S3E17 - Michelle Lee Steiner - Accommodating Disability
Michelle Steiner lives with an invisible disability. She has published articles on The Mighty, Non-Verbal Learning Project, Dyscalculia Blog, The Reluctant Spoonie, Kalopina Collective, Imagine the World as one Magazine and Word Gathering. She has had her photographs featured in Word Gathering and Independent and Work Ready. She works as a paraeducator in a school with students with disabilities. She lives in Pennsylvania with her husband and two cats. You can find her at her blog Michelle's mission.
Social media and contact information:
https://michellesmission.blog/
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100013356902200https://www.instagram.com/steiner7250/
Podcast Transcript
[00:00:00] Damaged Parents: Welcome back to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. Today we have Michelle Steiner with us. She lives with an invisible disability. She has articles published on the Mighty Non-Verbal Learning Project. Dyscalculia blog, The Reluctant Spoony, Kalopina Collective, and Imagine the World as One magazine and World Gathering.
[00:00:22] Damaged Parents: She has had her photographs featured in World. I'm sorry, not World gathering, Word gathering. She's had her photographs featured in Word Gathering and independent and work Ready. She works as a para-educator in a school with students with disabilities. She lives in Pennsylvania with her husband and two cats.
[00:00:42] Damaged Parents: You can find her at her blog, Michelle's mission, which is https://Michellesmission.blog.
[00:00:48] Damaged Parents: Michelle, welcome to the show.
[00:00:52] Michelle Lee Steiner: Oh, thank you so much for having me, Angela. I appreciate that.
[00:00:56] Damaged Parents: Yeah, no problem. I was just telling you before the recording, well before the recording started for the podcast, how excited I am to have someone honor here with your particular struggles.
[00:01:08] Damaged Parents: Do you wanna tell the listeners a little bit about that?
[00:01:11] Michelle Lee Steiner: Sure. I would be happy to. Uh, I have, uh, a learning disability. I have dyscalculia, and that is the math learning disability. A lot of people are familiar with dyslexia, the reading disability, but not too many people are, are very familiar with that involves.
[00:01:30] Michelle Lee Steiner: And, with, with that basically having dis uh, dyscalculia involves, um, not being able to, uh, understand how numbers work.
[00:01:39] Damaged Parents: Okay. So would it be even just adding and subtracting? Is it not recognizing the numbers or not understanding how, one, like for instance, if four minus two, would it be not understanding what the four and the two do to each other?
[00:01:59] Michelle Lee Steiner: Right? Well, I am not, um, I am able to see numbers. Definitely I can, I know that, uh, the four and the two, if you do, if you, if you take them away, I, I'm able to, um, understand that. But it, it's difficult for me simply to figure out a lot of, um, just, just calculating them correctly, having a number sense.
[00:02:22] Michelle Lee Steiner: Um, I can remember. Uh, you know, being a really young child, it was difficult for me to count, uh, and to do just a lot of the basic math things like remembering math facts. We did, a lot of those facts with memorizing the multiplication table. Well, there's still a lot of facts. I can't tell you offhand. I mean, I obviously can, can do very basic ones.
[00:02:46] Michelle Lee Steiner: And there's other parts of that, that it goes beyond just not being able to understand A lot of advanced math. I can't read the face of a clock. When you gimme an analog clock, I just, my brain, we just does not understand how the, the, it works. I can usually tell if I have, like, let's say I know that I, I look on my Fitbit, I know it's nine o'clock and somebody has a clock hanging up on the wall.
[00:03:11] Michelle Lee Steiner: Okay. I can see where the numbers are going, but if I would wake up in the middle of the night or if I would just go into a room and not know what time I was starting. I couldn't tell, give you an accurate time, um, beyond what that time is. So I use my Fitbit and my phone and, um, we have everything digital at our house so that, that, that helps to be able to know that.
[00:03:34] Michelle Lee Steiner: But it also goes beyond with some other things that come up. Like Rob, my right, I mix up my right and my left a lot of times. So when I put I get new shoes, I can't tell you what, um, what shoes, the right shoe or the left shoe.
[00:03:49] Damaged Parents: Okay. So when you say mixing up the right and the left, it's not just, you know, in, if you're the one saying which way you're gonna turn next in a car, and you might say, right to turn left or left to turn right,
[00:04:03] Michelle Lee Steiner: Uhhuh
[00:04:03] Damaged Parents: and then realize a mistake is made as soon as the car goes the wrong way. But you wouldn't know for it. And that's one, right?
[00:04:11] Michelle Lee Steiner: And that's one of the things with me not being able to drive, it's not with my eyes, it's with my brain and the reaction time, uh, in the visual perception. And then you have the right and the left. So that, uh, confusion can be really difficult.
[00:04:27] Damaged Parents: Now as you were growing up, did you, you, you sensed that you had this, I mean, did you know early on?
[00:04:36] Michelle Lee Steiner: Yes, I knew very my family and I knew very early on when I was in preschool, uh, my teacher thought something was, uh, a little bit different, but I was my parents' first child, so they didn't have a whole lot to base development on. So when I went into kindergarten, It was really hard for me. I was really struggling socially, uh, with other kids just to, to make friends and a lot of that was, I grew up around adults and it also.
[00:05:03] Michelle Lee Steiner: You know, it was hard because I, I wasn't picking up an academic concept, so a, and the academic part was another thing I struggled with, and my kindergarten teacher noticed that too. And she recommended getting tested for a learning disability and. What I, what I remember is, uh, I would do a.to.page and I thought, oh, I did a really great job on this.
[00:05:26] Michelle Lee Steiner: And it turns out well, it wasn't connected correctly. Um, and I know that that sounds like the easiest thing that, that, that you can do, but for me, that was tough. Uh, I'm, my handwriting was difficult. Uh, my eye hand coordination was really hard. Um, really difficult at that age. And they tested me and sure enough, I had a learning disability and it was a pretty grim picture.
[00:05:51] Michelle Lee Steiner: My parents remember when I got the diagnosis, uh, they, they pretty much said that I wasn't going to have a lot of success at life and my, um, The only thing they got right was I was never going to understand numbers. And that was really hard for my dad, cuz my, my dad's pretty good at math and he just, okay, one plus one is two.
[00:06:13] Michelle Lee Steiner: How can I have a child that just is not going to be able to understand that? Which I do know basic, but, um, just, just, you know, it's one of those concrete things that I just don't, they, they just had a hard time in the beginning, but, What we decided to do was, uh, I was gonna repeat kindergarten in a new school in our district, and I was going to, that year I was going to, uh, start receiving, uh, support services with specialty instruction.
[00:06:45] Michelle Lee Steiner: And I can remember. Uh, it was even really hard in the beginning too, with getting that instruction. I mean, I was, spent a great deal of my childhood being very frustrated. Um, my parents were wonderful. They never gave up on me, but. I, I wanted to be like just all the other kids. I wanted to be able to go and learn and make friends and be able to read, and, and it just, it was really difficult for me.
[00:07:16] Michelle Lee Steiner: But eventually the, the specialty instruction. Helped, I was able to be in regular classes for, I think they started with social studies and science and a little bit of reading. Um, but I was always in the, uh, learning support for math and for, uh, for resource because that those are the services that I really needed, uh, to, to have.
[00:07:40] Damaged Parents: Now I'm thinking with that, dis, with that these challenges also came an identity, like what you said it was really hard for your dad cuz he was really good at math.
[00:07:53] Michelle Lee Steiner: Mm-hmm.
[00:07:53] Damaged Parents: And here you weren't. Did that identity, uh, it sounds like it impacted dad, but how did it impact you?
[00:08:02] Michelle Lee Steiner: It was really hard with. With, with trying to figure out how I fit into the picture with having a math disability, because in the learning support classroom, a lot of my peers, they had, um, more reading based disabilities.
[00:08:17] Michelle Lee Steiner: So, uh, they, they didn't view me as smart, and some of them had some really behavior issues as well, and some pretty sad, uh, family dynamics that that was going on in their house. So these weren't, they weren't always the kindest to me, so I really didn't feel like, I identify with the others, learning support peers and then the regular ed peers, uh, they didn't accept me as one of them, they lump me together with the learning support peers.
[00:08:44] Michelle Lee Steiner: So that was really hard and, uh, it, it was just very difficult and it got even harder. As I went throughout school, socially, academically, it got a little bit, it got easier. I was able to get really good grades. I was in more regular classes, but the social aspect was really difficult. So I did kind of go through, well do, uh, do I really have a disability?
[00:09:08] Michelle Lee Steiner: Uh, or well, I knew I had a disability, but, uh, everybody just thought, oh, it's reading. It's reading. And the only reading issues I had were reading comprehension. So yeah, it was difficult to, to wrap my head around.
[00:09:22] Damaged Parents: Yeah. And then feeling like you didn't fit in in any place. Uh, what was that? That sounds really horrible.
[00:09:31] Michelle Lee Steiner: It, it was, I mean, it was terrible, especially as I got older, um, just trying to. Go throughout school and just be able to get the information and getting, uh, bullied. That was really hard. Going, going through school and being rejected and, uh, not even have a lot of the learning support peers that, that, that liked me.
[00:09:53] Michelle Lee Steiner: And I can remember what did help was I started hanging out with people that were in a neighboring school district. There was a teen art program, and when I got involved with that, I found out, okay, I don't have this reputation of being the screw up or the dumb one that I had since kindergarten. I was, you know, who I was and people were really accepting, and I did get to tell them, oh, I have a learning disability.
[00:10:22] Michelle Lee Steiner: And most of the, the experience was ver was rather positive and that in turn, uh, encouraged me to reach out to other people. And, and, uh, I have older friends that I still am friends with today and it's, you know, our friendships are past 20 years. So that was one of the nicest things that I did, I think was going there cuz that, that shed that reputation from that.
[00:10:46] Damaged Parents: Yeah. It sounds like by stepping out of the environment in which you identified as this person with these disabilities
[00:10:53] Michelle Lee Steiner: mm-hmm.
[00:10:54] Damaged Parents: And didn't feel like part of it and going into a different environment that
[00:10:58] Michelle Lee Steiner: Yep.
[00:10:58] Damaged Parents: Then you were able to find, I don't, it would self-esteem be a good word to, to use there?
[00:11:06] Damaged Parents: Or good words?
[00:11:06] Michelle Lee Steiner: I was, yes, because I was able to do something that I was good at. Cuz writing has always been a passion of mine. So I found other, uh, people my age. Oh, they like to write or, and they like to do things and. They, they didn't know me and that, that made me, um, you know, I was able to not have that. And I was able to get that self-esteem as, okay, well wait a minute.
[00:11:31] Michelle Lee Steiner: It, because I wonder, oh, what's wrong with me? Why doesn't, uh, why don't other people like me and. Of course there were things that I did. I'm certainly not perfect, but, um, I would just wonder, well, what was wrong with me? And then when I finally found other people, uh, in my life that it wasn't all me, it was, just that reputation that everybody kind of goes through.
[00:11:53] Michelle Lee Steiner: And the school that I grew up in, it wasn't a very diverse school to begin with. And, uh, they, they liked you. And that's close-knit community if you were one of them. With having a disability, I really wasn't, I didn't feel like I was one of them and it was hard to hide to, I couldn't, uh, everybody knew everybody's business.
[00:12:15] Michelle Lee Steiner: They knew you went to learning support, even in the regular ed classes, if I had a test, I would, one of my accommodations was getting the test read allowed to me and having the extended test time. And, um, they, they knew what, where I was going and, um, so that, that was hard.
[00:12:31] Damaged Parents: Would you say that some of it had to do with how you viewed yourself, and some of it had to do with how they viewed you or how you thought, oh, what, there's a, there's a quote, I think it's by Samuel Beckett, um mm-hmm.
[00:12:49] Damaged Parents: I am Who you think I think I am, or something like that. Uh,
[00:12:54] Michelle Lee Steiner: right. I, I think it was, yeah, it was a mixture of both because I, I even find it funny today when I run into people that I went to school, Either, I really remember you, if you were mean to me, or I remember if you were nice and then I figure if I, if I don't know who you are, then you must have left me alone.
[00:13:14] Michelle Lee Steiner: And the thing is, a lot, I wish those people that I don't remember, I wish I would've re wouldn't have been so afraid and I would've reached out because I think there would've been, um, a lot more friendships and there would've been a lot more in common with, with, with other people. So some of it was my, Self on how I viewed myself after having a lot of negative, um, experiences like with having a disability and, um, just how other people treated me.
[00:13:43] Michelle Lee Steiner: And some of it was, uh, just how other people saw me too.
[00:13:48] Damaged Parents: So how, beyond going to the art class, like how did you find your strengths that you have?
[00:13:56] Michelle Lee Steiner: I definitely found my strength. My parents read to me, my dad, especially when I was little. Uh, so I grew up loving books. And I think even with having, uh, Issues with reading comprehension.
[00:14:09] Michelle Lee Steiner: I grew up to love reading and that I think, is what saved me because I was always had a friend with a, with having a book, and I always loved to write. And I think I can remember my parents finding the first story I wrote about a dinosaur, I think it was in second or third grade, and they said how good it was and I was like, wow.
[00:14:30] Michelle Lee Steiner: I finally found something that I'm good at because everything else was just such a struggle and just being able to write was. Always something that I enjoyed doing. So that's one way that I found, um, some strengths that, things that I was good at.
[00:14:45] Damaged Parents: Mm-hmm. So it really helped for them to focus on the strengths
[00:14:50] Michelle Lee Steiner: mm-hmm. Definitely.
[00:14:52] Damaged Parents: That you had. And it sounds like you also took that as, oh, this is something I'm good at. I'm going to focus on this how I'm, Hm. How hard was it to, or how easy did you find it to slip into writing then after that?
[00:15:12] Michelle Lee Steiner: Oh, it was really easy. Everybody knew, even at school, my peers knew. I, she's always writing, Michelle always has a book.
[00:15:19] Michelle Lee Steiner: Um, definitely I was, they, they always knew that I like to read and that I like to write, so that was really easy for me to, to go into that.
[00:15:29] Damaged Parents: And then that's a lot of what you do today. Now you said, or when I read the introduction.
[00:15:35] Michelle Lee Steiner: Mm-hmm.
[00:15:35] Damaged Parents: It was, there's some photographs. How did you get into doing photographs or pictures?
[00:15:42] Michelle Lee Steiner: You know, that was one of those things where I just started to, to take pictures of things because I was, I, I knew that, that they always said about people with learning disabilities, that they're really good with art and with my hand dexterity issues. It's really hard for me to draw and to be able to, uh, do a lot of those fine, uh, motor skills details.
[00:16:02] Michelle Lee Steiner: So I was always like, oh, I'm a little frustrated with that. And I remember having a friend who was really good at that and he told me, you know, you're going to be able to do this. You're gonna do this. I said, no, I don't think so. And then my husband, we. You know, we got a, had an I, we have an iPad, and then we had our phones and I just started taking pictures of things that I would see when we go out on some of our adventures.
[00:16:25] Michelle Lee Steiner: I would take pictures of flowers and, um, people would say, wow, that, that, those are really good photos. I think the first one, uh, we were at a wedding and we went to, it was around Halloween. We went to a cemetery and we took some angel pictures and I had a friend that, that never, um, she was pretty honest about things if she didn't like something and or she did, and she looked at me and said, these are really good.
[00:16:52] Michelle Lee Steiner: And I thought, oh, this, this. Then impressed her then they must be pretty, uh, good. And I remember entering them into an art show and um, I think I placed, maybe got an honorable mention for one of them. So I'm like, oh, this is really neat. And that just encouraged me to start taking pictures and to, to do that.
[00:17:12] Michelle Lee Steiner: And, um, I can just remember then people would tell me, you can bring out details that, uh, I can't see. And I thought, oh, that might be the visual part of having, uh, a learning disability that a lot of people talk about. And I get that opportunity. To do that when, cuz I'm not able to drive. So of course my husband's concentrating on the road and I get to see these really neat things and later on, if I don't have a ride to be able to go somewhere and I have to walk, I'll sometimes be able to get that opportunity to think, oh, that we saw that on the ride to work.
[00:17:51] Michelle Lee Steiner: Or just I'll, or I'll find another detail and I get to capture that.
[00:17:55] Damaged Parents: Oh, wow. Okay. I have a really, you, you cannot answer it. It's okay. Okay. But I, the, the question is, what was it like finding a husband with all these struggles, you know, in these challenges and how did you overcome that?
[00:18:14] Michelle Lee Steiner: It was difficult to find the, the right person.
[00:18:18] Michelle Lee Steiner: I have had people that. I didn't, couldn't accept that I had a disability. And that was a big factor for them. And, um, I finally got to the point where I, I just said, uh, God, I'm just, um, don't bring me anybody until it's, it's the right person. And I wasn't even thinking about it when I, when I met 'em, uh, I was volunteering at an art center and he was going there.
[00:18:44] Michelle Lee Steiner: Um, I was walking down the street and he saw me and he wondered where I was going. And it turns out, um, we were both going to the same place. He was gonna play guitar that night and I was volunteering and he went in there and we knew mutual friends. So that was, that was something. And ave we just had this relationship that just, we started out as friends.
[00:19:09] Michelle Lee Steiner: It developed about a couple months later. And I can remember even telling him on, I think it was our first date, and I told him I had a learning disability and he asked me, well, how does that make you feel? And that was the first person that ever, um, asked me that question. Uh, the one to have a relationship with me.
[00:19:27] Michelle Lee Steiner: And we've had some learning curves. I mean, there's been some things that he may not be aware of with having a dis, you know, me having a disability. But, uh, we've been able to work those things out.
[00:19:40] Damaged Parents: So when, when you met him at that point in time, you had said, don't bring me anybody unless there, you know, period.
[00:19:47] Damaged Parents: Yeah. Like, had you in, in a way. Accepted the disability or what happened?
[00:19:57] Michelle Lee Steiner: Right. To make me accept, um, I was still in the process of accepting it. I, at that point, I was at a call, I was at university. And I was in a really good program that, uh, that I wanted to be at. It was about, uh, learning the service end of special ed.
[00:20:15] Michelle Lee Steiner: So I was starting to accept that and I was doing pretty well, um, with, with things. But, uh, and that being at the university too was something that, that was definitely an accomplishment because I was told that I wouldn't go beyond a community college by a psychiatrist. So, Um, that was in my late twenties, so when I met him and I was, I still wasn't quite there a hundred percent.
[00:20:41] Michelle Lee Steiner: But what led me to accept my disability is when I was able to get that bachelor's degree, despite people telling me, well, you're never going to be able to do it. And I thought, oh, I can do this. And I still have the disability. I mean, Um, you know, degrees, uh, having college, college degrees haven't taken that away.
[00:21:04] Michelle Lee Steiner: Um, doing accommodations that, that doesn't take it away. Just those are ways that I'm able to compensate for having a disability. But I can just remember that, that sense a pride when I got that degree. Yeah, that, just, that, that really, that, that, that just really healed a lot of it. But what really did a lot of the healing was when I started writing about it, because writing has always been my passion, as I said before.
[00:21:31] Michelle Lee Steiner: And I was in a writer's group and I can remember I had a friend that was telling me, you should really write about having a learning disability. And I thought, oh, I don't know. I think I just wanna run and hide from having it. But when I first started writing about it and I got that first article published on the Mighty, uh, it was the most healing thing I think I ever did.
[00:21:53] Michelle Lee Steiner: And
[00:21:54] Damaged Parents: Okay, what made it so healing?
[00:21:57] Michelle Lee Steiner: It made it healing to be able to put on paper, this is who I am and not to care if somebody else found out that I had a disability. Because I didn't get people that were going to run and hide or have a lot of mean things to say. I have found a lot of people that have said, that's my story, or I struggle with that.
[00:22:23] Michelle Lee Steiner: And just hearing that, uh, validation and having that connection was a very healing process.
[00:22:30] Damaged Parents: Mm. Yeah. So with the graduating from, mm-hmm. From col, from university, it sounds like that that might have been a point at which you were able to say, oh, I can do hard things.
[00:22:46] Michelle Lee Steiner: Exactly, yes. I, I can because we had to, um, go, go through, even at the, at that level, I mean, I already had my associate's degree, so I had an understanding that if I got.
[00:22:59] Michelle Lee Steiner: An F on a test or if I got a D in a class, it wasn't the end of the world. Um, I understood that you can still bounce back from that and how to talk to professors and things like that. And I also knew going in to definitely use the accommodations cuz I didn't use them because of the stigma. So when I got.
[00:23:22] Michelle Lee Steiner: Uh, the, that degree, it did make me feel like, yes, I can do hard things. I'm able to go out and, and to do this as long as it's, uh, the, the right program for me, with a lot of research and a lot of accommodations, I, I can do, um, a lot of things.
[00:23:41] Damaged Parents: I'm wondering how much. Because it, I, for me, I think having, at least for me having a disability is
[00:23:49] Michelle Lee Steiner: mm-hmm.
[00:23:49] Damaged Parents: There's this real sense of being alone and that I'm the only, I was the only one who struggled all of that great stuff.
[00:23:55] Michelle Lee Steiner: Mm-hmm.
[00:23:55] Damaged Parents: Yep. This is before the podcast started.
[00:23:58] Michelle Lee Steiner: Right.
[00:24:00] Damaged Parents: But I, you know, as I'm thinking about people with disabilities, any, any disability, you know, it's what I'm hearing from you is so many people, there were always so many people around to try and help but was that. Like in, in school cause I didn't have the help in school and things like that. Mm-hmm. Was that helpful or hurtful that they were capable people helping or would it have been more helpful if, if they had voiced that they had a struggle? Do you see where I'm going? Like kind of my
[00:24:31] Michelle Lee Steiner: right,
[00:24:32] Damaged Parents: my question, I'm not sure what the exact question is, but maybe it's like, what, what would it have been like or what maybe.
[00:24:40] Damaged Parents: What do you think it would've been like if someone else was trying to help you and they had a disability, not unlike what you're doing now, right? Because that's what you do, right?
[00:24:48] Michelle Lee Steiner: That, that would've made a world of difference. Uh, because, um, I can remember whenever we were trying to figure out, oh, what am I going to do after high school?
[00:24:58] Michelle Lee Steiner: And I knew that I wanted to do college. And I can remember I had a learning support teacher that said, um, I don't think you, you can do it because of your math and She goes and she, um, recommended a trade school and I knew I didn't wanna do that. And there was this, there was uh, a student teacher though that was really encouraging and she goes, you can do college. And I remember hearing that thinking, I can't do that. I have a disability. And she told me, you know, how to study. And she also said there are students at the university that have disabilities and they take remedial classes and they're, they're be able to be there. And I'm, that was so eye-opening for me to, to be able to hear that because, I knew a very few people that had disabilities that were able to be successful.
[00:25:49] Michelle Lee Steiner: I think I can remember hearing a story about one person, but I, I never met that person and it, it just, a lot of them were like, Reading disabilities, and I just, I didn't know anybody. Oh, they struggled with math or they, they struggled with that and were able to go to college and I, I don't remember that student teacher's name, but when I got, when I finally, uh, went to college, uh, being a community college for the first time, um, having it being very difficult sometimes her voice is what I heard when things got really tough that, okay, I can do this.
[00:26:23] Michelle Lee Steiner: I, I can, um, Uh, you know, be able to handle that.
[00:26:29] Damaged Parents: Mm-hmm. What, so it sounds like when things got really hard that you went back to remembering that conversation or other validating conversations. Mm-hmm. It sounds like also that there was a disproportionate amount of invalidating conversations of saying, you can't do this and,
[00:26:48] Michelle Lee Steiner: right.
[00:26:49] Michelle Lee Steiner: Yeah. I, I, well,
[00:26:50] Damaged Parents: how did you get through those? Right, because I would think on some level, like my balloon would've been popped, you know?
[00:26:58] Michelle Lee Steiner: It was really difficult. I mean, I, I would say that those, it was very discouraging for me and I probably wasn't the most positive person for a lot of years. And I really struggled and I think I struggled with trying to, um, put on this persona that, oh, everything is just, Great.
[00:27:17] Michelle Lee Steiner: Then I, I don't need to have accommodations that I can do this on my own. And I just crashed when that happened. I can remember my grades were falling and it was really difficult not using, not having that because people would tell me, well, you can do better. Or I, your job choices will be limited. And the, the thing that I had to remember was, uh, Just to go forward with what I knew was right and just to keep on moving forward and keeping looking for things that work and using them and trying to shut off the, the negative voices that would come up and, uh, The, the people that would try to tell me, um, yeah, mostly helpful people that would say, uh, things like, well, you could do this or you could do that.
[00:28:03] Michelle Lee Steiner: And nothing really just, um, gave me the direction that I wanted to go with my life and knowing what I wanted to do and, and finding a way to do it.
[00:28:13] Damaged Parents: So it really wasn't helpful that these people that were trying to be helpful were giving you their opinion on what you should do instead of really having a conversation with you about it.
[00:28:22] Michelle Lee Steiner: E, exactly right. They had some ideas like, well, maybe you could stalk shelves. Well, that's not always the most appropriate choice. I mean, For, in some cases it would be, or, uh, well, you can do better or you can try, you know, it's like, well, I, I need to have, I can, if I do the accommodations and to encourage me to use those, would've been a, a more, um, productive, uh, conversation.
[00:28:49] Damaged Parents: So even at the other end of the spectrum
[00:28:52] Michelle Lee Steiner: mm-hmm.
[00:28:52] Damaged Parents: You can do this, you can do better. Like that hard push.
[00:28:55] Michelle Lee Steiner: Mm-hmm.
[00:28:56] Damaged Parents: Instead of, you know, what are you struggling with or how can I help you?
[00:29:00] Michelle Lee Steiner: Right.
[00:29:00] Damaged Parents: It was just so it, at either end of that spectrum, it can be super hurtful from emotionally.
[00:29:08] Damaged Parents: Because,
[00:29:09] Michelle Lee Steiner: oh yeah, exactly.
[00:29:10] Michelle Lee Steiner: Yeah. I mean, a lot of people just simply don't understand too, what learning disabilities are. Um, a lot of times when people see me because I don't look like I'm disabled, they'll, they'll be like, oh, well, you don't look like you have a disability. Or if I tell them I have a math disability, they'll say, well, doesn't everybody have a math disability?
[00:29:31] Damaged Parents: Oh, shoot.
[00:29:33] Michelle Lee Steiner: Yeah.
[00:29:34] Damaged Parents: Ouch.
[00:29:35] Michelle Lee Steiner: I'm like, well, I mean, I, I, I understand it's common for people to struggle with math, but. Um, there's a, there there's a difference between just being bad at it and having, um, something that they can diagnose you like with when you go in. Yeah. And having that long history of it.
[00:29:53] Damaged Parents: Yeah. So it would be helpful if they instead ask maybe something like, what does that mean for you?
[00:29:59] Michelle Lee Steiner: Right. What does it mean for you? Exactly. Mm-hmm. Yep. Oh
[00:30:04] Damaged Parents: yeah. And I think that's important that we put that in here because we've talked about the put downs and we've talked about the, the trying to prop ups that weren't working.
[00:30:14] Michelle Lee Steiner: Mm-hmm.
[00:30:14] Damaged Parents: And I wanna really try and get an idea, you know, give to the audience.
[00:30:18] Damaged Parents: Here are some tools. So with that being said, what would be like your top three tips or tools that you would say, you know what, if you come across someone and they reveal to you that they've got an invisible disability, maybe, maybe think about this.
[00:30:34] Michelle Lee Steiner: I think one of the things that I would say is to definitely listen to them and to ask questions that that's important.
[00:30:40] Michelle Lee Steiner: That's important too. Um, ask them about their disability if they want to answer. Um, they may not wanna give every little, uh, last detail, but I. Um, but ask them what they're, what they're comfortable with sharing, and if they tell you that, and I'll, and most importantly, to listen to the person and to try not to judge.
[00:31:01] Michelle Lee Steiner: I think sometimes we get an idea in our head of what certain disabilities are, and until you really talk to the person, you, you don't get an idea of what it is like. Cuz when you meet, when you meet one person that has a learning disability, that's simply one person,
[00:31:19] Damaged Parents: right? Yeah. Mm. Yeah, and I think just love them for who they are.
[00:31:26] Michelle Lee Steiner: Yep, exactly.
[00:31:26] Damaged Parents: And where they're at. I, I think with the disability sometimes too, it's really hard to be okay with, for me anyway, it was really hard to be okay with myself. And then if I felt the judgment mm-hmm. From either end of the spectrum, you know, it's, it's just, I, maybe the best way to say it is love the soul.
[00:31:48] Damaged Parents: Right.
[00:31:48] Michelle Lee Steiner: The Exactly. Love. Yeah. Love the soul. Love them for where they're at, not for where you want them to be or where you think they should be at. Yeah. Just, uh mm-hmm. Yep.
[00:31:59] Damaged Parents: Yeah. Well thank you so much, Michelle, for coming on the show. Oh, it's been so fun. And I've loved getting to talk about the disability.
[00:32:08] Damaged Parents: I just wanna make sure that I point them again to your blog, which is https://Michellesmission.blog. Yes. And you can also find her on Facebook. Are you on any other social
[00:32:18] Michelle Lee Steiner: medias? Yeah. Um, Instagram, uh, uh, @mSteiners7259. Yep.
[00:32:25] Damaged Parents: Oh, awesome. Okay. Well thank you so much for coming on this show.
[00:32:31] Michelle Lee Steiner: Aw, thank you for having me.
Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We really enjoyed talking to Michelle about how she found out she could do hard things with a disability. We especially liked when she spoke about making sure to use her accommodations so she could be successful.
To unite with other damaged people connect with us on Instagram. Look for damaged parents. We'll be here next week. Still relatively damaged. See you then.
