S3E18 - Scott McKee - How do You Learn to Walk on Water? (metaphorically)
Scott McKee is a happily married father of 4, grandfather of 12 and friend to many. He is the founder and life coach at outlier Life Coach Services. He is a retired peace officer who continued his help with others in his calling as a coach.
His area of focus is clients that are human beings. No other restrictions or boundaries.
Social media and contact information:
Scott@outlierlcs.com
www.outlierlcs.com
Podcast Transcript
[00:00:00] Damaged Parents: Hey, you made it to the Relatively Damaged podcast by Damaged Parents. I'm so glad you're here. I'm your host, Angela Talent. And if you haven't done so yet hit the subscribe button so you can hear all the fantastic stories we uncover. And if you love this podcast, share it with your friends! Let's get to today's episode.
[00:00:23] Damaged Parents: My name is Angela and I'm gonna be your host to today, for today two today. Well, I could be the host two today also, I suppose. What do you think, Scott? Should I be the host for the
[00:00:32] Scott McKee: day? Let's do that. Let's do that. Yeah, absolutely.
[00:00:37] Damaged Parents: Okay, so I'm gonna introduce Scott though, Scott McKee. Okay. I'm, I'm gonna call him amazing. On camera and recorded, so now you're stuck. It's there forever. Scott, I have known Scott for, I want to say 20 years. Scott is married to a wonderful woman whom I also love. And one of the things I was saying about Scott before, or I said to Scott, is one of the neat things about walking up to Scott is this authentic.
[00:01:07] Damaged Parents: Loving an unconditional. Just love you, who you are and, and whoever that is is perfect in that moment. So I could be cranky and he will still love me. And the same with Michele, or I will be lost and she will still love me and it's, it's beautiful. But he is a father of four, grandfather of 12. And like I already said, you could imagine a friend to many.
[00:01:34] Damaged Parents: He is also a retired peace officer. You used to work in the prison systems, if I remember correctly. Prisons and parole. Yep. Yeah, prisons and parole. And he continues to help. So he, if you could imagine working in parole, he got to help a lot of people there. And now he is a coach, so his area of focus is clients that are human beings.
[00:01:53] Damaged Parents: No other restrictions or boundaries
[00:01:56] Damaged Parents: Scott, welcome to the show and thank you so much for coming.
[00:02:00] Scott McKee: Oh, ab absolutely my pleasure. That was a very, very nice preview. I've, I like we said earlier, I don't know who that is. I'm hoping to live up to that. That was very, very nice. The, the beautiful wife and the kind wife and the loving wife.
[00:02:13] Scott McKee: I agree with all of those. And I'm working to be all the others, so that was great. Yeah. The, the thing about the parole that you were saying is my, my favorite part about parole is, is that, I got to work with people that didn't want to be helped. Many of them had just decided that society's thrown them away, so they're good with it.
[00:02:32] Scott McKee: And it was interesting watching people that you truly were kind to and loved receive that they'd never, you know, I, I had one gentleman that said he had never been called his name until he went to school. First time he knew that his name was Steven was when they called him that in preschool and he didn't answer, and they kept saying it and he didn't answer because he'd been called out of his name his whole life.
[00:02:53] Scott McKee: So being able to call people and treat people with love. In a job that's not normally that way. I, I love that, that that's where I felt that I could show my love the most. So when you said that showing love to even people who are cranky, I think that helped me to learn that working with parolees for 15, almost 16 years necessarily Cranky was probably a good start, is where they came from.
[00:03:16] Scott McKee: Right.
[00:03:17] Damaged Parents: It could be much worse. So when, when you went into parole, it sounds like that was a lesson you learned. So how did you learn that lesson of, of love to love?
[00:03:28] Scott McKee: I, I think the best way I could say that is to have been that where my, I, I, I'm bragging on my bride. I brag on her a lot. I, I remember when we were younger, she was just kind to me, even when I didn't deserve it.
[00:03:41] Scott McKee: And that's what made me fall in love with her. I'm like, this person just as kind. I saw her kind to everyone, and I was trying to be like that. I, I think I'm a pretty good student. I, I see things that I think are amazing, and then I go up to the person, I'm like, can you mentor me? I wanna learn from you.
[00:03:57] Scott McKee: I want to, and it didn't hurt you as cute and, and nice and kind, and, and, but I think she taught me a lot about that. And so, as I saw at work, then I started passing that on. And my mom always loving kind. So I had a lot of women in my life that showed me that. And so I wanted to do the same thing.
[00:04:17] Scott McKee: I, when I, even when I went to the academy, I was calling the parolee, sir and gentlemen, and they were saying, you don't, you don't talk to them like that. It's inmate and it's this. And I, I went through my whole entire career mostly untouched and unharmed because treating people well when things are gonna get ugly, they let you know things are gonna get ugly.
[00:04:39] Scott McKee: Treating people well, there's less of a chance that there's going to be violence. And so it was a awesome 27 years. And I, I, I still got, I I had a couple parolees that still sent me Father's Day things over Messenger that said, you're the only one that ever treated me like a father, like a human after I was done doing parole.
[00:05:00] Scott McKee: So,
[00:05:01] Damaged Parents: Would these like, I mean, there are prisoners, there's the society societal belief, and there's these stories and you're recognizing them as people. But at first when you started to really be like, oh no, I'm gonna love these guys. Mm-hmm. That, did it feel weird or awkward or, you know, like before you had the reputation of.
[00:05:25] Damaged Parents: The guy that you are was there a struggle there to get to that point?
[00:05:30] Scott McKee: Well, I, I think the struggle was more with the the people I was working with than myself, cuz they, they didn't trust that it was real. The kindness, the, the pros, the, the endless, the individuals I was working with. Kindness isn't real, right?
[00:05:46] Scott McKee: Kindness is the beginning of a con. It's the beginning of trying to manipulate. There isn't kindness for kindness sake. At least. A lot of them hadn't seen that. And so, when you're kind and they're trying to figure out what that is and kind isn't always Sometimes kind was hard. I'm gonna get you a job.
[00:06:05] Scott McKee: I don't want a job. I want my bus tickets, my food vouchers, my this. I don't give out bus ti tickets and food vouchers. If I can get you a job, I can get you into school. I can get you this. So sometimes kind wasn't like cuddly, but it was always kind and they were just trying to figure out what, what this really is, how, how this really works.
[00:06:22] Scott McKee: And once I'd worked with individuals for a period of time, then they thought, then they saw, no, no, no, he's really actually wanting me to succeed. He wants me. Have a great life. He wants me to be happy. Mm-hmm. And once they see that, then it's great. But sometimes they don't hang around long enough to see it.
[00:06:41] Scott McKee: And then that was the hard part, you know, because they don't get to realize that it's real kindness is real and there are people out there who are truly kind.
[00:06:50] Damaged Parents: Hmm. So there was like an energetic exchange of love and some, some clear boundaries. I'm not gonna give this out. Right. Just because I, I'm, but you can do this and I'll help you do this.
[00:07:05] Scott McKee: Right.
[00:07:05] Damaged Parents: And that, so there was that support,
[00:07:08] Scott McKee: right? Well, they, and they, they found that when they started making money of their own, it was life changing. I know life is now not about money. And I know life is not about a paycheck, but some of these individuals had never seen their name on a paycheck, so they never thought they were of any worth.
[00:07:24] Scott McKee: But now there was their name next to amount of money and they're like, wait a second. People think I'm of worth and they get pulled over by an officer and they'd have money in their pocket and they didn't have to explain it cuz here's my check stub. I mean, I'm doing good things. And so that changed into their self-worth being self-worth for real.
[00:07:43] Scott McKee: Not just an outside necessary self-worth, but it was I think it was really positive to work with individuals and let them know that, hey, there, there's far more than these other things if you spend your time doing things good rather than looking for the next con there's really good things out there and you feel better.
[00:08:03] Scott McKee: I mean, you don't have to, you don't have to constantly think about the truth because it's there. But if your entire life is constantly thinking about, what lie did I say this time? And I have to constantly. Mm-hmm. Correct that and be that. So
[00:08:19] Damaged Parents: is there like this sense of desperation that, that they have too, like just to meet their needs or is it I'm, I mean, yeah.
[00:08:27] Damaged Parents: I'm gonna stop there
[00:08:29] Damaged Parents: with that question.
[00:08:30] Scott McKee: Yeah, I think, I think there's well, and I'm gonna answer a little piece of that. Some, yes. Some, it's just literally to make it. Others, it's just become their lifestyle and it's just what. You've got people saying, you're going to be like your uncle. You're going to be like your dad.
[00:08:44] Scott McKee: And they became self-fulfilling prophets. I mean, they, they heard it enough that they thought, okay, I'm going to do it and that's who I'm going to be. And there never was really another side. And so there was that statement of rehabilitation with people who had never been habilitated. You're bringing them back to what they, they never have had
[00:09:04] Scott McKee: a life where they've lived in the norm or where what, whatever norm is where they've lived, where they they're not looking for a criminal way to succeed.
[00:09:15] Scott McKee: And so
[00:09:16] Damaged Parents: do you think you could also say they didn't, they lived without that love?
[00:09:19] Scott McKee: Oh, absolutely. AB 100%. Absolutely. And they were, that's why I said they were so mind blown by that when you are actually really caring about them, they were like why?, Do you get extra money for this?
[00:09:32] Scott McKee: Do you get things taken off your parole? If I, you know, if you do this and my thing was, no, it's, it's no different for me. And actually it's harder for me to do these things cuz I have to be out looking for people that are willing to hire you. I have to be out looking for places that are willing to take you in at school.
[00:09:48] Scott McKee: I have to be looking for these things and then I have to trust you enough that you are not gonna ruin it for all the rest of the people that I've been setting up in this. And so there has to be a build that trust also. Cuz if I send someone over to a job place and they rip them off, chances are they're not gonna hire anymore of the people I'm going to be sending over there.
[00:10:08] Scott McKee: So we've gotta build that trust factor. So,
[00:10:11] Damaged Parents: wow, I never really thought about that. It's really a around, around the whole, there's a whole circle here of,
[00:10:18] Scott McKee: yeah. Oh, Absolut.
[00:10:20] Damaged Parents: And, and you're kind of facilitating the support on both sides. And at the same time, I think it's huge that you're, you are sharing that love with people who probably are behaving in ways that it might be really hard to love them.
[00:10:36] Scott McKee: Right.
[00:10:36] Damaged Parents: And I'm trying to, I'm still. Not sure I totally understand how to do that, right. Like I'm thinking of a situation in my, in my life right now where, you know, there is one person who is really hard for me to love. Mm-hmm. And I've been injured by them. And the last thing I wanna do is provide them.
[00:10:57] Damaged Parents: With, you know, a sense of social safety, you know, I, I, because I'm still hurt and angry, right. So I'm trying to figure out how did you do that?
[00:11:06] Scott McKee: Right. Well, and, and the thing is, is I, and why, when you asked me earlier, I said I still haven't found the water I can walk on. I, I state that because I, I, in no way say I've been perfect at.
[00:11:20] Scott McKee: This, this is, I had no way say I don't have people that have hurt me so bad that I don't know how to love them. I'm, I'm still working on many of that, of those things. So, yeah, I, I'm, I am not saying I am Christlike. I am saying I am. That is my aspiration. My aspiration is to be good. My aspiration is to continue loving those things.
[00:11:42] Scott McKee: And, and when I find that perfected way, man, I, I'll tell everyone that I could possibly find I just haven't got there yet, but I've worked really hard to continue doing that, that that is my goal every single day is when people are unlikable to me, is trying to be kind. And. And I would say more it works than doesn't.
[00:12:04] Scott McKee: But yeah, I, trust me, I'm not looking at you even saying, oh, you have been harmed, you've been hurt, you've been alienated, you've been spit on, you've been treated so badly. Go cuddle. I, I, I still haven't, I still haven't gotten that yet. But when I see these individuals most of them I don't think aimed any of it at me.
[00:12:26] Scott McKee: Most of them had aimed it in so many other directions and they did during time aiming at me. But it wasn't, it, there was chances to be building these things and
[00:12:36] Damaged Parents: Okay.
[00:12:37] Scott McKee: And now that I'm not in parole, it's been far easier because people coming to coaching, they want help.
[00:12:44] Damaged Parents: Right.
[00:12:44] Scott McKee: That's, that's totally different.
[00:12:45] Scott McKee: They've already seen, hey I'm referred to you from this person because you've helped them, so they're already coming. Knowing that you do well, knowing that you're trustworthy and knowing that you want to do well, that's easy. That's so much easier than when you've got individuals that, and that's why I thought that would be a cool thing to do, because I thought, wouldn't it be awesome to do the exact same thing, but for people that want it, that come in wanting it, that know they want it.
[00:13:09] Damaged Parents: Right.
[00:13:10] Scott McKee: You know? Most of the paroles I worked with, once they got it, knew they wanted it, but they didn't know they wanted it before they got it.
[00:13:17] Damaged Parents: Which, I mean, would there be like a timeline for, for that? Like if that, if some, you know, when a parolee came in, was there, was it like, well, you know what, there's, there's usually a two week or a two month or a six month or whatever.
[00:13:31] Damaged Parents: And because of you of having or needing to build that safety and, and trust with,
[00:13:37] Scott McKee: I, I always said that most of my parolees didn't know how to deal with me for the first three months and by about six months if they stayed on my caseload, cuz a lot of them would try to get on other caseloads because other caseloads were giving out the free food vouchers and giving out the free.
[00:13:53] Scott McKee: Bus passes and I, and I'm like, if you stick with me, you're not gonna need a bus pass. You can have a car, it's gonna be yours. Don't, you won't even need to ask anyone for these things. You're not gonna have to ask me for food because you'll have money in your pocket to buy food. Mm-hmm. I'm trying to help you on these things Now, if you wanna let be at the end of your three years of parole, still saying, can I have my food voucher?
[00:14:14] Scott McKee: Yeah. There's other parole agents that will do that. I just don't think that that's the best thing for you. So the ones that stayed with me and didn't transfer out after about six months, they were full on. And the good thing that about after about six months, them being full on is word goes out, right?
[00:14:32] Scott McKee: Mm-hmm. They talk to other paroles and say, no, no, he's not gaming you.
[00:14:35] Damaged Parents: Right?
[00:14:36] Scott McKee: This really is something that could be helpful. And I'm not saying I just wanna clarify. Lots of awesome parole agents. I'm not saying that all agents were just out there handing out food vouchers and doing all those things that, that's totally opposite of the truth.
[00:14:48] Scott McKee: Most of the individuals I worked with, if I would say the majority of the individuals I worked with, had the best interest of the, the parole at heart. Trying to, because even if you're being selfish, what is the best thing you can have? You can have a person that is angry and wanting to go and do horrible things, and that is your society.
[00:15:10] Scott McKee: That's gonna be
[00:15:10] Damaged Parents: mm-hmm.
[00:15:11] Scott McKee: Who's gonna be out with your wife and your children and your family and your friends, or you could have someone that you can try to actually help do better, could be making money of their own and doing things on their own and never have to worry about them robbing, stealing, or doing anything to your family or friends.
[00:15:28] Scott McKee: So if it's just for selfishness factor, I think that was a good thing. So yeah, I think most of the people I worked with had good hearts and were trying to do good.
[00:15:38] Damaged Parents: Right.
[00:15:39] Damaged Parents: And I'm thinking too that by, by wanting the food vouchers or, and the bus passes and different things like that, that that would be safe and known at first.
[00:15:50] Scott McKee: Right.
[00:15:50] Damaged Parents: So it's probably really scary to shift. Like sometimes I think in coaching too, you know, you probably, you get a client and they're terrified. They know they wanna change.
[00:16:00] Scott McKee: Right.
[00:16:00] Damaged Parents: They know they wanna do this, but the unknown is scary.
[00:16:03] Scott McKee: Right. Right. That's literally one of the things people are most afraid of is the unknown.
[00:16:09] Scott McKee: I mean, they say public speaking, but public speaking is the unknown. I mean, all of this is the unknown. What's gonna happen when I so yeah, if, if you've never done anything but receive things for free, it's hard to see how it is, that it is better to go out there and earn or do or move forward in those areas.
[00:16:33] Scott McKee: So that's very difficult to do. But it's also really, really, really nice not to have to worry. Yeah. I mean, you can go through your life and not worry. I'm not saying you're gonna go through your life and never be pulled over by an officer again, I'm not saying you're gonna go through your whole life and never not have conflict again, but to know that if the conflict happens
[00:16:53] Scott McKee: that it's not automatically gonna be your fault because you can show this is who I am now, and you now have all of these other individuals who will raise their hands for you. And it's, it's just a, it's so much better when you can just not worry about all those other things.
[00:17:10] Damaged Parents: Mm-hmm.
[00:17:10] Scott McKee: And that's even true with, like you said, people going through these things they're dealing with now, whatever their it is.
[00:17:18] Scott McKee: They're it that they're dealing with. You know, it makes me sad. It causes me harm. It's going to ruin my marriage. It is going to keep me from getting promoted. Whatever your it is, it's kind of hard to look at and say, but it's my it and it's what I've had since I've been forever and I don't know how to deal without it.
[00:17:40] Scott McKee: yeah. So whether parolee or person dealing with. Whatever their little problem is, or big problem is, or is a little problem, and they don't realize it's a little problem until they can get their mind around that, it's not a big one. Those things are important.
[00:17:57] Damaged Parents: So when you had an a, quote unquote it in your life mm-hmm.
[00:18:01] Damaged Parents: How did you make it through?
[00:18:04] Scott McKee: Well it, it's kind of funny. I, we talked the other day. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, Talk about, I'm gonna bring up the B thing cuz that's my latest thing I've just dealt with. Okay. This little approximately a year ago I've been a beekeeper for six years. Um, Loved it. Wa loved the ballet of the bees.
[00:18:21] Scott McKee: Loved sitting out there and watching them come in and out of their hives. Loved the honey. I would give it to all my friends and family. Loved the the wax. I would make candles and all these different things for everybody. I just lived the life of a beekeeper. I loved it. I knew that I was allergic to bees.
[00:18:37] Scott McKee: Now I did not know the level of my allergy to bees because I've been stung a few times over that five years. Mostly my fault, not the bees. Just wanna let you know all, every, every time I was stung, it was because of something that I did that was out of that got the bees more excited than they should have and got stung.
[00:18:57] Scott McKee: So those I, every time I was like, well that was my fault. And one time I hand swell up a little bit the last time I got stung, which, Two or three years ago, my face swell up real big. And so when I contacted the doctor, they said, take bunch of ibuprofen Tylenol and Benadryl, and go lay down. And I, and I did that.
[00:19:17] Scott McKee: And after about a day and a half, I looked human again. So it was great. So I then knew I was allergic enough to bees that, that I should probably get an EpiPen, you know, to have around the doctor said, looking at my face, you probably should be protected. Said okay. So years went by. A year, year and a half went by, something like that and my bride said, Hey, let's go walk in the backyard.
[00:19:37] Scott McKee: It's a beautiful day. Let's go look at our garden. I said, sounds great. We're just going looking at vegetables, you know, beautiful Sunday sun's out stunning. I walk in the backyard and we're looking at the vegetables, and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, not my fault, this time out of nowhere, a bee comes over and stings me in my ear right here on the top of my ear, so not that big a deal.
[00:20:03] Scott McKee: I knew the, the response I scraped off the, the stinger.
[00:20:09] Damaged Parents: The stinger
[00:20:09] Scott McKee: went inside. I got the Benadryl. The ibuprofen or the Tylenol and the and the ibuprofen. And I took my three things and I said, okay, that's all I need to do. Just need to sit down. Well, I went and sat down and, and all of a sudden my whole body's starting to get covered with red dots.
[00:20:29] Scott McKee: It just rashed all up. And my wife is looking at me and she thought I was, my blood pressure was shooting up cuz I was bright red. So she takes my blood pressure and it was 70 over 30 or something like that. And she goes, that's impossible. She goes, that, that the blood pressure thing is broken, it's can't be working.
[00:20:50] Scott McKee: So, I go, okay, I just don't feel good. I'll go to the restroom. I feel like I'm gonna get sick. I stand up. Stand up, fall down again. She goes, we need to get you to the hospital. Like I, I can't go to the hospital, stand up, fall down again. So now I'm on the floor and all of a sudden, for the first time ever, I thought, I'm going to die.
[00:21:09] Scott McKee: To that feeling that you go, okay, I'm no longer in control here. I could feel my heartbeat stopping. I am going to die. And so I looked up to her and I said, I'm gonna die. Call nine one. And she did. She called 9 1 1. And that's the last part I remembered was her calling 9 1 1. While she was on the phone with nine one one, she told him that, you know, I'd taken the ibuprofen and all that stuff.
[00:21:33] Scott McKee: And she goes, but I have an EpiPen here. Should I use it? I, she goes, I was afraid to use it cuz he's taking all this stuff. And he, she said, he said yes. And then told her how to use it. She stabbed into my leg and I, within a few seconds came back, got sick, and then the EMTs were there. It felt like within like 30 seconds after that my blood pressure was actually that I was dying.
[00:21:55] Scott McKee: When the, the, they came in, my blood pressure was almost zero. I mean, I was not pumping blood. If it wasn't for the EpiPen, I would've, the E M T said that I would've died before they got there.. So once again, my bride saved my life. I mean, she saved my life when she married me. Now she saved my life doing this. So too, too late to say.
[00:22:15] Scott McKee: Long story short, cuz it's been long, but it, it grew a fear in me because now I was afraid of bees. And so, just a part to tell What happened is, is a wasp group group had attacked my beehive. And so the bees were agitated and they were out attacking, and that's, I just happened to be where they were mad at that time.
[00:22:39] Scott McKee: So I called my, my mentor in beehives on beekeeping, and I said, come get all the bees. He did I had three hives, big hives. He came and got them, and even though he did be started attacking my screen, I thought everywhere they were coming, everywhere I went.
[00:23:00] Damaged Parents: So your perception was regardless of what was happening, they are coming after me.
[00:23:05] Damaged Parents: And this is well after.
[00:23:06] Scott McKee: Yes, this is well after Jimmy. This went on for, I was afraid to leave the house for well over a month. Anytime I did, I ran to a car. I was trying to explain to my wife how the bees were trying to attack me. Because mentally that was reality for me at that point. And she said, that's just crazy.
[00:23:23] Scott McKee: You gotta stop talking like that. I mean, in a nice way, loving. But we were driving to this place and I go look, and right on the windshield was a bee sitting there on the windshield. I go, see, they're trying to attack me. So the reality was is bees have probably landed on my windshield a thousand times, a million times.
[00:23:39] Scott McKee: I don't know how many times. Bees are
[00:23:41] Damaged Parents: right
[00:23:41] Scott McKee: everywhere. So the chances of being on my windshield are pretty high, but I had never noticed it before. Because it wasn't something that was my center of these are trying to kill me. They were just always these wonderful things that were out there. And so my perception on everything in life had changed and my fear, which I had never really had.
[00:24:03] Scott McKee: I've worked in prisons, I've worked with parolees. I was a second striker parole agent, which is the highest level of, of parole. There is these guys on their third strike can go back to prison for life. I mean, this is. That should be fearful. I was fine, but a bee little dinky thing like this now had locked me into my home.
[00:24:24] Scott McKee: And so I was speaking to a person that I respect highly. And we were having lunch cuz he said, you need to get out. And he brought me to lunch and talked to me. And I just said, if I could get through this, if I could just get through this, and this wasn't like 30 years ago, this was last year. I was already a life coach.
[00:24:43] Scott McKee: I was already teaching people how to get through their fears. I was already dealing with everyone else's issues, problems. And he just said, you don't need to get through this. This is life. And I go, but you, you know? I was like, you don't understand. No. He's like, no, no. This is life. This fear is life.
[00:25:04] Scott McKee: That bee is life, that there are other bees flying around is life, that it won't be the end of your life is life that you're hyper-focused right now is life. It's not waiting to get to the time where you're skipping around and just all is well. That's life and that seems so simple and someone hearing it right now probably is saying.
[00:25:29] Scott McKee: Right. Come on. That, that couldn't be more basic. But for me, that was the deepest level of, you know, doctorate degree philosophy I had ever heard in my entire life. And it was everything. And from that point forward, I started walking around again. I did. I didn't run to my car. I walked to my car. I went back in my garden and trust me, my garden is filled with bees.
[00:26:00] Scott McKee: It still has bees coming around there. They're, but I went back there and know what they did not care. They were going on it. It's funny to think that bees all over the world, were not thinking, how can we kill Scott? All is is making honey and pollinating plants and doing their life and that, that was the aha moment lately that just sent off a thing that, you know what?
[00:26:29] Scott McKee: Not only aren't bees out there saying, how can we kill Scott? The guy slowing down in front of me in the car isn't trying to annoy me. The person that doesn't have their money out at the grocery store and is just standing there going as slow is not doing that just because they think that I have more time than I do.
[00:26:48] Scott McKee: The person who is grouchy with me that you were talking about they're not trying to make me angry, hurt my feelings, or make my life uncomfortable. They're going through their own hell, and all of a sudden I'm like, okay, planet, stop rotating around me. I get that this isn't reality. And I started even more than I was before.
[00:27:11] Scott McKee: That date took me almost, almost 60 years to see even more that I am here to help and love and care for others, and in doing so, my life is life right now. Mm-hmm. And so that was a very long answer to a very short question, so
[00:27:30] Damaged Parents: I love your very long answer because it's. It's just the, like I said, love authentically and just share who I am.
[00:27:39] Damaged Parents: I mean, you know, that's exactly what you do. But if you could sum up in three tools or tips, if somebody's in the midst of that struggle right now, besides knowing that the struggle is where life happens. Mm-hmm. What would you say? Try this or think about this.
[00:27:58] Scott McKee: I think the first three tools and tips of the first, and it might be all three, but it's definitely the first is share the reality you're going through with someone you trust.
[00:28:09] Scott McKee: And I'm not saying with just anyone because there is nothing worse than going and saying to someone, like, with mine, I, I am scared to death right now to go outside and them going, that's ridiculous those bees don't care about you and you're just being silly. When your whole world is rocked like that, the last thing you need to hear is that you're stupid and silly.
[00:28:33] Scott McKee: Yeah. So that's why I said, when I say share with someone you trust, make sure it's someone you really trust. Someone who cares enough about you to say, wow. Okay. Tell me what is making you feel this way. Talk to me about it. Let let me know. Not just like the, but just let me know and let me talk. And once you start speaking it out and you're hearing it out loud and then they speak it back and you can hear those things, it starts making it more reality than this fantasy of that there is no way out of this hell I think that is a really, really big point.
[00:29:11] Scott McKee: I think the second is, is that looking at your past, I, I have my clients, especially my clients that are suffering from diagnosed depression, not me. I do not diagnose and I do in no way diagnose anything. I deal strictly with coaching, but the people I've had refer to me from psychiatrist, psychologists that already have a diagnosis of depression and their depression is, is cyclical.
[00:29:39] Scott McKee: I have them write themselves I kind of make their own 72 hour kit that I say a 72 hour kit of of health, and they write themselves that you will come through this because I can tell someone suffering from depression, you will come through this and they say, you don't know what I'm going through.
[00:29:59] Scott McKee: Right. And I don't. They're exactly right. I don't, but they do. And so when they're on their good and they're on their high and they're feeling really like they can talk to themselves, I have them take pictures with their family. I have them write things about, Hey, listen, usually it takes you about three to four days before you're gonna come through this when you don't believe you're gonna come through this.
[00:30:24] Scott McKee: Sometimes it takes two weeks. So let's work on these things. And it's from them so I think the tool of letting you know you is a really, really healthy thing. And if you have a cyclical situation manic depression, different things, and I'm, and I'm not, once again, not dealing with the diagnosis, I'm just dealing with the, the side effects and the things that happened during those things is that when you were on your, your A game, write your F minus game
[00:30:58] Scott McKee: some letters, write them some things that tells you that there is a way out of this because when you're at your lowest point, you don't believe anybody but you and you are lying to you, right? When you're at your lowest point, you're lying to you. You're saying, I will never get out of this. This is the end, and it will never get better, because that's what these different diagnoses do.
[00:31:21] Scott McKee: They say, I, I say anxiety. Is the biggest liar in the world, right? It tells you things that are going to happen that you don't know are going to happen. And not only are they gonna happen, they're all gonna be miserable. If you get that job, you're going to fail. Everyone's going to hate you, you're gonna lose it, and then you'll never get another job.
[00:31:40] Scott McKee: Rather than you get the job, you've got the job. Why isn't that awesome? So these different things that we're dealing with in life, if we can remind ourselves when we're doing well, it's a real good friend to have during our fight.
[00:31:56] Damaged Parents: Yeah,
[00:31:56] Scott McKee: because, because at times this is a fight, right? It's not just a, we both talked, we both love meditation.
[00:32:04] Scott McKee: I, I I, I love meditation and we both love flow. I mean, I'm, I'm huge on flow and, and when I can, when I'm at my flow, it's, it's my best. I love that. But there are times. My flow isn't flowing in areas where I need to go, and I think my decisions, my own knowledge tells me, no, there, this is a time I need to fight.
[00:32:28] Scott McKee: I need to step up and do some things that aren't just go with it. And so I don't know if that's. Anti some different things. It's just how I, I have been for me. So that's what I always said. If you, if you're looking for these other type of coaches, there are other type of coaches out there that do great things in, in specific areas.
[00:32:50] Scott McKee: And, and mine is far more looking at me and working. When I say me my client and, and saying, Hey, listen, who are we? Whether we're dealing with drug addiction, whether we're dealing with pornography, whether we're dealing with, can't find a job, whether we're dealing with problems with spouse, those are all human issues.
[00:33:09] Scott McKee: They're, they're just issues that we as humans go through and know what 90% of the time we already have the answer to how we're going to deal with it. Because I think the answers are built within us, but sometimes we just can't hear it until someone else says it. Like you'll say it and I'll go, did you hear what you just said?
[00:33:27] Scott McKee: Yes.
[00:33:27] Damaged Parents: Right? Yeah.
[00:33:28] Scott McKee: What did you just say?
[00:33:29] Damaged Parents: That's my favorite. That's my favorite part.
[00:33:31] Scott McKee: Right? What did you just say? Oh, I said that this is ruining my life. Okay, so it's ruining your life, so it's something you want to continue with? No. Okay. That's a start, right? You're telling you that you don't want it anymore.
[00:33:44] Damaged Parents: Yeah. Yeah. You
[00:33:45] Damaged Parents: brought that in.
[00:33:46] Scott McKee: Yeah. Right. I didn't tell. I didn't tell you. You told you. And now I want you to write that down. I just said I don't want it. Okay, good. Now we got a good start. Now let's start working on how we can do those other things.
[00:33:58] Damaged Parents: Yeah, so. Amazing conversation. I'm so glad to have had you on this show.
[00:34:04] Damaged Parents: I'm gonna tell people how to find you now.
[00:34:06] Scott McKee: Oh, awesome. Thank you.
[00:34:08] Damaged Parents: You're welcome. You can find Scott on his website https://outlierlcs.com. You can email him at scott@outlierlcs.com. He's on Facebook, but not all the time. He's not like me. Yeah. Sorry. Check it in. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Like just, I love, I loved this conversation and I loved pointing out that the strength is found and the struggle, and that's where life happens.
[00:34:35] Scott McKee: Yeah.
[00:34:35] Damaged Parents: Because if I have learned anything, it is that, and I think I learned it more after starting the podcast and talking to so many people with struggles that I went, oh. This is where life is all these people manage to get through. So now when I'm in a flare up or I'm in this or I'm in that, okay, I've done, and I can remember I did this before.
[00:35:03] Damaged Parents: Yeah. How did I do it? And then I can make mental notes of those things. So I just love that you're guiding people through that and that you just love every single person on this earth, even at their worst. And so thank you for that.
[00:35:17] Scott McKee: It's absolutely my pleasure. Thank you.
[00:35:19] Damaged Parents: Okay, everybody. We shall. See you next week.
[00:35:22] Damaged Parents: Have a good week. Bye bye-Bye.
Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We've really enjoyed talking to Scott about how he learned that life is in the struggle. That's where life happens. We especially liked when he talked about the bees and how he learned to love parolees yeah I know that rhymes to unite with other damaged people connect with us on instagram look for Damaged Parents We'll be here next week still Relatively Damaged see you then
