S2E65: Tylia Flores - Stomping on Barriers

Tylia Flores is a 26-year-old born with cerebral palsy. Although her condition has affected her mobility, it has never affected her will and determination to make a difference in the world. Through her many life challenges and obstacles, she discovered her passion for writing. Tylia’s goal in life is to share her stories with the world. In doing so, she hopes to help others with disabilities realize that they, too, have the potential to make their dreams come true.

Tylia is also a radio show host personality and has her own radio show called The Stomping on CP Radio on Asheville F.M she also host another radio show called Musabilty on hindsight media 10.35 .

She also host podcasts called Stompers in love and disability nostalgia

Social media and contact information:

https://www.facebook.com/Stompingoncpwithtylia

Podcast Transcript

[00:00:00] Damaged Parents: Welcome back to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents were wheelchair bound, camp fishing difference people making com. To learn, maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged. Someone once told me it's safe to assume. 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way.

[00:00:20] I would venture to say it's closer to 100%. Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about. In my ongoing investigation of the damaged self, I want to better understand how others view their own challenges.

[00:00:44] Maybe it's not so much about the damage, maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience? My hero is you. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side, whole you who stares directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover your purpose.

[00:01:14] You are the people who inspire me to be more fully me. Not in spite of my trials, but because of them. Let's hear from another hero. Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advice. The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them.

[00:01:39] Today, we're going to talk with Tylia Flores. She has many roles in her life, daughter, author, CP advocate, and more. We'll talk about how adulting with cerebral palsy is extremely difficult and how she is finding health and healing. Let's Talk

[00:01:58] Welcome back to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. Today, we have Tylia Flores and I think I got her name right.

[00:02:07] Tylia Flores: Yes.

[00:02:08] Damaged Parents: Hallelujah she's a 26 year old born with cerebral palsy. Although her condition has affected her mobility, it has never affected her will and determination to make a difference in the world, through her many life challenges and obstacles.

[00:02:23] She's discovered her passion for writing Tyler. Wow. I almost said it wrong again. Tylia's goal in life is to share her stories with the world in doing so she hopes help others with disabilities realize that they too have the potential to make their dreams come true. She's also a radio show host personality with, I think we, you said four shows before we started.

[00:02:46] For, she's got four different shows you guys. And one of them is called The Stomping on CP radio on Asheville FM, and she also hosts other the other one of the other radio shows that she hosts is called usability. On hindsight media, 10 dot three, five. You can find her on Facebook, Stomping on CP with Tylia. Wow. I did it again.

[00:03:09] Tylia Flores: Oh,

[00:03:10] Damaged Parents: I'm going to, I'm going to start over that sentence and you can find, oh dear. Well, I'm just going to say Thai, but then I'm going to mess it up here at Tylia why do I keep getting it wrong? Okay. So you can find Tylia out on Facebook at Stomping, on CP with Tylia Tylia welcome to the show and I'm ordering or laughing.

[00:03:34] I'm laughing because I practiced her name so many times.

[00:03:38] Tylia Flores: It's okay. You can blame my mom. She gave me such a beautiful Greek name, but it's so hard for people to pronounce to.

[00:03:47] Damaged Parents: It's so beautiful. And it's funny because in my mind, if I put a hyphen after the T why I get it, but when I don't have that there, like, I want to say something different. don't know why, because it is it's gorgeous.

[00:04:02] Tylia Flores: Yeah, but people just always picture it. Even in Disney world, Mickey Mouse butchered at once he called me in Tyler,

[00:04:10] Damaged Parents: Oh, Mickey Mouse.

[00:04:14] Tylia Flores: I was just so devastated. I was like, you know what? You gave me a complicated name, mom.

[00:04:21] Damaged Parents: Well, we gotta love our moms sometimes. Right. But now, before we started the recording, We were talking about, uh, just a couple of different things. And you said that something happened, you were starting to say something happened with a friend of yours before you became a writer. And that there was a struggle there.

[00:04:43] And I said, hang on a second. Let's get this on

[00:04:45] Tylia Flores: Yeah, you stopped me. Well, when I was in preschool, I met a young man by the name of Daniel and we, we became really good friends, but of course, as time went on we lost contact. But at 14 years old, thanks to my space. He reconnected with me again. If you remember my space back in the day, I don't want to

[00:05:07] Damaged Parents: Yes, I'm old.

[00:05:08] Tylia Flores: You reconnected with me again. And it was like, the friendship never left. After all these years of then he gets diagnosed with brain cancer and passes away right in the middle of our freshman year of high school.

[00:05:20] Damaged Parents: Oh, wow.

[00:05:21] Tylia Flores: So that was tough. But through that, I was able to figure out that through writing, I was able to channel my grief and get over that, and it helped me immensely.

[00:05:33] And I published James Ticking Time Bomb only a year later. And after that, I went on to disability and advocacy. And then this past year I published my autobiography.

[00:05:45] Damaged Parents: Awesome. Gosh, you are one busy woman. There's one thing I can say about people with disabilities it's just part of who we are there. It feels like sometimes there's no stopping us, you know, like,

[00:05:58] Tylia Flores: That's all I feel on the mixed of all my new projects that I'm working on. I'm currently in the middle of writing another book, developing a cartoon series for like a big network. I don't know which one I'm going to pitch the adventures of stomping on TPD, but I'm working on an animated series with one of the best illustrators, my illustrator, Chuck Halloran from Rhode Island.

[00:06:23] And he's just fantastic. So.

[00:06:26] Damaged Parents: Gosh, that sounds like a lot of fun.

[00:06:28] Tylia Flores: Yes, it is a lot of fun.

[00:06:29] Like actually this weekend, I just got the rough draft for the first episode that we want to air show. I'm looking forward to it.

[00:06:38] Damaged Parents: Oh, that's going to be so much fun. Now, one of the things that When you filled out the form to come on the show, you said your biggest struggle has been adulting with cerebral palsy. What do you mean by that? So, I mean, because I'm getting, I'm not getting that it's cerebral palsy itself. That is the struggle.

[00:06:56] It's the adulting with it.

[00:06:58] Tylia Flores: Oh, yeah, because there's very little healthcare and very little awareness and we get very little benefits when it.

[00:07:04] comes to adulting with cerebral palsy. Once you turn 21, your healthcare basically goes downhill.

[00:07:10] Damaged Parents: As far as like you physically, your health goes downhill as someone with cerebral palsy or the health care that is offered.

[00:07:18] Tylia Flores: The health care that is offered at as much as I hate to say Healthcare that was offered to me, especially now that I'm 26 now is kind of crappy. Like as a kid, I was going to physical therapy for three hours a week. Insurance covered it. Now they only cover six therapy sessions a year for 30 minutes. And that's not what we need. And there's just a lack of understanding toward adult with cerebral palsy. Like people just assume that it just ends one cheer child when it is over. And it doesn't, you continue to age, you continue to have these issues and it's just ignored by society.

[00:07:58] Damaged Parents: What, or how could it be done better?

[00:08:02] Tylia Flores: Well, we need to start sharing our story, especially adults with CP when they stop being so afraid to speak out on what is really going on, because people like to make it seem like, oh, it's all peaches And cream. And the reality is, Yes, that could be the case, but you have to be raw with yourself and yet to be raw with your truth.

[00:08:23] And through my writings, I've been able to be raw with my truth through advocacy. I've been able to do that through my radio shows. I've been able to do that and I'm not afraid to speak out the truth.

[00:08:34] Damaged Parents: my understanding is with cerebral palsy, it's just, it's really muscle issues are like more you have difficulty controlling certain muscle groups and things like that, but you're, you're fully there. Like, like it doesn't impact the brain generally. Right.

[00:08:50] Tylia Flores: Yeah, well, it depends on the person's type and the stage that they have. Like, I was lucky enough to have the, the socialization function and not unable to function. And I may, well, they know what's going on. Other people may not like if you take a look at like, you see the difference between my left hand and my Right.

[00:09:10] hand.

[00:09:11] Damaged Parents: Yeah, so she's got, so let's see her left hand is, is contracted right with one finger pointing out in the other and her right hand is more normal.

[00:09:21] Tylia Flores: normal.

[00:09:22] And this is the finger that I used to type my books with.

[00:09:25] Damaged Parents: Oh, ah, okay. So you're kind of a lefty then.

[00:09:29] Tylia Flores: When it comes to typing up my books, but luckily we have the modern technology. We have the driving dictation, we have the Siri, we have the text to speak. We have so many features. Like if my hands get too tired, I could open up the assessability on my MacBook pro and the key word would come up on the screen.

[00:09:49] Damaged Parents: Hmm. Now, is it hard for you? So I know for me, it is, I used to write a lot, But there is a disconnect for me when it comes to using dictation. So was that, how did you, or did you have a problem with that?

[00:10:08] Tylia Flores: Oh, I definitely had a problem with, I could tell you, cause my voice is very high, pitched like a mouse. So in college, in college, always writing an essay about Jane Austin and silly me. I didn't check the document before I sent it in because I wanted to be little miss perfect and little miss. I submitted my assignment early.

[00:10:30] I didn't have to do it. And it put in the assignment, Jane Austin was a fine author. She empowered woman to write books in that time period when it wasn't allowed. And oh, by the way, she had all mighty penis

[00:10:47] Damaged Parents: did you die?

[00:10:51] Tylia Flores: So my professor and Lord bless him, professor Patterson. He comes to me and he's like, Ms. Flores, did you read this assignment before you submitted it? I said, yes, professor. He goes, well, I could assure you that Jane Austin didn't have an all mighty penis.

[00:11:11] Damaged Parents: So was it just, it, wasn't just a lot of practicing with the dictation software and things like that.

[00:11:20] Tylia Flores: Yes. It wasn't. Especially when, like I first got the dragon dictation, it came with a headphone. Back in 20 20 12, which was the first time I really used a dictation speaker. But ever since that experience in college lesson learned, always check the work before you submit it, because he is not always trustworthy.

[00:11:43] Damaged Parents: No dictation is not always trustworthy So you've written books using dictation software and your pointer finger on your left hand. and so what was that like? I mean, my understanding is the editing process can be a little bit of a pain in the

[00:12:00] Tylia Flores: Well, the good thing is that I have a great team of editors that edited my book. So I don't have to worry about that part. the only thing I worry about is writing the manuscript and sending it in and looking at it over.

[00:12:12] Damaged Parents: Oh, okay. So you're, you have a team that you can work with that that just looks every, that takes care of that for you.

[00:12:20] Tylia Flores: Yes. And I don't have to worry about the stress, but I am mindful of like periods, commas. quotation I am mindful that too, but I just love my editing team because they're like, okay, this is what she meant. This is what she needs and we get it done. I may have to yell at some people sometimes. They get it done.

[00:12:41] Damaged Parents: I love it. I think that's something that people with disabilities can be good at sometimes is, the yelling.

[00:12:49] Tylia Flores: Yeah, but don't, but don't make it too much of a habit. Like I'm nice to my. Editors, unless they like wake me up before I have my orange juice and I tell them, I'm like, guys, if it's eight o'clock in the morning and I haven't had my orange juice and I haven't opened up my laptop, don't wake me up. Wait till like 11, maybe 12.

[00:13:09] Because you know, by that time I'm in a better mood.

[00:13:12] Damaged Parents: Right. Yeah. But sometimes I'm sure they just get excited and they just want

[00:13:16] Tylia Flores: Yeah, yeah, yeah. like right then.

[00:13:19] and there. But other than that, it's a good time. Like I have my team of illustrators. Chuck is my main one, and then I have Scott Middleton from Kentucky. That's my other main one. And then I have a young lady in the Philippines who I just hired on and she's phenomenal. And then I have my 17 year old cousin.

[00:13:41] Damaged Parents: Oh, wow. So you've got, you know, that is the one thing that I think that I've noticed is, is when having a disability that we've got to have teams.

[00:13:51] Tylia Flores: Yeah, it's part of our everyday life. Like my mom, she's my main caregiver. Then we've had a great nurse for five years when we lived in Fort Lauderdale. Unfortunately she's not the nursing anymore, but I have my mom, my stepdad, and my grandma. Like everybody just comes together. Cause it does take a village.

[00:14:10] Damaged Parents: And I mean, I don't think it doesn't seem to, it seems to me like they really actually support you in achieving your dream.

[00:14:18] Tylia Flores: Yes. Especially my mom, like she's my number one cheerleader. She's like, if you want to do it, go for it. You know, she's always been that support system from the time I was born.

[00:14:29] Damaged Parents: That's awesome. I mean, what do you think? Like there are so many people out there. I think that don't have that. Support system, you know, and, if someone's got any kind of disability or CPE or what have you, what would you say? I mean, it seems like maybe the best thing to do would start to build that team.

[00:14:49] And, if you agree with me on that, then how would you say that, you know, what are maybe some tips people can do to build it?

[00:14:56] Tylia Flores: I agree with you on that but the first thing's first, and that's an unfortunate that we have parents would disabilities that don't support their children and they live in toxic environments. Like they have to believe in themselves first. Like even though I didn't grow up in a toxic environment, which I'm very thankful for, I had to believe that I could do this and I can do that.

[00:15:18] Like I've even played sports prior to me being a writer. And, you know, some of the sports were silly. I played soccer, I played a wheelchair hockey at one point, I attempted that didn't didn't work, but I played softball and basketball, and those were my main two sports, you know, I was able to make it to the championship with my special league team.

[00:15:41] But yeah, what I would tell people is like always push yourself to be the best person you could be, because you're your own self motivation.

[00:15:49] Damaged Parents: So one thing I heard you say, I think I understood it, right was the, and some of us have, does, or were born with disabilities and we have parents with disabilities But that are toxic. And so I think in the way you worded that, what I'm hearing is that those mental health struggles that create the toxic environment are also disabilities.

[00:16:12] Was that what you were trying to say?

[00:16:14] Tylia Flores: Yes. I agree because I struggle with mental health myself on a day-to-day basis. I do suffer from depression. I do have anxiety and ADHD, and I see a psychiatrist and there's nothing wrong with it. You just have to know yourself, and yourself love, and you have to follow those tools that you need

[00:16:35] Damaged Parents: Okay, so, oh, sorry.

[00:16:37] Tylia Flores: oh, go ahead.

[00:16:38] Damaged Parents: I was going to say so, so the person with the disability may have some mental health issues, but also the parent may have some mental health issues. And so if the parent has mental health issues and creates that toxic environment, then I would think it's harder for the child with a disability to thrive, or even a parent with a disability.

[00:17:02] With mental health and a regular, not a regular enabled bodied child.

[00:17:06] Tylia Flores: Mm. It's just very hard for them to thrive. And I always tell those types of people because I get emails from those parents all the time. And those kids I'll always tell them, like you have to push yourself and you have to keep pushing forward and don't believe what they're saying about you. I know it's hard, but you just got to prove them wrong.

[00:17:27] And maybe one day they'll see the light. You know, I had a girl. Who read my book in the Philippines, her and her mother, she read the second part of my autobiography, how to get a man on wheels and cheap. And they wrote to me, and they were like, thank you for shedding light on this topic, because if it wasn't for you sharing your story on your struggles with dating with the disability, I would've never allowed my daughter to meet her online boyfriend till we thank you for it.

[00:17:58] And that was good to see. Yeah,

[00:18:00] Damaged Parents: Yeah, it is hard. Let's see when my disability came on, I think I dated two people before I realized it was permanent. And then, you know, I, I, I just stopped. It just became so hard to even look at other. I don't know if it was me accepting myself or even other people willing to accept me with the challenges that I have.

[00:18:25] Tylia Flores: Yeah. And that's it. that's another avenue. And That's why I started a podcast with my girlfriend. Who's transgender. I met her when she was a male and now she's just transitioning to female and that podcast is called Stompers in Love. And we do that every week or so. So we bring awareness to disability and dating and we just end the stigmas.

[00:18:50] And it's a really fun podcast. There's some swearing in there, but it's really fun.

[00:18:55] Damaged Parents: Sometimes you just got to swear. Is it transgender now? I would say a transgender woman, right? Because there are women, a woman now. Um, is that also considered a disability? I was, I don't think of it as a disability, which is why I'm asking.

[00:19:11] Tylia Flores: No, it is considered a mental kind of disability, but it's not classified as disability as of yet.

[00:19:19] Damaged Parents: Okay. So, gosh, I mean, I think that from the perspectives that we're talking about? I think in some ways we see the world a lot, the same in that we all struggle. It just happens to look a little bit different or a lot different.

[00:19:36] Tylia Flores: Totally. Totally. I agree with you there, but isn't that? What makes the world unique? Those that we all have different lenses.

[00:19:44] Damaged Parents: Yeah, I was in a my daughter asked me to come to school. She's a junior in high school. Isn't that fun. Right. And.

[00:19:52] Tylia Flores: I miss those days that's when life was simpler, I graduated in 14.

[00:19:57] Damaged Parents: Wow. Yeah, life was a lot simpler, but I, I just remember sitting in there, we were in a little group talking and there was a kid. With a backpack. And I said, tell me what the backpack looks from looks like from your perspective. And he said, well, I've got two straps and some shoulder pads. I said, I don't see any straps or shoulder pads.

[00:20:16] I only see zippers. And he says, well, there's only straps. I don't know what to tell you. So we kind of joshed back and forth. And I said, okay, now what happened? If we acknowledge that we're just coming from two separate perspectives and now we have just a more in-depth picture and he's so then he said, well, I've got two straps over here.

[00:20:36] I said, I've got two zippers, boy, I would love some straps. And he said, well, I would love some zippers. And, you know, we kind of ended on that and it's, Thinking about the backpack. We'll just call it the backpack analogy, right?

[00:20:49] Tylia Flores: Yeah.

[00:20:50] Damaged Parents: with disabilities, that if we take that and put that into the world of humans, that that's what happens when we involve people from all different backgrounds, via disability, race, anything financial situation, we just get to see a much brighter world.

[00:21:08] Tylia Flores: Exactly. And that's the way I look at it. Cerebral palsy. Yes. It's a pain in the butt, especially when I'm trying to sleep and it wakes me up. I have a party at night with muscle spasm and hamstring tightening, and they all want to get together and have a party it's like having an annoying tenant, but I say, I'm thankful.

[00:21:30] Damaged Parents: How did you get to that point where you were thankful for it.

[00:21:33] Tylia Flores: When I started writing and I found my outlet for it because years prior, I hated having cerebral palsy. Like if you want to told me at 12 years old, by the time I'm 26, I would be a published author. I would be open about my disability and I would have started an advocacy group and I've been on all these radio shows, talking about my disability.

[00:21:58] Probably I would have laughed in your face, not me, not the 12 year old with buck teeth and low self esteem, like, no.

[00:22:07] Damaged Parents: So, what do you think came first? Was it the, did the self-esteem start showing up when you were writing or what, what do you think transpired.

[00:22:15] Tylia Flores: I think the passion for writing gave me the opportunity to develop my self-esteem and to see that my disability is beautiful and I'm ready to embrace it. you know, back when I was like 13, 14, I would be on, on the computer cat fishing people.

[00:22:33] Damaged Parents: Just so you can feel good about yourself.

[00:22:35] Tylia Flores: Just So that I could escape because back in 2009, we, we had the technology technology was evolving. So I would go into these online worlds where I would create 3d characters with blonde hair and blue eyes. And there, I felt comfortable because I didn't have to worry about the disability. I didn't have to worry about being bullied or teased or being judged.

[00:22:59] I could just go into that online world as tangled 12. No one would judge me and I had more friends in, in the online world, but I didn't in real life. But see, the issue is you can't hide behind the screen forever. So one day, one of my online friends, he wanted to Skype with me, but I was in the wheelchair and he had never seen me before.

[00:23:24] So I'm like, oh my God. Oh my God, what do I do when my parents were at the neighbor's house and I wasn't going to call them, you know? So I'm like, what do I do? What do I do? So. It it's now or never. So I just got on the computer. I Skyped him when he, he looks at me, he goes, holy crap. You're in a wheelchair.

[00:23:40] That explains everything. Why didn't you tell us? I have friends with cerebral palsy and from. And then from there, me and him became really good friends and he, he's followed my work to this day. And you know, it was, it's been really cool to have him around now. He's like, I never would've thought that you would have been I'm like I know, but it was, it took me meeting you for me to see that there's nothing wrong with having a disability.

[00:24:10] Damaged Parents: So that was a kind of a turning point. It sounds like when, when he said Y Y instead of being disgusted and upset, because he felt do, he was like, oh, this makes a lot more sense. And you're cool.

[00:24:26] Tylia Flores: Yeah. Like, I talk about hiding my disability and the first part of handy capable stomping on the barriers that come my way. it's just really like, Amazing to see how far I came from being that girl that was ashamed to being the woman left. Like I have CP. So who cares?

[00:24:46] Damaged Parents: I know. Right. Like getting to that point though is just, so for me, it was a huge struggle for me to be like, yep. Okay. Well, my hands don't Right. And I don't walk very far

[00:24:59] Tylia Flores: Yeah,

[00:25:00] Damaged Parents: and I'm still pretty amazing,

[00:25:01] Tylia Flores: It's.

[00:25:02] Damaged Parents: but I couldn't have said that

[00:25:03] Tylia Flores: No,

[00:25:04] Damaged Parents: even three years ago, I don't know if I could have said that three years ago.

[00:25:08] Tylia Flores: it takes time. It really does. And a lot of people ask me, they're like, how did you get your confidence? I'm like, it took time. It took me years to accept that I was the way I was and what I've been able to do with it.

[00:25:23] Damaged Parents: But I think there's something changed when you decided to own it.

[00:25:27] Tylia Flores: Yeah, totally cool. Now I didn't have to hide behind the avatars and now I can finally be who I wanted to be

[00:25:36] Damaged Parents: Which was just yourself,

[00:25:37] Tylia Flores: just myself and I didn't care more.

[00:25:40] Damaged Parents: but did you even know that before, when you were building the avatars, that that was what you really wanted?

[00:25:46] Tylia Flores: No. I just thought, okay, this is going to be my escape from my reality. Just letting me be.

[00:25:51] Damaged Parents: It wouldn't, I think it would have been really easy to get caught and stuck in that too.

[00:25:57] Tylia Flores: Yeah. And that's why I always tell people, especially now with COVID and stuff, I'm like, if you could stay out of the virtual world, stay out of it because it could suck you in.

[00:26:09] Damaged Parents: when you say virtual, do you mean. like this or

[00:26:13] Tylia Flores: like all of it, all of it, because now it just seems like the world's getting so used to virtual and things like that. And that scares me because it's like, no, we're not going to be used to meeting people.

[00:26:26] Damaged Parents: Mm.

[00:26:27] Tylia Flores: actual person And a lot of the times, a lot of people in the disability community virtual is the easiest way to connect and communicate, which is, which is great.

[00:26:38] But they seem to forget that a virtual world isn't a real life world.

[00:26:44] Damaged Parents: I see your point, because I was thinking about that. if yes, it's easier to connect virtually. And if I don't go out into my day to day world or my local world, whatever you want to call it, the real world, then other people aren't going to be able, they're not going to get used to seeing me or, in someone with a disability.

[00:27:07] So am I really doing the world a favor? Do I prefer watching the movie at home instead of going to the line and having people see me and then, you know, having this say I can't stand very long. Sure.

[00:27:20] Tylia Flores: Like I miss going to the, like, since COVID happened, like I, I still try to go outside. Like I make it a point to say, okay, I'm going out this weekend because during the week I'm working at home, but like in the beginning of COVID, when things started shutting down and things started going virtual, it was rough.

[00:27:40] Like, I felt like my livelihood was taken. Like I was supposed to go to camp that year, night to shine and they turned everything virtual. I'm like, what's the point of this? And all, all my camp friends were like, oh my God, this is fun. I'm like, this is a waste of time. Like.

[00:27:56] Damaged Parents: That's so funny because I had the opposite. I had this feeling of, oh my gosh, the world just opened up to me and. Then I felt like all of a sudden, a lot more people could understand my perspective of being, being a little more, being stuck, feeling stuck at home.

[00:28:17] Tylia Flores: Yeah, I got that to him within the first two weeks. And then after the fourth or fifth week, I was like, all right, when are things open up again? This is how the world's supposed to be. Disney world is only supposed to shut down for hurricane not a virus.

[00:28:32] Damaged Parents: Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Gosh, I think it's going to be a different world from here on out. I also think, I think I agree on some level with you. We've got to make sure we're going out and so that other people in the public can get, be used to seeing someone with a disability. Yeah, because otherwise when the word disability comes up or let's say new laws come or whatever starts happening, they will need to vote to help us

[00:29:02] Tylia Flores: Yeah, no, they won't need to vote

[00:29:05] Damaged Parents: if they don't, if they don't know us.

[00:29:07] Tylia Flores: yeah. They don't know us. And they've only seen us.

[00:29:09] through a computer screen.

[00:29:11] Damaged Parents: Well, I think, well maybe if they, even if they've seen us through a computer screen, if we've built that relationship, but I think what I'm saying is like, why would, what would prompt someone to vote for a disability type law that might help people if they haven't seen us out doing those things in a healthy manner?

[00:29:32] Does that make sense?

[00:29:33] Tylia Flores: Yeah, I agree.

[00:29:35] Damaged Parents: So. So. I think that's why. Okay. Tylia I'm going to make sure to get out two more times this week. It's my goal. I'm going to say hi to people,

[00:29:44] Tylia Flores: At Starbucks and get you a frappuccino.

[00:29:47] Damaged Parents: but I mean, if, if all of us made it a goal to go out once a week or twice a week to, to just literally go say hi to people, I wonder what would happen with other people's ideas of what people are like with disabilities.

[00:30:00] Tylia Flores: We can change the world and then we could change someone's perspective. That's like for St. Patrick's day, I went out to Margaritaville and there was this man. He was like the, the margarita bills manager for booking bands. And he had a bracelet. That focused on disability and inclusiveness. And he comes over to me.

[00:30:22] He sees me dancing and he hands it to me like here. And I'm like, this was so sweet of you. Like, thank you.

[00:30:29] Damaged Parents: Yeah. Yeah. So it just, it just takes one of us in our current, in our areas. If, if, and if it's not, what's it there's a sane, I think. Right. Isn't there a saying if not now, when, if not you who, and I think it goes on.

[00:30:45] Tylia Flores: Yeah. And I think it's just, I think the issue is with people with disabilities is they tend to isolate themselves because they're afraid of what people may say instead of just talking to the person. Like if I see somebody and they're staring at me while I'm at the mall or something, I just say hi,

[00:31:05] Damaged Parents: Yeah. Yeah. And I me I'll do the same thing, except I can tell you because in the winter time, my arms aren't as visible and I have to have braces on both my arms. So in the winter time, people don't give me those looks. And in the spring time, people start looking at me that way. And for a while. It's good.

[00:31:24] And then at some point I'm just like, okay, that's enough. But then I try to remember, they don't know.

[00:31:30] Tylia Flores: Yeah. One thing that kind of used to bother me is when people are like, can we pray for you? I'm like, no, you can't pray for me, but pray for more awareness. So I tend to flip it

[00:31:42] so that it's not me being rude, but it's about creating the proper dialogue.

[00:31:48] Damaged Parents: That's a great way to put it, to say, pray for awareness. Maybe pray for awareness and inclusivity. I'll have to work on that when I don't have a lot of people ask me anymore. Most I, but the problem is I don't enter. I don't meet a lot of new people. So.

[00:32:03] Tylia Flores: Yeah.

[00:32:04] totally. The most awkward moment was when I was eating a soup and this lady just, she just comes over to my table and she just started praying over my head. And I'm like, what are you doing? Like, I'm just trying to enjoy my Panera break. She's like, oh, I didn't want to be rude. Well, I'm like, well, you are being rude.

[00:32:25] Cause you asked me.

[00:32:26] Damaged Parents: Yeah.

[00:32:27] Tylia Flores: Prayed over my head And assume I, needed God's healing. And you know, there's just a proper way of dialogue to do it. And if people approach me and asked me what my stories, and then, then I'll sit down with them and I say, look, don't pray for me because there's people way worse than me, but just pray for a more inclusive world and moral awareness toward disabilities.

[00:32:52] Damaged Parents: Yeah. And I I think to that healing is not necessarily always physical. I

[00:32:58] Tylia Flores: Yeah.

[00:32:58] Damaged Parents: it's at least for me, with my hand it's, been more of the, the healing that happens. Was more insight and learning to be okay with who I am with, with a disability. If, if that makes sense, it wasn't, you know, so I think when I think there, perhaps there needs to be a new definition of the word healing and.

[00:33:22] It doesn't mean fixed in the way that we think it might mean. But I also think that with the amount of, of pharmaceutical advertisements, you know, the idea that everything can be fixed is, is a misnomer.

[00:33:38] Tylia Flores: Yeah, totally.

[00:33:39] Damaged Parents: Yeah.

[00:33:40] Tylia Flores: Like there's so many, there's so many hidden stigmas behind everything lately that it's just like, okay, we have to fight for this. We have to fight for that. Disability and inclusion, you have to fight for all the time. And it's like, why do we have to fight for this? They should already be a good, they should already be a given, but in society, it's just like, no, you have to fight for it.

[00:34:03] That's like for cerebral palsy awareness month. I participate in a zoom where with Congress and the cerebral palsy foundation to bring the awareness to more funding for those with cerebral palsy, because in the U S we don't have.

[00:34:19] funding for people with cerebral palsy. So for the past year and a half, I've been writing Senates

[00:34:25] in my state Rick Scott and sending Marco Rubio, which I finally got a response from yesterday morning, but it, the letters didn't address cerebral palsy research. Like they just skipped right over it.

[00:34:43] Damaged Parents: Hmm.

[00:34:43] Tylia Flores: I was like see this is the disconnect.

[00:34:46] Damaged Parents: Yeah. I think I'm not sure what I think on that. I think I know it's really hard to get the politician's attention

[00:34:55] Tylia Flores: It is.

[00:34:56] Damaged Parents: and, I think part of that is because a lot of people don't see the value and, you know, like when I see someone with cerebral palsy or someone like me with hands that don't work properly, Or any other disability that one of the first things that comes to my mind now is what do, what have they had to be creative in their life with?

[00:35:18] I wasn't that maybe an able-bodied person wouldn't be able to be creative with. Cause they, they're not going to think about it. So it's like, I see us as like these little inventors that like, we're this silent little inventing crowd over here that most people don't know about.

[00:35:34] Tylia Flores: Yeah. Like the mini I see us as minions trying to figure out what's next.

[00:35:40] Damaged Parents: Yeah. But we're super capable.

[00:35:42] Tylia Flores: Yeah, We're super capable. We're capable of doing anything. If we put our minds to it.

[00:35:48] Damaged Parents: Yeah, it's just recruiting that the right team, I think.

[00:35:51] Tylia Flores: Yup right. Team or right places to go. Like you said, in the beginning, everything has a village. Everything takes a village, so

[00:36:01] Damaged Parents: Yeah, it really does. It really does. Well, Tylia, and I got your name, right?

[00:36:08] Tylia Flores: yeah.

[00:36:09] Damaged Parents: So what would be the top three tools or tips for, either someone, well, I guess for anyone with a disability or without that you would say, if you're going through a struggle right now try this.

[00:36:20] Tylia Flores: Well, if you're going through a struggle right now and you haven't disability. To listen to music, because that helps me that reset to me. I'm a huge Blake Shelton fan and his music has always reset me. Try con, try connecting with others, going through the same struggles and try to find a creative way to express your emotions.

[00:36:42] Don't keep it all in.

[00:36:44] Damaged Parents: Yeah, for sure. Well, everybody, this was Tylia Flores. You can find her on Facebook. It stomping on CP with Tylia is there anything else before we close out the show that you would like the listeners to know Tylia

[00:36:58] Tylia Flores: Well, I just want to say something I see at the end of every interview, despite the obstacles and challenges you face, you have to keep on stomping and keep going.

[00:37:08] Damaged Parents: that's so true. Thank you so much, Tylia

[00:37:11] Tylia Flores: you're welcome.

[00:37:12] Damaged Parents: Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We've really enjoyed talking to Tylia about how she sees the struggle of adulting with CP. We especially liked when she spoke about advocating for others on a regular basis and writing books so that others don't feel alone to unite with other damaged people connect with us on Instagram. Look for damaged parents will be here next week. Still relatively damaged. See you.