S2E64: Diane Konkin - Finding Your Inner Strength

Diane Konkin is the Founder and Director of Advanced Mind Health, a Rapid Transformational Therapy™️ practice specializing in intrusive emotions and substance use as well as boosting confidence and performance mindset. She has been 99% successful in helping high-profile clients eliminate their self-sabotaging habits and thought patterns in only 1-3 sessions. RTT™ is a leading-edge, advanced method of psychotherapy based on the latest research in neuroscience and is quickly gaining global recognition as one of the most effective treatments available.

Social media and contact information:

Website: https://advancedmindhealth.ca

Instagram: @advancedmindhealth @boothkondi

Diane Konkin - Podcast Transcript

[00:00:00] Damaged Parents: Welcome back to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents where addicted, emotionally intrusive thinking sweet people come to learn. Maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged. Someone once told me it's safe to assume 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way. I would venture to say it's closer to 100%. Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about.

[00:00:37] . In my ongoing investigation of the damaged self. I want to better understand how others view their own challenges. Maybe it's not so much about the damage. Maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it. There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience?

[00:00:58] My hero is you the one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side, whole. You who stares directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover your purpose. You are the people who inspire me to be more fully Not in spite of my trials, but because of

[00:01:21] Let's hear from another hero.

[00:01:24] Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advice. The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them. Today, we're going to talk with Diane Konkin

[00:01:42] we'll talk about how her husband passed away. And years later, she found herself grieving and how she found health and healing. Let's talk

[00:01:51] Welcome back to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. Today, we have Diane Konkin with us. She is the founder and director of advanced mind health, a rapid transformational therapy practice, specializing in intrusive emotions and substance use as well as boosting confidence and

[00:02:10] performance mindset. She has been 99% successful in helping high profile clients eliminate their self-sabotaging habits and thought patterns. And only one to three sessions. RTT is a leading edge advanced method of psychotherapy. Based on the latest research in neuroscience and is quickly gaining global recognition as one of the most effective treatments available, you can find Diane on her website at https://advancedmindhealth.ca

[00:02:44] she's also on Instagram with the tag @advancedmindhealth and. . Oh, hold on. I'm going to get this one. It's boot, H and then Condi. And I'll spell that out for you. The other tag is the at symbol, of course, B as in boy, O O T as in Tom H as in Henry, K as in kite, O as in. One or Obi wan Kenobi.

[00:03:11] We'll just put it that way. N as in Nancy, D as in dog, and then I, as in Ichabod welcome to the show, and I'm so glad I saw you laughing on the other side of the screen.

[00:03:22] Diane Konkin: Thank you so much, Angela. No, it's a pleasure to be here. I love what you're doing with this podcast. I think it's really important and I'm happy to be a part of it.

[00:03:31] Damaged Parents: Oh, thank you so much. Yes. I mean, It's so interesting that the longer I do this podcast, the more I recognize that we all have struggle all of us there's no. Yeah. There's like no way around it. The interesting thing is the different path that each person takes, like, you're here to talk about a long-term marriage to an alcoholic.

[00:03:56] Diane Konkin: Yes.

[00:03:57] Damaged Parents: And some people may have left them. And for you, it was the part of the journey was staying. Which so that's, what's fascinating to me is that there seems to be no right answer.

[00:04:08] Diane Konkin: No, absolutely not. It's it's all an individual choice. It's all based on individual circumstances. It's all based on how. Strong we feel we are and how strong many of us discover we are. It's all to do with, you know, whether we have children or not, or if we're close to the family or there's so many factors in how we proceed and what our options are and how we find those options.

[00:04:39] So yes, No. right or wrong answer, but we're going to talk about , some things that people can take away today. So

[00:04:46] Damaged Parents: No. Yes, absolutely. Of course it wouldn't be the podcast without some tips and tools,

[00:04:53] Diane Konkin: for

[00:04:53] Damaged Parents: but so if you could start us maybe , in the struggle, how you found yourself in this struggle. And then, just lead us down that path and I'll ask questions.

[00:05:05] Diane Konkin: Sure. Okay. I'll try to keep this short cause it's the story covers over 15 years or more. But I was married to my husband for around seven years. He was a professional in education. He was involved in his union as a leader. He was also working at a university as a seminar leader. He was one of those high functioning, high achiever, a type personality.

[00:05:32] , and we had a great life. We just enjoyed each other's company. We were deeply in love. We had lots of fun together and we each had our own careers and we came together and it was great. And one night he. He just cracked because of it. He walked in the door and something happened where his university professor had brought his attention to one of the papers that he mis-marked for one of the hundreds of students.

[00:06:02] But he had, and this was, this was all in the evenings. On top of a full-time teaching job in the day, and something got to him where it was like, you know, you strive for perfection, strive for approval, strive to be your best. And then that one comment just seemed to break him and he broke down crying and It was quite an episode and he basically was just rolling on the ground and seeing what is happening to me, what is happening to me. And at the time I had no idea how to deal with it. This was in the nineties. I had no mental health training whatsoever. I mean, all I could do was just be supportive. as I was as a person. Right.

[00:06:48] And I just said to him, it's okay. It's okay, you're tired. We'll get through this. And So the next day he called this doctor and he's the doctor scheduled him for a psychiatrist appointment. And we had to drive out of town about an hour because at the time there was no real mental health support in the area that we live in.

[00:07:09] you know, He was, he got, got put on some antidepressants and sent home and that was about it. Well, he kind of returned to normal life, but, we found that over the years, like he was still struggling. He tried different medications, different combinations as anybody that's been on.

[00:07:26] Depressants, maybe can attest to that. They say you have to find the right dosage and the right medication and the right. all the, while it was getting worse. And he was still kept seeing these psychiatrists and getting medication and going to counseling when it was available, which wasn't that often, I mean, he felt fine, but then he started drinking much heavier.

[00:07:54] I mean, he was always, you know, an after work have a cocktail kind of guy, but yeah, he really he's admitted. Eventually was. the only thing that took the pain away. The emotional pain got worse. The drinking got worse and he developed alcoholism and I could tell he needed help as most spouses do. And most family members do because we can see at first, cause we're looking from the outside.

[00:08:22] Right. And as an alcoholic, I've since learned that it's their brain shifting, it's a neurological condition and their brain shifts to protect that addiction. This is why they hurt people in their way. And they don't care while they're doing it. Yes. The next day that's when the guilt and the shame and the remorse sets in and they beat themselves up, they feel so badly about themselves.

[00:08:52] And so worthless and unlovable that the only thing, again, that can cure that or help that is the alcohol. And my husband was a very. Brilliant and articulate man. And he just spoke at length about exactly what he was feeling. And I was fascinated, and he said that alcohol is my problem and my solution.

[00:09:17] And I'll never forget that, but he also talked about, as a child growing up the shame that he was, made to feel, the worthlessness, the neglect or the not necessarily severe neglect. But, you know, when you have two working parents or a working father and a mother that's, depressed and a father that was an alcoholic.

[00:09:42] And , this is why I say that alcoholism is not genetic, but it is generational. We'll make but sort of confuse the two are like, well, but it's his father had it and his grandfather had it. It's like, yeah. But look at, just look at the home that those children grew up in. They felt the stress, they felt the chaos, they felt the imbalance.

[00:10:05] Right. And that's what a child absorbs and that's what leads. To that emotional pain that they need to suppress much later in life. So that was my struggle. He was in and out of rehab. It was very scary many times because I actually belong to a Facebook group. And if anybody is dealing with a family member, That is that does abuse substances.

[00:10:31] There's a Facebook group called Spouses of High Functioning Alcoholics. And I go in there to try to give my opinion of what's happening, what I've learned. That's, what's happening to sort of make people see and understand and educate them because when you educate yourself about what's happening, you understand it so much more clearly.

[00:10:54] And then. You're able to take the emotion out of it at least a little bit when you understand what's going on, right?

[00:11:02] Damaged Parents: right when he was. For lack of, I don't know what else to say, kind of falling into this alcoholism and things like that when he was there, what was it like for you? I mean, you are watching this happening and you said you had, you hadn't had any background at that point in psychology or anything like that.

[00:11:22] What, what happened? What did you do?

[00:11:25] Diane Konkin: Well, I was really afraid many days as when it was just depression or actually when it got into the alcoholism, like I said, it got worse. , he functioned perfectly. He never missed a day of work. He never drank before he went to work or out lunch. It was always something, Like most high functioning alcoholics can hide really, really well.

[00:11:48] And it wasn't until we started going to events or he was, he was also a musician. So if he had to travel to do concerts or things like that, when it was really noticeable, because he was one of those guys that was ugly. When he was drunk and that's when he would treat me the worst, because I think I was the reminder that, he loved me and he had responsibilities toward me and he felt guilty for letting me down.

[00:12:17] And so. he turned that into anger and pushed me away. . You know, But he always, when he came out of that, he always always said, I don't want to drink. I do need help. This is something that's taking over my life and I don't like it. So he went to get. Went to a day program, a rehab, a day program. And he came home and he was like a kid.

[00:12:39] He was so excited. He'd bring home these worksheets with emotions, right. Because they were teaching them about how to identify how they felt and how to identify what was impacting them and how to express themselves. And it's like something that he had never. Thought of before or never was taught. Right.

[00:12:58] And he was in his forties at this point. And so it worked really well. He was able to abstain. However, I mean, now I understand it more because I am an addictions and intrusive emotions therapists, but. If you don't deal with it on a deeper level, then it will come back because those kinds of diseases or illnesses or unwellness is the anxiety, the depression, the the substance use.

[00:13:28] That is all buried in your subconscious mind. And our subconscious mind is 95% of our influence or story influences our behaviors and our decisions and our actions. So you can try not to drink. But it always comes back. This urge out of nowhere, this hunger, it's the same reason why willpower doesn't work.

[00:13:52] Right? Because we change our habit of action without changing our habit of thought. So I hope I answered your question.

[00:14:01] Damaged Parents: think so. My next question is that while someone with alcoholism, a lot of times we can see that on the outside. But what you're explaining or what I'm hearing I think is, Like with, what's happening is very much inside that it could also be food or it could also be controlling other people, or it could be, the codependency, things like that.

[00:14:25] And you're nodding. Yes.

[00:14:27] Diane Konkin: Yes, absolutely. Yes. absolutely. I mean, addictive behaviors come out in many ways. It can come out in food addictions or shopping or gambling or. Drinking, using drugs a number of things, you know, and there's some things like shopping that are socially acceptable. And then there's some things that are like drinking that are not or drinking to a degree.

[00:14:50] Yes. And then when you get into drug use, that is not acceptable. And then we end up imprisoning those people instead of helping them. Oh, I'm involved in a an organization right now called compassion prison project, which is bringing awareness to inmates about their trauma that they experienced to explain to them that they are not bad people.

[00:15:14] They only experienced bad things. Which lives in their subconscious mind, because that's how your mind is formed from experiences in your past and the meaning that you attached to those experiences.

[00:15:27] Damaged Parents: Well, I think isn't that interesting too, because how many times as someone I loved said something and you know, it's a knee jerk reaction is I did not. And then I really think about it and it's like, oh, I did. Oh, I did do that. A long time ago, I would not have been able to take that look inside and go, oh yeah.

[00:15:47] Okay. I could see how you would feel that way. I can see, I think I can see now why some people would end up in jail. could be that much, and they don't even know what they're doing.

[00:15:58] Diane Konkin: Well, absolutely. exactly. It gets buried. and I mean, it's the same reason why people have anxiety, right? If you worry enough and you have enough stress and you are constantly thinking the worst, it's your mind going into a state? to protect you because it's your mind thinks you need to be in that fight or flight mode all the time.

[00:16:24] And when you worry enough and create that stress in your thoughts and that loops and loops right, and gets worse, then your body ends up having a panic attack without. You This is where it all comes from. It's because your body is the manifestation of your subconscious mind, your mind controls your body, your mind controls your breathing without thinking about it.

[00:16:49] You're driving without thinking about it, right? Like doing any motor skill. Exactly. And so you're

[00:16:56] Damaged Parents: I was going to say, even if I'm interrupting totally.

[00:16:59] Diane Konkin: that's okay. No, I'm happy to.

[00:17:01] Damaged Parents: I was thinking about how having chronic pain, myself going into panic or, a severe anxiety or waking up in that panic state, how I learned to get on the bike. And now that makes more sense why that worked based on what you just said.

[00:17:17] Diane Konkin: Exactly. Yeah.

[00:17:18] Damaged Parents: we have to bring the body. So it's like maybe in some ways, was that getting the mind to where the body was?

[00:17:24] Diane Konkin: Exactly. I mean, everything comes down the way we feel about everything comes down to two things. And this is my training with Marisa peer, right? This is, she was the one that developed the rapid transformational therapy that I'm trained in. And she personally trained me and, you know, the way her language that she says.

[00:17:45] The way that you think or feel about anything comes down to two things. The words you say to yourself and the pictures you make in your head, and there's this phenomenon called looping thoughts. So let's say you, it starts with a thought that you're not good enough. You don't believe you can really do very much in life.

[00:18:07] And that, builds up a procrastination block in. Because there's that belief, right? So you've got the thought which leads to a belief, which I'm not good enough and there's no way I could do this. And which goes into your actions. Of doing nothing because you procrastinate because there's a fear of rejection.

[00:18:32] You start to believe that if you try something you're going to fail and you're going to be rejected. And so you do nothing. And that action of doing nothing just reinforces the. But you're not good enough that you're not good enough to move forward. And then it just loops from thought belief, action, thought belief, action, and feeling right.

[00:18:56] So the only way that you can break out of that is tell yourself, Marissa just, has, has a book that just came out called Tell Yourself a Better Lie that's exactly what it is, because she used to say, she said, if you don't think you're that great looking look in the mirror and just say to yourself, hello, gorgeous.

[00:19:17] Oh my God, you are stunningly beautiful. And you know what women can't do that. It's so hard. I mean, unless you're some kind of tick-tock influencer who says that on a daily basis, but. It's important to do because self-love, and self-care is where it starts. And that's what breaks the looping thought.

[00:19:39] Because when you tell yourself something like that, even though you may not believe it, it's probably closer to the truth than what you were telling yourself.

[00:19:49] And not only that is, if you repeat it enough and believe it, you start to see it. You start to see the beauty that you actually have. You start to uncover the talents and the skills that you really do possess,

[00:20:04] Damaged Parents: Now I have a question. Did you do the hello? Gorgeous to yourself

[00:20:08] Diane Konkin: Absolutely in my training. Absolutely. and it felt so foreign. it.

[00:20:16] felt so strange, but that's the first step in learning how to love yourself, like with my clients, I say, okay, tell me on a scale of one to 10, how much do you love yourself? And usually it's around a three or a four. And it's like, okay.

[00:20:32] And you're coming to me with the low confidence or low self-esteem issue. Right. Well, let's start with one and the other will follow. Right. And I'll explain my method in a little bit, but yeah, that self-talk is so important because your thoughts create your beliefs and feelings, which create your actions, which create your lie.

[00:20:57] Damaged Parents: Now do you have to be quiet enough to recognize or hear that? I would think to recognize, or even here as a thoughts? Cause I mean, life gets so busy. So how do we even know we're doing it?

[00:21:11] Diane Konkin: Well, you feel it because it's the way you feel, right? If you feel like anxious in your body or low energy or low fatigue or. Just that sadness coming upon you then think about what you're telling yourself. And all you need to do is start with your thoughts. Like the brain, for example, the brain doesn't know the difference between nervous and excited.

[00:21:37] Right? So when I first started doing media interviews, I mean the first few, I was a little bit nervous. I was kind of had butterflies and I told myself just before I went on air, that I was so excited about this interview. I couldn't wait to do it. It was going to be so much fun. And do you know right away, it was so strange that the mind shift that happens just in those words that you say to yourself, your body feels different, your energy feels different and you look forward to something rather than resisting it because you have to tell your mind that no, you are safe.

[00:22:20] Right. Your mind doesn't care, whether you're happy or sad or in a, if something is good for you or bad for you. The number one rule of the mind is that it keeps you alive. The number one job of the mind is to keep you alive and keep you surviving. Right. And if it has to do that, but. Increasing your cravings for alcohol to quash your pain so that you will feel like you won't take your own life or feel like you were still connected to the tribe.

[00:22:57] And it will do that, right. Or if it has to do that by giving you anxiety so that you will be aware of your surroundings in case you're unsafe. It will do that. So when you tell your mind I'm safe, this is why affirmations are so important, right? I mean, it's, it's not woo it's science. There was a study done that

[00:23:22] Really proved that the way we praise ourselves matters much more than the way other people praise us. At the end of the day, say to yourself, you did a great job. Right. Like you handled this day really well. You've got stuff accomplished. Or if you didn't get stuff accomplished, you took the time to rest and care for yourself and recharge so that tomorrow you can tackle what you want. You're strong, you can get through anything.

[00:23:53] And those words you tell yourself are amazing. Even when I'm working out. I've got like five more reps to do. And I think I'm going to die. I just tell myself, right. 10 strong, 11 I'm so strong, 12 strong. And even those words, it gives you this boost of energy that I don't know where it comes from. So the self-talk is extremely important.

[00:24:18] Damaged Parents: Even in what you're talking about, it reminds me of. The scientist. I cannot remember his name that did the experiment with water, so with the negative feelings and the loving regulating feelings and how it, like it was really the water that. Spoken badly to, it was out of balance.

[00:24:37] And then for it, I mean, for instance, there's more to it. And then the ones that, that were spoken nicely to they were in balance they looked good. it was very intriguing.

[00:24:49] Diane Konkin: Absolutely.

[00:24:50] Damaged Parents: I'm thinking, you're saying the same thing. It matters how we talk to ourselves.

[00:24:55] Diane Konkin: Absolutely. And when we love ourselves and respect ourselves, and that's what brings strength, right? That's where We get the strength to stand up for ourselves to speak up, to be without a fear of rejection to state what we want to state what's on our mind to to tackle anything that we want to tackle.

[00:25:20] Like, I mean, for personally, I hate learning new tech. And I don't even like to say I hate it because then my mind will be like, okay, we're going to resist you with that. Okay. I mean, I love learning tech. I love learning decks, but there, there was a new program that I had to learn that I was kind of procrastinating on.

[00:25:37] And one day I was like, okay, you're just going to do it. And I thought this is going to be so simple. I think it's Dr. Joe Dispenza who. I just idolize him. He's he said, tell yourself, it's simple, it's easy and it's fun. And it's so much more enjoyable and you get through it much quicker and you're able to overcome that task and get through it because you're telling yourself you can.

[00:26:02] And I did, and it was done in like 10 minutes. I was like, oh, thank God. What was I worried about? Right. So I it's, I know it's.

[00:26:10] Damaged Parents: up with fear, right?

[00:26:12] Diane Konkin: Absolutely. We set ourselves up with, oh my God, I'm not going to be able to do this. I'm not smart enough. I'm not good enough to do this. There's no way it's going to be so difficult.

[00:26:24] There was also a study done where they took two groups. Of adults and gave them, put them in separate rooms, gave them some problems and some equations and some puzzles to solve. And one group, they told them this is going to be so difficult. So you might need lots of time with this hope you have your afternoon cleared because you know, you have to work as a team.

[00:26:45] There's some really difficult things in here and good luck. And the other group, they said, while you're doing it. Tell yourself. This is Simple This is easy This is fun. Pretend you guys are the smartest people in the world. and guess who was done first and with ease.

[00:27:02] Damaged Parents: Simple easy and fun.

[00:27:04] Diane Konkin: Absolutely. So it's all in what you tell yourself.

[00:27:08] And I'm so happy to share as many with as many people as I can about this, because I use it in my daily life. I wish I had it when I was struggling with my husband. I wish the reason I started doing this therapy was because going through the counseling in that struggle with him, I learned so much about addiction and mental health and.

[00:27:30] I thought, when I came through it and the counselors were so amazing, I said to myself, I have to help people someday. I don't know how, I don't know where or when, but some how I'm going to help people, whether it's volunteering at the women's shelter or I don't know what I'm going to do, but which I do do, but, I just knew I had bigger plans that I wanted to help alcoholics and their families.

[00:27:55] And that's how I found Rapid Transformational Therapy.

[00:27:59] Damaged Parents: okay. Now tell us a little bit about the RTT or rapid transformational therapy.

[00:28:04] Diane Konkin: for sure. Well, this is like I said, developed by Marisa Peer Marisa Peer is considered one of the world's best therapists. She is based in the UK and she's been a therapist for over 30 years and she, at some point along in her career started to incorporate medical hypnosis. Into her practice. And she noticed that her clients were getting better and making amazing discoveries and she was able to help them much, much faster.

[00:28:34] So she really developed this method. She built these brand new tools that no other psychotherapist, unless they are trained in this method have access to. And it's just brilliant because. It's essentially psychotherapy that uses medical hypnosis in the practice. So imagine for those of you that have been in a therapy.

[00:28:58] session and many of us have, you know, we sit there uncomfortably watching the person's scribble on there.

[00:29:04] Clipboard and we like focus on everything else around the room, except our own thoughts. We try to avoid what we're thinking. We answered them the way they think they, we should answer and

[00:29:18] Damaged Parents: That's the way we think they think we should

[00:29:20] Diane Konkin: exactly. And try not to sound too crazy and maybe not tell them about that breakdown you had last night and it's just, sometimes it can be uncomfortable.

[00:29:30] Or even if it is and nothing against talk therapy, because that really helps a lot of people and it does relieve symptoms. However many people find that those symptoms come back when they stop therapy. So this method, I have no repeat clients. Clients come to see me. I've had 99% success. I get to know them.

[00:29:51] I give them an intake form. I get their history in detail. Um, We do a little mini consultation in case I have any questions. And then we book a session and the two hour session is really what does a deep dive to the core root of your problem, right? To the root cause of why you're having this issue that you're coming to me with.

[00:30:15] And then when we have this. Right then we can start looking at, pulling it apart and seeing what beliefs were formed by your mind, what your minds operating system was causing you to do and think and behave and why it was compelling you to be this way. Like many of my clients say I have this blog. Right.

[00:30:40] We've all said, I have this block. I know I want to do this, but I can't because there's this thing preventing me. So I'm the thing remover we get in there. We figure out what the thing is, what the causes, and then we start to, pull it apart and unravel it and reframe it because. Like I said, your mind will only do exactly what it thinks you wanted to do.

[00:31:06] And in a state of hypnosis, which is essentially just closing your eyes and being relaxed, it's like a guided meditation, because all that means is that you are focused internally on your thoughts and not really paying attention to what's happening around you. it's a state we're in every day.

[00:31:25] It's, it's why we miss the exit on the highway. Or if we're engaged in a movie, we don't hear somebody come into the room. That's all it is. So I take my clients into a state of relaxation for the first few minutes, and then we start having a conversation. So it's a two hour. Conversation where I use tools.

[00:31:46] I use language, I ask questions. I repeat back what the client said. And we look at that. We look at why, and we look at, do we need to believe that anymore? Is that really true? And by the end of the session, they come out of it just. Usually my clients say, oh wow, that's usually the first words I hear out of their mouth.

[00:32:06] They say they feel lighter and freer now that they finally figured it out and they love the discoveries that they make and the connections they make to what they experienced and how it led to what is happening in their life today.

[00:32:23] For many years, we can cope and adjust and but then eventually it gets worse if we don't deal with it.

[00:32:31] Right. So this is where I come in. So the session really does the work. And then I leave the client with a 10 to 15 minute audio recording that they listen to every day. And that recording. Make sure they stay that way because you are creating those new neural pathways in your brain. You're essentially rewiring your brain to have the thought processes that you want to.

[00:32:56] So now your conscious mind and your desires are aligned with your subconscious mind, so that to support each other rather than are at odds with each.

[00:33:08] Damaged Parents: And so when, when an alcoholic comes to you to what they need to know, I just use that as an example, would they need to know at that point that that was what they wanted to get rid of. Like they would have to see that they're having trouble with alcohol

[00:33:25] Diane Konkin: Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. When my clients come to me, they're in, a real readiness for change. If somebody came to me and said, I want you to help me because my wife says I should be here. Or my husband says I should be here. And then I would say, do you want to stop drinking? And if they said no, then I wouldn't accept them as a client.

[00:33:47] They have to want it right now. I'm working with a client now who's been a binge drinker for 25 years and he really wanted it. But then when I said to him on the intake form on a scale of one to 10, how committed are you to resolving this? He put eight plus plus. Because he didn't believe in himself. And I said, you know what?

[00:34:11] I do need you to believe in yourself, but I also need you to believe in this method because it's worked many times over. And so why should you be different? Right. It's all about your mindset. So when I explained what was going on in his mind, he was like, well, I definitely want to stop drinking 10 out of 1,000 out of 10.

[00:34:35] So I said, that's, what's important. Right? And he's been having really great success. So I'm going to be working with them for about another month, I think, because with that kind of issue where. Been going on for so long, I recommend three sessions, two or three sessions.

[00:34:54] With something like confidence. For sure. When in session fear of public speaking, I had a client who came to me who was an international communications expert and she had a hard, she had a huge fear of speaking on stage herself. And she's like, I've tried everything. I've tried hypnotherapy. I'm like, yeah, but this is not hypnotherapy.

[00:35:15] This is Rapid Transformational Therapy. It's an advanced form of hypnotherapy. And I S and she's tried tapping EMDR, which gave her some relief, but. Within our session. Plus the three weeks of listening to the recording, she solved her issue. She got up on stage. She wasn't anxious about it. She was calm in front of an audience before she had anxiety leading up to it.

[00:35:41] Huge anxiety during the event. And then even anxiety days after rethinking and recreating the whole event in her mind. How did I do, are people gonna like, shame me for it now? Are people still gonna talk to me? Did I do badly? Did I do well? I don't remember any of it right. So it depends on the client. I sort of tailor every package to the client, but one to three sessions maximum, I've never had more than three before I've had great success with my clients.

[00:36:11] Damaged Parents: That's awesome. Okay. We are at the end of our time. And so what would be the top tools or tips that you would let someone, or you would say, maybe try this, knowing that you guys, before we started the actual recording, Diana and I were talking, and she said, when I was in the situation, I'm paraphrasing.

[00:36:33] When I was in this situation, there were tools. That I would have recommended, but now that I'm here, it would be different. And I said, let's make sure we bring that up at the end. You know, Talk about that.

[00:36:44] Diane Konkin: Well, I mean, not altogether different, but maybe as there are some added ones now, like when I was in the situation with my husband, definitely the saving grace for me was Alan on meetings. And I can't stress this enough and I say it. Sound like a broken record in my Facebook group saying to these women just go to an Alanon meeting because you didn't cause this and you can't control it.

[00:37:11] And when we, as spouses try to control it, when we pour the booze down the drain or. Yeah, well or, okay, fine. I'm sleeping on the couch or get angry or, create circumstances and it doesn't help. It literally changes us. And so when you understand that you didn't cause it, even though many times they say you did your, the reason I drank, right.

[00:37:38] And then that hurts because a symptom of the alcoholic is emotional outbursts. They don't mean what they say, but we don't know that. Right. It's like, I used to tell my husband because he would feel so bad and I'd say, look, It's like when you have a cold, don't feel bad because your nose is running, you just happened to have an illness that the symptoms are raging and being really mean sometimes.

[00:38:09] Right. When the spouse understands that, and you learn that in Alanon, you learn all about what's going on and it's a super supportive environment. So that would be the first tool I would use and also educate yourself. Like I said, understanding is power. And when you start reading about alcoholism, when you start finding out exactly what's going on in this illness, in the brain, research, Dr.

[00:38:39] who is a Canadian doctor, he's a family physician, but he's blowing up right now because you worked with a lot of addicts on the streets in Vancouver and. He's doing lots of speaking and book writing, and he's just a wealth of phenomenal knowledge. So educate yourself go do some addiction, counseling yourself, right.

[00:39:01] Go to an addiction center and they have family nights so that you learn about it. But the one that I spoke extensively about that I use now even more with any situation is the self-talk. Right. When you tell yourself, and especially if you are dealing with

[00:39:22] someone who is a narcissist or an abuser or well, physical, I would recommend removing yourself obviously, but if you're dealing with somebody who is an alcoholic or who has a mental instability or an emotion is emotionally unwell, and you can tell yourself, this is not the person that I know.

[00:39:42] This is not the person I married, or this is not the person that is my family member. Something is happening to them. That's causing a shift in their brain and, and their emotions, or maybe how they're talking to themselves.

[00:39:59] And that's what's causing this. This is not really who they are. So it's just reminding yourself of that and also keeping your self value in yourself, strength up because that's really important.

[00:40:15] Damaged Parents: Oh, that's so beautiful, everyone. This is Diane Konkin on the show today, you can find her at https://advancedmindhealth.ca she's on Instagram at advanced Mind Health, and you can find her at booth Connie on Instagram. I finally saw the word.

[00:40:34] Diane Konkin: That's my personal one, but it's, that's my personal Instagram Booth Condi. Cause for years I was a stage manager for a large repertory theater company. I still am. so that's sort of like the booth part of it, but but yeah, it's public. So I'm happy to have people follow me on both accounts or message me or, and just let me say Angela too, because I usually do those.

[00:40:57] Casts that anyone listening today, I'm happy to offer a $200 discount. If you would like to have a session with me. And I do offer a free consultation that you can book easily on my website. And even if you just want to say hi, I'd love to talk to you and see what's going up, or what's your challenge are going on with you and see what your challenges so that it can help you with.

[00:41:19] Damaged Parents: That's so beautiful. So what the listeners just need to put in the podcast. I heard you on relatively damaged or is there something else they would

[00:41:26] Diane Konkin: Absolutely. No. As long as they mentioned this podcast, I'm happy to give them the discount

[00:41:31] Damaged Parents: Oh, that's what a great gift you guys. We're so lucky to have Diana as a guest today. Thank you again. It's been such a beautiful conversation.

[00:41:40] Diane Konkin: and thank you for the platform, Angela. And thank you for doing your beautiful work. I applaud you.

[00:41:45] Damaged Parents: Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We really enjoy talking to Diane about how she learned to help people by using rapid transformation therapy. We especially liked when she spoke with an abundance of love for her husband and his struggle with alcohol.

[00:42:04] To unite with other damaged people connect. With us on YouTube. Look for damaged parents. We'll be here next week. Still relatively damaged. See you then.