S2E60 - Mike Forrester - How Men Overcome Fear
It was a journey over about 15 years as Mike knew there was a problem but was afraid to share his emotions and thoughts during the initial years of healing. As he began to heal more he opened up more and the healing gained traction, yet it was still a struggle to release his past beliefs and behaviors.
His biggest struggle was with fear, anxiety and depression - the things which lead to him almost destroying his marriage & relationship with his children. Choosing a new set of beliefs than what his parents told him (you're a mistake, you're not wanted & you won't amount to anything were a sample of the things they said) mixed with having dyslexia, undiagnosed until he was 40 years old, and ADHD contributed to his low self-image and self-worth. Now he helps other men transform into the people they want to be!
Social media and contact information:
https://www.instagram.com/hicoachmike
https://www.facebook.com/hicoachmike
https://www.tiktok.com/@hicoachmike
Podcast Transcript
[00:00:00] Damaged Parents: Welcome back to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents where devalued fearful, . Insightful people come to learn, maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged. Someone once told me it's safe to assume 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way.
[00:00:19] I would venture to say it's closer to 100%. Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than. Like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about. In my ongoing investigation of the damaged self, I want to better understand how others view their own challenges.
[00:00:44] Maybe it's not so much about the damage, maybe it's about our perception and how we deal There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience? My hero is you. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side, whole.
[00:01:08] You who stares directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover your purpose. You are the people who inspire me to be more fully me. Not in spite of my trials, but because of them, let's hear from another hero. Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advice.
[00:01:35] The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them. Today, we're going to talk with Mike Forrester. He has many roles in his life. Son, husband, father, transformational, coach, and more. We'll talk about how some of his biggest struggles were related to fear and how he found health and healing.
[00:01:58] Let's talk.
[00:01:59] Welcome back to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. Today, we have Mike Forrester with us and he is a transformational coach, helping men overcome fear, anxiety, and depression. He tells me his biggest struggle. It was with fear, anxiety, and depression, and the things that led him to almost destroying his marriage and relationships with his children.
[00:02:19] So we're gonna be talking about these struggles today. You can find Mike https://hicoachmike.com and he also has a podcast Living Fearless Today podcast. So welcome to the show, Mike, we were just talking. Five year old steaks let's clue in the listeners here.
[00:02:38] Mike Forrester: absolutely. Well first thank you for inviting me to join you.
[00:02:41] Big pleasure. You're welcome. Absolutely honored. So what we were talking about is, you know, the stuff, our perspectives, right? Our beliefs. So you've recently had Cassie on a dietician that helps us with our emotional eating right. To gain that perspective and that realization, well, something that I went through and I wasn't aware of it until I began healing , you know, went through layers of healing and it, then I got the clarity to be able to see this.
[00:03:10] If I invited you over for dinner, Angela, and I said, Hey, we're gonna have steak. It's been in the freezer for five years. How appealing is that
[00:03:21] Damaged Parents: I, and I laughed and I said, well, I don't know. I might be excited because, right. Because I don't get, I don't buy a steak a lot. So maybe, I won't know the difference between a good steak and a frozen steak.
[00:03:34] Mike Forrester: I will tell you, you would Angeles. It, it would not be flavorful. It's not a dry age steak. You know, you go to a nice restaurant. They've taken all this care and put all this love into a dry age, steak, totally different. This was freezer burn, all that kind of. Funky stuff. Yeah. And see my
[00:03:55] Damaged Parents: lack of knowledge right there.
[00:03:56] I don't know the difference. Right. My perception. from where I stand not being foodie, I don't know if that's what it's called, but I think that is I don't even know. I have a problem at this point. Right. So I'm coming over. To your house. And I don't know, there's gonna be a problem with this steak until maybe I start eating it.
[00:04:15] And it's like, rubber is what I'm feeling like the face you're and the looks you're giving me, I'm gonna have problems chewing
[00:04:21] Mike Forrester: well, and what you just talked about, not being aware of there being problems, how true does that hold to our parenting and we as children inheriting all that stuff. And then we continue on and don't realize what we've picked up.
[00:04:34] going back to the steak so I came from a home that was mentally, physically and emotionally abusive, right? So I had childhood trauma. My parents did the best that they could, you know, they're hurt. They're doing the best. They can. My mother, as a way to control things, which gave her confidence, you know, that security in life.
[00:04:56] Would take a chain with a lock and padlock the fridge. So you could not get food out of the fridge.
[00:05:04] Damaged Parents: So literally a chain
[00:05:06] Mike Forrester: yes.
[00:05:06] Damaged Parents: On the cause I remember like my mom would lock the freezer, the outside freezer with the other food.
[00:05:14] Mike Forrester: Yeah. No
[00:05:15] Damaged Parents: which came from a safety thing. Well, not safety. Uh, well maybe it was safety, but you know, we were, she was a single mom with four of us at home.
[00:05:24] Mike Forrester: Right.
[00:05:25] Damaged Parents: And I think she was worried about making sure the food lasted.
[00:05:28] Mike Forrester: Yeah. and that was, I think at the core of one of my mom's concerns. Now, what you talk about being able to lock your freezer. That is absolutely a safety feature and. Very wise to have. What I'm talking about is like a fridge and freezer combination where you have the handles.
[00:05:47] She literally took a, chain and put it around and would lock the handles and then put a padlock on it. So you could not get in there. And her thing was controlling access to stuff. Mm-hmm now fast forward to when I'm a parent, I. I have this belief that there's never enough food. So I'm looking for the comfort and the security of having food.
[00:06:11] And so I would stockpile food. You know, like steaks pork, you know, whatever kind of frozen things that I could get my hands on. I would put them inside of the freezer. And that gave me a sense of security. I knew there was food. Now there's a disconnect in there because that food that's been in there for five years is rotten.
[00:06:35] I mean, not rotten in like a peach goes bad, but it's got freezer burn. It's not edible. It did not cross my mind that, Hey, you're wanting to store, you know, edible food. And so you need to rotate through, instead it was hoard, hoard, hoard, and make sure that there was an abundance of food because I didn't want to have that lack or that lack of access.
[00:07:00] Like it is a child and I,
[00:07:02] Damaged Parents: right.
[00:07:03] Mike Forrester: There's so many times where it's like that kind of experience as a. Will then cause us to make decisions as adults. And I swore that I would never do that to my kids, like locking the fridge. I didn't, but I didn't give them access to edible food. it was still locked away.
[00:07:23] By like, dad's word of, Hey, we need to make sure we have this, but it wasn't locked, physically locked.
[00:07:30] Damaged Parents: And so, okay. So the physical lock that mom had turned into, um, verbal lock. Yes. You can't eat that food because we need to make sure we have enough. Yeah. So at what point did your perception change? I mean, it sounds like.
[00:07:48] That perception of fear. I'm not going to have enough and maybe some anxiety about whether or not the food is gonna be there that not only had you taken that on as your own, but now you're recognize when did you, I guess this is my question. When did you recognize that you were passing it on to the kids or that you were even using it?
[00:08:07] Mike Forrester: so understand, I came from. You know, a mom and a dad, like we talked about, they were hurt right? So you're a mistake. We didn't want you, you're not gonna amount. Those kind of verbal things. And I swear, I would never be like my parents, big surprise. I became exactly like my parents.
[00:08:26] I mean, how many of us walked that same path? I swear, I'll never do this. And yet we end up in the same place doing it may be slightly different, but we're the same parent that our parents taught us that they. Mm-hmm and so it didn't come. Until years after I had started healing myself, because previous to that, I'm looking at a relationship with my wife.
[00:08:50] Our marriage is on the rocks. We're ready to divorce. Well, I'm ready to divorce. She's like no way. And I'm like, I'm done because I'm, very much at that time. I was Eeyore saying I'm a victim, but I was also a cross with the Hulk because I, grew up in a home with rage. And so anger was how I manipulated situations.
[00:09:09] you know, with my wife, with my children,
[00:09:11] Damaged Parents: explain that how you used anger to manipulate the situation with them.
[00:09:15] Mike Forrester: Oh, um, so my son said it best and I recently interviewed him and he's now 21. So that relationship has been healing over years. But back when he was younger, I asked him I'm like, what was our relationship?
[00:09:32] Like? He was like, you were authoritarian. You were very much, you know, like the general and I was a lowly private, and I tried to avoid you because if I came near you, then there was always that risk of you being angry at something else. And you just take it out on me. And so something else could have gone on with work.
[00:09:54] You know, I come home home is that safer place. And so in those safe places, it's often our family that we hurt the most. Because if you get mad at your boss, you get mad at a colleague, there's gonna be repercussions. Most of the time I get mad at my wife and my children. Our thought is I'm gonna get away with it.
[00:10:13] They'll just put up with it. This is who I am. And we take it out now, whether that's conscious or unconscious depends on where you are as so far as your self awareness but the anger was there as far as manipulating. I used it as like an intimidation factor and so I would yell, I would rage.
[00:10:36] I didn't hit my kids. I spanked them. Mm-hmm and sometimes went beyond where was. Equal to what they had done, if that makes sense, you know,
[00:10:48] Damaged Parents: or what you could justify compared to what they did, because you were losing control, right. Or they weren't doing what you wanted them to do.
[00:10:56] Mike Forrester: Correct.
[00:10:57] Damaged Parents: Got it.
[00:10:58] Mike Forrester: And, and so it was one of those at that point in time, I thought it was in line with it because of how angry I was and, you know, using that manipulation.
[00:11:10] I mean, they're little kids. You're looking at your mom and dad going, this is supposed to be a place of security and love. I was nothing close to security. I was intending to love them but it was misaligned very broadly.
[00:11:28] Damaged Parents: Right. You know, so it's not that you didn't love them, it's that? No. The, this idea of how to show that maybe was
[00:11:37] Mike Forrester: mm-hmm
[00:11:38] Damaged Parents: or you didn't know.
[00:11:39] I mean, at that point in time, All you had was the information you had. So at what, what happened? It sounded like maybe there was this thought of divorce and challenges with the kids. That was your crisis that said, oh my gosh, this is not working. is this who I want to be?
[00:11:58] Mike Forrester: Yeah, understand. I didn't have a solid grasp of what love like a healthy love.
[00:12:05] Really was when my wife and I first started dating. I felt a difference with her to the point that I can vividly remember, you know, being in a parking lot by where she worked and getting to a crossroad where it's like, what you have for me is so different than what I have at home, which put me at a juxtaposition where it's like, If this is love that I've experienced from my mom and dad, then what the heck is this?
[00:12:36] That my girlfriend is giving me. And if this is really love, why in the heck did my parents not love me? And my wife puts it as I saw red and I took off in my car floored it. This was before cell phones. So, the short of it, just to say, I didn't have a healthy understanding of love at that. I'm not loving myself.
[00:12:59] I grew up with parents that intended to love me, but you know, you can't give what you don't have, if that makes sense.
[00:13:06] Damaged Parents: Yeah, it does. Would, would you say at that point in time that you thought control was love? So if they did what you wanted them to do, then they loved you.
[00:13:16] Mike Forrester: Yeah. And that went on for quite a few years.
[00:13:19] It is not healthy at all to try and control somebody. The only person that we can truly control is ourselves. Right? If, I tell you Angela, Hey, you need to go do X or take it for instance, you go, Mike, I see this within you. This is not healthy. Can you make me change? No,
[00:13:40] Damaged Parents: absolutely not. And I'm thinking, how did you learn to allow room for people to say no like that to you?
[00:13:48] if them doing what you said was the best thing and they didn't do it. And how did you connect that love? That didn't necessarily mean they didn't love you.
[00:13:59] Mike Forrester: It was a, very long. Painful journey along the way, realizing that my parents gave me the best that they could, but that, that perspective, that skew, that definition of love was not the healthiest definition of love.
[00:14:16] You know, my wife, I put her through hell straight out, you know, um, I was verbally. And emotionally abusive because that's how I knew to communicate and what my understanding was at that point in time, when I got to that point, Angela, where I'm like, I'm tired of this, there is something better in life and why is everybody else experiencing it?
[00:14:38] Because I thought I was the only one that was, you know, had things rough wasn't, normal. Like I, I thought it was just me that everybody else is okay. It's a bunch of bull surprise, surprise. I mean, at that at that, but at that point in the truth, that was at that point in time, that was a truth that I held onto.
[00:15:01] And it was a matter of letting go of the foundational beliefs of what I thought, you know, being a healthy man was what love was, how my, Children should behave. How I should interact as a parent, what a marriage looked like.
[00:15:18] Damaged Parents: Mm.
[00:15:18] Mike Forrester: my life did 180 degrees because I built it on lies and fallacies.
[00:15:24] Damaged Parents: Well, right. These things you found out later that didn't work, but you 100% believe them. So were you confused as to how your wife could still love you? When you realize all of this or how she could love you through all of that behavior that you're like this, now that you look back you're like, that was not love.
[00:15:46] I mean, when it, when you first realized it, was it confusing?
[00:15:50] Mike Forrester: It wasn't even just when I first realized it, it was something of self forgiveness was probably the hardest thing I went through Angela, because I could look back and I could see the pain and it's like, how could you do all that? And it was self forgiveness.
[00:16:08] I can forgive others, but it was that, that self criticality and that lack of forgiving myself, that was probably the hardest part of the journey. And just saying you did the best with what you knew and now I can look back and, go, yes, I'm I have sorrow for the fact of how things were, but there's also joy in the fact that I did not stay there.
[00:16:33] And so now I'm in a totally different place with my wife where it's like, she's my best friend. I mean, it's a healthy, vibrant relationship where yeah. You know, she's been able to grow. And become all who, who she is, right. Mm-hmm . So she's gone and gotten her degree and been able to take on her own business.
[00:16:53] If she had done that back before Angela, that was a threat to my insecurity. And I'm like, how dare you try and rise above, my level of provision, you know what I mean? Like I see her success as a threat when it's like, we're supposed to be, partners we're supposed to be going in the same direction and.
[00:17:12] There's that internal war within the two of us where I'm looking going, don't don't do that because that's not, that's not what you're supposed to do. Right,
[00:17:21] Damaged Parents: right. And I think I'm still stuck back on the, when you were cert certain that you needed a divorce and she's like, no. Was that confusing? Because you had behaved in such a manner that you started to realize was not love.
[00:17:37] Mike Forrester: I did not fully step into changing my perspective at that time. And so her going, I don't want a divorce, where we're at, isn't healthy, but a divorce is not what I want. I didn't care what she wanted at that point. Angela mm-hmm it was. , and this will sound twisted, but this is where my mind was at the time.
[00:17:58] Again, remember I'm Eeyore so I'm in, I'm in a victim mindset. If she divorces me or we divorce, I have a perspective of yep. I'm the victim here. I did the best I could. And she left it's almost like when you go, I'm a clutch. Why am I always so clumsy? You're going to discover those things that reinforce those beliefs that you have.
[00:18:25] And so it's like, yep. I stumbled. Okay. I'm clumsy when it's. That's absolutely normal. Right? You, the sidewalk was uneven , you know, or there was a cord and it's like, we're looking for those things to reinforce. And at that time that would have reinforced that belief of I'm a victim. Yep. You know, she wasn't invested in the marriage like I am.
[00:18:47] And so that victim mindset gave me the lens to look through and those actions would then just reinforce whatever, you know, life events occur.
[00:18:57] Damaged Parents: Right. So in that moment,
[00:18:59] Mike Forrester: mm-hmm
[00:18:59] Damaged Parents: of, of the decision to stay. It's almost like you had to make a choice that either you're gonna start looking at yourself or you're gonna continue to blame and be a victim.
[00:19:10] Mike Forrester: Yeah, it was one that I would say it was probably a year after that. Angela, where being in corporate, I then looked at younger guys around me that had. You know that image. I wouldn't say it was like, leave it to beaver, but it was one of those. They had a happy wife. I'm seeing them with their children, they're enjoying themselves and engaging.
[00:19:33] And it's like, what are they doing? Different. Why can't I have that? Why am, why am I not allowed, you know, to live that kind of life. And so, The belief that I had grown up under was if you asked questions that was a sign of weakness, nobody wants to appear weak. So I really hit rock bottom to go, okay, I'm gonna ask questions.
[00:19:58] What are you doing different? And from that, it was like, oh, you're, you're seeing your wife as your friend, as you know, your partner in this. And it was uncovering these layers going along. And it was hard because, I mean, I'm, I'm learning boundaries, right? Mm-hmm , um, boundaries being the fact of being able to say no to have permission and not feel shame or guilt because somebody else asks you something to be able to say no.
[00:20:27] I was very much trying to please my mom and dad, I was still looking for their, approval, you know? And so I would put my family kind of. Throw 'em under the bus, so to speak, to in hopes of gaining mom and dad's approval. And then as I started to heal and implement these boundaries, then it was like, no, whoa, whoa, whoa.
[00:20:50] This is a skewed perspective and continue to find other things. And I mean, it, wasn't just a flick of a switch, you know, just kind of woo. Hey, I can see everything great. It was multiple layers almost like when you have plywood and there's lots of layers of wood. I had that kind of skew, built in where it was layer upon layer upon layer that we, worked through, you know, both with, mentors, friends, coaches, you know, just different things that were going on.
[00:21:22] And it was a journey so what it mild me.
[00:21:26] Damaged Parents: And I wanna just point to real quick that, I mean, it was a year after the threat of divorce, basically that you started to really question or maybe notice that you were even really questioning the difference between these younger guys at work and what was happening in your home.
[00:21:45] And just from my thought sometimes I think we think we change quickly.
[00:21:50] Mike Forrester: You, you can change behavior quickly. It's often the beliefs and kind of the things that trigger that take longer in that perspective, you know, that journey.
[00:22:05] Damaged Parents: Right. So like those subconscious beliefs that you don't even realize that you have take a minute to come up as your world starts to shift and change is what I'm.
[00:22:17] I think I'm hearing you say.
[00:22:19] Mike Forrester: Yeah. So let's say I wanna start running. if I have told myself and had a belief, I hate running. Just because I start running doesn't mean I wanna enjoy running and there's more resistance there because I've got this belief I hate running. And then I have this other desire of, I want to go running to be able to run a 5k, you know, whatever the case may be.
[00:22:46] And so they're at opposition to each other. That core belief has to change where it's like, I'm a runner. I enjoy running and. At first, you're gonna have resistance to that because it's like, whoa, this has not been what we've built. This foundation of like our belief of running. As you begin to tell yourself.
[00:23:09] Yes, I like running or, what's called affirmations by, Noah St. John, where it's like, you ask a why question? Why do I enjoy running? Those begin to change your beliefs and rebuild that foundation doesn't happen overnight, but it's, one of those. You start seeing things differently. Hey, I'm gonna go for a run today and you don't have that dread that opposition to it.
[00:23:34] You find you get to your 5k and you might wanna run a 10 K you might be satisfied but you know, unless you start and begin working. On on that journey. You're you're not gonna get to the 5k. You may not even get to 50 meters.
[00:23:50] Damaged Parents: Right. And one of the things I heard you do was not ask the, why do I not like running?
[00:23:55] It was almost like you had to go to prove yourself wrong. Why do I like running? So let me, which. I believe, you know, they talk about confirmation bias, bias in science, you know, mm-hmm so if we know we have that confirmation bias, we have to look for the opposite of what we think. Right. So at some point, did you think I'm thinking you did say I have resistance here.
[00:24:22] Maybe I need to, maybe I need to dig a little deeper and see what's going on there.
[00:24:28] Mike Forrester: I don't know that I would've, when I first started out, I wouldn't have realized it as resistance. It was just, this pain hurts. , you know, it's like, this is not serving me well. And so I would have other men that challenged me, you know, like, Hey, you know, you're thinking that you're at opposition with your wife, you know, that your wife is against you.
[00:24:51] is that really true? Mm-hmm let me talk through it. Because oftentimes that self realization is more powerful and that's part of what helped me to see things differently. Again, it wasn't overnight. This is years of going through layers and layers and discovering other beliefs. Like I didn't discover the fridge or the freezer, you know, kind of thought process until I had gone through a whole lot of other stuff over probably a decade.
[00:25:23] and it was just like, oh wait, wait a minute. We're throwing out all this food in the freezer. Cuz it's like bad. Why did I do this? Yeah. And so sometimes when our actions don't make sense, you know, it's like, okay, this was really ridiculous. Why did I spend all this money? And now I'm throwing it out. Is digging beneath it.
[00:25:42] To go, why did I do it? What belief is causing me to take this action and then feel the pain of there go all the dollars
[00:25:52] Damaged Parents: right, right. And the Curio you had to, it sounds like really become curious and investigate. Yeah. What, you know, as soon as you even realize that there might be something there, cuz I, I don't think we can walk around questioning everything in our life.
[00:26:07] Every there's a reason we, we have heuristics or what we, so that we don't have to keep re defining. What is happening or what things are like, we're talking on the computer, I'm not gonna redefine a computer every day. That would take a lot of effort.
[00:26:23] Mike Forrester: Right.
[00:26:23] Damaged Parents: and so I think maybe I'm just wondering, and in my mind, it's making sense to me that when first we're gonna have the some sort of crisis, and then we're gonna start a journey.
[00:26:37] If we really want, you know, or not. Right. We're gonna go. and figure something out, but that leads to the next thing, which leads to the next thing. And it's almost like we have to be handle this stuff. Maybe that's a little bit easier or like the most, uh, difficult thing at the moment. And then later we can figure out why we're keeping in the freezer, what we're keeping in the freezer.
[00:26:59] Mike Forrester: Yeah.
[00:27:00] Yeah. I mean, what I kept in the freezer, if I had dealt with. When I was first starting, wouldn't have mattered. Wouldn't have discovered it at all. Angela. It been like, I would look for somebody else to blame, but the thing is, as I heal and I take responsibility for what's going on and. Part of it is understanding where do I want to go?
[00:27:22] Right. You heard me say earlier, I don't want to be like my parents. Okay. That's mm-hmm, , that's great. You know, I could be in Los Angeles and set out in a car, driving east and go, I don't want to go to Miami. There is a whole lot of us outside of Miami where I can end up and it may not be what I actually want.
[00:27:43] And so defining. What do I want my life to look like? Who do I want to be? Who do I want to, how do I wanna serve my family? Right. My children, my wife, and going through and defining those things, gives you a lot more clarity and direction. And once I started doing that stuff, then it was like, okay, I want to have food that's available.
[00:28:07] I'm just throwing all this out that doesn't align. What my objectives are, what my goals are, you know, what I'm envisioning for myself and my family down the road.
[00:28:18] Damaged Parents: Yeah.
[00:28:18] Mike Forrester: And so when those things are disjointed and they're not aligned, it's easier to see those things. I mean, you're, you're always curious, you know, you're, you're going, why is this the case?
[00:28:31] But. Being able to say, this is where I want to go. This is how I want to do it. I mean, we could take off for, um, let's say Savannah, and there's still a lot to even decide in that. Do I want to drive eight hours a day? Do I want to drive 12 hours a day? Do I want to get there eating McDonald's or eating sit down.
[00:28:53] Right. So it's having clarity, you know, and it takes time. I didn't just sit down and go, this is what I want my life to look like. It was deciding, giving myself actual permission in that. Yes, I want this and I do deserve it to let go of those other beliefs that I had grown up with. And then making sure that it's like, okay, what I'm doing is that, you know, aligned.
[00:29:20] And it's on the same path where I want to get and throwing throwing hundreds. And now today, what would've been thousands of dollars of food away. I mean that doesn't serve anybody. And so when I'm looking at it, like, is the food edible? No. Does this help? my bank account? Absolutely not. you know?
[00:29:41] Damaged Parents: Yeah. Cause you're throwing it away. Yeah, exactly. But something I noticed just in our conversation is mm-hmm that you went from focusing on what you didn't want, which inevitably you created what you didn't want. Is what I'm hearing. Yes. And then started figuring out how to focus on what you do want.
[00:30:00] Mike Forrester: Correct. like I mentioned there a lot of giving myself permission to envision and see that stuff, because if you had asked me, what do you want your life to look like? In six months, 12 months, two years, three. I had no idea that wasn't an exercise I had done. And I didn't feel at that time that I deserved a better life.
[00:30:22] I had seen myself as that divorced, distant father, you know? Well divorced husband, distant father, because that was where I felt my life was going. You know, remember I'm looking at it from a victim perspective. Well, as I'm letting go of those beliefs and going, you're not that guy that your parents told you to be, the dyslexia that you ha struggled with as a child and made you feel like you were so bizarre and you know, just special, but not in a positive way, that is not defin.
[00:30:54] who you are now or who you are gonna be in, you know, down the road in the future.
[00:31:00] Damaged Parents: What would be three top tips or tools you would say to someone maybe at the beginning of your journey or more? Maybe not right at the beginning where maybe where they can hear the message
[00:31:14] Mike Forrester: I would say.
[00:31:15] Be forgiving of yourself. It's gonna take energy. It's gonna take time and you need to be your, your friend. An advocate, first of all, because otherwise you, you won't be able to stick with it. Second is to have healthy friends around you because you need that encouragement. When things get rough, you need somebody to talk to and have a healthy people, rather than other Eeyore's
[00:31:40] like, you know, you didn't want a herd of me back when I started. You want people that are in a healthy place to encourage you and take you along the journey. And. I would say the third is like, Angela, if I was struggling with something and I looked at you and I wouldn't feel the same way, I'd be like, Angela.
[00:32:02] Oh my gosh, you've got this. Come on. Then realize that that is a self criticality. That is just me being hard on me because of how I feel about myself. So often placing somebody else in that situation gives us a different perspective or some freedom to see, okay, Hey, this is the truth about it. I just, I feel this way because it's me.
[00:32:24] So I would say that's three things that I would really, invest in at first to make sure you're able to get through this in the long haul.
[00:32:32] Damaged Parents: Yeah, what a fantastic conversation. This is coach Mike. You can find him https://hicoachmike.com. He's got Living Fearless Today podcast. I am super grateful that we got to have this conversation today.
[00:32:46] Thank you so much.
[00:32:47] Mike Forrester: Thank you for having me, Angela.
[00:32:49] Damaged Parents: Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We've really enjoyed talking to Mike about how he was able to be loved in his own mess so that he could We especially liked when he spoke about hoarding food in the freezer. Those stakes. I tell ya. To unite with other damaged people. Connect with us on Instagram. Look for damaged parents will be here next week. Still relatively damaged. See you
