S2E59: Tricia Sybersma - Becoming Planet Me
Tricia Sybersma was born in Toronto, spending the early years in the Collingwood area. In 1993she moved to the Caribbean with husband and two young children, where she still resides. This move provided the opportunity to immerse herself into the Caribbean culture, experiencing similarities of the values and challenges every parent shares including the lack of resources when things go sideways! As a result of my youth and parenting challenges she has developed the GCA (Gratitude, Connection, Action) platform and Website to help, support and encourage others with tools to navigate their life experiences from a place of confidence, trust and self-worth in a self-sustaining way.
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Podcast Transcript
[00:00:00] Damaged Parents: Welcome to the Relatively Damaged podcast by Damaged Parents were unsafe, unknowing learning. People come to learn, maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged. Someone once told me it's safe to assume. 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way. I would venture to say it's closer to 100%.
[00:00:23] Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about. In my ongoing investigation of the damage self, I want to better understand how others view their own challenges.
[00:00:45] Maybe it's not so much about the damage, maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it. There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience? My hero is you. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side, whole.
[00:01:10] You who stares directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover your purpose. You are the people who inspire me to be more fully me. Not in spite of my trials, but because of them, let's hear from another hero. Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advice.
[00:01:38] The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them.
[00:01:42] Today, we're going to talk with Tricia Sybersma she has many roles in her life. Daughter, sibling, mother, aunt spouse, cousin, grandparent, and more. We'll talk about how as a child she didn't feel understood validated or included in her family and how she found health and healing let's talk
[00:02:04] Welcome back to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. Today, we have Tricia Sybersma with us. She was born in Toronto and she spent the early years in the Collwood area in 1993. She moved to the Caribbean with her husband and two young children where she still resides. So move provided an opportunity for her to immerse herself into the Caribbean culture, experiencing similarities of values and challenges.
[00:02:31] Every parent shares including the lack of resources, when things go sideways as a result of her youth and parenting challenges, she has developed the GCA. Gratitude connection action platform and her website, where she supports and encourages others with tools to navigate their life experiences from a place of confidence trust.
[00:02:53] And self-worth in a self-sustaining way. Her website is https://triciasybersma.com. And you'll find that information in the show notes. Welcome to the show Trisha.
[00:03:04] Tricia Sybersma: Oh wow. Thank you. Heartfelt gratitude to you and the wonderful work you're doing all the information that you're getting out and welcoming me to your show.
[00:03:12] Damaged Parents: Oh, I just really feel honored because. One of the things that in the form that you had filled out I think I had asked the question, how long did it take you to find your balance? And the response was, I wish you would've asked me a different question. Like what tools I use after I found my balance.
[00:03:32] Or not even after tell us what, where you're coming from with that comment.
[00:03:37] Tricia Sybersma: Yeah, sure. I'd love to. For me. It's, it wasn't so much when I found my balance, what was meaningful to me was what tools do I use to constantly rebalance myself? Because let's face it, we're're balanced one minute and then we're not.
[00:03:54] And then we are, and then we're not because of the constant. Opportunities and challenges and just everything life throws at us every day, every moment. And so it's important to have tools in place. So in that instant we can hold, we can rebalance. And having said that I will share that I'm actually on a ball.
[00:04:16] Right now, not a chair. So even live physical right here right now, I am constantly rebalancing my physical body to the ball. In the same way I would rebalance my energy and emotional mental bodies as saying is as things come forward. .
[00:04:33] Damaged Parents: When did you figure out that it was about finding the tools to rebalance versus just finding the balance?
[00:04:42] Was there a point in time where all of a sudden it just clicked that you're gonna have to rebalance throughout life?
[00:04:49] Tricia Sybersma: Yeah. Yes. And related to one of the other questions you asked me in what order I showed up in my family and how that. Influenced my life experiences and I showed up first I'm the oldest of four.
[00:05:02] And in my family dynamic, it became very obvious quite early on that it was up to me to save myself to be able to navigate. My own entry into an independent person. And so with that journey, through various looking outside for various support systems and help and magic answers and, those sorts of things although they would provide temporary answers and relief, I realized that, you know what.
[00:05:36] We really just have to save ourselves. It's the only sustainable way to keep growing, evolving and developing our own toolkits so that we can pull out what we need without always having to look outside. Cuz you know what? Sometimes those people are busy and sometimes those tools or the outside support won't quite fit for the situation we're going through.
[00:06:00] So to develop a variety of tools that we can draw from and not have to wait for other people or not have to rely on other outside things that we can draw from within and wham find our own solutions.
[00:06:14] Damaged Parents: Okay. You may have noticed that I really smiled when you said magic answers. because I think I remember feeling that way in my own life.
[00:06:26] I wanted some magic. I wanted maybe someone else to solve it, but is that when you say magic answers, are you referring to things like that? And if that's not it, please explain what else that might mean.
[00:06:40] Tricia Sybersma: Yeah, that's exactly what I'm referring to because they're not to confuse that there is magic around us in nature and other aspects of our life.
[00:06:49] But when we were going through the various traumas as from both sides as a child growing up, as well as a parent in traumatic situations, it, you just, that one counselor is going to save us or that one. system is going to save us and they all have their place cause that even that one medication is going to save us and they all have their place.
[00:07:11] They really do. But really the only true thing we can rely on is using all that and developing our own sense. Our own navigation and our ability to trust what we are being drawn to in that particular moment from the inside out, not the outside in and there's cause there's a slight difference.
[00:07:34] It's a different ownership. When what we're drawn to, to support us in the moment comes from inside versus coming from.
[00:07:42] Damaged Parents: yeah, that actually makes a lot of sense to me. And it reminds me in Alanon there is a is it a slogan? Let it begin with me. And even in relationship, based on what I'm hearing you say, that's the only place it can begin.
[00:07:58] Yes, there are these other things. And. It starts with what we choose to do in that moment. Am I getting that right? Yes.
[00:08:06] Tricia Sybersma: Yes. And so the transition to that, the group that helped me the most in providing me with the tools to transition into that place is HeartMath. And I am a HeartMath certified HeartMath trainer, with specialties in anxi anxiety, trauma, and stress, and.
[00:08:23] How that appeared to me was during. Traumatic time with one of my children. We didn't know she was gonna survive. It was a very serious time. And being the parent of that, I was in fight, fight myself, like really not able to critically think and absorb much. And it was just at the time where computers weren't getting up and going, and social media was becoming a thing.
[00:08:47] And I must have seen a HeartMath social media post and liked it. They kept showing up and they showed up when I needed a little prompt the most, and of all the information out there that I was reading about PTSD and different, the different issues out there. I could absorb what the HeartMath posts were telling me, just one liner or a quote.
[00:09:08] And I could absorb it because I was ready to. Reconnect with my own intuition and my heart guidance, which is what HeartMath is all about. Aligning your heart to your brain, not brain to heart, heart, to brain, which resets your nervous system and starts the hormonal change from stress hormones to healing hormones.
[00:09:32] And so that system, helped me transition and gave me confidence and built my trust in myself to know what tools would work for me and what tools to use in a moment of. Everyday stress to navigating a category five hurricane aftermath to navigating the last two and a half years and all the things that, that brought into my life in everybody's life.
[00:09:58] So that was the catalyst that, that reconnected. And aligned my ability to access my heart intelligence and open up all the things that we store in our brain that get that, get cut off a we're in fight and fight.
[00:10:15] Damaged Parents: I think. What you're referring to, when you say cut off, what is what I'm calling in my mind, tunnel vision in fight or flight?
[00:10:23] Tricia Sybersma: Yes.
[00:10:23] Damaged Parents: Yes. Only one solution helps or in my that's what my brain is telling me. And I'm not seeing any other options,
[00:10:31] Tricia Sybersma: Because it has to, because that's survival and the old days when we were being chased by something that could eat us, we just needed to go forward quickly. And not stop and pick an apple roses.
[00:10:44] We just needed to get outta there. But today because sometimes we're still, that's still valid, but today because of our stresses are more multifaceted. It, it is helpful if we can maintain. To all the information and the critical thinking we have, as well as staying in line with our intuition so that we, we can see all the available options that we have right in front of us right now, and change our perspective and our view.
[00:11:13] And and then pick the ones that intuitively we feel are right.
[00:11:18] Damaged Parents: I was recently, reading somewhere that. Our social stresses can actually bump us into that fight or flight absolutely. absolutely. You know, so that's, and it, let's see if I can explain it, right. it actually triggers the part of the brain that also interprets physical pain.
[00:11:36] And you're nodding. Yes. So yeah, I remembered correctly.
[00:11:39] Tricia Sybersma: yeah. Cause you know, our brain, now I'm not a doctor. Yeah. And so I'm gonna speak very plainly and from personal experience and everything I've been exposed to and everything that I've learned from great organizations like HeartMath and working with horses, because there's a lot of similarity as to where we go when we are stressed and.
[00:12:02] Pray animals, which is a horse go when they're stressed. And that is survival. And our brain doesn't always know the difference between a physical threat and an emotional mental threat to them. It's a threat, just a threat so alarm bell we're threatened socially or physically alarm bells go off.
[00:12:20] And we go into that. We're what is the quickest way of here? And and sometimes that sometimes that's the right answer and sometimes it isn't the right answer. Sometimes the thinking and feeling intuitively around, around the problem, especially if it's an emotional mental problem, is a better answer.
[00:12:38] And so to access that , we need, that's where connecting to our heart and our heart intelligence, plays a big part.
[00:12:45] Damaged Parents: Now the other thing I remember seeing somewhere too, because I also love HeartMath. So it's probably in HeartMath is, but is that the heart communicates or sends more information to the brain than the brain sends to the heart?
[00:12:58] What does that mean?
[00:13:00] Tricia Sybersma: And it's bigger than that. So our heart sense information out to our body.
[00:13:04] Damaged Parents: Oh, absolutely. So not even just to our brain. Yes.
[00:13:08] Tricia Sybersma: You know, When you're driving and you feel there's a car coming, or you're, you're in your kitchen and you feel like something, you grab something before it stop the counter So that can be explained by the wonderful data that they've collected that clearly shows that. Our heart interprets and picks up imaging and movement and our environment faster than our eyes or ears. And our other senses in our brain can.
[00:13:33] Damaged Parents: Which I think is really interesting because I was reading another book about how minds change and it was pointed out that we only see in two dimensions anyway.
[00:13:46] So I think what I hear you saying from the heart is that the heart is literally sensing our environment .
[00:13:52] Tricia Sybersma: Yeah.
[00:13:52] Damaged Parents: And maybe our eyes are just part of that sense. that sensing if that's what's happening in my mind. anyway. Yeah. That's what I'm thinking.
[00:14:01] Tricia Sybersma: We know that there's actually brain related cells in our heart.
[00:14:06] Mm-hmm They're there they're actually there. So that's just biologically, we have brain cells in our heart. We have the brain cells in our heart are of a similar makeup as the brain cells in our brain. And so they have a network. That acts similarly to our brain and they call it the heart brain or heart intelligence.
[00:14:24] Damaged Parents: Yeah. So I'm thinking, this is what most people refer to as their intuition or, their subconscious is that the type of information we're getting from our heart mm-hmm and how actually for another step. Question. How did you start to trust it?
[00:14:44] Tricia Sybersma: There was something deep in me that just knew to go there. It was a resonance. It was oh, I'm home. It was O of course also the way HeartMath is set up, of course, is science based. So everything that they share with us, if you're a numbers person is backed by research and research, that's all transparent and all there for anyone to see mm-hmm So it's a really unique space When it really bridges the known and the unknown. And now we have the technology to actually measure electromagnetic energies. That's coming from our heart, which is a thousand times more than what's coming from our brain. And also what happens to our body when we align our brain, our heart with our brain and they term it coherence and how that Ripples out to affect our hormonal system, our nervous system, our metabolic system and really just floods our body in a whole different way.
[00:15:41] And we can access that easily. Anytime eyes open when anything is going up, and this is spontaneous, but we can do it right here. It only takes a couple seconds.
[00:15:53] Damaged Parents: Okay. What do we do to get into heart brain coherence?
[00:15:57] Tricia Sybersma: All right. So what we do and eyes open or shut, doesn't matter if you wanna shut your eyes for a few minutes, So what we're gonna do is focus your attention in the area of your heart. And I like to instert. What does that look like to you today? Because you know, we, we all learn differently for some of us are visuals. Some of us are audio. Some of us are readers. You know, We have our own way of learning. So, focus your attention in the air of your heart and let your heart show up.
[00:16:23] However, it shows up, it could show up as a biological heart. It could show up with a big, golden globe. It could show up with. Colors, however it shows up, let it show up and just trust that you're focusing your attention in the area of your heart. Then next, imagine your breath flowing in and out of your heart.
[00:16:44] Obviously your breath is flowing into your lungs and throughout your body, but for this moment, imagine what it looks like for your breath to float in and out of your heart.
[00:16:54] This is called heart focused breathing
[00:16:56] and to shift into coherence. The next thing we're going to do is activate a heart renewing feeling that we choose. We can either choose. Gratitude or joy or bliss or remember a moment where we felt gratitude or joy or peace. Remember that? Choose to remember that moment and bring that feeling up into this experience right now could be, it could be a feeling that you have around your pet, a friend.
[00:17:30] A loved one and just let that feeling grow from your heart.
[00:17:35] And now we're shifting into coherence.
[00:17:39] Damaged Parents: That's so easy.
[00:17:41] Tricia Sybersma: Yes, it is that easy. And the power in it is that we are choosing the feeling. We are choosing to find a memory, an experience, or creating and activating the emotional energy we want to experience right now.
[00:17:58] Damaged Parents: Now you said you, you work with people with trauma, anxiety, things like that.
[00:18:03] So when people with high anxiety and trauma and they, if they come to you or they start learning these techniques, can it be scary for them? And if so, what would they do?
[00:18:15] Tricia Sybersma: Yes. Of course, one of our protective mechanisms when we're in uncomfortable situations from the whole spectrum of what that could mean to the individual, we close off.
[00:18:28] Cause it, we protect what's most vulnerable to us. So within what we just did, there are microsteps that the person can. Explore. So it's slowly, they start to RET trusts and reopen that access to their intuition and heart intelligence and their trust in themselves.
[00:18:48] Damaged Parents: So gaining this trust in your self wasn't.
[00:18:51] It's not like you're gonna cut off all these people in your world. Good or bad perceived as good or bad. But it's gaining it seems like this confidence inside that says I can make a good decision, even if I don't have all the information. That's what it seems like to me.
[00:19:08] Tricia Sybersma: Yes. You create a filter or a lens. And so hence why I created gratitude connection action on the days where I could only hug a tree. And I had many days where I could only hug a tree during the height of some of the traumatic events that, that I've navigated through. Um, I realized
[00:19:27] that working with the energy of gratitude. It's not the word, the energy of gratitude. It's not the fuzzy feelings, but knowing that this tree is holding me up right now. Thank you tree. just the real basic energy of being able to just grab a glass of water. Just the everyday simple things started to create some space.
[00:19:49] It started to bring me into coherence without me even realizing that's what was happening. And so once I had some space created, And I could see a little bit more around me and that's the tunnel vision. Then I became more aware of the connection, the potential of connections available to me, the field of connections.
[00:20:06] And then I could pick, I'm going to reach out to this person or that system, or that quote will be my quote for the day. And I chose, I was able to choose what to connect to, and I was also able to choose what not to connect to. Because everything around us is connecting to us and we're connecting to it cause we're electric magnetic beings magnetic.
[00:20:32] So we are constantly attracting, but we can also repel just like magnets can repel. So as I became aware of, it was really up to me to decide what to connect to and what not to connect to, or not allowed to connect to me then what am I gonna do with. I'm gonna take action. I'm gonna actually say no or say yes or attract or not attract.
[00:20:55] And what that started to, what started to happen is you start to create your own energy, sustainable energy force that you take with you. So gratitude and connections, the power of connections helps us create our own. You can call it your own atmosphere, like a planet. So my own atmosphere and that starts working for us because already, my filters are in place.
[00:21:19] And so already I'm feeling like, oh, I'm not really drawn to that over there. So our filters start working for us. It becomes a lot smoother and a lot easier. Cuz then we just start being in spaces where things do resonate with us. And we're really quick to notice when they don't, we're really quick to notice when they don't and then to fire.
[00:21:38] And if I find them getting a little fatigued and I, and I need to fire up my atmosphere, my own energetic field then I just look at a tree. And again, I just start being. Grateful for the easy things that we have access to. Just the fact that we can complain is something to be grateful for. Like we can actually vent when we have those moments and we can complain.
[00:22:01] And we just, have to just sort things out very loudly, even that action, the ability to do that in however way that looks for the individual is actually somebody to go, Hey, you know, at least I can even do. So it's basic that it's easy to miss. We're always looking for something big, right?
[00:22:17] Big. Yeah. Really? It's the little things.
[00:22:21] Damaged Parents: Yeah. It's almost what if it's just right here? It's been right here the whole time
[00:22:25] Tricia Sybersma: like we're often being bombarded by. Look here. Look here, look here, look here. We're not We're not enough. We're not good enough. And we don't have the information, but what if we do?
[00:22:33] Damaged Parents: Yeah, I love that question now as someone who used this as a tool to help find balance and keep balance or find, go back into balance. Are there times where going into the heart, brain coherence? If you're in a let's say a traumatic event just happened where maybe you have to go back to first steps.
[00:22:56] So that does happen. So you do have to sometimes go back to, okay. I'm just gonna do the beginning things now.
[00:23:01] Tricia Sybersma: Oh yeah. There's only first steps. Heart focused breathing, no matter how many years you've been a HeartMath instructor and how many specialties you have, the first step focus, , your attention on the air of your heart.
[00:23:13] That is how everyone. Everyone. And even with that quick oh, I have a heart. Like, even if, Even if that's all you can do is OK. What am I supposed to with? OK. I have a heart you're already there.
[00:23:26] Damaged Parents: Okay. So once you get it, it's easier to find it again in the midst of a trauma or uh, Yeah. A trauma.
[00:23:35] Yeah. oh, sure.
[00:23:36] Tricia Sybersma: Yeah. Yes. Or, yeah, like a surprise event. Good or bad if good or bad. So sometimes when good things are happening and we always focus on bad things happening, but sometimes when good things happening and we get so excited like today, it's oh, I get to be on this show. It's so exciting.
[00:23:49] I felt myself going into fight flight because I was excited. Mm. It had to go. Cool. You. Where's my heart. Okay. Heart book is free. Yeah. And so I could be really present and really speak for my heart today. so it's not just necessarily a negative experience. This also benefits positive experiences, especially if we're asked to public speak or we're in a group when we have something to say, and we're like, oh, I can't speak up.
[00:24:14] Folks meant attention to the area of my heart. And when you do that, we actually have a term called Coherence like heart coherence speaking and, we're where public speakers, or even people who just want to find their voice and trust it can use it to speak from their heart in good for good occasions.
[00:24:33] Lots of occasions, athletes use it, athletes choose it. What's more exciting going to an athletic event. We have Olympians that.
[00:24:38] Damaged Parents: Because I'm thinking, heartburn, coherence seems, it feels really important to me, which I don't think we use that very often in today's world. It's we want the data, we want this.
[00:24:49] And sometimes maybe the data is all great and dandy. Yes. And there's something underneath that maybe that our heart will point us to or away from for whatever reason.
[00:25:00] Tricia Sybersma: Yes. Yes. There's a commerce level here. When we look out
[00:25:05] there is an exchange and there is a place for every, all the tools out there. There's a place. I'm not saying that there's a place, but, wouldn't it be wonderful that we can really use our heart intelligence, our tuition to. Be also watchful of our personal resources. Yeah. And go from the consumerism.
[00:25:24] Pick me to, oh, I've got this much resources, time, money, whatever the resource is, energy days, time, and you know, over the day to be able to really, for ourselves looking outdoor resources to make sure we're spending our time, money and energy in areas that really resonate for us.
[00:25:44] Whether picking, outside help like therapists and whatever, they're all, they all have their place, but we can really get the most, for us. Saving our resources and using them carefully, if we're choosing from a heart centered place and just think of it from their point of view, if they are working with clients, whether it's a massage therapist, a physiotherapist, or a therapist, other therapist, if they're working with clients who are resonating with them, how much further they would be able to help us, if we're both coming from it, coming to it from.
[00:26:22] A place of resonance and coherence and intuition.
[00:26:28] Damaged Parents: Yeah. Almost like we get to follow our, our, find our purpose and follow it based on what our heart is telling us.
[00:26:34] Tricia Sybersma: Yeah. And the people and the tools that are going to. Work with our individual. So in my work, I talk about things like unique perspective up, and that was really a catalyst for me when I realized I shared in my bio I do see the world differently and I did, I struggled in school and I struggled with peers And when I realized that seeing the world through a unique lens is really valuable in the gift. And so I and said what's your brand. My first website designer said, what's your brand? I'm like unique perspective. It's our up, it's how we are experiencing the world around it. Because we all experience it in our own way, a unique way.
[00:27:13] Everything that we've everything we've experienced to this moment is framing our unique perspective, which is constantly changing and shifting as new experiences and new information come in. But it's still our unique perspective. Yeah. And when we start honoring our unique perspective and getting to know our unique perspective, like how do we really feel about what we're seeing and what we're experiencing the world?
[00:27:33] Then we access our inner power.
[00:27:36] Damaged Parents: Oh well, everyone, if you want to learn how to access your inner power, I highly recommend getting in contact with Tricia you can find her at https://triciasybersma.com I could talk with you forever. we are out of time and I'm just so glad I got to have you on my show. I'm really honored.
[00:27:54] Thank you so much.
[00:27:56] Tricia Sybersma: I'm honored or share it. okay.
[00:27:58] Damaged Parents: That works. We'll share it. but
[00:28:00] Tricia Sybersma: yeah. Yeah. This is what community is all about. It's been wonderful. Thank you.
[00:28:05] Damaged Parents: Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We really enjoyed talking to Tricia about how she learned how to find confidence within herself. We especially liked when she walked us through heart-brain coherence. To unite with other damaged people, connect with us on Facebook. Look for damaged parents. We'll be here next week still relatively damaged see you then
