S2E52 - How to Feng Sui Your Life

Krystal is a Feng Shui Designer & Clutter Expert who helps soul-driven leaders declutter and design a workspace that empowers them to create the life & business that they want.

Using her proprietary framework The Designed Life Method℠ Mind, Body, Soul, Home, she helps her clients design spaces & lives they love.

Krystal shows women how to use their workspace as a 3D vision board to help them design who they are becoming & the life they want with it, right into their space.

Krystal serves up straight talk wrapped in love. After all, she understands entrepreneurs’ challenges: Decluttering the limiting beliefs that hold us back from what is possible. Shifting the energy in our environment to align with our soul-driven mission to create the life we are dreaming about with intention and purpose. And making a big impact creating the world we want to live in today.

Social media and contact information:

Facebook:
facebook.com/FengShuiKrystal/
Instagram:
instagram.com/krystal.holm/
YouTube:
youtube.com/channel/UCe5J1379XjotMWpFRhJONrQ?

Podcast Transcript

[00:00:00] Damaged Parents: Welcome back to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by damaged parents were messy, hardworking. Feng Shui kind of people come to learn. Maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged.

Someone once told me it's safe to assume 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way. I would venture to say it's closer to 100%. Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than. Like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about.

In my ongoing investigation of the damaged self, I want to better understand how others view their own challenges. Maybe it's not so much about the damage, maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it. There's a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience?

My hero is the damaged person. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side, whole. Those who stare directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover their purpose. These are the people who inspire me to be more fully me. Not in spite of my trials, but because of them.

Let's hear from another hero.

Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advice. The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them. Today, we're going to talk with Krystal Holm. She has many roles in her life. Mom, Yaya, girlfriend, sister, business person, and more.

We'll talk about how she had an injury, which left her unable to walk. But she still had dreams. And so. We find out how she found health and healing let's talk

Welcome back to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. Today, we have Krystal Holm. She's a Fung Shui designer and clutter expert who helps soul driven leaders, declutter and design a workspace that empowers them to create the life and business they want, she uses her proprietary framework, the Designed Life Method, Mind, Body, Soul, and Home. She helps her clients design spaces and lives they love. Krystal shows women how to use their workspace as a 3d vision board to help them design who they're becoming and the life they want with it right into their space, you can find crystal home on social media, mostly YouTube. She really wants to direct you to YouTube and just look up Krystal Holm. Let me spell that for you. It's K R Y S T A L. Holm is H O L M. Welcome to the show Krystal we're finally, to my welcoming you into the show, you would agree intro.

[00:03:05] Krystal Holm: Thanks. I'm excited to be here.

[00:03:07] Damaged Parents: I mean, I love that. You're here and that you've got this amazing story that you want to share with us about a physical struggle. That really was also mental and emotional. Like it sounds like from the little that I know that your struggle started well before the physical stuff happened.

[00:03:29] Krystal Holm: It really did. A lot of, a lot of the mental and emotional stuff started even as far back as childhood. Right. I grew up in a very abusive home. My parents divorced when I was eight and they both remarried. My mom married a pedophile and a violent abusive sort of alcoholic. She is as a narcissist and a sociopath herself.

So she really just, even when I told her she just lied and covered it up and just, yeah, like it was just nothing to her.

[00:04:02] Damaged Parents: So you were being physically abused or emotionally and mentally at that point.

[00:04:07] Krystal Holm: All of it. there was so much going on back then. It was a lot of, there was certainly a lot of verbal abuse.

I was kind of a fighter when I was a kid, I was not one to, take this lying down. I was very clear that, I hated my new step-dad and I was not quiet about it. And the feeling was mutual and he made that very, very clear, I was told always, how hated I was and what an obligation I was and how they would get rid of me if they could, not to my father, because they didn't want me to go there where I would be happy.

 it was more of a just, it didn't fall in line, you know, I didn't perpetuate the image that they wanted to present to the world. Of the perfect good Christian family. I was the outcast. I was the rebel of that. And I carried that with me always right.

For, most of my life.

[00:04:52] Damaged Parents: So hold on. So you were being physically abused by dad or stepdad, excuse me. and also your, this rebel that's really, it sounds like trying to stand up and do it. What's right, but it's this fight that's happening because not only that, now you've got this religious dynamic that's happening, where it's supposed to look one way, but it's in your mind.

It's clearly not. So now there's this lie that somehow you're supposed to perpetuate and you're just refusing

[00:05:20] Krystal Holm: pretty much. Yeah. I mean, that's sort of a nice, in a nutshell version. Yeah. My parents are excrutiatingly religious. So of course there was a lot of religious abuse included in that, because we weren't, a lot of the abuse that I was put through was based on this religious perfection, right.

This idea of, the perfect woman or the perfect child, or, you know, and all of it was based in. The Bible, right. We read the Bible all the time. but when I would question it, like, wait, the Bible says this, and this is what we're doing. Like, yeah. It was very much questioning of the authority in my family, especially my parents, or my mother She really does not like to have her lies question raised. She doesn't want her image questioned in any way. she thinks she's a saint. And that's the image she presents to the world. And so when I came out and told her, like your husband is a pedophile he's an alcoholic, like he's driving drunk in the car with his children.

And your response is to, hide the beer when he gets into an accident, not to be worried about your kids. I was always sort of the one that was calling that out. I was the oldest child and I was always. Sort of calling them out on their shit, really? Like you don't walk your talk.

[00:06:36] Damaged Parents: I just think it's really interesting that as a child, you were noticing these things in the scriptures that were conflicting with what was happening. this was not intended to go down the religious route, but, did you also notice the conflicts within the scriptures too at that point?

[00:06:52] Krystal Holm: A lot of them, yeah. Like I remember being, even younger than that six or seven maybe, and like telling my mom. You're a hypocrite because this is what the Bible says to do. And this is what you're doing, and this is what you're making me do. And that's not what, what Jesus says or what the Bible says.

And I mean, I still was very young, so I was still, I hadn't yet started to realize that, Hey, there's like, there's whole other people with whole other beliefs I did because you know, my dad got remarried . If I had to say anything about my stepmom, I would have to say she probably identified as a witch more than any sort of good Christian woman.

She was very into a cult studies, right. She studied. And she grew up with a very occult family, Palm reading and all sorts of divination, astrology magic. Right. She was very much on the other end of the spectrum, as far as what she believed in. She did not believe in like a God per se, like the Christian version of God.

She was very much like a mother goddess, sort of like this more balanced view of it. And so I had these two very opposite. Messaging is coming into me as far as that. And I mean, from a very young age, I really hated my mom. when I told her that her new boyfriend, even before they got married, that her new boyfriend was abusing us, like literally she called me a liar and hide all the evidence and covered it up and took me to a therapist and told him she she wont stop lying..

Like she keeps saying we're abusing her. She's a liar. And so every time I would tell the therapist about the abuse, he would call me a liar too, so I really had some serious animosity I made the decision there. I, gave my mom an ultimatum, like it's him or me. when she chose him, like I made that decision then like, I will never, ever, ever be like you and I was looking for other role models and my step-mom really stepped into that role beautifully.

She was incredibly loving. She taught me all of the things that moms are supposed to teach their daughters. When I started like my menstruating. She, my mom shamed me for having a period. And my stepmom was the one that taught me like, okay, this is, these are pads. These are tampons. These are like, how you choose one?

Like, this is how it works. This is what we do. This is like, she was the one that took me through all of those things and taught me all of that stuff. So I had a lot of baggage around like my self worth and self love and. Certainly self care, right. Being able to even take care of myself. That was not a thing, right.

It was not a thing I was taught growing up. It was, it doesn't matter that you're sick. Oh, you have the chicken pox straight. You have to stay home. Right. Like the school is going to make you, and now I know it affects my life. That was sort of like what my childhood was like and we kind of went way off.

[00:09:38] Damaged Parents: did go a little bit off, but that's okay. That's good. That's what makes us

[00:09:42] Krystal Holm: fun. It actually gives us a really good foundation for what happened after the injury. Right. So fast forward.

[00:09:50] Damaged Parents: Well, real quick, before you even get to that, was there a point in your life where you felt healed from what happened in childhood or was it just something that was there and you just, okay. I need to do life.

[00:10:02] Krystal Holm: I more really wanted to escape. so like my step-mom's teachings around magic and manifesting a different life. Very much appealed to me.

[00:10:11] Damaged Parents: Oh, I never thought about it from that direction.

[00:10:14] Krystal Holm: It very much, appealed to me, this idea of, I could use magic to create a different life because I wanted to live anywhere. I remember asking my parents to put me in foster care.

[00:10:24] Damaged Parents: Oh, wow.

[00:10:25] Krystal Holm: Like that was our deal. We made a deal at one point when I ran away from home. Second or third time you know, like I'll come back, but only if you put me in a foster home, right. They, they threw me in drug treatment. They threw me in all sorts of different things, but it was never, I just wanted out, like I was just counting the days I moved out of my parents' home.

The day after I graduated from high school, I was still 17. I was lucky enough to find a landlord that would sign a lease with me before I turned eight. I was pregnant with my first child and I just wanted out like anything to get out. I was counting the days pretty much from the time I was nine.

Like I moved in with my dad and my stepmom for a couple of years in high school. And that was a really break but, there was stuff there too. My father was super racist and sexist and misogynistic. Like he never wanted daughters . it was different. It was weird.

Like I still had love there, but I didn't really wake up to his standards either. And so I had a lot of just stuff. And so when I turned 18, I didn't necessarily feel healed. I just was happy to escape to start trying to heal. I had, you know, a couple of. Not so great relationships. One, not so great.

One pretty abusive. And then, by then I was really kind of almost in my thirties even, before I started being like, I am miserable and miserable in my life. My life is not anything like I dreamed it would be. I'm not happy in my career. I'm not happy with really anything. And that's when I, went back to school, I became an interior designer.

Interior design. It always sort of been my thing. Like I always was escaping into my Barbie dream house or even redecorating my room. It was one of the things I was allowed to do as a kid. I think it's just a family trait. My grandma decorates a lot. My mom decorates a lot. It's part of the image. In my own, like I've spent a lot of the years analysis analyzing this sort of stuff. Right. But the interior design thing, it just sort of runs in my blood. I almost went to school to become a psych a forensic psychologist. Actually. I really wanted to work with psychopaths, sociopaths, serial killers child abusers.

I really wanted to get into their brain and understand what makes them work.

[00:12:39] Damaged Parents: would you say that would be because of what happened to you that you wanted to understand?

[00:12:44] Krystal Holm: I think so. I don't think at the time I knew that I just, it was just a fascination with, even just watching like crime shows on TV and just watching, like, You see it, right?

There's one story after another, after another of psychopaths abusing children. And I think that was kind of where I started with like, oh, okay. Like, this is not, not everybody's parents is like this, but I started understanding, it took a long time for me to even acknowledge, like my parents just aren't normal.

Right. It's really hard to say, my mom is a narcissist and sociopath. That was a hard sentence for me to say the first few times I said it like it for it to sink in and be like, it's not that my mom, doesn't love me. It's true. My mom doesn't love anyone. She literally can't love anyone.

[00:13:31] Damaged Parents: She doesn't have the empathy.

[00:13:33] Krystal Holm: He doesn't have the empathy. She doesn't have the capabilities. She only cares about herself and her image. And if you don't contribute to her image, then you are the enemy and you are to be. Oppressed. Right. Strangely, you know, part of my lifelong enjoyment of studies with the magic in the occult thing led to a study of the oppression of women just in general, right over the history, because we have a history of, magic in the world, right.

History of witchcraft and the oppression of women. And they all really went hand in hand. So yeah. Time to go to school. It took me a few months of really like trying to decide and, I chose interior design. And then it was my psychology class. I had to write a psychology paper on something related to my field of study, and I ended up really diving into the fengshui.

That's it? It had been around for a few years, in this country. It had been around for thousands of years in, Asia, but it had only been popular in the United States for about five or six years. So I'd heard of it, but I didn't know a lot about it. And I came at it from a psychology point of view.

Right. I was trying to write a psychology paper. So I was really looking at how does the flow of energy in your space affect like your mindset, right? Like, and how, and how you feel in the emotions of it. So that was really like my introduction to fengshui I had at about, it was maybe a couple of years before that.

I'd always wanted to be an entrepreneur. Right? My grandparents were entrepreneurs. I've always wanted to start my own business. I think I wanted to be able to have some control right. Of, not being an employee. Right. I had a lot of struggle with having someone else in charge and like, I've always wanted to have my own business.

And I had started one. At that time it was An MLM company. And I was very lucky that the founder of that really did a lot of personal development trainings for the whole company. Right. so that you, weren't just worried about like me training my down line and you training down line, he's like, everybody's my down line. I'm going to train all of you.

[00:15:31] Damaged Parents: Right.

[00:15:31] Krystal Holm: So I was very, very fortunate this would have been like my late twenties to meet a millionaire. That was well on his way to being a billionaire and wanted to teach all of us how to change our lives. And so I'd had that. It didn't work out. I didn't do well at the network marketing thing, but then when I went to school to become an interior designer and started learning about the fengshui, the personal development part stuck with me.

And so as I fast forwarded a few years and I was into my career, I still wasn't like growing, like as fast as I wanted to. I wasn't having the success and the accolades and the recognition that I wanted for my work. And a friend of mine took me to a personal development. It was more like a sales pitch for a personal development seminar.

And I didn't realize it at the time. And I asked him if I could go. And that was really where my healing journey began. You asked about healing from the trauma. That was where it started. Traditional therapy did not feel like a safe route.

[00:16:28] Damaged Parents: Well, yeah, but that makes a lot of sense that it wouldn't feel safe, . Is this, the healing before the, the injury. Okay. So you started healing before the injury happened. The next injury that I don't, I don't want to be a spoiler here.

[00:16:44] Krystal Holm: Yeah, no, no. I I started healing and that was really starting to heal the emotional baggage and stuff like that.

At the same time, my career was starting to take off. I had the opportunity in my job to do fengshui for a client. And I really fell in love with it. And I really was like, this is the missing piece. I don't want to just do interior design. I want to do fengshui with my clients too. And I was several years into my healing journey at that point.

And I had come to a point was I was really working on healing. My relationship with men.

And

[00:17:19] Damaged Parents: when you got injuries with both women and men.

[00:17:23] Krystal Holm: Yes. The psychology injuries from both. I definitely had that. And so I reached this point where I was healing my relationship with men. And so I was in this group of women.

I was working with a coach and I was like, I really want to start this business. I really want to get things going, but I needed guinea pigs, right. To kind of go it. And so I offered it to these group of women and like, how can I help you with fengshui at the time, it was helped them find love, right.

To help them heal their relationships with men. And so I was really diving into this deeply into these studies and they were from all over the world. So I was trying to also do it virtually online.

[00:17:59] Damaged Parents: You want, you're trying to step into the fengshui and you end up with this group of women and what they want to heal, that what they also want to heal from is this the situation with men.

And so is that when you realized, okay, this is time for me to work on this, much deeper, or did you go into it knowing, okay, I'm going to end up working on my relationship with men.

[00:18:20] Krystal Holm: Well, I mean, I'd hired the coach on purpose. I wanted to work on my relationship with men. I had been, like I said, I'd been on my personal development journey for several years of healing, myself and healing, my relationship with women right.

Healing my relationship with myself as a woman. Right. I had a lot of hate injury to myself because I was female. Right. Like there was just a foundational stuff in there that was very, very basic but I was very intentional about okay. I, I really wanted, relationship. I'd been single for a long time.

I really wanted to find love also, but I knew that I had to heal my relationship with, so I'd hired a coach. I was working with a coach for a whole year. Right. It was like a big mastermind and all these women were in, it were from all over the world. And my career was taking off. And so I'd started, I'd studied fengshui

I was starting to kind of like do this little side business thing with the fengshui. Cause I was working as an interior designer. But like I was doing the side business. And so that's what I had offered to them. Like let's fengshui your place and help you find love. Like, let's get the energy into alignment so that we can make it easier and make the flow happen.

And as I was coaching them with, because like I said, we were all long distance, so it was all video chatting. Right. It wasn't like what I was used to as a designer being face-to-face and in the house myself. Right. It was trying to figure out how do I do it in this long distance space. And they were all getting stuck in the same stuff, like decluttering, what they had.

Like they would all get stuck there. And so I was just sort of coaching them through it, like, and I was hearing what they were saying and like taking it in. Feeding it back to them of, cause I'd never been stuck with clutter. Right. Decluttering was easy for me. I didn't really have a problem when I first learned about fengshui it was really kind of confusing.

I'd tried to implement it, but I wasn't still wasn't sure. So I was kind of figuring that part out, but the clutter was easy. They were just so stuck all the time. And so I was really coaching them through it and wow, this is fascinating. So I was diving into that psychology piece. Even deeper. That's where I really started diving into like, what is she stuck in?

I found a few books that other people had written on clutter, cause this was, a long time ago. And psychology books on, well, what happens when they're having this, and so I was like almost creating my own degree. Right. I was studying, but it was like, well, I need to find a book on this and let me read this book and I'd always been.

That person, right. I've studied a lot for just what interests me. And so it was and it was almost like my own program, right. That I was digging into, like I needed to know more. And so it was really taking off. I was living in Hawaii at the time. And everybody was everywhere. And so my biggest struggle was time differences.

And so I moved back to the mainland actually. I got a job because I was still trying to like make this work. It was still like a side hustle, right. A part-time business. And so I got this job and that's when I got injured. Yeah. I was injured at work. I was the in-house designer at a furniture store and they actually had me flipping big, heavy handmade hand knotted rugs.

Right. So we had them on display at where I work. And I hurt myself really badly. I tore a tendon in my groin, but it didn't feel that bad at the time. Right. I felt the pop and I heard the pop and I knew I had done something, but I was like, good. It doesn't really hurt. And that's my childhood.

Right. Of push through, go. And I was like, that's okay. I'm good. I'm good. It took me almost a month to finally go to the doctor.

[00:21:48] Damaged Parents: Oh, wow.

[00:21:49] Krystal Holm: Finally admitted that I couldn't just push through, like I was going to need help. I can do it myself, but by then, Walked on it so much that they had a really hard time diagnosing what I had done.

It took them actually almost a year and a half to diagnose it on top of, you know, it was workman's comp. So I had to battle with the insurance company and they never want to pay anything. They've tried to run my doctor off repeatedly. My employer was of course lying about everything because I was doing work that I shouldn't have been doing because they refuse to hire laborers for

this heavy lifting. Right? They have it at two of the other showrooms, but not the one I worked at. So they actually had three people that were injured the month that I was injured. One of them hurt his back and will never walk again. I almost never walked again. I was Technically I couldn't get a wheelchair from the doctor, but I couldn't walk, they just left me on bed rest.

So the best I could do was, get a scooter and do it myself. But they just left me for, I would have never walked again either if I had. And so determined to like I got pissed right after, about a year after the first, even six months, it was like, I'm tired of your version of how this is going to go, right?

This is you are not helping me heal. And I started fighting back, right. Getting a lawyer and getting people on my team that they couldn't be intimidated We're going to fight for this because I felt very much like I did when I was a child, worthless obligation, nobody cared. Nobody cared that I didn't walk again.

My boss didn't care. They were telling lies about me, the five independent medical examiners that they sent me to, to validate their claim. That I was lying yet. None of them cared that I would never walk and they blatantly lied on the paperwork that they submitted saying there was nothing wrong with me.

Literally. I have, reports saying there's nothing wrong with her, except for she's old fat and lazy. And she's mad about you cutting her pay. And I'm like, first of all, they cutting my pay happened a year after my injury. And yeah, I'm pissed off about it, but that has nothing to do with this. And why would you even know, like, you're independent?

How would you know anything about that status at my work? You know, There was a lot going on in there that was like, and I just was like, Nope, I'm done. I'm fighting back. I'm going to get serious about this business, right? I've been wanting to start a business. I've been kind of trying to do it as a side hustle and I'm like, well, I'm going full-time no job is here to interfere with it.

I'm going to just full-time dedicate it to my business. And I did that for about a year and about two years, really.

[00:24:21] Damaged Parents: And this is while you're healing and.

[00:24:23] Krystal Holm: Well, I wasn't healing yet. Right. Because I was still cause even that I wasn't even putting me first yet. I was still putting my business first.

Like I'm stuck on bed rest and I can't go anywhere, but I wasn't, doing anything to heal myself either. Right. I was just sort of sitting there as a victim and putting all my energy into how can I make a business happen? Cause if some point I'm going to have to support myself financially, right.

If, I can't go back to work, right. And nobody's going to help, like I got to do something. So I started with the business. I hired a coach to help me figure out how to, create a business. Cause that's one thing I still didn't know how to do. And she hired me to design her office. Yeah. And so one of the things that she had asked me for was space to do yoga in her office.

And I was sort of like, huh, I've worked as an interior designer for a long time with a lot of entrepreneurs. And a lot of them have different stuff. let me start doing yoga in my space. That will help. I've done yoga before yoga helps my body. Maybe it'll help me again. And so I, fengshui my own place.

Right. And started doing yoga and there was, it did help. it started to slow down the deterioration that was happening. But I was still getting stuck right in my own. Everything my body was, it was still getting worse. It was just slower. Right? My mind was getting stuck because even though I still had all this free time, my business was not taking off.

Like I wanted, I was still having all of this messaging of how worthless I was and how I was really never going to amount to anything still being shoved in my brain constantly. And I was still beating myself up with it because I wasn't overnight successful. Right. Which is what we hear so much. that was when my healing really, really began.

I mean, I'd been on the journey for a long time and I'd done a lot of stuff, but this was sort of now it was like crunch time, right? It's the final exam, crunch time sort of thing. And I really, started applying everything. I knew that I'd been trying to coach other people through. I started applying it to my life.

Right. I went to. I was lucky enough to go to a live event. It was one of the last things I was able to walk for. Before I was kind of not able to do anything else. And my coach challenged me to do 30 days of live streams, right on Facebook. At the time I was still incredibly uncomfortable with video and I was like, everybody started doing it.

And I was like, hold on. I want to make this useful, like, I don't just want to get on Facebook for 30 days and talk just so that I get comfortable. Like, I want it to be useful for other people who are listening. So I actually went home and it was, the end of April. And I decided to make this 30 day spring cleaning thing for the month of may.

And so I created this 30 day challenge and I literally did it with them every day. And I started like decluttering and I started and I was talking on my live streams the same way I had been coaching my first group of clients. Right. And I was doing it to myself as I was like, all right, well, this is a box that we got to unclutter, and this is.

mess And I started getting it right. It started to really sink in, not just at a, like a mental level, but like at a cellular level, I started like getting it in a wholly different way. And it was sort of, that was really, I think, where I created, even my method, how I used to work with clients was less structured than how it's like, oh, this is how we really.

I really did it myself. I turned my space into this 3d sort of vision board. I had a vision of, I want to be able to walk again. I want to be able to be healed physically, mentally, emotionally, I'm over this. And I, created a space for that to happen. And, and it worked and then other people started asking me like, you helped me do it.

Right. And can you help me do this and get me? And all of a sudden it was sort of like. The designed life method was born, right? Like how I work with clients. And what's the system of, I wanted to design my space for a woman who would be able to walk and now I can. And so it was a very much just this developing of my method and now I just be able to use it to help my clients create.

The space that is for their future self. Like who are they becoming and how do we design the space? Like, who do you even want her to be? you kind of got to start at a, very different point of it. It just changed how I designed. Right. And how I, because before that, I'd always been like, you know, I'd sit down with clients and be like, all right, what did, what do we want?

And like, how are we doing this? and I started really realizing like, Does that name for who you are now versus designing for who you want to become and who do we need to make room for in this space? It literally changed everything about how, like,

[00:28:54] Damaged Parents: how you even approached it,

[00:28:56] Krystal Holm: right. Everything about how I approach my work, my clients, my life, just everything.

So it was, it was literally a life altering injury.

[00:29:04] Damaged Parents: Wow. I mean, I love that you can look back at the injury and in some ways be grateful. it gave you what you have, now.

[00:29:13] Krystal Holm: It gave me what I've been working for my whole life.

[00:29:15] Damaged Parents: Yeah. Which is a lot, I mean, but it took that. It's almost like that was the bottom for you that, how do I. Become what, I guess that's the question. How do I become?

[00:29:28] Krystal Holm: And that was what I had been searching for. Always how do I do it? How do I do it? How do I do it? Right? Because I'd always been trying to become something different, somebody different. I knew what I didn't want to become. I didn't know necessarily what I wanted to become.

I just knew what I didn't want to become. I didn't want to be like my mother. I didn't want to be anything like her.

[00:29:46] Damaged Parents: Yeah.

[00:29:47] Krystal Holm: So it was just who I had my step-mom and I wanted to be some like her right. There's parts of her that I didn't want to be. I didn't want to be racist. I didn't want to be racist. I didn't want to be but then I would meet other women and I would, and I would be like, oh, you know, I had a best friend in high school.

I want to be just like her. Right. I would meet women that I would Meyer and I would look at them and just be like, what, what do I want, what can I take? Right. Like things that you're supposed to learn from your mother of how to be as an adult woman. I didn't want to be like her, so I just was like, oh, I want to be like her.

I want to be like her. I want to be like her. And then it was like, what part? That was always my question. I would ask, like how, like she would explain that. How, how do I do it?

[00:30:29] Damaged Parents: And I bet even those answers about how we're elusive, like just slippery.

[00:30:34] Krystal Holm: Yes. That's always been the struggle for me. Is that the, how was the elusive part? It seemed like nobody could tell me how, even when they tried to tell me how it would just wouldn't sink in and then. It was finally like, oh, like after the fact I was like, oh, okay, now I get it. I had to declutter the baggage.

I had to declutter all the crap that I was curing with. Right. As I started studying right. When I was working with clients and I started really digging into the, clutter and I was coaching them and I started digging into the psychology piece of it. I really started to, get a deep understanding of.

how our space works, right? How funk way works, how our environment works. It is a reflection of everything that we, think and everything that we believe, right? Everything we buy is a reflection of what we think and what we believe everything we own. So our home is literally a mirror for, who we are.

It's also a mirror for who we are becoming, or either becoming someone new, or are we becoming. More of what we are. Right. And so it literally changed the way I design. It changed the way I relate to where I live and how I relate to myself. But it allowed me to take my clients on a different journey and teach them.

It's funny because I've been teaching the same stuff for years and years. And I had a client that I talked to way at the very beginning. In fact, she was a client. That I've met before this healing, my relationship with men journey I'm we went to the same seminar. I hired the coach. She did not. , but we've been friends ever since she hired me.

And she has been using my method of decluttering ever since then, right. What I've developed. She has been right. But I'd never really applied it to me. So yeah. It's funny that it's been

[00:32:22] Damaged Parents: well, and it's almost like a little bit of what I'm hearing is there's part of the journey that people can help with as far as like, talking about that, how and how it was elusive and things like that. And then there's part of the journey that we've just got to go on on our own, like,

[00:32:38] Krystal Holm: yeah, that's sort of what I've discovered is that. And there's nothing against like traditional therapy, but they can't help you. They can only show you the way you literally have to do the work on your own

[00:32:50] Damaged Parents: I think most good therapists will tell you that.

[00:32:52] Krystal Holm: Yes. Yes. But they, often what we need most is just somebody to show us the way. Yeah, it took me years to forge this path. Right. Because I was doing it on my own of, well, here's a book and oh, that's happened years ago. This is some good stuff and here's a little nugget and a little nugget and just let me put it all together.

And that's, I think why it has taken me, so long at the same token, if I had had, I did have people along the way that shortened the journey and gave me those little nuggets. Right. but everyone's path is different. It's just a matter of. Developing something right. that I can give to you and say, and then you can take it and, do the work yourself.

Right. That was literally what my journey was. It was about birthing that process. Right. And saying, oh, Because it's all a DIY project right here, stuff healing is all it's self healing.

[00:33:44] Damaged Parents: So quite literally, right.

[00:33:47] Krystal Holm: But if somebody else can teach you what to do and how to do it, It just makes it that much faster

[00:33:53] Damaged Parents: or, yeah, it just, I liked how you said it earlier pointing the way and they can show you and still it's up to you if you go down that journey.

[00:34:03] Krystal Holm: Yes.

[00:34:03] Damaged Parents: Okay. I know we are. At the end of our time, I have just been thoroughly enjoying our conversation. But what if someone is in that place, they're thinking. They want to make some changes. And what would be the top three tools or tips you would say, maybe think about this, maybe do this now, as far as like guiding tips

[00:34:24] Krystal Holm: for starting their healing journey,

[00:34:26] Damaged Parents: That, or in fengshui, whichever way you want to go, or maybe you want to put some of both, I'm not sure.

[00:34:32] Krystal Holm: Well, they will

start in the same place and it starts with your clutter. Right. your home is a reflection of you. Your home is a reflection of your thoughts and your beliefs and everything in it is a reflection of your thoughts and beliefs. So really if you declutter the thoughts and the beliefs that you don't want.

Right. We're able to, get rid of them, right. De-clutter them and remove them from the equation so that once we release them, we can move on with a clean slate and we can really start to create something different. Right. We can get the energy flowing in your space. I actually have, I have it's part of my framework.

Multiple frameworks that I use inside of my main framework so that we can get through the different parts, but I like to give it as a free gift, the decluttering part, because it is the first part. You can download it at https://declutteryourmindset.com and it's my five step method to go through to declutter

your physical space, as well as your mental and emotional clutter, it'll take you through the steps of decluttering, both so that you kind of have a clean state to work with, to start really building your foundation, right? Building that future of who are you going to become, right. You have to let go of who you are and it starts with decluttering.

All of the stuff that we don't want. That's my best tool really. And then, we can build on that. I know you mentioned my YouTube channel at the very top of the hour, and there's a lot of free content there that will build on this decluttering, but you have to start there. you absolutely have to start there because we have to unpack, what's keeping us stuck.

So that we can really step forward into what's next.

[00:36:13] Damaged Parents: Oh,

that's beautiful. I love it. Thank you so much, Krystal Holm for coming on the show. That's K R Y S T A L Holm, H O L M. You can find her on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and that her website, https://krystalholm.com. And she's really cool and easy to talk to.

So I highly recommend checking her out. Thank you so much for coming on.

[00:36:38] Krystal Holm: Thank you, Angela. It has been my pleasure to be here. So I hope you, I hope everybody got something out of, this too.

[00:36:44] Damaged Parents: Well, I know why I did.

[00:36:47] Krystal Holm: That's what matters. That's one person. So there we go.

[00:36:50] Damaged Parents: Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We have really enjoyed talking to Krystal about how she was able to function the way her life and get out of the wheelchair. We especially liked when she spoke about how she started working with her friends. To unite with other damaged people, connect with us on Twitter. Look for damaged parents. We'll be here next week still relatively damaged see you then