S2E3: Liz Green - The Unexpected Entrepreneur

In 2013, Liz had a minor medical procedure go wrong. It left her with nerve damage and chronic pain. The pain was awful, but so was her loss of identity in losing her career. Since then, she's had to figure out how to work, challenge herself, earn money, and feel fulfilled while working around health issues.

Liz Green is now the editor and book coach behind Green Goose Writing. She's written 16 books, taught college writing classes, and edited countless manuscripts to help people tell their stories. She works with those who want to write a book to inspire others but are stuck trying to get the words on the page. Through one-on-one coaching and powerful group courses, she helps them finally finish their book and feel proud of sharing their words with the world.

Social media and contact information: 

https://greengoosewriting.com
liz@greengoosewriting.com
https://www.facebook.com/lizgreengoosewriting

Podcast Transcript

[00:00:00] Damaged Parents: Welcome back to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. Today, we have Liz Green with us. She is the editor and book coach behind Green Goose Writing. She's written 16 books taught college writing classes and edited countless manuscripts to help people tell their stories.

[00:00:17] She works with those who want to write a book to inspire others that are stuck. Trying to get the words on the page Through one-on-one coaching and powerful group courses, she helps them finally finish their book and feel proud of sharing their words with the world.

[00:00:32] You can find her at https://greengoosewriting.com, Liz, welcome to the show.

[00:00:39] Liz Green: Thank you, Angela. I'm looking forward to talking.

[00:00:42] Damaged Parents: Yeah. It's always fun to start these conversations with people and, you know, There's something special about connecting even online for just a few? What feels like only a few moments when we talk that it's just so inspiring to me and I believe that listeners too, like to walk away from these podcasts, I really feel like I always have more insight and a little more.

[00:01:10] Okay. I can handle the world today.

[00:01:13] Liz Green: And I find sometimes, you know, I've been listening to the podcast as well, and you get to. Hear conversations that we don't always have in our everyday lives with the people around us. And it's refreshing and interesting and gives you the chance to think about things in a slightly different way sometimes. So I've been apart of that.

[00:01:35] Damaged Parents: I have to ask you. So now that you've been listening, since I know this, what have, when you look around at the people around you, does it, has it shifted at just a little bit and maybe there's a little more grace or a little more something.

[00:01:52] Liz Green: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And I think this is a revelation that comes in degrees. I remember, you know, you and I are going to talk about when I got sick, but when I did get sick, I remember going back home to England I live in Canada and born and waste in England. I remember going back home and schedule with some old classmates who I hadn't seen in, I don't know, a decade. And before dinner, my mum said to me, what's wrong. You seem angsty, seem anxious. And I just burst out in tears. And I said to her, my life is falling apart. I can't do anything. I'm sick. I'm not working. I have nothing to show for myself and I'm going to go see these people and. That lives have gone on and mine's stuck. my mom sat me down and said, They've got their own stuff going on too, you know? Yes. You've got hard, difficult, unique things going on in your life, but some of they, you know, you, you're not the only one who might be feeling stressy right now, or feeling like you're not showing up the way you want to. And it was such a weight lifted to be like, oh Yeah. we're all a little bit damaged, like you say. And so that was my first kind of revelation. And then the more you hear stories, like the ones we hear on this podcast, the more you kind of open up to that idea and it does go on you that extra grace for yourself and for other people. And just makes it feel a little bit lighter. I think when you can remember that,

[00:03:29] Damaged Parents: Yeah. Like the world somehow gets lighter and things aren't as heavy as they, as they used to be, even though the topics are heavy.

[00:03:39] Liz Green: Yeah. And is a bit messed up. Maybe to think that there's some lightness realizing that everyone's dealing with heavy stuff. but I guess it's that kind of comradery in that feeling that you're not alone or that you're not, you know, the freak, the only weird one out there dealing with stuff.

[00:03:54] Damaged Parents: Yeah, even though it feels like it. So it's even in the midst of that struggle, it just feels. Lonely. And even though, and I think even sometimes hearing the podcast might be helpful and yet, sometimes that loneliness will still sneak in because it's still, and maybe that loneliness is part of that. The journey.

[00:04:17] I don't know. What was your experience like in your journey with that sense of I'm alone?

[00:04:25] Liz Green: That's a really interesting question because. Looking back. I can see that when I got sick and I eventually went off, work on sick leave, or even prior to that, I did feel very aligned because my colleagues didn't understand what was going on. I didn't understand what was going on, so I couldn't help them understand. And then I went off sick and I was literally alone?

[00:04:49] in my house in the day. And I didn't recognize it for what it was because I was so wrapped up in the moment. And I think that's what happens often when you're going through some kind of trauma, whatever it may be. You're in survival mode. You're just focusing on the moment and you don't maybe notice. Oh, this is loneliness. I'm lonely. I need the antidote is to connect with others and you, maybe you don't even have the energy to do that, even if he did realize it. So yeah, there was a lot of loneliness for me, but I didn't notice it for what it was at the time. And it was only as I started to kind of shore myself up in other areas, you know, work on my house, work on my energy or my, you know, emotion, not being So, damn depressed that I started to have the ability to pay attention, to notice that no loneliness and to work on it.

[00:05:46] Damaged Parents: So, what I heard you say is that in a lot of ways, it took going down these other roads of health and wellness, that then you were able to identify, oh, this was loneliness and then do something about it. But it wasn't like you could recognize that it was loneliness and address it head on. If you will.

[00:06:08] It's almost like you had to do the crab walk sideways.

[00:06:12] We're calling these other things.

[00:06:15] Liz Green: Think of it is, you know, if loneliness is this plate that I'm trying to smash, but I didn't have the energy to just slam it down and smash it. So I had to chip away at all these other little things.

[00:06:28] before I could, get to break into the loneliness. So, you know, I had to chip away at, Strengthening my body by going for a 10 minute walk, you know, I had to chip away at dealing with being depressed or, all of these other little elements because I didn't have it in me to handle that big issue. And I think that's okay. You know, if you do have it in you to handle whatever's big is going on in your life. That's great, but we don't always have that, but if we can make progress in other areas as a angles, and sometimes that will indirectly give you what you need to handle. The biggest thing.

[00:07:09] Damaged Parents: Yeah. The, when you just described that, what I was thinking of was loneliness is the top of the pyramid and conquering getting to the top of the pyramid is just impossible without addressing all of these little things down here, because you don't have the strength to climb, to transcend. The pyramid. And instead, if you can chip away at the bottom or take one step at a time, whichever way you want to look at it.

[00:07:37] So either the loneliness comes down because we're chipping away, right. Or we climb up and then we have now, because we've done all that work below. Maybe we have the tools. To deal with it. When we get, then we will have the tools actually to deal with it when we get there, but heading out the gate right out, it is virtually impossible.

[00:08:01] I would think.

[00:08:02] Liz Green: Yeah. Yeah. That's a great way to think of it is if those little steps that you take along the way, and I think that's kind of comforting to know that you don't know. To take this massive leap right off the bat and deal with, you know, the big thing you can just take little steps and this may even be the better way to do it. I like that, that, that feels comforting to me.

[00:08:22] Damaged Parents: oh, now, I mean, you are an author and an editor. I mean, everything books I'm thinking there's already inside of you. Part of you is already an interim. and so am I right in that or, or no? Are you like one of those really extroverted writers?

[00:08:46] Liz Green: It's interesting. I used to be very, very, very extroverted. I was always the loudest one in the bar, the center of the party and I still liked that part of me very much. But when I did get sick, I became more introverted over the years and I think today I'm more balanced, which I think really helps me with a lot of my clients because it's a bit coach and editor

[00:09:12] I work. Cause a lot of writers write is ours. Do you generally tend to lean more introverted? So I think I have this good balance where I can. The introverted energy and scare away anyone who is super introverted, but I've got that better. That extroversion, where I can pull things out of people and kind of move them maybe a little bit out of their comfort zone, but not in too much of a scary way. So I think I've got a good balance for working with a lot of introverted people. Cause you're right. That does tend to be that author stereotype.

[00:09:48] Damaged Parents: Yeah, I guess that was a bias showing up for me right there in that question, I will admit it, but sometimes that's why I have to check it like, is this, you know, is this, and I think also. That it's helpful to check it is, am I on the right track? How am I doing in, in making this judgment? Is this judgment even one that makes sense.

[00:10:14] You know, and, and I think sometimes when we go on those journeys, Figuring that out, like, well, is this loneliness and can I address it now? Or do I need to chip away? You know, am I an extrovert or am I an introvert maybe right now I need to be an introvert. I don't know. Maybe that just shift is lonely because it's, I'm the only one who can make that shift, but that's, what's happening in my life.

[00:10:37] You know, there's just so much out there that happens inside of us that we don't really talk about.

[00:10:45] Liz Green: And you add there's so much power in questioning things, just putting that question out and maybe something comes of it and maybe it doesn't, but you're giving yourself the opportunity to see things.

[00:10:56] Damaged Parents: Yeah, exactly. Okay. So your injury, cause I really do want to get to what had happened, cause I want to hear your struggle. So it was in 2013 that you had a minor, just a minor medical procedure. I mean, how minor are we talking about?

[00:11:11] Liz Green: Just in the doctor's office, in the family doctor's office, no big deal. And they said to me, you can expect to have about two weeks of pain discomfort, pretty minor. We're not even going to prescribe you any painkillers. You know, you can just take over the counter painkillers for a couple of weeks, if you need them. You'll probably be fine. And they did the procedure and there was a lot of bleeding, a little bit. This, you know, when the doctors brown gets really furrowed and yes, no, everything's fine. But you can see they're really concentrating hard, but that was fine. And I went back home and take my painkillers for a couple of weeks. And then a couple more weeks, I feel. I'm hurting. I have pain. This isn't going away. And after about four weeks, I went back to the doctor and she said, oh, that's weird. Yeah.

[00:12:11] maybe here's a couple of prescription pain killers. And the long story short is that the pain just never went away. Doctors have a lot still to discover about pain and chronic pain. But essentially they think that during the procedure, there was some nerve damage that occurred. Which basically meant that the nerves in my body was sending pain signals to the brain saying something's going wrong here. You know, we need to be in pain when in fact nothing was going well and my body had healed properly, but the nerves were freaking. Because they had had that damage and they were still sending pain signals. So it was only, there was nothing actually wrong with my body. I was experiencing pain and it didn't go away and it didn't go away. It didn't go away. And In the end, the doctors gave me the title of chronic pain, which is kind of a bullshit title.

[00:13:08] Cause it just means pain that doesn't stop. It's not, you know, an actual diagnosis or a cause, but you basically have to learn to manage those pain signals and manage your body through the pain. Or at least that's what the situation was for me. And I ended up Pain is interesting because chronic pain weighs you down in a way that acute pain doesn't.

[00:13:32] So we all know what it feels like to have a headache or to, you know, break your arm or to get a burn and you have pain and that sucks. But when you have it ongoing and it doesn't let up, it really wears you down in a really destructive way. And in the end between the doctor's appointments and the. Pain itself and know, other various thing appointments and so on. I ended up going on sick, leave from work and trying all sorts of different medications and treatments. And the doctors just kept upping the opioid painkillers, which caused their own problems as well. And. I eventually was admitted to the Calgary chronic pain center, where they did a cognitive behavioral therapy and occupational therapy and yoga.

[00:14:26] And you met every day with different types of doctors to deal with different elements. And it's really intensive treatment. I got accepted into a trial Medication program. And eventually I started to get a better handle on the pain. I started to figure out how to work with my body, so that if I was feeling good, I wouldn't overdo it. If I was feeling bad, I wouldn't call up into a ball and cry, but it's still managed to do some things. I learnt how to live with the pain and then do a few things to reduce the pain as well.

[00:15:01] And I eventually got to a point where. My brain was starting to come back to life a little bit. I was kind of out of that immediate survival mode and coming back to life a little bit and wondering what to do is myself and I wasn't one enough to go back to work. I used to work as an events manager, very kind of physical work, mentally intensive work. Couldn't do it. It just wasn't reliable enough, but I wanted to do something And I started to help others way. And that was in 2016. I started to get to the point where I was well enough to think about. To feel bored at home, basically to think about what to do with myself next. And I started to write an estate to do those books and start my business. And now here we are in 2022, as we were could. And like you said, Hey, I've written 16 books. I have books, coaching clients. I teach writing lessons and classes. I still don't work. Full-time I probably. To about half the hours I used to before I got sick, but I'm able to have a full-time know, full business that I love. That makes me feel good. That gives me the freedom to take time off when I am sick and when I need to nap or a doctor's appointment or whatever.

[00:16:17] And I've kind of rebuilt this new life on the other side as an entrepreneur. Writing my own time and my business and my health in ways that I never imagined possible, it was a bit of a slug to get hit, but it's totally different world to the one that I left before I got sick.

[00:16:36] Damaged Parents: Yeah. And it sounds what you were describing about the high highs and the low lows. Like that, that you would experience with chronic pain and how, how you came out of that. It makes me think of the word pacing and that's what I call it anyway in my world is learning what I can do. And knowing that it is enough, but it is really hard, I think in the work world too.

[00:17:06] I don't think there's room. Inside of, corporations and things like that for people to figure out how to pace.

[00:17:16] Liz Green: Yeah.

[00:17:17] Damaged Parents: yeah, it's frustrated and it's disappointing too, because I just wonder, I mean, what great things could look at all the great things you can do. I mean, what would happen if there was some support in the workplace?

[00:17:31] Behind that. And, and I know, you know, I try to think of like employers, like what would an employer do? Okay. They've got someone who's injured. Okay. That's already frustrating because they can't get, you know, now X, Y, and Z is not going to get done and how to be, how, how an employer might be okay with that.

[00:17:53] Right. And, and that's something you've had to learn. So if that's something you've had to learn in, in your new career, if you will. Yeah. Entrepreneurship, new career. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How would you, how do you cope with that? It's just you, and let's say on a client calls or, or you have an appointment, but you overdid it somehow and you need to take that break.

[00:18:21] What happens inside of you and how do you deal with that?

[00:18:25] Liz Green: That's a really good question, because a lot of the. Elements that come into play. When you're an employee still exist. When you're running your own show, you know, you want to do a good job. You feel guilty when you can't show up the way you want to. Well, I shouldn't, I shouldn't say you, I speak from my own experience.

[00:18:46] I feel guilty when I can't be there the way I want to be. And sometimes I feel resentful of the illness. I feel resentful of, you know, this thing that happened to me and it can be easy to slip into that kind of victim mentality where you feel like these things are happening to you and you don't have control over your I have your life, your energy, your pain, or what have you. And it's really interesting because I work with a lot of people. A lot of people who come to work as me, they've been through some kind of trauma in their life. And now they're at a point where they've done a lot of work to kind of. He'll or maybe here is too strong a word, but to come back from it, to understand it, to move on and now they want to share their insights with someone else.

[00:19:39] And people always say to me, if I could help one person who's going through what I experienced, it would all be worth it. so I have a lot of shared ground with my clients in that?

[00:19:51] way, because I have that. Feeling where I want to help other people who have gone through some kind of big thing in their life, a trauma, you know, big trauma or a little trauma or some kind of disruption or something that happened to them where they did feel like the victim And now they want to help others.

[00:20:17] So we have that shared common ground. so it's really nice in that. You know, I get to choose my own people I work for as, and I've chosen to work with people who share that feeling of wanting to almost kind of pass the Baton and help others. So I am able to say, you know what I need, I need an extra few days let's reschedule and they can say the same to me too.

[00:20:39] And you know, you obviously want to keep your boundaries and make sure you're showing up as much as you can, but there's. There's a whole different vibe to when I was working in corporate, at least, and I noticed not true of every corporation, but when you get to set the terms and the vibe of your own work and your own, you know, I find a naturally attract people to work with me who. Oh, I'm the same way Flint. Cause they like the way that I show up and the way that I teach writing and the way that I talk about writing. So it becomes a, non-issue really kind of ended up creating this wall for yourself, where it's not an issue anymore. And that's really amazing. And it's not something you can always find if you're not creating your own world. I think this is why I ended up working with a lot of people who There might be starting a coaching business, or they might have gone back to school to learn, to be a therapist, or perhaps they took a yoga teacher training course, , and now they want to build something for themselves based on whatever it is that they've been through and come out the other end of they're now looking, what can I do with that?

[00:21:47] What can I, how can I use that to inform. My well going forward until you do something positive with my world going forward. And so, yeah, a lot of people that I work with are starting their own businesses in various different ways and sharing their story is part of.

[00:22:05] Damaged Parents: so it sounds like what you're telling me is that you're able to be more gentle with yourself and because you've created this, I almost want to say support group of, but it's not like you've, you've surrounded yourself with people who. Understand and know that you don't want to let them down.

[00:22:28] And because of that, then maybe you have some mutually agreed upon expectations that this will get done. It just might not always look exactly the same as it did before, I guess in how you show up.

[00:22:44] Liz Green: I think that's spot on. And it's interesting when you circle that I hadn't thought of it as creating your own support group, but it kind of, isn't a way, , as you know, the professional rater the coach. I'm there to support my clients, but in many ways they do support me back because we are trying to do this thing where you want to pay it forward.

[00:23:06] You want to add something positive to the world you want to. Put something out into the world that outlives you, you want to help others who are going to see what you've been through. And we all kind of have that common ground. So we do end up.

[00:23:21] being supportive of each other and being gentle with each other, like you said, and having that little of give that comes from knowing that you're amongst your, your, people, your tribe.

[00:23:34] Damaged Parents: Yeah, I just think that's a beautiful and I'm again, I know this isn't that I know I'm kind of off, off topic a little bit, but I'm still trying to figure out how, how employers could really benefit from. Working with people who have disabilities or chronic illnesses, like, what you have, because I think at this point in time, it's almost like if one has to go out and be an entrepreneur, if they've got a chronic pain or a disability that is unpredictable and things like that.

[00:24:09] And I'm wondering how much employers are missing out.

[00:24:14] like how much is being missed out on, because someone is different than the rest, you know, like I, that almost just reminded me of Sesame street, you know, what's it.

[00:24:32] Liz Green: Definitely this wealth of talent and experience that gets missed out on when employees. Able to support people with disabilities or people who show up differently to the rest of the workplace. And it's so tricky. I know for me, it was absolutely true that I couldn't have done my job with my health the way it was. And. I had never saw or considered entrepreneurship. I thought it sounded too hard, actually took too much work and it wasn't until the second sentence has pushed me into it, that it ended up that I took that route and it ended up being the best thing I could have done. But for people who are dealing with employees, I think the real struggle comes because we can't expect others to understand what we're going through. Just off the bat. I mean, it would be nice, but it's just not realistic. They just can't if they haven't been there. Right. So unfortunately then the onus comes on us to help them understand. Which is a really lousy position to be in when you're already dealing with being sick. And now you have to explain it to others. And I know at the beginning, I couldn't, I really didn't have the language to talk about it. I was in a state of constant panic, you know, that fight or flight response. It didn't know what was teased. The dope has, didn't know how to diagnose me. So I didn't know how to tell anyone else about what was going on. I was also embarrassed to talk about it because I felt like it kind of is failing at what? So I didn't do a good job of talking to my employer about it. And. There was a time when I would be up on myself for that and say, you should have done that, but now I can see that I couldn't have done better. And it, it's not a judgment on me that I didn't do a better job of it because I wasn't able to at the time. And that's okay. But I think, you know, if we are able to talk to others about what we're experiencing, then we can help them. Understand and accommodate and do what's needed for us to be able to show up and still, you know, make ourselves proud of doing a good job, you know, do a good, like legit good job as an employer, you know, regardless of your ability status. It just kinda sucks that the onus is on us to kind of share that with other people. But it's hard for others to understand when they really don't know what's going on. So

[00:27:11] Damaged Parents: Yeah.

[00:27:12] Liz Green: think it's important to sit with it and try and figure out. Is there a way I can talk about this? How could I do that? What am I able to do right now? And if you're not able to do it, that's okay. Because you've probably got enough on your plate as it hits.

[00:27:30] Damaged Parents: Yeah, because I'm thinking, one of the things you said was, you know, with chronic pain is that panic mode. If you were almost in panic and that makes me think of, , well, all this is great in dandy. Yes. We want to talk about it. Yes. We want to share it at the beginning, getting, I think when things are.

[00:27:51] Rapidly changing or I've already rapidly changed. And you know, living day to day, life gets really hard that in panic mode thinking becomes a problem decision making too. Right.

[00:28:07] Liz Green: Yeah. And that's shown in research as well that your cognitive processing abilities diminish when you're under stress. And you know, when you're in, getting a new diagnosis or. Weird and you don't know what's going on, you stress. Right. And so literally your brain isn't working as well. So you can't expect too. much of yourself.

[00:28:30] You're absolutely right. Um, So there's this real kind of balancing act to finding compassion for yourself or where you're at in the moment and trying to figure things out. But I think in my experience that came a kind of. Tipping point where I went from being in that immediate, fast panic mode to this kind of realization that, all right, so this isn't just a short term thing.

[00:29:00] This has gone on a bit longer now. I still don't have it figured out but, I can start to think about things more broadly now. And it was um, shifting and the thing that's important to note, there was a shifting where things moved from that immediate panic to thinking about how can I move on or what can I do now? And I like remembering that because it reminds me that things aren't static things. Aren't always the same things when things are bad, doesn't mean they're going to stay that bad. And I really appreciate remembering, you know, looking back. So continue, remembering looking back on that panic time and seeing the shifts that have come. And because when I was there, it felt so dark and. It wouldn't change. And, you know, doctors were using words like chronic and lifetime and long-term, and these are words, scary words that make you think that things will never change. And perhaps you will never, you know, get better, but it doesn't mean that things are always going to be exactly the same. And, you know, I'm reminded that every day in my work as well, when people are writing about the traumas and the things that they've been through, and they're able to write about it. Things didn't stay the same. They were able to move on and see some light and find some perspective and have something now to share and to say about that. So I think that's a really beautiful thing to know that even if you're in that moment Right.

[00:30:35] now, it's not going to be like that forever.

[00:30:39] Damaged Parents: Yeah, and that is one of the hardest things to remember, I think, right. that we are changing, that we can change and. Something, you said where my there's a parable out there and I'm going to butcher it a little bit, but I think it was a king who, you know, experienced really great times and then experienced really bad times.

[00:30:59] And, you know, so the, the rollercoaster effect, right, that you were talking about, even with the pain, too, right. There was this rollercoaster effect with pains up real high highs and the very low lows. And so anyway, they came. Had, I don't remember who, who made it, but, but someone made something. I think it was a ring that he could wear that said this too shall pass.

[00:31:23] So that in the high highs and in the lows, he could remember things were going to change and that it was going to be okay.

[00:31:31] Liz Green: Yes. I've heard that phrase. This too shall pass. I. didn't know where it came from.

[00:31:36] Damaged Parents: I love the story I do. I do it's but I think also with casing and with all of that inner work, that it sounds like you've done like those high highs and those low lows don't maybe get as high, as high or as low, or maybe the highest get high. And they're super exciting. But the lows don't get so low.

[00:31:59] So it's more of of even, well, let me, let me just say like sailing, it's a peaceful day on the seas instead of raging storm.

[00:32:10] Liz Green: Yeah, definitely. There is that sense of Calm and you still feel all the things and you have good days and you have bad days, but the bad days are not the end of the world anymore, where they did use to be. And the good days I don't have that frantic energy about them There's more of a sense of calmness around them and it's because they don't feel so scarce, I think, you know, so you don't feel, it doesn't feel so fleeting or like, I must grab hold of good thing about this day and not like go and I must remember working environment and I must take all the pictures and I can't forget my son's mother. It's not that I think he kind of strangled energy around the good times I had that.

[00:32:54] Damaged Parents: Yeah, I could not thought about it that way. I'm so glad you brought that up because. Maybe that's why in those good moments, it would be so easy to overdo it and then crash. Because if I, if, oh, if I don't hold on to this, then I'm never going to have it again. And then of course we prove ourselves right.

[00:33:15] By overdoing it and crashing the next day. Right.

[00:33:19] Liz Green: Becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

[00:33:22] Damaged Parents: So true. Okay. So if someone is experiencing what you went through, maybe they're at the beginning of their journey. What are three tips or tools that you say, maybe try this.

[00:33:33] Liz Green: Yeah, I've been thinking about this because I need you again to ask me. And I think my tips until my three, I want to post three question that.

[00:33:46] Damaged Parents: Oh, I like this.

[00:33:47] How exciting three questions instead of tips, which might just be tips after. Oh,

[00:33:52] Liz Green: Yeah. The questions, because one thing that I did find going through this journey that we haven't really touched on, but I found. Angry a lot of the time or frustrated, or was had all these really negative things coming up because it was, you know, a negative situation, you know, it's no surprise. And I think, and I see this with my clients all the time as well, regardless of what kind of trauma they've been through, whether it's, you know, health betrayal, Or, you know, abuse or family messed up or the business going under, you know, whatever it is.

[00:34:32] I see the same things coming up again and again, and you have all these negative feelings. So my first question is what's behind those negative feelings. maybe you just feel bad or angry or frustrated, but over to encourage people to go a step deeper and say what's behind that. And for me, it was really a feeling of. Betrayal like betrayal by my body. I felt betrayed by my buddy. I felt blindsided and let down. And you know, there might be more than one thing. You might have a whole list of words that I'd encourage someone to get specific with those words and try and find those more specific words. Blindsided instead of just bad, you know, try and get more specific because then you can see what it is about that situation.

[00:35:27] That's really getting to you. That's really the gut punch and that understanding helps you move on. So that would be question number one. What's really behind how you're feeling. And question number two would be, what would you tell someone else about, about that? Like what do you really want people to know about it?

[00:35:53] Like if it's betrayed, what do you want someone to know about why betrayal is so bad? Or, you know, what, if you could have a private conversation with someone and just let rip, what would you say? So question number two, be what do you really want people to know? About what you're feeling. And then the third question. You can't get to without looking at the other two, but this has been the most powerful. And for me, because for a long time, I knew I felt angry and betrayed and blindsided and all the rest of it. And I knew when I tell other people who were getting this kind of diagnosis specifically, or what have you, but I didn't really know what to do about it.

[00:36:37] I had all these feelings and knew what they were, but I didn't know what. I was just sitting and shoeing in them and feeling them and being miserable with them. And I didn't know where to go from there. So my third question is how would you tell people about this? So you know how you're feeling, you know what you want to say. How do you want to talk to people about this? If you do, perhaps you don't and that's okay too, but maybe you want to sit down and have a cup of coffee in a dark corner of a cafe with someone whisper some things, or maybe you want to stand up on the Ted talk stage and give a big presentation to the whole world. Or maybe, you know, like the people I work with. You want to write a book. You want to sit in a quiet room on your own with your own thoughts and feelings and pass something onto somebody. By writing it into a book, or maybe you just want to tell your kids while you're walking around the grocery store, what it's really been like for you? How do you want to talk about it? So what's really behind what you're feeling and identifying that. And then what do you really want to say about it and how do you wanna talk about it? Those were the questions I would put to someone.

[00:37:53] Damaged Parents: Those are great questions and great questions for just starting the inquiry process. And they think part of the journey, at least for me, is getting to that point where I could even ask the, ask any question, you know, once, once the pain led up,

[00:38:13] Liz Green: and I think you do have. Sometimes push yourself into that point because I did it, it is easy to stay in, stay in whatever mode you're in, whether it's the panic mode or the fear and story for yourself mode or, you know, whatever, whatever it is. This is why I love quick questions. Cause they nudge you forward a little bit.

[00:38:36] They just look gentle, push into something else other than the stage you're currently at, because there is so much more available wherever you are in life. If you keep nudging forward a little bit, it's so much more available to you.

[00:38:49] Damaged Parents: Oh, amazing. Thank you so much Liz Green, which you can find that https://greengoosewriting.com. Thank you so much for coming on the show. I've really enjoyed our conversation.

[00:39:04] Liz Green: Thanks, Angela me too.

[00:39:07] Damaged Parents: Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We really enjoyed talking to Liz about how she learned to really live with chronic pain. We especially liked when she spoke about her unexpected success journey as an entrepreneur. To unite with other damaged people, connect with us on Instagram. Look for damaged parents. We'll be here next week still relatively damaged see you then