S2E27: How to Elevate Life

Michelle Kuei is an international speaker, certified visibility coach, and author who empowers women in building the skill-set of resiliency to overcome tragedy, bounce back, and find purpose in every challenge. She is the Founder of Elevate LifeCoaching and the author of the memoir “Perfectly Normal-an immigrant’s story of making it in America”; an inspirational journey of overcoming adversity after an automobile accident that changed her life trajectory. Michelle was born in Taiwan and grew up in New York, but today she lives in Los Angeles with her orange short-hair cat named ‘Toby’ who is working his way to take over the social media publicity.

Social media and contact information:

http://www.facebook.com/lifecoachingbyelevate
http://instagram.com/elevatelifecoach
http://www.linkedin.com/in/michelle-kuei
http://elevatelifecoaching.org

Podcast transcript

[00:00:00] Damaged Parents: Welcome to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents where creative, imperfect, inspiring people come to learn. Maybe just maybe we're all a little bit damaged. Someone once told me it's safe to assume. 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way. I would venture to say it's closer to 100%.

Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about. In my ongoing investigation of the damaged self. I want to better understand how others view their own challenges. Maybe it's not so much about the damage. Maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it.

There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience? My hero is the damaged person. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side, whole. Those who stared directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover their purpose.

These are the people who inspire me to be more fully me. Not in spite of my trials, but because of them. Let's hear from another hero.

Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advice. The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them.

 Welcome back to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. Today, we have Michelle Kuei with us. She is an international speaker certified visibility coach and author who empowers women in building the skillset of resiliency To overcome tragedy, bounce back and find purpose in every challenge.

I like that idea, guys. She's also the founder of Elevate Life Coaching and the author of the memoir, Perfectly Normal and Immigrant Story of Making it in America and inspirational journey of overcoming adversity after an automobile accident that changed her life trajectory. Michelle was born in Taiwan and grew up in New York.

But today she lives in Los Angeles with her orange short hair cat named Toby, who is working on really taking over social media. I think that's true.

[00:02:31] Michelle Kuei: I think it's true.

for a lot of our fur babies. Especially during the COVID time. Have You noticed?

[00:02:37] Damaged Parents: know, I think so. And, and I love watching those videos too. I can't help myself. It's like, I have to stop.

[00:02:44] Michelle Kuei: Yeah.

[00:02:45] Damaged Parents: It's almost like a sh a very short escape from what's the real world,

[00:02:51] Michelle Kuei: Mm.

[00:02:52] Damaged Parents: know, and I think

[00:02:53] Michelle Kuei: There's something about fur baby. Like they are unconditionally loving. They don't judge. They obviously don't talk back like kids do. So it makes sense right. In a sense, there's just absolutely adorable. And I watch a lot of like fur baby photo and sometime I would ask my audience, Hey, do you guys have dogs or cats, please pose them because.

Every one of us need that moment of escape to just see something that is so pure and natural and unconditionally loving. And I think fur baby. They're really doing a great job in doing that. Maybe, maybe that's.

their life purpose.

[00:03:32] Damaged Parents: Right. Well, and that what a great gift to give people, I think to ask that question, because it, in my mind, I'm thinking that would take me out of my, usually I'm going to, to social media to escape something. And if you ask that question it's oh, yes, I have this life over here. I don't have to live vicariously through everyone else.

Right.

[00:03:55] Michelle Kuei: I feel it's really a great way to ask those empowering question in terms of getting people to think, what is it that you have? What is it that you already own and what are some of the things that you can do rather than focusing on. What's going on, what's wrong. What's missing what's out there.

What can I get more of? So it's a complete two different mindset and you help people to understand that there's so many different way of looking at life and we don't have to look at, just focusing on what's missing. We can actually look at what we already have.

[00:04:29] Damaged Parents: Mm I think what I hear you saying is really transitioning from scarcity mindset to abundance mindset and recognizing that. I have a funny story. So one of the kids said, she was surprised. She was like, wow, I have these really nice purses. And I said, yeah, you have abundance.

And she's like, no I don't. And I'm like, hold on a second. And I just thought, wow, maybe I did that because while we had abundance, financially, we struggled for a long time and, and it took shifting that. And so now I'm watching her through that journey and it's like, oh, My just, if only we could see it in that moment, like, oh, if I had been 20 and seen that I really had abundance, maybe things would be different, but I don't want to depend on that.

I don't want to look back and regret there's.

[00:05:21] Michelle Kuei: I kind of feel like people are on their different journey and the word abundance. I, I would say that I didn't come to that conclusion until I recognized what was I doing wrong? It, yes, there's no right or wrong in doing things. But to me, in the past I would look at.

What was I doing wrong? Why don't I have the money I need? Why don't I have the house I live in? Why don't I have a lot of things, but it wasn't until later that you start to recognize and hearing the word and really, truly understand what does the word abundance mean? Because I think general population, we're still thinking about abundance in the terms of money.

How much are you making? If you're not making a whole lot, then you probably don't have abundance. So I think it's a redefining. What does abundance mean to us personally? Yeah,

[00:06:10] Damaged Parents: Yeah, I, in my mind, I'm thinking of the difference between living from the mind and living from the heart, am I living from the mind where I'm judging and deciding and, comparing my bank accounts or my social media feed to everyone else? Or am I really living. What I'm here to live, in that beautiful experience of life.

And I think you have an amazing story because you were in a car accident. so I'm wondering if you could just fill us in, on, on your story, because I think your story is going to kind of teach us how you got from there to a place of really, it sounds like peace and ease.

[00:06:50] Michelle Kuei: Yeah.

or contentment and fulfillment and I think, you know, looking back. So my journey began when I was 11. I had the car accident when I was 11. And as a result of that car accident I'm permanently disabled. I've always been walking with crutches ever since I left the hospital.

And you know, when I was 15, I came to this country in America. I didn't speak the language. I didn't know how to speak English. And I remember, just learning English itself. It's challenging. I don't know how to converse with people and let alone that I was worrying. Uh, these are metal boots, metal brace that my doctor had told me to wear and look very clunky and they just not very appealing.

And when I go to school, I was in high school already. So when I go to school, there's always. Girls who dress up pretty and I just kind of wanted to be part of that group. I want to be part of them, but number one, I don't speak their language. And number two, I look so different. So I always felt like there was something that was missing and I kind of, Yeah. your podcast name is perfect because I consider myself being damaged.

I had the damaged product of this society of this earth. And how did I get here? And I didn't choose to be born this way. And for a long time, it just doesn't feel like there was a choice. So I'm constantly seeking for what is missing. And I'm constantly trying to keep up in terms of the success in terms of education, in terms of all the things I'm doing, just to prove to myself and to others that I am capable of doing things.

And there's a reason for my being here.

[00:08:31] Damaged Parents: Yeah. And I think too, I just I'm wondering, did you also feel like you've had to overdo on those things because there was or what was perceived as a deficit, which I don't think is a deficit, but at this perceived a socially perceived as a deficit.

[00:08:49] Michelle Kuei: Yes, absolutely. So , it was to the point where even though I had the doctor's degree, I am a doctor of pharmacy is still doesn't feel like I didn't achieve it. It was something that, oh, of course, you go to school and if you study, well, you'd finish the exam. Of course, you're going to get a doctor degree.

So it wasn't something that's connected. I feel that. Uh, Well, maybe not everybody can do this and maybe, there's a reason why I'm doing this. And so I never was able to take the credit for what I have done. So there's people who talk about this imposter syndrome, Right. So there's like controversy around whether imposter syndrome is real or not.

I personally believe imposter syndrome is real. It is real. In terms of the identity, how we identified ourselves to, and in the past, I keep identifying to the imposter syndrome I was living. I feel like I have to prove in order to, be successful or to be considered successful because there's That physical part.

I'm the damaged part.

[00:09:49] Damaged Parents: Right. I just want to make sure I'm understanding. So you had this visible disability and also you had these intelligences and you were able to succeed at great. I mean, you have so many degrees and certificates and it's amazing, right? You've really Taken that seriously, but at the same time, it sounds like you still felt like I'm not good enough because my legs still aren't the way I think they should be.

[00:10:13] Michelle Kuei: And the fact is my legs would never be the way that I wanted to be. Right. My body image will never be seen as normal. I'm always going to be.

4 feet 4 inches tall. I'm never going to grow any inch taller. I'm always going to walk out with my crutches. I'm always going to have to tailor my pants no matter what which shop I go to.

And no matter where I go, this physical image of who I am is going to sit with everybody. And that's how everybody are seeing me. They're not going to see the intelligence of me, until I tell them, Hey, look, I'm a doctor. and here's what I accomplished here. My certification, what they're going to see is the external image of who I am.

[00:10:59] Damaged Parents: Okay. So that brings up a whole nother thing. Like since COVID came and we're spending all this time online, at least for me, As you know, I have braces on my hands. I have the problems with my legs. Like people don't see my hands in the screen. I don't see your legs. Have you experienced a change in how people treat you?

Since we're, we've mostly been on zoom for quite some time.

[00:11:24] Michelle Kuei: Interestingly, I haven't, I have noticed that no matter how people are seeing me, they see me the same way they're listened to me. They're, absorbing the intellectual aspects of who I am. And until I share the fact that I walk with crutches and people would be in awe and it would be like an additional.

Inspiration for them on top of the intellectual wisdom I'm sharing on zoom or on podcasts or anywhere I go. So it's interesting how this physical appearance or the first impression can shift our perspective of the story that we live in.

[00:12:02] Damaged Parents: Right. So I, think what I thought I heard you say was that you didn't notice a difference between in-person versus zoom. And so what I think I'm hearing you saying is this, as long as you open up and have these conversations, people really don't care if you have a disability, as long as you are owning it.

And this is who I am. Yes, my legs don't work. Right. They don't really care.

[00:12:26] Michelle Kuei: Nobody cares.

[00:12:28] Damaged Parents: They really, they really don't. They really, they really don't. I mean, I don't know everyone's phone, get somebody looking at me, but you know, I think it's neat to have someone else. I think they only care in my mind when I cared,

[00:12:42] Michelle Kuei: Yes.

[00:12:43] Damaged Parents: it mattered now that I don't care as much.

They don't care as much. Now that I see me, they see me like, isn't that interesting, especially with disabilities and acquired disabilities,

[00:12:56] Michelle Kuei: And I think a lot of people, so I'm hesitate to use the word disability. I don't know if in your experience, cause a lot of people avoid using disability with me

and. Yeah. So when they, when every time I go out, they don't want to use disability, they would describe, oh, you're different. They hesitate to use the word disability and in the past, you know, I know there's a lot of controversial about, using handicap because it's the word that triggers a lot of that emotion.

Right. But like you said, it, they only matter if , you let them matters in your mind.

[00:13:29] Damaged Parents: Yeah. The only one that I do have trouble with the word disabled. Not disability though, because disability is implying that there is one ability that is, that doesn't work. Whereas disabled seems like this final you're non operable . And I think that because of how we learn English and what this means.

And Abel means. And by putting that together and how we disable alarms and things like that, there is this additional bias. That those of us with disabilities have to overcome when we're using the word disabled on paperwork and government stuff. You know, Things like that. I don't know. What are your thoughts? .

[00:14:10] Michelle Kuei: My biggest trigger word was disability in the sense that when they said, when they described me, oh, it's that this disability woman over there, or is that, is that woman over there? So they almost identify, put a label of disability on me. I didn't really get the disable portion of it because I don't consider it.

Like you said, I don't consider myself disabled.

[00:14:34] Damaged Parents: Right.

[00:14:35] Michelle Kuei: am not, I'm not like a machine, you disabled something where you dismantle something.

[00:14:39] Damaged Parents: I think that's why I have a problem. That's why I have a problem with that word,

[00:14:45] Michelle Kuei: So I think in my mind I'm thinking, oh, you're, describing me as disability, but that's kind of the same way of describing. A lot of things, but if I don't identify to it, you can just say whatever you want, handicap disabled. That's just not me. You can feel however you want to say it. But yeah.

I do agree that disable, it feels like, are you going to dismantle me?

[00:15:09] Damaged Parents: Right. Yeah. you're a discarded at the junkyard type thing because you no longer work, you know, that's, that can be, but I also think there's the other side of that word, right. That, especially for those that need social security, disability and things like that, where. if I don't identify with that, it can be a slippery slope because then, safety, financial safety, and things like that.

 Can be taken away or not even given if you're unwilling to acknowledge, oh, I'm quote unquote disabled, not I have disabilities.

[00:15:44] Michelle Kuei: So interesting how you brought that up because in the past I refused to just identify myself with disability. So there's a lot of benefit that I was missing because I refuse to identify myself as disability. And so I didn't realize that. There's so many benefits that you are entitled to you? I wouldn't say entitled, entitled you is a little,

[00:16:07] Damaged Parents: Yeah.

[00:16:08] Michelle Kuei: word,

[00:16:09] Damaged Parents: well, yeah, because there's a hefty price. We pay to have a disability in this society and there's a significant cost too. So I think I understand where you're coming from with that word. And I also agree. I'm not sure it's the right word, but I don't know what else to use in what you're trying to say.

[00:16:26] Michelle Kuei: Yeah, I'm pretty sure there's a better way of describing it, but I feel that because I'm disabled or does have disability, there are certain things that, in reality it would just make so much make my life so much easier. For example, applying for a placard, right. Parking a little closer when I'm having more, I'm struggling with my bad pain, my back hurts.

And some of the things that little, little things that. It really wouldn't cause anybody any harm to allow myself giving myself the permission to, what, this is where I'm at. This is what my body is saying to me. And therefore I'm going to, ask to stay in front of the line. I'm going to ask for a more convenient way of parking.

I don't want to fall in the rain. So. Maybe it's time to ask, to be able to have a privileged parking. It's just little things like that. I think I refuse to identify myself to that. I wasn't doing the asking.

[00:17:23] Damaged Parents: Well, and I think it's also not set up to invite the ask, right? So like going to the front of the line, there's not a sign. If disabled, please come. Or if you have a disability, please come to the front of the line. It's like we walk up there , and then the people in line gets. What is going on, how come they get in, especially with me, because I don't have, you know, I could still walk, not long distances, but I can still walk and people see me and they assume, especially if I'm my hands are, if it's winter and , they can't really see my arms, they just assume that I can stand.

And then they get mad or upset. And they're like, how come she gets this? it's really hard. I think we're not the only ones who have thought, Ooh, do I really want to use that? Do I want to say I have this disability? When I use my placard people judge me and they're going to judge me anyway. And so I think for me, I've just had to, this is not a loving thing to say, but I, in some ways it is, it's like I just had to get over it and accepts it. , for me, I needed to show that self love and for them, let them have those feelings. And they get to experience it and deal with it and their life. And sometimes it takes, gets taken out on me. I don't know if you've had that experience and sometimes it doesn't.

[00:18:40] Michelle Kuei: I started. I think what changed for me is I started to inside is thinking that this is a disability. I started to think of it as a gift And every one of us have a gift. We have magic, right? Even the people who's waiting in the line and they have to wait their turn. They have their own gift and magic, right.

There is something that they're so special about who they are. And for me, this is a magic, this is a talent. This is a gift. And for me, in order to make it easy for myself, I like to think of it as giving myself permission to, to use my magic, to use my talent. And if he means that I need to be able to go through the line to the front of the line, it's just who I am.

That's just who I am.

[00:19:25] Damaged Parents: Yeah, that's really beautiful. It's because I'm reminded of Marshall, B Rosenberg book, Nonviolent Communication. And I can't remember if it was in one of his. Tape and not tapes, but you recordings or if it was in the book and he talks about going to the neighbor is if you're Santa Claus to ask for sugar, because it really is a gift.

And I think he talks about how that gift of asking then creates the, they're able to give we're able to connect. They feel good about what they did. And I think that's what you're talking about is it's an opportunity to say. I need some help and let someone else feel good about it.

[00:20:05] Michelle Kuei: Yeah, And every one of us has had that service, that heart of service, we come, we want to help. And by lowering our, we call it a vulnerability, right. Being vulnerable and lowering our wall, letting our wall down, we're actually helping the other person to exercise They're act of service and that's how this whole world is in a balance because we're helping each other out.

And there's always going to be a need for it from every individual. Right. Right. Now maybe I have a knee and I'm low in my wall so that you can help me. And there's going to be other times that someone else. Going to lower their wall down and you're going to be able to help them. So it's that contribution of what we were really meant to do on this earth that will allow all of us to co-exist in a more harmonious way.

[00:20:57] Damaged Parents: Yeah, but how did you get from where it wasn't a gift like to seeing it as a gift? what was that transition like?

[00:21:06] Michelle Kuei: It was horrible.

[00:21:08] Damaged Parents: So glad you said that.

[00:21:12] Michelle Kuei: It was horrible. It took years and years of feeling rejected, feeling that I didn't belong anywhere, feeling that I was having a lot of burnout and being discriminated there's years of that. And finally coming to a point where. I just told myself, this is not the way I want to live in. I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night feeling like angry or sad or depressed.

And I don't want to cry myself to sleep every single night feeling that I wish there is a different pair of legs that I can install somehow magical or scifi way of attaching your legs to your body. Some sometime a magic that.

will come and take my soul away and that implant into a new body.

It doesn't work that way. So what can I do? Right.

What can I do tomorrow? I don't want to wake up this way. I don't want to live this way. And so the first thing I did it took me miles and miles a journey to actually figure this out. So I started to work out more. I said, well, I don't want to keep gaining weight.

Cause you know, leg way, that's just not a good combo all together because you wanted to make sure that your body weight is not going to put any. Any more pressure on your legs. So I started to work out a little more exercise. I started out with the balancing ball and then I said, my diet is not helping me.

So I actually put myself on a very strict diet. I only consume certain calories amount every single day. And I remember my colleagues used to say, Michelle, is that all you're going to eat? I'm Like, yeah, I'm going to strict diet and limit. To a 900 calories, 1000 calorie. It was a very extreme way of keeping an eye out to my health.

And finally, my, when my weight was not budging, I decided to sign up to a gym. Then next thing you know, I bought myself a ticket for myself across south America to hike Machu Picchu through the Inca trail, with my two crutches.

[00:23:10] Damaged Parents: but when you did that, after going to the, do you think it was part of like going to the gym help bring back or give you that self-esteem so that you could go hike the mountain.

[00:23:24] Michelle Kuei: I think it's a combination of both. I wanted to prove myself wrong. I want to prove to myself that I can do things just like a normal individual. And by going back to the gym, I also realized that, oh, it is not true that I cannot use the machine at the gym. I can totally adapt to it. And I think one of the great thing about having disability is that we're very adaptive.

All right. We adapt to the environment. So I'm, I've learned how to adapt to a gym and vitamin and started to walk on the treadmill rather than run. I started to do more weights, the thing, more weights, and I hire a personal trainer just to keep an eye out for me. So I don't actually hurt myself. So there's a number of.

Pieces that put together on top of what I was personally dealing with in terms of proving myself wrong and wanting to overcome that imposter syndrome that I was having to myself. So that combination led to the hiking of Machu Picchu. Yeah.

[00:24:23] Damaged Parents: And you successfully hiked that mountain then.

[00:24:27] Michelle Kuei: Yeah, it was, it was no joke. My wrist was like burning, dying every single day. I would have to hike 10 hours. Most people hike like eight hours. They are good, but in order for me to get there, cause I walk very slow and very short cause a lot of steps are really big. So in order for me to get there to the camp, day one, I ended up waking at five o'clock in the morning and hike the whole 10 hours.

And there's like constantly pushing down on the crutches. So by the time I got to the campsite, my wrists were burning and I was just exhausted and it was the most beautiful experience I ever had.

[00:25:02] Damaged Parents: Well, I'm thinking that was part of your transformative experience. that, that's why there's this sense of contentment that you have now, or what I called peace and ease, I think earlier, but that, because you chose that struggle, knowing that you were already not quote unquote normal is if that's a good, I think that's a good word.

I think sometimes there's a difference between a chosen struggle and in the given struggle, I think both of them allow us to take that journey inside of us on different levels. Like, I don't know. I just think that on some level you'd already gotten through that and then to prove it to yourself, you had to go do that.

[00:25:49] Michelle Kuei: Yeah. And I think, it's interesting about the struggle. I think the struggle. There is always a choice behind the struggle. Right? And it's how we want to decide which way we choose. Cause when you look at struggle, sometime I like to use the analogy of a coin if you imagine the struggle is the coin, there's you flip it.

There's always a 50, 50 chance of landing on one side. The side that is the head maybe you're not going to do anything about the struggle. Or the other one would be, you actually act on the struggle and thin it out. Yeah. you have the word stay curious. You stay curious about what the struggle means to you and what do you need to learn about this struggle?

So behind that, every struggle, there's always a choice. Even the no action is a choice. We choose not to take any actions. So I think going to Machu Picchu, it's the time where I realized that I can choose. I don't have to be here and feel like I am the victim of the tragedy of the car accident. I have a choice I can choose the way I want to live.

[00:26:48] Damaged Parents: That's beautiful. What you just said right there that you can choose. You know, I think it was the other day I posted on Facebook. Maybe it was only yesterday. I don't know, but I said disability. Does not change dreams. And so many times I think with acquired disabilities, especially that there's this idea that now we're worthless or something.

and I think with maybe people who've had them a bit longer, they've, probably gotten time to work through that. Or if they've had it from birth, they just don't know any different. Well, they probably. Well they see other people, but for them their own body's like, I think there's a couple of different perspectives, but I think that's really this beautiful message that I'm hearing from you is the disability didn't change that you had dreams and.

You still found a way like the, one of the things you said earlier was that we're really good at adapting people with disabilities we are. And I think that that's something that a lot of people without physical disabilities forget. And what benefit, because if we're already used to adapting and you put somebody like us in another environment and ask questions, we're going to think of things that other people haven't thought of just because we're different.

[00:28:01] Michelle Kuei: Yeah. it's so true. And I have this real experience where, I go someplace and people feel stuck. Oh, what do we do? I'm like, I got you. And I, for example, at work, like there's places where I can't reach so I would pull a stepstool to get me to, to a higher ground, higher place. Right. So like my colleague wouldn't think of that.

My colleague wouldn't be thinking, oh, I can reach it and let me grab something else. They don't their mind don't go to their, they there's just thinking, oh, I can't reach it. I'm just going to forget about it. No, you have tools. You got tools that you can use, right? So use your tools.

[00:28:35] Damaged Parents: And tools. I mean, when you say the word tools, I'm thinking emotional and physical tools, right? Like for you and me, we've got to figure out how to do something. Me. It's usually a lot of times it's getting somebody else with hands, that work properly. But a lot of times, like you're like the people who are capable, they don't think about.

Like I can, if I just do this, maybe then this will become available to me. But also I think with disability, it's so easy to get stuck in that victim mindset, which again, like that person without a disability, that's not thinking I can get a stool is in that moment. I think sitting in that victim mindset.

Oh, it's too bad. It's too high. I can't do it. That also, so we get there too. It's just seems like with disability, I feel like we get there so much, like, a lot of, I think what I'm trying to say so many people with disabilities, forget that there's a choice.

I mean, I know I did for many, many years forgot I had a choice in, I think that's something that you're out in the world really sharing. Guess what? There's a choice, and you don't have to go climb Machu Picchu to, to be able to show that there's a choice. There's something beautiful in the ordinary.

[00:29:53] Michelle Kuei: Yes.

[00:29:54] Damaged Parents: day-to-day living. Oh, look at your face.

You guys, her face just was like, yes. Like when she said it, it was like this peaceful. Yes.

[00:30:03] Michelle Kuei: Yes. I sometime I imagine people like we all have disability. That's just put it that way. Everybody, every single one of us, no matter who you are, you have a physical disability. You will not, you are just this disability. It's just for everybody.

[00:30:17] Damaged Parents: Right. There's something they're not good at.

[00:30:19] Michelle Kuei: Or something, they don't feel that they're good at it's a, feeling that they're not good at something. And that to me, is that disability in itself, right. There is something that will feel dysfunctional. And so if we're coming out from the same level, that makes everybody ordinary. And, but the idea that you have a choice to live an extraordinary life, You're not ordinary at all your extraordinary.

[00:30:46] Damaged Parents: Yeah. Yeah. It's like, uh, noticing differences in people is smart. Noticing similarities is wise in all of us have that extraordinary piece inside of us. And that's what's similar is there's that light inside of every single person on this earth. And it's up to us to uncover it and to see it and to share it.

[00:31:09] Michelle Kuei: Yeah, it's so beautiful realization pay too so long.

[00:31:13] Damaged Parents: Yeah, it does. I think that too, I had someone call me recently , with the same diagnosis as I have. And, the only thing I could say was it's going to be hard. And it's going to be okay, I'm here. I will sit with you. I cannot make you go through this journey any faster than you're going to go through it, but I can, and I can let you know the tools that worked for me.

But other than that, I can just sit with you. And I think too, that's part of that compassion that we have to have for people and where they're at in their journey. And it's okay to be in the part of the journey. where you're feeling like a victim. and we really, I say it's not going to last forever.

I hope it won't last forever for you. Like that type of just it's so hard. Cause I, we can't make anybody do anything.

[00:32:01] Michelle Kuei: but, you know, honestly when you're making me teary, because I remember in the days, in the old day where I was feeling, sorry for myself or feeling like a victim, I wasn't expecting anyone to do anything for me. I was really just looking for someone to sit with me. I just want someone to be there with me, not doing the things for me, but just be there for me.

[00:32:24] Damaged Parents: Yeah. Yeah. And just asking what do you need?

[00:32:27] Michelle Kuei: Yeah.

Yeah. And that's all I was asking. And when I wasn't getting that, I started to. Seek out my going out there to seek my own solution. But thinking back had I had somebody who come during my most vulnerable time and said, Michelle, I can't do this for you, but I'm going to sit with you. That would have been the most profound, powerful thing that anyone could have say to me.

So you're making me teary

[00:32:58] Damaged Parents: and just to our listeners hear that I think is a beautiful. Message what Michelle is saying, how much that would mean. And so if you're capable in this moment and someone else's feeling incapable, there's no need to fix it. Just be there, be love. So that's all that. Yeah. I don't know how else to end it to say it.

[00:33:19] Michelle Kuei: Yeah. Yeah. Just be there for that person and you don't have to do anything else.

[00:33:24] Damaged Parents: Yeah. Yeah. I love it. .

[00:33:26] Michelle Kuei: Silence is gold.

[00:33:28] Damaged Parents: there's something that happens energetically between people. I think in that silence that wouldn't happen otherwise.

[00:33:35] Michelle Kuei: Yeah.

[00:33:35] Damaged Parents: Thank you so much, Michelle, for coming on the show, you can find michelle at https://elevatelifecoaching.org.

She's got a podcast that Michelle Kuei show, she's clearly a beautiful spirit inside and out, and I'm just so grateful to have had you on the show. Thank you so much, Michelle.

[00:33:56] Michelle Kuei: Thank you so much.

[00:33:58] Damaged Parents: Thank you for listening to this week's episode of relatively damaged by damaged parents. We have really enjoyed talking to Michelle about how she has learned to see the benefits of her challenges. We especially liked when she spoke about how she creatively problem solves to unite with other damaged people connect with us on twitter look for damaged parents We'll be here next week still relatively damaged see you then