Episode 2: Holistic Financial Planner
Jodi Gambini
Damaged Parents: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Relatively Damaged podcast by Damaged Parents where bent, broken banged up, hurting people come to learn, maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged. Someone once told me it's safe to assume 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way. I would venture to say it's closer to 100%.
Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are Relatively Damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about in my ongoing investigation of the damage self. I want to better understand how others view their own challenges.
Maybe it's not so much about the damage. Maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it. There's a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience? My hero is a damaged person. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side, whole those who stare directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover their purpose.
These are the people who inspire me to be more fully me, not in spite of my trials, but because of them let's hear from another hero.
Today, we're going to talk with Jodi Gambini from Stockton, California. She has many roles in her life. Sister, daughter, holistic financial planner, we're going to learn what that means, coach and more. We'll talk about betrayal, emotional trauma, and how she recovered from debilitating depression. We'll also learn why sometimes she literally bites her tongue so she may smile when receiving gifts and more. Let's talk.
Nice to see you here today. Jodi, tell us a little about yourself. I know you said you're in financial planning and you take the holistic approach. What does that mean?
Jodi Gambini: [00:02:20] So. I started out in banking, which makes me a little different. So I am a full series, seven and 66 licensed financial advisor, but I started in banking in a grocery store.
So I got to learn and look at people's bank accounts and really see. So to me, the holistic approach means there's always an emotion tied to people's money and how they view money or even. View how they track it, or they're not good with money. And so I love to help people uncover that part and it really helps them, catapult towards whatever their financial goals are.
But many times it's the holistic. Inner part that needs that breakthrough. And then I also do life coaching from separately where I help people just connect those dots, that they don't quite realize that they're tied to each other. Like you wouldn't always know that there's some certain things that are tied to, breaking a pattern in your financial area, whatever that is.
A lot of times people think the more money you have, it solves the problem, but. I've been doing this now for 25 years and it doesn't, and I've gotten to see all walks of life, all types of professions from people that are extremely educated to people that aren't. And I've seen a lot of common things that don't really tie to how much money you make to make you happy, but really.
How you understand, maybe there was some lies you believe and how you shift that and you have some great freedom and victory.
Damaged Parents: [00:04:06] That's a really interesting perspective. It sounds like it's more emotion based. You're really working with people on their relationship and their emotional relationship , with money , and . How does that help make them someone's successful , and maybe what does successful mean to you?
Jodi Gambini: [00:04:26] So successful means to me, or especially if I'm helping somebody, whether it is I'm mentoring them, coaching them, or helping what I kind of call financial mapping, helping that part. The success is that they have a goal and I help them reach it.
So. The unsuccess is, and I see this a lot. They're all excited and they have a goal, but they don't know that. And then I help with the habits, if that makes sense. So there's a goal and then you have to figure out what are the habits that are going to get me there. So I'll give you a perfect example.
Let's say that somebody comes to me and they say, we want to start saving for our child's college fund. Right? Hmm, how much do you have? Well, when we look at things, the bigger goal is they want to make sure they take care of their child. And if they don't have the first thing in place, we need to do the next thing.
So like maybe. They need to make sure they have some kind of protection or coverage first. And I can't go like, I'm like, okay, why do I use this example? Because I'm limited what I can say publicly, but, um, it's, it's understanding one of the first things I would ask them is, is this the first time you've ever, that you've started to move towards the school?
And if they go, no. And then I'll find out a lot of times they're like, well, no, I've tried it many times before, but I haven't made money, um, enough money. And then I'll say, okay, tell me what is the most important thing? Why do you want to do this? And then they may say, because I want to make sure that my child is able to go to high school and college or trade school.
And it's not a problem. Like it was for me now I know the emotional part. Right. And why that's important. And then what does that look like? And then when I ask them more questions, most of the time. They don't really know. They just know, they think they're supposed to head towards a direction, you know, to be a responsible parent.
I want to make sure that my kid is able to, I'm able to help them. Right. But when you now tap into the emotion behind it, when you start to put the habit, like, let's say, you're getting, you need $50 a month. To start to build seven months down the road when some things run into a problem. And now you're like, but I really want to go out for a week.
I really want to spend a thousand dollars on my kid's birthday. Okay. Well, you can. But you said this other goal of having $10,000 in 10 years for your child when they go to college is more important to you. You said, because you want to make sure that that is there for them. Is that still what you want to do?
Oh, yeah. So I like to figure out the why, why do you want to do it? Not just because everybody says that's the right thing to do, but why do you want to accomplish this goal? And then sometimes there's some things that we can uncover that will help not sabotage it. I like to say it like this. I want to put as many logs on the fire to help make that, um, That flame and the fire lasts as long as possible and acts because that's like accelerant.
Right. So then it will accelerate their goal. And so, um, I hope that answered the question. Well, I
Damaged Parents: [00:08:08] think what I'm hearing from you is that. When people come to you, it's with a real struggle or a real concern, and they're somewhat, maybe handicapped in their ability to manage money, to achieve what they want to achieve.
So you help them figure out how they're going to achieve that. Is that. Am I on the right
Jodi Gambini: [00:08:31] track? You know what, it's funny you say that. So I started my career in the financial, but what the last couple of years, my journey has been about is to realize it is a skill that I have, that I can help people in all areas.
And it was something that. Other people would sometimes say, Oh, jetty, why do you ask questions all the time? And I'd be, cause I'll just tell you, not every banker, not every financial advisor, you meet, ask that people, I would be in meetings with partners and they'd be like, why don't you ask all that? And I'd be like, I don't know.
And so, um, But I kept trying to be somebody for a while. I wasn't, because that wouldn't seem to fit the mold. And now what I realize is that is who I was made. I asked these questions and get people to tell me things that they don't even fully realize till I'm asking it. So that's where then my coaching company came from, because I, to be honest with you, I know this is awful to say.
Um, and I can't even remember who. Few people were like 15 years ago when life coaching started to become a theme and they went and spent. A lot of money and they didn't, in my opinion, didn't have their own house in aura. Right. So you're going to go behind the life coach. Like what the heck's a life coach.
I didn't know, kind of a bad opinion. Everybody kept saying to me, Jody, you need to be a life coach. You need to be a counselor. You help like what you do on the financial there's people that. Don't, they're not ready for that yet, but they wanted to hire me. And so that's where they wanted my help and I would just do it as I was volunteering in my church or in places and give up my services.
And then I had a couple people start to say, no, you're like, do you really know what a coach is? And so then I started to meet some really great ones that I was like, yes, Okay. That has helped me, me and I haven't, but I didn't realize that that's a perfect example. I will sometimes help somebody connect the dots.
That was my own lie. I believed life coaches are like, Hippy dippy. I don't know if that's a right word, you know, but they can't really help you because they don't have their own life together, which was a wrong judgment. But I had no clue that I was still believing that 15 years later. So as all these doors are opening for me in that I kept hesitating.
Damaged Parents: [00:11:10] So I think I hear you saying that you handicapped yourself a little a bit, like because of what you believed about who you were, and maybe you didn't see the value in yourself. Tell me about that time. You. That big
Jodi Gambini: [00:11:25] struggle. So there's been a lot. Um, and, and it's funny, I've reflected back a lot because, um, on all of these times, because it is our history and I like to say our test become our tests.
Amani, what can give somebody else hope? So what that means is whatever it's, sometimes I don't realize something. I've just come through Angela, you might be two steps behind and I could be like, Hey, I promise you, like, here's a perfect silly example, but you're doing a podcast and I've been doing one for like a year and a half.
So I could be like, Angela. I know that part where you just get so nervous, but just keep pushing through it because you're going to have five episodes down. And then before you turn around, you're going to have 24, you know, like just keep doing it. So we forget sometimes that we, all our story can inspire somebody else.
And so I'll give you, um, Probably the most, the one as I look back on where now I'm at now, I wish that I would have been more comfortable in the skin I was at, especially when I transitioned into a full-time financial advisor. So as a banker, um, and a branch manager, you were expected to do things in a certain way.
And I think you were asking about birth order. And I heard about birth order, at least for me and what I've found with some people. So I'm the oldest. So
Damaged Parents: [00:12:59] more of a rule follower I'm gonna, I'm going to guess and, um, definitely need to be successful and because you're in charge.
Jodi Gambini: [00:13:10] Yeah. Yeah. And then, so yeah, so you're a rule follower.
You also have an extra kind of responsibility. I find like, because a lot of times you'll have it. If you're not an only child, you have a younger sibling. It depends. On the age difference. Like if there's a huge gap, it looks a little different. But um, for me, there was only three years. And so the memo that I got from my parents was that she was watching me.
It was my responsibility to do the right thing because I had some responsibility as somebody else watching. And if I didn't do it right then. They weren't going to do it. Right. You know, and like pants don't do that on purpose, but that was it. I can look back now and see in my career, I've always done that in and accepted that memo in my head.
So whatever the rules were and whatever it looked like I was supposed to be. So as I went in as a financial advisor, first of all, I didn't realize I was like it's. At that time in 2005, there was only 5%. Females. And so like all of a sudden they start to realize like, Oh, this is weird. I'm in a meeting of a hundred people.
And there's like, five women were on the banking side. Even though there was financial advisors there, banking is a lot more female oriented. So all of a sudden everything that my intuitiveness and who I was, which some of it is just being. Female like who you are, wasn't acceptable anymore. So the rule was you needed to be, be staunch and you didn't need to show your emotions and you didn't need to be, um, colorful and you know, well, why does your calendar have five different colors on it?
Right. Well, they can't see because they're not looking, but you're looking and you see back here, this painting that was made for me, that's all colorful. What I realized is that is who I am. And so I was trying to follow the rules. So I kept trying to fit into the mold of what other people said I should be.
And, um, you know, I don't like to blame anything, but I do, as I look back realize that it was something that I heard, the message I got in my head, which was in order to be. Excepted in order to not be rejected, you need a foe, you need to do things the way you're told to do it.
Damaged Parents: [00:15:46] I think I heard you say that you feel like that's a message that you got from your parents.
And part of it was because you were an older sister and
Jodi Gambini: [00:15:56] well, and here's, you want to know interesting. And mom and dad, which is kind of like, you don't really realize it cause you just know what you grew up with. And by the way, I just want to say my parents were amazing and fabulous. And I only share any of this.
Because not to blame other people and not to make somebody the bad guy, but to be able to start to filter through when you keep going, why do I always hit a wall? I can't seem to buss through that ceiling. I can't seem to do that sometimes. Um, there are some things, but here's the other interesting part.
My mom and dad both were one of three. And they were both the middle child, so that inclusive, because they always felt like the one, you know, the middle child is kind of different when you've got three. So it, you know, they didn't know any better, but it extremely, for me, it was like, you need to include everybody.
I had younger cousins, everything was don't leave the other ones out.
Damaged Parents: [00:17:02] Okay. And then that, so you took also that on as a rule. So the rule is because you're the bird, because that's how you are. You just take it on as a rule. So, I mean, you're in a really prime position, a financial planner and a coach, and how often, you know, and, you know, I became disabled, super young, um, Wasn't expected, you know, it, it happened.
It is. I think I was in my thirties, which is like, I remember somebody comparing me to a 93, you know, my disability, you know, it's like, Oh, you're a 30 something year old and a 90 something year old body. And. How often do you see people come in where maybe they haven't planned, or they have plans they've done the best they could.
Right. And all of a sudden a life event happens that was unexpected, maybe similar to mine. And they're just, they're struggling in, they're having to, to go through those funds. And how do you help them cope with that? You know, like, is there a coaching or a helping cope on that side as well?
Jodi Gambini: [00:18:10] Yeah. So that's a really good question.
And I think one of the things is when you have an unexpected event happen and a good friend of mine, and he's also my pastor, I love what he says. He, his wife actually said it to me when I was in the midst. Uh, again, getting laid off after I'd worked for two jobs for 18 years. And so I only knew things one way, you should get the next job and you should be with it forever.
So I was just taking every failure. I felt like I messed up and then I was wrongfully terminated. And then. Because of what they wrote on my record, wrongfully, I then even had to hire an attorney. I mean, it was crazy. So that was probably one of the hardest times in my life. Where number one, you need to have outside influence besides your family.
I will say that because. Your family loves you and no one wants to see you suffer. So sometimes they're going to help you because they're thinking they're trying to help prevent you or soften the blow. So having somebody that can give a different insight, but what I look at it is, is it's like connecting the dots picture.
Right? And you thought that picture was going to make one. Type of picture and you start connecting. You're like, what the heck? My w two is way down at the bottom. I thought I was just going to over here. So the picture in your head of where you thought you were going look different, and the example that my friend used and I'm like, this is such a good example.
So you and I live in California. And I grew up pretty much way up in Northern California. Ready. And I also worked at Disneyland and the one common thing was I thought, so the normal thing, if you told me you're going to go, you're, you're going to go to Disneyland. Jodi. I would get my, I would think in my head, my route way before GPS is get on my five and drive down there.
So it would make no sense to me to get on an airplane and flying to, um, San Francisco. Now rent a car and drive over to Stockton and now get on the airplane again. It's like to Las Vegas and then fly in to Anaheim. Make no sense. They probably take me like 20 times as long in my head. Right. But that's what life is about.
We don't see why we need to, um, just like a GPS, you know how it'll say rerouting and it'll say, okay, get off at this exit. And you're like, why are you telling me to get off at this exit? Because I've been on this route and I know that I need to keep on this freeway. You didn't know that they just had a 10 pilot car.
Pile up and your GPS can see that in the satellite. And they're trying to save you time and tell you to get off on this exit and take the country roads. And I feel like that. So when an unexpected thing happens, whether it is what we're down, it's like, what am I going to do? Like, you know, like, how am I going to provide for myself?
Like, I don't even know anybody like me. Like, you know, I told you Angela instead, get on a car and go here and here you'd think I was crazy. Right. But there's that, but we have to be okay with that. And then look at what, what is your next step? So if I try to figure out all the dots, I'm going to connect, it's not going to work, but if I try to say, okay, Where is the next step I need to take.
And then you get outta your head. That's what I love to help people with. So for you, for example, I would have said, okay, Angela, if you can remember back then, what is your biggest concern with your new challenge?
Damaged Parents: [00:22:09]
Ah, yeah. If I can remember back then, uh, I think at first I wasn't too concerned. I thought I was going to get better and even months later I thought I was still going to get better. And even a years later, I think I still thought there's going to be some magic. In fact, I, I felt guilty that I couldn't find the solution because I was so certain that.
I would find the solution. And, um, the hardest part for me was letting go of that and accepting what my struggle was. So to kind of fast forward, it's taken many, many years, uh, to be okay with the fact that my body is not going to be what I want it to be. And. Now, how do I operate in a world where so many other, you know, and that's the reason why this podcast got started is because of my realization that.
Just, you know, uh, basically, um, I was told I have to have help at home and I was told that I, that, that help couldn't help me, uh, get the kids to school or to where they needed to go. And so the last part, kind of the last part of my identity. Was basically being stripped from me and that hurt and I was angry and I realized I have a voice and maybe my hands don't work.
I can use my voice. So here I am using my voice and I'm okay with that. So, but I think it takes a lot of people just like throughout your journey of learning, kind of the stories you told yourself, you know, figuring out who you are and what you stand for and how you can live by those values. And, um, I really liked that, that I heard you talk about the stories you told yourself, that identity that you took on the role you took on.
I think it's Esther Parral who talks about the, the part we're playing a part in, uh, in a play. We didn't try out for sometimes. And we don't even, I don't, you know, and, and I didn't try out for this part. I mean, depending on people's beliefs, right. Because some people believe that we came here to learn and grow and we knew in the premortal life.
But yeah, I think, I think that that was a great question. So thank you for asking
Jodi Gambini: [00:25:03] that. Yeah, and I think, but that's what I've found that. So for me, one of my most recent, probably hardest times in my life, um, it started in 2014 when everything went up in the air with my career and what I didn't realize even, cause I was really good at following the rules.
So, what does that mean? I would always figure out the pattern. Okay. So this is the ladder and this is what you need to climb. And I always did it ethically and honestly, so there were some times where I didn't get the promotion because I wasn't willing to use my. Female ways or things like that. There was, I think because I, the really cool part is I grew up with a dad that only had daughters.
So he like really empowered us that we could do anything. So, you know, my mom was of the generation where a lot of times you're to be a housewife, which is. Amazing. If that's who you feel like you're called to be, and that's what you want to be. But my dad would always say, what do you want to be? So I didn't have any, um, any of those barriers.
So I, and I naturally, my addiction was my job. So I was like a workaholic. So working hard was not a problem for me. And having tenacity and perseverance you show me what I'm supposed to do. And I'll. Do it, so that became my identity though, because that was the one thing I was successful. Now you take everything away, whether it's business partners, figuring out a way to get your clients, that everything goes away and your whole plan is like, what am I doing?
And I only make money when I'm working. And then you discover betrayal and you discover all these things, which is most people's, but what, what is it? It was the best blessing. I hate to say that I did not feel it at the time. I felt like it was the most awful season of my life, but what it's forced me to look at is that my identity did not fall in just the Jody's a great worker and what Jody was successful because.
All of that success was out the door. And now what do you do when you, you go to dinner and everybody asks you, what are you doing? Oh, so what do you do for a living? Well, I can't really say anything. Because right now, I don't have a job in right now. I just had to hire an attorney, you know, like it, it challenged me.
I'm like, what do I say? Because of that and able to be in any of the groups I've been in before I got bumped off of everything, every board, every everything, because I was no longer a financial advisor. And it was the best gift though. Angela. And I'm sure you'll probably look at that in your situation.
And I believe. That, um, what we can do is help people figure that out a little sooner, but mine truly was that in the second time, when I got wrongfully terminated in, in less than 12 months. So it was a very, um, in attacked every part of my identity, like, cause. I follow the rules. I didn't do anything wrong.
Right. And I played by the book. I did everything right. And now I felt like I was being punished and I didn't know how to fix it. And that was it. God, you know, I don't know where your viewers are at, but I believe in God and I believe that God does, um, use everything. And if you allow him to the first time, I just found another job as fast as I could.
And that's when I got wrongfully terminated. Because I couldn't see any other answer, but I needed a job looking back now, there were huge red flags that I just told myself, Oh, well, I don't need that. Cause I've got my own clients, but just like I saw every other person taken down and it was very, um, not nice.
The same thing happened to me.
Damaged Parents: [00:29:06] So you lost your job. And then had no one to tell you what to do or where to go, which as a rule follower, you kind of need that, that person. And then on top of that, you totally lost your identity and who you were. And, and that sounds like a real handicap right there. Like, so like a devastation.
Jodi Gambini: [00:29:30] Yeah. So I, I don't know if I'm telling it properly. So the first event in 2014, June my business partners basically figured out a way to get me to resign and they set me up. So they could now technically have myself resigned and the company wouldn't take me back. And then they kept all my clients and they already had letters sent out and they sent letters.
So that time. I knew I needed to get with a new firm immediately. So what did I do? The first one? And they offered me. I mean, it's unheard of, and I still don't think I'd made the wrong decision because I believe all of these little places I went have made me where I'm at now, but they were giving me a salary.
And as a financial advisor, you don't get that. They give me an expense account and I'm like, okay, I can do this. So I, I. Got hired, really getting rehired is never an issue for me. I had multiple people already calling me. So, um, that part was an issue the second time. So I was able to get over, I think just shut down the betrayal of the business partners, which we had ran for seven, eight years together.
I really trusted them. I looked at him as my big brothers because I got all that then almost one year to the day later. Because it takes about two months to transfer licenses. I get wrongfully terminated now, everything I didn't deal with that year before of the betrayal. And now this is like double and now my license is in jeopardy based on what they said that.
I didn't do. And so it just was like the double edge. I didn't deal with the first grief of the first people that really were the ones that betrayed me the most. And I was running so hard to just rebuild and find the new firm to be with another 18 years, because that had been my habit. So now the second one, and I had all these interviews.
But they wanted, um, I knew I had this, it w it was a private investigation at the time, so I didn't have to technically say it, but because I'm a rule follower, it was just eating me up because it was like, Oh my gosh, what if they hire me? And so I couldn't finish. I had like seven interviews and I couldn't finish.
And finally, I had to deal with the fact I can't get another job right now. I, I can not get out of bed. Like. I never experienced that. It made no sense. I normally can work like 16 hours a day. So I have nowhere to go and I can't even get two things done in a day. I didn't really know what like grief was and depression wise and all the things.
So it was the second one when it hit that it was like a two two-prong. Approach of, and I'm thinking that might've been that way for you to Angela, because you thought, okay, I just need to get well, and then I'll be okay. So for me it was like, I just need the new job and then I'll be okay. Well now a year later I don't have a job now I've been wrongfully terminated and now I have to fight it.
Damaged Parents: [00:32:53] And so it sounds like. Getting to that point though was extremely hard and those emotions don't sound like fun. And how did you walk through them?
Jodi Gambini: [00:33:05] So I got help. I had a friend that was also a, um, Christian counselor and she was like, Jodi, she didn't know, but I'm, I'm a good put a mask on. Um, I like to call it suck 'em up buttercup and move forward.
So she is like, I didn't know all this because when she would see me out someplace by that moment, she probably didn't know that it took me five hours to just take a shower and get ready and that I hadn't taken a shower in three days. And I would, when I was in front of people. Hi, how are you? I didn't know, Angela.
Right. So when it all came crumbling down, she's like, you know what, why don't you just start coming in, um, meeting with me. And when I went and started, that was all I could really do. And then I started to realize, Oh my gosh, I have to take things off of my plate. I have to deal with this. Cause I'm just trying to get anything to fill the void.
And I'm, it's like, I'm going down with the ship. And I keep it, you know, like I, I, I think I'm popping back up, but I'm sinking deeper. And so I needed that person that wasn't a friend that was professionally, whether it's a coach, that's why now I've founded my coaching company because you sometimes need somebody that can just be accountable with you, help walk through with you.
And they're not going to. Um, let you go. So it looks different in different things, but unique. And then I needed it. Other community. I needed my mom and my friends, you know, you and I have a friend in common that, um, Suzanne and she would just call cause she knew she knew what it was. Like. She'd walk through that.
And I had never, and she's like, you're depressed Jody. And I'm like, no, I'm not. She's like, I hear it in your voice. And, and I needed those people in my life that would, um, come alongside of me, but the hardest part, Angela, and I don't know if this was hard for you, was my pride told me that I should do it all by myself and I, I was a great giver.
I gave till my heart bled, I would give you the last, you know, dollar out of my pocket. I figure out a way to raise funds for you, but I was not a very good receiver of other people helping me.
Damaged Parents: [00:35:29] I think that that is something that a lot of people struggle with. Um, and I think part of that might be. Our society in some ways it's very much, we very much celebrate the CEO and not the company.
And the CEO would not be where they're at without the company, without everyone else lifting them up, literally lifting them up and they just happened to be the face of the company. So, um,
Jodi Gambini: [00:36:00] yeah. Well, and I think it's allowing other people to help you too. And realizing that it doesn't mean that you failed.
So that fear of failure, um, was huge. And also I call it fear of man or what other people think. So those, I didn't realize, you know, being who I was, that was what I tried to avoid was I wanted to make everybody happy. And everybody think that Joe, Judy did everything right. Followed all the rules was successful and.
That's why I say it was the hardest, most hardest time of my life has been the last seven years, but it also has been the best of my life because now I will sit here in my office, have a pajama bottoms on below where my mom would probably have a fit. And though, you know what. I'm okay with that. I'm okay with having my hair in a ponytail today and no makeup on and tomorrow I'll put it on.
Cause it was fun, you know, but I'm okay with having these wild, crazy pictures that everybody sees and it doesn't look like the pretty back screen that some other people have that have lamps because I'm okay with who I am. And I don't want to keep trying to be somebody that other people want me to be.
I want to be who God meet me.
Damaged Parents: [00:37:28] I really liked that. Um, something you said about asking for help in reminded me of a comment. I believe it was Marshall Rosenberg. I don't know if you've read any of his stuff. He did. Um, he wrote nonviolent communication and. I think it was on a YouTube video, but I remember listening to this video and, or reading the book if one of the two, I, I, the message.
I got the message. Okay. That's what I'm going to say. I got the message that, that. If I'm going to go to my friend, my neighbor's house for sugar, it's like Santa Claus, me asking is also allowing them to give and that giving is a gift. And if I weren't asking my asking is also a gift. Yes. Because if I were not asking, they would not be able to give and we would all be the worst for it.
So I always try to, to remember that it's. That asking is so important. And I think that, you know, we're in this life to relationships. If I were on an Island by myself, I would know who I was in relationship to my, to the Island and myself. I would not know who I was in as a sister, as a mother, as a daughter, as an aunt, I would have no clue.
So in the only way to figure that out, Is to, I guess, in some ways, figuratively bump into other people. Right. Um, so that I can figure out where they end and I begin and that's not always super comfortable.
Jodi Gambini: [00:39:11] No. And I love what you said, Angela. Cause that is exactly what, um, I kept hearing in that. I always say, you know, that little soft, quiet voice that certainly God talking to you, that gut thing, like you don't know.
But one of the things that I would be reminded of is when a high gave in somebody and I had the means and I had this stirring, I needed to stop everything I was doing and go do this. And then the person didn't receive it. It robbed me of the blessing and it really made me doubt. Oh gosh, did, did I do what I was supposed to do?
And so I would put that in reverse me not Reese. It is uncomfortable. There is just something that at least it was in my, my teaching that you, you need to be independent. And I would challenge people that I do feel that that is a lie because. Dependency is not necessarily about thing. If you have a spiritual guide, which mine is Jesus Christ.
Um, he wants us to depend on him and I wanted to be independent. I felt like the memo was to be independent, but what I realized was I was robbing people that were having the opportunity in that nudge to help me. And then I would say, Even though I knew I didn't have any money in my bank account. Okay.
I've got to pay this. Well, they wanted to pay for me. They wanted to bless me. And then that flash would keep coming in. When I went to help somebody and me and my husband would be like, yeah, let's go do it. And it felt great when they accepted it. Right. Cause I had I, that was, and when they didn't in a way.
They're being robbed of their blessing because their lesson at that point is to be giving, maybe giving is hard for them. So giving other money giving of their time, showing up and driving you somewhere when you don't have a vehicle or you can't drive, right. They get to give of that. And that's the lesson maybe at that moment in their life that they need.
So that has really helped me. It is still hard to take help. It really is for me.
Damaged Parents: [00:41:32] I know I, I struggled to,
Jodi Gambini: [00:41:36] but I have to remember that I don't want to Rob that person of their blessing and to also almost counteract that what they felt led to do and went to all this effort was not right. So there's something in me that I just bite my tongue.
If I can't say anything else. And I smile my cheeks and I say, thank you, thank you. And there's something when I can get that out, that, that other lie of, Oh, well you, you know, did you mess up it completely shifts and melts because normally when I say thank you, I see all over that person's face that they wanted to help me.
Damaged Parents: [00:42:25] Yeah. I would say, um, Being that I've got caregivers and they're in here helping. I, I can tell the ones that, that it's their calling. And I can tell the ones where it's just a job and it's different in, and sometimes, um, I've got to have my dignity that day and other days it's I can, you know, and they know, and we joke about it, you know?
Cause I, even though, even though nine times out of 10, no, I'm going to try today. Um, just, you know, I guess, and, and they have to wait for me to get a little frustrated and I, I have to turn it over to them and I know that, but I've got to have that dignity to try for coming from a disability standpoint.
But it sounds like what I'm hearing from you is that we've experienced a lot of the same emotions, a lot of, um, tough stuff. And, and I don't think that I don't think that you see me as, as disabled. Nope. And that's huge because. Um, a lot of times, you know, I go outside, I go in public and, and I'm viewed as you know, they see my hands and, you know, um, there are some people in my life that are so uncomfortable with my disability that, uh, they don't come around very often.
And, and that breaks my heart because I don't think you are your struggles. I think you overcame your struggles. What are, where I'm trying to get. We are not our challenge and that is it. And I think it's so easy to mentally go to I'm the worst part of myself. Yeah. And I think that's where you went to what you were describing when you couldn't get out of bed.
And it was just every moment you had to live day by day and. Taking a shower was hard. I mean, I just wonder sometimes, you know, I was thinking the other day about physical disabilities, emotional disabilities and all of that. And, and how everyone regardless seems to be able to bring something to the table.
Um, but having depression and you had to come back from that and figure out who you were and. Um, I'm just wondering, do those feelings still show up every once in a while? Like, or, I mean, is it something that you have to trying to think of the word?
Jodi Gambini: [00:45:03] So my answer would be absolutely. I have to be aware of my triggers.
And what has shifted is in the beginning, I just put my head as an Austrian. Ignored it. So it's like I was, so I kept thinking I could just push through it. I'll never forget the time where I had to come home. And my counselor said, I didn't even go inside my house. I waited for my husband to come home because I knew I would lose that, that Steve and tell him which.
It was all me. It's not him, but it was like, I had to tell him it was all I could do to get up. And I knew he'd come home for lunch to pretend like I had it. Okay. I mean, he knew I didn't have it. Okay. Like, what's wrong, which you he's going nowhere. And she can't even do the dishes. Right. Like he knew, but he didn't know.
Right. Like he didn't understand. I had to say, I can't get a child right now. That was the hardest thing for me to admit that there was something. That I had to heal. It was emotional and it was a loss and a trauma. That no one can see on the outside, but it was a massive wound and I knew there was going to be, it was a turning point in my life and I hold was I at the time, I think I was like 43.
Um, it was a turning point in my life because I knew that there was something in that moment. That if I pushed myself and I could have, I could have just sucked it up, buttercup taken the job. It was a very, very well-known brokerage firm. Like one of the top, if you can imagine. And I had five offers, okay.
Everybody wanted me and this was the second time around. I could've taken it. And I would have like, in order to do it, something inside of me would have broke. You know what I mean? Yeah. I would have shoved it down so far, the bitterness, the everything, and pushed it. And there was something inside that I had to deal with.
And so it was emotional. But the best way I look at is like, if you, if you had had surgery on the outside and you can't walk on your leg, I bet he wouldn't understand that you needed three months to recover. But it was super hard for me to tell myself, like, what's wrong with you? And so for me, telling Dan, and I'll know, I could probably to this moment start to cry because it felt like such a weakness.
And I knew that he would be okay, but I felt like I was letting him down and letting our family down and. Like what person says it, because I was the opposite of you, Angela. I physically could do it. Like you said, like at least if you have a physical disability getting in the shower makes sense. But when it's emotional and you don't realize that and just to get from the bed to the shower takes you three hours, you don't even know what's wrong.
And so I have that moment right there. And I guess, cause I kept going, where are we going with all this? Cause then as I like to just let things flow my soft I'm like, why am I sharing this? And that is my hope is to encourage somebody, no matter what it is. When there's a hard stop where you're like, I have a moment I could have sold my soul at that moment, really, to be honest with you, just to get the money and do what I thought I needed to do, and my physical body could do it, but that dramatic trauma of loss and betrayal the first time.
A month year before, and then this time I had never felt anything like that in my life, except for when I lost my dad suddenly at 18. And so the abandonment then, even though my dad was a great dad and he didn't really abandon me, but he did, it was like even some unhealed wounds from there. Like scar tissue was coming up.
And so my hope is whether you have a physical issue or there's just this thing where you're like, Oh, I'm not okay. I keep seeing them. Okay. I always say I already went through my own personal pandemic. And you were saying the same thing. Like we're probably unusual. We're like, Oh yeah. I think like maybe I was being trained for this moment to help others, but I believe there's so many people that are going through this right now, whether it was their job, whether now they are at home with the kid, like nothing looks the same and you're not okay.
And. I would say, allow yourself to feel that. And you said it a minute ago, it feels uncomfortable. It feels awful because it feels like you can not be in control.
Damaged Parents: [00:50:00] That's true. I think actually what I heard from you was it a tremendous amount of courage in that moment to say, I cannot do this, you know, in.
I don't know if I would have had that courage because I was also, I go get her and got to do it, you know, let's do this. So it's been a real
Jodi Gambini: [00:50:22] struggle that helped me. So where it started with was what do I keep on my plate? What do I need to look if I need to take it off and what do I need to take off?
Okay. Then take off. Which one do I need to do first? And so the first was my husband. The second was we're planning a party for my sister and I'm like, mom, I can't do it. I mean, it's ridiculous. Right? Like I'm not working, but I had to take those off. Do you know, within six months the I'll never take off and the I'm not sure eventually they all came on.
So I would say start with just that. Okay. What do I need to just either say to someone I'm not okay. And so like I had by task. The first, that's why I knew if I didn't just sit out on the rocking chair and Ron deck chair and wait for my husband to come home, I would have never had the courage to do it.
And also remember he thought somebody died because I was like, what is wrong? Why is she sitting out here? But sometimes it's as simple as that making the call or pulling up and telling the first person that you have to say. I'm not okay. And it's normally the people that you're the closest to, because it's not that they can't handle it, honestly.
You just don't even know how to say it because you're an ostrich you're burying your head and going. I'm okay. I'm okay. And they're like your heads very, even the, yeah.
Damaged Parents: [00:52:00] Okay. Let's let's shift to, uh, what's the biggest surprise you've had in the last few
Jodi Gambini: [00:52:06] months. Oh man. Okay. Let's see. What's the biggest surprise. So probably one of the coolest surprises that I had, I've had lots of cool surprises, but. Stepping out and beginning to have, um, some clients in my coaching. I started with my one-on-one coaching and it was my second couple.
And I, um, Felt that I was supposed to do it. And we were meeting every single week and I help them through breaking through and even selling their home. And they handed me an envelope and said that they wanted to sow into my business on top of already paying me because of everything I helped. Them breakthrough, which was what I felt like I was supposed to do.
But to me, it was like this confirmation of this little crazy thing that seemed crazy. Like it was very different because I'm trained as a financial advisor. I took the test. I have the certification, have a certification to be. A coach, like what the heck, like help people break through and connect their dots?
What the heck is that Jody? I honestly just said yes. And then now I have somebody saying you so much. And part of us moving into our next chapter is selling our house. We want to take some of this money and bless you and your husband. That was probably one of the wildest surprises. I'd ever seen and, and, and it really, and, and I'll be honest, I mean, in the scheme of it, can I just be totally transparent?
I've made way more money. Okay. Way more money. Um, but it was so rewarding because it showed that that little glimpse. That I pushed into and kept saying, okay, I don't know why, but I know I'm made to do this. It really had nothing to do about the money and had to do about the fact that. I helped people.
And I used who I am and I was authentically me. And some of it was not always so pretty. I mean, what I realized is I'm kind of a person as an agitator and designed where in order, if you're a coach, sometimes you don't like you coach, right? Like if you have a health coach, you have a trainer, you're like, go take it to them.
Brother or sister, you know, like I don't want to do one more step. I can't. So this is a whole new role as a financial advisor. I didn't really get that like flare up every so often. So it was such confirmation. So I have to say, like, that was probably one of the best surprises that I got from somebody, because it really gave me confirmation that I was taking.
The right steps and making a difference.
Damaged Parents: [00:55:20] So it sounds like just even from, from that description, right? A lot of what I've heard from you is surround yourself and stay in line with your values and who you are.
Jodi Gambini: [00:55:31] Yeah. And you know what, when you said that, cause I forgot when you were saying to the mouse, this thought popped in my head six to seven years ago to now.
Now, some of my friends that have been in my life for a very long time, they're still in, but when major things happen in your life, um, sometimes shift happened and sometimes they're good and sometimes they're bad, but for me, I had every shift happened at once, but I kept trying to hold on to things and there were new people coming in my life and I would not let go of the person that wasn't answering my call.
The person that didn't seem to have time for being the person, because I had expectations, they were the ones that should have done it. So the more I started to realize, okay, who is in front of me, even though it makes no sense, this person doesn't know me more than two months, but they're cheering me on.
They're stopping everything they're doing and saying, I'm going to be there in a minute. You want to be around people that can lift you up. That will be there. And when you go through something that's, life-changing sometimes it's just time to change and it could be a good season. Like when you come out of a bad season, you're like, whew.
Well, when my season was good, My season was really good before this happened. It was a positive season in a lot of ways, and I didn't want to let it go. And I still to this day, struggle sometimes with that. Um, I see different people on Facebook. I see people that were in my inner circle and they're not anymore, but the biggest thing I can encourage you is sometimes that's not, we grow.
In sometimes we, but if you can forgive them and not have that bitterness in your heart. And so I'll just give you a big clue. You can say you forgive them, but if, when you see them, you get that, there's something there. I feel like, Oh, that person trust me on this. The goal is that you can see them and see them happy, even though they hurt you because it's not about them.
It's about you.
Damaged Parents: [00:57:47] That's in fact, I was going to say, and I don't remember where I got this from. Uh, but forgiveness is for me, reconciliation is for them. Yeah. Forgiveness is what's happening in here. And that's what impacts me reconciliation. If they want to, if they have done something that's hurt me and they want to reconcile, then they can make some new choices.
And if they don't, then they won't. I don't get to decide what they choose to do. And, and that's hard. So if you had three tips that you wanted to leave everyone with, okay,
Jodi Gambini: [00:58:27] your story's not over, you just move me to a new chapter. Your story's not over the book's not done. Like that is one of the best ones that I would say is sometimes when you have something so unexpected, you think that the rest of your story and the happily ever after it's not going to happen when something shifts start to celebrate it, because that means your story's not over.
And then let's see, just allow to let go of certain things. So your hands can be open to receive. And the last is process through forgiving other people. That's awesome.
Damaged Parents: [00:59:16] I think those are three great things. Yeah. I'm really honored to be able to interview you today.
Jodi Gambini: [00:59:22] Thank you for having me.
Damaged Parents: [00:59:23] Thank you, you for listening to this week's episode of relatively damaged by damaged parents, we really enjoy talking to Jody about how she overcame debilitating depression. We especially liked when she taught us how the journey of life is like connecting dots. Sometimes you go a different direction than expected.
And that's part of the adventure tonight with other damaged people connect with us on Instagram. Look for damaged parents. This podcast was sponsored in part by arches audio. We'll be here next week. Still relatively damaged. See you then.
