Episode 54: Don’t Let the Disability Fool You

Domo Jones

My name is Dominique and I’m just a girl that wants to share her story to as many people as I can hoping to help just one. I’m a business owner with a disability, a Master Life Coach with muscle weakness, a podcast host that breaks the stigma and an author with a bold personality...I contradict every rule out there!! So now that you know me, you know we’re friends forever, right?! oh and thee most important things you need to know: I love earmuffs and I love YOU!!

Social media and contact information:

Www.thedomojones.info
@smilewithsneakers
@authour_withearmuffs

Podcast Transcript:

Damaged Parents: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents where disabled, non operable, stigma, breaking people come to learn. Maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged. Someone once told me it's safe to assume. 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way. I would venture to say it's closer to 100%.

 Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about. In my ongoing investigation of the damage self, I want to better understand how others view their own challenges. Maybe it's not so much about the damage. Maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it. There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be.

How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience? My hero is the damaged person. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side, whole. Those who stare directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover their purpose. These are the people who inspire me to be more fully me.

Not in Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advice.

The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them. Today, we're going to talk with Domo Jones. She has many roles in her life, daughter, sister hosts of the podcast. Don't let the disability fool you. Author. Business owner, master life, coach, and more. We'll talk about how she has struggled with disabilities since the age of nine and how she found health and healing. Let's talk.  

Welcome Domo Jones to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. If you don't know her, I bet she would tell you. She's just a girl that's wants to share her story with as many people as she can. Thank you Domo for coming to the show.

Domo Jones: [00:02:12] I appreciate it. Thank you for the opportunity. I can't wait. It's going to be fun.

Damaged Parents: [00:02:16] I know. Right. Okay. So in our pre podcast conversation, I noticed a tattoo on your hand that said healed. Where did that come from? What was the inspiration behind it?

Domo Jones: [00:02:29] Man. Okay. So this was probably like my second tattoo that I have. And I'm gonna tell you it was the most painful one. because it's right on my bone. So I was like, oh, why did I even do that? So I have the word healed on my hand because, it pretty much tells my life. It's like a conversation starter, I guess I would say I get a lot of people ask me, like, why?

Like where'd you get healed from? It stemmed from like my story, my life story, I'm disabled 33. Um, Had a brain tumor, had two brain surgeries. I had radiation for five weeks, five days a week. And I did chemotherapy for six years. I did 187 chemo treatments. With me having a tattoo saying I'm healed.

It may not look like to the natural eye, but, it's very rare that you find someone that's been through all that and they still here. So I know I'm healed.

Damaged Parents: [00:03:27] so your disability showed up at 33, you didn't have a disability before that.

Domo Jones: [00:03:31] No, I had a disability at nine

Damaged Parents: [00:03:33] Oh, at nine. Okay.

Domo Jones: [00:03:35] Yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:03:35] You had a brain tumor.

Domo Jones: [00:03:37] So from that, I was deaf in my right ear. I had some blindness, my right side, stop growing, permanent nerve damage um, muscle weakness. Yeah. That all started when I was nine. So I've been dealing with the, from nine up until today. 33.

Damaged Parents: [00:03:53] Oh, oh, when you're. Okay. So

Domo Jones: [00:03:56] Yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:03:56] I saw,

Domo Jones: [00:03:59] No, no, no, it's okay.

Damaged Parents: [00:04:00] yeah. So at nine, what was that like dealing with a disability like that at nine? Like, what was that struggle like?

Domo Jones: [00:04:10] Man, I think the biggest struggle was, being that age and not being able to do what, like my cousins and people, my age were able to do. skate. I still can't ride a bike because I have balance issues. One side is shorter than the other, so I can't reach, the pedal. And then also, my balance is off.

That is like the whole main thing about riding a bike and skating. You gotta, keep your balance. So those are a few things that I never was able to do probably now because technology and everything has advanced, but, yeah, other than that, it wasn't really as hard as like an average person, meaning like I wasn't bullied or any of that sort.

But I typically did like the normalcy of life. I was in girl Scouts. I played the piano. I was in jazz and tap. I was only in jazz and tap for three days, but I was in it, like I was in the class.

Damaged Parents: [00:05:10] That's great. So do you think that having the disability gave you an edge? That maybe people without a challenge like that would have, or wouldn't have.

Domo Jones: [00:05:24] I definitely do because it raised my confidence to like an ultimate high because I have a physical disability now others do have mental disabilities, but I have a physical. So when you see me. Like that it comes with it. I had to understand that that is a part of me. It's not who I am.

It's just what I have. So with that comes with who I am. It's a part of my, my limitation. I see it as limitation, which. In reality, everyone has. Mine you can just see mine is just visible. But it definitely gave me a sense of confidence to where, can't nobody really like down me or say anything negative about me because I'm comfortable in who I am.

I'm Okay,

I'm good. I can still do things.

Damaged Parents: [00:06:13] So do you think with the physical disability that, like you said, you walk in, people see it right away

that maybe coming to acceptance because it's not an invisible disability was, do you think maybe, I mean, I don't know if that would be easier or harder as having an invisible disability versus a visible.

Domo Jones: [00:06:34] I know. I it's so hard to say because. I don't see what I go through , as more, or as less as the next, because I honestly like in anyone's condition, even if they have like a mental condition, I don't know if I'd be able to handle that. And I deal with a lot, but I don't know if I'd be able to take on that and still be sane.

But with the physical disability, it definitely, can take a toll on you remembering that you have value. Because like I said, like even growing up, there's even still to this day, there's a lot of things I can't do. Or, what I can do, I have to do it in a different way from everyone else because my right hand is weaker because my right hand closes because, my, my right side is shorter.

I'll give you an example so everyone has pretty much the same size shoe. Right? We get a pair of shoes. Boom. I wear a seven and a half. Alright, let me get a seven and a half. Well, my struggle is on my left foot. I wear a size seven on my right foot. I wear a size five and a half.

Damaged Parents: [00:07:39] Oh, so you have to buy two pairs of shoes every time you buy shoes.

Domo Jones: [00:07:43] Yes. So the struggle.

Damaged Parents: [00:07:46] Yeah.

Domo Jones: [00:07:46] Getting shoes has always been the worst for me.

It's always been the worst, cause I've always dealt with this since I was nine. That's something that can really like, get to me because I look at, I just use my mom. I look at my mom, she'll buy her one pair of shoes and she'd be on her way. I gotta try them on. I gotta make sure they're comfortable because I wear a leg brace

so I got to make sure that they're secure because I have weak ankles. So it's so much that I have to deal with that can really like, take a toll on me if I'm comparing myself to someone that doesn't have to.

Damaged Parents: [00:08:19] So I heard you say something earlier about not being able to find your value or remember your value because of these challenges.

Domo Jones: [00:08:27] Mhm.

Damaged Parents: [00:08:28] And I'm thinking at some point you learned to differentiate from the physical versus the value as a person. And do you remember like that day or what happened around those thoughts that you could explain to others?

Domo Jones: [00:08:42] Yeah, definitely. So, I guess I would say I learned. At a latter age, meaning I learned when I was probably about 28. I'm 33. So it took me some time. And that was because I was so used to dealing with something. It just kind of became a checklist. I didn't know what it looked like outside of going to the hospital outside of having surgery.

I didn't know what that looked like. So it was during my my six years of chemo and I was at the time. I was working, I was going to school and I was kind of like living the quote-unquote average life at my age at 21. And then it's like, when I turned 22, when I found out that I had to have chemotherapy, everything got shut down.

I couldn't even drive. I couldn't do anything. That's where losing my value came in after that, um, when I started writing my book. And then when I actually saw it tangibly in my hand with my name, my words, and my writing, like it was something that I accomplished that I never thought that I can do anything because everything was stripped from me.

That was when I knew like, man Domo, like you've been through so much, but you telling your story, turn into a whole book, and now you're an author. What?

Damaged Parents: [00:09:57] Right. And that's so exciting and beautiful. I mean, if someone told you that they were disabled or they came up to you and they were struggling in that situation, what would you say to them and how did you get in getting there? What are some steps or something.

Domo Jones: [00:10:14] Yeah, definitely I would have to say, first of all, the confident and being okay. with not being perfect. We always try to. Be like, of course social media has just like tainted the whole world of how we're supposed to live and how we're supposed to be of perfection quote unquote.

But I guess I would say to them, like, be okay with having a limitation or a setback it's okay. Use that as your advantage, meaning if you have to take days of rest. If you had to just shut your body down, it's okay. Because that's a part of self care. That's a part of self healing. Right.

And it's hard from the inside out. And also I would say find, a passion of yours, whatever that passion is like, love on that and grow that water, that thing. I'm a word person. I love words. I love affirmations. So writing became a passion because I already liked words.

So I just wrote it to me. And I wrote in my story that's words. That's me.

Damaged Parents: [00:11:21] So when you were writing it, you were kind of writing it for yourself.

Domo Jones: [00:11:24] Yes. Growing up. I never, when I was going through all my challenges, every time I went to the hospital. I never had a feeling of what that felt like. Like someone would ask me, like, dang, you had radiation, how'd you feel? And I'm like, I don't know. It was just like waking up every day.

How'd you feel? It didn't mean anything to me. It's like brushing your teeth. You brush your teeth today. Okay.

Well, I had radiation. that's how I compared it. And in reality, it's like, you're not really dealing with the emotion of that. To be honest you're really not. You're just like going through the motion, but you're not dealing with the emotion, right.

That comes along with it. That that's the real story of how you can go through things and how you can tell people how to overcome, because if you share your real life experiences, then they're like, man I could relate. With me writing my book was literally the very first time I actually had to feel what that felt like in each aspect of my life. What that looked like, going through. I didn't even realize I was 350 pounds at 16. I didn't realize I was going through a depression and I was just eating my life away. And I didn't want to kill myself, but. Something detrimental happened to me and I died. I'd be okay.

That's depression.

Damaged Parents: [00:12:39] Yeah. Like, so you had no idea that you were disassociating, that all these things were happening from just so that you could cope with this traumatic experience of having a disability.

Domo Jones: [00:12:55] Did not know. And the funny thing is when I actually decided to write my book, I'm thinking I'm done. I'm like mom, yo, I wrote my book. Check this out. She read it she said you missing about eight years of your life, man. You're not done like at all. I don't know what you thought you was writing.

I was like, wait, what? Go back to the drawing board. You're not done at all.

Damaged Parents: [00:13:19] Did you skip over a lot of that pain and the struggle?

Domo Jones: [00:13:22] Yes. I skipped over so much. And I didn't even know, like, I didn't know so much to where I had to record my mom talking, telling me what I went through. And then when she was telling me, and when I started writing it, I remembered and all of those emotions came up.

Damaged Parents: [00:13:38] Okay. That sounds like it might be a super healing process.

Domo Jones: [00:13:42] I definitely agree with you. It got me, it got me to feel again. Like you said earlier I disassociate myself with my feelings because I feel like. I've always gone through something. So I gotta be strong. Like if I feel any type of weakness, then I won't be able to finish chemotherapy. I won't be able to finish any medical or any illness that I dealt with. So I was just like, let me just get through it and then keep pushing to the next thing.

Damaged Parents: [00:14:10] Yeah, which was actually really helpful. At the time because it helped you get through it.

Domo Jones: [00:14:16] Right,

Damaged Parents: [00:14:17] Right. But now it's like, oh, I have to go back and deal with that. I mean, that's kind of what it sounds like to me is what you're saying is like, okay, well, that's fine. You can do that. And then maybe go back and cope with it later.

Domo Jones: [00:14:34] Yes. Yes. But the beautiful thing about that, about going back, I say, going back to your first words, right? So the beautiful thing about that is I was able to have a book about it and I was able to write about it. If I was at that state in my life, to where I didn't feel anything, I don't think my book would be published because it wouldn't be a story.

It would be a checklist.

Damaged Parents: [00:14:56] Yeah. And I'm thinking you probably had to be ready, like to face it.

Domo Jones: [00:15:00] Yes.

Damaged Parents: [00:15:01] And were you alone when you were writing or? Oh my gosh, your eyes just got so big.

 Domo Jones: [00:15:12] How'd you know.

Damaged Parents: [00:15:15] I didn't I'm just one. I mean, I don't know. I'm thinking in my struggles sometimes I don't want to share them with other people.  , I think that they're my responsibility and that I need to just handle it. And so I think that I would be afraid to share. Maybe that's where that came from.

 Domo Jones: [00:15:38] I totally understand that?

Damaged Parents: [00:15:40] Yeah, so I'm thinking, I mean, this was a huge struggle. I mean, were there tears, what were those emotions like as you really just. learned to I'm going to say this because I think just based on your personality, that you really accepted who you are and where you came from during that process.

And yet how in the world did you do that?  alone with paper.

Domo Jones: [00:16:04] So like, man, like I said, I hide my emotions. Right. So I think if you were talking to my mom today, she probably would tell you, I probably have cried in my life. Maybe like seven or eight times. And then like two minutes later, I'm like, all right, let's go. That's how I, that's how I lived. Right. So when I was actually writing my story, I would write it at like

two and three o'clock in the morning when it's like dead silent. No, one's around. It's still kind of dark outside. It's just me and my thoughts. Because I didn't want to be distracted and I wanted to actually like sit and soak in that because I want, wanted to heal.

And then I wanted to tell the most genuine story about my view of what I went through.

Damaged Parents: [00:16:53] Would you say that you reconnected to your heart?

Domo Jones: [00:16:56] Oh, that's good. Wow. That was, I liked those words. That was nice. Yes, I definitely. Oh, that was I'm just one of those, you know, I'm about to steal that because that was a really good line that was a really good line. I'm going to give you your credit, but that was a really good line. Yes, I definitely did.

A hundred percent.

Damaged Parents: [00:17:18] I'm just wondering if it, if it took that quiet time of the morning, when it felt like no one else was around to just really sit in your heart and connect to what those feelings were in the loss of, and the sadness of what you went through and what you didn't get to experience.

Domo Jones: [00:17:36] I definitely I definitely would say yes, because if I'm looking at myself now compared to how I was let's just say two years ago. I written my book during the pandemic it's still very new. Right. I guess I would say from then when anyone would ask me what I would go through, I would just give them my answer.

Damaged Parents: [00:17:58] Right. Like the facts.

Domo Jones: [00:18:00] Yeah but I would give them the basic answer and no emotion, no feeling, just like the basic answer, the Google answer. I would give them that. And I

Damaged Parents: [00:18:09] I'm sorry. I'm laughing at Google answer.

Domo Jones: [00:18:12] I would, I would give them that we're going to answer. and that's the Web MD is what you're getting and If I compare that to now, because after I've written my book, I've done a lot of interviews.

So that's a lot of me sharing my story repetitively which I don't mind. But now I'm so much more in debt and I speak on it with even more confidence. To where I'm like, yeah, I've been through this. Yeah. I was depressed. Yeah, I was. And I'm Okay.

with that because I dealt with it.

Damaged Parents: [00:18:45] I guess what I'm hearing you say is that in dealing with the fact that you went through depression and you suffered that because you were able to go in and, maybe love that part of yourself, that now you can stand up proudly and be like, yeah, I've been there. that.

Domo Jones: [00:19:03] Yes, I can definitely stand up with more confidence. cause I couldn't stand. I'm the background person like put me in the back. I don't like to be seen. I don't want to be noticed. Both my parents are both pastors, my stepdad and my biological dad. So my name is being called all the time and I'm just like put me in the back.

And I say that because. I felt like everyone already knew my story

Damaged Parents: [00:19:29] Cause they were telling it.

Domo Jones: [00:19:31] right, And I'm like, y'all knows. So I'm have to give you the basic answer. Cause you already know. Are y'all asking to be nosy, like what are you asking for? But in reality, they're asking because they really don't know.

They're just going by what my parents have been through, but not what I actually. Been through personally, like what does that look like from my view? So yeah, it. definitely gave me even greater confidence in sharing my story and being okay with that.

Damaged Parents: [00:20:00] Yeah. Now you also have a podcast and I love the title. Don't Let the Disability Fool You, right?

Domo Jones: [00:20:08] Yes.

Damaged Parents: [00:20:09] Like where did that come from? How did you come up with it?

Domo Jones: [00:20:13] Yeah.

Okay. So don't let the disability for you has been my motto for years. I think that's been my motto since I started radiation at 16. Because I am not one of those disabled people in the disabled community that just like sit at home and do nothing and just like watch all the TV shows.I'm like no we about to go travel.

We about to go do this. We got to go to concerts. We're going bowling. Alright I'm there too. We're going skating. Okay. I can't skate but I'm about to be at the rink though. Like I'm that one. Like, I don't really let too much, stop me. I do know my limitation and reality sets in, like, you really can't do that, but I'm still not going to let that stop me.

I'll go painting. I'll go paint balling. I go sky diving. Like I go everywhere. Right.

Damaged Parents: [00:21:10] So I think what I hear you saying, I just want to clarify real quick or make sure I'm understanding is that while maybe you can't physically participate, you're going to be there and engage on an emotional level.

Domo Jones: [00:21:23] Definitely. Yes.

Yeah. And with that, a lot of people were like, how in the world are you like everywhere doing all this stuff but then I see you like getting chemotherapy treatments or I see you like having surgery, like how, and I'm like, yo, don't let the disability fool you. Like I can do way more than what you physically see.

Damaged Parents: [00:21:45] Yeah, I'm wondering how much that has to do with your emotional resilience, because I hear you, you said you've got the physical. And yes, there are limitations to the physical and yet I'm wondering how much more of it might be on your ability to really have those emotions and want to enjoy life on the greater, level.

I don't, I don't know,

Domo Jones: [00:22:07] You know, I think it's a mental thing. I have a very, very strong, mental mindset. Like I think it could be like a bad thing though. can not really change my mind on what I think my mom's telling me you're so hardheaded.

Well, you taught me that  it's the confidence. I'm just like extremely confident in what I say and what I want to do. I do it. And there's nothing that is in front of me. That's going to stop that. Um, So I think it's a mental thing. I think my mind and I think growing up because my physical.

Was so low. I'm like, my mentality can't be low. We can't have two negatives. Like we got to have a positive negative. So some got to give. So because my physical is down and that wasn't my doing that came. I'm going to build up my mentality. I'm going to build up my mindset.

Damaged Parents: [00:23:01] Right now I'm thinking part of you though is also the same person who sits in the back of the room or doesn't want to be noticed, or they, you know,  and I love that you're this really complex person and that we're talking about all of those sides, because I'm thinking some days you might just stay home and do self care and other days you're out and about. You're shaking your finger at me.

Domo Jones: [00:23:29] Yeah. We already friends. Like you already know, you know, me so well, you know, and so that is me to the T there is some days and also I grew up the only challenge I was 16. So I don't mind being by myself. I don't have, I don't have any issue with that. But there are some days to where I take what's called shut down days. And sometimes they're two days, sometimes they're one day where I don't answer my phone. I just literally don't do anything. I kind of reset,

Damaged Parents: [00:24:00] Yeah.

Domo Jones: [00:24:00] Because I do like, my body gets weak sometime if I overdo it. And so I rather take those days  of setting down, then my body take it for me and it lasts about 3, 4, 5 days.

There are times where I'm just like, eh, exit out the world and there's times like, let's go, what we doing?

Damaged Parents: [00:24:19] Right. Okay. I mean, I see that sounds like self care because.

Domo Jones: [00:24:24] Yes.

Damaged Parents: [00:24:25] I hear you on both sides of the coin. Okay. let me just walk through this idea and you can tell me if I'm on the right track, but I hear self-care is also being social and participating. And self care also is taking that alone time and taking those days to recover so we can be I'm thinking it can be both.

It doesn't have to be either or consistantly.

Domo Jones: [00:24:48] Yeah, it's definitely a balance And I don't mind is the devil's workshop, right? So you don't want to be so isolated from the world to where you're not able to live. And that doesn't always include you just doing stuff by yourself. You have to, in order to have friends, you got to show yourself friendly.

So get in the world. There's so much in life that you can do be and see and I love experiencing new things. Right. I love that, but also I do love my times to where I grow myself personally. I don't need a lot of people around me to be okay,

Damaged Parents: [00:25:26] Yeah, definitely a balance. Okay. So. You need people and sometimes you don't need people. I got that. And I'm wondering if after some of those quiet times, or if some of those quiet moments, if you, how do I want to word this? Because okay. I'm thinking of those people with disabilities  that are at home and afraid to go out because of the struggle.

And I'm wondering if after your depression and things like that, if it was hard to go out and maybe if there were little steps that you took, or if you were just, okay, I'm breaking out of the shell let's go.

Domo Jones: [00:26:01] Well, with me I'm number two. So I'm that one that was snap out of it and be like, all right, let's go. But that's not everybody. That's just me personally. So what I would say to those people that do need those little baby steps, try little things. It doesn't have to be, like concert crowd.

But try like, going to a store, not a grocery store, but like a Ross or something somewhere where it's big, but it's not a lot of people. Start small, take walks just outside in the neighborhood. There's always people outside, so you're not going to be so crowded with so many people, but just try the outdoors. What I do, I do a lot. I go to dinner,

I go. to lunch myself and especially now with the COVID you're not going to get around a lot of people anyway, You're going to be isolated, but you're going to be around people if that makes sense. Just those like little things, those little steps.

It could be out for an hour, 30 minutes, 10 minutes, just sit outside in your backyard. Just little things to kind of, to kind of get you back in the routine of what the outside life and getting around people looks like.

Damaged Parents: [00:27:10] Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. And I'm thinking breathe

Domo Jones: [00:27:14] yeah. Yeah. Breathe. Like that's huge.

Damaged Parents: [00:27:18] Yeah. Is that a tool that you use also in your life?

Domo Jones: [00:27:22] Yes. I definitely do. I do yoga Two days a week.

Damaged Parents: [00:27:25] Two days a week. Nice.

Domo Jones: [00:27:26] Yes, I do yoga two days a week and it's definitely has just kind of given me a lot more peace. I think a lot. And sometimes I kind of like make up scenarios in my head. When I'm kinda like confused on like what's going on with like that strange

so I kind of finished the story,

Damaged Parents: [00:27:43] What do you mean you now? You got to explain it.

Domo Jones: [00:27:46] Okay. For example, like say if a friend of mine like we talked like maybe like three, four days a week. Right. And then she just like, doesn't talk for like a few days. Right. Just like out the clear blue doesn't say anything, but she doesn't talk to me a few days. I will sometimes I'll come up with a scenario.

Like, did I say something that I do something like what happened? And it could be that's her me-time or it could be, I was sick or it could be, my phone was dead. I didn't pay the bill. You know, Something that's not So as heavy as I may think. But when things like switch up on me, I'm just like, well, what happened?

Well, why are you? What,

Damaged Parents: [00:28:24] Okay. So it sounds like you go sometimes to go to that the worst case scenario. And I love that you come up with a bunch of different possibilities,

Domo Jones: [00:28:35] Yes.

Damaged Parents: [00:28:36] Like that, so that it's not about, I guess you like. So your first inclination is to be, I must have done something wrong or I'm sick, bad and wrong.

And because I'm sick, bad and wrong, then that's why they're not talking to me.

So how long would you say it takes you to have that conversation with yourself? I mean, and actually if you had that conversation, you know, like a year or so ago with yourself, and what's the difference that you've noticed now.

Domo Jones: [00:29:07] Man. What typically when, when people switch up on me, I would just cut them off. Like there would be no explanation. I would just cut them off and I'm like, whoa, I haven't changed. So why are you switching up? Like what you could have just said something, you know? So I would just go straight all the way to the extreme, like to the red, just cut them off.

Like with no nothing. Now I come up with maybe different, realistic, reasons. And then I also think about where they're at in life. They could be married, they could be pregnant, they could have children. Their work schedule could have changed. You know, You just never know.

So now I just kind of based it off of who the person is and where they are in life. And then also how close we are in our friendship, because if we're close, then there shouldn't be like a question of doubt as to severing the relationship that, that shouldn't be.

Damaged Parents: [00:30:02] right. Okay. So  if you have a close relationship with the person then what I hear you saying is, okay, that reassures you, that they're not going to cut you off. That that's not what this is. And because you know, that's not what this is. You can be at peace with it.

Domo Jones: [00:30:16] Yes. Yeah. And definitely and then I just um, if it has been a few days, I reach out. Everything good, you good? You straight? But I don't like I don't harbor on it too much because then that will mess up my flow. I don't put anyone that much in the forefront of my mind, to where it is going, miss who I am, or you're not that important.

I love you, but you're not that important. Where are you gonna mess me up?

Damaged Parents: [00:30:43] Right. So it's not that they're not important to you it's that you are also important to you now would you say two years ago to go through that process of that thought process that we're talking about would take maybe a few days or an hour, and then now maybe it only takes an hour or would you say, I mean, you know, like what are those timeframe differences, do you think?

Domo Jones: [00:31:07] I definitely would say maybe about two, two and a half years ago. A few days. Now it's probably like 20 minutes, 30 minutes. I was thinking about it and then I just continue on. And I think that also plays into, because now, I have so much to do. I'm a little bit more busy, so I don't have time to think of like the negative so much.

I just kinda like, oh, well, some I wonder now I'm like, oh, I wonder

Damaged Parents: [00:31:37] Hm.

Domo Jones: [00:31:38] back then I'd be like, man, I done said something. She done did something we ain't cool no like, I would just go just so extreme now I'm just like, Hm. I'll say something's a little different, I wonder what happened, everything good?

Damaged Parents: [00:31:53] Yeah. Well, and I love that there is a time difference that you recognize, that it took days versus 20 minutes, 30 minutes or so, there were a couple of things that you really pointed out that I think are really beautiful tools for anyone going through that struggle. And that's more on the emotional side even than the physical.

So what I think I'm picking up on from you is that the real struggle. It's not been the physical. It's been the emotional,

Domo Jones: [00:32:19] Oh my gosh, I'm an emotional wreck guys

 Damaged Parents: [00:32:23] I don't know about that, but.

Domo Jones: [00:32:27] It really is. It really is my emotions. I think because I don't show them. I always tend to say that I don't have them when they come. It's just like so extreme.

Damaged Parents: [00:32:38] What do you mean by that? When or frustration or sadness come their extreme when joy and excitement comes, they're extreme or what I mean,

Domo Jones: [00:32:46] Yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:32:46] polar opposite ends?

Domo Jones: [00:32:48] I'm actually, I'm very like live and I'm always smiling. I will tell anybody. I love them. I'm always that person. I don't really let, even like when I'm not feeling well, you probably will never know  that my pain level was at like a 14, because I'll be like this.

Right. So, That side of me, I never changed but when I get like upset, I just like shut all the way down. And I started like, my sarcasm is like to a 45.

Damaged Parents: [00:33:19] It's like a hundred percent.

 Domo Jones: [00:33:22] will, like hurt feelings. I'm like, oh my God, like relaxed. So when I get, it takes me a while to get upset. I guess I would say I don't get mad because like, I'm not angry. Like, dang, you won't see me yelling. You won't hear me yelling. This is probably like the tone that I'm always am.

But it's the conversation of what I say

Damaged Parents: [00:33:43] Right.

Domo Jones: [00:33:43] you'll know that there's something wrong or that's when the emotion, the emotions side of my flares up.

Damaged Parents: [00:33:50] Now does the pain kick you into those emotions? Or like if you're dealing with someone, does it, I guess, make your fuse shorter, like your ability to cope with a challenge,

Domo Jones: [00:34:04] in a sense I think I would say It's like, I get irritated so fast. And I've definitely grown from that though. But I used to get irritated from like people chewing I would just be like, oh my God, I'm about to lose it., why are you talking like that? Has your parents ever taught you how to close your mouth?

Like I was just say, I was just like, think of little things like that and I'm like, Domonique like why is it so hostile? Like why does everything have to be so hostile? Why are you so on edge all the time? It's not that serious. Maybe that's just how they chew. You don't know, like they could have a nasal congestion, like you got issues so that people could have an issue with, and they never say nothin' but they irritated with you too. Show some grace. When I dealt with writing with the book and I seen all the stuff that I've been through, I was like, wow. These people had to, my friends and my family had to deal with those things with me.

And they still stuck with me my damages.

Damaged Parents: [00:35:03] Yeah.

Domo Jones: [00:35:04] So why not show grace to people that you may not agree with? That may not be your cup of tea. Like I said, I have an issue with people like chewing super loud, but someone may have an issue with me always saying, I love you to random people.

Like you don't know me, how you learn, you know what I'm saying? show some grace. Show some grace.

Damaged Parents: [00:35:24] Yeah,

I love that. That's very accepting just to give room for people to be where they're at and who they are in that moment. And even in our conversation, I've just learned that the real struggles, the emotion.

Domo Jones: [00:35:40] Yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:35:41] And, and the physical, yeah, the pain is there and it sucks, but you're still going to have a smile on your face and most people will not know unless that emotions get triggered.

Domo Jones: [00:35:52] Yep. Very true.

Damaged Parents: [00:35:55] Okay. We are at that point in the podcast, I surprise my guests and ask them for three tips or tools we may or may not have already talked about for the listeners that they can do right now, if they want to.

Domo Jones: [00:36:08] Yeah.

Oh, you put me on the spot. All right, let's go. The first tip is be comfortable in your limitation. Be okay. The comparison to others won't make you any better or any less, Be you  that's one two show grace, show grace to people that you feel like you may not agree with, or you feel like they just don't get it show grace. And especially when it comes to someone that's physically disabled.

A lot of people that don't have a disability don't really know what it looks like to deal with what your disability is, they're still here.

Damaged Parents: [00:36:50] And they're trying.

Domo Jones: [00:36:52] And they're trying.

at least give 'em that, help them show them how to treat you cause they don't know. And the last one is it's so it's so simple, but it's very rare is always smile there's so much to be grateful for. There's so much anyone that knows me knows you won't hear me say anything negative. I always have like a positive connotation. I'll always find the up side of things because there's so much to be grateful for. We've lived through a whole pandemic and we still here.

Like an entire one. People have literally died from COVID who have never even been sick at all ever. And they've passed, but we were the remnant, we were the few that were graced enough to still be here. That's a whole celebration, right there. And you have a disability. And you have a limitation and we still here let's go. Ain't nobody stop us.

Damaged Parents: [00:37:50] That's right. Domo Jones. I am so glad I got to have you on the show today. Thank you so much.

Domo Jones: [00:37:57] Thank you again too. I appreciate it. You're dope.

 Damaged Parents: [00:38:00] Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We've really enjoyed talking to Domo about how she owns her physical disability. We especially liked when she spoke of her disability as just one part of who she is and she is way more than that.

To unite with other damaged people, connect with us on Instagram. Look for damaged parents will be here next week. Still relatively damaged See ya then.