Episode 79: An Unsuspecting Lightworker Comes of Age

Dianne Allen

Nationally known speaker Dianne A. Allen, brings her technically eclectic style when working with gifted and visionary adults, teens, and families. Through her raw experience, education, and decades of serving creative and smart people, Dianne has crafted unique and inspired ways to bring out the best in everyone.
Dianne uses her creative genius, intuition in combination with her education to offer unique programs with that special touch. Being and Visionary Mentor, Dianne uses her gift of intuition as a leading force in her work. She creates custom experiences for each client based on specific requests as well as being guided by her intuition. Her work is relational and in-depth, seeking to lead with authenticity to create a safe place for each person to attain the transformation goals they most desire. Many of Dianne’s twice exceptional clients are musicians or athletes who have that unique intuitive edge in their craft. Often this unique edge is misunderstood by others or even the person themselves; this is where Dianne’s unique and personal approach is second to none. Deep listening and hearing what is not being said are a couple of the talents that Dianne brings to each interaction. Many say that Dianne is a great question asker that helps create Aha moments on a regular basis. Dianne offers several programs varying from 4 weeks to 6 months and longer. All programs have varied involvement.

Social media and contact information:

www.msdianneallen.com or www.visionsapplied.com
https://www.facebook.com/dianneaallenma
https://www.instagram.com/dianne_a_allen/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/dianneallen/
members.someonegetsme.com

Podcast Transcript:

Damaged Parents: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents where overexcited, confused, unique people come to learn maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged. Someone once told me it's safe to assume. 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way. I would venture to say it's closer to 100%.

Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about.

In my ongoing investigation of the damage self, I want to better understand how others view their own challenges. Maybe it's not so much about the damage, maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it. There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience?

My hero is the damaged person. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side hole. Those who stare directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover their purpose. These are the people who inspire me to be more fully me. Not in spite of my trials, but because of them, let's hear from another hero.

Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advice. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them.

Today, we're going to talk with Dianne Allen. She has many roles in her life, daughter, sister national speaker, gifted, visionary, and more. We'll talk about how she didn't understand her gift of being a visionary or that she was over excitable with her emotions and how she found health and healing.

Let's talk.  

 Welcome to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We have Dianne Allen here today, so glad you're here.

Dianne Allen: [00:02:05] Oh, thank you for having me on the show. We're going to have a great time talking about a very tricky sometimes subject.

Damaged Parents: [00:02:11] Right? Yeah. Because when I was reading your sheet and we had just talked about this was you wrote, emotional over excitability and trying to deal with an insensitive world as your struggle. And I am definitely excited to hear about that. The other thing I'm excited about is, uh, I had asked you, if you could give a title to your story, what would it be?

And it was an Unsuspecting Lightworker Comes Of Age, just would love to have some history on that one.

Dianne Allen: [00:02:40] kind of actually go together, out of the struggle, that would be my title. In fact, in one of my books, I have seven books out now and in one of my books, The epilogue is that Unsuspecting Lightworker comes of age. And, and I still think that would be the name of my life. But I think by over excitability has created a struggle that has started when I was very young and it continues today.

It's not like an episodic thing that it's done, even though there's episodic situations that are done.

Damaged Parents: [00:03:11] Okay. So what does over excitability mean to you and what you feel in what happens or maybe give us an example

Dianne Allen: [00:03:20] Okay. A little bit of backstory over excitability is that term was coined by Dr. Dubroski in the back. I believe in the forties. And it's unique to people who are gifted, which is the high intelligence kind of geeky, outlier, brain development, people who don't fit in a box. I don't fit in any box.

And there's multiple overexcitabilities that's, there's five different ones, but one of the big ones is an emotional over excitability, meaning. Okay. I feel everything very, very deeply and very strongly. So , if something would happen and you would say, Oh, that's sad, I could be crying.

And with the same experience, because I feel so deeply. And so when you're in a world that's kind of fast moving and a little bit insensitive or a lot insensitive, in some cases it's very easy to be misunderstood or not understood or judged for having intense emotions. Cause it's not mental illness.

It's not bipolar disorder. It's not because something's wrong. It's actually, because my brain was wired with a certain level of sensitivity. That's turned into my superpower as I got older and understood what to do with it. But like when I was younger, I mean, the first thing I thought of when I was answering your question was, I don't remember how old I was.

I was probably seven or eight maybe. And something had happened. I don't even know what it was, but I know that I was crying and my mother looked at me and said, your bladder's too close to your eyes. Just stop it. yeah, it was really, traumatic  and there were lots of those verbal trauma things.

Most of my younger life and, and other people might say, Oh, that's just get over it. You need thick skin. It's no big deal. She didn't mean to harm me as much as it harmed me, you know, she wasn't trying to. But it felt that big, and then there was a time where my parents were fighting and suicide crisis line.

They'd just advertise. You could call if you needed help, they didn't even call it suicide crisis line call. If you need, you know, you need to talk to somebody. And I'm like, and I knew I was in high school, then I called and they put me on hold and then hung up on me.

Damaged Parents: [00:05:09] Oh, dear.

Dianne Allen: [00:05:10] Somebody who's got an emotional excitability could easily have those kinds of situations happen that are clearly not about the person, but feels like they are. And so without that skill, it could be, you know, that somebody's teaching you, it's not about you. It could really kill self-esteem and everything.

Damaged Parents: [00:05:26] Okay. So you're when you're talking about over excitability. So I heard you say so if I said something was sad, you might be crying. Does that also happen with anger, frustration, happiness? Is it just the full spectrum of emotion

Dianne Allen: [00:05:40] Yes. Yes. It's with every spectrum of emotion. If I get excited, I'm like jumping beans. It's crazy. You know, if I get angry, it can, I can get really angry and it, and once the energy blows out, like if I'm mad about something and I'm venting once it. Travels through the loop of the over excitability it's done.

So it's not because it's a harbored, resentment or stuck in anger because it's not, it's just a very deep expression of it. And then it's gone. And so that's why it's not some kind of mental illness and it gets misjudged for that a lot, but it's not, it's just like, okay. I feel it very deeply. And if something goes South or something goes wrong or something hurts my feelings or I'm overjoyed about something.

I'm, I'll be expressing it with much more. I call it like a 3D surround sound experience versus a black and white TV, you know, it's like, it's, it's a whole different reality.

Damaged Parents: [00:06:34] Right. Okay. So I'm thinking, not having that insight. Younger probably created some significant challenges for you.

Dianne Allen: [00:06:42] Yes. It did mostly in my relationships with my peers, because when you're little, you think everybody's like you and nobody's like us, I didn't know that. And so I had a lot of difficulty with some friendships. I'm also very introverted. So. When I would put myself out, if something would happen, then I wouldn't put myself out again.

If it, if it scared me or upset me or hurt me or whatever. So it was, it became, I became really quiet and kind of introvert, you know, more introverted over the years.

Damaged Parents: [00:07:10] Okay. So you would have like friends and. Something would happen when you stepped out to kind of be proud about something you did maybe, and then it wasn't taken the way that you wanted it to, or, I mean, just as an example and then,

Dianne Allen: [00:07:25] Yep.

Damaged Parents: [00:07:26] Okay.

Dianne Allen: [00:07:27] and another big example that pops in my head. When you say that was we were all starting to drive cars. I was in high school and I got out a little early from high school and I had a friend of mine who would drive by at my house to pick me up and take me to school and come back.

And we've been friends for years and years and years, and it was fun, cause I didn't have a car yet. And I really liked hanging out with her. We always had so much fun. And so one day. I don't remember where it was. I think it was in the driveway at my house. Actually, she was dropping me off and I said to my, I think I said it to my mom.

I don't remember who I talked to, but I said something about how cool it was to have my own private person driving me to, and from school, I thought it was really exciting and fun. And that's how our days was. She got so mad at me. She's never spoken to me since, because she heard that I insulted her and was.

basically calling her a servant, which was not anywhere near my intention, my voice tone, the affect on my face with smiling. I was like, happy. I thought it was fun. I was like, basically saying, it's so fun then that we do this, but she didn't hear it that way. And so I lost a really good friend over something quite innocent.

And for whatever reason, she wasn't able to say anything to me about it. And she wouldn't respond to me trying to. Figure out why she was mad. So I've had a couple of those kinds of situations where I'm just being me with my intensity and it gets totally misunderstood and not heard. And the manner in which it was being field felt.

Damaged Parents: [00:08:52] Okay. So you're having these feelings. You're thinking you're coming across one way and they're interpreting it as another. And then the answer for you is to just go inside,

Dianne Allen: [00:09:01] Yeah, back then the answer was to go inside today. I have it. I have a different way of handling it, but I didn't know that I still didn't know then that what an over excitability was. I didn't know that it was a thing. I didn't know how to educate. Like now I educate my friends about it. And I have other over excitabilities too.

So my people in my world now know about it. In fact, now, if I have one of those intense days, I'll go up with the tornado, comes to calm, no big deal. Like, because that's how I am. But, and now I mostly hang out with other people with over excitability. So it's, a known thing, but people think that sometimes when you're smart and you have these things, it's easy, life is easier.

The truth is it's not easier. It's harder. It's much harder than people think. So there was all of that challenge growing up. I mean, I didn't start really understanding these things about myself until I was probably in my thirties.

Damaged Parents: [00:09:50] Okay.

Dianne Allen: [00:09:51] So, you know, now I get it, but back then, and even now, sometimes I still get misunderstood, but now I just laugh about it and go, okay, so you don't get it.

Damaged Parents: [00:09:59] and it sounds to me like getting to know this about yourself and I'm thinking you were checked for mental illness or something, which is how you know that this is not a mental illness or how do you, how would one figure it out?

Dianne Allen: [00:10:11] Well, you would figure it out by talking to somebody who specializes in giftedness and understands it. I've never been checked for it. I'm a mental health professional I'm educated have several degrees. I've worked in personal development, mental health and addiction field for over 40 years. And I actually learned about all of these things after becoming a professional in the mental health field.

And so I remember I spoke for the, gifted conference and then they said, you know, you can sit in on some of the other lectures. So I sat in and that's when I learned about this, I'm like, Oh, all the epiphany's like I have that that's me that, wait a second. That. and it was like this huge epiphany sitting unsuspectingly in an audience of a conference.

I presented, I did a talk on responsibility. And then I sat in on this, talk and it was about her excitability that I didn't know what they were like, I didn't know. It's a thing. And I'm like, Oh, talk about an epiphany. It's like, Okay. So I'm not crazy. There's something wrong with me. And all the self-doubt immediately went away.

And then I just dove into understanding how the neurology works, how it all works. Because what I also realized was my brother has 'em, my parents did my friends do the people who I'm close to and we didn't know it. Nobody had the language. So once I got the language. At the time I was a director of a large treatment center.

So of course I brought it back and started teaching my clients because a lot of them were struggling with this very same thing. And they were getting labeled as depressed or mentally ill and all that. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, hold on, hold on. You can have mental illness and things. And having over excitability, you can have both, but largely people didn't, they were just struggling and without an answer.

So I'm a big one on not pathologizing experience, you know? Really looking into it. So, it's really helped my clients over many years now and not only myself to be able to say, well, let's dissect it. Let's look at what's really happening. Let's look at all the different factors that could make it a mental illness or could make it just a situational thing, or it could make it that you have a unique brain development that's atypical.

And so therefore the rules are different and let's make friends with these parts of us so that we don't walk around thinking we're defective because maybe we're not as effective.

Damaged Parents: [00:12:15] Yeah. And I think a lot of people probably struggle with that. And in, in this world of labels, for lack of a better word,

Dianne Allen: [00:12:24] Right.

Damaged Parents: [00:12:26] so it sounds like by you understanding that you were just overexcited that, cause I heard you say doubt too, that this doubt just. Went away that you didn't have to have this self-doubt anymore, with your emotions.

yeah. I'm still struggling with how does one really figure it out? And it sounds like just having a conversation and investigating.

Dianne Allen: [00:12:46] Yeah, investigating. And the first thing I would tell somebody, if somebody is listening to me and they're like, Oh my gosh, I don't know what to do. Find somebody who's a professional in the gifted realm, whether it's a psychologist, who's professional in the gifted realm, they could contact me because I'm a professional in the gifted realm, but somebody who's actually educated and knowledgeable about giftedness, not just.

Somebody who says, well, I deal with smart people. It's this isn't just that there's more to it than that. So if you have a question about it going to just somebody who's classically trained, but doesn't specialize in giftedness is not going to do you the right service, the gifted person can tell you, is it mental illness?

Is it giftedness? Is it a blend what's going on? Because they understand the different brain development. So I always say, find a specialist in giftedness. There's myself. There's hundreds of us. You just have to find us.

Damaged Parents: [00:13:34] So it's not the same as like a prodigy though. Because it sounds like a prodigy would be different than gifted. Am I understanding that or no?

Dianne Allen: [00:13:43] A prodigy is within the gifted spectrum. That would be called usually exceptionally a profoundly gifted. Gifted and talented as a spectrum. So we have regular IQ and then we have talented IQ and then we have giftedness and then there's profoundly and exceptionally giftedness as you go up, as the IQ gets higher, the brain development is more asynchronous.

There's more atypical situations and more different combinations of over excitability. Cause there's more than one over excitability and you can have different variant degrees on all of them. So there's a lot of things to understand and consider. Which is why a specialist and giftedness is really the only place to go.

If you think it's, you.

Damaged Parents: [00:14:20] Okay. Well, I'm just learning so much because I didn't even think when I saw over excitability, I was like, okay. I just was like, okay, that I could understand that as a struggle. And, my thought is no struggle is too big or too small to be a struggle. Right. From my perception, because my perception is probably different than your perception of like, maybe one of my struggles seem small to you, right?

Like maybe you might have that same perception or thought. And so I'm, super grateful that I didn't just kind of think, Oh, over excitability. Okay. That's probably nothing, nothing too big, you

Dianne Allen: [00:14:59] Right. Cause it can, be really big. And the neat thing about it is there's so many things you can do to help yourself feel better and make friends with it. I, I teach people all the time, make friends with your quirkiness, make friends with your difference in your uniqueness. That the thing that maybe somebody might tell you is wrong with you is really the thing that's right with you.

And it's to flip the script on it and start to say, wow, like my ability to feel as deeply as I do pays off for every one of my clients, because all the people I work with, I can feel deeply into their world and empathize on levels. An average person cannot do

Damaged Parents: [00:15:34] Okay.

Dianne Allen: [00:15:34] feel so they feel heard and they feel understood in a way that nobody's ever been able to.

So I've turned it into my super power, so to speak.

Damaged Parents: [00:15:42] Right. So even through conversation though, that empathy from the overexcite ability can sneak in and well, not sneak in, it's probably a huge on your side. Right. And because of that, you're able to get a better understanding or maybe see something that maybe someone else wouldn't recognize.

Dianne Allen: [00:16:04] Oh all the time, all the time. In fact, when people first work with me the first hour, they always are done and they go, wow. Someone finally gets me, which someone gets me as the name of my podcast. So it's like, they finally feel heard on a deep soul level because I can listen very deeply. And so now I use it as my gift and my friend's benefit too, because I listened to them deeply too.

Damaged Parents: [00:16:25] Which is so important in this world. Right.

Dianne Allen: [00:16:28] Oh yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:16:29] I think that a lot of times it's really hard for people to feel heard. And so it's definitely an unnecessary thing and for a lot of people probably have, has to be practiced. Right. So with your excitability, then. Let's say you're working.

You've had this, challenging client or what have you, right. Or maybe they've just been at one spectrum of emotion, when you're done with that interaction, does that continue that feeling kind of continuing to have to just close the loop on, not close the loop, finish the loop, or however you want to say it to be able to move on.

Dianne Allen: [00:17:05] Yes. Usually the energy is still there. I kind of. Imagine it like a wave, you know? And,  so I have a lot of self care things. I do everything from float therapy and of course meditation sound therapy and you know, I have some Tibetans singing bowls and I have a lot of different things. So depending on the intensity and the timing and where I am, I have different ways to suit myself, including breathing, of course, using breath to calm the system.

Remind me. The neurology and the brain that it's all. Okay. It's all right. Intensity is fine. It just runs right through. It's like weather and then go on to the next thing. So it just takes a lot of awareness and a lot of willingness, to say, okay, this is like been really intense. Where's the self-care time right after it.

Like some people do self care once a week or once a year or never. For me, it's after everything I do like even after this interview, I have blocked off time to. Refuel, because when I'm giving on any level, then I need to refuel. So then that way everything stays more in integrity and more harmonious.

Damaged Parents: [00:18:07] Okay. So if you had been before your thirties, when you learned about this right before you just would have kept going

Dianne Allen: [00:18:13] yes, I would have kept going one thing after the other book my day, and then wonder why I was exhausted at the end of the day, and then done that for weeks and months, and then wonder why I crashed, you know, and sleep for however long or get angry or get upset for me when I get overly done, burned out, kind of, you know, like too much, too fast, I get kind of sad.

It's kind of like a grief sorrow thing, and I'm not really sad about anything. It's just heavy like that. So. I know, that's my body's way of saying you've gone, done too much, too fast. So now I have written into my schedule. I have it set up my life is set up to support that over excitability rather than let it deplete me and then try to figure out how to build it back up.

Damaged Parents: [00:18:52] Okay. So I think what I hear you saying is you specifically booked that time in, whereas before it would. Totally take over and then you'd crash and burn and then you'd have to start all over again. So that whole life, it sounds like the whole IP is really getting to understand how you as an individual work, whether you have like over excitability or not.

I mean, not you, but anyone, whether they have it or not. And then learning to live within those boundaries.

Dianne Allen: [00:19:23] Totally correct. That's exactly. You're spot on. It's like all of us are made differently. Like see, our ego tells us that we're all the same and the truth is nobody's the same. And so our, you know, our brains tells lies all the time. So we have to. Make friends with our own constitution, our own way of living our own neurology, our own biology, and then be willing to live within that in a loving kindness away, and people who can't respect it.

You love them from a distance.

Damaged Parents: [00:19:51] Okay. So if I'm, let's just say, I'm the one learning who I am and then someone comes along and, know me and I say to them, yeah, and here's this boundary or whatever it is. Right. What have you, because I know who I am and then they disrespect that then it's just better to separate after that.

Right. Is that what I hear you saying? Kind of, or is it something different?

Dianne Allen: [00:20:16] What kind of something, you know, I say separate, but sometimes it's just, it's not, physically, sometimes it's spiritually or emotionally and I'm a big one on educating people. Like some people they learn about themselves and then they set the boundary and it's like a wall. Well, if I'm new in your life and I don't know that about you, then it's your responsibility to educate me.

It's also your responsibility to take care of the boundary around that. Like, if I disrespect you, you teach me about it and I disrespect you. That's another conversation. But if I don't know what I don't know, then, that's up to the person just to teach their friends and teach their family, teach anyone who comes into their life, how they operate, like Plato said, we get the behavior we tolerate and we teach people how to treat us.

So we teach people all the time. So we are responsible for saying. Wow. I'm really intense emotionally. You're like, I'm an intellectual over excitability to ask a ton of questions. And I'm thinking really fast all the time and dive in like totally. And not everybody has that. And some people really don't care about the stuff I think about.

And so I was told one time by a friendly Pat he's real tall. I patted me on the head, said, wow, you're just goofy. You can think of the weirdest stuff. And he meant it lovingly because of course he doesn't have an intellectual excitability. Doesn't think about any of this stuff. And I now, as an now's an aware person say, well, that's just my over excitability.

And so I'm kind of educating with a lightheartedness about it so that it doesn't get internalized in me as a problem. And he also doesn't get to think that it's. Weird or odd. It's just something that people do. So

Damaged Parents: [00:21:43] And it's just how you work. It sounds like.

Dianne Allen: [00:21:47] Yes. And that's how my system goes. And so it creates challenges, a ton of them.

It also creates amazing, wonderful, positive experiences. Like, I've gotten to feel and experience things that most people maybe wouldn't.

Damaged Parents: [00:21:59] What I'm really getting from you is it's so important to understand who we are and how we respond and to be confident in that, or maybe not confident, maybe at peace with that. I think is probably what I'm picking up on.

Dianne Allen: [00:22:14] Yeah. And like, I always say, make friends with all of your differences in your diversity and your quirkiness and all of those things about you. What if you just started saying, what if it's an asset? What if I have been gifted with something so special that other people don't including myself may not even get what it is?

What if, what if really it's an asset  and. Then start going from that point of view. Like what if, when my mom said my bladder was too close to my eyes and I took that as that, I was totally not okay. You know, I was a bad person, not good enough. I'll never measure up the whole thing. It really hit me hard.

And what if I realize that? Well, my bladder isn't too close to my eyes because anatomically I'm, correct. Like every other person. So it's not about that. It's about the fact that I feel intensely. She didn't have another way of saying it, but that doesn't mean that I'm bad.

And just because somebody might say something to you about, you doesn't make you wrong or bad, it just shows that they don't understand.

They don't get it.

Damaged Parents: [00:23:09] right. Okay. Now you had also talked about educating the people around you. And how a lot of people, I know I'm one of them forget that the people around us aren't thinking the same way we do. So with you, as someone with over excitability, are you able to remember that consistently all the time or do sometimes you forget that people don't work the same way that their brain isn't working the same way as yours does?

Does I hope that question? I think that

question makes sense.

Dianne Allen: [00:23:39] Yeah, you're making total sense to me. And I want to say that it depends on where I am in my life. Yes. I'm pretty good at educating people as I go, because it's part of my work now. And so I'm pretty good at it. And I also forget it sometimes, but when I forget it now, instead of beating myself up, I just kind of laugh and go, there we go again, you know, and I just kind of learn how to add humor and a little bit of permission to be different and mess up, you know, it's okay if I forget it's okay.

If you forget you no big deal, it's not gonna kill anything. We just have to re when we remember say, Oh, I just remember that. So I'm pretty good at educating now, but there are still times. I forget, I have a friend visiting me now that I've known for like 17 years. And, we were having a conversation the other night and it was one of those where I forgot like, Oh yeah, that's right.

He doesn't understand the stuff. And so I had a backup cause I got that look. He gave me that look like. glazed over like there, I don't understand a word. He just said it was English, but I didn't get it. So once I saw that look on his face, I kind of laughed at myself and I said, Oh, I'm sorry.

Let me say it again in another way. And then I said what I wanted to say, and in a way that had more education and was more, friendly to his way of seeing the world and that he totally got it. And then, he understood what I said the first time too. Like then he got the two epiphanies, like, Oh, Oh, that's what that meant.

And so, you know, he was really grateful that I took the time to kind of fill in the blanks so that he would understand, because I'm not the only one in the world with the emotional over excitability. So he's going to run into there's lots of this.

Damaged Parents: [00:25:08] Right. Okay. So it's, it sounds like it's also important for. Let's say I'm the other person in the room. If I'm not getting it to say something and  beyond the look to say, you know what, I'm just not getting this. And what I'm gathering is don't worry so much about the fact that you're not getting it's, okay. I just need to explain it differently.

Dianne Allen: [00:25:28] Correct. And we don't know what we don't know. And if you don't have this experience going on and you're trying to have a relationship with me, friends or whatever it is, then. It's my job to help teach you about it so that you can have that relationship. And it's your job to ask questions or be inquisitive or curious or open to hearing that maybe something's a little different and nobody's wrong.

I say this all the time. Nobody's right or wrong. There's no right or wrong. It's just a variance. Like we talk about neurodiversity a lot where. Everybody's brain thinks everyone's the same, but nobody's the same. And it's not just in our brain, it's in our whole body. So we all experience the world differently.

There's some things that are the same. The neurons operate on the same premise, that things, but how sensitive they are. Our autobiography changes, how connected we are. There are so many factors that when we open up a little bit and just learn to. Realize that every human we come in contact with, and no matter how long we've known him or whatever is just this beautiful being, just trying to make it in the world and to be open to the experience and open to the relationship and open to communicating about communicating.

Sometimes, you know, that medic communication, I'm gonna talk to, we're going to have a communication about communicating because sometimes it takes that and then everything is better. Then we have better relationships and there's better understanding.

Damaged Parents: [00:26:49] Right now, were you ever one of those people that, didn't ask questions or were you always a curious being.

Dianne Allen: [00:26:56] I've always been a very curious being and because of some of those not so great comments that were said to me when I was little, I turned inside and wouldn't ask any questions, in fact it points in high school, you were like to try to make friends with me. I wouldn't be able to tell you my last name. I was almost like, couldn't talk.

I was so shut down and it was really bad. So I've gotten a lot of help over the years back then. To undo all of that. And so now I'll ask all the questions in the world. I feel like I'm making up for all those questions. I didn't ask all this other year. Like  my first response to all of it when I was younger, which is why I put it down as my challenge was, I became really turned in really introverted.

I didn't believe I had any value. Probably I would've been diagnosised depressed. It really wasn't depression. It was different. It was different, but it was very heavy. And I really didn't know why I was alive. Like not suicidal. I wasn't suicidal, but it was like, what am I even doing here? Cause nobody gets me, like, I felt like an alien and I don't feel that way anymore, but I went through a really dark period in my late teens, early twenties, like  I look back now sometimes I wonder how I made it.

Quite frankly, I go. How did we make it through that? And since then, I've had some dark times. Cause as you grow spiritually, you have those dark nights of the soul. But that late teens, early twenties was not my happiest time, but I could tell you I'm making up for it now.

Damaged Parents: [00:28:16] Sounds like what I'm hearing from you is that those late teens, early twenties were just. I I've heard you say the word heavy and what I think you're meaning by that. Is this emotional heavy feeling. They kind of just, maybe overtakes your body and because you almost feel like you're in Alaska.

So am I getting on the right track there with that?

Dianne Allen: [00:28:42] you're so right on it. In fact, my boyfriend says it's like running through jello. And I describe it like a wet blanket. Like somebody comes up from behind me, just throws this dark wet blanket over me. And it's, everything's like, ah , and so yes, molasses isn't, it would be another really good term.

It, feels like it takes over everything. And once I learned how to. What to do with it now, when I feel that energy coming or that feeling coming, I don't have to get stuck in it

Damaged Parents: [00:29:07] Wait, so you feel it coming on.

Dianne Allen: [00:29:10] Now I do. But back then, I didn't know to notice that, you know, I didn't know.

Damaged Parents: [00:29:14] Okay. So when you start to recognize that it's coming. I'm assuming it's partial jello or molasses, but I don't know what that really means in my mind is to what that feeling might look like for you.

Dianne Allen: [00:29:30] It feels like, and impending doom or dread like really low, like way off in the horizon. And I feel a little bit more dread, a little bit more doom, a little bit more dread and then if you're not careful, I'm not careful, it like. Stops me in my tracks. Like I get really sad and really depressed and isolated.

Don't want to talk to anybody. And if you try to bother me, I'll probably bite your head off, even though I don't want to, you know, like that. So now what I noticed when I feel that impending doom or dread kind of experience way off on the horizon, you can kind of see it coming. The first thing I do is.

Ultimate self care, because what it means is my system spent am tired. I've been doing too much that too distracted. Something has me off balance internally out of integrity internally. So the moment I notice any hint of that these days I will just, I might take a day or a weekend. And no electronics, no divergence.

Just be with me and love me and take care of me and let my feelings be and nurture me in all the different ways. So , I go do cryotherapy. I do float therapy. I do lots of different self-care things. Whatever I intuitively think would really help kind of charge my batteries. Cause that feeling means my batteries are going low.

So rather than wait, rather than waiting until the batteries are dead, I charge you those babies up the moment. I sense they're a little lower.

Damaged Parents: [00:30:49] Okay. And it sounds like you just know that's part of your self care and I'm thinking there was a point in your life. based on our conversation that there, you didn't know that and you would go into those full-on crashes. So when you first started realizing that you needed to do that, was it hard?

 Dianne Allen: [00:31:05] Yes.

Damaged Parents: [00:31:06] Okay.

Dianne Allen: [00:31:07] very hard. ,

Damaged Parents: [00:31:08] how did you get through that? I almost said over it, but it may be a mountain. Maybe it was about, we got over it.

Dianne Allen: [00:31:13] Well I believe I do a lot of things. The first thing I did is I found help because I didn't know. So I had some really great therapists along the way. None of them really specialized in giftedness, but they at least helped me understand part of it. That's why I'm really big on find somebody knows what they're talking about.

 It'll cut your. Cut the time to understand it down. But I had really good therapists and I was okay with having more then one at different times. Like I didn't stay with the same person for 10 years. I got what I needed and then I would do the next thing.

I also sought out mentorship by other professionals in the field who I could have a better different kind of relationship with that would kind of teach me things. So it was a medical director who I still lovingly call my first spiritual mentor when I wouldn't even use those words and other people.

Further along on the journey that just understood me and they didn't judge me and they just let me be me. So I found myself, seeking those people in whatever way I could even receive it. And then I also Use my friends, I leaned on my friends a lot and that was a really hard part.

It wasn't so hard telling a therapist. It wasn't so hard telling my, you know, other people, professionals that I knew that were my mentors. It was really hard telling some of my friends, cause I didn't have a lot of language for it then. And because I'm very strong and very smart. If I said that I had intense emotions and this society intense emotion sometimes can be seen as a weakness.

It's really our strength. I was afraid that it would get misunderstood by the people who cared about me. And I didn't know if I could take being misunderstood one more time by somebody who cared about me. Right. So it was really hard for a while trying to find somebody who would listen, who would understand and where I could walk away and feel the vulnerability without at least without a lot of fear of being judged.

Like, will they still like me tomorrow kind of thing? Or, they still talk to me and I've lost some people in my life who couldn't handle it. And it hurt at the time, but now I'm like, okay, well they just weren't meant, you know, like now I've gone through the grief process, but generally when I have trusted my friend to say, wow, this is really hard or whatever the situation is, generally it has improved every relationship because vulnerability people, when they feel trusted.

Cause like, if you're going to tell somebody something really private or really important, you're going to choose that friend carefully. You're not just going to go stand on the street corner with a Bullhorn. So they felt really that I trusted them. Like they, they got that. So it really improved a lot of relationships, but it was not easy.

I first got  the term and word over excitability in my thirties. And I'm 63 now. So half my life now I've, had knowledge. It's always growing. And sometimes still I'll say something to somebody about it and they will misunderstand.

Damaged Parents: [00:33:53] Well, I think I misunderstood when I read it. I think I had a huge misunderstanding of what that meant.

Dianne Allen: [00:33:59] right. Cause unless you're, unless you're it, you use that language that you wouldn't know. And so I find different ways to explain it. And I believe that when we take the time to teach people in whatever way we do about whatever our difference is our, I call it our quirkiness or our uniqueness. Then everybody wins.

Right. Like everybody wins because there's a lot of things that I don't know about. And I'm pretty smart and I'm pretty well educated. And I have a lot of life experience and that just means there's more that I don't know that I don't know. Like I know less,  When we're teenagers, we know everything.

And then as we get wiser, we realize we know nothing and I love

Damaged Parents: [00:34:36] The truth.

Dianne Allen: [00:34:37] it's so true. It's crazy. So I like, I just love learning about people and. I think the diversity of humans or people, or beings is just wonderful. Like, I love it. And I love that, all of us, it's the challenges that we go through that make us stronger.

Damaged Parents: [00:34:54] Yeah. And I think all of us go through challenges and they just look different. They're not, they might not be the same, but the experience, I mean, the emotions that you talk about, I, I've had some of those, I've been devastated by stuff that I'm not certain  that that is what I am.

However, I can definitely relate to the emotion. I think being the first person to share, Hey, this is who I am and that huge sense of vulnerability. And I'm wondering after you do that, or maybe it's, it might be because you do that. I'm not sure that other people then feel more confident in sharing, like, okay, well this is how to be with me.

I think I'm saying that in a way that makes sense. Like

Dianne Allen: [00:35:38] Well, I think, I think you're right. I think when we take the first step, we automatically give others permission to take a step.

Damaged Parents: [00:35:45] And have you noticed that they in fact do do that  and that it's because of that increased communication, that that's what makes the relationships better.

Dianne Allen: [00:35:56] I believe so I think that. Largely that answer for, in my experience is yes, that whether it's a whatever level of friendship it is or colleagues or whatever, it seems to be better. Sometimes I met with, and I can feel the energy since I'm real intuitive I met with that judgment about it?

Oh, well you're saying you're gifted. So you're just being an elitist or I don't want to use that word or you're really not, you know, or blah, blah, blah, whatever. And so when I met with that pushback kind of energy of judgment, What I remind myself is, is that just means that person is afraid of what they don't know.

And I just felt their fear. So it's not a statement about me. And then I back up a little bit. I'm like, well, I don't change my story because it is what it is. But then I realized that I create different boundaries about how much I say about what. I have a friend of mine who really is, has a difficult time with this whole gifted thing and thinks it's all weird.

And so if I'm having a really intense emotional day, that will not be the friend I call.

Damaged Parents: [00:36:51] So it's also about knowing who you're calling when

and for

Dianne Allen: [00:36:56] gets you? Right. Right. Exactly. And so. It's called multiple peer groups. So you wanna have multiple groups of people that you can go to at different times for different things. So I have some friends who totally understand my ahh when I'm going nuts or whatever, they totally get it, so I can call them.

And I don't even really have to say much. We've got, Oh, here we go. And you know, and then they'll just know, okay, well, let the tornado go. It's okay. It'll, there'll be calm after the storm. And then they're just kind of getting it with me or I'll get in with them or whatever. And. I know we laugh about it, like, okay, all right.

See you later. We're good where somebody else might freak out. Like, I don't know what to do or, judge it. So you really want to learn and there's no wrong answer. You want the diversity people? I don't want all my friends to have all these excitability and understand it all and be really heavy and one and low about it.

Sometimes I just want to goof off and play. You know, I want something like lighthearted and I don't want to have to be in that. Let me teach you about all these things and dah, dah, dah, dah. And we just want to like go bowling or something. I don't know. And so you want to have different friends that have different connections so that your needs are met because we all have more than one kind of need.

Damaged Parents: [00:38:02] Yeah. And who I might be with one person or who you might be with one person it's not necessarily have to be at the same way. You're with another person.

Dianne Allen: [00:38:11] Right. Because the way we bring things out is different. I mean, it doesn't mean we're lying. It just means I look at like a gradient, you know, like closer to me, you see more out here it's less and less and less, but the me is still here and authentic. I don't change me. I just use a dimmer switch. So you can see how much of me that you can see. Cause if, blinded by the light was probably a good song,

Damaged Parents: [00:38:31] I just love that. I just really am. The peace that I feel from you and that this is just who I am and not in the, just who I am deal with it way of being right.

But this is who I am. I am perfect for whatever that means to whomever and that. From that I'm going to give back to you what I think you need from me , and I'm going to get from you.

Hopefully what I need. Like, there's this whole sense of peace and just, I don't know. I get this open feeling with you.

Dianne Allen: [00:39:08] Cool. Yeah. It's like, I tell people I match them. You know, like if somebody wants to keep it superficial, I can too. If you want to go deep, I can too. That's okay. I love people for who they are. I don't try to make somebody anybody different than who they are. I mean, why that'd be goofy.

Damaged Parents: [00:39:25] Like you're meeting them where they're at and not where you think they should be. And you can recognize that they probably will never be where you're at because every single one of us on this planet is different.

Dianne Allen: [00:39:36] Right. So we can only understand so far. Right. So, because we're also different. So we have a meeting of the minds and a meeting of the heart and meeting of the soul. In whatever way works in that moment for us, if we were going to have this conversation, you and I are going to have this conversation 90 days from now, because now you've learned all these terms and we've had this first conversation, you're going to be paying attention to this whole idea way differently now than before this interview.

Damaged Parents: [00:40:03] most definitely 

Dianne Allen: [00:40:03] right. So that if we, went out three months or a year, And got back on and started talking again, we would have a totally different conversation because your reticular activating system in your brain will now be looking and seeing, and understanding and questioning and curious about something that you didn't even know as a thing

Damaged Parents: [00:40:22] Yeah. Yeah, no, I really did not.

Dianne Allen: [00:40:25] and so to me, that's the juiciness of life. Like when we hear or experience something and go what? Huh? All right. And then now our brains get to start massaging it and seeking it and looking for it and experiencing it in other people and honoring things that we didn't even know was a thing.

Like how cool is that? I think that's like the neatest thing ever.

Damaged Parents: [00:40:46] It's just fascinating to me that I do have signs above my desk that say stay curious and how will I be surprised today? And I've definitely been surprised today.

I mean, I love that. I absolutely love that because I just never thought of over excited ability. You know, when, when I read that I was thinking similar to ADHD, but I'm not getting that.

I get surprised if I can stay curious. And that's what I really like about your personality. It's just like, okay. And what's next is what I'm getting from it.

Dianne Allen: [00:41:22] Curiosity is so important. That's a big thing. Yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:41:25] And I think just remembering that not everyone around me is thinking what I'm thinking.

Dianne Allen: [00:41:31] Well, nobody around you is thinking what you're thinking, right?

Damaged Parents: [00:41:35] Well, very good point, even then in that language, what a great point you made because no one possibly could be.

Dianne Allen: [00:41:42] No, because think about it. We all have our own autobiography. All the information comes in through our senses. We have different sensitivity. We have different awareness. We have different neurology. We have different history and autobiography, different DNA. And so there's, it's impossible for two people. To have it exactly the same. Now we can be close and we can understand and all those things cause we're human having the same experience, but it's impossible. So no one is thinking exactly what we're thinking. It's not possible. We can think so even some of the same words, but that doesn't mean that the meaning is the same.

Damaged Parents: [00:42:16] right.

Dianne Allen: [00:42:16] I did this thing with the clients one time and I said, everybody get out a piece of paper and a pen. And I said, draw a red stove. No, two people out of 20 people drew the same stove.

I said, that's my point. I said, red stove, two words. And none of you had the same thing. So pay attention when you're at, when you're talking to somebody that we're making pictures as the person's talking and be aware that their picture is not the same as yours, even on something simple, like a red stove.

Damaged Parents: [00:42:43] Yeah. That's a really great point. It's reminded me of an episode that I did with a gal who had endometriosis and the word that she was using was cramp. And the word her mom was using was cramp. And the doctors were using it and the nurses all use the same word and it meant for her. It was like five to Chucky doll stabbing their way out of her abdomen.

And for them it was a tightening. And so that, I think that's the same idea with red stove. Everybody's looks different.

Dianne Allen: [00:43:13] Right. Totally well, I'm dealing with a really severe back issue or hip issue right now. Like I can hardly walk and I'm an athlete. So the fact that I can hardly walk is a really big deal. So I've had, I've gone to, I can't tell you how many people to try to get a solution and I've heard everything from your old to, I don't even know it was the most awful experience of how people don't listen.

 They have their own agenda, even helping professional people. And they were wrong. Every one of them till I finally found a physical therapist to actually listen to everything I said, paid attention. And they said, Oh no, And I, then I told them what all these other people said he was appalled.

I said, I know that's where my intuition pays off, but we have to be aware that. When I say, I can't walk. I mean, I can't walk. It doesn't mean, Oh, it's a little bit hurts, you know? Like, and so we have to really check our own language that our language is succinct and clear to our reality. And then we have to understand that other people hear it differently.

Cause my friend who came to help me, he goes, I'm not used to seeing you like this cause I can hardly walk. And I'm like, I'm not used to being like this. So when I started going hardly walk, I meant it. But we've known each other for 17 years. And he's never seen that before. So it was not in his radar to assign to me.

Right. Even though I said those were, even though I said those words, and even though I was clear about it, it was through his autobiography and his experience. There was no connection until he saw me. And then he goes, Oh, I said, yeah, I told you,

Damaged Parents: [00:44:36] So even though we think we might be being clear, sometimes even we could be as descriptive as possible and someone else still may not get it.

Dianne Allen: [00:44:46] Correct. Cause they have their own autobiography and their history and their experience, like in that other person's case, if all the doctors and nurses that she was talking to dealt with endometriosis and people all day long, then. To them. It is just a cramp because everybody's got it. And that's just the way it is.

And they just do the next person and they take care of it. Or do they slow down and hear the level of the excruciating or the level of it? Or do they know the level already because I've dealt with it so long and they're not going to give that so much power. They're going to try to find a solution. So there's so many different intentions and motives that go with how we listen in here, which is why no two people do it the same.

It's just not possible.

 Damaged Parents: [00:45:26] Gosh, that's just, it's one thing that I really want to make sure we all walk away with, including me, is that we are not the same period. Just not at all. Even in our minds, we could have the same experience and have two different perspectives and two different perceptions. I mean, I'm really getting that from you.

And to remember that. So how do you remember that?

Dianne Allen: [00:45:50] I'd probably say it to myself all the time. I have mantras all around the house that remind me. And, and I, I, one of the things I say to myself kind of with humor is just because you think it doesn't make it so.

Damaged Parents: [00:46:02] Okay.

Dianne Allen: [00:46:03] and, And it's okay. Like, I, I just, I have learned over the years slowly, sometimes, quickly other times to just say, you know, value the difference in everybody and the diversity in everybody.

So when I, like, when I very first met you, when I meet anybody, I start immediately connecting to the coolness of their diversity. Like what is the cool thing about them? I want to walk away with energetically and feeling wise. And I look for the cool stuff. Like what's cool about that person.

What's cool about this person. What's neat. That attracts me energetically feeling wise to a person or a situation or an opportunity. And then that's where I keep my mind because like, I love to talk to people and understand how they think and what they experience and how it all is. And sometimes I don't wanna think about any of it and I just kinda like want to watch, a mindless show or something.

 I don't do that very much. Mostly just hang out or something. But I tell I do it. I just like stay curious. I love to be curious, like, huh, what makes that person tick? That's pretty fun. Wonder what they've been through or what neat experience have they had. And then I focus on being delightfully surprised, and those are the words I use.

How can I be delightfully surprised? By this person by this situation, by this thing, whatever, like, I think I know what this person does. Right. Like I think I know, and I know what I know, but there's way more going on. So I hold the space to be delightfully surprised about a skill or a knowledge or an understanding or something with this, whatever the person is at any time, because truthfully, if we're open to being delightfully surprised, we will be.

Damaged Parents: [00:47:44] Isn't that the truth. Okay. Three things that. People around gifted people or people around over excitability or those that are overexcited and they just don't know it yet. Three things, tips or tools that you want people to walk away with from listening to this podcast.

Dianne Allen: [00:48:00] Oh, wow. The first one is air is your friend to make sure that you're fully breathing, that when we get afraid or we get emotional, we don't breathe very well and we really need to breathe. Like really air. So that's the big one. That's probably my biggest one. The second one is reach out and talk to somebody that can understand you or try to don't keep a secret.

Don't try to say, well, maybe it's me or maybe it's not me, or I don't know what to do. Don't let all that stuff run around in your head. Cause your brain will make up a story. And that story is a lie. So you want to have somebody in your corner and have somebody who's got your back. Whether, like I do it as a mentor, but there's all different people.

It doesn't matter who it matters that it's somebody, we're not meant to do it alone. So when you're, when the parts that you wants to recoil in, do not do that reach out. And the third tip would be put the oxygen mask on yourself before anybody else take care of you. Take care of you, take care of you on a deep soul level.

Take care of you.

Damaged Parents: [00:48:56] Awesome. I'm so glad I got to have you on the show today. I mean, it's just been amazing, Diane. Thank you so much.

Dianne Allen: [00:49:04] Oh, you're welcome. Thank you for having me on the show. , I loved all your questions and everything. This has made amazing and fun.

 Damaged Parents: [00:49:10] Thank you for listening to this week's episode of relatively damaged by Damaged parents. We really Enjoyed Talking to Diane about over excitability and how it impacted her life. We especially liked when she taught us to make friends with our quirkiness.

To unite with other damaged people, connect with us on Facebook. Look for damaged parents. We'll be here next week still relatively damaged see you then