Bonus: Depressed from the Beginning
Mirinda Kossoff
Mirinda Kossoff is a lifelong learner, a writer with a published memoir, a person in love with the new and unexplored who relish is with travel and novel experiences. She loves doing improv and dancing the Argentino tango. She has been a chameleon in her work life from hospital social worker, assistant managing editor at a large newspaper, communications director in academia and not profits, freelancer, to metalsmith and jewelry designer. She's written and published essays and articles throughout her life. She penned a weekly column for a regional paper, was an essayist slash commentator on regional public radio and taught SI rating at Duke University continuing education.
Social media and contact information: www.mirindakossoff.com
Facebook: @MirindaWrites
Instagram: @mirindakossoff
Viewers may contact me through my website email
Podcast Transcript:
Damaged Parents: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents were depressed, put down, relishing people come to learn. Maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged.
Someone once told me it's safe to assume 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way. I would venture to say it's closer to 100%.
Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than. Like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about. In my ongoing investigation of the damage self, I want to better understand how others view their own challenges.
Maybe it's not so much about the damage, maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it. There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience? My hero is the damaged person. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side, whole.
Those who stared directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover their purpose. These are the people who inspire me to be more fully me. Not in spite of my trials, but because of them. Let's hear from another hero. Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advice. The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them.
Today, we're going to talk with Mirinda Kossoff. She has many roles in her life. Grandmother, wife, mother, sister, aunt mother-in-law. Author of the rope of life and more. We'll talk about how she struggled growing up with very strict parents and then later her father committed suicide and other challenges in her life and how she found health and healing let's talk
Welcome to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. Today. We've got Mirinda Kossoff with us. She's a lifelong learner, a writer with a published memoir, The Rope of Life go buy her book, a person in love with the new and unexplored who fresh flushes travel and novel experiences. Mirinda. I'm so glad you're here today.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:02:25] I'm delighted to be with you. Thank you.
Damaged Parents: [00:02:28] You're welcome. You're welcome. Just right before we were talking about improv we only touched on it briefly, but you've got to tell me why did you, or what was your purpose in doing improv and what did you enjoy most about it?
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:02:45] oh, well, as I said, I'm always wanting to learn new skills and I took up Argentine, tango. About 15 years ago and went to Buenos Aires twice to dance tango. And there's a local group, but I have a lot of problems with my joints and with my back. So I had to give up tango. And so I was looking for other things to do and improv. Seemed very appealing, because you get comfortable with letting what's in your unconscious come to the surface sometimes because it's so free flowing. And I wanted to see if I could do it. I want to just see if I could relax enough and, Be focused on my improv partner enough that things would flow into some interesting things.
You would come out in improv. You never know what's going to come up. That's what I like. It's always a surprise.
Damaged Parents: [00:03:47] Right. And were you able to get to that point of relaxation, do you think?
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:03:52] Yeah.
Damaged Parents: [00:03:53] Yeah.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:03:54] Yeah.
I I've done it for about three years and of course had to stop because of COVID. I did one zoom improv class, a short one, and that was a lot of fun. It was not quite the same as being in the same room with someone and, and doing a scene. But yeah, I think I got to the point where I could.
Relax. And, I got tips from longer term improv players, more experienced ones about, if you get stuck, somebody says something and you don't have an immediate response. Just focus on your scene partner. And usually something will come up. And you're, you're riffing on what you're seeing partner has just said.
And so I think I got better at it. Am I great at it? No, but I think I'd have to put in a few more years, which would be a lot of fun to do, and I hope to get back to it.
Damaged Parents: [00:04:47] That's fantastic. And I agree, a lot of fun. I think also, maybe you're a little bit more open to surprise now.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:04:56] Yes.
Damaged Parents: [00:04:57] Yeah. Isn't that interesting? Well, you are on the show about struggle though. So if we just talk, if I just take us down the road of improv, I am not doing a good job. So why don't you go ahead and tell us about your biggest struggle Yeah. Just tell us about your biggest struggle, because I know it's close to your heart.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:05:20] Ooh. Yes. Well, my lifelong struggle since I was a teenager has been depression and I think it's familial. I think it came from my father, my grandmother. His mother and also the circumstances I was in. So I think it was a bit of nature and nurture, and it's something that I've dealt with most of my adult life.
Through therapy medication. I have to say that one of the few nice things about aging there aren't very many is that you tend not to be as depressed or a lot of people, come out of their depression as I get older. And I've, I've read that the case. And for me, that's been the case. And also the fact that I have a very loving, supportive husband now, which is, you know, we're relatively new for our ages.
We've been married 14 and a half years and so late in life, later in life marriage for both of us and having that in my life has been huge, knowing that someone has my back, that someone loves me for who I am. Both the pretty and the not so pretty. So I would say that has been one of the biggest struggles and, coincident with that has been trying to figure out.
My father and which prompted the writing of my memoir, The Rope of Life, because he was such a fascinating character. And yet a man I could never get emotionally close to a man, who never told me he loved me, who never had a pet name for me. Like the dads that some of my friends had for them. He was more of a jokey person and his jokingness was both, I guess, a two-edged sword.
It was the way he connected, but also the way he kept you at a distance and his nickname for me was Cruella after the character in 101 Dalmatians. Yes. And so that didn't feel very good. And it made me wonder, well, why, why would he nickname me that am I that bad?
I'm the eldest of four children.
Damaged Parents: [00:07:46] yeah.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:07:47] And I'll never forget the day I married my first husband. I was waiting in the vestibule to walk down the aisle and my father was waiting with me. And you want to hear things from your father. Like, I love you. You look beautiful today. I'm proud of you. He better take good care of you or he'll hear from me.
Instead he made fun of me because my bouquet had baby's breath in it and my hands were shaking and the flowers were, were shaking. And so he was making fun of me being so, anxious about walking down the aisle and that hurt a lot. And my sisters who were at the front as bridesmaids later, too, tell me that I looked like I was walking to my execution.
Which certainly had to do with the tone that my father set but also with the fact that I think I knew deep down that my first marriage, that the man I married was not the right person for me. But at that age,, that young age, I was, I guess, not that young, I was 28. I didn't really know much about myself or who the right partner would be for me.
Damaged Parents: [00:08:57] Yeah. There's something to say about finding the right partner. And it sounds like that would. Be really hard to identify if that was your relationship with dad are using. Yeah. I'm thinking they're both connected on some level.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:09:13] Oh, they're absolutely connected. I think a father, daughter relationship is everything in terms of how the daughter relates to males in her life. As she grows up as she looks for a life partner and you look for what, you know, And what you're used to. And what I knew growing up was a man who was emotionally distant, who never spoke of a feeling, or wouldn't even know what a feeling was. if it bit him in the butt.
And so, I used to joke, put me in a room, a room full of men and women, a mixer or something, and I will gravitate. To the one, man, who's the most emotionally remote and unavailable, and I will do all my tricks. You know, Gee, am I pretty enough? Am I this enough? And I will do all my tricks to try to get him to open up to me, to relate to me.
And of course that never works because that's not how these men are built. And my father's relationship to me. Created in me a need to prove myself. It was like, if I were just prettier, if I were just smarter, if I were just better at this and maybe he would love me, or maybe he would tell me, he loved me when in fact I was perfectly fine.
I was making terrific grades in school. I did very well, and I was as as cute as any other girl, but I didn't see myself that way because I'm, it wasn't reflected in my father's eyes nor my mothers for that matter. I think the two are comfortable with each other because neither was very good at dealing with emotions or expressing emotions.
And to some extent that was typical of that generation. The world war two generation, I would probably women, my age would have similar stories about their fathers.
Damaged Parents: [00:11:07] Yeah, probably and their mothers. You just helped give me a little epiphany about maybe some interesting things in my family. So thank you for that.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:11:16] You're welcome.
Damaged Parents: [00:11:17] I appreciate that insight is always helpful in learning and growth I think. So at what point did you start? I mean, I'm, I'm thinking you stayed married for some, time to this man that you weren't connecting with it.
And at what point did you start to realize? Oh, we're not connecting and I think I really need something more.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:11:41] Well, we were married for seven years and before we got married, I told him that. I did not want children. I wanted a career. And if he wanted to marry me under those conditions, then yes. And he agreed. Yes, yes. But then when he turned 30, he was bitten by the baby bug. A friend of his was waxing eloquent about watching the birth of his daughter.
And so my husband at the time started talking about, well, I really want to have kids. Well, I really didn't, but I thought I would lose him if I didn't. And so I hadn't been on birth control and I thought, well, when I go off, it'll probably take a few months for me to get used to the idea. Well, I got pregnant the very next month and not with one, but with two.
So I was pregnant with twins.
Damaged Parents: [00:12:36] Oh, wow. You just came out of the gate, running.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:12:40] Yes. And uh, for someone who, I mean, I think I knew in the deepest reaches of myself, that I didn't have my own emotional bandwidth to. Be the best mother of children. In that I wasn't born with a lot of patience and it takes a lot of patience to be a parent. I certainly learned a lot and having my sons, taught me a lot and in some ways made me a better person.
But I think there are ways in which I perhaps wasn't emotionally available to them as they were getting older, as I would like to have been. And I think I knew that instinctively about myself, that, there were some pieces missing. That would make me a more
engaged parent. And as it happened my father committed suicide at age 55 and two years later, my spouse attempted.
Damaged Parents: [00:13:39] The same one. You had the children with.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:13:42] Yes.
Damaged Parents: [00:13:43] Okay, So about five years in, you've got kids. Dad's, committing suicide and your spouse
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:13:49] Two years that my dad's suicide, my spouse attempted. So that was kind of the
turning point for me. I was. In this state, you know, he was in intensive care and I was holding down a full-time job and trying to make the mortgage payments and take care of children. And it was too much like my father, I mean, did I pick my father again? Well, yes I did. And then we went into marriage counseling try to save the marriage, but it came clear and he was pretty clear on it too, that I was not the kind of wife he wanted but he hadn't been able to verbalize that when we were dating and when we were.
Talking about marriage. I think he wanted a woman who would want to stay home with the kids and be a housewife. And that was so not me. I just could never envision, I would have been miserable and in turn, the kids would have been miserable. It was a mutual parting but it was. Extremely traumatic.
And our sons were quite young at the time. I think they were between five and six when we split up and I will never get over being guilty about having had them. And then them be children of divorce. And we shared custody simply because I wanted them to have a relationship with their father. I could have gotten full custody, but I just, I didn't think it was fair to them.
For them not to have a serious relationship. So we have joint custody
Damaged Parents: [00:15:34] Yeah, that sure says a lot about your willingness to recognize, I guess, maybe imperfections and that a child gets to have their own relationship with. With the other parent and that's not a lot to do with you. Am I, I mean, was that your thought at the time
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:15:55] Yes.
Damaged Parents: [00:15:56] and still, still really hard, even though deep down at your core and in your heart, you knew it was the right thing.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:16:02] Yeah. Yeah, My lawyer told me given the circumstances I could get full custody and I could take him to the cleaners and I didn't want to do that So I, fired the lawyer and I discussed having an A mediated divorce rather than being oppositional and trying to get this from this person and punish them or any, I just thought none of this would be good for our sons.
So we had a mediated divorce, and I think that was the best route.
Damaged Parents: [00:16:37] Yeah, that sounds like it sounds hard,
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:16:40] It was.
Damaged Parents: [00:16:42] That would be really hard if you've got, because there's so many emotions that happen at the time that it would be hard to be gentle and nice and set clear boundaries and the emotions would be just so high.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:16:55] Yeah, that's all true.
Damaged Parents: [00:16:57] Yeah.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:16:58] It was like a death. So I spent three years grieving, the end of that relationship and basically at the end of a secure family for my sons, they went between houses and, at the time it's hard to know what what's best for them.
Damaged Parents: [00:17:14] And I mean, there is no way to tell what the, what would have happened if we can't go back and change it, but I'm betting your sons are pretty amazing people today.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:17:25] They are, one is married and has, two children, my absolutely adored grandchildren. The other is still single and he's pretty distant. That's been very painful, but something I've had to accept
Damaged Parents: [00:17:40] Yeah,
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:17:41] that he made that choice.
Damaged Parents: [00:17:43] Yeah. So in dealing with dad's suicide, I mean, it was only two years from now. Was there, did you have any idea? I guess it actually rewind. Where there signs that you saw in Dad that you thought, oh, he's gonna commit suicide or was there just, he just was the same old, same old for you.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:18:05] No, they were some, there were signs. I was working at duke university at the time, running a program for journalists visiting from, the major news outlets in the U S so York times the Washington post.
And we had some foreign journalists and specifically we started with Japanese journalist. And so I wrote a grant and submitted it to the North Carolina Japan center, to study. The differences between Japanese journalism and that of the US. And I was the first non PhD to be granted that from the North Carolina Japan center.
And it was a semester and in the beginning my ex was all for it. And we were all going to go as a family. He had his own business and he could take time away from that. But as time wore on, he began to have more doubts and began to not want to go. And I was actually in therapy with my therapist.
Who'd been very helpful with me and processing my grief over my father. And I was actually talking to her about the fact that my husband at the time seemed to be getting very depressed. And I said, I'm really worried about him. And I would love to get him. Into therapy. And we were talking about what to do.
And I said, I think I need to cancel this Japan scholarship that I received because he's just decompensating. And she said, well, don't do that yet. Let's see what we can do. And there was a knock on the door. And nobody ever interrupts a therapy session. And it was the state trooper he said, your husband's been in an accident.
And I just said, was it one person or two? And he said it was one. And I knew, then I knew then that it was his suicide attempt.
Damaged Parents: [00:20:08] wow. That feels really heavy.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:20:11] It was and I haven't written about it and I haven't talked about it because I may regret talking about it here because, I don't want to hurt my sons. I mean, of course they know about it. But it's part of what I've had to deal with as an adult. And hugely painful thing.
Damaged Parents: [00:20:32] It sounds like it's painful for everyone
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:20:35] Absolutely.
Damaged Parents: [00:20:36] that when that happened, it sounds to me, I mean, even just with the way you're talking about it, that it was sad for you that you did not want that for him. In fact, you were willing to give up this scholarship that you received.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:20:51] Yes. And ultimately of course I had to, because I had no had a choice. Then we were in emergency, take it day by day mode in terms of me trying to hold, keep it all together and try to be supportive of him as he was recovering.
Damaged Parents: [00:21:08] Yeah. And it sounds like there was a lot of grace as well because throughout the counseling and the conversations and things like that, even though the divorce was challenging and scary and, things that, that, at some point you realized he needed more. Or something different
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:21:28] Yeah.
Damaged Parents: [00:21:29] and that you did too.
And I think that's really, that's beautiful. It was painful. And yet there's still beauty in that because you were both able to, it sounds like, at least from what I know of you, in what you've revealed in the podcast so far, you're able to move on and you're in a beautiful relationship now.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:21:47] Yes. Oh, yes, I, well, I was single for almost 25 years between marriages. I had felt so traumatized and I was so afraid of making mistake again, that I had said I'm never going to marry again, but I didn't listen to my gut the first time, because I was too young to understand. What those inner voices were saying.
And when I met my now husband my gut was saying, this is a good man. This is a really good man. And we certainly had our adjustments to make. But he was widowed and but it's been a wonderful relationship and the longer it goes, the more we love each other. We rarely have arguments.
We're pretty simpatico and it's just lovely. And I feel so grateful that we found each other and that we've made this wonderful connection.
Damaged Parents: [00:22:47] Yeah. And I'm thinking that took some healing before you even got there. And then I'm wondering. When you met, cause you said you listened to your gut. I'm wondering though, if it felt awkward or weird or like a foreign, I guess is the best word
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:23:04] To be in a relationship with him.
Damaged Parents: [00:23:07] Right. Or even just having those feelings for someone else again, or maybe, maybe not, again is the right word. Right. Maybe just having those feelings.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:23:16] Yeah, it was, well, I actually, kept him at a distance for six months because I was so I think I was just afraid. We went out, we dated, he made lots of meals for me. He's a great cook. And um, he used to play a bassoon with the North Carolina symphony. He's. More recently retired from that, but I would go to his performances, but there was never any physical intimacy because I knew I liked him a lot and he was so kind to me and generous and I just thought all this is great.
And finally, after six months I was talking to a friend and I said, I don't know what this is. If we're just going to be friends or if this is going to lead to anything. And I said, we haven't even kissed. And my friend says, well, why don't you try, start by giving him a kiss. And see what happens. And I mean, This is not how I usually operated in the past.
I would dive in with both feet and then start backpedaling. So I did this. Right. I um, took my time. And so he and I both had the same, impulse the same night. And after that, it was like the, all of my defenses sort of fell away and it was like, yes, I can embrace this good man.
And so it was a process, even though I had had relationships in the intervening 25 years, they were never very long. And I usually wanted out before they went anywhere or the other person, I tended to pick people who would, who would not be there for me. I was still doing that little routine until I finally figured out what my part in my difficulties was.
Damaged Parents: [00:25:07] I'm going to point out those two words you said until you figured out quote unquote, my part in the difficulties was can you explain that for the audience?
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:25:15] Yes. I was still looking for that emotionally unavailable man, because there's a zing to that, cause that's what, you know. and w when I met somebody and I wouldn't necessarily know that about him, but there was a part of me that knew that an unconscious part of me that knew that he might be a very attractive man.
And he might be an interesting man in some ways, but there were pieces that were not there, but it was like my kryptonite, you know
So there was, attraction, certainly, but I learned to be wary of that, that if there's an initial, really strong emotional component where I feel like, whoa, I want to be with this guy. I began to be very suspicious about it because the guys that I had those feelings for, did not turn out to be the guys who would be with me and except me, warts and all.
Damaged Parents: [00:26:17] When you're talking about that feeling, are you meaning like. Like a feeling of, oh my gosh, I have to be with this guy. Or is there another, like it's, I'm betting, it's hard to articulate what you mean by that feeling that zing.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:26:31] Yeah, it was a, well, it was a sexual attraction, like a physical, a physical zing and that's what starts most relationships is, you know, you have to be physically attracted to each other. I mean, that's sort of, it's both fundamental and also superficial because, there's so much more to making a successful relationship.
So I would find men that I had that. Huge physical attraction with, and I misinterpreted that as also somebody who would be good for me to be with, becomes, I rarely had that with men. I think the men who've been the most important in my life, including a college friend were men that I was friends with first and where I didn't put the physical ahead of everything else.
Does that answer your question?
Damaged Parents: [00:27:29] I think so, because I was trying to help the listeners, if they find themselves in the same situation you were in to figure out how, what that felt like. And what I heard you say was the physical attraction. So what I'm thinking is there was a sense of peace when you met your current husband, like you said, you guys spent six months hanging out and then both had the same inclination at the same time to kiss each other, which I think is really beautiful and.
so I think my next question though, is what was the difference between listening to your heart and listening to your gut? Because it sounds like in the first marriage, you said, you had said. You didn't listen to your gut. And I'm thinking in the second one you learned to recognize maybe that same upset wasn't there in your gut, but maybe something happened in your heart.
I don't know. I just am trying to figure out what those physical sensations might feel like.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:28:26] Yeah, well, I mean the first time we talked, the first thing that popped into my mind was this is a very kind man whom I can trust. And I knew that at a gut level, but another part of me was like, well, wait a minute. You screwed up so many times in the past and let's not get too ahead of ourselves. The heart came along, came along for the ride once I was willing to open it to him. that make sense
Damaged Parents: [00:29:02] Yeah, I think so. Your initial reaction was, this is a nice guy and I can trust him in. And then you did the gut check if you will. And it sounds like it, there wasn't an upsetting feeling in the gut. It was just peace. And then your heart opened
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:29:21] Yes.
Damaged Parents: [00:29:22] and said, okay, we were safe or I'm safe.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:29:26] Exactly because what keeps popping into my mind as I talk about this was a relationship with a man. I met through an online dating app years ago.
Damaged Parents: [00:29:36] Okay.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:29:36] And when we first met, I was physically attracted to him, but we talked, we talked almost all night and I thought, whoopie, I mean, you know, somebody that I have that much to say too, and I mean, this is just great.
And it turned out that, we went out for not a very long time. And I found out that he had gone back to the dating site and was looking for other women. And when I confronted him about it. He got very angry and I saw a side of him that was, destructive mean angry and I was really glad it came out then.
So I had, yeah, I've been burned many times and I was old enough at that time that I should have known better.
Damaged Parents: [00:30:26] Right. It sounds like a really great learning lesson though, to, I don't know. I think for me, what I'm hearing is, that you've learned to be more protective of your heart after that happened and realized that maybe what you see, isn't really what someone is. I don't know if that's worded properly or if it makes sense.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:30:51] It does make sense.
Yes. And there may all, all the splashy stuff on the surface and all these things that you think you have in common, but the other person's basic character is what is so important. And what prompted me the night that we both kissed each other, my husband and me. Was that his daughter was visiting him.
And uh, she's also a musician. She plays the violin for the Cincinnati symphony and they played a duet of assumed violin duet for me
Damaged Parents: [00:31:24] hold, hold, hold on. Hold on. Him and his daughter played for you. You were the
only one in the audience?
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:31:32] I was at his house. Yeah. And they played for me I saw how beautiful their relationship was.
And then I thought, yes, this is a man. I can trust. This is a man who has character and he's a great father and she's actually visiting us right now. She's married and has kids now, but she's taken a few days cause she wanted to see her dad. Um, Which I just think is so sweet. And he says she's his favorite person.
Damaged Parents: [00:32:02] Oh, sounds like they've got a really beautiful relationship.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:32:06] they have.
Damaged Parents: [00:32:07] And then it's not one you're jealous of. It's one that you just, it almost let's see. How can I put this? Like if your relationship is 2D, she just adds a third dimension
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:32:18] Yeah,
Damaged Parents: [00:32:19] you know that the kid, not, not just her, I'm going to say probably your, kids too. Like they add that third dimension to life as it is, I suppose. Right.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:32:28] Well, I like her very much too. And she's one of my favorite people. She's fun to be around. She's easy going. She's honest. She's I mean, I can't think of a negative thing to say about her. She's a terrific mom. So it just yeah. Adds to my life and I'm happy to see that they are so close.
Damaged Parents: [00:32:51] Yeah, that's beautiful. I love that. Okay. We are at that time, the podcast, when I surprise guests, which we may or may not have talked about the tips or tools you're going to give, but I ask for three tips or tools for the listeners that might be something they could do today. When they're listening to the podcast or later as they think about it to have a well, let's just say that.
Three tips or tools. Yeah.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:33:19] For living or
Damaged Parents: [00:33:20] Yeah. For living, for anything, whatever pops into your mind.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:33:24] Well, I'd say because of who I am. I would be open, open to new ideas, open to new experiences. I been at my happiest when I'm traveling and I'm setting foot in a city. I haven't been in before. And there's just all these things to explore and people and the culture to understand. So I would say, Yeah.
expand, expand your horizons as much as you can.
If you have the means. Secondly, I think meditation has helped me. And looking at life as a learning experience all the way through, you're never fully formed, right up until you die, you're still evolving as a person. And hopefully. We evolve to become better wiser people and make better choices for ourselves. So I have that attitude that, yeah, I'm still growing and I may have screwed this up, but, I learned from that mistake and to be willing.
To be willing to make mistakes, because that's how we learn. And the third thing
is to be in touch with your emotions, you know, to have an emotional, vocabulary. Angry, sad, elated. I'm afraid, their whole bunch of different emotions that we all cycle through, but we may not pay attention to them. And I think it's really good to pay attention to where you are at the time, so that you can help yourself.
Damaged Parents: [00:34:55] Yeah, those are really beautiful. And Mirinda. Thank you so much for being on the show. Highly recommend Rope of Life by Mirinda. Kostoff again, Mirinda. Thank you so much for being with us today.
Mirinda Kossoff: [00:35:07] Thank you, Angela. It was my pleasure.
Damaged Parents: [00:35:10] Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We've really enjoyed talking to Mirinda about how she learned to find love. We especially liked when she spoke with an abundance of love for her husband and how she learned to listen to her gut. To unite with other damaged people connect with us on Instagram. Look for damaged parents. We'll be here next week still relatively damaged see you then
