Episode 53: My Blurred Opinion…It Matters

TJ West

TJ West is the host of the podcast My Blurred Opinion. TJ lost his sight at an early age from Stephen Johnson's Syndrome. Since, he has struggled to find his place in the world. He is an amazing man who has had a significant amount of challenges and yet he manages to be a voice in the world for equality.

Facebook: Tj West | Facebook

My Blurred Opinion Podcast

Podcast Transcript:

Damaged Parents: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents where blurry, opinionated, injured people come to learn. Maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged. 

Someone once told me it's safe to assume. 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way. I would venture to say it's closer to 100%.

Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about.

In my ongoing investigation of the damage self, I want to better understand how others view their own challenges. Maybe it's not so much about the damage, maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it. There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience?

My hero is the damaged person. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side hole. Those who stare directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover their purpose. These are the people who inspire me to be more fully me. Not in spite of my trials, but because of them, let's hear from another hero.

Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advice. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them.

Okay today, we're going to talk with TJ West. He has many roles in his life, grandson, son, friend, host of My Blurred Opinion, the podcast and more. We'll talk about how he lost his sight after an allergic reaction to medication suffered abuse, and became the proud yet humble opinionated, man, we here today. Let's talk

 Welcome to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents today. We've got TJ West with us and he is from the, My Blurred Opinion Podcast. Welcome.

TJ West: [00:02:13] Hello, thanks for having me.

Damaged Parents: [00:02:15] Yeah. Yeah, of course. Tell us a little bit about your podcast. Tell my listeners why they should go listen to you

But you know, I want to hear your reasoning.

TJ West: [00:02:24] one of my reasons be you're going to be on it.

Damaged Parents: [00:02:26] Yeah, that could be one.

TJ West: [00:02:27] Yeah. No, I started it just simply for my own therapeutic reasons. Just to talk about mental health and talk about my story and just get it out there to the world. And, somewhere along the way, I just kind of started interviewing my friends and they all had eye conditions like me.

And then I, uh, I don't know, there's something just didn't feel right to me. Like I loved interviewing my friends. They all have like the ones I interviewed have really good stories, but I really wanted to delve into other disabilities. Because I really feel like that's part of our problem is that we're so segregated and we're all over the place.

Uh, blind goes there, deaf goes there, so on and so on.  So I started interviewing people with all different types of conditions and delve into homelessness and just topics that really are actually affecting the world. Most of which don't get really talked about any, or I shouldn't even say any more, but ever.

So yeah, I try to have an open-minded opinion on things. I mean, it's called my blurred opinion, but it's more of a punny type of thing, but in general, I just like to talk about things that really matter and have people on that actually can inspire others to know they're not alone. So yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:03:33] Yeah. And I actually love that title, My Blurred Opinion, because  okay. Here's just my thought process, is that when things blur together, they all begin to look similar and not so different. And I think from what I hear you saying is, is you've recognized. And within the disability community, there's also a segregation.

If you will, in that the blind go here, the deaf go there, that people with intellectual disabilities go there, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, down the line. And there's not this real cohesiveness to the group.

TJ West: [00:04:07] Right and actually you, you explained it pretty well because people perceive us all the same. Like where are these people that are the, that like the wheelchair logo guy? And so we were all perceived to be the same. So we're all blurred into this one thing, but we all, on our end, we all want to differentiate and go into our own corner and just say, I'll be over here.

We're not like them over there, but people want to see us that way. In order to kind of counteract that is actually we should all come together and then show how different we all are and show how amazing we all are. But instead we kind of just, you know, I said, go in our dark corner and just say, we're, we'll be over here.

So like in, for instance, like other podcasts, there's a lot of times that I've looked into a lot of people that delve into the disability community, they delve into only their disability and they don't really broaden their horizons and go on to other disabilities or at least very rarely. And that's kind of what keeps us back.

One, uh, one of the reasons are in any way now I don't have to be, I mean, there's many things that keep us back, but as far as on our end, that's kind of our biggest fault. And our biggest problem is to not venture out and not reach out to all these people. The 1.6 billion of us that are sitting out here, there's so many we could just leap, you know, leech onto and just say, Hey, come on, come with me and let's make a difference.

Damaged Parents: [00:05:21] Yeah. Yeah. Which is really huge. So tell us, this podcast obviously is about struggle and well, maybe not obviously, but we're all relatively damaged, right. Is, my belief. And if we're all relatively damaged, did that means we've we all have a struggle of some sort. So maybe if you want to give us a little bit of your journey, because, and here's the other thing too, that has really come to mind for me lately is sometimes the disability.

Isn't the struggle. Sometimes the struggle is different than that. So whatever struggle you want to talk about, let's talk about that. Okay.

TJ West: [00:05:58] where do I start? Cause there's so many. Yeah, I mean, look, the disability, I think initially was the problem. I was four years old, my skin doll burned off. I nearly died. My eyes went and most of my sight went. And kind of trying to develop a new way of living as also being a child. And, uh, there was a story.

I don't know if I've ever told us on the podcast, but I, I was, I just came out of surgery, one of my first major surgeries to try to keep some of my vision. And so I had a patch on my good eye. Uh, now my right eye is okay. I live on my own. I take care of my own stuff, but my left eye is just all colors and motion.

So my right, I was the one that was covered. And so I didn't really see for a while a mile, not from, it seemed like an eternity, but it was probably a couple of days. I can't really remember that I was like four and a half, five years old, but so I just kind of crawled around my house, which was a new, we also moved at the time, so it was a new house.

So I really had never really seen the house. So I didn't know what it looked like. So I only had like these images of what it looked like in my head, just my own little imagination. So I play with my toys and I did all these things and I just dreamed, and I have all these thoughts and then I took it off and it was just like a whole new world.

And again, it was still blurry for me, but. If it was better than what I was just seeing. Cause I was seeing nothing but darkness. So that was kind of the initial struggle in life as far as it's just kind of trying to cope with my new problems. But as got older, being bullied in school, also being molested in school, like there's a lot of things to kind of wait on you and turned you into, like, you find out that people are really the problem in some instances, I kind of like compare it to like, if you ever watched the walking dead where it's like, the whole idea is to stroke to survive this world of this crazy new threat, but then you realize it's like, people are actually the biggest problem because if they were to actually come together and actually look out for each other, they probably could fight off this problem and actually rebuild the world again.

But instead they decided to kill each other and steal what they have and so on and so on.

Damaged Parents: [00:07:58] Right. So is there still the infighting amongst the people who are no longer zombies, whereas the zombies can come together, if you will, in a way and attack the people that are fighting amongst themselves.

TJ West: [00:08:09] Right. And they're thinning the herd for them. Like they're making it easier. And but as far as like my major, like is now being an adult being 32 years old, my biggest struggles are basically, or it damages me the most, the two things are, is my mental health. And now being an advocate and being, uh, kind of, I have a responsibility to not only say the right things, but be a good representation for our community because there's so few and I care so much about it, that it stresses me out.

And, it kinda messes with my mental health. It kinda, they kind of kind of bounce off of each other at this point, but I care so much about, bridging the gap in care, just showing people what we are made of, uh, and. Kind of cutting down the limitations that are put on us. But between that, and like I said, my mental health, those are probably my two biggest struggles as far as current day goes.

Damaged Parents: [00:09:01] Right now just real quick, because I would like a better understanding. You said your skin burned off and then there was eye problem. Did I hear that right? Or,

TJ West: [00:09:11] yeah. Let me, I'll pull up a picture for pool picture for you. So the disease that I had when I was a child, uh, I'm coming in. Okay. Right. Okay. Uh, the disease I had is called Steven Johnson syndrome or SJS, uh, is the, uh, the acronym. It's a disease that's caused by I a high allergic reaction to medication.

So in my case, it was amoxicillin. I had a ear infection. They gave me amoxicillin to cure it and I was taking it for some days, not knowing that I was allergic to it the whole time. And so see if you can see that picture.

Damaged Parents: [00:09:42] Oh, okay.

TJ West: [00:09:43] Right.

Damaged Parents: [00:09:44] He's wrapped in gauze and I could see like redness, it looks like, and it looks like you also had gauze on your face also. I'm not sure if you remember.

TJ West: [00:09:53] yeah, yeah, no, no, I'll give you a bigger detail, but here here's a, probably a little later of a picture, I'm completely wrapped up. So what you're seeing is all my skin is gone. And they put Bacitracin all over your body, which is like, Neosporin but much stronger. And they put that all over the wounds, which is your whole body.

And then they wrap the bandages to press it against the skin to heal those wounds. But they changed the bandages two or three times a day. But that's how the skin can come back. But, so that's when I said the skin, so my hair fell out. He fell out just about everything, uh, went to crap.

As far as it was when there's something else you asked, Oh, the site. Yeah. And the, the vision problem went with it. Like that's one of the major symptoms of it is it does a lot of damage to your cornea. And that's actually the only recurring problem that I have because my skin is sensitive, but it's not skin sort of sensitive to the point where I could just rub my skin and it'll fall off.

It's just like, uh, if I'm in the sun, I'll get sunburned a lot easier. Or, uh, when I get out of the shower, sometimes my skin is a little red, but nothing extraordinary or anything

Damaged Parents: [00:10:58] Right. And so it was just simple enough. It was just some antibiotics and your life changed, period.

TJ West: [00:11:04] Yeah. Yeah. Because mean other medications vancomycin on top of it, they said, Oh, you're allergic to that. We'll give you this. Well, then I was allergic to that too. So it was just all this culminating into this big crappy storm of just, all out hell. But, and again, and then it was also, I was like, year 92.

So medication wasn't even the same technology wasn't even close to being where it is now. And now, like when you get that condition, people know a little more about it and there's ways of preventing it from getting worse. Whereas people have already had it. It's too late for you, but, uh, but there's ways of detecting it a little better now.

So people, it's kind of rare, but it's kinda not because people get misdiagnosis like chicken pox was mine, everyone. That's a lot of people's recurring when they get chicken pox, but it's not, it's just that your skin is blistering and. Falling off. 

Damaged Parents: [00:11:54] Okay. And then what I also heard you say is you were bullied throughout school. Do you think that had, and you think that had a lot more to do with your ability to see, or just was your skin different at the time? Or what do you think was going on there?

TJ West: [00:12:08] so I was young. A lot of times I'd wear my hat. I'd wear hats to block out the sun because of sensitivity to the light. Uh, and I would wear the hat a lot of times over my left eye, which would then kind of cover my right eye. So I'd walk into stuff. Um, No, the skin was fine at that point. It was just, and it was a very little twerpy little kid that was just kind of shy and awkward.

And. You know, But when I say I was bullied, I wasn't just bullied by students. I was also bullied by teachers which is a very weird situation because, I mean, I don't even know if it's considered bullying or it's just absolute, just torture and whatever. But and this is beyond the molestation thing.

This is, that's something totally different. Teachers, I would ask to go to the bathroom and teachers wouldn't let me, so they'd make me sit in it and then yell at me for actually going on myself, which became a huge problem. But the school never did anything about it. And that was a recurring thing.

And, but as far as students, people would throw her stuff at me and things like that kicked me and all that But a lot of that was just because, he, and I've seen it even in the disability community where it's like maybe a visually impaired person would make fun of a blind person. It's like, Oh, you're weaker than me.

And in any case scenario, I am the weaker person by, the world. People will look at me as the weak one, but now I actually have an advantage over you. So ha which is absolutely grotesque, but you know, it's, that's what people do. People don't want to be the bottom of the barrel. They want to, they want to feel like someone's below them.

And so yeah, people would make fun of me because again, I didn't, I didn't have any way of defending myself. I was very, I was afraid of everything and that's part of the reason why I probably, I never did drugs or drinking or anything like that because I was afraid of every little thing. And then when, when your parents tell you as a child that, listen to the adults, they matter what they say goes, and then those same adults are treating you like shit.

And they're, I'm sorry. I don't know if he wants to curse, but they, they actually treat you like crap. And then and make you feel less than, and actually make you sit in your faces and it's like, you just sit there and you take it and you, nothing you can do because the adults are right. And of course you get older, you realize lie.

Damaged Parents: [00:14:06] Yeah. That would be so hard to, I mean, as a child, what the thought process sitting, sitting there couldn't have been very helpful for you?  I'm assuming there's a, there was a tremendous amount of anger and frustration.

TJ West: [00:14:18] right. And there's another reason why the students will laugh at you and yeah. Yeah. And it's just like, it's why it took I mean like high school, I was just about a straight a student, but it took a while. It took basically high school for me to actually my back was completely against the wall.

I was failing high school and I was just like, the teachers that I had, a lot of them would tell me I was a failure. I'm not going to make it. I'm not going to go to a good high school. And I had a woman who I'm still really close with. She was actually my fourth grade teacher, but she ended up being my vision itinerant, who kinda like got me all kinds of equipment, like, uh, books with like dark lines.

And like, Uh, these little pens that are really right, like thick. I can't think of the name at the moment, but flair pens, that's what they're called and, uh, like magnifiers and things like that. And she, helped me get into a good high school and I didn't have the grades for it. She just had a good rapport with that school.

And she believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. So like seven, six, seven, eight grade. I was just kind of, I wasn't, I wouldn't say I was a bad kid. Like, I didn't really do anything wrong. I didn't bully anybody. I didn't, I didn't really get into any fights or anything. I just kind of didn't do work.

I just was, but I had the potential. It's just, I didn't believe in myself because teachers told me I would never go to good high school and never make anything of myself. So yeah, that's kind of how that turned out.

Damaged Parents: [00:15:30] Yeah. So it would become almost like what's the point in that? I don't know. My mindset would probably go to that place as well, especially if it sounds like not having people believe in you early on, and then not just that, but the torture that you went through and the bullying you, it almost seems like it was necessary to have someone say, Oh no, Hey, you can do this.

TJ West: [00:15:55] Yeah, but some of that thing is, is like I heard, I mean, I've been judged my whole life by just other people and so on. But when I, to this day, like there are still voices that bounce around in my head. Every time I do something good and tries to strip me of my gratification of just like, yeah, you're doing great things.

It is just like, I was like, well, your numbers, your podcasts are down or, or something that just kind of pops up. And it's just, that's that's the current day. That's how it all kind of, if we bring it all back around all those things still kind of bleed into the problems that I have today. It's just now built up into this like dark cloud that just kind of hangs over me and says, ah, I remember all these things that you tried to suppress or forget, ah, they're there.

And, uh, we want to make sure, you know, that you're not good enough or you're ugly or you're this you're that. And so that's the stuff I battle on a daily basis. But as you were saying earlier, like yes, some of the, like the disability, a lot of times, isn't the problem. It's everything else I'm kind of comfortable with my disability.

To a

Damaged Parents: [00:16:49] Yeah. It's like, yeah, you learn that. I mean, it is what it is. You can't change it at least as far as I know right now there, and actually that's do you think this question is really interesting? I think because for me, I kept thinking there would be a fix and by thinking there would be a fix, it was really easy to be unhappy with where I was at.

And only looking for the future. Do you think for you by accepting your disability for what it is that that has helped you more than hurt you?

TJ West: [00:17:26] I mean, look, I I've tried many different. Kind of contact lenses and surgeries I've been holding on to. And there's still one I may, uh, there might be with all this COVID crap kinda once it's starting to maybe clear up a little bit, maybe I can go to Cincinnati and try this new procedure. Well, it's actually not a new procedure, but it's a new procedure for me.

Uh, it's a doctor who created it and maybe, maybe it'll work. Oh, maybe he'll do it. And if he does then maybe I have a shot at some better vision. I don't know. But as far as yeah, I mean, like I've run into, I feel like I'm just an a maze I'm just this, hamster or whatever, rat I'm just running around as maze.

And I'd like, every time I feel like once I turn this corner, I'm out, I'm like, yeah, maybe, maybe, and I've had, so much, it's even like what past relationships I've had so many where we're in this this generation now where people just ghost you and they just disappear.

So you don't really have any closure. And so I'm like, and there's times I do have closure with like the surgeries and stuff. It's always bad. And that's why it's, I think another reason why it's very hard for me to enjoy any kind of success with anything, because I'm so waiting for the thing around the corner to just, whether it's a wall to run into and says no or something that just takes my health down or, whatever someone leaves in my life or whatever, I'm always looking for that, that bad out that can just change my life again.

And it's sad, but you know, that's kind of my reality. I'm constantly running from something as far as mentally,

Damaged Parents: [00:18:52] Right. So I heard you say, like, you're kind of, you're waiting for things around the corner and

whether it be in, and it sounds like a no would be better than a maybe. Like I don't, I'm not sure if that makes sense to you.

TJ West: [00:19:07] Yeah. Like for instance, that, that surgery in Cincinnati, it would be better if a doctor just saw my eyes on some screen or something and just says, no, we can't do this. Instead of me driving seven hours down there. And he sees me once and tells me no, or he sees me once and says, I'd like you to come back in a couple of months.

I think there's a possibility. And then we get to it. And he says, no again, then, you know, I just, I waste all this time or obviously the ultimate no is get the surgery and it either hurts my eyes more or. It's just, you know, it didn't take or whatever. no's a lot of times are better. I even, like I said, with like past relationships, girls would just say, look, I don't like you anymore.

I'm tired of you or whatever. I'm not saying that doesn't sting, but if they would just say that instead of just not responding, and not giving you that specific closure, yeah. It's better just to hear the honest truth, but again, we live in a generation where people don't want to tell the truth about anything.

Damaged Parents: [00:20:05] Well that, and I think it's, it could be also a little bit of a. Soft spoken. We're supposed to be gentle and heaven forbid we cause someone else pain and not wanting maybe to own that pain, right. that we're causing. And not that we have to own someone else's pain, but to own our choice in, because I think if someone's unwilling to say, Oh, no, I'm not going to be there.

Then are also then I don't know. It's just very confusing for me to,

TJ West: [00:20:36] Yeah. I mean,

Damaged Parents: [00:20:37] I'm trying to think of where, where I'm trying to go with that statement, but maybe, maybe you'll catch me.

TJ West: [00:20:42] no, I mean, but one of the problems is that we people hide behind their keyboards. So there's people that genuinely may have a certain, they want to tell you, they just they're afraid to. And instead of going about it the right way and just cause, there's people that break up over text messages, but people don't even really do that anymore.

It's just like, here's a, here's your goodbye by, your blue dots now turn to green, and just know your block. That's basically it.  And I, and so like, if you go through my entire life, that's kind of how I've felt. So many people just told me no. And so many people, just denied me of a lot of things.

My childhood was stripped from me in multiple ways. I think every time and another reason why I said that I constantly looking over my shoulders. Cause a lot of the times, every time I felt like I was kinda pulling myself out of this quick sand, something just kind of pushes me back down or something, grabbed my ankle and just get back here.

Damaged Parents: [00:21:33] That's it's and it's hard. Cause it sounds like you want to shift and change. And when you're doing that, something happens and. You want to be, it seems like they're pulling you back down. How do you stay out of the quicksand? 

TJ West: [00:21:46] The goal is to, when you're in the quicksand is to take two steps forward one step backwards, keep constantly pushing forward. Even if you're going backwards, at least you're not going one into, you got to just keep doing positive things, things you enjoy doing, stuff like this.

Just not just pod cause this isn't for my podcast. But just talking to people that are like-minded. If people are just good people and actually care and it doesn't even have like, I don't have to talk about myself. We could just, talk. And that's why I said to you earlier about just like, you have a friend anytime you want to talk, It has nothing.

It doesn't have anything to do with either one of our shows. I don't, I don't like at the end of the day, I care more about the friendship and just hope you all right. Uh, that's the type of stuff, like surround your people with good energy. Cause when you're around someone, you feel their energy and, and that's something I've worked on because I'm trying to figure out if my energy is good or not, because I know I have so much darkness and I have so many things that I've been through that there's I know I'm a good guy, but I don't know the energy I give off because of, I, like I said, I have social awkward sometimes and I'm like I said, I have so much pain.

But how do I stay out of it and just, yeah. Keep doing, keep going in a positive direction and keep trying to, you know, like I said, with the pocket stuff, I can help people. And that's what I've always wanted to do. Whether it's animals or people I've always wanted to do something. And obviously helping people with disabilities is right up my alley.

So it's like, all right. But just keep doing stuff you like. And then, like I said, surround yourself with people that. Are actually going to support you and just, be positive in your life. Because if you have too many people that are just bringing you down, it's like, you don't need that.

Damaged Parents: [00:23:13] Yeah. And when you were talking about that, and I was thinking about the quicksand and what I'm envisioning in my mind is let's say you were the person in the quicksand and you've got your friends and family around you, and they're able to create a rope or a net out of themselves, right.

That you could reach out to and get support from so that you don't sink down into the quicksand.

TJ West: [00:23:36] right. And I, and, but, and there's also a bunch of people that you think are going to have a stick out for you or a net and they don't, and then you're sitting here and you might've taken your chance to grab on you. You took the last bit of effort that you had to grab to that person's arm and their arms aren't even out.

And it's like, Whoa. And now just the, uh, just, the denial and the negative energy that came from that just makes you feel defeated. that might set you back like three steps because you're so, betting on that horse, like, I'm going to grab that hand over there and that person didn't even reach out and you're like, Ooh, And a lot of times in the circles that I've surrounded me with is I'm actually the stronger one.

And so sometimes people lean on me and that's kind of another part of it's pressure, but it also keeps me going because of the times that I've wanted to kill myself. I think about that because there was for a long time, I thought the only reason I was alive is just to keep my grandma and my mom happy.

I might be one of the darkest things you're ever gonna hear, but you know, I was only staying, I honestly, I was blindly pun intended or not. I was blindly just staying alive until they were gone. And they're both still here, but I needed to find reasons to live. Cause I didn't have any honestly didn't you know, and so now I have all these people around me that I wouldn't say depend on me as far as whether financial or anything like that, but just depend on me as a person to be strong because I actually do a lot of things that they don't.

And I'm trying to give them hope that this is possible. Even though it takes a lot out of me.

Damaged Parents: [00:25:00] So that helps keep you going is to have people that,  I don't want to say are totally dependent on you. I'm not sure if that's the right word, but

TJ West: [00:25:09] Yeah. I don't know the right thing. I'm trying to say, but you know what I mean?

Damaged Parents: [00:25:11] maybe people that need you not need, hold on, see you and appreciate you and accept you for who you are and you accept them for who they are, but you feel like you need to kind of be a leader in some sense.

TJ West: [00:25:27] yeah, and this has never been a role that I ever wanted. Like, I started working at a company with other people with eye conditions and I've worked at other jobs where I was the only guy I was just was another, guy at the bottom of the company, like another, snub who cares.

You're just so happen to be the guy with the eye problem, like, eh, who cares. But in this company, I'm half I'm half of the population there. And the reason why I say I'm half is because we're all treated the same. We are not different based on anything other than just our eyes. And that wore on me because to some of these people, I genuinely love some of them.

I don't really like at all. But it doesn't matter. I still fight for them too, because I look around and I go, like, I am not like any of you, except for one detail or maybe our skin color or whatever. But in general we have nothing. We're nothing alike. We're different workers. We're different, all kinds of things, but we are paid the same.

We are treated the same. And it's like, I thought this, these type of things went away. I thought this stuff wasn't allowed in this country. And it made, it made me want to push back.

Damaged Parents: [00:26:27] So your way of pushing back is by having your podcast.

TJ West: [00:26:31] Well, not just that I mean, I've been in HR a few times. not, not for the, the stuff that HR is actually for like sexual harassment and stuff like that. What it was intended for the thing is for actually speaking up for people's rights and just. Standing up for yourself which is, it's taxing.

You're taking a shot at losing your job. And I have to kind of pull back a lot of times because I don't want to be a pushover cause I'm not at anymore. I really passionate. I really care. And I watched a documentary, so it's called Crip camp. Yeah, I think you actually, you were the one to recommend it to me.

And I watched it and I, I realized like how many people, like it was just, these people were working together. It's like, they wanted to communicate as like, well, how do we communicate from the people on the outside? Okay. We'll have a deaf person on the inside of the deaf person on the outside and they'll do the signs through the window.

And then all of a sudden the black Panther movement, cause that was right around when Martin Luther King, uh, and they were fighting against, the segregation of black and white people. And they were helping just simply on the fact that they were battling the same problems, just. Slightly different.

And gay rights, their movement was slowly kind of, I mean, it took a lot longer, but they were fighting back then. And all these people were just with so many different conditions. We're all working together as one and that was actually our civil rights movement and they got so much done.

And then it stopped from there. And it's like I'm not saying I want to be the Gandhi of the disabled community. Cause I don't, because the reality of it is we can't have one of us. There is no such thing as one of us because there's so many different conditions. I can't speak for the deaf community.

I can't speak for paraplegics or, dwarfism or, autism. Cause I don't know. I don't know what it's like to have that, but if you, I, and a million of us just come together and just tell him no, we want this. Then that's the way to go because they're out is when we need each other.

I don't, I can't do this alone. I have a chance to be successful in my own life and my own circle, but I do not have a chance to change how people perceive the disabled community and change how we're perceived when it comes to getting a job and all these types of things. By myself, I might be able to change that for people, respecting me and understanding what I need, but I can't change it for everyone else.

Damaged Parents: [00:28:41] I don't know. I think you're on a pretty good path to helping the community, just even with your podcast, because of the topics that you speak to on My Blurred Opinion.

TJ West: [00:28:54] Oh, I mean, yeah, I appreciate it. I'm not saying I'm not, I'm just saying as a solo entity, I can not do it. Like I can make small little changes, but if no one in disabled community backs me. I'm pointless. Like I'm just speaking into a mic and we don't support each other. That's another one of our problems.

And I'm not just saying that because of the viewership on my podcast or anything like that. But if that is our problem, we don't support each other enough. And we are all over the place. And when you watch that documentary, these people from all walks of life and they're carrying each other into buildings.

There's people that need catheters and they need to, be turned over because they're going to get bed sores and they have people next to them, the toll that don't even really know them that are flipping them over and they're holding them. And they're doing this for actually our rights.

They're doing this so we can have social security there. We're doing this so we can get jobs. And so that we're not put into separate schools and camps and all these things and not killed. And yet how we repay them now is by just letting all that go and just like, cause at least like with the black movement and the gay movement, they're still fighting for that.

We really aren't. I mean, there's some, but there we are. And that's why we, we can't, we can't just let that slide and just disappear. Just say, okay, we're good with social security because that's one of our stereotypes is that we just want to sit around and collect disability and kick our feet up.

And again, there's nothing wrong with disability. I'm on it still, but I'm also working as well. But I, I want to get off of it cause I don't want that to be some inherence and just something that just kind of prevents me cause there some restrictions with that. And I'm ranting, sorry, but yeah, it's just, we need to, like I said, we actually need to support each other, just like us doing each other's shows, listening to our each other's shows and just, help finding guests and just reaching out to other people and just being together because a lot of people who become successful with a disability.

Like tell me, have you ever heard Stevie wonder do anything for the blind he's he's as popular as it gets as a, as a person with a disability, he's a legendary singer and pianist And again, I'm not saying he has it, but on a broader scale, you don't hear anything. So a lot of these people, they get through this hard, uh, terrain and they get through the portal and then once they succeed, they close the portal behind them.

And that it's like, I am now Stevie wonder whoever I am, the successful YouTube or I'm the successful person. And all those people that are trying, that are knocking on the door, trying to get in, just keep it locked because I am the special one. Even if they don't say it that way. And even if that's not how they intend it, that's how it always ends up.

And that's the thing, like I said, there's nothing, there's people out that have disabilities and they're successful, but like I said, they kind of want to do it on their own. And that's, that's the thing I want to bring everybody with me. Like if I have, if I, my show is the one that gets to the, the masses first, I want to say here, here's this, here's your podcasts.

Here's the other people's that have been on here's these people, they're good to like, or the people that have interviewed, like these people are great too. I'm not the only one.

Damaged Parents: [00:31:53] Yeah, I don't think we get there. On our own anyway. Right? Like your podcast would not be as great as it is without the people you interview and, and vice versa, right? Like the same, they wouldn't be able to come on your show if you didn't have it. So I think there's this idea in the world that on some level that in order to be successful, we do it on our own.

I don't think that's true.

TJ West: [00:32:18] That's our downfall. That's what we think.

Damaged Parents: [00:32:21] Right. how do we bring people together besides what we're already doing here? Right? How do we bring people together and help everyone realize, Hey, you're on this journey with me.

TJ West: [00:32:33] Yeah. I mean, I don't have all the answers, but I mean, like even Saturday, I'm going to start. There's some stuff I want to do for the podcast, but I, one of the things I want to do is just create a, uh, excuse me. I want to create a Facebook group where it's just a place for where all it doesn't have to be podcasts, but we all just support each other.

Cause that promote people's businesses all the time. And it's like a lot of times it's, I feel like I'm just, I'm not putting it out to the right groups because a lot of these groups, they don't like you just post stuff and people just scroll through and then whatever. But I actually, I keep interviewing all these people and then, like your show and our show kind of blend into each other and the other shows.

And then it's like, you develop this kind of group where now you all kind of come together and you're like, okay, I'll support your business over here and support your business over here. And we just kind of, and again, it's on a much smaller scale, but it's, you got to start somewhere again. I'm not even saying that's the right way of going about, I don't know, because I'm, I'm a 32 year old man who lives in a small town in Pennsylvania.

I don't know if I'm doing the right I'm going about it the right way. I just know how I'm doing it. It seems to be working. All right. But I, I, in the grand scheme of things, I'm a nobody. So I'm trying to have a voice I'm trying to be heard. And I'm trying to, challenge the masses of, what we go through and how amazing we are.

But, Do I have all the answers? No. I mean, I'm only going about the way I am. Like I can, but you know, if you or someone else had another, an option I'm open to anything. I just, I just want to be, I don't know. I just want to, before I check out of this world, I want to do something that matters for our community.

It's all I care about. Like, I just want to make sure that I'm a good representation, but also I'm putting us in I'm one of the people that are putting us in the right direction, for the next generation and so on, because we're still way behind.

Damaged Parents: [00:34:17] Yeah, it sounds like you're dedicated to making this world a better place. And even though you're not certain what that looks like and how to get there, that you're okay. Taking risks to try and figure out, at least maybe what's the next step.

TJ West: [00:34:32] Yeah, I look at it like my cats laying here on the couch, like he's innocent and he's adorable. And he needs me, like he needs to be fed. He needs his litter cleaned, he needs affection. He needs someone just around and look, the reality of it is we have, we may have 1.6 billion of us, but there's a lot of us that are mentally, enabled when it comes a lot of people who are certain autism, certain signs of autism and special needs and so on and so on.

But we can take care of them as, as in that documentary and so on. Like, we, they need our help. If we don't speak for them, they don't have a chance. And they get treated like crap all the time. I've seen so many of these people who are there they're caretakers and they abused them, whether it's mentally or physically.

And it's horrible. And again, there's, there's great. Caretakers. There's great teachers. There's great aides and all that, of course, but we are still, you know, I interviewed a woman who was totally blind and disabled or excuse me, totally blind and homeless. And she said that, I wasn't shocked, but it was kind of surprised that she said, even in the homeless community, we are the bottom of the barrel.

We are, we are less likely to get into the shelters were less likely to, get into hospitals, whereas less light. We're more likely to be assaulted, especially the women. And that's, reality for a lot of people. And it's like, if we don't speak up for them, they need us. So there's a lot of people who probably can do more, but they don't feel like they can because of mentally, either they're just turned off and they're so damaged.

I guess pun intended with your podcasts, but they're so they're so damaged and they don't feel like they matter to anybody. They don't matter in this world. And if I don't speak up and if you don't speak up and the ones who have a voice don't speak up, then you might like, you're doing it. You're doing the whole community, a disservice, like you just, you're not helping.

They need us. And we need to inspire others, not only to stay alive, but to, so they don't feel alone. But also just to, we may be able to just have an uprise and bring some more people with us to just say, okay, she's saying this, he's saying that, well, I got something similar. I could do this. Yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:36:33] It sounds like bringing people together is one of the most important things. And I'm going to have to ponder on that. Maybe some other ways that, that people can be brought together because even on, on Facebook, there's so many different groups that we can all be a part of. But how do we, how do you reach out further to the rest?

Right. That's just a, thought that crossed my mind. Yeah.

TJ West: [00:36:58] Yeah. I mean, if you look, if you look at like, when I post to Instagram, you can see like, when you use hashtags, which I'm not a social media person, I just use it for podcasting. But when you see like, uh, what's trending and then like you put like disabled awareness to say, awareness may have, a couple of hundred thousand messages or posts.

And then you see like, so-and-so's like, Oh, Taylor, Swift's new album. And it's like 35 million. And it's like, dude, we don't like, this is why we don't feel like we have a shot because it's like, no, one's talking about us. and usually the post is like 12 different people. Whereas like Taylor Swift or whoever, I mean, I'm just using an example, but like her thing would just be, millions of people just losing their crap over her new album.

And it's just like, man, like. Everything, especially with COVID and politically and all the things that keep continuing to go on. There's just so many distractions that are in our way. And of course all the racial tension, like all that stuff is going to come before us and, and we never get the spotlight.

And it's not that we need, like the absolute spotlight completely on us. We just need people to care.

Damaged Parents: [00:38:04] Well, and I don't know, I, just have to say it. I feel terrible for what's happened  with some of the other communities, the black community, the Asian community, and, and what's been in the news lately in that. It's devastating when and scary, I think from, from a disability standpoint, too, to think about even standing up, if that's the potential outcome and those people had capacity to understand, does that make sense?

TJ West: [00:38:31] Yeah about if, like our community blends into every one of those communities. There's disabled, black, Asian, gay, transgender, what, whatever short people, tall people, it doesn't matter where in  every community.

And I think a lot of times some of us do speak up for a lot of those other groups. And then what ends up happening? It's like, okay, come over here with us. And then those people just say, well, no, no, no, no, no. We're, we're good over here. We're only fighting for our cause since like, you may look like us in some ways, but we have our own cause to deal with you, you go deal with yours, but it's like, but I helped you.

Yeah. But that's not how it works. Yeah. And there's nothing wrong with fighting for those groups there. Isn't like. You want to fix all these problems? Yeah. We, those problems matter, like I've delve into race, to my thought I've delve into addiction and a lot of these things, but again, like, if you want better police and you want better politician, you want all these things.

Okay. There's a lot that has to change. But overall, like if you're going to do it you have to really investigate. What's really, really going on. As far as like 70, we talked, I, one of the things I talked about Instagram recently is that the rapper DMX died, who I was a fan of, but no one talked about the 70,000 people that overdose last year in 2020 alone, just in America, because no one cares about addiction problems.

No one cares because it's just a typical thing who cares. These people are gone or they're, they're useless, no one cared about the homeless community that it grew exponentially last year, because who cares? They're homeless. Like what do they matter?

Damaged Parents: [00:39:55] Like

TJ West: [00:39:56] America. Yeah, like they chose it and it's just like, who cares?

Like, okay. And so it's again, like I don't just delve into the disabled community because I want to talk about the homeless community. I want to talk about people who are battling addiction because they are in the same boat as we are. They are treated just about the same. They are, complete discriminated against no one cares about them.

And people don't understand how they got there we don't ever want to get ahead of these things, especially with like when I use the thing with DMX is that, uh, mental health people only talk about mental health when a kid shoots up a school, but no one ever wants to address the mental health while the kid is already battling it.

And he's posted videos with guns and, he, may have, whatever abused an animal or whatever. No one cares about that at that point, because they automatically write them off. And as the person who has been written off so many times. if a guy and it's maybe a little graphic, but if a guy gets molested by his parents for decades or for years, and then he, what do you expect him to grow up to be?

So if he is now online, pleasuring himself to, child porn and he hasn't committed the ultimate sin yet, why can't we intervene? And why can't we help him? Yes, he is battling some really bad demons. He really is messed up, but that doesn't mean we should put them in a jail right now. And again, I don't condone what he's doing, but how do you think he got there?

Same with the kids shooting up the schools. He has easy access to guns.  And I'm not going to blame video games and movies and all that, because I think that's a cop-out. But if his parents are a certain way and he's just battling all these things in his parents is just like, yeah, you have, we don't put a gun on, uh, A key or a lock on our gun safe.

We just let it out. And he just runs around and, uh, he's uh, certainly he is, but if you don't address it and you don't try to get him some help or medication or whatever it is, how do you expect to help him? You won't, he's going to do something terrible. now we want to address mental health now, but just so we can use the gun issue for political reasons.

And so that's the thing when I talk about these issues is because, they're too important to just talk about when a celebrity dies or when someone does something tragic, because they're always there. They're never going to go away. People die all the time by horrible things that could have been prevented.

But because, we'd like to look at things in black and white and we like to forget things and we want to distract ourselves by taking selfies and, and like to, whatever indulge into whatever the next big thing is. Like I said distractions. And so we don't fix anything. We just continue to just kind of fill our gut with, or our minds with just nonsense.

Damaged Parents: [00:42:29] Well, and I'm, I'm trying to figure out because also with addictions and things like that, my understanding is that they've got to hit their bottom, whatever that looks like, and maybe that's being homeless, maybe it's worse than being homeless, or I don't know what would be worse. But you know, so how, and I can't force a fix or what I think of fixes for someone else, they have to figure that out.

I'm just kind of going through my mind and what my thought process is. So how, if that's the case and that's where I get stuck. See, I'm a great overthinker. Okay.

TJ West: [00:43:05] I hear you.

Damaged Parents: [00:43:07] If I know I can't fix them and they have to choose it, then I have to wait and watch. And then, so how do you step in and support these people so that they can have hope so that they can make it through that struggle successfully and get to the other side?

TJ West: [00:43:23] well, there's probably a bunch of people that know me are probably just to tell me to shut up right now because I've never done drugs or alcohol in my life, but I haven't talked people off the ledge at least suicidal wise. And I know people have been drugs and again, I look there's a huge difference with just smoking a little weed and, sticking needles in your arm.

But. Look, you can't prevent every tragedy it's impossible. You don't know every outcome. You don't know how everything is going to come, is going to happen. I mean, you see what happened with nine 11? It happened because we weren't prepared and we didn't expect anyone to hit us like that, but you have to prepare for it.

You have to try, like, I don't want, yes, men in my life or women. Like I want people who were just going to tell me if my breast smells like, it's just a reality. Like I need people in my life that actually genuinely care about me. And if you care about me , you're able to criticize me.

You're able to tell me when I'm doing something wrong. Don't just tell me I'm doing good. Just to, keep an argument from happening because I know people who love me and if they love me, they're going to respect me enough to tell me when I'm doing something wrong. And if I have friends in my life and they're trying drugs, yeah.

I'm going to tell them no, like this is stupid, but it doesn't mean I'm going to save their life, but I'm going to at least take a shot at it. I'm gonna at least try to put it in the air.

Damaged Parents: [00:44:30] so I think what I hear you saying is you're not going to support them in it. You're going to call them out on it. It doesn't mean that you're condoning it either.

TJ West: [00:44:40] Yeah, I mean, look, if you're not in my life and you're doing cocaine because it makes you feel better to help you get through the day. If you're not my friend, I probably won't say anything because I understand whatever gets you through life, this crazy world we live in. Like, I understand, like, so this might be kind of counterproductive, but the reality of it is like, I understand when people are battling whatever and they need something to distract them.

I just never have done drugs or alcohol. Like I'm trying to meditate and do certain things, but you know, my mind is all over the place. But as far as if you're in my life, yeah, I don't condone you doing cocaine. Even if you give me those same reasons, like, Oh, it helps me, like, I understand it, but I also don't want to watch you die.

Like I want you around. And I know people, I have a friend of my life who used to do cocaine and I didn't know him when he did. And every time he tells me all the stories, like, I'm so happy he's around. I love him to death. And, uh, you know, I tease him about it. Like, I, we have fun with it, but if he was on it right now, like, cause he drinks sometimes.

And I, I try to be his, I had to try to be as father, but I try to just be as like, fuddy-duddy friend where it's just like, come on, man, cut the shit. Like, because he'll call me, he's drunk and I love him. And it's, it's funny, but I also don't want to see him die because he has a lot to live for.

And I, yeah, I don't, I don't just look at it from, me losing a friend. I look at it, the fact that he's engaged, I look at it that he has family and as he has a good mom and he has people who care about them, And I don't want to see anything bad happen to them, uh, because I genuinely love the guy.

And so that's, that's where it comes from. And I think I said, I'm not going to sit here and try to tell them how to live his life, because he can't tell me how to live mine, but I'm also gonna, I, if there was a contract written up for any of my friends or family or lovers or whoever, it's like, look, I'm a dedicated person.

I'm a very loyal person. And one of the things that's in the contract is that I will be here for you no matter what. And if there's something that I feel is hurting your life, I'm going to step in and I'm going to say something.

Damaged Parents: [00:46:30] Yeah. So it's not like you're going to keep your mouth shut and it's also not like I don't, like, I also don't hear you saying you were going to control them and tell them what they absolutely have to do. You are going to say, I love you a lot. And I really don't like what you're doing. You're hurting yourself.

Please. Stop.

TJ West: [00:46:46] Right. And this person I was talking about, he's not like he's not a complete drunk or anything, but I still look at him and I worry about them because I know he's a good guy. I know he has a lot to live for. And yeah, no, I, I don't have any interest in controlling anyone's lives. I don't want, cause I don't want, I know I'll never listen to anyone else who tries to control mine.

So I look at, you have to put your sh you have to put yourself into everyone's shoes. You can't just look at it from how you're supposed to look at it. You gotta see where they're coming from. And he's battling all kinds of demons himself and and people in my life, they're battling all kinds of stuff.

And it's like, look, if your excuses like, man, right now, I just need something to take the edge off. I get it. And I it's hard to fight it because I, I look, I don't have those distractions, but I have other ones and I understand mine are just a little healthier. But, like I said, I'm a friend or whatever a relative, but I don't want to see you die.

So excuse

Damaged Parents: [00:47:37] It sounds like. I mean, one of the things I really get from you is that you genuinely care about not only the people around you, but about humanity as a whole and not, not even just that, but more specifically that the disability community as a whole, not just by not just staff, not just cerebral palsy, not just any one thing and that, and you really just want to bring everyone up.

TJ West: [00:48:05] Yeah, theoretically. Yeah. I mean, look, I, I go back and forth with people. I have a love, hate relationship with people. Like the people I love, I love to death and I'll take a bullet for every one of them. And that's not just one or two people or whereas a lot of them, I love them. I genuinely do. And like anybody I meet through this, like, when you and I are becoming friends, like I just, for what you're doing and what you've overcome, like, I have love for you just for that.

And I, I genuinely care about anybody. Who's battling a struggle, especially a disability. It, it hits close to home and I don't want to ever, you know, if I could take the pain away from all these people and it sounds cheesy, I would just take it. Even if it killed me, I just would take everyone's pain away and just I'd go off in a corner.

That was my way of fixing the community. I would do it, but that's not possible. And yeah, I look, there's a lot of people that. Probably don't even care about my message and don't want my help. And they rather just collect disability or they rather just go on their own and not, help the community.

They just want to live their own life. Uh, and you have to respect that too, in some ways. And but you still have to push on because you can't just fight for the people that you like. You have to fight for all of them. And that's, and that's, that's America where we're so divided in so many different ways, but a lot of people only see color or they only see gender.

They only see certain things, and this is on all sides. This isn't just white or whatever. We only see certain things in the media that she would like race. They like to divide us, even though white and black people get along every day. It's just, they don't, that's not something we want to show because if we show it, then they actually realize like, Oh, we are close and we can make a difference together because white and black people together is.

You can't beat that in this country, and you add Spanish and Asian and so on. Then they actually have to listen. Then they actually have to change the rules. Then they have to get rid of people and they have to do a lot of things. But if you divide us through propaganda and imagery, then that's how, that's how we kill each other.

And we fight each other and we hate each other. And it's the same thing with disabled community. Like I want to help, but there's so many people in the middle that are just constantly just going to, I don't want to help you because I got my own problems. And it's like, look, man, I'm taking my time away from my problems or with my problems to help you with yours and to help the bigger picture so that if you have kids that have similar problems or worse or another condition or whatever, they don't have to go through it.

And I think a lot of us are kind of just we're living in our own life bubble and we're just like, I don't care about someone else's over there and again, I understand that sentiment. I do. We're all selfish by nature, but. At some point you got to stand up and actually fight for something.

And if you don't and then what did you do with your life? Like, could you just sit around and just, help yourself to whatever it was going on in this world?

Damaged Parents: [00:50:37] Okay. I've got to ask, where did you, where, I mean, you are definitely, I love the name of your podcast being my blurt opinion, because you are so opinion.

TJ West: [00:50:46] yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:50:47] where, does that come from?

TJ West: [00:50:49] That's funny. That's funny. Do you mean just, well, you still, why am I so

Damaged Parents: [00:50:53] Yeah. Where, where did Oh yeah, you've got this gumption and this, this fire inside of you, at least that's what I hear. And I mean, you really just love, I mean, it's just so genuine. So I'm trying to figure out, I mean, were you always so passionate or how did you get the courage it takes to declare your opinions and is where does that come from?

Was it family? Was it something that happened? What, tell us a story about that.

TJ West: [00:51:23] I appreciate it. Thank you. No, I look I've, I've always, I look at it. I equate it to the King of analogies, so I equate it to like always be in the kid that wants to be picked for a sport. And you're always picked last or you're not picked at all. So you're always silenced. And the movie director, Kevin Smith, he, he said something and I don't remember the other three.

There's three. He said, there's three things in life you want, you need, but we all feel we need, it was to be loved. I don't remember what the second one was. And the third one was to be heard and. I never felt like I was heard because of not only having a disability, but just, I was always shy and awkward and I didn't feel like anyone cared and anything I had to say.

So I never wanted to take the leadership. I never wanted to. I just, even though I had these thoughts at that had these opinions and you sit from the sidelines and you see what happens and you want to raise your hand and you want to go, Hey, what about this? And people don't listen and they don't care.

And so then you built up resentment, you build up anger. And of course, then goes to therapy and all these things and, and again, you feel a need to feel lonely and you feel just, if you let that beat you up inside and you don't take a shot at putting your voice out there, it's going to kill you mentally, literally, physically, however, spiritually it's going to break you.

And so I think part of it was from the, like I said earlier about the work stuff, being acquainted with a bunch of, kind of gathered into one group and not. Yeah, I think that was kind of my final straw where it was like, Oh, I don't have a say, I'm not different than this person in these people's eyes and pun intended.

They're actually the blind ones. And it's like, wow. Like, is that how life sees us? Like, is that, is that the final nail in the coffin that made me just go, Oh, like we really are just invisible to the world, like people. And the only times they do notice us is when our disability is making us, you know, draws attention to ourselves.

In my case, if I'm looking closer to my phone, if I'm trying to read something and I'm doing this, or, if somebody is in a wheelchair or somebody has a limp or they're too small or whatever, that's the time people go, Oh, look at that freak. Or look at that thing over there. That's weird.

I I'm glad I'm not like that. And. I, I just, I've always had opinions on things, but the more I, the older I get, the more mature I get and the more I just, I care. And maybe you kind of get to that point, you know, like when you get to a point where you're a woman and you're older and you're like, Oh, I don't have kids and I'm not married.

It's like, I need to just like, I need to do something like I'm time is running out. And even though I'm only 32, I look at it like, man, like I wasted so much time just being depressed and crying in my bed and just being angry and, and hating the world and hating people and just, just frustrated and like, I don't want to live like that anymore.

Like I genuinely want to do something with the time I have left, even if it's three more days or it's 300 more years. Like I want to do something with my time. Cause I don't know what I'm outta here. And the fact that like one, my I'm kind of in a okay. Head space lately. So it's like, I'm trying to.

Whatever time that I am, I'm feeling good about myself and feeling good about life. I want to put as much, uh, kindness and put as much as effort as I can into it. Because I'm going to have a day where I'm just going to be like, salty and just sit around and just like, I'm sad. Uh, I'm not sure I'm trying to put as much good energy into this world as possible because there's, there's too much darkness.

Damaged Parents: [00:54:38] That sounds pretty amazing. So basically what I heard you say is you weren't seen and you certainly weren't heard. and because of that, you're determined to share your voice and to be a voice so that maybe you can help the other people who were, who are, or have been in that same situation where they're not seen and heard.

TJ West: [00:54:59] Yeah. And I heard the comic and the guy who runs family feud, uh, or does family read Steve Harvey? He said something to the effect of, living in your comfort zone. You're not going to have any success. If you want to succeed in this world, you have to come out that comfort zone. You actually have to do things that are uncomfortable.

Yeah. It may feel weird. Uh, you may not like it, but you have to do things. If you want a good person in your life to date, you may have to walk up to them and actually see if they're interested in actually flirt with them. And so on that may not be what you're shy.

That might be not something you want to do, but you might have to do it. Or you may stay alone for the rest of your life. I'm not saying that that's the case, but that's the thing. Like if you, if you want people to hear you yet to speak, if you don't speak, you'll never be heard. And you have to take chances.

You have to take chances and people being offended. You have to, because we live in that world where everyone's offended and sensitive to everything. And you have to take that chance because the reality of is like the hardcore truth is it's going to hurt people. Cause people don't want to hear the truth.

People don't want to hear really what's going on. They only want to deal with their issues and they want it sugarcoated for them because reality is a hard truth pill to swallow. And yeah, I mean, you have to take chances if you don't, like I said, good luck. Cause the, the girl scout cookie lady is not going to knock on your door and you're going to fall in love. You're going to have to, you're actually going to go after and find her.

Damaged Parents: [00:56:17] So three things that. My listeners could do to help that you maybe you found, have worked for you to help stay in a good head space.

TJ West: [00:56:26] Well, I mean, one of the things you need to do is just constantly do research and figure out what your problems are because everyone's mental health is different. Like I'm trying to get into meditating and just breathing and trying to, just try to get my head just from the distractions, because a lot of times I'm sitting there and I'm doing my breathing exercise and then my mind wanders off to all my ankle itches or, Oh man, I'm hungry or, Oh, I hope tomorrow I can get whatever so-and-so has to, this has to happen and whatever.

But as far as like taking care of yourself, cause I'm not going to sit and say, do medication. I just, you do whatever makes you happy. And so like with me, like I like volunteering with animals, obviously I like speaking and helping people do what do, what makes you happy? Like, it's just find, find what you're passionate about.

Even if it's something like anime or whatever. Like if you like playing. UNO cards, like whatever, like do what makes you happy as long as you're not hurting people or animals do that. And, and just like I said, do your research on, uh, like I like to drink a lot of green tea and like I try to do, I try to do some things healthy.

Don't get me wrong. I just had a whole pizza earlier. Like I'm not sitting here saying I'm on. And again, I'm not a big guy, but I don't want to say my diet is great, but I try to take care of myself to a certain extent. You have to care about yourself. That's kind of the beginning process. If you don't, care about yourself, how are you going to care about anyone else?

And that's kind of been, my biggest problem is I've always tried to be the, person that people can bounce their problems off of. And then that makes me happy, but then they're, their problems are now stuck in me and it weighs on me. And then I realized I just took a couple of hours out of my day and I forgot all about my problems and they just got worse or they're still the same.

So obviously. Start to find a way to care about yourself. Find the good things. And, uh, I dunno, third thing, it, it sounds like very cheesy and overly positive, but try to find the good things and everything and I mean, even in the worst case scenarios, just try, I'm not, I'm not saying you're always going to come up with an answer, but at least try, just put the effort.

You have to put an effort or everything. And if you, like I said, you can't expect people to have their handout to help you. You can't expect them to want to care about you. You gotta make them hear you. You gotta make them, yeah. if you're just expecting everything to come your way, then, it's, I mean, look, people get lucky, but don't expect to get lucky, even if it happens for, even if it happened to you three times in your life, you got lucky.

Don't expect the fourth, even if it happens, just keep, uh, To push it and I keep trying to be and be original, like be your own person. Like, I, that was all that took a long time for me in high school. I was a kid. That was the one that if you told me, Oh, that album sucks. I go, yeah, it does. And yet it was on my iPod because I just wanted to fit in.

I wanted people to care about me. I wanted people to like me and now it's like, you know what? Like, I'm unapologetically. Just like, I don't care. Like, I like what I like, if you don't like it, that's cool. You want to have a talk or debate about it. Cool. We can. But at the end of the day, I don't like, I like what I like.

And you like, when you like I, I'm a guy who matches all his clothes. I have a pair of pink Timberlands. Yeah. Guys, look at it like, Oh, it's relevant. It's like, I don't care because one, I don't, I'm not trying to attract you. And two, I don't even care if girls like it. Cause it's just, I like it because it matches the pink shirt I had on it.

If you don't like it, then just turn your head. Like it's my life. Like, leave me alone.

Damaged Parents: [00:59:47] Nice. I love that. Thank you so much, TJ West for being on this show today, listeners make sure to hop over and listen to My Blurred Opinion. Wherever you listen to your podcasts.

TJ West: [01:00:01] Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate it.

 Damaged Parents: [01:00:03] Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We've really enjoyed talking to TJ about how he struggles with mental health and finds a way to move forward. We especially liked when he reminded us. We never have all the answers. To unite with other damaged people. Connect with us on Facebook. Look for damaged parents.  We'll be here next week still relatively damaged to see you then