Bonus: How to Recover from a Second Trimester Abortion
Pratibha Dey
Pratibha Dey is an entrepreneur, co-author, speaker, and the founder of Chai Together LLC. Chai Together is a video podcast turned business, inspired by her mother’s brain health diagnoses and her own story of overcoming.
Pratibha’s mission is to bridge the mental health gap globally and create a community which will outlive her.
She has collaborated with Mr. Les Brown, Maggie Doyne, Brian Dawkins, and Thara Natalie to name a few. She now studies to become a Dr. in Speech Pathology.
Social media and contact information:
Website: www.Pratibhadey.com
Chai Together Community Facebook Group: Chai Together | Facebook
Linked In: Pratibha Dey (she/her) | LinkedIn
Facebook: Pratibha Dey | Facebook
Instagram: Pratibha Dey (@chaitogether) • Instagram photos and videos
YouTube: Chai Together - YouTube
Podcast Transcript:
[00:00:00] Damaged Parents: Welcome to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents were lost, destroyed alone. People come to learn, maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged. Someone once told me it's safe to assume 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way. I would venture to say it's closer to 100%.
Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about. In my ongoing investigation of the damage itself, I want to better understand how others view their own challenges.
Maybe it's not so much about the damage, maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it. There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience? My hero is the damaged person, the one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side, whole.
Those who stare directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover their purpose. These are the people who inspire me to be more fully me. Not in spite of my trials, but because of them. Let's hear from another hero.
Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only, and is not intended as advice. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them.
Today, we're going to talk with Pratibha Dey. She has many roles in her life daughter, speaker, business person, and more. We'll talk about how she experienced a second trimester abortion while homeless and how she found health and healing let's talk
Welcome back to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. Today, we have Pratibha Dey who is an entrepreneur and trailblazer in so many ways. Currently she is working on her Chai Together podcast, which is turning into a business. I'm so glad to have you here today.
[00:02:18] Pratibha Dey: Thanks Angela. Yes.
[00:02:19] Damaged Parents: For sure. So, I know a lot of people probably know your story. My listeners may not. So where did Chai Together come from?
[00:02:29] Pratibha Dey: Okay. So I got the name Chai Together during the pandemic because my mom and I would have Chai together. So that's where the name came from?
And I created a YouTube channel, just an account and I named it Chai Together. So basically brought my idea to life because without taking action, nothing will happen.
And, when I was younger, I always want to create a YouTube channel and I would see these beauty bloggers and such, but I just didn't have the confidence and felt like I didn't have the right tools. My room needs to be a certain way, et cetera. So Chai Together, really start off me sharing my mom's journey with her paranoid schizophrenia and illness, anxiety disorder.
So my first video was, inspiration behind Chai, which. About my mom and how my mom was not emotionally available for me growing up. And I would always wonder why she had this way and I would hate her and how to have a normal mother-daughter relationship because she was sick, but I never understood mental health.
So that's the work I do now, so that those few videos led me to start interviewing individuals who have, brain health concerns and other things that would like to share and how they've overcome with resiliency and what they do now. So that's what I started doing. And the end of this month, August 31st is our one year anniversary for Chai Together.
Yeah.
[00:03:41] Damaged Parents: That's beautiful. We'll Chai is one of my favorite drinks. So I.
[00:03:45] Pratibha Dey: Yes, but I have to tell you it's not Indian Masala Chai. So the Chai I talk about the chai's acronym, which I created for courage, which I.
made because everything's already created is courage, hope and imagination. And that's my intro that I always state because people come on, they use courage.
To share their stories, hope, to overcome and imagination, to resonate, understand that the stories that are being shared. So I created that myself and I've been doing this for a year and regarding the business aspect. I released my mugs last year, I believe, No.
this February
[00:04:18] Damaged Parents: Yeah.
[00:04:18] Pratibha Dey: it's been such a journey this February and I hand package each one.
And it was very overwhelming for me, but so worth it. And I personalized my cards and everything. And I packed a lot of mugs possibly 300 or something by now. So I'm just really appreciative of the community I created because. When I was in therapy, my counselor told me that I don't I've outgrown her.
I don't need her anymore. She said, regarding support group, I can create my own community. And I ended up organically growing Chai Together to about 50, I believe, 1500 members Now, And so if not more, so it's really incredible. It's my everyday commitment to this. And this is what I been doing every single day nonstop for a year.
[00:04:59] Damaged Parents: Now, having this group and creating this community, does it help you maintain hope?
[00:05:03] Pratibha Dey: Yes, but it's really the people I feel throughout my life, even through the trauma, my affirmations to myself, saying someone out there needs me and that, having a compassion for people who are homeless and, I'm someone who would hung a hug, a homeless person, asked them their name. A lot of the time, people just walk by and say, Hey, how are you?
What's your day? And I've always been interested in showing showcasing people's journeys and listening, going to, rehab locations and listening to elderly people's stories and their life. And this has always been a life interest of mine. So now, I'm able to have this space where people also engage, not just myself.
it's not about me, it's about people and without people it's not possible. And that would be a great shirt. So I just feel. It's really because I truly started doing that, what I love to do, but started being more socially, active on social media and a lot of traveling and speaking engagements and even virtually, and being in Les Brown's program being coached by him, speaking on two of his summits speaking on suicide prevention summits, doing a suicide prevention project than India and being certified in three different trainings here in the states.
Being a coauthor for The Giving Circle Foundation and Uganda, which is my friend is the co-founder of where 82% of the book proceeds will provide building a house in Uganda for school sorry, a school in Uganda for child education. So these are the things that I've been doing and I keep doing more.
So I love it.
[00:06:32] Damaged Parents: Yeah, you've got like this amazingly huge heart
[00:06:36] Pratibha Dey: Yeah, it really is.
[00:06:38] Damaged Parents: Yeah. we have all of these experiences in life and it sounds like growing up with a mom that struggled with schizophrenia and other mental health issues that, that, that gave you a different perspective than most people are, are used to. Explain that a little bit, how you became, who you are with the perspectives you have. I know that's a huge question.
[00:07:00] Pratibha Dey: Yeah, no, honestly, simple answer. I went through a lot of trauma. I went through incest, I went through molestation. I went through physical abuse multiple times during my teenage years. Multiple things, you know, people using my body I, I really was lost a numb for all 12 years of my existence and I'm only 28 years young.
So, throughout all of this my mom wasn't even a factor. I already hated her because how can my family allow this abuse to happen to me and still the abuser would be living in my home. So it wasn't, the schizophrenia wasn't even asked that I didn't even know anything about mental health, but when that trauma happened to me, the abuse I knew I had asked for therapy.
And one of my family members laughed in my face. The one who had abused me. And laugh the fact that there would be, but me being about 15, 16 years young and knowing that, Hey, I need therapy. I need help. That's very wise of me. So it was always an innate, like inside of me, but my mom having schizophrenia wasn't prominent.
And so about four years ago when I was an undergrad at Rowan university. And so the doctor at the hospital who was also south Asian, told me that what she has and the I'm her only hope. So that's what the doctor had told me because it's just me and my parents The other family members don't want any, relationship or assistance regarding my mom.
And are not there for her. So everything became on my shoulders and I've been using this, carrying this weight and being resilient with it and now Chai Together has flourished. So, but really, Yeah.
It was inspired by my mom, but It was really about my story as well. Like, I aborted my twin children last year during the time when I had poor mental resolve, I was homeless.
The father of my child was not available and I was not going to bring twin children into this world. It was just not right for me. So that time, the night of my abortion, I had a dream where I dreamt of a mug and I dreamt of a baby inside it. the next morning I sketched the image and I said I'm going to do something with this.
And now I released my mugs and I designed my own mug. And basically everything that happened with me, I use it for what I do now and I keep using it for what I do now. So right now I'm writing my book on my abortion experience because what I went through a second trimester, abortion surgery, there was not really any resources or people, especially in my south Asian community.
I was told not to speak up and that I should be like ashamed and things. And it's like, no, you should be ashamed because you're the reason why. My mental resolve was poor, which led me to a situation like that. It's not me, it's my surroundings and environment, which made me have poor thoughts and decisions because I was suffering with my mental health so much.
So with all that being said yeah, overall, my mom having that, as her own concern, but that is not even like a bit of like anything that I experienced because I experienced so many things. And I would have to say yes, like my abortion was what really transformed me as a person, led me down the healing journey of hypnotherapy.
It's being Reiki certified to having a psychotherapy of my own and birth chart readings, like doing all these multiple things for my own healing and investing in myself. So I've really, really matured a lot.
[00:10:03] Damaged Parents: It sounds like. You've fully integrated that traumatic experience into who you are. And aren't, I don't want to say proud. I don't think that's the right word, willing to show all of who you are kind of to be naked in front of everyone really is what I'm trying to say. And say, yeah, this is who I am.
And these are the struggles. Now I'm wondering when you were in the midst of the struggles whichever one, cause I'm, I'm making an assumption though that there's a point in a struggle where you make a decision to keep moving forward or. Did you just keep putting one step in front of the other?
I mean, I'm just trying to figure out how does someone keep moving forward? When it seems like, I mean, you said you were homeless, there was an abortion.
[00:10:53] Pratibha Dey: yeah.
I was homeless and pregnant. I was sitting at welfare. I was sleeping on my friend's couch. I was living out of a suitcase for about four months before, during and after my pregnancy. And I also ran away from, I was escaping from Thailand to over here. So it was four months pregnant, traveling 26 hours to get back to the states.
So I can be safe with me and my baby, which I found out where two babies, when I went to the clinic that same day. So I had about 20 minutes to decide, am I aborting two children or my aborting one children? Or am I aborting on children? But I know it was the best decision for me and for them because I will not bring no children into this kind of situation.
Children don't deserve that. So yes.
[00:11:35] Damaged Parents: Yeah, that had to have been just a really hard decision and you only have 20 minutes.
[00:11:41] Pratibha Dey: Yeah. Now I don't even know if it was 20 minutes is basically they said I'd come back. But I was about to go into deeper into my I guess third trimester. So it's like, there is no way if I don't do this today, I will not be coming back. Yeah, it was really, I was really on my own. That's really what it was.
And It was, it was more of a, no one can make this decision for me, even when I was calling my best friend at the time, no one answered it's because that was my decision to make no one should influence such a decision. So, but it was a blessing because if I didn't go through that experience, I wouldn't be the person that I am today.
So I feel like my twins were a blessing and they gave me direction for my life. And I always say this. And I know they weren't here for a long time I felt that they knew that they weren't here for a long time. And I didn't really feel an attachment to the pregnancy because I knew it was done out of wrong intention as in the person that I was impulsively engaged with was father my children when I was overseas.
Had the intention of using the pregnancy to get a U S visa. And that's why I never really felt attached to the pregnancy because the intention was wrong. So I didn't want to birth this person's children to begin with. And Yeah. it was a lot because I usually have dated black men and I'm known, my children were Cameroonian, so they were half Cameroonian, half that was south Asian.
And I was already told my children won't be accepted in this community. And that's not why I did it. I did it because I needed to make that decision for myself and for my kids. I can not raise kids, twins alone. And now I've decided that I would prefer a child free living because I've experienced so much that I care about my mental health more than birthing I've experienced pregnancy, a partial bit.
And It's not something I deal with that I would want to go through again. And not that I'm attaching my negative traumatic experience to it. It's because to be mindful about my decisions, what do I want to do in life? Did children play a part in it? And for me to be brave and say that, child free living is for me, perhaps I may adopt when I'm older in my forties.
But that's my decision to make, but I do a lot of work with children. I have a education teaching background. I love kids. But it's just, I have to take care of myself first, before I could be responsible for kids. And a lot of people aren't mindful about that because just society, norm, and it's like, you don't have to follow society norm, you have to listen to yourself.
Not, you're not a vessel where you're used to just birth children because your family wants, or your spouse wants it. That's why you have to be very clear from the beginning of what you want,
[00:14:09] Damaged Parents: yeah. And you said something really interesting about, being here too, to pay attention or follow society norms and figuring out what's true for you and how did you reconcile and figure out what was societal norms versus what was right for you?
[00:14:28] Pratibha Dey: Well, since I was young, I always was a rebel tattoos to colored hair, to pure multiple piercings to staying out late at night. I never wanted to conform. I never wanted to go to school cause I didn't want loans I never wanted to work a job. None of this fit into who I was. I'm a free spirit and I still am
and I still don't listen to anyone unless I feel like they're credible people. I just don't take wisdom from just anybody. And that's why I have a coach. I do have coaches and mentors and I invest a lot of money for this. So that's, what's molded me into me and, I feel like, I feel like there's nothing wrong with the job and there's nothing wrong with I can't say there's nothing wrong with not being, There's nothing wrong with being part of the system.
However, I just feel that if you're miserable and you're being a part of the system, then you should do something else. If you're content with it, that's on you. I feel like it's up to you for an emotional impact or a change to come in your subconscious through repetition that can change what you want or break you through to your desires.
But I just feel like if you're. you know, just at a desk job and you're unfulfilled and you're just doing this to pay the bills. I feel like you're not living life. You're not risking anything. You're not growing. I feel like I've died So many times in Crusoe, many times over just the last month.
Like as in I'm always growing, I always have challenges and it may just be for me as in, I'm a fire sign. That's also how I survive as in, I have a fire personality, but I'm a Capricorn, but I'm a go getter. I'm resilient. As in like, if someone punches me, I get back up, I don't have to punch you, but I'm just going to get back up. And this is also like a literal example.
Like when people would beat on me, I never raised my hand or anything. I just allowed people to do it. And I would just get back up because I'm not violent then there came a time when I did throw a I did, I hit the person back and they never did it again. That's because I learned how to stand up for myself.
So that's another aspect of it.
[00:16:20] Damaged Parents: So would you say that there was some sort of a, a spiritual experience
[00:16:25] Pratibha Dey: Oh yeah.
[00:16:26] Damaged Parents: know that you had, that you had an experience and could you describe what happened so that maybe if somebody in that desk job, listening to the podcast and they aren't happy, they can figure out what they need to look for.
[00:16:40] Pratibha Dey: So for me, like, I used to work as security official for the Navy at Lockheed Martin. And during that time I worked there three years, but I also stopped, like I was a casual substitute, but I had prior experience working with kids and all that. We used to have her own daycare. but during that time when I was doing that job and it was easy and it was good for a time during school and all of that, but it didn't fulfill me.
I wasn't growing, I wasn't making a difference. I was just being robotic in a uniform, going to the job at the Naval base. And then I quit that and I felt free. Then I went to a Ziggy Marley concert and then I started working with kids again, cause it reverted me back to working with kids again.
So if you have a passion and the job you're doing is not your passion. You enjoy baking or you enjoy, creating artistic, things, crafts, pottery, whatever it may be start doing that. Start showing up for yourself, like start posting that. if you don't like to be online, have someone to do it for you, but really put yourself out there.
Word of mouth when you really obsessed about something. Like I was, I'm obsessed about Chai Together. Like, especially in the beginning, like. 24 7. It just doesn't grow organically to this number at all. And you really have to be obsessed and it's like, you will make it, it may not be suddenly, but you want, people will respect you for being consistent, determined, persistent, and otherwise you're just going to do what you do.
You're going to pass on. No one will even remember you as in for an impact. Like you didn't really do all you could. and that's your responsibility and it's like, you're doing a justice to the world. And I truly believe that because, you're not here just for that. You can also do more than that instead of complaining and things of that nature.
It's all about your attitudes.
[00:18:18] Damaged Parents: So I think I heard a couple of things is like the purpose in life. And my thought, going back to that is, it sounds like working the job and doing the tasks is not the purpose. The purpose is connecting with humanity. And that, I think from the perspective you're talking what I'm hearing is probably everyone has that, purpose to connect.
And so how do, how are we doing that? Maybe?
[00:18:46] Pratibha Dey: Yeah, like I'm very one with nature. I've become more spiritual through said Burrus teachings, Krisha more these teachings. I read a lot I've read the most books in this one year since I've been building Chai Together, I've done the most I've ever done. I've possibly. And I, and I say this out of. Truth that I've possibly done more than an average person has in these almost 12 months.
Now I truly have, I did my undergrad while being a caregiver for my mom while being in two programs, one with Mr. Bob Proctor one with Mr. Les Brown, traveling for speaking engagements, doing virtual speaking engagements and still rocking out with 3.0 and being in graduate school. Now everything is possible.
And I was in therapy myself. Like, you know what I mean? It's like all like multiple things. Yeah. I felt burned out, but I still kept going, but now I nourished myself better. But during a period of time, I sacrificed my health or, and I don't recommend that, but that's what you have to do for your dream.
If you want to be an entrepreneur and I'm not an entrepreneur yet. So what I learned as an entrepreneur, as someone who could walk away from the business for 90 days or more. It being affected and, and being skyrocketing and self-employed is when you work for your business, if you don't work, you don't get any money coming in.
So that's what it's really about. And I'm not there yet. I know you stated in the bio, but I speak to myself like that because I will be anything is possible, but you have to show up for yourself like that, that you are this, this and this. Like my book didn't come out, but I'm an author. I'm an author by heart, by nature.
And I will be, it's just a matter of time. You have to speak it into existence, but you also have to do the actions. It's not just going to happen just because you're a great person. No one cares. If you're a great person, as in you can still die. If you're a great person, no matter how healthy you are. What I learned from this book, The Five Regrets of the Dying.
It was a great book that, you know, especially when children die or someone good, dies, good ethically and people's perspectives that they say, oh, why did this happen? It's because that person's time was up and regarding purpose. it's really not that big of a deal as in, your purpose.
Cause just be you being a teacher all your life, your purpose could be, you serving your parents or your purpose could be something small. It doesn't always have to be so extravagant, billionaire millionaire, all these things. It can really just be you serving community, you having a nonprofit, you serve your life that way, and then you go it's whatever you want to make of it, but you don't have to live up to people's expectations. That's a spiritual understanding of it. An ant's purpose is to build a house. An ant's purpose is to build a colony is to survive and it really doesn't have to be, so massive. It's not for everybody. Otherwise everyone would be a celebrity. Everyone would be, an Oprah and it's like, that is just not the way it works, statistically.
[00:21:20] Damaged Parents: Right. So it sounds like learning to listen to, to that small voice inside of us. Maybe it's a loud voice. I'm not sure. I think sometimes it's loud and sometimes it's
[00:21:31] Pratibha Dey: Yes,
[00:21:31] Damaged Parents: that voice and figuring out, okay. Is, this in line with who I am now and maybe who I am supposed to be in the future, I think what I'm trying to figure out is how do you keep moving forward? Do you just know that a choice is right and that's the way you need to go. And cause you know, you quit your job. You said you felt peace, Is that what allowed you to keep moving forward and then maybe to take bigger risks or something that would be more in line with who you really are.
I hope that makes sense. I'm really trying to articulate this.
[00:22:07] Pratibha Dey: honestly. The loss of my children and I say loss. And I remember there was a time when my friend was telling me, perhaps I should say my choice and not lost. No, I was a mother. It is a loss that a woman going through, something like that and experienced like that with two children who were fully grown in a second trimester, that is just so massive that you don't need anything else inspire you.
As an, I made a decision that time. I said, I'm going to be successful in life and I wasn't looking back and that's what I've been doing. And I don't have time. For anything that does not serve my dreams or people who don't serve my dreams, I am very, very specific and very driven. I'm a very, very driven person.
I'm telling you, and this is how I am. And not that oh, I'm motivated every day or something. No, it's not like that. I do love to rest. I don't want like, no one likes to like work, I don't know. Maybe some people do cause they're workaholics, but once you experience peace, like you may not want to work all the time.
That's why you see people who are successful entrepreneurs, they take breaks, as in like they're able to go on trips and things and they just have that peace because they've worked hard for, let's say that a month and a half, and now they can relax for maybe three months cause they have the income for it.
So I just feel, I surround myself with coaches and people who truly have what I want and it's not where it's a really, it can be fast or it could be slow like you were saying. But I have days where, you know, it's just books all day or some, try together lives all day or whatever, but I'm pushing content out there.
I'm putting myself out there. I don't always want to do something, but I do it anyway. And that's what you have to do too, because I like seeing the feedback from people and I like. And I don't want to say this.
is people pleasing as well. This is me being committed to myself and showing up for my community that I've built to show them I can keep going.
And I received messages from people that, because I keep going, if it's made them keep going in their business and that right there is why we do it,
[00:24:01] Damaged Parents: yeah, it sounds like your real desire is to lift the people that you come in contact with, regardless of if it's social media or in real life or whatever, but to lift.
[00:24:10] Pratibha Dey: Yes,
[00:24:12] Damaged Parents: that's, that's really beautiful. And it sounds like you've learned to take care of yourself too. Like to find that peace.
[00:24:17] Pratibha Dey: I have. I told you I was sleeping. I told you I really have. And it's, and it's, now finances are changing, but you know, I'm going to be releasing more things and it's it's, coronavirus has truly been a blessing for me. Like I've used every resource of coronavirus for me. I don't sit and wait around.
Like for example, I had a bee, the bee infestation next to my window, outside in the gutter. And I could've sat around and said, oh, someone needs to do something about this. I am that someone, I did something about it. And now I don't have that issue. You need to show up for yourself and save yourself and make things better for your life.
You know, I don't sit here and complain, if I had $2, I would say, yes, I have enough. I have more than enough. Well, it doesn't matter. Like when I was on my own paying rent, now I'm at my parents again because of school. And because to build those finances up and building a business is not maybe other people have perceptions that oh, once You see me on social media or people might have this perception that, oh, I'm so big or something.
Sometimes people tell me that I'm like, no, like, I don't know if it was you or someone else that told me, I think it was someone else. And she shared with me, she thought that I was too big to be on her show. Now. I said, not at all, like that kind of thinking. And it's like, you, hesitant to even ask somebody if they would come on, because you think they're so big, you have to show up and talk, you have to speak up or no one will know,
[00:25:34] Damaged Parents: Yeah.
Yeah. It's it's I think what I hear you saying is the answer just might be yes. You don't know until you ask or, and maybe it's no right now, but it will be. Yes.
I, I, don't know. It's kind of like the Chinese farmers, parable. Are you aware of that parable? Right.
[00:25:51] Pratibha Dey: don't know. Tell me.
[00:25:52] Damaged Parents: Okay. So the Chinese farmer, parable is father and his son are on it.
They have a farm and their horse runs away. The neighbors come over and they're like, Hey, that's bad luck, or, that's so horrible. We're so sorry. You lost your horse. Well, the horse comes back with wild horse. And they all come over and they're like, oh my gosh, that's so great. Blah, blah, blah.
And each time, cause this can go on forever. Right? Like, is it, but the farmer says, is it good? Is it bad? I don't know. We will see. So I don't think we can ever totally depend on. Something like some people would see, what happened with the babies and everything with the children as bad and that's devastating.
And yet you were able to use that , as a springboard to move forward. So was it bad? Was it good? I don't know. We're gonna, we were based on what's happening now. It was the best thing that could've happened for you.
[00:26:51] Pratibha Dey: Yes. And honestly I had no depression. Like I did have grief it comes and go. I haven't, since I believe about maybe three, four months now, because I really let it out on my own when I stayed at my Airbnb and I was living in Georgia and Pine Mountain. And I was so solitude and peaceful by myself for a whole month.
It was like, so nice, like a trip but that's where I was living. And I really let it out and it's like, where I was unable to like get up. Like I was just crying so heavily that I felt so alone that even my babies aren't there. But, it hasn't happened since, because I feel like I'm, I'm releasing it.
I'm letting that time go and growing into 2021 Pratibha. This is not the Pratibha who came from Thailand and went through that story. I'm not going to be that story. That's not my story. I'm going to graduate school, speech pathology. Want my practice going to Japan, these things like I'm looking at now and my future, I don't stay in my past.
I don't suffer from any depression or anxiety or anything, everyone. I've what I learned that everyone has a bit of healthy, good anxiety before I spoke on stage I had a lot of anxiety, like to where I was going to get sick so that, because I'm speaking on stage, Les Brown is virtual. Like that is big. Like, that kind of anxiety is different or anxiety because sometimes my mom is super energetic.
Maybe it's medication or whatnot now, and she's just returned from the hospital after months. And I feel anxious because their energy is so high and it's like, I'm very, I am very mellow and calm and I don't like to raise my voice or I don't like to, that's not who I am.
I'm just so peaceful that that is not on my level. So I know why the reason for anxiety. Overall as in devastation, yes. That event, what we perceive as devastating, like a nine 11, such as Mr. Bob Proctor talks about. And that was my nine 11, that catapults immune to all these, miniature successes.
However, I was peaceful. I meditated every day. And honestly I was at peace and I was taking care of myself and I use art therapy and painting and other tools. When I was in school, taking our classes to release along with therapy, and I had great support. I was in NAMI support group for my mom and myself Catholic charities, which I still am.
I use tools for myself. I don't put my burdens on friends only or something you need professional help. And that's what I do. And going from massages and traveling everything that I can do I do for myself. And another thing I want to say is throughout this experience, I learned stand up on my own two feet.
And I've come back As a changed person, and I never, I'm so complete within myself, that I don't need to look outside and be like, I don't need someone to complete me. Someone can add onto me if they wish, but I'm not here looking. So that is my experience.
[00:29:29] Damaged Parents: As if you've become whole.
[00:29:30] Pratibha Dey: I sure have,
[00:29:32] Damaged Parents: Yeah.
[00:29:33] Pratibha Dey: I'm not attached.
I'm not attached to people or things. And when I find myself attached, I asked myself, why, why I always ask my myself questions? Like, why do I feel this way? I journal a lot. Gratitude every day. And I really have this mindset that I maintain every single day from a vision script that I hear in repetition to different things.
And it's not like obsessive, like go, go, go or something. It's like, whenever I feel, or I do watch a lot of movies and do a lot of fun things. I'm not just, on my laptop all day or something. So
[00:30:03] Damaged Parents: Yeah, like you've found a way to balance.
[00:30:06] Pratibha Dey: yeah. And never allow someone to. See, this is the thing with entrepreneurship. It was, it's, it's that FOMO, the entrepreneurs and marketing, it will show you like fear of missing out. If you don't get this program, if you don't do this. And I was like buying multiple things, doing multiple things that I didn't even need to be doing that I didn't even complete from last year, like 10 programs possibly.
But the fact that not 10 but five, but like the fact that you don't have to listen to other people. You can say, Hey, let me take time to be with myself. And then you make decisions, but don't allow the fear of missing out you're right where you need to be. You're not behind. You're not ahead.
Like this is your time, whatever you're experiencing, feel your feelings and then move forward. But you don't have to allow people to influence you to make decisions for you when you know yourself best. No one knows you like, you, so like get to know yourself.
[00:30:55] Damaged Parents: Yeah, that seems like a pretty solid I, that quote, no one knows you, like, yourself can be applied.
Across the board in, whether it's medical, emotional, business-wise school wise is really looking inside of you and who knows you best and who knows the best next step for who you are, right.
It couldn't, it can't be me. Because I don't know you. I mean, I know you, but I don't know you, you
know, and even if I did know you, I still wouldn't know your internal world, your dialogue of who you are and how you see the world and how you see everything else. So I think it's really neat that you said that, okay.
Three tips or tools that just pop into your mind, that you would want, like to give people to walk away from this podcast.
[00:31:47] Pratibha Dey: Read books. If you're not interested in reading, listen to audible or wherever you can find, free books or whatever you're going through on YouTube, but guess ask people right regarding books too. The second would be, get professional help. I don't know where you are and what space mind, but call a hotline ask someone for help.
And the third would be regarding suicide prevention. And I'm saying this. If you feel that you're having suicide, if you are having suicidal ideations and or you ever think about, Hey, this is what I would do. Take myself out. Something is wrong there. Like that's where it would link to the professional help.
So I just want to mention suicide prevention because that is big and it's happening more now than ever, especially with teenagers 15 and under like for example, India had over 18,000 suicide deaths or children who are 15 and under last year, I believe so. Yes. Regarding suicide prevention, just reach out to someone if you're really starting to feel like I want to take myself out because we need to, we need to correct that feeling there.
So
[00:32:43] Damaged Parents: Yeah. I really like how you pointed out with the ideation that can happen,
[00:32:49] Pratibha Dey: yes.
[00:32:50] Damaged Parents: If that thought the first time it pops into your mind, if you have that thought it's, it might be time to, well, it probably is time. Call make a phone call and the national suicide prevention hotline in the United States is 8 0 0 2 7 3 8 2 5 5.
Again, that's 1 8 0 0 2 7 3 8 2 5 5. If you're needing to reach out right now, I am so glad I got to have you on the show. I felt honored and thank you so much for just being super vulnerable and sharing such an amazing story of struggle and triumph. I really appreciate it.
[00:33:27] Pratibha Dey: Thank you. And I say it very calmly. Like I feel no anxiety must be my growth
[00:33:33] Damaged Parents: yeah, you're doing it's awesome. Thank you so much.
[00:33:36] Pratibha Dey: Thank you.
[00:33:37] Damaged Parents: Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We really enjoy talking to Pratibha about how she recovered from a second trimester abortion while homeless. We especially liked when she explained how support is needed for traumas like hers. To unite with other damaged people connect with us on Facebook look for Damaged Parents We'll be here next week still relatively damaged see you then.
