S3E10: Monique Toonen - The Road from Head to Heart
Monique Toonen had put her life into her work. Working up to 120 hours a week. Then her husband asked for a divorce, and she found out she had triple negative breast cancer. She recognized the deficit in her energy and learned to find out what boosted her energy. Now she lives her life as a digital nomad traveling the world with her dog Spirit.
Monique Toonen is a dreamlife Alchemist, she walks her talk, because she lives her own dreamlife as a digital nomad who travels the world with her dog Spirit.
Hired by stressed & busy Entrepeneurs who feels that it’s Time to get Real about your Dreamlife while Crushing your Business with less Pressure & Effort.
She leads Worldwide Private & Small Group VIP Nature Retreats and Custom VIP-1DAYS to teach her clients how to create their dreamlife.
Social media and contact information:
https://m.facebook.com/Monique1965Toonen
DOES THIS SOUND LIKE YOU?
→ You are not living your dream life because you are overwhelmed with all the (business) tasks you have to do.
→ You are ready to hit your money goals with less effort & pressure.
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→ You are ready to build a sustainable business with a new climate of clarity in business positioning & brand recognition.
I CAN HELP YOU
- Get your tasks aligned with your dream life and business positioning to never work again.
- Develop a Dreamlife plan that is both aligned and true to you.
- Develop a Dream strategy that feels natural and authentic to you!
- You no longer doubt yourself because you now know exactly how to continuously attract your dream life and crush your Business with less effort & pressure.
As a Dream Attraction Alchemist, I can help you become the dream person first so you can start attracting your desires by improving your dream strategy and position your business results compound to never work again.
I'll show you how to design an attitude that creates a new climate of clarity through authentic expression and brand recognition to apply dream secrets and techniques used by myself and my clients through authentic leadership to build a brand DAILY.
Having worked as an independent in de upscale entertainment, different tech and now in the coaching business for over 13 years, living my dream life, traveling the world, after so many setbacks, I know the unwritten rules attracting a dream life.
My goal is to help established entrepreneurs to become the dream person first, position their business for a financially free life and start their dream life with confidence.
WHY IT WORKS?
Not only will these dream attraction methods help you build a life full of personal desires while building your brand with ease, it will also help you generate more energy, manage your power effectively and design a dream plan so you can start to not only reach your money goals but with less effort & pressure by position your Business to never work again enjoy your financial freedom. Start to ATTRACT dreams, don’t CHASE.
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This method is the Dream Attraction Alchemy based on techniques used by all entrepreneurs in all sectors who understood that you have to dream before your dreams can come true.
Walk away with 2 golden tips to illuminate your dream to reveal the unseen! https://bit.ly/DreamDeepDive-Call
Podcast Transcript
[00:00:00] Damaged Parents: Welcome back to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. Today we have Monique Toonen with us. She is a dream life alchemist. She walks her talk and because she lives out her own dream life as a digital nomad who travels the world with her dog Spirit, she is the person to talk to when life gets stressed and busy, usually she's hired.
[00:00:20] entrepreneurs who feel like it's time to get real about their dream life and crushing their business with less pressure and effort. She leads worldwide private retreats, small group, v i p nature retreats and custom v i p one days to help teach her clients how to create their dream life.
[00:00:37] Welcome to the show, Monique.
[00:00:38] Monique Toonen: Well, thank you so much for having me. I'm thrilled to be here.
[00:00:44] Damaged Parents: Oh yeah. I mean, and you're here to talk about a struggle and I'm thinking. most of your clients have struggle.
[00:00:51] Monique Toonen: Yeah. , They do most of the time the same as, as I had, , before I was, stepping into my own greatness, as I call it.
[00:01:01] Damaged Parents: Mm-hmm. . Yeah. I'm thinking, what courage did that take for you?
[00:01:06] Monique Toonen: Well, actually it was like, it wasn't like this big story, It, for me it was very, very practical because, I've noticed that I neglected myself, especially my energy, my body, my emotion. And I was just working like an idiot.
[00:01:30] I mean, I started my career of like, well, working like 110, sometimes 120 hours a week. And that was the norm for me. Right? So basically you could say I was married to my job or to my work. And after my divorce, I didn't have any energy anymore. I couldn't think straight anymore. I was exhausted.
[00:02:02] It felt like I, I fell into a well black hole.
[00:02:11] Damaged Parents: Mm-hmm.
[00:02:12] Monique Toonen: that I covered up with work. I used to cover this up with work, and I remember after I had panic attacks in the night like I was stung, by a wasp and like hyperventilating. Didn't know. Well, it, it was, it felt like a very. Emotional breakdown actually, but it was also a, a spiritual awakening for me.
[00:02:46] Yeah.
[00:02:48] Damaged Parents: Okay. So similar, would you say, similar to like a dark Night of the soul?
[00:02:52] Monique Toonen: Oh, absolutely. Yes. Yeah. And this lasted like for three months. Like I was overwhelmed with grief, with pain, with emotional pain. I didn't understand why my husband wanted to divorce me. I didn't understand why I was in this situation.
[00:03:12] I, we, well, and my ex-partner and I have big dreams, and now also my dream was shattered, right?
[00:03:23] Damaged Parents: Mm-hmm.
[00:03:23] Monique Toonen: and I thought that I couldn't do it without him. So recalibrating my own dream. What suited me and integrating like what I, emotionally neglected and taking care of myself that was, I didn't know how to do that.
[00:03:44] Damaged Parents: Now, is this before the chemotherapy?
[00:03:47] Monique Toonen: Yes, that was Okay. So before, Yes, yes.
[00:03:50] Damaged Parents: Yeah. So you're talking like this is just the emotional pain of neglecting yourself for many, many years.
[00:03:58] Monique Toonen: Yes.
[00:03:58] Damaged Parents: For whatever reason. Now you've got your husband, he does not want the relationship anymore, and you're just devastated.
[00:04:04] Monique Toonen: Yes. And I was like, Now what? You know, I was like, I felt like lost in the desert and I couldn't think straight because I was so overwhelmed with my emotional pain with grief, with anxiety. And I was like, Well, I don't know how to, how to move forward. And so this lasted for like two years.
[00:04:29] I took both actions. I mean, I started to, I made the decision to. Step into a new space because I had the evidence that what I uh, did in the past didn't work out. At least I, I never wanted to divorce , my ex-husband. But yeah, you cannot like how do you say, force someone to love you.
[00:05:00] Right.
[00:05:00] Damaged Parents: Oh, right.
[00:05:02] Monique Toonen: That's, that's not possible. So I was like, Well, yeah, I have to take it whether I like it or not, right? But in truth it was that I didn't love myself. My ambition in work and getting to a stage that I had this recognition from outside, that I made it like the, the social and the the society.
[00:05:29] Damaged Parents: Wow. So the society was saying you made it as far as like all the exterior things? Yes. But on the inside it didn't appear, It did not feel be the case.
[00:05:40] Monique Toonen: No, no, no.
[00:05:41] Damaged Parents: So you're saying this took like two years, and I'm wondering, during that two years, did you continue working? How did you keep participating in life?
[00:05:51] I mean, you, it sounded like for three months you were in bed, but how after that, like.
[00:05:55] How did you do that?
[00:05:57] Monique Toonen: Yeah, well, I, kept up the appearance because I, I had a job a full-time job and but I also started my own business in the, evening hours. So. It was quite busy, as you can imagine.
[00:06:11] But the, I went to work and had every day a breakdown in, when I came home, you know?
[00:06:19] Damaged Parents: Mm-hmm. .
[00:06:20] Monique Toonen: But I, I kept doing it. And I actually announced at my work that I would like to, because there were, in a transition. So people had to get out and I said, Well, if, if there's an opportunity, I would like to say goodbye and start my own business full time.
[00:06:43] Now I did a part-time and, so that was before my husband announced The divorce. So I had like some kind of security of my husband as, as my backup, and then the backup fell down as well. So I was like, Well, what the heck? I cannot re reverse what I said on my, on my work. So I was like, I go with the flow and I needed to work until 2016.
[00:07:13] And I was announced that I could leave, but yeah. And now I was like, Yeah, I don't know how, so.
[00:07:20] Damaged Parents: That must have been terrifying. So you've got, I mean, you already said you're gonna quit and then your husband said, and, and do your own thing. Then on top of it, your husband's divorcing you and you don't feel like you can go back.
[00:07:33] And now, I mean, I'm thinking of, I, it. One of my daughters just had a breakup, and as she's going to work, tears are coming down her face and she's having to excuse herself to go to the bathroom. And I'm thinking similar things were probably happening to you. And how
[00:07:50] Monique Toonen: Absolutely.
[00:07:51] Damaged Parents: Did you, I mean, I guess you just felt through it maybe?
[00:07:54] Or how did you make it through that?
[00:07:56] Monique Toonen: Yeah. Well, you know what I, I started to do and what I acknowledged for myself was that I didn't know what. Gave me energy. What was fun for me to do. I always executed all the things that need to be done for my work, but I didn't know how to fill up my cup. I didn't know and I didn't saw it either.
[00:08:29] Damaged Parents: Yeah. I'm wondering as you say that, would you say that's like you knew how to fill up on what society said needed to be done, but you didn't know how to reinvigorate or refresh your soul? No. That you could have that energy, right? No. That's what you're talking about.
[00:08:44] Monique Toonen: Yes. Yeah, and I was driven I mean by my purpose and wanting to help people, but it was, it was too much of work.
[00:08:54] So I didn't have the time, or I didn't allow myself the time to reconnect, to relax. Relaxing was very, very difficult for me. Stepping back from my business or work was very, very hard for me. I wanted to be, well, I, being in the rat race felt safe for me. Oh, okay. And after my divorce, I was not sure, Well, actually, I was sure that the rat race wouldn't help me anymore because I, I, I couldn't cope with it anymore.
[00:09:34] The pace was way too fast. And my energy couldn't, Well live up to that.
[00:09:41] Damaged Parents: Right, Right. So you make it through this struggle, you start taking care of yourself and then it sounds like you've, I mean, you had to have chemotherapy, so I'm thinking cancer showed up somewhere along the way.
[00:09:52] Monique Toonen: Yes. Yeah. So, in the two years I started to figure out what gave me energy.
[00:09:58] What do I like to do? And I, I reacted on impulses that came up. I, the, that, that, that's what I did the first year. So I went horse riding, I did salsa lessons all kind of things that out of my comfort zone, which I never did before. Just to figure out, okay, do I like this? Do I get energy from this, all the things.
[00:10:23] Then the next year I started to travel. I booked nine international well vacations to figure out how, because traveling is one of the things that gives me. A lot of energy. So, and so it was like in 2017 I did those, those trips and every time I came back I was like, Well, what am I going to do right now?
[00:10:48] Because I was, I had this sabbatical year for my work before I was entirely dismissed and fired actually. . So, and to, and I bought a new house because I had to wait because of the, the divorce papers to buy a new house, and that house made me actually financially free. Mm. In, in 2021. But before that, in 2020, I was just, I just revamped my, brand, my business.
[00:11:25] And I started my new business with a new name. And that was beginning the end of February and in 2020 and in March, covid hit the world. Right, right. So I was like, Wow, man. I mean, how can you be be disencouraged, right? You finally get the things up again. And then in July I felt a lump in my breast, in my right breast.
[00:11:58] And yeah. And like three days, that was on a Friday. And on Tuesday I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer, which is a very fast growing cancer. So, I needed to act fast and well in three weeks time. I was on chemo, they call it a red devil, and not I mean, the name says it all.
[00:12:28] It's absolutely horrifying
[00:12:31] Damaged Parents: and like the feeling that you get when they give it to you.
[00:12:35] Monique Toonen: And not only that, but the, the side effects. I mean, if you get chemo, you lose like 60% of your energy. So you have to be very, very careful what kind of activities you have energy for. Right. Hence my topic is energy and people don't know, because people are like, Yeah, you know, as long as I have the energy, I can do everything.
[00:13:04] But that's the point until you don't have energy. So I'm very Knowledgeable and also by experience to go back what is truly, truly important and it's also all about your mindset because I think I. Healed myself because if you, if you have chemo, that's one part, that's your, just your physical body, right?
[00:13:35] But if you don't know how to heal yourself in the emotional part, you're gonna get the, the cancer back, or you're gonna get sick again in any way, shape or form. Right? So instead of like, Oh my God, and I'm gonna be honest, of course, I thought, Oh my God, am I going to survive this? Because I know that a lot of people die on cancer although people also people survive.
[00:14:06] But you know, I was. Well, maybe in six months, I'm, I'm not here anymore. Mm. That was also an outcome. You understand what I'm saying? Yeah. So
[00:14:19] Damaged Parents: you were looking at the different outcomes and one of them was, Well, I might not be here in six months. Yeah. Maybe another one was, I will make it through this.
[00:14:29] Yeah. So, but there, How did you, did you ki I wanna, I call it like, hang, Did you grab onto that thought of I might not be here in six months? And if you did, how did it help you get to where you are now?
[00:14:42] Monique Toonen: Because I thought, as a coach. I'm a certified counselor , and I'm also NLP and I did many, I mean, I do, I am a coach and a counselor, so I knew that if I give in to this idea that I might not be here in six months, I'm going to, well, that will be a self-fulfilling prophecy..
[00:15:09] So I felt like well practice what you preach. I advise my clients all the time. Well see the benefit of all, and see it as a challenge, stay positive. But for me, and of course I did all that, I was very practical. and positive. But also I still didn't learn how to make friends with my body.
[00:15:34] And as we all know your experiences and your pain are in your body. They're not in your head, they're not in your heart, they're in your body, There are in your cells. So I didn't still, well, in a profound way at least how to make friends with my body. And that's what I learned. But also by making choices, I mean, 40% of energy, that's less than half as you have in a normal state.
[00:16:05] Well, I had to make the choice, do I cook for myself? Do I clean the house? Or am I going to get groceries and, and and cook for? Oh no. Oh yeah. Do I cook for myself and, and get groceries or do I order something and fill up my cup by ordering something that I really liked? Mm.
[00:16:33] Damaged Parents: So you were having to make a decision between what's gonna fill even with food.
[00:16:40] Yes. Yeah. Every, it's gonna fill me up and it's gonna take it away
[00:16:44] Monique Toonen: every single day. Every single day.
[00:16:47] Damaged Parents: You, even as we're talking about this, I'm thinking we all do that every single day with just, most of us don't even think about it.
[00:16:56] Monique Toonen: Well, that's the automatic, automatic pilots we all grew up with.
[00:17:00] So my automatic pilot was disrupted by not having the energy. So choosing quality and making quality decisions, that's where it start to compound. Mm. And the good news is, before I ended my, chemo, I had a hundred percent remission, which means there's no tumor anymore. There only have to get out the marker.
[00:17:29] In my breast, which they do because they put it in, into the tumor when you start chemo and it's to check, they always have to operate you. And it's to check if there's truly no tumor anymore, because there, there can be one or 2% difference between the MRI and the real thing.
[00:17:54] Damaged Parents: Right. So the marker they put in to see and it attaches to the cancer cells, right?
[00:18:00] Monique Toonen: Exactly. Yes. it's within the tumor, so they always can check. Okay. Here was the tumor. Mm-hmm. . Yeah. It's, it's, it's a marker.
[00:18:11] Damaged Parents: It's a so that they can see it exactly on the, on
[00:18:14] Monique Toonen: the exams. Okay. Yes. And, and also the proof, the proof when they open you up that they only see the marker.
[00:18:21] and when I was operated a month later the surgeon told me that there were no there was nothing to see. And even on the the scar tissue, There was no, Well, how they say, like, even there was no hair that any seeds. I didn't find signs. No,
[00:18:43] No, nothing.
[00:18:44] Damaged Parents: Fantastic. So you attribute a lot of this then to really. Healing your energy it sounds like. So not only doing the chemo, but also at the same time taking the opportunity to heal yourself on an emotional level, which as you said, we think in some ways or most of society, I think, thinks that. The emotions are in our, our heads. Yes. And you're saying absolutely not.
[00:19:10] They are scattered throughout our bodies.
[00:19:12] Monique Toonen: Yes, absolutely. So that's why when you encounter a situation which reminds you with your senses, because your senses are, your adapters, are your, are your. That's how you sense something and that will store in your, in your body because we are like, I think 95% we are water.
[00:19:42] So the cells are The experiences are in our cells. That's what I'm trying to say.
[00:19:47] Damaged Parents: Yeah. Jokingly. Like what came to me when you said we're 99% water and then, with quantum physics, what came to mind for me, you may have seen me get a little smile. Yes. Is that ev a hundred percent of us is energy.
[00:20:00] Monique Toonen: Yes.
[00:20:00] Damaged Parents: Like at the very core, if you dig deep down into those cells,
[00:20:04] Monique Toonen: Yeah.
[00:20:05] Damaged Parents: Energy.
[00:20:06] Monique Toonen: Yeah.
[00:20:06] Yeah. We are, we are. Yeah. So, so when you encounter a situation which you have experienced in the past, you feel this, this, Oh, I feel the same. Oh my God, this sounds really like the same thing. That what happens, and what we often do, we create scenarios in our head, right?
[00:20:28] So before it's, it's, it just dece. The ex, the what you experience is just a seed. And then you start like, oh like for instance, when I feel something in my breast, I'm like, Oh no, not cancer again. Right. And
[00:20:46] so
[00:20:46] Damaged Parents: the first story that comes up for you is, Oh my gosh, there's cancer again.
[00:20:51] Monique Toonen: Exactly. So in
[00:20:52] which, which is related to the past.
[00:20:56] Damaged Parents: Right, right.
[00:20:58] Monique Toonen: Yes, but we have an opportunity to neutralize it. Mm-hmm. and say, Wait a minute, do I have evidence of today? Am I, did I check it? No. So let's extend the reaction here for a bit.
[00:21:20] Damaged Parents: Yeah.
[00:21:21] Monique Toonen: And expand your, your consciousness around it, because that's actually what you're doing.
[00:21:27] If you want to grow and, and get uncomfortable with the comfortable, right? Because the comfortable is, Oh, okay, I'm go, I'm going to have cancer. And while it's a human reaction, you don't facilitate yourself by getting crazy around it because you don't have, And that's also about having the faith in your body.
[00:21:56] Checking it and have faith, because the first time I felt something, it was like months ago, and then I had this urge at one time, I felt, in my opinion, another lump, right?
[00:22:14] Damaged Parents: Ah, mm-hmm. .
[00:22:17] Monique Toonen: But instead of creating the whole story, Just calm yourself down with another story and neutralize it.
[00:22:29] Damaged Parents: Yes, and I have a question because I'm thinking that some people will probably say to themselves, What are you talking about when I feel that that's not my comfort zone, but you, I think what you're saying is that's the story you already know.
[00:22:47] So because that's the story you already know. It's a comfortable story even though it's uncomfortable.
[00:22:53] Monique Toonen: Absolutely. Oh,
[00:22:55] Damaged Parents: I had never thought of it. I think I know I have done that where I have taken something and decided I knew what it meant now and I was very wrong.
[00:23:07] Monique Toonen: Yes, exactly. Yes. That, Well, that's what I'm saying.
[00:23:11] I remember one time, and this is maybe something better to, well, at least more positive. I remember I went to Morocco and. I love Moroccan food, right? They have Hari Soup in Morocco and I love that. So we went with my then boyfriend. We went to a restaurant and I ordered Hara Soup and I tried it and I was like, Oh no, that's not a great Way how they created it or how they, how they made it.
[00:23:47] So after a few days, we go to another restaurant and I, I ordered another Hari Soup and my dad boyfriend said to me, Well, you didn't like it the last time. Why do you order it again? I said, Well, we are in a different restaurant. They probably going to. Prepare it in a different way, so I'm going to try again.
[00:24:14] Right. And I tried the Hari, so, and it was delicious. So, and that's the same with experiences, and it's the same with how you approach every situation. Mm-hmm. , because there are so many Variables like in, in environments, all the things that you have to create a new experience.
[00:24:40] Damaged Parents: Right. Oh, so true.
[00:24:43] Okay. What would be the top three tools or tips that if somebody's going through a struggle right now, or maybe they're just out of it enough to listen to the podcast? Cuz I think sometimes at the very beginning you can't listen to, to what feels like rainbows and butterflies. You know what I'm
[00:25:00] saying,
[00:25:01] Monique Toonen: Yep. Absolutely. Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:25:04] Damaged Parents: But so what are those top three things you would say? Do this or try this.
[00:25:10] Monique Toonen: Well, if you are emotionally overwhelmed, I would say the first thing, and this is, this is very basic and maybe too simple to, to understand, but what I did when I had this panic attacks, I didn't think of breathing.
[00:25:31] Because breathing is, is very profound. If you inhale very deeply three times and exhale through your mouth, in through your nose, exhale through your mouth is very profound. But if you are an panic, you forget about it. Drink water. Drink water is something, Yeah. Yeah. But if you are overwhelmed and you drink a glass of water
[00:25:58] because it's almost the same as breathing because you have to stop, Like when you're drinking, you cannot breathe. You have to stop your, your breathing. Right?
[00:26:09] Damaged Parents: Ooh, yeah. That's a natural, Excuse me, I never thought about that. That's a natural way to slow
[00:26:14] down that breathing.
[00:26:15] Monique Toonen: Exactly. Yes. Exactly. So the first thing is drink water, like a whole glass.
[00:26:22] , in one sip. Right. The second one is breathing it. It's, it's your sos it's it, you always have it with you. It's just Right. You have to remind yourself to it. Yeah. And, and then the third one is if you don't know what fills your cup try, try, try different things. Do things you do you normally don't do.
[00:26:54] Because if you start to do things you normally don't do you gain self-confidence as well because mm-hmm. happiness is progress. If you are exploring new things and you are try to find things that fill up your cup it will excite you. And as soon as it excites you, it starts to fill up your cup.
[00:27:19] So you're getting , out of the dark, out of the, And it's good to do shadow work, And it's good to do to, to see how do you manage your energy? But that's something for later. That's why I believe that. But those are the three first steps. If you are feeling stressed, emotional, overwhelmed if you are well, Yeah, Spinning, spinning around over and over again.
[00:27:47] Those are the the three tips I would like to share.
[00:27:52] Yeah,
[00:27:52] Damaged Parents: definitely. Awesome. Thank you so much. This is Monique Toonen She's the Dream Life Al Chemist, and you can find her on Facebook. And what other social medias are you on?
[00:28:02] Monique Toonen: I am on Facebook and, and LinkedIn is actually the main, main social media.
[00:28:08] Yes. Yeah.
[00:28:09] Damaged Parents: Awesome. Well look for her there and her information will be in the show notes. Thank you so much for coming on the show today.
[00:28:15] Monique Toonen: You're most welcome.
[00:28:18] Damaged Parents: Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We really enjoyed talking to Monique about how she learned to find her energy. We especially liked when she spoke about when panicking drink a full glass of water because it helps slow down your breathing. To unite with other damaged people connect with us on Instagram look for damaged parents We'll be here next week still relatively damaged see you then
