S2E9: Helping Families Understand and Cope with Adolescent Substance Abuse

Richard Capriola has been a mental health and substance abuse counselor for over two decades. He recently retired from Menninger Clinic in Houston Texas where he treated both adolescents and adults. He is the author of a new book entitled The Addicted Child: A Parent's Guide to Adolescent Substance Abuse.

Social media and contact information: Viewers can reach me through the book's website: http://www.helptheaddictedchild.com

Podcast Transcript:

[00:00:00] Damaged Parents: Welcome to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents where helpful caring, loving people come to learn. Maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged. Someone once told me it's safe to assume. 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way. I would venture to say it's closer to 100%.

Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about. In my ongoing investigation of the damaged self, I want to better understand how others view their own challenges.

Maybe it's not so much about the damage, maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it. There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience? My hero is the damaged person, the one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side, whole those who stare directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover their purpose.

These are the people who inspire me. To be more fully me. Not in spite of my trials, but because of the. Let's hear from another hero.

Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advice. The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them.

Today, we're going to talk with Richard Capriola. He has many roles in his life. Father, brother, cousin step-grandfather and more. We'll talk about how he has been on the frontline, working with adults and adolescents diagnosed with substance use disorders. And how he helps others find health and healing. Let's talk

 Welcome back to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. Today, we've got Richard Capriola author of The Addicted Child: A Parent's Guide to Adolescent Substance Abuse. You can find him at https://helptheaddictedchild.com. He has also on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I'm so glad you're here today, Richard. Thank you.

[00:02:17] Richard Capriola: Thank you, Angela. It's a pleasure to be here and thank you so much for taking the time to have a discussion on this topic that can affect so many families.

[00:02:27] Damaged Parents: Oh, I think my perspective after doing this podcast for some time is that everyone has a struggle and they just all might look a little bit different and drugs and alcohol and mental health. I mean, I think that's the full gamut.

[00:02:45] Richard Capriola: , I've worked with many families and sat with them as they've gone through this struggle of, dealing with a, child who is abusing a substance like alcohol or marijuana and its effect on the family. And so many of them. Feel so so poorly about it. They feel as if, they've done something wrong or they missed the warning signs or that they're not good parents.

And, actually they are very good parents. But, but they go through this cycle of dealing with all of these emotions because when you have a child that's abusing a substance, it really does affect the entire family.

[00:03:21] Damaged Parents: It sounds like there's a dynamic, that, because it does affect the whole family. Cause it sounds like what I heard you say is these parents are very good parents, so it might not be that there's an unhealthy dynamic. necessarily at home, it might just be how that child interpreted or took on their own struggles and challenges.

Maybe.

[00:03:41] Richard Capriola: Yeah. Sometimes a, a child may be using a substance or turn to a substance to medicate and underlying emotional issue like anxiety. or depression or something maybe that happened at school, like being bullied that the parents weren't aware of. And then the parents many times find out about the substance use.

Well, after it has taken place so many times I would sit across from a family and I would go through their child's history of using a substance, what substances they've used, how long they have been using. And I would give them the diagnosis of a substance use disorder and they would look acrossed at me. And they would say, I had no idea that this was going on, or if they did suspect their child was using a substance, they would say, well, I sorta thought something was going on, but I didn't know it was this bad.

And these were good parents, but they felt as if they were failures as if they had been missing things. And they missed the warning signs because nobody told them what the warning signs were. Nobody had told them what to look for. But they went through all of this range of emotions, dealing with a child that they now discover has been using a substance for quite some time.

[00:04:51] Damaged Parents: Which has got to be scary as a parent, I would think.

[00:04:56] Richard Capriola: is scary as a parent. And I understand that, but the reason I wrote my book was to empower parents so that they would not be so afraid would not be paranoid about this topic because many times. And I think this is common and it's natural. we tend to shy away from things that we're afraid of. So many parents just want to avoid this issue.

They want to believe it will not happen to their child. And they will void it. And then unfortunately for some of those parents, they're caught off guard when it happens. So I wrote my book really to empower parents, to give them the information, to give them the knowledge and hopefully for, for them to feel better, prepared, more informed.

And hopefully they don't have to deal with this issue, but if they do feel more prepared to be able to deal with it rather than to try and struggle through a crisis,

[00:05:49] Damaged Parents: Right. And now, before we started our formal recording, I did tell you that I've been reading your book and I'm almost all the way through it. And I'm, I must admit reading the book. There's so much great information and it just, my gut went, oh, I really don't want to know this, but I really need to know this, you know what I'm saying?

Like that, that. Okay. And I have teenagers, my children are 16 and 18 and at the same time, it's like, oh, okay. Maybe now I have some more tools. It wasn't a fun read. Right. I don't know how to explain it, but it was definitely, I feel more knowledgeable. Like I have some ideas of what to look for in my children and.

Maybe some questions to ask or, you know, definitely those things to look for. But my thing is making sure I'm asking those questions and being observant, watching for changes in behavior, watching for some of those other things that maybe I wouldn't have looked for otherwise.

[00:06:54] Richard Capriola: Yeah, I, and that's good feedback. I appreciate that because that's exactly what I was hoping would be the outcome of people reading this book is not that it would scare parents, but it would give them information and they would feel better informed. And if they are in a situation where they suspect their child is using a substance, what are the next steps?

What do they do after they come to that realization? Who did they turn to? What type of an assessments should they get done? And if it does come down to the fact that their child is using a substance, what are the treatment options that are out there? And what kind of questions should you ask a treatment provider?

So I wanted this to be an easy resource. I kept it to around a hundred pages because I know parents don't have time to read volumes of information.

They're busy,

[00:07:40] Damaged Parents: You're right.

[00:07:41] Richard Capriola: they're, busy. So I wanted to keep it manageable. Pack a lot of information into it. If, a parent doesn't need it right.

now, that's great.

Read the book gain the knowledge, put it on a bookshelf. And if you need it in the future, it'll be there. Or perhaps you will know another family that may need it as a good resource too.

[00:07:59] Damaged Parents: Yeah. And what I really love too, is that I did not need a medical degree.

[00:08:03] Richard Capriola: Yeah. Right.

[00:08:04] Damaged Parents: You know, I do have knowledge of medical terminology and things like that, but this was such an easy read that I could easily say to someone who doesn't have that background. This is an important book to read. Now I do want to get to you are a mental health and substance abuse counselor.

And you've been, doing that. You had done that for over two decades and the question. That I have in mind, what's the difference between like a mental health and substance abuse counselor and what we call today therapists versus maybe a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

[00:08:38] Richard Capriola: Well, the difference I think is in terms of training and licensure. I am licensed in the state of Texas as a licensed chemical dependency, counselor, which means I have the education and the training and the experience to work with adolescents and adults who have a history of using substances, whether it's alcohol or drugs.

I did spend, before I got into this field, I did spend time working as a mental health counselor in Illinois and Illinois. I was licensed as a licensed professional counselor and a chemical dependency counselor. So in Illinois, I had both licenses. And I worked in a mental health crisis center in central Illinois, a regional crisis center.

When I moved to Texas, I accepted a position at Menninger clinic in Houston, Texas. Menninger clinic is, is a large psychiatric hospital that serves adolescents and adults from around the world. Uh, So I got licensed in Texas as a chemical dependency and addictions counselor, and was hired at Menninger to be an addictions counselor for both adults and adolescents.

And I worked at Menninger clinic for. A decade treating both adolescents and adults diagnosed with mental health and substance abuse issues. When you get to the issue of psychologist and psychiatrist, the psychologist that I work with were PhD educated individuals. So they had not only undergraduate.

But extensive graduate training and they were licensed as a, either a psychologist or a neuropsychologist. They were part of the treatment team along with me. And then psychiatrist are MDs. They are licensed physicians who specialize in psychiatry. At Menninger clinic, as a patient, you had an entire team that was working licensed chemical dependency counselor.

That was me. You had a social worker, you had a psychologist or a neuropsychologist. You had a psychiatrist and you had the nursing staff and all of those work together as a team. So that's sort of the differences in the different disciplines that. Work on either mental health or addictions.

[00:10:54] Damaged Parents: So it sounds like, and thank you for explaining the differences. and yet it also sounds like sometimes it does require a team of people and not just one person, one therapist or counselor or drug addiction, counselor, , to see the whole of the person so that you can, they could be treated in such a way that hopefully relapse doesn't happen.

Right.

[00:11:19] Richard Capriola: Yeah. You know, There's two stages, there's the assessment stage. And I talk about this in my book. What assessments should you get done? And the point I'm trying to make is exactly the point. That you brought up Angela, you need a comprehensive assessment. You suspect your child is using a substance.

Well, you need an addictions assessment. you need somebody to look at the look at your child's history of using substances and tell you, the history and how serious it is. But beyond that you also need a psychological assessment done by a psychologist or a neuropsychologist because many times, not all the time, but many times a child will be using a substance to medicate an underlying psychological issue.

Maybe it's anxiety or depression, or some type of abuse or trauma, perhaps that's taken place at school that you knew nothing about. In addition to an addictions assessment, you want a psychological or a neuropsychological assessment to uncover whether or not there's any other issues below the surface that that as a parent you need to know about, and then you'll need a good, complete physical examination to make sure that there's nothing medically that might be contributing to the behaviors you see.

So you put all these together and you have a comprehensive assessment, a comprehensive view of what your child has been dealing with. When it comes to treatment, there's all kinds of treatment options. There's no one treatment that fits every child. Some kids will do very good and an outpatient program where they see somebody maybe once a week or their kids will need an intensive outpatient program where they see somebody several times a week.

And then some, instances where the substance use is so severe or their underlying mental health issues are so severe. They may be looking at a resident placement a residential treatment. And in those treatment facilities, that's where you're likely to see a multi-disciplinary approach to treatment where it brings together all those disciplines that I mentioned earlier in a coordinated effort to treat your child in a residential setting.

[00:13:23] Damaged Parents: Now. Something that kept coming up for me as a parent is I'm just thinking, man, if this was happening in my family, would I really want to control this situation to the best of my ability? And at the same time, I'm thinking control and coercion just aren't the best way to do life, right in relationships.

So is there a balance that happens between the children and the parents and all of this? Or, I mean, it's such a, what's the word I'm looking for? Complex issue. It seems like.

[00:13:56] Richard Capriola: Yeah. it is a complex issue and it places, parents in a very stressful, difficult position, because now they're confronted with a child that's using a substance and they need, they intuitively know that they need to do something. And the child probably is going to resist any attempt to resolve the issue.

Just about every child that came into Menninger clinic came in, arguing and screaming and fighting and negotiating and telling their parents, no, I don't want to do this, but that's not anything new to parents. Parents usually are used to their kid telling them no, they've had to deal with this on a number of issues.

So as difficult as it is as a parent, we need to do what we feel is in the best interest of our child and in our family, regardless of what the child wants to do. And if you have a child that's using alcohol or using a substance, you need to address that issue. The earlier you address it and get it resolved, the less damage that's going to happen to that child and to your family.

[00:15:02] Damaged Parents: Yeah. I really heard. Sometimes the kids come kicking and screaming and that's that's okay. And I'm also thinking that, you know, we talked a little bit about it early on. There is an injury that happens and the trauma of the child may also become a trauma to the parent.

And what supports are there for parents that have these children struggling with, drug addiction or alcohol abuse or.

Any of the other addictive things you talk about in your book?

[00:15:32] Richard Capriola: Yeah, I think it's very important that that parents get support for themselves as they're going through this process. I wrote a companion parent workbook that accompanies the main book?

and the reason I wrote it was I recognize the parents are going through a very difficult emotional stressful situation dealing with a child that's using a substance.

They need help too. It's very important that as a family goes through this, because it does affect the entire family that parents get support. Maybe it's a good friend, maybe it's a counselor. Maybe it's a support group through the mental health association or through other areas.

But regardless of the approach that is used. It's very important that as you go through this process of exploring what your child's been doing, what the assessments are, what the diagnoses are and if needed what the treatment is, as it's very important that parents get support to help them get through this process so that they don't feel so alone.

[00:16:35] Damaged Parents: Yeah. And something just came to mind, I've thought about parents with children who struggle with cancer and compare it for lack of better who the way to do it. Comparing that to parents, with children who struggle with substance abuse. And it seems like there might be some shame , and maybe even guilt, I did this wrong.

I didn't. Whereas with someone with a child who has cancer, it's like this open, I'm going to reach out to my community. It's easier. What would you say to these parents that feel like I need to hide this? This is not normal. What do you do then?

[00:17:11] Richard Capriola: I think that that's an excellent point because there is such a stigma associated with alcohol and drug abuse that we don't find with other diseases with other mental health diseases or physical diseases. There is a negative stigma that is associated to substance abuse whether it's adults or adolescents.

And I think that contributes to the shame that some parents feel and the need to try and keep this as quiet as they can. It's unfortunate because addiction and drug and alcohol abuse is No different than any other medical condition. And it needs to be recognized as that. And it needs to be treated as such.

But there's no question that there is a stigma around this that sometimes helps contributes to family, families, feeling a certain degree of shame when they feel like they've got a child who's using a substance. But this is affecting a lot more families out there than I think we know. And again parents need support.

They need help to get beyond that and to recognize that that they two needs me to help and support as they go through this.

[00:18:23] Damaged Parents: Yeah. And I'm thinking is as far as the support groups, that's helpful because then there are other parents that you might see that are also dealing with the same challenges.

[00:18:35] Richard Capriola: Yes. And that's the purpose of a support group. It brings together people who have something in common like a child who might be using substance abuse or a child that might be struggling with a mental health disorder. And it allows parents in a very safe environment to talk about what they're feeling and to process those with other people who are probably experiencing the same emotions and same feelings.

And I think that can be very powerful. In terms of healing and helping parents get through this difficult time.

[00:19:05] Damaged Parents: Would it be fair to say that seeing it as a disease which it is. And what I'm trying to figure out is I. My thought is, is like that. If I were a parent feeling shame about something like that, anything, but we're specifically talking about drug abuse right now that, that I would hold on.

I just lost my train of thought.

[00:19:28] Richard Capriola: I think, I think sometimes parents begin to think, well, how did this happen to me? How did this happen to my family? And then they start to feel guilty. Did I do something wrong? Was I a bad parent? How did this, and why did this happen to my child? Well, the reality of the situation is every child is vulnerable.

To getting captured by alcohol or drug use. Every child is vulnerable. There is no totally protected environment Every child is vulnerable. It doesn't matter where you live urban suburban, rural area. It doesn't matter your level of income. It doesn't matter what school you send your child to.

Every child is vulnerable to being captured by alcohol and drugs. These kids know. That these drugs are readily available. They know that when we ask high school seniors, for example, how easy is it for you to get marijuana? Almost 80% of high school seniors tell us that's not a problem. I can get it if I want it. About 80% tell us

it's no problem for them to find alcohol if they want it. And about 30% of them tell us it's not a problem to find a drug like LSD. So these kids know that these drugs are readily available. The other side of it is that they don't think these drugs are very harmful. When we ask high school seniors, , how harmful do you think it is to smoke marijuana on a regular basis on a regular basis?

Only 30% of seniors tell us they think that's harmful. These drugs are readily available. Kids did not think that they're all that dangerous. And that makes every child more vulnerable to being caught up in this.

[00:21:14] Damaged Parents: So let's say a child is pretty, pretty well. They've been given the tools to have emotional intelligence. Does that help them stay away or not really? Cause it sounds like what you're saying is they're all vulnerable. And maybe even if a child has a good understanding of their emotions, they might still engage in this type of behavior.

[00:21:34] Richard Capriola: Yeah, because you know how a child gets captured by, by using a substance there's different routes. Some will get involved with alcohol or, drug like marijuana because they're associating with other kids who use the substance. Others will get involved out of curiosity, they've heard about this.

They want to try it and they want to see, what is this marijuana do? And they just experiment and they either have a good experience or a bad experience. And then for some certainly not all. There's an underlying emotional issue that they're trying to medicate. Most of the children that I worked with at Menninger clinic or were smoking marijuana when I asked them to help me understand why they were using marijuana, the number one answer they came back was it helps me with my anxiety.

So for a certain number of kids, not all kids, but for a certain number of kids, there might be an underlying emotional issue like anxiety or depression or some other condition that the child has discovered, helps them medicate that issue and make it less intense in their life. And that's another reason why, as a parent, you want to get a complete picture.

You want to get a complete picture to either rule in or rule out whether or not your child has any of these emotional issues that might be contributing to the behaviors that you're saying?

[00:22:50] Damaged Parents: Right. and so the answer is we can do our best as parents and yet they can get into it for all this plethora of reasons. They're just going to try

[00:23:00] Richard Capriola: Absolutely.

Absolutely. Yeah. it is unfortunately many parents look at it and think that they're bad parents. When in fact they're very good parents, there are so many different routes. These drugs are so widely available that you do the best that you can and your child still may get involved in alcohol or drugs.

That's not a reflection on you as a parent. It's a reflection on how available these substances are and how these kids don't view them as being very harmful

[00:23:28] Damaged Parents: Now I've also heard. People say like, or other adults, or I think even you talked about it in your book a little bit about maybe not, but you know, hey, if you're going to do it, let me know so that I can supervise or something like that. And , what has been your experience with parents or the situation that happens afterwards if that happened?

[00:23:50] Richard Capriola: Well, that's never a good idea. Remember you're dealing with an adolescent, you're dealing with an adolescent developing brain, and it's very important that parents recognize the fact that their child's brain is in the process of developing our brains. Don't become fully developed until around age 24, 25.

So your child's brain is very vulnerable as it's beginning to develop. And I tried to stress that in my book, the neuroscience of addiction. So the parents, you get a little bit better understanding of the need to protect that developing brain in their child. Sometimes I ask the question, what about if I tell my child it's okay.

They can drink some alcohol in our home, but I don't want them drinking away from home. The research on that shows that in those environments where a parent will say to a child, you can drink alcohol here at home, but you can't drink it away from home. That when those child children leave home, they actually end up drinking more alcohol than

children who come from families where it's been prohibited altogether. So that's a very dangerous approach for parents to take in letting their child drink alcohol at home, but telling them they can't drink away. Those kids very likely, according to research will end up drinking much more alcohol later in life.

[00:25:13] Damaged Parents: That's so interesting, you know, they are certain, it is the right answer. And the studies, it sounds like show that that's not true.

[00:25:21] Richard Capriola: Right.

[00:25:21] Damaged Parents: Yeah. Fascinating, fascinating stuff.

[00:25:25] Richard Capriola: I would say that when we look at substances in the adolescent population, the two primary substances continued to be marijuana and alcohol. And fortunately they've been relatively stable over the last 10 years, but what we have noticed is a tremendous increase. And in adolescents vaping where they will take a substance like nicotine or marijuana, they're using an instrument that turns it into a vapor and then they'll inhale it. The percentage of kids of teenagers, adolescents who have turned to vaping in the last three years has been a tremendous increase. For example. Three years ago, the percentage of high school seniors that were vaping marijuana was 9% today. It's 22%. The percent of high school seniors that were vaping nicotine three years ago was 18%.

Today is 34%. So in the last three years, there has been a tremendous increase in these adolescents, turning to vaping to get nicotine and marijuana.

[00:26:28] Damaged Parents: Yeah. It seems to me, you know, we've been off school for 18. It was 18 months that kids were out of school. And within the first week of my youngest going back to school, she was approached. within the first week somebody is asking her if she wants to, I don't know what it was, but she did talk about it.

And, and I had kind of hoped, well, maybe that's not going to be the case. After this 18 months, maybe people have gotten closer in their families. Clearly my mindset was, was, you know, maybe, maybe wrong.

So clearly it was not what happened, I mean, I don't know if, you also have heard or know of what's happening right now, or I'm certain, we'll probably see that in studies down the way. What are your thoughts

[00:27:14] Richard Capriola: And then there'll be another research finding national study that comes out after the first of the year. And we'll be able to see if there's been any changes in adolescent substance abuse. I suspect that we won't see any significant changes. The hall or marijuana, but we need to pay close attention to what's going on. with vaping.

Because in the last three years it's been surging. Hopefully it is stabilized and maybe turned down a little bit, but of all the substances that are out there, I think this vaping concept is the one at this point that's most concerning.

[00:27:48] Damaged Parents: Well, my understanding too, with vaping is it's really injurous to the lungs also.

[00:27:54] Richard Capriola: It is because you're taking a substance, whether it's nicotine or marijuana, usually in very high concentrations. And then you're turning it into a vapor that you inhale into the lungs. So , you are running the risk of doing some damage. whenever you put a substance other than oxygen and air into your lungs,

[00:28:15] Damaged Parents: Yeah. Now I did want to ask about like 12 step programs. I mean, are there 12 step programs for children, for family members, for adults, et cetera, that they can reach out to, to find information or even get support.

[00:28:31] Richard Capriola: There are 12 step programs and there is a smart recovery program, which is not 12 step based, but also is geared on helping people achieve sobriety. I usually recommend that adolescents attend adolescent based groups not adult-based groups, I think adolescents need to have their own groups. So many communities you will find adolescent based treatment programs and adolescent based support groups.

Maybe they are 12 step focused or maybe they are smart recovery focused, but adolescents involved in an adolescent support group can find a lot of benefits and a lot of help.

[00:29:10] Damaged Parents: Now I'm also assuming. In some cases, medication is required to help someone with, the underlying mental health issues and things like that. And my thought also is that without giving that child or that adolescent or that addict, the tools. Yes, the medication will help, but ultimately we want them to have some tools in dealing with their emotions and things like that. Right?

[00:29:37] Richard Capriola: Yeah, we do. And there are many issues like anxiety for example, that can be treated with medication, but they can also be treated by teaching the individual certain coping skills that will reduce their anxiety. One example would be slow breathing exercises. Those take time and those take practice.

And unfortunately, a lot of people want to quick-fix to whatever's bothering them and that's where they turn to medication or drugs or alcohol. But you're absolutely right. In many of these conditions like anxiety, for example, can be effectively treated by teaching the individual coping skills and having them practice those coping skills.

[00:30:17] Damaged Parents: Yeah, because , I've also had just listening to the kids, talk to their friends, it's like, they want things fixed right away right now. Even from my perspective of having a disability, I was always looking for that fix. And I'm wondering how much of that mentality of there's a fix out there is attributed to, well, if I just do this drug or if I just drink this alcohol, or if I just do this at this pain will be relieved and I will be quote unquote, fixed.

[00:30:45] Richard Capriola: I think , that's an excellent point. Kids are no different than adults. We don't like sitting with what I call intolerable thoughts or feelings or memories. And like adults, kids want to get rid of that feeling as quickly as possible. So they look for an alternative to do it.

Maybe it's in the form of a prescription medication if they have it or if they can get it off the street. And sometimes it's in the form of a drug like marijuana, but they want a quick fix just like adults do. When we have an intolerable thought feeling or memory, we want to get rid of it as quickly as possible.

[00:31:20] Damaged Parents: Yeah. And it's hard to learn to let it wash through like a wave. That's been my experience. That's what I've learned is I've just got to experience it and that's, that's not fun.

[00:31:31] Richard Capriola: It's not fun.

and it's not quick. And it takes work. It takes practice. You have to learn these coping skills. You have to practice them. They're not going to work overnight. They're not going to be a quick fix. And I think in a lot of cases that's not the effort and the time that certainly an adolescent and many adults are willing to invest, because they're more likely to turn for a prescription for a quick fix, or if they can't find a prescription, they'll turn to a drug that they can get off the street.

[00:32:01] Damaged Parents: Yeah. So that's. part of the conversation too, , when the people are coming into the clinic or going into treatment, what are we looking at as far as time? Because it's not going to be, as soon as the child gets out or the adult or whomever is having the addictive problem, that it will be the treatment's not done at that point.

Right. There's still continued learning and growing that would need to happen. Right.

[00:32:25] Richard Capriola: Yeah, the assessment and the treatment is just the beginning of the process. It's the first two steps you do the assessment, you get a treatment plan and then you do the treatment, but then you have a long period of time when you have aftercare and that's true of any disease or anything that you're trying to deal with.

You first figure out what the problem is. You get the treatment plan for it you do the treatment and then you have aftercare and that's the same where the addiction too. So the assessment and the treatment is just the beginning of the process.

[00:32:55] Damaged Parents: Yeah, it just seems like with mental health and drug addiction, it's like, can't we just fix it right now. I mean, really , from that perspective, whereas with cancer, we know that there's all this other stuff and with addiction, it's like, but why can't we just fix it right now?

[00:33:10] Richard Capriola: Yeah, just fix it right now? All you need to do is just stop using and everything will be fine. Unfortunately that that's not always the case, but it is the way that sometimes we think, well, we have a child that's using alcohol or using marijuana. We're just going to get them to quit And everything will be fine.

Well, you know, it may be in some cases that's true, but not in every case.

[00:33:32] Damaged Parents: Yeah. So it sounds like it would be important to be aware that while one child may be successful in that, the likelihood of that happening is pretty slim because there's a lot of learning and growing that might need to happen. And as far as like coping and dealing with the feelings that come up after getting rid of the drug and now feeling those feelings and not being able to take a pill to change them.

[00:33:55] Richard Capriola: Yeah. And that requires perhaps an extended period of support and extended period of therapy. Because like I say, the assessment and the treatment is just the beginning of the process. There's much more that follows afterwards.

[00:34:09] Damaged Parents: Yeah. And the parent can't fix it and they can't control for it. So how does this is just my thought process how do they teach that I mean, ultimately it doesn't, the child needs to choose their own, their sobriety and find their power in that. Do you understand where I'm going with that? I'm thinking what I'm thinking of is as a parent, I can only control for so much.

And at some point the child has to choose

[00:34:35] Richard Capriola: As a parent, you can control for getting the assessments done and getting the treatment plan and getting the professional recommendations and advice. You can control the treatment process, where your child goes to treatment, who they see, how often they see that person you'll get some guidance from professionals as to what kind of treatment is best for your child and how long that treatment should last.

You will have the role of supporting that process throughout the entire time that your child is in treatment. And then after treatment, you will have the responsibility for sort of monitoring and making sure that the aftercare program is followed beyond that though. Ultimately the child has to make the decision for themselves as to whether after treatment, they want to continue to move forward or not.

And a lot of that will depend on the success of treatment, the motivation of the child, what they've learned. Every child is different. But there is a limit as to what you as a parent can do. Ultimately the final outcome and decision will rest on decisions that your child makes hopefully after going through treatment and with your support as a parent, they'll start to make better decisions.

[00:35:53] Damaged Parents: It's such a complex issue Richard, and I am so glad you've been here to talk about some of these difficult, complex ideas of where's the parent's responsibility? Where's the child's responsibility? What, what can I do? Because I think at some point, some children will not be able to remain sober and then, as a parent boundaries have to be figured out and how do I do that with love and Yeah, I guess really?

How does a parent do that with love? And I'm not sure you've got the answer to that specific question, but.

[00:36:28] Richard Capriola: Well, I, I think you, do it with compassion. I think you'd do it with guidance. I think you'd do it with an understanding of the issue, a realistic understanding of the issue. And the bottom line is as a parent. When you intervene, that's the best you can do. You've recognized the problem.

You've got the assessments done. You've got the opinion from professionals you've moved forward if needed into treatment. You've done the best that you can do. Certain responsibility is going to rest on the child. The child now has to take responsibility for their own progress and their own treatment.

Most kids who, entered treatment are in what we call the pre-contemplation stage of change. Denial. They don't think it's a problem. They don't understand why everybody else thinks it's a problem, hopefully through treatment. And through counseling, they move from what we call pre-contemplation, which is denial.

I don't think it's a problem. What's the big deal into contemplation, which is okay. I'm willing to look at it. Maybe I want to quit. Maybe I don't want to quit. I'm not sure which one, but I'm willing to look at it. So children can move and they can progress once they get the right treatment and the right support.

[00:37:42] Damaged Parents: Gosh. I mean, what you're saying is reminding me of what I read in Adam Grant's book. Think Again, that getting to the point of, in a conversation. Well, maybe I don't have all the answers, just even the possibility. That maybe I don't know, helps keep me open to other possibilities of learning and growing actually.

[00:38:03] Richard Capriola: Yeah. And that's an important move to come to that realization just as it, it's an important move for a parent to come to the realization that this is not all their fault, some responsibility lies with the child. but you, as a parent, can recognize that there's a problem can get the assessments done, can direct the child into treatment.

And then, like I said earlier, it's up to the individual child to take responsibility, to, and for parents to hold them accountable for that responsibility.

[00:38:32] Damaged Parents: Yeah. So once they take ownership, okay, this is what I'm choosing to do. I'm going to hold you accountable to this because you asked me to, right. Like there seems like there needs to be that communication and that dynamic of it's you and me against the problem, not you and me against each other.

[00:38:48] Richard Capriola: Exactly. We're a team. We're going to approach this together. I need you to participate and I'll participate. You have a rural, I have a role, we're a team we're going to do this together. The child may not start out with that attitude. But hopefully with the support of counselors and treatment they'll come around.

[00:39:05] Damaged Parents: Yeah. Okay. The top three things I know we've already talked about a tremendous amount of tools but if you were asked, well, I'm going to ask you, what are the top three things you would want parents to walk away from this podcast with mostly because that's who listens to my podcast are the parents.

[00:39:24] Richard Capriola: Yeah, my recommendation is get a copy of this book. Learn the warning signs. Hopefully don't be so paranoid or afraid of this issue, don't run away from it. Don't hide from it because I think that's a natural tendency of what we all want to do when we're afraid of something. But take advantage of the information that's in that book so that you feel more empowered as a parent.

Really that's the goal is to empower you to not be afraid of this topic. Hopefully. You won't be confronted with this issue, but you'll have the security of knowing that you will be better prepared to deal with it after having read this book than what you were before it and learn the warning signs.

[00:40:07] Damaged Parents: Oh, so great. I'm so glad I got to have you on the show today. Thank you, Richard Capriola again, you can find him at https://helptheaddictedchild.com, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Thank you again for coming on the show.

[00:40:23] Richard Capriola: Thank you, Angela. I appreciate you participating in our discussion and asking your excellent questions and hopefully we were able to share some important information with your audience so thank you so much for taking the time to speak with me.

[00:40:36] Damaged Parents: Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We've really enjoyed talking to Richard about how he works with those who suffer from substance abuse and mental health disorders. We especially liked when he spoke about how he would teach adolescents, showing them the information, and then they would make good choices from there. To unite with other damaged people, connect with us on Tik TOK. Look for damaged parents. We'll be here next week still relatively damaged see you then