S2E38: How to Overcome the Stories that Hold You Back

Denise Wester lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband, Kevin. They enjoy seven grandchildren from their five kids. Being in the Northwest, she enjoys riding her bike, kayaking, and camping with the family. When Denise found herself a young single mom on welfare, not knowing where they would sleep the next night, she got courageous and Busted Through to make a better life for her family and herself. Denise has been through bankruptcy, divorce, multiple job layoff, and recovered from many wrong turns, as well as a severe car accident that took several years of rehabilitation. Life has been a great instructor, and she has experienced life-changing results herself to create a vibrant, joyful, and authentic life. She has laid out the methods and tools that saw her through these times in this workbook. As a Certified Life Coach, Denise is passionate about helping you overcome the stories holding you back, discovering your passion, clearing up the clutter in your life that is bogging you down, and dig deep to find the courage to take action in your life's vision. This is why she has written Busting Through. Denise started her writing journey with a wine blog. In addition, when she had an idea for a children's story she self-published on Amazon The Adventures of Dust Bunny.

Social media and contact information:

@deniserwester

Podcast Transcript

[00:00:00] Damaged Parents: Welcome back to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents were divorced. Bankrupt vivacious people come to learn, maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged. Someone once told me it's safe to assume. 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way. I would venture to say it's closer to 100%.

Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that makes us feel less than like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about. In my ongoing investigation of the damaged self. I want to better understand how others view their own challenges. Maybe it's not so much about the damage. Maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it.

There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience? My hero is the damaged person. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side, whole. Those who stared directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover their purpose.

These are the people who inspire me to be more fully me, not in spite of my trials, but because of them. Let's hear from another hero. Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advice. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them.

Today, we're going to talk with Denise Wester. She has many roles in her life, wife, daughter, grandparent, author, and more. We'll talk about how she experienced bankruptcy, divorce, multiple job layoffs. And more and how she found health and healing let's talk

Welcome back to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. Today, we have Denise Wester with us. Denise found herself a young single mom on welfare. She had no idea where they were going to sleep the next night and she got courageous. And busted through to make a better life for her family and herself. Denise has been through bankruptcy, divorce, multiple job layoffs and recovered from many wrong turns, as well as a severe car accident that took several years of rehabilitation.

Life has been a great instructor and she has experienced life-changing results herself to create a vibrant, joyful, and authentic life. She has laid out the methods and tools that saw her through these times in the journaling workbook, rightfully titled Busted Through, you can find Denise at https://DeniseWester.com.

And on Instagram, her tag is @DeniseRWester, Denise. Welcome to the show. You're also a life coach. I didn't say that, but man, you've got so much.

[00:03:03] Denise Wester: Oh, well, thank you so much. for having me. I am. So looking forward to this conversation with you

[00:03:09] Damaged Parents: oh, thanks. Yeah, I think the neat thing about these stories is just recognizing we aren't alone. And I'm thinking at the time you went through your struggle, that was probably one of your struggles, especially being a single mom, I could see that as feeling super alone.

[00:03:27] Denise Wester: Yeah, you know, especially since I have left religion and realizing, and coming into finding myself the religion left me feeling like loss because you're being controlled your entire life. You're being told what to believe, what to do. I like it being really strict religion, the same as being in any toxic relationship that you're being controlled in. Whether it's a marriage a work, a boss, a friend and religion. There's so many things that can find yourself trapped in being controlled with and coming out of that in finding your own voice,

finding your own purpose, finding your own passion and getting the strength just say yes to what you want in life is powerful, but it's it's hard taking those steps because we've been so controlled for so long. That in being given fear that you can't live without them, or that's a controlling manipulation, or, your life is going to go wrong and it's because of you blessed them. So you have those things going on the back of your mind, when you're making your steps towards you and you take, maybe take some spills and you know, you have lessons along the way, and those words come back to haunt you.

It's oh, the doubts and things. So finding your personal power. It's amazing. But yet you do when you've been in a controlled environment, your entire life as a child you know, I left it when I was like 18, 19 years old. It was very, very, very empowering, but like I said, it, it can play some mind games on you too.

[00:04:57] Damaged Parents: So it sounds like yet there's another struggle here in that is what happened with you inside of religion and how that impacted your thoughts and beliefs, even after the fact.

[00:05:09] Denise Wester: Yeah, well, it does, because you have to start discovering your own thoughts And you catch yourself going on, it's wait a minute. I've been told my life to, believe this? Do I really. I had to just drill down and I did. I just sat one day and I can send my book as a journaling work book.

And I was like, I just asked myself the question. Do I believe in God? Even I had just asked you to tell the simplest questions like that. And it's yes, yes I do. Do I believe in the Bible? Do I believe, what about the holidays I've been told my entire life, the holidays are Pegan and evil. You know how do I feel about that? And that, you know, it was so empowering to come to my choices, my belief, and and I enjoyed that journey and I didn't have any resentment towards religion about that in that I, it was my choice now. And I was just taking ownership of my choice going forward and I, wasn't looking back in more acceptable things do come up, like when I wrote this book and I was going to put it out and I talk about how I felt

about the religion and that sort of thing in my book. And I thought, I can't get this book out .My first thought you know, Like why, cause I'm pretty raw in here and I tell everything about my life to share with my audience, but then I was like, well, where's that come from that? I can't put my book out. Cause I can't talk about the religion. It's like, wow, they're still playing mind games on this. Do I really? And that's why I just asked my questions. Do I really care with the religion thinks? No, I don't.

Do I care about what my family thinks is in religion? No, I don't. So it's like just asking myself the questions and really getting honest with myself. It's whoa, I can put this book out because it's going to help those who come through similar circumstances. Those similar Denise's out there that need to find their personal power that are on a journey. And, are stuck in need to bust through.

[00:06:56] Damaged Parents: Yeah. And I would think that with, especially I know in the states that most even Christian religions, and I'm not sure what kind of religion you're talking about, but there's this idea that if you don't believe what is said, that you're wrong. It's not about the spiritual journey.

It's about. The religion. Does that make sense?

[00:07:18] Denise Wester: That's makes sense yeah, I understand what you're saying. And that has been the most beautiful thing in all of this. I feel now through my own discovery, my own feelings, my own spirituality I feel closer to God than I ever, ever have. you know Or your higher power, whatever you believe. And I think that with that, I think with my children, I raised them all to discover it for themselves. I never told them, you know, you had to believe God, I never told them that you had to believe, what their higher power was or anything like that. I wanted them to become adults and do their own self discovery. And I.

think that's so important for everybody in this world is not to think what you believe is right. It's right for you. And it's important that you develop that own relationship, but I feel closer than I ever have to and more spiritual and more connected than I ever have than I ever did in that religion. And I think it's so important for everybody to in this world to allow others that same freedom.

[00:08:16] Damaged Parents: Yeah, I think it's also, that can be difficult for some people, right? If, joining a religion to, find that spiritual place. And then believing that that can be the only way it, can actually cause problems later because it doesn't allow room for, I guess in some ways what I'm trying to say, and I know I didn't finish that sentence is that my new view, is that what I believe is my own and what other people believe is their own. And they get to go on that journey for themself.

And I can give them my thoughts. I can share my thoughts, but I can't make them choose my way.

[00:09:03] Denise Wester: Yeah. And I think that's a very important point, especially in these times. And you guys come from a place for, I have a whole chapter on being kind and there's the quotes. every single chapter starts with the quote that I thought kind of helped punctuate my chapter. Another chapter on kindness.

And there's that. From Wayne Dyer, it says it's better to be kind than to be right. So it's in so many times in this day and age, people are through with their ego because they want to be right. And it gets the, everybody battling with their own ego pushing through with their ego to be right.

And I just think everybody needs to be pushing through and opening our hearts with kindness you know, And you find that you can dissolve a situation with kindness and it's okay to have different viewpoints. And the feeling that it's not okay for them to have different viewpoints. It's gotten to be very toxic and can be very toxic for yourself.

So that's why I think it's so important to just being aware when you have this strong feeling coming up, where that was coming from? Why do you feel? You know I think anytime in our life, we come to be pushed through with ego or pushed through with hate, or you are leading behind kindness and love. So I think you should always be pushing through or busting through and being present with others out of kindness and love and leaving that ego behind It'll get you in trouble every single time

[00:10:28] Damaged Parents: Can you give us an example of a time where before you had the tools right. of maybe a situation where it was you, you know, kind of show us in story form what being right looks like, and then after that, give us, maybe a similar situation where you were able to use these newer tools.

[00:10:49] Denise Wester: That's the interesting question. You have to go way back, but I discovered. Wayne Dyer in my twenties. And he did shift and that was the reason I discovered Wayne Dyer's story. Very, very interesting in that I had a sales job and I was so driven. And so, passionate about, and I had this customer that was always pushing my buttons. She was so hard on me, so tough and always just, always. to me. And she was just always fabricating credits that she didn't have reserves and taking them twice. And I was always reconciling her account constantly spending hours and hours reconciling accounts. And she was just, anyway, she was pushing my buttons and I would just cry. I was always in tears after having a conversation with her. And I remember one Sunday after talking to her, if I was home and I was just got down, I was just crying and crying and crying. I was so upset, so angry, so angry. And so I decided was I going to just chill for a moment and I could turn the TV channel surf and relax, so I was channel surfing and there on PBS with Wayne Dyer, with his long sleeve sweater, giving a speech. And I stopped, never have in my entire life of seeing that him on there talking, I stopped. And he was, promoting his book Spiritual Solutions for Everyday Problems. And I just stopped and I listened to him and he was talking about this very subject of, letting go of trying to manage these situations

coming through from ego and coming through from, you know, trying to control the situation to just allowing

[00:12:26] Damaged Parents: Okay. So like with the gal you're talking about in the sales situation, in what was happening inside of you, it sounds like it's really wanting to control this and they get better somehow.

[00:12:36] Denise Wester: yeah. And like, , I was never going to change the kind of person she was.. I was just going to be able to change how I was reacting to her. So it changed me. I did, it was instant shift, instant shift ,

[00:12:47] Damaged Parents: Hm.

[00:12:48] Denise Wester: To stop coming through just listening to what you're saying, stating the facts of what the company policies were and not make it so personal that she was attacking me, she was just trying . To be a cheater and be a liar and try and, you know, and that was her problem, and I was taking on so frustrating. One of the hardest things for me in life is always to be sitting across face to face from a liar so that was my lesson I wasn't going to change her, but I can just change how I react to her and my environment.

And, you know, not allowing her to just ruin my whole afternoon or my day of her work ethic. I could just change how I was reacting to it.

[00:13:27] Damaged Parents: Hmm. Yeah. So it sounds like, well, it wasn't two different situations. It was, a before and after kind of, of the same situation where. Yeah, where we're at first inside of use this anger and this frustration and really try. And maybe there's some people pleasing in there. I don't know. But then afterwards it's well, this is just what the rules are and if that that's horrible and that's sad that that happened and here's how it goes.

Kind of thing. and what was your experience with those new tools? I mean, was it easier to deal with these quote unquote difficult types of people?

[00:14:05] Denise Wester: Terribly ugh It was such an amazing shift, it changed cause it's still today, you know, , it's just everything for me with dealing. I've been in the sales business for over 18 years. And it just changed my whole shift, you know, and I have to remind myself and now it's like the tools like, or my book, one of the tools is meditation. I find I start each day with a meditation and I end the day with a meditation. And when I got off the phone, like last week, I got off the phone with a person that was really trying to just, push through and, trying to make a confrontational call

after I got off of it, I just did another meditation to you know allow him to let go and shift that so much of picking on that negative energy that people want to push through on you. And it's not mine at that time to try and change them or analyze them, or they're not coming to me as a life coach saying, Hey, I'm trying to worked through this. I am at this point, just trying to in a work situation, not like a say, be in a reaction mode and taking it upon myself because you know I could set, the tools I've put together in my book I put together because they've really helped me deal busting through the different situations that pivots in my life, but also helped me keep focused on what's going to make my day in my life and much better in, on track for my happiness.

[00:15:30] Damaged Parents: And with the tool of meditation when you started using that how did you get there actually? How did you, how did you figure out meditation and how did you figure out twice a day? And then how did you learn to use it at different points if, there was conflict or struggle?

[00:15:48] Denise Wester: Meditation became part of my life. since I started doing yoga way back. I dunno how long ago I started doing yoga, that was in my late twenties. and uh, I started doing yoga and the meditation part of it. I just found to be so powerful doing Shavasana at the end of, you know, a practice. And so I just started buying books with meditations in it and practicing that Firstly, it worked really helpful when I was going through all the pain with my car accident and just tuning into where the pain was and relaxing the body.

When I would have the episodes and meditation just became such a powerful tool in through all of the pain and so then again, I became a yoga instructor here, five years ago. And so then I really know yoga instructor, I wanted to use that tool that was so powerful for me and my practice in teaching. so in the day I always, I use an app, a meditation app because now, there's, it's a great tool to have and they're still free.. And I highly recommend that whatever you're needing that day, you could put that word in there. For me, it's like monkey mind. I struggle with my brain going 500 miles an hour and that's the monkey mind. And so I can just put monkey in there and it's like, here's the meditation to help me get back into.

Controlling off those thoughts going full 500 miles an hour or calming them down and getting back to the back into my body. It's such a valuable tool. I think for multiple reasons like to play. Everybody's like me, we're all got, are going so many directions, these days and another reason is we got so many distractions. And so many reasons to the are very, everybody's very tense and anxious and rest and meditation will help me with all of those. It gets your mind, refocus, it relaxes your body that's, which is good for your health. And gives you clarity. When I was writing with my book Busting Through it gave me such clarity I would meditate first in the morning.

And then I would go and write and write and write and write and write. Cause I would just get some clarity on a sentence maybe I was struggling with on how to, do some to get class my point I was trying to make and I would meditate and I would just get such clarity. So very, very very powerful for me.

[00:18:09] Damaged Parents: And so at first with the meditation, and you said you learned it in yoga, but when you started using it after the car accident and with pain, what did you notice? I mean, was it hard at first because of the pain?

[00:18:22] Denise Wester: When you've got things going on you're by that much pain. Yeah. I mean, especially when I was having episodes where I was just like, I couldn't even move cause I was just, the pain was shooting up. So it's really, really hard to do the mind over body situation, very, very hard, but then you just keep, going at it, you know, and keep doing your practice daily and doing different different kinds of meditation.

That, there's the chakras where it's the energy centers. And I really found those powerful tools to really the focus on the different energy centers, where I was feeling the pain?

And it just gave me some clarity and able to relax because when you're in pain, you're tense and so then it can cause other tension to happen, you know, and like, say if you know, my back was hurting, I was really tense. It would bring tension to the rest of the body and another thing to start hurting them. And so It's. just a great way Just focusing on what your body is asking for and what your body is needing. It's hard at first

it's hard at first. And that's why I talk about in my book, don't think to start meditating that you're going to have to, you know, be sitting cross-legged, blocking out hours of time. I just want people to start getting still for a moment with your thoughts. Just put on a song that you liked that relaxes you.

Just sit there, let your body be where it wants to be. And this is the start. And just give yourself close your eyes for three minutes, have everything's turned off, but except certain, if you want, I like to have a background music. I do sometimes, do a silent one, I think.

Okay. I've had a lot of noise all that day I will have nothing on. But just listen to what you're needing that day, that moment, and just allow yourself to be still and so awesome. And a lot of people find this very helpful with interesting there's different forms. You know, some people find walking meditation and that's awesome, you know, taking a walk outside and some people find taking a shower meditating.

I was just listening to a YouTube video about Elon Musk and one of his things is taking a shower. He finds that time, very meditative for him and time for clarity. So, you know, don't think of it as sending cross-legged and just, taking it and going Ohm, think about your life and what resonates with you that gives you that time to get restored and clarity and rejuvenated from just a little bit of doing something different, you know?

And that's why sometimes at bedtime, a lot of people who go to bed, you turn off the lights and all of a sudden, you know, your mind's going, I know I have this situation. That's why two things for that is one thing is journaling. I journaled before bed. I just do a data dump of everything in my brain. Can I turn out the lights?

And then I do a meditation before bed. So that gives me a way to release the day and then relax my body and peace Before going to sleep and I find it beautifully relaxing and rejuvenating.

[00:21:13] Damaged Parents: right. And it really sounds like the way you're talking about meditation is learning to listen to the body and listen to what's happening and not necessarily get caught up in the thoughts sounds like you're saying kind of empty the mind a little bit and just be. And that's like the start.

Like it's not, it doesn't have to be perfect. You don't have to be, in a chair, in a specific position or on the floor and a specific there's nothing that needs to be perfect. It's just about listening to what's happening inside of you.

[00:21:45] Denise Wester: I think everybody gets so hung up and thinking, well, I have to you know allow this time and it's sometimes really, really hard, but it's a practice. I call it as a meditation practice. And especially if you are like me, I've got millions of thoughts going through my head and, and, can be hard, but that's giving yourself being patient and the tool you'll find that it will start unfolding some great, great clarity and great realization and benefits. You know, I know some of the, you know, yoga guru will probably be like, you know oh no, you need to have instance burning. You need to have bells going. You need to have this going and you know, You can work up to that. If that starts resonating with you.

If you want to have you know, an alter in a place if that brings joy to you, if that puts you into that state, go for it. You know, but I'm coming from a place like let's everybody finds what their body is asking for. It's just like you said, what your body is, needing and, find your journey and what works for you. And it is okay.

And share it with others. Yeah. And, it's so beautiful. I just don't want anybody to feel the this structure has to be this big thing you know, don't make this big thing.

[00:23:02] Damaged Parents: Yeah. And I love that what I'm really getting from you. And I think it's beautiful is what works for me may not work for you and what works for you may not work for me. And that's okay.

[00:23:13] Denise Wester: Right,

[00:23:14] Damaged Parents: We're not the same person. it doesn't have to.

[00:23:17] Denise Wester: Right. And that's why I made a journaling workbook and I have stories in each chapter. You'll know why this method is a tool for me, but with, at the end of each chapter, I put some journaling prompts in it. Cause I want them like, okay, how can you implement this in your life?

What is it what's going on in your life that you may be? I didn't want to be caught up in my story. I want it to be easy to reading for you to read an asking the questions so that you can discover what is it around this that you are needing and how can I you, the reader implement this in your

life, or what is going on in your life around this that can help you, you know, like I talked earlier about the kindness chapter, you know, to be kind. And so my journaling prompt in the back chapter, Okay.

You know, Your next time you're in a conversation with somebody at a party or at work and that sort of thing. And you notice them pushing through where their ego instead of stop and pushing through with yours. How can you just listen? And how does that feel to do that? How does that feel to be kind instead of be right. And so just going through and analyzing their feelings around the situation. And it doesn't mean that you, you know, at work that time, but it's kind of giving you eyes on the situation

finding what's going on inside doors, around that kind of topic.

[00:24:41] Damaged Parents: Right. And I think too, the first time a person tries that I know for me that the first time I tried

listening it was, really awkward first of all, and it was like, oh, why am I not? You know, like, Because I knew what my values were. that then getting into a situation where someone else absolutely needed to be right. And it wasn't what my beliefs were. It was really hard not to push back at first. And it almost felt like I was doing everyone a disservice by not making my opinion heard, but you know, so I just want to point out it, does feel awkward at first to, to do some of these things.

And I think that might be okay. Maybe that's a new, a new step. if you want real change, you've got to be willing to be awkward. Like I think Brene and Brene Brown says.

[00:25:34] Denise Wester: and It's also a time to, I think, in specific from that type of situation it's shifting to. I know for me, as a life coach, when I'm looking to a conversation with somebody and they're talking about how they, have to go sit down or they do this, isn't working out. This is not a time for me to fix somebody. This is the time to listen to find, and then if I want to, you know, then I'll ask them, you know, do want my insights on this and you know, you ask somebody, I think in any conversation needs to, before you come through with your opinion, It's like, you should ask them, would you like my insight on there? And sometimes the people say, no, that's okay. Or yeah I would love it. So I think it's always, anytime a conversation, some people just need to talk and sometimes they really are searching for some insights. So I think before you give it and you should ask permission,

[00:26:28] Damaged Parents: Yeah. So it sounds like what I'm really hearing you say is, allowing room for others to say no to your own opinion.

[00:26:35] Denise Wester: Yes. And even in your own life, I have that in a chapter. Yes. A great lead in for the other chapter, it's saying yes to yourself. It sometimes means saying no.

So saying no to, those people that are always, maybe offering their opinion to you and you can say I'm sorry, I'm going to work through this myself.

if I, need your opinion on this right now, if I need your help, I appreciate you being there for me, but right now I want to work through this. So sometimes setting boundaries are so important. you know, I know people that you know, will volunteer to, give you money. They will give the shirt off their back.

They will, you know, donate whatever time they have when they're not working. so that's so important to say, for that person who is a yes person to start learning to say no, because now they're saying no, actually to their family.

If you have given your time, your money other things to other people so much that you're depriving your families of your time, maybe that was money that they were needing for something that, you know, some some clothes for the kids or some other plan or vacation for the family. But you're such a giving person that you just say yes to everybody, but it gets to be kind of crowding into your life. So learning that boundary can be a really hard one to start saying no, when you're a yes person. So start being aware.

[00:27:52] Damaged Parents: Right. And I love that, that you're really talking about being aware of what you're saying yes to, and I think the other thing I'm hearing is you, it's helpful to understand the values that you operate from To determine is my time better spent helping these people over here? Or is it helpful to me to spend it with my family?

[00:28:12] Denise Wester: And it's really important to, and I, like I say, I can give and volunteer. I have that written about that in my book to giving and volunteering is so important that person talk with your family, talk with your spouse about, okay. You know, Volunteering and giving is really important to my soul how can we put this, you know, okay, once a month, I will work at a church or I will volunteer at the local food bank, or I want to do something. Make it and agreed between your family and what you're going to do. Or, you know, we have this much money I want to use for this kind of a charity this way important to me.

So you have, an agreement on this between your family, because you're affecting others if we don't do that. So it's always really important to have those conversations. This is something that feeds my soul but then you have to set a boundary on it, set some rules around it to make it so that it's not a toxic situation in your life, but something that you're actually striving to do and being a giver.

[00:29:07] Damaged Parents: Hmm. Gosh, you've got so much wisdom. Like I'm just sitting there thinking, wow. I hadn't thought about that, that way. And, from just that simple perspective and making sure that the people that I love in my life know how important this is because sometimes I think what happens is, Even in our culture, I don't think it's just me, but that, that it's like this either or either I'm a great at doing service or I'm great at doing family, but it can't be both. And I think that, even in this conversation, it absolutely can be both.

[00:29:44] Denise Wester: Yeah.

Yeah. Giving is so important. Yeah.

[00:29:47] Damaged Parents: Yeah. But it takes that conversation. You were talking about.

[00:29:49] Denise Wester: Yup. Yup. And that's taking a moment to just being honest and that you know about. okay. This is what I need and I think it's very, very, very important And there's lots of different ways of giving. There's giving a compliment giving of your time being present in a conversation And then of course there's some monetary, if you have the money to do that, but there's, if you don't have the money to give, oh, I can't. okay. So next time you're in a conversation with something, be totally present with them. Don't be looking at your phone. Don't be looking around, don't be thinking about your lists.

Don't be thinking where you have to be next, be present to what they're listening to. Okay. So there's being present in conversations. There's the, you know, giving a complement, acknowledging their wins. Say you know, I just heard you got a job promotion good for you. That must have taken a lot. That was quite a journey. Good for you giving a compliment. So there's different ways of giving and it's so important because it takes you out of what's going on in your body, in your head, that moment and helping refocus towards what's going on in life, around you and connecting with other people. And that connection is so important.

They can give you a shift and perspective on whatever's going on with you that can give you a new eyes and light too. So it's so important.

[00:31:02] Damaged Parents: I agree. And I'm just even thinking on all of those things you were talking about, those would be great things to meditate on. Is this what's right for me,

[00:31:11] Denise Wester: Exactly.

[00:31:13] Damaged Parents: You know, and being curious about it, be curious, what is it that your soul wants maybe, oh, that's beautiful.

[00:31:20] Denise Wester: being curious is so important. I talk about that in my book. If you like, we planned this or something like that, but curiosity is I talk about that in the chapter about finding your purpose and your passion. It's so many people think that, okay, I have to know what I want to do in life.

I have to know, I go to conferences for my kids and they're like, she doesn't know what she wants to do. And I'm like, I still don't know what I wanna do. I just live life curiously. Some people are gifted with, I know I want to be a doctor I know I want to be a vet. I know this is what I want to do.

I want to be a lawyer. I think that is amazing. but there's so many people that don't know right off the bat, what they want to do with life and that is you should enjoy being curious. Things come your way. And you're like my friends, how I started writing with my friends. She and I loved doing wine tasting.

You were learning wine and going to the amazing wineries here in Washington state. Just discovering and learning and just like let's start writing a blog and I'm going oohh I don't write I'm terrible. I think I failed grammar in school, you know, and, she's like, no, let's do it. And I go, okay. I just said, yes, I just dive in and said, yes, even though I didn't need, didn't have a clue how to go about it. And I discovered through that, that I was passionate about the creative process And so then I wrote a children's book, The Adventures of the Dust Bunny, and that kind of got me into self publishing. And then when this idea came up, I got this spiritual inspirations, like I'm going to write all these methods down and publish this book.

And I had exercise of creative muscle and I did it. And that was all out of the same. Yes my curiosity. Yes to like this little idea, my head little inspiration saying yes to that voice and minding this tool that I didn't realize how the writing, how it just set my soul creativity. And so I find it interesting for people, to start saying yes to curiosity, you know, I taken taken Qi Gong. I have walked on fire. I have belly dance. I've done multiple different, jobs in different industries. And it's all from saying, yes, I'm going to dive in and be curious and, see where this goes. And I think, people need to be able to say, Hey, you know, it's okay to say yes to curiosity, find that voice in and listen to that voice. That is I really want to do this, but you know, I can't write, or I can't do this. I can't come in. just start, start where you want to start and just start learning along the way.

Like with my book, I grew up with the the formatting and the, you know, the artwork and that sort of thing. I had a visual I want, so I just hired nowadays. There's so many tools out there to hire the people. That can do that kind of thing. So I hired it and that took that off of me, but then I, was able to keep going forward with my goal of writing the book. And so yeah.

it's the start being curious and saying yes to what you know, that little voice in you and wanting to try something. And you never know where it's gonna

[00:34:19] Damaged Parents: Yeah. And I love that. What a great time to asked you what your top three are, what are the top three, if somebody's in a position right now where they're struggling and, they need to bust through what would be the first three that you would say, do this? Or try this, maybe, maybe not do this. Maybe try this.

[00:34:39] Denise Wester: Yeah. Well, just take action. Take action. First on just getting my book or getting a piece of paper. And start journaling. And I want to, it gives you such clarity and like I say, in my book, a lot of people, like I don't journal. That means you really should. If you've got some things that you really got some blocks on, some stories in there, those stories are what are holding you back.

And those stories are keeping you paralyzed and you just start writing anything that's coming to your brain and there's no rule for journaling. There's no journaling police. But you will start just unloading data, dump everything in your brain, and you're going to get such clarity. You're going to see this.

If you read it back and going, oh my God, I didn't even know that this was inside of me and it's such a relief and it's a conversation you're having with yourself. So, that's the most important thing. And I could go on for hours. It's about talking about journaling, but so that would be one of my first things to do is to journal and then I have, the second thing is affirmation because once you're journaling that out data dumping and more, getting, all these things out, you need to reprogram those negative stories. So you need to reprogram those thoughts and affirmations helped me do that when you wake up in the morning and you're like, Ugh, I hate my job. I have to battle traffic. Gosh, I don't know whatever's coming up if those things are coming into your mind immediately be aware and just think of something else. It's like, I love the paycheck I get from my job. And the

traffic gives me time to have some time with myself where maybe I can listen to a podcast or something to help feed soul or, when I go to work, it makes me feel like I'm contributing towards my family. So shifting those, all those negatives with affirmations, every time you catch yourself with a negative thing about yourself, you turn around and. You are powerful. I am loved. I am wrong. Get those negative thoughts. Shift them in those stories. Every time they come along, anything you've got to stop yourself. And then find a affirmation, to turn that around and really think I'm powerful and get your emotion. I call it supercharging the affirmation. I want you, when you say an affirmation, just feel it in your heart. I want you to say it out loud.

So you hear it. And then I want you to paint a picture. I am powerful. Paint a picture in your mind. Take a visualization of you being powerful. Or sometime in your life, when you felt powerful and remember that feeling and do it. And I've talked to so many, but meditation, as I talked about and being present kind of the same thing, I'm going to put those two together in that the meditation, as I talked about spend that time to really shut out the noise of the busy world and detaching yourself from all the busy-ness of the day for just a few seconds, every single day to really ground yourself and get clarity

[00:37:34] Damaged Parents: Wow such great tips and tools. Thank you so much, Denise. I highly recommend checking out her book Busting Through. You can also find her on the web at https://DeniseWester.com and on Instagram. @DeniseRWester, let me just spell that. It's D as in dog, E N I S E R W E S T E R. And that's for Instagram. Thank you so much for coming on the show today, Denise.

[00:38:06] Denise Wester: It's been a great conversation with you. I Thank you. so much.

[00:38:10] Damaged Parents: Thank you.

 Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We have really enjoyed talking to Denise about how she learned to Bust Through we especially liked when she spoke about finding her passion to unite with other damaged people connect with us on facebook look for damaged parents We'll be here next week still relatively damaged see you then