S2E30: From Panic and Depression to Peace
Carly is the one of the founders of Revival Society. Carly struggled with her own debilitating anxiety and depression for years. She has always had a love for the next generation, it was always her mission to be the best Kindergarten teacher. One week in to getting her dream job, her world crashed. She had 100 panic attacks in the first week of teaching forcing her to resign. It felt like her dream was over. She would have no idea what would happen next. God had other plans. Revival Society was created by her mother and her 2 daughters (Carly and Danielle) to empower the next generation by starting with the mom first. It’s never too early, nor too late to prepare for motherhood. This method not only changed her family's life, it saved their lives. Carly is now on a mission to create lasting change for the next generation through a heart-led method that an individual will have for life.
instagram.com/carlyeblack
Instagram.com/wearerevivalsociety
https://www.linkedin.com/in/carlyeblack/
Podcast Transcript
[00:00:00] Damaged Parents: Welcome back to the Relatively Damaged podcast by Damaged Parents were anxious, loving, heartfelt people come to learn. Maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged. Someone once told me it's safe to assume 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way. I would venture to say it's closer to 100%.
Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than. Like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about. In my ongoing investigation of the damaged self, I want to better understand how others view their own challenges.
Maybe it's not so much about the damage, maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it. There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience? My hero is the damaged person. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side, whole.
Those who stare directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover their purpose. These are the people who inspire me. To be more fully me. Not in spite of my trials, but because of them. Let's hear from another hero.
Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advice. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them.
Today, we're going to talk with Carly Black. She has many roles in her life. Daughter, wife, mother, sister, partner, and more. We'll talk about how she dreamt of being a teacher and then when it came down to it found herself panicking and depressed let's hear how she found health and healing let's talk
Welcome back to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. Today, we have Carly Black with us. She is one of the founders of revivals society. Carly struggled with her own debilitating anxiety and depression for years, she has always had a love for the next generation. It was always her mission to be the best kindergarten teacher.
However, one week in getting into her dream job. Her world crashed. She had 100 panic attacks in the first week of teaching, forcing her to resign. It felt like her dream job was over. She would have no idea what would happen next God had other plans. Revival society was created by her mother. And her sister and herself to empower the next generation by starting with the mom.
First, it's never too early, nor too late to prepare for motherhood. This method not only changed their family's life. It saved their lives. Carly's now on a mission to create lasting change for the next generation through a heart led method that any individual will be able to have for life. You can find their website, https://revivalsociety.com, and you can find Carly on Instagram @CarlyEBlack.
Carly. Welcome to the show.
[00:03:31] Carly Black: Thank you so much for having me.
[00:03:33] Damaged Parents: Yeah. Yeah. So our listeners don't know this is a surprise interview, but I'm going to spill the beans.
So we Carly and I talked for just a few minutes before we started the recording and she told me one thing that I just thought was really beautiful. She's like, I'm just going to come from the heart. What does coming from the heart mean to you Carly
[00:03:59] Carly Black: oh, my goodness. Really? It's just, what am I feeling at that time? What's coming to me. What do other people need to hear? Right now that is going to add value to their lives.
[00:04:14] Damaged Parents: wow. That's fantastic. You were, had, you had panic attacks and now I'm going to move into the struggle. I did not shift that plainly, but that's
[00:04:22] Carly Black: Absolutely.
[00:04:23] Damaged Parents: Like you had panic attacks before the job.
[00:04:26] Carly Black: So that is the crazy story. So about seven years ago, that is when the panic attacks started. So I grew up with debilitating anxiety and depression, but I was able to push through, but it started when I was about five years old. When Danielle, my sister was born, I took it upon myself. That I had to be the one to get attention.
And I said I had to be perfect. And so that's an, everything started. So I had always. Had that anxiety had that depression, but was able to push through. But when you keep pushing through and you don't work on it, it shows up even stronger later. So what happened was, I almost think of it kind of like about keynote.
I was able to push it down and suppress it for so long that about seven years ago. Everything exploded. And I was going to be that kindergarten teacher. I was going to be in that classroom, helping those children and really focusing on that character education piece. And what happened was I got into the classroom.
And I had those a hundred panic attacks because now we know it goes back to when I went into my own classroom when I was in kindergarten, when I was five years old. And so my body doesn't forget, it holds on to everything. And so I was rushed to the ER and I talked to many, many different professionals and I had to resign. It wasn't fair to those kids. I went in to being a kindergarten teacher to be able to help the next generation, if I'm not going to be there. I don't know when I'm going to be back. That's not fair to those kids. So I had to resign and that's when everything went haywire.
[00:06:21] Damaged Parents: well, what do you mean by, haywire I'm going to go with that? There was another question, but
[00:06:25] Carly Black: Absolutely.
[00:06:26] Damaged Parents: really want to know what haywire means.
[00:06:28] Carly Black: Oh, my gosh. Well, , I was put on, you know, different medications, all these different things and the medication didn't, this medication did not work for me. And it actually made my stomach hurt so bad that I was rushed in for an endoscopy emergency endoscopy. We thought that I might have like stomach cancer or something.
It was so bad. So what happened was I was this 25 year old. Right. And I was newly married, six months in, and I didn't want anything to do with my husband, Jordan. I would wake up in the morning and have these panic attacks and I would be rushed over to my parents' house. And I practically was like a kid again. I literally would be there from like 7:00 AM to like 9:00 PM at night, because I went back into Carly as a little girl and everything just spiraled. it wasn't getting taken care of. I was going into the psychologist like three times a week, going to biofeedback, neurofeedback , you name it. I was doing it and it wasn't working for me.
And I was trying everything that everyone was suggesting to me. And what happened was I lost it. I went into this depression, the anxiety got so bad. I went into this depression. I couldn't eat it. Took me 20 minutes. So eat one bite of my sandwich. And I went into this depression that I was like, I don't want to be here anymore.
And I said that one day and I didn't really mean it. Okay. Like I would pull, the covers over my head. I would grab my keys, all that stuff. But I know now that was just me wanting attention. But one day I said, I don't, I don't feel safe here to want my psychologist. And he goes, you need to go check yourself into the psych ward or I'm checking you in.
So I had to check myself into the psych ward and I was not there even 24 hours because I checked myself in. They realized that, wow.
she's actually not supposed to be here, but I had an epiphany when I was there. I remember they put me on the geriatric floor and this guy looks at me and he's like. What are you doing here?
Beep you don't belong here. And I just, everything started going. I'm like, what am I doing? What am I doing with my life? And then from there, everything started to change.
[00:09:03] Damaged Parents: Now a question when you did that and you were on this journey trend, the different medications go into the hospital, things like that. Where are you looking for? Like an easy fix.
[00:09:13] Carly Black: You know, What's crazy. I was actually living more in poor me, poor me, like victim hut. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for change. So I loved being cuddled. I loved having the attention. And so I tried things, but in my heart, I wasn't ready. And so that's when I fell. Cause things started. Building, Right.
Yeah.
[00:09:40] Damaged Parents: so what did it take for you to get ready?
[00:09:43] Carly Black: Three other times of falling. And my husband telling me, I don't want to be with you after we had an eight month old. And during that time I was using the method and it was being curated. Right. Like, everything is always ever changing, but it wasn't until he said to me, I'm taking your child and you're not going to have him.
Like you don't deserve custody. And that's when I was like, oh my gosh, what am I doing?
[00:10:19] Damaged Parents: So did that just break your heart open?
[00:10:21] Carly Black: Of course. I mean, this man had been with me, right? Like he had been through with what I had been through and he was still with me and I had fallen again and he's like, I can't do this. I can't live like this. And it broke my heart. I was. I've got to figure this out. And so during all that, just so you have a little backstory when I was in the psych ward, I got out.
Right. But I had to promise my husband and my dad that I would go to outpatient. So I went to outpatient and don't get me wrong. Like they were great, but I am a teacher by heart. So I was like, no, I can do this. I can teach these skills to people. So that's when. The business started. So actually it started as organized life and helping people with organizing their mind and making sure that they feel so confident with, everything around them, because it all connects.
Then it went into rivulet, which means a steady stream of water. And I was like, I got to teach this to kids. So we started with kids and my mother was actually doing. The adults and I was doing the kids and we realized we're like, something's not working. Why are the kids not changing? So what we realized over that time was wait, oh my gosh.
It starts with the mom. If the mom is not calm, even if she says she's fine, but she has not worked through her own suppressed memories. The child will pick up on it. And so that's when everything started happening. So Danielle actually saved my life one of the times, right? With her meditation. That is part of our method.
Now she saved my life with that meditation to be able to help me get back into my body and realize, wait, Carly, this is not who you are.
[00:12:25] Damaged Parents: So in some ways where you running from the heart, I don't know if that makes sense
[00:12:31] Carly Black: Yeah. Are you saying, are you saying running from the heart, meaning like going with what felt right with my soul or elaborate a little.
[00:12:40] Damaged Parents: I think it's really easy , to not make decisions from the depth of the heart and. Maybe in growing up that it becomes really easy to put a protective shell over it. So then my thought process is, is that decisions then are more coming from the head. This is what I need to do. This is what I should do.
This is, you know, X, Y that very egoic behaviors instead of. Listening to the heart because sometimes the heart makes decisions. I think that we don't like or are very confusing, if that makes sense.
[00:13:20] Carly Black: Yeah, for sure. And you know, it's crazy because growing up, it was always going through the head. Like everything was in my head. That's why the anxiety was happening. Like it would never come down. And with this method, I'm able to go with the heart. I'm able to get in to my body. And feel into my body and the physical reactions that are coming up to be able to be like, wait, that's my truth.
That's what I need to do.
And so, yes, I've been able to Now get into and come from the heart to be able to make those decisions.
[00:14:01] Damaged Parents: Now how hard was that at first?
[00:14:05] Carly Black: I mean, it was hard. It was really hard because I was always someone that had my thoughts. They were going all the time. Right. And I had to learn a new way to be able to listen to myself. like growing up. I didn't trust myself. I didn't listen to myself. And in order for this method to work, you have to be willing to trust yourself.
You have to be willing to listen to what's coming up to what your body is saying.
[00:14:36] Damaged Parents: Now I'm thinking that maybe there was this figurative, tentative toe that you put in to start listening. Right track there. And if so, what did that look like for you? I don't know that you went right to okay. my heart is, totally open.
[00:14:55] Carly Black: Yeah. So actually it was, it's funny because. Right growing up, I actually had walls. Like people say, oh, they're boundaries. No, I had walls. I did not let a lot of people in. I don't even know how I let my husband in for him to marry me, but something let him in. I was very protective. Sure I surrounded myself with, because I was bullied.
I was bullied really bad. And so yes, I put up that wall, but as you do the method and you release those triggers and those suppressed memories and those things that you don't even know, you're holding onto. Then you're able to show up as who you actually are and so that's when I remember specifically my mother and I, we were out of town for a conference and she was working with me, through the method.
And I remember seeing the bulldozer just Like, bulldozing the wall and everything just fell down. So cool.
[00:16:08] Damaged Parents: so like you're visualizing that this bulldozer is coming in, knocking over this wall and you're saying it is so cool. And I'm thinking some people are probably out there going, oh, hell no.
[00:16:20] Carly Black: Yeah, absolutely. And that's the thing, that's why I had to keep falling. Right. So that was part of the first time of falling. I didn't learn my lesson. I kept falling. Right. Like I kept the pattern. It's still there. So even though we do things like we talk about it, we say the affirmations, we read the books, we even get surgery.
The energy is still there. And that's what is so important for people to understand. The energy is still there. That's why right. Chronic pain happens. Disease happens. All those things are happening. And it's So important to realize that this method is able to get rid of that energy. So you're able to feel so Calm and at ease. In your life, but you're able to start fresh.
[00:17:18] Damaged Parents: So is there like this underlying sense of ease then?
[00:17:24] Carly Black: Absolutely. Yeah.
I mean, it's crazy. Like I was so codependent. On my mother and now I am in another state. I'm in Colorado. Now she is back and forth from Arizona and St. Louis and I wouldn't be able to do it without the method. I wouldn't be able to respond to situations that my children are going through and make those decisions. In that moment without this method, I wouldn't be able even to, during pregnancy labor delivery, to be able to bring those calm babies into the world without this method. Because even though we might say, oh, I'm calm, I'm calm. I feel calm. Our body is not.
[00:18:13] Damaged Parents: Hmm,
[00:18:14] Carly Black: And so it gives you the sense of ease that you can be present with anything.
[00:18:20] Damaged Parents: just real quick. Did you stay with Jordan?
[00:18:24] Carly Black: Yes. We're happily married. He's incredible. And yes, every time I'm just like, oh my gosh, what? Like, why can't you stay with me?
It's like,
they always saw it. I always knew who you are.
[00:18:39] Damaged Parents: but so with him saying, Hey, I can't do this anymore. Was that, it sounds like that was almost needed to happen.
[00:18:47] Carly Black: it had to,
I
Mean, it had to wake me up. That was my last straw, you know, and if it didn't happen, I don't know what would have happened.
[00:18:56] Damaged Parents: what you're saying is really beautiful because it's making me think of a statement I've heard about alcoholics, , don't take away their last beer. I'm thinking for you. It was, you know, , if he wouldn't have said that it would have been, don't take away my breakthrough.
[00:19:09] Carly Black: I love that. That's amazing. Yes, that's so true. the thing is like, I look at what I went through as such a blessing. I have been able to be there to bring hope, to bring awareness, to bring change to so many people's lives, to so many families if I didn't go through this, where would they be?
And it's really near and dear to me, because there is so many people out there , you know, suicide is just so. prominent right now.
[00:19:39] Damaged Parents: yeah. it is, but right here, I'm going to put in if you are having suicidal thoughts, please text 7 4 1 7 4 1, and ask for help. But please go on. I just wanted to make sure I didn't forget to put that in there.
[00:19:53] Carly Black: Oh Yeah.
that's totally fine. But yeah. And now with the world we're living in. And these things that now high schoolers, I I've been told now that's the new peer pressure. I mean, it is, this is not just a business to me. And I want like the listeners to know, like, this is changing lives, saving lives.
There's so many people that. We're supposed to come to us and talk to us and they're no longer here and it breaks my heart and you can't force anyone to do anything, but the more that we can get this message out there, the more that people can know that is not who you are. I mean, I've been there.
[00:20:37] Damaged Parents: Yeah.
[00:20:38] Carly Black: That is not who you are. And this toxic positivity right now is actually hurting people more.
[00:20:46] Damaged Parents: Yeah, I think I agree with you on that because I, wonder in, this stay positive, in the workforce or, you know, oh, you're resilient and because you're resilient, it still doesn't really leave room for the true struggles.
I also can't help. But think when, and if someone has a panic attack at work, that an employer is not going to be thinking, oh my gosh, I'm not going to get this done.
And this done and this done. And now I'm feeling like, I'm dropped because this person is struggling. and then how learning to shift that, you know what I mean? Like, I think that's super hard.
[00:21:20] Carly Black: Yeah. And absolutely. And the thing is, we always say, it's not negative, it's your truth. If it's coming up, that's how you feel. And it's okay. It's not okay if you sit there forever and it, ruins your life,
you have to be able to move past it in some kind of way. But if you can't be able to feel those emotions, you're just suppressing it even more and that's what's happening.
That's what's happening in our world.
And it also, it really hurts. It really hurts me to hear. With parenthood, motherhood, people say things like, Oh, they're just being a brat or this or that, or things like that. No, these kids are trying to show you something. They're trying to tell you something.
[00:22:12] Damaged Parents: Oh, my gosh. You're just in the way you're talking. This reminded me of my children have taught me so much about who I am, but I had to be willing to listen and see, listen, first.
[00:22:24] Carly Black: Absolutely you have to. And I think it's hard for us as right moms to really look at ourselves. But we're the problem. , when our kids are acting out, when our kids are not listening, when our kids are doing things, look at the mom. And I say that in the most loving way, but it starts with us. We can't blame our things on our children and we're all right.
All the triggers that come up with the kids and everything like that. Cause we're ready to heal.
[00:23:00] Damaged Parents: Yeah. If my kids say something to me, I, I'd like to say every time I know that is not true. I had to stop and take a look, but, and then again, I know that's not true. Like, I would love to say that. And I think that's pretty, pretty normal. So what about struggles now, now that you have this access to the heart, what happens when something comes up or that gets triggered?
Whether it's by the children or life happens? Give us an example, of what happens inside of you.
[00:23:31] Carly Black: Absolutely. I feel things. So I feel like a tightening in my throat or a pit in my stomach, or anything in your body, those physical reactions. So if something happens, then I know that something isn't right. Something needs to be worked through. Now as a mom, we feel our children's energy we are able to access our energy.
Actually we say it's almost like a two in one method, because not only are you able to release your suppressed memories, it also works to be able to use it for the children. So I'll just give you an example. Let's say my boys woke up late and we're rushing to school. Most families would be very, very flustered.
Right. I gotta go. I gotta go. I gotta go in that moment. The reason why the method is called moment to moment you stop, you use the method in that moment. To get back to the present and to be able to make those decisions. But if you don't have that, then you're going to have that overwhelm. You're going to have the screaming
you're going to have all that. And I'm not painting a pretty picture. I'm not saying everything is perfect, but I know how to make sure. That I am the best mom. I am the best wife. I am there in the best way. And if my kids are off, I always look at myself. I always do. And the thing is, I even use the method for when
cameron is five years old when he goes to bed at night. We talk about, what do you want to release from the day? What do you not want to have in your body? You know, And I've been talking to him about this so much, then now, like, he'll be like, mommy, I'm having, I had a nightmare. Like, can you please release it?
Or like, it's become part of our world. And it's made him be able. To show up as who he is. I'll just give you an another example. We moved. So we moved about 10 months ago, to St. Louis Colorado and Cameron was picking in his hair. He was picking out a skin. He was itching. He was picking. And I tried to do what everyone said. I tried to do the fidgets. I tried to do role-play. I tried to do those things, especially as right an educator. I tried to do all of it and it wasn't working. And what I realize now after using the method is that, wait, that was a restless energy. He was so anxious about moving.
And I mean, it was almost like he was just ripped away from his life and now he's able to be calm in his body. And if I see restlessness or see picking or I see anything like that, then I know exactly what to do in that moment.
[00:26:44] Damaged Parents: So it's not about making the picking or the restlessness wrong. it's about addressing it in that moment then. Right?
[00:26:53] Carly Black: Absolutely. Absolutely. And that's what the method does and that's why we say it's never too early, nor too late to prepare for motherhood never even if a child is out of the house,
[00:27:09] Damaged Parents: yeah.
[00:27:10] Carly Black: is remarkable what this method can do. And it's for a certain person, right? It's for a certain person that can't read the books, go to therapy.
Go to the specialist, do those things. Like they're getting some results, but they haven't been able to get those results in the way that changes their whole life. That makes them have ease. I mean, I will say my life is very ease full.
[00:27:42] Damaged Parents: Yeah.
[00:27:42] Carly Black: And you had to put the work in right.
[00:27:45] Damaged Parents: Yeah.
[00:27:45] Carly Black: But it doesn't have to be painful.
Motherhood. Doesn't have to feel painful. You can have this at any moment.
[00:27:55] Damaged Parents: Yeah, it doesn't have to be a struggle. I think when I stopped struggling against. What the children were teaching me or mirroring back to me, it became a lot easier to be a parent. So I think you guys are on the right track, but I also wanted to a friend of mine had posted something, it was an article about how.
Some of the children's cells actually do stay in the mother's body. And I can't remember what it was called. It was really interesting. And I just thought it was fascinating. So when I hear you talking about this and I look at what has happened in my own life, as I look back, you know, one of my daughters even
she said, something shifted a few months ago and I'm like, yup. It did, you know, like, so it was really interesting to hear you talking about it from this perspective. I mean, it's just really, I think we're all so much more connected than we even can admit at this point. It, most of us can admit, I think, and at this point in history,
[00:28:58] Carly Black: absolutely. Yeah, And we, and what we say is kind of. You have the doctors, the specialists, right. Then you have some people have like the energy healers, right? We all we say we're in the middle. So someone's trying to find different answers we're over there. So we bring a little of right. A little of the, the woo, I guess you could
[00:29:22] Damaged Parents: Yeah, the woo woo
[00:29:24] Carly Black: the energy. But then we also have That structure rigid this to it, to make sure that it's something that can be used, right. Like can be used on a daily. That right. Is,
[00:29:39] Damaged Parents: That is a
path like a path. Here's your paths.
we need the path. Just on so many levels. Okay. So what would be, if somebody's struggling right now, what would be the top three tips or tools that you would say, maybe try this, or they have a child that's struggling
[00:29:56] Carly Black: yeah.
Wow. So our method is very right Heart-led. So I, it's not a ton of tips. What I will say is start asking yourself what you're noticing. What are you noticing? Is your child different? You know, In a certain situation, like, did something happen just really start having an awareness and that we'll be able to start kind of right.
Moving things, but also I'm always here. If someone wants to reach out and just ask me a question, or they might have a child that's a little older that might need like some support and some hope like I'm here, I've been there. And so I want to be there for them and I want to make sure if it's not us, that's their solution.
I connect with people all the time. So I'll be able to recommend something else to them that they could be able to use to be able to right, get their solution,
[00:31:04] Damaged Parents: Yeah.
[00:31:05] Carly Black: because it all goes back to being able to make that impact in the world. And how are we going to make our impact in the world? If we're not living how we're actually who we're actually who we actually are.
Right?
[00:31:19] Damaged Parents: Isn't that a great question.
Thank you so much Carly for being on the show. I have a feeling we could talk forever, but our time is up. Uh, You can find Carly, you can send her a direct email at carly@revivalsociety.com. You can also find her on Instagram, @Carlyeblack and also you can find the revival society on Instagram @wearerevivalsociety.
What a great show. Thank you so much,
Carly, for being here.
[00:31:54] Carly Black: yeah, you are so welcome and thank you so much for having me.
[00:31:58] Damaged Parents: Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We've really enjoyed talking to Carly about how she found a method that helped her to heal. We especially liked when she spoke about how her mom and her sister helped her. To unite with other damaged people connect with us on youtube look for damaged parents We'll be here next week still relatively damaged see you then
