Episode 58: In the World, Not of the World
Dr. Fred Blum
Doctor Fred Blum is an expert in helping people live the lives that they were made for. It doesn't matter if you're a world famous professional athlete, CEO of a billion dollar corporation or a stay at home mom. He'll help you remember that who you really are embodies a peace, freedom and happiness that is greater than any circumstance.
His background includes a variety of training and experiences that led him to this profession. He has degrees in psychology and chiropractic, studies human transformation with some amazingly brilliant people and trained in martial arts for 45 years. He is also performed in an off Broadway comedy troupe for a while. He was picked on as a child, declared bankruptcy and been divorced. You can never tell which life experiences will produce the greatest gifts unless you stay in the game.
Social media and contact information: My Facebook group, Being.Well. - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1168666850254625
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-fred-blum/
Dr. Fred Blum +1.512.584.9075 cell
Podcast Transcript:
Damaged Parents: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents where unbalanced, worldly, intellectual people come to learn maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged. Someone once told me it's safe to assume 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way. I would venture to say it's closer to 100%.
Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than. Like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about. In my ongoing investigation of the damage self, I want to better understand how others view their own challenges.
Maybe it's not so much about the damage, maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it. There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience? My hero is the damaged person. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side, whole.
Those who stared directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover their purpose. These are the people who inspire me to be more fully me. Not in spite of my trials, but because of them. Let's hear from another hero. Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advice. The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them.
Today, we're going to talk with Dr. Fred Blum. He has many roles in his life. Father, son, twin, brother, brother, and more. We'll talk about how knowing who you really are, is not a clandestine journey. What happens when life isn't found in accomplishments and how he found health and healing let's talk
Welcome to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents today. We've got Dr. Fred Bloom. Oops. I mean Blum. And he says he answers to either one. So perhaps I did even need to correct myself, but he's a fascinating man. He's got a background that includes a variety of training and experiences that led him to be part of an off-Broadway comedy troupe.
Fred Blum: [00:02:23] So true.
Damaged Parents: [00:02:24] Welcome to the show
Fred Blum: [00:02:26] Nice to be here.
Damaged Parents: [00:02:27] You like that. I got a big smile out of that.
Fred Blum: [00:02:30] I didn't know
if we were actually starting or like yeah, yeah, you did. I was like, all right. I better put my game face on, which looks a lot, like my regular face.
Damaged Parents: [00:02:42] Yeah, it really does. I didn't see a change.
Fred Blum: [00:02:45] was very subtle.
Damaged Parents: [00:02:46] Yeah. I mean, before we started, we were talking about degrees and things like that. And having the name doctor in front of your name and you prefer Fred,
Fred Blum: [00:02:58] Yes.
Damaged Parents: [00:02:58] I'm going with Fred.
Fred Blum: [00:03:00] My mom would, would agree. Yeah.
Damaged Parents: [00:03:02] Yeah. Okay. So I have some questions for you because I think, well, I know that when you had filled out the pre-interview form, you talked about your biggest struggle is trust in the natural unfolding of life. And I thought that was really neat. However, as I was reading more, I saw something that I thought was really interesting.
And that's when I read, when we don't need to find happiness in our accomplishments. Life becomes a game. Can you elaborate on the game part and what shifts to making life a game?
Fred Blum: [00:03:42] Yeah, we'll dive right in. Like we're going to go right into the deep end of the pool.
Damaged Parents: [00:03:46] That's right.
Fred Blum: [00:03:47] let me give you some context for that statement. Cause then the game thing will make a lot more sense. Okay. So in my work and I call myself a self inquiry coach, which just means that I teach people.
And everyone, I think I put that in there bio, or like from stay-at-home moms to executives and companies to some very famous professional athletes whose names you might know. I really teach them one thing primarily, which is to really wake up to what I call the true self to who they really are.
And we can get more into what that means, hopefully over the next hour or so, but essentially what it means is that you, you see that you are not this little kind of constructed identity that we've been creating since we're well, really since birth, but it really becomes more apparent around two this is why we have a name for when kids get to be around two years old, we call it the terrible twos, which I think is a really bad rap to put on kids by the way,
Damaged Parents: [00:04:47] Yeah, I call it declaring their independence.
Fred Blum: [00:04:50] Right?
Like this is like the beginning of where they begin to experience themselves as separate from you as a mom or from everything. Because as a baby, we're born into this world without a sense of separation. We don't know that we are separate from our mom. Okay. Or from anyone else. And honestly, that's a much closer representation of our natural state.
In other words, non-separation is really more of who we are,
Damaged Parents: [00:05:22] So being connected
Fred Blum: [00:05:23] connected one really. And I mean, we could get into this, as we go on , that we literally share a being with all of creation, and we can call that being consciousness or God, or love it doesn't matter.
But as a baby, we don't have any other experience, but that, which is,
I think, why we love to be around babies because , we were reminded of that in ourselves. That, and they're just cute and cuddly, but of course, so what I do is I help people. Okay. Before I get to that, like then, you get 20, 30, 40 years of building this identity of building all kinds of complexity around it.
And this is my personality and this is what I believe. And this is what I don't believe in all kinds of stuff and the insecurities. And then, all of that stuff is in here and was just a little bit of practice and a little bit of what I call self inquiry. We can begin to see that that's not who we are.
Damaged Parents: [00:06:22] Okay. So when you're talking about this, I'm thinking of how people introduce themselves. I am a doctor. I am a realtor. I am a podcaster. I am, and then identifying themselves. And it sounds like that's not really you who
Fred Blum: [00:06:41] Anything that you add after I am is going to be an addition, right?
Damaged Parents: [00:06:48] right?
Fred Blum: [00:06:48] I am a mom. I am, I mean, we could take this way deep, but I don't want to, blow people's minds in the first five minutes, but yeah, you could begin to see that though, Right.
That like anything you say I am X is an addition.
So one of the, like, and this is very well-known spiritual teaching in certain traditions that like the first place to really land in this process of what I call waking up, because , all this stuff, it's like a dream it's like, we're living in a dream that we forgot that we were having. If you could just get to that place of saying, I am and leave it open.
Right. And it's, it's an interesting exercise. It's Not I am period, in this case, it's I am dot, dot, dot. And just leave that space open.
Damaged Parents: [00:07:34] Not even I am human.
Fred Blum: [00:07:36] Right. Oh no
As soon as you add a modifier to, I am you've contracted, you've taken everything and made It into something that you see
Damaged Parents: [00:07:46] Yeah.
Fred Blum: [00:07:46] Right. So we're going to take, so just try it for a moment, even do it in your mind.
I am.
And you feel that space where you want to fill it in with something,
by the way, it doesn't even have to be a thing you could say, I am tired. I am happy. You see, you're still making it into something. Now I'm not saying by the way, just to be clear that you should never say these words, I'm not, I'm just because we're jumping around a little bit, but these are all important.
Like there's what we call the the relative and the absolute worlds. Okay.
So I'm speaking right now from an absolute perspective, just to kind of create this big context, but in the relative world, it's perfectly fine when you meet somebody. If you want to say, I am a podcast or I am a mom, that's not somehow a betrayal of this, you know, it's just the understanding that you're just playing a role.
Damaged Parents: [00:08:39] Okay. So if you have that understanding that changes
Fred Blum: [00:08:42] Yes. it. changes.
Damaged Parents: [00:08:44] if you've recognized that you're in that role in that moment,
Fred Blum: [00:08:48] Yes, exactly now, you know, like if you're in a play if you're in um, Macbeth or something, and I can't remember the names of the
Damaged Parents: [00:08:57] say mama Mia. Mama. Mia
Fred Blum: [00:08:58] mama Mia, who's your favorite character in Mama Mia
Damaged Parents: [00:09:01] Oh, what's it. Amanda. Seyfried's character is fantastic. I can't remember the daughter, the daughter,
Fred Blum: [00:09:08] Let's say, so imagine for a minute. Let's just even take Amanda, Seyfried. right. So she's playing the daughter in Mama Mia now, and maybe she's brilliant in that character, but when the curtain goes down and the applause dies down, she doesn't continue to walk around in the role of the daughter you see?
She knows is that it's a role. She played on the stage. And if she kept walking around in the world, behaving that way, people are going to be like Amanda. The play is over.
Damaged Parents: [00:09:37] Yeah. We don't sing every song.
Fred Blum: [00:09:40] right. And, and it would seem ridiculous for her. People would be like, there's something wrong with Amanda,
Damaged Parents: [00:09:47] Right.
Fred Blum: [00:09:48] But yet, this is what we do is we take on a role.
We literally invent an identity, we call it the ego, right.
Or the personality. And then we forget that we created that role and we become identified as this. And this is why the, I am exercise can be so interesting because when you don't add those roles to the end of I am you begin to see that this just a me that like is just existing.
Like I am. Is it enough?
Damaged Parents: [00:10:18] yeah.
Fred Blum: [00:10:19] Can begin to just touch into the idea, the possibility that this is enough, I am. I don't have to add anything to it. I can for a convention or for convenience, if somebody asks me, but in the moments when I'm really just being present that's enough. And what that does for people is it taps them in to this greater reality.
Which I say before we can call it consciousness or love it doesn't matter. But immediately there's a stillness that begins to show up things that seem really like, important or upsetting or whatever, just drop away in that space.
Damaged Parents: [00:10:58] Right. And because the other thing that's coming up for me is saying, the feelings thing.
Fred Blum: [00:11:04] Yeah.
Damaged Parents: [00:11:05] I self identify as I am sad. I mean, that becomes my entire, but that's not the entirety I should, I don't want to say, but I want to say, and that's still not the entirety of who I am. I am that I am.
Fred Blum: [00:11:20] you am.
You are
Damaged Parents: [00:11:21] You am. I love it. We're going to, we're going to come up with a new thing.
Fred Blum: [00:11:26] T-shirts few months ago. Yeah. And of course, if we look at it and I don't want to, this is not a political statement, but if we look at the culture now, somewhere along the way, maybe in the last 10 or so years, or maybe longer, we got so identified with our feelings. So now it's like you say something and I'm offended by it.
And I think my being offended has something to do with you. It doesn't, it's my experience. And so I would love to see our culture shift back to, I am responsible for my experience, but not like a rule or an idea when you drop back, when you really begin to get a sense of the, I am, as we're speaking about it here and the peace and the stillness that is intrinsic to that, then you realize there's nothing out there that really can touch this.
This I am. I said earlier, we share a being okay. This body
Damaged Parents: [00:12:24] It's not just a, not just a child
or
Fred Blum: [00:12:28] Oh, no, but that's the
thing. Exactly. So this body will die someday
and with it will, um, I'm assuming I don't have any direct evidence, but I'm assuming the ego, the personality will die with it.
Damaged Parents: [00:12:42] Okay.
Fred Blum: [00:12:44] this idea of me will be no more, but the being that is present, I believe before this came along, will be still like eternal goes nowhere it's there before birth. And it will be there after And the ability to identify more and more to see myself as being, which is another way of saying I am,
It gives me a place to operate from that as much peaceful than trying to operate as my personality. Okay. I'll add one more piece to that. Okay.
Why do we as little children, starting at very, very, practically at birth, why do we create this identity? Right.
Damaged Parents: [00:13:24] Yeah, that's a great question.
Fred Blum: [00:13:27] I'll give you my answer.
Damaged Parents: [00:13:28] Yeah, I would love to hear that.
Fred Blum: [00:13:30] I mean, because if, what I'm saying is even close to true, meaning , that there is a peace and a stillness, a love, that is already who we are.
Why would we ever leave that? And here's my answer. And not just mine, this is an answer that's common in certain spiritual teachings, et cetera. And that is that essentially we're born into this world as oneness, but it doesn't take us long to sense that we don't even have language yet. So we don't like, we can't articulate it, but we sense that something's off.
Like nobody else, mom, dad, whatever. No one seems to experience the world the way we do. They're all walking around like separate individuals. And so it's really first and foremost, a survival mechanism. We create an identity just to fit in with all the other identities, because that seems to be what we do here,
Damaged Parents: [00:14:21] in this world.
Fred Blum: [00:14:23] in this world, so the baby is like learning the rules.
But it's very important to understand this because in essence, we create this identity out of fear and insecurity. Yeah.
Damaged Parents: [00:14:35] what do you mean by that?
Fred Blum: [00:14:36] Because we look around and the world doesn't appear to be playing by the same rules that we do. We don't feel safe because everybody else has a separate thing. And it just doesn't feel natural the way we're being in this world. If that makes sense. I mean, it's hard to really
Damaged Parents: [00:14:53] well that's okay. Let me explain what I think I'm hearing. What I think I'm hearing is, we're born out of this connectedness. And when we're born out of this connectedness, we're born into this world that is no longer connected and from the mindset, not even the mindset, but from the soul's perspective, maybe and maybe a baby is closer to connecting with that connectedness, for lack of a better word,
Fred Blum: [00:15:22] hard to use language.
Damaged Parents: [00:15:23] Then there's this need to shift because the world is no longer operating.
The world, I can't say no longer. The world does not operate at the same level as the spiritual side.
Fred Blum: [00:15:37] Pretty accurate, I would say. Right. And I mean, in a sense, we go from being identified as being, which is eternal, which is infinite. So we go from everything into something. And again, I'm saying from my perspective, that's based on fear and insecurity. Now why I point that out is because that's going to be at the core of every ego
Damaged Parents: [00:16:06] the fear and insecurity. Okay.
Fred Blum: [00:16:08] So if we identify as any ego, which almost everyone does until we get into this work of self inquiry,
Damaged Parents: [00:16:15] Okay.
Fred Blum: [00:16:16] You can't like, this is why I sometimes joke of, like playfully make fun of the quote unquote self-improvement industry,
Damaged Parents: [00:16:25] Okay. Tell me about that.
Fred Blum: [00:16:27] because, you know, in self-improvement self-development, self-confidence all these kinds of words, the self that they're trying to improve is this ego.
You get it. And so we're trying to make something better that it's, at its very foundation is, was created out of fear and you can't make, you can't change the fact that it's created out of fear. So it's not to me about improving the identity. I mean, don't get me wrong. There are skills you can learn, how to like be polite and, how to get along with other people.
Those are great. Those are called skills,
Damaged Parents: [00:17:04] Right.
Fred Blum: [00:17:05] but it's different than saying is this who I am. And so to be identified as an ego or a personality, I'm using those words, all interchangeably here is never going to escape the fundamental suffering that's associated with. You know, Something that's created out of fear.
Damaged Parents: [00:17:20] Well, and I think what I'm not hearing you say, but what I'm getting from, what you're saying is that the assumption is made at some point that I am who you are in that moment is wrong in me.
Fred Blum: [00:17:34] Yes, exactly. That's very well put actually there's something wrong with me,
Damaged Parents: [00:17:40] Right
Fred Blum: [00:17:41] right. Which may be that would be like the insecurity part of it. right?
And, and we then go through our whole lives trying to figure out how to be okay.
Damaged Parents: [00:17:51] Yeah.
Fred Blum: [00:17:52] And this goes back. Now you asked the question about the game. I wanted to create this context to answer that question, because there can come a point. It takes a focus and in this process, what I call self inquiry, which we can get into more about what that means, but there comes a point when you sort of begin to wake up.
To the truth to who you really are. You begin to see, you know, you've heard it. It's almost a cliche, which is why I hesitate to say it, but it'll help here. Like, am I a, physical being, having a spiritual experience or a spiritual being, having a physical experience right. Now, that's a very, it's valid.
I just don't want it to sound like a bumper sticker,
Damaged Parents: [00:18:29] Such a great bumper sticker.
Fred Blum: [00:18:32] Another t-shirt. What I don't want people to do literally listening is to take this on intellectually. Okay. Because then it's only, it's just one more idea in my head. This is an experiential shift. You begin to experience yourself more as the spirit, having a physical experience. I think that's very accurate that I am consciousness or being, looking out through these eyes.
You see.
Damaged Parents: [00:18:59] Yeah.
Fred Blum: [00:19:00] And there is one being, looking out through seven and a half or whatever it is, billion pairs of eyes on this planet. One being billions of different variations on that being
Damaged Parents: [00:19:12] I'm not sure I follow you there.
Fred Blum: [00:19:13] Okay.
Well, it's funny because you used the word connectedness before
Damaged Parents: [00:19:17] Right.
Fred Blum: [00:19:18] And I didn't want to correct you because I know where you're going with it,
but it's even beyond connected. Okay.
Cause connected would imply two, right. There's a connection between these two. I'm saying there was only one, there was only being and being, so there isn't multiple spiritual beings having multiple spiritual experiences.
There is one being, looking out through your eyes, my eyes. So you have a different perspective, right? Cause you're looking through your eyes.
Damaged Parents: [00:19:45] It kind of goes, that reminds me of a quote. I came up with ages ago perception and perspective, are the deciding factors, which lead to choice.
Fred Blum: [00:19:54] There you go. Right? And from your relative perspective, that's absolutely true.
Damaged Parents: [00:19:59] Right?
Fred Blum: [00:20:00] Yeah.
Damaged Parents: [00:20:01] Because you are different than me,
Fred Blum: [00:20:03] Yes from a relative perspective.
Damaged Parents: [00:20:06] right. Which means your perception of what is happening. And your perspective,
Fred Blum: [00:20:11] That's right.
Damaged Parents: [00:20:11] because the perspective, I think the way I used to think of it is if I'm standing in a room and you're standing in the same room, we're both at different vantage points observing what's happening.
So our perspective is different in the way we perceive what's happening is that perception, which is also different based on our experience. Okay.
Fred Blum: [00:20:35] Now I'll add to that just cause I think interesting. And then we'll come back around to the other piece. Those different perspectives, I think can be fascinating if used in harmony with each other. So for example eyesight sight has something called binocular vision, which means that because I have two eyes, they do what's called they triangulate. So both of my eyes, which are set at a certain distance apart, come together this way. And that gives me the experience of depth perception.
Damaged Parents: [00:21:02] Okay,
Fred Blum: [00:21:03] Okay. I don't know if you've ever heard that before, but that's the way eyes work. Now you and I are standing together side by side. Even that side-by-side, it's easy to understand.
Side-by-side because you can imagine as there's two eyes and we're both, from our perspective, looking at something, it gives us and we share our experience together. We're not competing. we're, not arguing for who's right.
You see, I take your perspective and I take my perspective and I say together, we see whatever we're looking at with greater depth
Damaged Parents: [00:21:35] Okay. I see how you just added on to that. Yeah.
Fred Blum: [00:21:39] this is why we need each other in this relative world. We need each other because we help each other to see reality with greater depth and clarity, but we've crossed. Unfortunately, we lose that because like I said, a moment ago, if I'm standing here and you're standing there where we're looking at the same thing from a slightly different angle.
And I argue from my viewpoint, I am the only one that sees things accurately and you argue for yours, and now we've lost the opportunity to see things together.
Damaged Parents: [00:22:08] That's really interesting. Even if we're standing side by side, so it's almost like taking something two dimensional and making it three dimensional.
Fred Blum: [00:22:19] exactly. Exactly. It's not
Damaged Parents: [00:22:21] because
Fred Blum: [00:22:22] It's exactly that. Yeah, no, no, it's good. It's good.
Damaged Parents: [00:22:26] That's fantastic.
Fred Blum: [00:22:27] Yeah. And now imagine that like the same thing is true. If we were looking at, from opposite perspectives, like you and I are facing each other. So you're seeing the back of someone and I'm seeing the front of someone, this is the old story of the blind men and the elephant, you
Damaged Parents: [00:22:42] Okay.
Fred Blum: [00:22:43] metaphor
Damaged Parents: [00:22:43] Were there the different men are touching different parts of the elephant right?
Fred Blum: [00:22:48] Right. So an elephant is just a long skinny thing or an elephant is a giant, you know, whatever. But based on their experience, so the more of us that can join in saying, oh, what do you see? So, oh, you see the back of a person. I see the front of a person. I see, you know, I see it from this perspective.
I see it from that perspective. And so it allows us to see that there is only one thing being seen, but we're all sharing a different view of it.
Damaged Parents: [00:23:12] Which gives that much more depth to
Fred Blum: [00:23:16] Exactly.
Damaged Parents: [00:23:17] relationship right. And experience. I mean, I can see it doing that on many different levels, from an emotional perspective a physical perspective
Fred Blum: [00:23:29] Yeah.
Damaged Parents: [00:23:30] And more.
Fred Blum: [00:23:31] This becomes much, much easier when we begin to see that we in fact share a being you see? So come back to this idea, this idea of self inquiry. When we begin to look, the most fundamental spiritual question is the question, who am I? Because what we do is when we begin to ask that question in earnest, we begin to see that all the answers that come up, like you said before, I'm a mom.
I know this. I know that. We can say, well, who am I? I get that. I play the role of a mom, but is that who I am? And if you look and you sit with that question, honestly, you're going to have to come to the conclusion. No, that's not like, for example, if I wasn't a mom, if my kids were never born, would I still agree exist right? Well, of course I would. Yeah.
Damaged Parents: [00:24:19] Right, but you wouldn't exist as you exist now,
Fred Blum: [00:24:22] Right. But there's something that's still exists. There's something that would still exist.
Damaged Parents: [00:24:26] Right
Fred Blum: [00:24:27] So that's exactly the point you wouldn't exist as you do now, but something, what is that something that carries through all your roles, what is it about you that never changes regardless of, who or what you're doing or what you're thinking,
Damaged Parents: [00:24:41] yeah,
Fred Blum: [00:24:42] And so that question is, as you go deeper and deeper into it until you get to the point, because you can eliminate everything, things begin to fall away, I'm a person, I'm a body, I'm a woman or a man. And you begin to think, is there something even more fundamental than that? And we get to a point where the question becomes unanswerable.
Damaged Parents: [00:25:02] Right,
Fred Blum: [00:25:02] It's just because even if you say it, well, I am being now. You've just given me a concept.
So even beyond the concept, you just, for a moment you experience, and this is what I said, it's not an idea. For a moment, the words fall away. And for a moment you just experience yourself as being
Damaged Parents: [00:25:20] Which I think is really hard. That concept is really hard. I was in a clubhouse last night. The meeting, I think title was, I am enough and. Uh, these people were talking about being enough and what that meant, and when sitting with that, I mean, so many people struggle with being okay with even enough that I couldn't imagine being okay with.
Well, I am.
Fred Blum: [00:25:48] Which is funny. Cause that's, it's difficult for the ego to do that because see the ego is trying to validate itself. And what I'm saying is imagine if you could go beyond the ego. Okay. So you're not enough. Let me say it differently. Of course. You're enough. You're everything you are how could pure being not be enough?
Damaged Parents: [00:26:10] Right. I mean, and so many people struggle. Like, you know, I'm especially I think, in the disability community, and there's this idea that there's no value in people with disabilities and people with disabilities take on this idea that there's no value and and then how do they learn to sit with I am and because, they're already feeling like a burden or a this or that, and,
Fred Blum: [00:26:41] I want to state something emphatically here
Damaged Parents: [00:26:44] Yeah.
Fred Blum: [00:26:45] this, this being. And I'm using being as a, as a verb here, not as a noun, very important, right. Be me, this being, and again, the nature of the experience of being is love. It is peace. It is happiness intrinsic to it. There's nothing needs to be added to it.
Okay. This being is exactly the same expressing through a disabled body. You see, there is no, it doesn't matter if you're white or black, if you're a Democrat or Republican, if you wear a mask or don't wear a mask, it doesn't matter. The being that expresses through that form is the same. This is why, you know, many years ago, I really looked at sorry, the dog barking in the
Damaged Parents: [00:27:32] That's okay. Now we got to know the dog's name.
Fred Blum: [00:27:35] The dog is Lola.
Damaged Parents: [00:27:37] Lola. Well, that's a cute dog name.
Fred Blum: [00:27:41] She's a rescue. So we just kept her name
Damaged Parents: [00:27:43] Love rescues. Anyway, back to
Fred Blum: [00:27:45] back to being um, and the stain being by the way, expresses through her. You see, it's not even like just for humans, but I digress. Some years ago, I looked at the world and I see, you know, I mean, you know,, whatever challenges and problems you want to choose.
So whether it's, global warming or, mass genocide, or, inequity of wealth, COVID whatever you want to look at. And I thought, oh my God, like, there's, I can't even imagine how we could solve this. It just seems like, like humanity is, heading off a cliff. And I couldn't even, I don't know what we can do about this.
And I saw like in that same moment, but the only possible solution to this this situation, is consciousness. You see, it's we need to wake up massively and I'm not saying this is going to be easy or that we're even that close, quite frankly. But humanity waking up to our shared being is exactly it's not only a solution.
It's the only solution that I can see.
Damaged Parents: [00:28:53] Well, and I think what I hear you saying is that in my mind right now, what I'm thinking is if I recognize someone is part of myself, if you will, right? Because I have that perception, I'm speaking from my human space. Right. Then I'm going to behave differently toward them than if I don't recognize them as part of myself.
Fred Blum: [00:29:16] Exactly. How could you not,
Damaged Parents: [00:29:17] Right.
Fred Blum: [00:29:18] I mean, say more about that. What does that mean to you?
Damaged Parents: [00:29:20] I mean, to me, my thought is who's to say that I couldn't be in their situation and they couldn't be in my situation that we are here sharing this experience.
Fred Blum: [00:29:31] You just said something, there's a quote from the Bible. I'm not a particularly religious person, but I see wisdom like great wisdom in every tradition. And there's a quote from the Bible that says there, but for the grace of God, go I. Have you heard that before? I assume it's from the Bible or it's, something like that.
And I really, really see that, in Austin we have you know, a big homeless problem here
Damaged Parents: [00:29:55] Huge.
Fred Blum: [00:29:56] Under every overpass and you know, all this kind of stuff. And, I often reflect on that. I see these people on the side of the road, and I think to myself, a few different circumstances in my life and I could just as easily be out there on the street, And I don't say that, like people go, oh wait, what positive thinking?
And you don't, no, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about that. Maybe I might've had different parents, maybe something changed, maybe it's a slow, a slow series of events, cascading that has me suddenly see the world differently than I do now or not suddenly gradually.
And it's not as hard as we think there's not as much that separates us from that person on the street, as we think. And I don't say that to put anyone down and maybe there's someone right now that listens to this and goes, how dare you? But you know, that's the ego reacting. Yeah.
Damaged Parents: [00:30:48] And then what you're saying reminds me. I think it's a Malcolm Gladwell's book, Outliers, where he talks, I love his books for the very reason that he does all this research and investigation. And, I think it's in that book. He also talks about the 10,000 hours and the, this and that in and spoiler alert at the end of the book, we don't really know.
We don't really know what makes one person more successful than another person.
Fred Blum: [00:31:15] That's brilliant. Or for that matter, what makes one person homeless? Right? It's the same understanding
Damaged Parents: [00:31:22] Exactly. I mean, if it, yeah. I just have no words for it because there's no clear answer. And I think that a lot of times there's this belief. Well, so I mean, I, for it, I've had people tell me that people choose their disabilities for a reason. And I'm,
Fred Blum: [00:31:41] It's a great, it's fine. It's a great belief, but I'm a big believer in what is actually verifiable. So I will always say it like, this is my opinion. If it's my opinion, this is what I believe. So I won't say, oh, we all we're souls, whatever, because I don't know that I can't directly relate to my experience what I can.
And, but we all can do this. This is interesting because I believe, and this is going to sound almost counterintuitive at first that the spiritual path should actually be logical. Now that may not make sense because people think it's like, it's people talk about faith. I'm not really that interested in faith.
If I'm being honest with you.
okay.
When I say you are art, can we do an experiment?
Damaged Parents: [00:32:27] Let's do an experiment.
Fred Blum: [00:32:28] Okay. Because, a word that I've used a few times here to describe, and so it's really a synonym for this, for the experience of being is awareness.
Damaged Parents: [00:32:38] Okay.
Fred Blum: [00:32:39] one of the most fundamental questions that we can ask ourselves that we can answer objectively is am I aware?
So ask yourself that question and the answer can only be don't don't overcomplicate it, which the mind loves to do the answer has to be yes. Am I aware? Yes. So now we make a little bit of a shift and we become aware that we are aware, we become aware of awareness itself.
Damaged Parents: [00:33:09] Which could only be done outside of, well, not
Fred Blum: [00:33:13] well, it's kind of,
Damaged Parents: [00:33:14] of, but this
Fred Blum: [00:33:15] yeah, it's tricky that you know what right where you are. I feel that struggle. That's perfect. Okay.
Because where there really is no inside and outside here, you see awareness is if you want to think about inside and outside, just as a metaphor, awareness is the space in which all experience occurs.
Damaged Parents: [00:33:37] Okay.
Fred Blum: [00:33:38] so put your attention for a moment on the space. Like you're looking at the screen right now, or you feel your body sitting on the chair. That is an experience. Experience comes basically in three forms. Okay. Experience comes in the form of thought. In the form of feeling, which we could say, physical sensation or emotions or whatever, or it comes in the form of perception, which is what appears to be occurring out here. So whether you're thinking, feeling or perceiving something, those are all experiences. And here's the interesting piece here or you're aware of those experiences, correct? Like you're aware of your thoughts, we're aware of whatever physical sensations you're having. You're aware of something you might see in the environment around you, all of those experiences, which appear to be inside or outside of you all occur within the same space of awareness.
Damaged Parents: [00:34:31] Right. Okay.
Fred Blum: [00:34:33] So if we become aware of that space, you notice what are the qualities of that space it's kind of accepting, isn't it? It doesn't decide what can be in It and what can't be in it. It just includes everything
Damaged Parents: [00:34:45] It just is.
Fred Blum: [00:34:46] It just is. It just allows for everything within that space to be exactly what it is.
It doesn't have an agenda.
It doesn't say, oh, I'm aware of this, blue sofa, but it really should be a green sofa. You see, That's the mind doing that. But even the mind is actually again, mind is thoughts, right. Is still occurring within that space of awareness.
Damaged Parents: [00:35:09] That's really interesting to think about
Fred Blum: [00:35:12] Well, to step back, right? We're in it, in it, in it, this, this, this where we're thinging all the time, thinging means we're making everything into a thing
Damaged Parents: [00:35:21] Right. And judging it for what we think it should or should not be
Fred Blum: [00:35:25] Yeah, exactly. Right.
I heard a term the other day, which I thought was very, very interesting word. They call it othering. Othering, right,
The moment I become a separate thing, right.
Because my personality, my ego makes me a separate thing from you. You see?
And so the moment that happens and because the personality again is based on fear, I have to defend it , look at the world today and you'll see how true this is. The more I'm identified as this ego, which is basically just a bunch of thoughts and beliefs, right?
What is the ego? It's I am this, I am this, I am this just a bunch of thoughts. That's all it is. hard for people to get that, that this me, that I think I am is just a bunch of thoughts, beliefs. Okay. But the more I'm identified with those beliefs, if you believe something differently than me, I might take that as a threat to my very existence, my, my value as a human being.
So I defend that.
Damaged Parents: [00:36:21] Yeah. So there's this interesting movement that just triggered my thought about this or at least it's something I've recognized recently. Well, everyone's recognized the divisive. Well, I hope everyone's recognized there's a significant divisiveness in the world. And I almost question, you know, we have these groups on Facebook and it's great when you find your tribe and not there, I think is you see where I'm going with this?
I think that it could be dangerous that we have these tribes because as soon as I identify as part of this tribe and anyone outside of that tribe has to be wrong.
Fred Blum: [00:36:58] Right. Now we don't have to do that, but I certainly get your point.
Damaged Parents: [00:37:01] Right. Well, yeah. And just like the mindset of when someone, unless that group is like, hey, we are inclusive of all other groups and, even then
Fred Blum: [00:37:11] I mean, like, I can be, this is going to sound silly. Right. But I could be in a Spanish speaking group, people who love to learn and speak Spanish. And I don't say, oh, people that speak Italian are wrong. You see
it's like, it doesn't exclude them. But I do see what you're saying because we'd get very identified with our beliefs.
And I look, I'm sorry to say this. Cause it may sound a little like pessimistic, but I feel like our culture is moving in the direction of more and more identification with our beliefs,
Damaged Parents: [00:37:37] right. That's I think what I'm trying to explain by those groups, when you. Like, I think it's a slippery slope and probably a dangerous one because we've already got, the skin color issues and the country issues. And those are groups, religion, like you were saying. Yeah. They're all groups and it's very rare.
At least my experience has been that it's more rare to have a group that's all inclusive.
Fred Blum: [00:38:04] right,
Yeah. And this is why it gets very tricky because like let's use skin color and we don't want to get too, like whatever political about this, but like, I, 100% get it that you, again, this is one of those things where I don't know what it's like to grow up with black skin, for example.
And I know, I mean, I've listened and I've heard that there are people that have it, that like walking around it, as a person of color can be very, very different. When the cops pull you over, the way you think immediately is very different than the way I would think when a cop pulls me over.
So I'm very present that from a cultural perspective that needs to be addressed. Okay. So it's a paradox because I still say that the solution to that paradox is seeing, recognizing the oneness. And I don't mean just for the person of color. I mean, for all of us, because from the perspective of oneness, and this is really important from the perspective of oneness, in other words, because I know that no matter what color of your skin you and I share a being
Damaged Parents: [00:39:05] Right.
Fred Blum: [00:39:06] That allows me to have compassion for you.
It allows me to see that your experience of life is different than mine. Even though we share a being the perspective that you have from your particular eyes, looking at reality is different than mine. And it allows me to think, how can I improve or change the situation culturally? So that you don't have to have that problem anymore.
Understanding is intrinsic. Not that I can truly understand what it's like to be you, but compassion doesn't mean I know what your experience is. It just means I respect and honor that your experience might be difficult.
Damaged Parents: [00:39:43] Right. And it's the word I want to use is recognizing our sameness
is that I don't even know that that's a word, but
Fred Blum: [00:39:51] And it's, it's a tricky line though, because I say, well, black lives matter all lives matter. And then somebody says, oh, that's really, missing the point. You're missing that We're trying to make a point about how we're suffering, so it's, you don't try and get into the weeds of it.
Well, what about my life? Doesn't my life matter too. Of course it does. That's not the point. But if you get into, but the problem with it is, which I think is what you were saying is that if you get very identified with my black life and how it matters and this and that, then you exclude everything else,
Damaged Parents: [00:40:24] Right,
Fred Blum: [00:40:25] And so we have to find a way to, to include and understand everyone's perspectives are unique and different and challenging something.
Damaged Parents: [00:40:33] Right. Exactly. And that is a really hard message to get across
Fred Blum: [00:40:41] You see, because you can't get it across.
intellectually because the moment I say to a a black person who suffering all lives matter, they're going to take that personally. And as they probably, I'm not saying they shouldn't be right, because you just, and it devolves very quickly into a battle I can come from because remember this awareness, this being another word for it is love.
So if I can come from love and you say, as a black person, well, my I'm really struggling because blah, blah, blah, and white people don't get it. I can go. Wow. Yeah, that sounds really challenging. and I don't have to defend myself. You see?
Damaged Parents: [00:41:18] Yeah, and I think it's important to really empathize with where people are in their experience.
Fred Blum: [00:41:25] Exactly, because it is their experience and you know, what else what's amazing is when you meet them in their experience.
like really meet them, not like two separate people, but meeting in the field of being, the poet Rumi, if familiar with Rumi, R-U-M-I
Damaged Parents: [00:41:40] Yeah. saw a quote the other day and I was like, man, I want to, I just want to post that everywhere. And now I can't remember what it said.
Fred Blum: [00:41:48] Oh, there's a beautiful one. And I'm gonna probably get it a little bit wrong. But It's very pertinent to what we're saying. It says out beyond, knowing and not knowing there is a field I'll meet you there. And the field he speaking about is love. It is being, it is what we share, not what separates us, but what unites us doesn't even unite us because we already are one, see, language is tricky
Damaged Parents: [00:42:12] It's wow. You know, It almost boxes us in on some level. Right.
And,
and so I want to get back to how life becomes a game
and it was, well, see, we're already.
Fred Blum: [00:42:27] They say, great minds. Think alike.
Damaged Parents: [00:42:30] There you go. There you go. Because I mean, can I attempt to explain what I think you mean
by that?
What I think you might mean by that is once one has this understanding that we are all love and we are all experiencing this life together, that then maybe the struggles and challenges are just that they're part of the process.
Fred Blum: [00:42:53] Another beautiful metaphor is if you look up into the sky, there might be any number of things you see, you see clouds passing through, you might see birds or a plane, there might be thunder clouds, or it might be all blue. We tend to like, and so imagine each of those items that I just described as a thought. Now, imagine that who you are is the sky.
You see what I mean? Like all of it passes through. Here's this big, gray, scary looking cloud. That is a project that, I don't feel like I have all the resources I need to complete, but, and if you could become identified with the cloud, life can look really scary.
Damaged Parents: [00:43:31] Right.
Fred Blum: [00:43:32] But if you remember that you are the sky, remember what would we say before you are awareness?
You are the space in which your experience occurs, who you are, is the space in which your experience, occurs,
including the experience of being a me, including every thought, every like, or dislike all of those are experiences. And you are the one having those experiences, the space, and the nature. Again, you can't say this enough, the nature of that space is peace.
Damaged Parents: [00:44:02] Yeah,
Fred Blum: [00:44:03] Now let me get back to games real quick.
Damaged Parents: [00:44:05] Yes, please.
Fred Blum: [00:44:06] Cause like in my work, there are essentially two phases. The first phase is non-negotiable you have to begin to wake up to this thing, this true nature, true self. And that takes various amounts of time. But typically within three to six months, if someone is really committed to it, they begin to have a undeniable shift in their experience.
They begin to experience life as just more peaceful. My dog is barking over there. I said to my son, before I started this, I'm going to be in here. Don't make any noise. He makes a ton of noise. Okay. Now, you know, I could easily let that grrr and this is not self-control. That's what I really want to point to here.
It can pass through because I know that it's just an experience passing through me. You see.
Damaged Parents: [00:44:55] Right.
Fred Blum: [00:44:56] I don't have to go I'll deal with that later. I just know it's just something that happened and it's going to be over and it's done, so you have to get to that piece first and it doesn't mean complete enlightenment.
It means, I think of it like a continuum. Okay.
So on one side of the continuum, it's complete identification with ego.
Damaged Parents: [00:45:14] Right,
Fred Blum: [00:45:15] The other side of the continuum, it's a hundred present enlightenment. Like I am spirit walking through the world, I think life is just that journey. Moving along that continuum.
I know it's not actually that linear, but it's just easy to think of it. Okay. Now, in my mind, I used to say 51%. The moment you get to just 1% over the line where you're 1% more identified as spirit or being than you are as identity or ego. Okay, good. You're there. I've since modified it to about 60%, because 1% just this, the scales are still too close.
You can easily tip back to ego, right,
But at 60% you're considerably more established as being,
there's still 40% of your ego. So certain things can still pull you back into it, which just shows you where there's still work to do, which is fine, but you can live more and more from that place of stillness and peace you see now.
So that's job one. Phase two is now life becomes a game. Why? Because now you see that your happiness is no longer dependent on the outcome of whatever, how much money I make. What do I, do I live in the Right.
neighborhood? Whatever circumstances you think will make you happy as an ego.
You realize none of that matters here. It's not that it doesn't matter. right.
Like I still want my son to be happy and successful and get good grades or whatever, it's still rather my dog wouldn't be on the floor like she did this morning. Okay. I just know that my happiness is not subject to those things.
Damaged Parents: [00:46:52] Right. So, Because those things happen, it doesn't mean that you can't, I call it joy. That, that inner peace of, okay, well I have this joy and yes, that thing, I don't like it, that doesn't change that I get to still have this peace about me.
Fred Blum: [00:47:10] exactly. It look, you know what we say? Right. Very, very, very wise words you say shit happens. Right. Shit happens.
And it's not like, again, I want to be clear that this is not some mental skill, like learn to like see a differently, try and look at the bright side. It's none of that. It's literally just knowing that who you are, isn't subject to that, like your happiness isn't subject to that.
So the game perspective is that from there, you can now create life any way you want. Okay. Why, why not? You see the very nature of a game is that you, in this case, it's your game. So it's not even a game that you're like going into someone else's game. The nature of your game is a, you made up the rules, which means you made up what winning and losing look like Okay. So I'll give you an example of a game. I used this one along. Okay. Someone a hundred and something years ago made up a game than it is better to hit the ball with the stick than to miss the ball with the stick.
Damaged Parents: [00:48:15] Right.
Fred Blum: [00:48:15] Okay. Now let me ask you a question. Is there anything in life more meaningless than hitting a ball with a stick? You know what I mean? It's like talk about a silly activity, but when you create a game, you give it meaning
Damaged Parents: [00:48:30] Right,
Fred Blum: [00:48:31] Now, but here's the difference if I'm still operating from ego and I miss the ball with the stick, I'm like, it's a big deal that I missed the ball with this stick right? And I think it's like, like, it means something about me when I hit it now from a place of being.
As identification with being you miss the boat with the stick and you go, oh man, I'll try it again. Why? Because you made it up
Damaged Parents: [00:49:00] Right.
Fred Blum: [00:49:01] And what's the main point of a game. It looks like fun.
Damaged Parents: [00:49:05] Yeah.
Or to have fun.
Fred Blum: [00:49:08] Exactly. So from the point of a game, I say, I'm already from the perspective of being, I should say, I'm going to make up a game, whatever it is, let's say, I want to make a million dollars this year.
Okay. Not, this is really important because watch how fast the ego grabs it. Not because I'll show them. right.
That teacher that said I would never amount to anything or, you know what, maybe I'll, feed people will finally respect me or maybe I'll finally be worthy in my own self image.
You know, This is funny side note. I work with a lot of very successful people. Okay. People that make a lot more money than I do. I know I literally work with NFL player who I think his contract was $80 million a year or something ridiculous thing. Right. they have the exact same insecurities that everyone else has.
They still worry of people will like them. They still have, because that can't. But you see, you think, well, gosh, if I had that much money, I know that ain't it. Okay.
Damaged Parents: [00:50:04] Yeah. I once asked my daughter in the car. Gosh, it was a couple of years ago and I think she said something about, she wanted to be successful. And I said, well, what if success is happiness? Silence.
Fred Blum: [00:50:18] Yeah. That's why I'm glad she was silent. I love that. She let that sink in.
Damaged Parents: [00:50:22] Yeah.
Fred Blum: [00:50:23] Right?
Damaged Parents: [00:50:24] Yeah,
Fred Blum: [00:50:24] How old is she?
Damaged Parents: [00:50:25] now she's 18.
Fred Blum: [00:50:27] So she was 16.
Damaged Parents: [00:50:28] She, yeah. So around 16, yeah, around 15, 16. It was a couple of years ago, but you know, it just makes me think of that there in this world, this idea of success is money. And if I have that money, then I'm going to be happy and. My thought is that happiness is relative.
Fred Blum: [00:50:46] It is well, you know, and not to sound, I'm not contradicting you, but happiness is intrinsic. It's not dependent on anything. It's only relative um actually, it's an important thing. It's only relative from the perspective of the ego.
Okay.
Damaged Parents: [00:51:00] right.
Fred Blum: [00:51:01] I'm saying happiness is who you are. Yeah. And it sounds funny. You can't not be happy.
You can only not know that you're happy.
Damaged Parents: [00:51:09] You could choose. Yeah. Okay.
Fred Blum: [00:51:11] Well
Damaged Parents: [00:51:12] I'm getting there.
Fred Blum: [00:51:13] being is who you are. Okay. And I'm saying happiness is intrinsic to being, you know, one of my favorite teachers, I'm just going to ramble on here. One of my favorite teachers, the one named Byron Katie, some of your listeners may know who she is cause she's pretty, well-known, she's written a bunch of books and she's one of these people.
She operates from a very, very high level of, of identification with being way over on the side of the continuum. Right?
And she's, and she's funny and she's provocative and I just love her. And she says, she'll speak to an audience of three, 400 people. And she'll say, I know all of you love me, but some of you may not have caught on to that yet. Now here's why I love that. Okay.
Because from an ego perspective, you think, oh my God, how arrogant of her? How could she say that? But that's not what she's saying. Okay. She's saying, I know, I know that you are love because she knows that she is love. You see. So you love me because that's what love does.
But you may not see that yet. It's got nothing to do with her. She's just saying it that way to be funny.
Damaged Parents: [00:52:19] Right, right. That makes so much sense.
Fred Blum: [00:52:22] Yeah.
Damaged Parents: [00:52:23] Fred.
Fred Blum: [00:52:24] I know we're out of time.
Damaged Parents: [00:52:25] Oh, that's okay. Because I want to get your three things. I always surprise people my guests so three things that you want our listeners to walk away with today, you may or may not have mentioned them, or maybe something just miraculously pops into your mind that we need to know.
Fred Blum: [00:52:44] Okay. And um, you didn't ask me to come up with these in advance, which I,
really love.
Damaged Parents: [00:52:48] I did not on purpose.
Fred Blum: [00:52:49] That's great. Okay. Well, yeah, I mean, some of them, we did say, so let's see if we can at least re like re presence a couple. The first thing is just to ponder, right? I call my work self inquiry.
So it's not like a conclusion that you'd like, can just say, this is it. You have to come to it through your own inquiry. So just to ponder that who you are is love or awareness, just to ponder that second, that life really from that perspective of, I am love. Life can become a game where you make up the rules because you know that your happiness is no longer dependent on the outcome.
And third, I was going to try and think of a joke, but nothing's coming to my mind. Third be, from this perspective of I am the space in which my experience occurs. Just to begin to notice your reaction to any circumstance in life and begin to see that reaction as life's way of showing you exactly precisely where you can begin to wake up.
So if something, if someone says something to me and I get annoyed, cause it still happens here too. And I'm, present enough to notice the reaction. I can sit with that reaction for a moment and allow that reaction to teach me something about how I'm still holding myself as separate.
Damaged Parents: [00:54:19] Ooh. I love that. And it really goes with this thing I say about being a parent because man, if I don't react with kids, right, like but being a parent helps teach me who I am and you're taking it a step further and saying, recognize this everywhere.
Fred Blum: [00:54:36] And think about what that model is for your kids. I mean, now let's start another podcast. Right. What that model is for your kids when you don't react, not just behaviorally, but it teaches them who they are.
Damaged Parents: [00:54:47] Yeah. Oh yeah. Thank you for taking that a step further. I'm really super glad we got to have this conversation today. Fred, it's been so much fun. I love the idea of opening the mind up and recognizing that we are,
Fred Blum: [00:55:06] We are
Damaged Parents: [00:55:07] Thank you.
Fred Blum: [00:55:07] after that. Right.
Damaged Parents: [00:55:08] Yeah, we're done
Fred Blum: [00:55:09] Right. And I invite people to my Facebook group.
Damaged Parents: [00:55:13] Please. Yes, absolutely. I mean, it's, I'm going to have it, everything in the show notes also,
Fred Blum: [00:55:18] Okay, awesome. I'll just help them. Cause it's a free group. It's called Being.Well. Being period. Well, period. And in that we explore the relationship between being, as we've been describing all this time and wellness and happiness. So it's just, with just an inquiry into that.
Damaged Parents: [00:55:37] It really sounds like it comes from a perspective of love.
Fred Blum: [00:55:41] Exactly,
Damaged Parents: [00:55:42] So if you want more love go to his group
Fred Blum: [00:55:45] Come explore with us. Right. And also, I assume there'll be, you put some contact information somewhere in the show notes for me,
Damaged Parents: [00:55:50] Everywhere on the website
Fred Blum: [00:55:52] Yeah.
Damaged Parents: [00:55:52] in the show notes,
Fred Blum: [00:55:53] I mean, you can give them my phone number, like for real, I don't expect this going to be an avalanche of calls, but the reason I say that is because I have a standing offer that if someone resonates with this conversation, right, like if it intrigues them or if it challenges them and they want to talk about this more reach out, I mean, literally I am more than willing, happy, really to spend 30 minutes, an hour on the phone with someone exploring this possibility of being in this way.
There's no charge for this. I want to be clear. It's just the service. And it's a way for people, because this is a hard conversation. I am well aware of that. I'm well aware of how challenging this conversation is, but I also am well aware of how important it is. And so I want to do whatever I can to help facilitate this in the world.
Damaged Parents: [00:56:40] I love that. I love that you love, and we are.
Fred Blum: [00:56:44] And we are.
Damaged Parents: [00:56:45] Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We really enjoyed talking to Fred about how life may just really be a game. We especially liked when he asked what happens in you, when you say I am and stop. Put no qualifiers behind it. To unite with other damaged people, connect with us on Facebook. Look for damaged parents.
We'll be here next week. Still relatively damaged. See you then.
