Episode 95: Recycling Money

Brittany McKnight

Brittany is a 30 year old entrepreneur, believer, wife and step-mom of four. She’s gritty, empowered, always trying to better today than she was yesterday and have huge goals to obtain. She now owns a coaching and consulting business that empowers others to take control of their lives and their businesses.

Social media and contact information:

IG: @mrs_britmcknight
FB: Brittany Renee McKnight
www.progresscandc.com

Podcast Transcript:

Damaged Parents: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents where divisive, struggling, insecure people come to learn. Maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged. Someone once told me it's safe to assume 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way. I would venture to say it's closer to 100%.

Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about. In my ongoing investigation of the damaged self. I want to better understand how others view their own challenges. Maybe it's not so much about the damage. Maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it.

There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience? My hero is the damaged person. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side hole. Those who stared directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover their purpose.

These are the people who inspire me to be more fully me. Not in spite of my trials, but because of them, let's hear from another hero. Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advice. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them.

Today, we're going to talk with Brittany McKnight. She has many roles in her life. Step mother, wife, daughter, granddaughter, sister, aunt, and more. We'll talk about how she grew up in a home where her parents fought all the time, and how the violence impacted her and how she found health and healing. Let's talk.  

 Brittany McKnight. We are so glad to have you on Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. You are a life and business coach for women entrepreneurs. What a blessing you are to that industry. Thank you so much for being here today.

Brittany McKnight: [00:02:14] Yeah. I'm, I'm so excited. Thank you very much.

Damaged Parents: [00:02:17] Yeah. It's not every day. We get to, share our struggle with the world. And yet I think what I'm learning is it's kind of important.

Brittany McKnight: [00:02:26] Yeah, I'm learning that too. I think that a lot of us had that struggle because we think we're the only ones with it. And I used to definitely be that person. And I thought that I was the only person that. Learn to turn myself around from the way that I used to live and what I'd been through. And I've learned that sharing that with more people just empowers people more.

And I want to do that more. I want to share it more

Damaged Parents: [00:02:48] yay. I'm so excited. Well then speaking of struggle. In fact, a little bit before the podcast, we briefly touched on the fact that your struggle might have a little bit to do with divisiveness. Maybe not in the way the world is seeing divisiveness right now, but on a smaller level.

Brittany McKnight: [00:03:06] Yeah. Just. I feel like everything is always like black or white. There's never any opportunity to mediate anything or to be in the middle. And I know that I grew up in a household that my parents fought consistently, and I felt like I was always a mediator and there was never any room to negotiate or to work things out.

And just like, everything was so tense all the time. And I get out into the world and I feel like I'm very. Critical about who I surround myself with, but I still see it from like a macro perspective. Just how the world is so against each other.

Damaged Parents: [00:03:42] Yeah. Okay. So does your struggle start for you? as a child or was there another struggle you wanted to tell us about today? Because I'm also learning struggles happen throughout my life. And I hate admitting that.

Brittany McKnight: [00:03:57] Yeah, well, actually I'm happy to say some 31 years old. And the last 11 years of my life I've been the best 11 years ever. So I'd say the last third of my life has been amazing. The first two thirds was definitely a string of struggles that I think were rooted in my childhood. So we can start there if you want to kind of go back that far.

Damaged Parents: [00:04:18] Yeah. Let's let's let's do this.

Brittany McKnight: [00:04:21] Yeah. I grew up in a really, uh, we always had food, and clothes and shelter and things like that. I mean, but we report in the sense, like that was all we had and I'm grateful that we did have that, but art, my family's values were just not ideal. And I grew up in a very chauvinistically family.

 And I will precursor, this was saying that I have an amazing relationship with my parents now. But it wasn't like that. Early on. My dad was an alcoholic for several years. And it was funny because I, part of my practice as a coach is really evolving your money mindset. And I had to work to do that for myself first.

And it was funny because we never had money to do things that we wanted to do. I couldn't even go stay at a friend's house because they couldn't afford the gas to get back and forth to a friend's house. but my dad always had money for alcohol. And so just seeing that misplaced value and realizing that as I got into adulthood, but that really affected the trajectory of my life for a long time.

And so, you know, my parents always fought as a result of that, and I always saw that stuff going on. And I grew up and I was 17 and I moved out of the house when I was 17. I was still in high school and. I very rapidly became an alcoholic myself for three or four years. And so I just struggled with that and I just looked back and so much of the mindset issues that I had and the struggles with money and values and relationships really was just rooted in that misplaced identity.

That I think that I had with  Just that relationship growing up and seeing that, and that not being like the ideal way to grow up and that just manifested in myself until I woke up. And I think I was 20, 20 years old. I was about to turn 21 when I really woke up and realized like, I don't want to live like this anymore.

And then my parents became like negative motivation and all that stuff I experienced as a child made me realize, like I don't ever want to be married like that. I don't want to be an alcoholic. I don't want to look at myself when I'm 40 years old and say that this is all I have to show for it. And yeah, it was really crazy. That was just like a macro, very macro perspective of how I grew up. But a lot of alcoholism just a lot of selfishness, a lot of fighting. Chauvinism a woman was very much like to cook and to clean and to stay home, never to go out and do things that she wanted. And I am all about reversing all of those roles, all of those thoughts.

And I very much do believe that all of that stuff. Happens in our lives, not to us, but in our lives for a reason. And it's given me so much purpose to go out and help other people to get past stuff like that. That's happened to them.

Damaged Parents: [00:07:10] Yeah, So I heard you say that the things like that happen in our life to us, but in our lives for a reason. It's and it's not, it sounds like that means also that is not who you are. How do you shift though? That mindset, when you have those beliefs? How did you start to shift into? Well, it just happened to me, but it's not all of who I am.

I hope that

Brittany McKnight: [00:07:33] Yeah, it does. I'm a very big believer in extreme ownership that, that book by Jocko Willink, if you've ever heard of it really talks about this a lot, but things happen to us in our life and we can't always control what happens to us, but we can always control how we. Use that experience or that information to move on.

And like, that's the amazing thing about being a human is that we have the power of choice. And even if something happens to you, you can choose to become that thing. And to let that negatively affect you, or you can choose to take that and learn. What do you not want from this? Why do you not want this to happen to you again?

Or what can I learn from this? Or how can I take this and help somebody else with it as a result? I very much believe that there is no opportunity in our life where. Life just happens to us. We're always making choices and whether those choices are good or bad, they are still the choices that we made.

I just, I think I realized that kind of early on gratefully and I did a lot of thought work to myself to realize like, I don't have to be like that. Like, that is the way that I grew up as, not me. Those were just circumstances around. The person, like the life that I was brought into. But I didn't have to be like that just because that's how I grew up.

Damaged Parents: [00:08:53] and it sounds like you took on. So you realize that after your twenties. Right. And so at 21, on some level, it sounds like you took it on at first because was it just how you thought you needed to behave or were there feelings that went along with the drinking? What was happening?

Brittany McKnight: [00:09:13] that when I assimilated into that lifestyle, especially when I was so young and I was out on my own, like, when I was a kid, we didn't play sports. Like I had no social life and then I was 17 and I pretty much ran away from home. And then all of a sudden I had this freedom, but I had always lived in that life.

And I had seen. You know, You grow up. And the only other time, I really remember experiencing people where other kids in school. And so I would ride the bus home and I would see bits and pieces of other people's lives. But I always assumed that it's normal for the cops to show up at your house every weekend and for your parents to fight and throw stuff at each other.

So I just thought that. This is the only life I've ever known. So I don't know what else to do. And that's just kind of how I assimilated into that.  But the thing was is that as I got out into the world more, I started to see that, okay, everybody doesn't live like this.

Like not everybody's dad is an alcoholic and people don't have these negative confrontations with cops all the times. Like that's not normal. What I think is normal is not normal. When I got into like my 1920 year old era. And that's when at my alcoholism was probably the worst, but that's also when I think that it got worse, because I realized that that was not normal.

And so I kept drinking to try to get as far away from that realization as possible until one day it just snapped and it's like, okay, I have to stop this. If I'm ever going to have that life that I want.

Damaged Parents: [00:10:41] How did you figure out what you wanted? Versus what you were in, because it sounds like you were really embedded in that culture. If you will, with alcoholism.

Brittany McKnight: [00:10:50] yeah. I mean, there were definitely drugs in there too. But it was mainly alcohol, more than anything. And I'm grateful that I never got addicted to anything, but you know, I was experimenting, I think that it's good that when I grew up, I was not exposed to that many people because then when I became.

Like free. I, when I got out on my own, I still stayed with a very small circle of friends. And so I did have some influences, but I never really got close to a lot of people, but I always worked hard. And so I was always working. I always had a job, getting out and working and that exposure to that just gave me more exposure to more people.

And then I started to see that there's so many different kinds of people. And I started to realize that the people I really respected and looked up to were not people that stayed out all night on Tuesday and Wednesday night drinking at happy hour. Like they were people that were working on their businesses and they had families and they had husbands and wives that they love to be with.

I remember it being so weird to me that somebody would rather be married than single. And there was just stuff that intrigued me about things about life that I hadn't experienced before. And so I slowly migrated into that realization that. I want those things because those people look happy and I really could understand body language and people were not the same.

And there was just like this aura almost of like light around people that had fulfilling lives. And then I looked at mine and the people I was hanging out with, and it was like dark and grungy. And like, it just felt filthy. And, It was just, I mean, I think that my work ethic had a lot to do with it because it just gave me exposure to people that I wouldn't have had otherwise.

Damaged Parents: [00:12:36] Yeah.

I don't think I've thought about it. Like that would be eye opening

Brittany McKnight: [00:12:42] Yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:12:42] see if you hadn't seen that before. what was it like to shift or start shifting? Was there some fear involved because you knew what the other life was like, and now you're looking at this other life or was it excitement?

What was going on inside of you?

Brittany McKnight: [00:13:01] I think for the most part it was excitement and it was uncertainty, but I was willing to go into it. And I know that for me. I did realize that for instance, to get away from being an alcoholic, I had to replace my Fridays and Saturdays from parties to working. And it was like, I almost had to, I knew I had to change my mindset first to be able to get to where I wanted to go.

But the thing was, is that I didn't necessarily know how did I need to think to stop being an alcoholic. Instead of changing my mindset, first, I changed my action first. And so I would start to find activities to replace the toxic ones. So instead of like, I think around my twenties was about the time I started working as a server.

And instead of, wanting to go out and party on the weekends, I would, two or three weeks ahead, I would commit myself to working shifts on a weekend in which I don't know if you've ever worked in the restaurant industry or anybody that's listening. But once you commit to those shifts, nobody's going to take them from you.

Nobody wants to work on a Friday or a Saturday in a restaurant. And I just knew that, like, that was going to be one of the tactics that I would have to employ to get me away from that lifestyle that want and that desire. And I consistently would work on the weekends and by the time I got off work, I was so tired.

I didn't want to do anything, but go home and go to sleep. And so I just focused on like, who are the people that are not really benefiting me that are going to be holding me back more than they're helping me to move forward and replacing old activities and old lifestyle with new ones and just figuring out what that stuff was going to be and trusting that.

Another thing was that realizing like I had these big grandiose dreams that I was never going to achieve with the life that I was living. And I remember thinking, like, I'm not thinking this stuff for no reason. And so I just started to consume, like that thought that there's a reason that I'm thinking this way.

There's a reason that I want more, there's a reason that I want to get away from this. And so I think that I just relied on that belief a lot for a long time. I didn't know what it would turn into. But it was just. Really working on like the way I was thinking and just replacing, because you cannot get rid of you, can't just get rid of something out of your life.

There can't be a void there. We're always going to find a way to fill it. And so I knew that I had to replace it with something more wholesome. Those were like the tactics that I employed initially to really get there.

Damaged Parents: [00:15:25] Now did you set yourself up with like a support system or were you very much just on your own journey at that point?

Brittany McKnight: [00:15:32] I have two or three, like really great friends that they were very supportive of, the changes that I was making. But for the most part, it was really just self-funded, like thoughts and just motivation and all that stuff. I mean, I was always up until I was 21. I was always living with people in different places.

I mean, I was all over the place and The last people I lived with was my parents for a few months. And when I was 20 and this was when I was transitioning. And then when I had gotten to this point and I was really committed to changing who I was, I moved out on my own to a County that I didn't know anybody else here in Kentucky.

And that really helped me a lot because I came down here. I got out of my comfort zone. I had to meet new people. Uh, I had started to go to a church in this place and it just got me in, like, it was where nobody knew me. I was, it was like a fresh start for me. I like established new roots completely and.

That was just really critical, but I guess that I did have a support group, but it wasn't something that I actively sought out. I don't think I just was very, uh, I'm very big on independence. And so I was just focused on like, I can do this for myself and I'll figure it out.

Damaged Parents: [00:16:48] Yeah.

And it sounds like even coming from that family, there wouldn't have been a lot of support. And I would think there would be a tremendous amount of if it is to be it's up to be like, isn't that a savings from somewhere a long time ago? Yes.

Brittany McKnight: [00:17:03] Yeah, for sure. And you're  really right. I didn't have a lot of family support. And it's funny because I was never a Christian until I was 21 and I really felt like this. So like overwhelming voice to like, just like to get baptized and start going to church. And especially when that transition took place, I was 21.

When I got saved. And when that happened, I did get flack from family. And, I started to be a Bible Thumper and it was just like this goody two-shoes kind of thing, because to go from like, cussing up a storm and drinking the way that I was and stuff like that to go to church Wednesday and two times on Sunday and being like, just immersed in that culture.

I mean, it was really hard for family and I lost a lot of people that I thought were friends obviously realized now that they weren't. But I mean, when I looked back on that, like, it was hard to take that criticism just for like a short period of time, but I knew that the benefit far outweighed whatever they thought.

Damaged Parents: [00:18:00] So you started connecting with these people at church, and you've got this independent belief about who you are, and now you're in this new culture. That to me seems from the outside seems super connected. What was that feeling like? Was it awkward? What happened inside of you and how did you keep showing up to that?

And, and what feelings did you get from it?

Brittany McKnight: [00:18:27] Yeah. I definitely, when I remember especially going to church, because I mean, I'd never grown up going to church. I think I'd been in a church building, you know, a handful of times when I was a kid. And so I remember going in there a lot for several years, actually just being, so self-conscious about like, if these people knew who I used to be, I would not be allowed in here.

I never tried to act like somebody I wasn't, but I definitely shied away from talking about myself a lot so that it would make it easier for me to feel like I was welcomed in that community because it was just, it was also new. Like, not that it was anything anybody had made me feel.

It was just that I didn't understand. The, you know, how should I feel? Like, how should I act in this new community? Like, am I going to be able to stick with this? And there was a lot of feelings of shame and I had to work really hard to not let myself feel that way anymore. And like now I love to talk about my past because if it had not been through all the mistakes that I made and all the mud and the mire that I'd went through, then I would not.

Be where I am today. I would not challenge myself the way that I do. I would not be so willing to empower other people. I would not put myself out there the way that I do, I would not have done for society in the economy, just what I have so far. But I mean, it was definitely really hard. So it was just a lot of, like, I had a lot of conversations in my head and I still do that even today.

I mean, there's a lot of like me and I still think about conversations that I've had and I'm like, Brittany. This, you don't, you don't need that person or you don't need that thing. And I'm like, I very intentionally would tell myself that and I wake up in the morning every single day still, but I know that back then, especially I would wake up in the morning and I would set my intention for the day.

And I would say today, this is the person that I am. This is the person I want to be. These are the things that I want to do. And I would focus on that. And sometimes I would fail. But the more that I practice, that the more I got better at it. And the more that I went through with those actions to be that person that I wanted to be the more, the thoughts, assimilated with that lifestyle and those actions

Damaged Parents: [00:20:32] So I think what I'm hearing you say is throughout that process of change, sometimes you would fail and making the change or doing the task you had set up for that day, and yet you kept trying, and then before you knew it, everything started aligning itself.

Brittany McKnight: [00:20:49] Oh yeah, for sure. Consistency and persistence for sure.

I feel there's nothing in life where that doesn't apply, whether it's business or your faith or your marriage or raising kids is definitely one. There's never a circumstance where consistency and persistence will not pay off.

Never if it's pure intentions behind it, it will never not pay off.

Damaged Parents: [00:21:12] right. And it's interesting. You say pure intentions. Explain what that means for us.

Brittany McKnight: [00:21:17] Well, I look at people that really, this is going to be an extreme example, but it's something that everybody knows about. We have, everybody has dreams, but they're not always good dreams. And I think that if you have a dream that really detracts from other people or it harms other people that is not.

Something that I would, you can definitely have persistence and consistency with that, but it definitely does not benefit people. So we think of like the Holocaust and we think of, Hitler's dream. He fulfilled his dream when he wanted, but it was, and he was persistent. He was consistent, but that was obviously not pure intention, but, I think about the dreams that I have.

To empower women and just people to pursue the life that they want. And for them to trust that they are not dictated by their past or their circumstances. And like, I have pure intentions behind doing that. I have a business where I help people do this. And so they financially have to pay me to do that, but I don't feel bad about that because my intention behind that is like Holy pure, because I trust that.

My service and what I empower people to do will enable them to do that. And I consistently put myself out there I'm diligent on, how I can help people, what I provide. But your intention behind that has to be pure. I've never seen anything. How do I want to put this?

So like blanking out

Damaged Parents: [00:22:43] Well, I think what I'm hearing from you is that you genuinely care about the success of your clients. And then figuring out where their values and standards are so that they can become into alignment.

Brittany McKnight: [00:22:55] Yeah, you can not help people out of lack. There are definitely times when being in a state of lack or despair or just a drought in your life helps you find yourself more spiritually and in your soul. And just figure out more of who you are thinking. Especially if you are a Christian.

I think it just helps you get closer to God. But my thing is is that I want people to pursue more for themselves and their lives. Because when you go after what you want and it's, there's pure intention behind it, everybody else is better off. It's just like that thing. If mama ain't happy, nobody's happy.

So if you're not happy, other people around you and your sphere of influence, they're not going to be happy, but if you're seeking out whatever, you're passionate about, what you believe your purpose is then as a result of that, everybody is better off. And yeah, it's really important for me that. I empower and I enable other people to do that because I know what I've been able to do for other people, because I did that.

Damaged Parents: [00:23:50] Yeah.

That's fantastic. Now you talked about kids. I know on here, you struggled with being a stepmom for a little bit,

Brittany McKnight: [00:24:00] Yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:24:00] that's a challenge in and of itself. Could you share a little bit about that?

Brittany McKnight: [00:24:04] Yeah. I try to keep it concise. I was 23 when I got married and I never wanted kids, but I always did want to adopt a kid. But I met my husband at church and he had just gotten divorced and he had four kids and I was like, well, maybe this is like, God's way of telling me, like you are going to adopt kids times four.

And I was like, okay. So I got married and I was 23. I'd never had experience with kids. I was not necessarily a kid person, but. I thought that was what I was supposed to do, but I struggled a long time with it. It was not what I thought it was going to be. I found myself trying to do all these, like quote unquote mom, things like, taking sports and I'd get up and fix their breakfast there.

And I try to help them with their homework, but that just did not feel genuine to me because that wasn't who I was. And I wasn't being Brittany for my step kids. I was being like this. Whatever I thought a step-mom was supposed to be. So I wasn't really fulfilling my role. And I did that for five or six years, and I just became increasingly more irritated with it because I wasn't being appreciated.

I felt like I was putting in all this work for no reward. I was doing all the mom things and getting none of the credit and I was running them around a sports all the time. I wasn't. Able to spend time with them. I felt like my relationship with them still wasn't where it should have been five or six years after I'd gotten married.

And I had gotten to a point where I was either going to like leave my husband or something was going to have to drastically change. And I didn't know what that was. And so I reached out to a lady that I had gone to church with and she had a very similar circumstance. She never had kids, but she had fostered several and she had went through this emotional rollercoaster.

And we talked for a long time. It was a really emotional conversation. But the one thing that she said to me that really stuck with me because I was really ready to just like wash my hands of them altogether, even despite being married to my husband. And she was like, just don't give up on them, whatever you do just don't give up on them.

The way she told me that was just so endearing and I there was a whole lot more that I couldn't determine at the time. And so I thought about what we talked about for a couple of days. And then I went to my husband and I told him I'm not going to be a step-mom anymore. I was like, I'm not going to do any of that stuff.

I'm not getting up and fixing their breakfast. I'm not going to take them to school. I'm not going to Run them back and forth to sports. I'm not doing any of that stuff anymore. I was like, these are your kids. And if you want us to be able to stay married because I do, then you're going to have to take on these responsibilities.

So I committed to being more of a mentor to them than a stepmother. And I washed my hands of like all those like quote unquote motherly duties that I thought I had to do. And once I gave myself that power to be that person, it completely changed. I mean, like almost overnight. My relationship with my husband got better.

I mean, I could look back on it and see, it's like shutting a book and then opening another one. And then just my, like the kids come to me when they come in and they like ask me for advice on stuff. It's just, it's so much richer relationship now because I chose to. Step into who I'm supposed to be and take off the shoes of like this societal role that I thought was supposed to be on me.

Damaged Parents: [00:27:21] Yeah. that's a tough role, I think for moms And step-mom's a lot, I mean, we're all, that mom role is a really hard role. I think.

Brittany McKnight: [00:27:31] Yeah. And it sounds like even thinking about it now, like it's like, what is so hard about it, but I know that for me, it is so hard to raise somebody else's kids. I'm not like we don't have a great relationship with their mother and that made it really hard. And so a long time I blamed the kids for so much stuff that.

Was none of their fault. I would just get irritated when we would start when we would have them on the weekends. And that's not their fault. Like they're going back and forth and they live between two different households and they would come back to our house and we would have to almost like retrain them because they were different kids.

And so we had to like reassemble, like them back into our household and it was just so frustrating. And I mean that concept of just raising somebody else's kids was really hard for me, but then when I stepped away from the fact, like I'm not raising kids, I'm just a mentor to people that are going to go out into the world one day.

And that's really how I see myself now. I'm not a stepmother. I'm a mentor to these kids. I'm not their friend, I'm their accountability partner. I am their character builder. I am their support system. And that has made all the difference.

Damaged Parents: [00:28:38] Yeah, you're reminding me of a, I think it's a Kahlil Gibran poem that our children, in it, I want to say one of the lines is something similar to our children are not our children. I mean, for parents too, it's that? They're only ours for a moment and they're not even really ours they're going to be their own people.

And I think it's really interesting that you shifted into mentor mode and it brought them closer that instead of taking on this idea of what society, what you thought society expects or what society does expect, actually, that when you shifted to be true to yourself you were able to connect with them on a much deeper level.

Brittany McKnight: [00:29:17] Yeah, people are just naturally attracted to authenticity. Like they don't realize, it's like a magnet when you were being your true self people, the right people especially are attracted to you. And, these kids were not and my husband was not put into my life for a coincidence. They are, they were meant to be in my life.

And like, when I finally realized the role that I was supposed to play in that it all the puzzle pieces just like actually clicked together.

Damaged Parents: [00:29:42] Yeah.

And that doesn't mean that there aren't little struggles here and there and challenges, so now you're on the same team and you guys can address the struggle together instead of this argument about who's job it is, if that, does that make sense?

Brittany McKnight: [00:29:57] Yeah. It's much more clearly defined now. And the establishment of those boundaries was not restricted. It was more liberating. I mean, and it's hard to do that. Like, it was not easy. I mean, obviously, like I didn't realize that I had to do that until I became, till I came to this breaking point.

I think a lot of us do that. Like, we don't realize the change that we need to make because it subtly builds. But then one day that egg is gonna crack. And even when you get it to that point, it's still hard to make that decision. But. Like I said, when I stepped into the role or who I was really supposed to be, everybody was better off.

And at first it felt very selfish. It felt extremely selfish because at first I was like, I'm going to have all this extra time to do the things I want to do because you're right. Like these kids are not kids. Children are amazing and they are blessings to us, but they are not our purpose. Our purpose is to raise them, to go out into the world and help somebody else find their purpose.

But I can't let a child be my purpose, even if I do adopt my own child, because at the end of the day, my husband and I are still going to be the people left together. That child is going to leave us one day and go off and have his own, or her own husband or wife, or however that works out. Like, yeah, we can't put that much faith.

In that relationship with the child, but, and I realized that like stepping into that role, and even though it felt selfish at the time I look back now and was like, that was the most selfless thing I've done. I think since we've been married,

Damaged Parents: [00:31:22] And that alignment.  The fact that the alignment that everything came into alignment and made it better by setting a clear boundary and saying, no, that's not, I'm not doing that. And yes, this, I will do this. And I'm sure it was tough at first. And it was probably scary setting the boundary. Yeah.

Brittany McKnight: [00:31:40] Yeah. Yeah. Cause it was just, we were not I mean my husband and I both kinda had similar childhoods and we were not raised to make decisions like that. Like nobody taught us that stuff. So yeah, it was, yeah, it was hard. Yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:31:54] Yeah, especially if it's a foreign behavior

Brittany McKnight: [00:31:58] Yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:31:59] to set a boundary.

Brittany McKnight: [00:32:00] Yeah. And that's definitely where a lot of reading books and personal development came in and I'm an avid reader. And I had to start trusting some of this stuff I was reading.

Damaged Parents: [00:32:11] And practicing to right real life practice.

Brittany McKnight: [00:32:15] Yeah. So like one of the things that I do every day for myself just to become more of who I'm supposed to be is like, I want to find something every single day that scares me and run into it. And every single time I do that every single time I've ever thought about something that I didn't want to do because it scared me.

And then the awareness of that thought made me do it anyways. It always turned out to be the exact thing I was supposed to do that day. Always. So I'll look for that opportunity to be scared every day.

Damaged Parents: [00:32:43] So somethings scares you every day.

Brittany McKnight: [00:32:46] Yeah. Yeah. Something more, most recently is, I was invited to join this mastermind group, which was going to be a huge investment for my business. And I had never made an investment like that before. And I was having all this mind drama about it and this indecision, and I was trying to think of like, who could I talk to about this?

And then I realized, like I have to go to the source. I have to go to the person that invited me about this, the person that I have to make this investment to. And I have to quit avoiding her and. I didn't want to reach out to her because I was scared. And I was like, why am I scared? And when I came to that awareness that I was scared to reach out to her, I immediately reached out to her and we talked on the phone and it changed the complete landscape of my day.

But I, that I have opportunities like that every single day, reaching out to clients giving people hard answers that it's really hard to deliver just doing that. It always it's exactly what they needed. It's exactly what I needed. And I look for those opportunities every single day. And it's made me better ever since.

Damaged Parents: [00:33:48] I love that idea it sounds like. Because you're looking for the things that might scare you. You're also more willing because of how you've set it up to have the difficult conversations that maybe a lot of people wouldn't have, because they're going to avoid that, that feeling more than address it.

So you actually gave yourself away to address it.

Brittany McKnight: [00:34:12] Yeah, I mean, challenge gives us purpose. What I mean to me, the end of life is when you're no longer able to grow. And if I don't challenge myself every day, I might as well consider it the end of my life. Like, what is my purpose here? We're so interconnected. I don't see, we are our own individual selves, but to think that our choices and actions don't affect other people.

Is a lie. And if I'm not challenging myself to go out and do things that is going to enhance somebody else's life, then I have no purpose. And so I seek out those opportunities every single day.

Damaged Parents: [00:34:49] That's fantastic. I love that. I just mostly love the looking for something that scares me.

Brittany McKnight: [00:34:56] Yeah. I mean, it can sound really negative when you think about that, but it really requires a lot of awareness of the things that you think about. And I mean, I remember back when being on camera used to scare the crap out of me and six months ago, and then I made it a point on like every single day I would get on Instagram and do a story every single day until I was no longer scared of it.

And, you know, once I got past that fear, then it wasn't even something I had to think about anymore. It was just so like passive. Like now it's nothing for me to be on video and I can go out and focus my energy on something else.

Damaged Parents: [00:35:35] Yeah. I guess I don't, I hadn't really thought of it that way before.

Brittany McKnight: [00:35:39] Yeah. Yeah.  I mean, it really is empowering and like, you know, I share a lot of confirmation.  I only allow myself to get internal confirmation. But you know, sometimes that external communication from people just really further solidifies that like I'm doing the right thing. So I would share stuff on Instagram stories and people respond to my stories and it just confirms like people are listening to what I have to say.

Like, this is why I needed to chase that fear to get on video because somebody needed to hear what I had to say.

Damaged Parents: [00:36:10] Yeah.

Brittany McKnight: [00:36:11] Oh, my gosh, I have the randomest people that like, I'm just, people that you'll, be friends with on Facebook or Instagram. And you, like, you don't even know how you met this person.

And then all of a sudden, like six years later, they're responding to you.  Saying that something you said on social media, like really was exactly what they needed to hear. You never know where it's going to come from. You really just have to trust the process. I mean, that is such a cliche thing to say, but it's cliche for a reason because it's true.

Isn't that annoying

Damaged Parents: [00:36:41] it's totally annoying.

Brittany McKnight: [00:36:42] it's just, yeah. I mean, the things that we were just so interconnected, it's just so fascinating. Like humanity is so weird.

Damaged Parents: [00:36:51] Yeah, it sounds like, I mean, I just, from yours, sorry, what I heard was this very alone, childhood and growing up very, very much have to do it on your own. And now what I'm hearing that you've created and that you enjoy is just all this connection and love for the human experience and for the people around you to get to enjoy that human experience, whatever that looks like.

And to me that's fascinating it doesn't sound like it was a clear line and it also doesn't sound like it was something that just happened in a day or in a moment.

Brittany McKnight: [00:37:26] No. Yeah, it's taken a long time and I mean, like to me, people are the most important thing in the world. Like there's nothing more important. And um, you know, I focus on money a lot and people think that. I've really gotten away from this concept. That money is bad because, we grew up with no money.

And so it's weird to be in this place now where I don't really have to worry about it. And I used to feel so bad about that but the thing is like when I go out and spend money and I'm working to have more and do more with my life. I'm not spending money, I'm recycling money. I'm giving my money to somebody else to help them enhance their life and do more with their life.

you know, Money is just a good way of the value that we provide. And it's just like, because a lot of my practice focuses on the mindset around that and it's just like, people are the most important thing. And I really good way to be able to show them that they are the most important thing is through money.

And whether that's an experience or giving them money or help them find ways to make money just to further enhance who they are. And just realizing that and it's yeah. Cause when you say it like that, when I think back to when I was a kid I can't really see a connection to why I think the way I do now, I'd say in about 10 years, I'm really going to be able to get into a deeper root of my mindset about that.

I think that, I just remember there was so much selfishness in alcoholism and the fighting and the chauvinism. And I want to get as far away from selfishness as possible.

Damaged Parents: [00:38:51] So you were able to shift because you are someone who's become successful financially it sounds like what happened is you were able to, you felt bad about having the money at first, and then you're able to shift that to how you could use it to help other people in some ways or how spending it was helpful to other people.

Brittany McKnight: [00:39:14] Yeah. And I think a lot of the words that we use around money are just very restrictive and condemning. So like a lot of times, so I've shifted the word from like spending to recycling because. To me spinning is just like using money to a dead end. And it's just like, we buy this thing or this service.

And then that's all the places that it goes, but that's not the case. We're taking that money and we're giving it to somebody else. And whether they use it the way they should or not is not any of my business. But I do believe that if I'm paying for something, somebody is benefiting from that. Whether I brought product or service or I'm investing in myself and I'm paying another coach or something like that.

I'm recycling that money. And I used to feel like if I made more money, I was taking from somebody else. But the universe is infinite. All like money's infinite. Like there's no debt into it. None. If it leaves my hands, it goes into somebody else's. If money comes into my hands it's because it was supposed to, like, somebody was willing to allow me to do that.

And it's enhanced my life and it's allowed me to enhance other people's lives. So I don't feel bad about it anymore. I think that maybe just because it used to be so foreign to me and it was so new because I never grew up with it. I just didn't know what to think about it. And I think that our society and our culture makes us feel bad for wanting more and for having more especially in, Christian faith that really believes that that is really condemned to want to have more.

And I don't believe that at all. And so I, I don't feel bad about it at all. Yeah. I've completely changed my mindset about money and myself.

Damaged Parents: [00:40:41] That's really interesting, that idea of recycling money. I mean, we recycle a lot of other things, clothes, bottle, you know, plastics.

Brittany McKnight: [00:40:51] yeah. I mean, think about like Goodwill. I mean, how many times do people freely give stuff to Goodwill? And some people look down on them because they take free stuff and they resell it, but they're not just taking free stuff and reselling it. They're taking free stuff and they're selling it so that they can pay people.

And so that they can create jobs and they can enhance the wellbeing of more people. I mean, it's all about your perception of it. It's not about the money itself. Money is just a thing. It's just how you think about it.

Damaged Parents: [00:41:22] Yeah, which I think that would be really a really difficult concept for people who, who are lower middle class or even lower class lower middle-class. So if someone is in that situation, And they're listening. What, what would help them shift that mindset?

Brittany McKnight: [00:41:39] When I was there, because we've certainly just. Uh, shifting my mindset. I can see the accumulation of our financial, like just wealth and not just in terms of money, but time and money. I can look back at my mindset, set mind set shift, and it was really just realizing what do I value versus what am I spending my money on?

And why do I have these feelings about money when it's just a thing? And a lot of it was rooted in this scarcity that I've had as a kid, because we never had what, I mean, I remember looking at people's houses and I wanted to live like that. And we always lived in trailers and I got mad at other people for having more things, but that wasn't their fault.

And a lot of. The place that we were in when I was in my teens and my early twenties and not having money was not because I couldn't have it. It was because I was placing my value in the wrong things. And as a result of that, my resources were used wrong. And so I think being, being in those positions when you're really in lower middle-class and either.

Decide that where you are is completely your choice. And nobody has done that to you because I assume that for a long time and you have a power to change it it won't be overnight. And to be okay with that and just be consistent and persistent, but also be aware of the values that you have versus how are you allocating your resources.

And that's really critical. I think.

Damaged Parents: [00:43:09] Yeah.

because are we maybe consuming instead of saving and what's a want, what's a want versus a need. And how is that in line with my values is what you're saying. Like, how

do I align that?

Brittany McKnight: [00:43:23] I mean, you have an example and this is a very common one that I run across with clients is that they say that they want to start a business and they just don't have the money to do it. And then we sit down and we look at their financial information and we'll look back at the last three to six months and they're spending two and $300 a month on going out to eat when they have food at home and they have a huge grocery budget.

But they have no savings account established for this business. And either you just think that you want that because you saw a bright, shiny object somewhere, or you just didn't realize that you were miss allocating your resources. And a lot of the times it's just that awareness around. Oh, I didn't realize I was spending all my money here is all that people need.

And then sometimes, on rare occasion, it is that people just thought that's what they wanted. And they didn't realize the work that was going to go into it.

Damaged Parents: [00:44:16] Right.

Brittany McKnight: [00:44:17] And like, I can't, those people it's hard to work with because it's like, you have to be willing to put in the work. It's hard to explain to people that you can not appreciate something that you don't work for. You just can't. And gifts are amazing. And when they come with like the, depending on who they come from and what they're from and stuff like that, that's one thing.

But like, You can't just expect to build a business overnight and like, you would appreciate it as if you'd been working on it for years. It's just not going to happen. But I mean, there's just so much money. Like I said, money is just a thing. And another thing is like, people that have this scarcity mindset around money.

I see a lot of times too, is that because they have this scarcity mindset and they tell themselves that they're never going to have enough money. They manifest that through that thought. And because you think you're never going to have any well, you, your money will find ways to leave you because of that thought.

Damaged Parents: [00:45:08] Right.

Brittany McKnight: [00:45:08] Yeah. Manifestation is real.

Damaged Parents: [00:45:11] I'm going to agree with you on that one, for sure. For sure. Oh man, I'm really enjoying, I mean, there's so much about money and in how we can.  ourselves financially disable ourselves, if you will. I mean, we can really cripple ourselves if I could come up with so many words,

Brittany McKnight: [00:45:30] yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:45:31] when it comes to money and the belief around money, like it one, I think one thing that I might say is, well, we're not spending money on that right now.

Instead if we don't have money for that, or, Like that little shift of just a tiny shift makes such a huge difference or I'm not going to

Brittany McKnight: [00:45:49] Yeah. And I recently had a post about, what you can afford versus what you value, because we're very intentional about how we say that to our kids too, is like, we have money for a lot of things, but we don't value those things. Things. And so we don't spend our money on it. And I use this circumstance of like, somebody says they can't afford a new vehicle, but what if your child gets hurt and you have to take them to the hospital, you're not going to worry about what that costs because you value your child.

You will find a way to pay for it. You always find a way because you value your child. It's not that you couldn't afford it. It seemed based on your current circumstances. It seemed impossible, but you find a way when you're motivated. So it's not what you can afford. It's what you value.

Damaged Parents: [00:46:34] Yeah. A friend of mine tells a story about the grocery story. And I think this is so relatable on so many levels. They had seen the other friend in the grocery store and they looked in their cart and in that person's cart, they had something that they really wanted know like, man, I wish I could afford that.

And that person looks in their cart and like, well, I wish I could afford that.

Brittany McKnight: [00:46:57] Yeah. I mean, think about it like when we don't have money for, and I've been in these situations, so I can definitely attest to this, but I mean, I know that when I was. Single that I would be in situations making less than a thousand dollars a month on a server's income. And I had to pay bills, but if my friend had like a weekend getaway on a boat somewhere, all of a sudden, like I was gonna find a way to make money, to be able to go on that trip because like I would work extra or I'm going to go do some kind of, I'm going to clean somebody's house randomly.

Like I'll find a way to be able to go and have fun. So you can, yeah, you always find a way for something that. That rolls up emotion in you?

Damaged Parents: [00:47:34] Yeah. well, I really enjoyed our conversation and we're at that point in the podcast, right? Ask three tips or tools or things people can do. We could have talked about them already or not that people could walk away from this podcast with and have something to think about or do for their, to make their world a better place.

Brittany McKnight: [00:47:53] Yeah. Hmm. Number one awareness of your thoughts is number one. That is where everything starts with your life. It's the things you think it's the choices you make. So I would definitely say like, start thinking about the things you think about and why do you think about those? And find something that scares or challenges you every day, if you don't like that word scares use use that, just find something that challenges you every day, because that makes the world better.

When you challenge yourself, it just, it benefits other people and people are the most important thing in the world. And just kind of going back to that thing that. Life does not happen to you your life to, if you're listening to this podcast, that was a choice that you made. Whatever you're doing, every single thing is a choice.

Now, there are definitely things that happen to us, but you choose how to move on from that point. And just being intentional about that just makes a huge difference in the trajectory of your life. So awareness and be challenged and, just. Think about that, just run into that fear.

Damaged Parents: [00:49:00] Yeah, we'll go with that. Run into it.

Brittany McKnight: [00:49:03] Yeah. I run into it. Run into everything. a marathon. Just keep running. Okay. I know. Yeah. Yeah. Follow the footsteps of Forrest Gump. He was a good man.

Damaged Parents: [00:49:14] Thank you so much Britney for being on the show.

Brittany McKnight: [00:49:17] Awesome It's so funny. I just want to add real quick that I'm actually in a big coaching group with other people and we have our meetings on every Tuesday and our challenge this week was to be on three podcasts. And so I got a jumpstart.

Damaged Parents: [00:49:31] Hallelujah.

Brittany McKnight: [00:49:33] Yeah, this is the first time being interviewed. So that's really awesome.

Damaged Parents: [00:49:37] , you did great. And this has just been a great conversation and I'd love your perspective of, people. I mean, it's almost like in what I'm getting from you is people are the currency, not the money, the money, the money's there, but it's the people that we surround ourselves with.

And I just love that the story of, of going from independent to so freaking connected

Brittany McKnight: [00:50:03] Oh yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:50:04] Because that would be, uh, I think it could be scary to connect and gain that support and be vulnerable. And, and yet here you are. And that's what it's about.

Brittany McKnight: [00:50:16] Vulnerability. That's a word we didn't use, but man vulnerability is, yeah, that's definitely huge, but people are the, they are the number one thing. They are the beginning and the end. 

 Damaged Parents: [00:50:26] Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We really enjoyed talking to Brittany about how she learned to have a healthy relationship with money. We especially liked when she talked about recycling money instead of spending it or wasting it. To unite with other damaged people, connect with us on Facebook. Look for damaged parents.

We'll be here next week. Still relatively damaged. See you then.