Episode 91: Rising Above the Hurt and Pain
Dr. Marty K. Casey
Dr. Marty K. Casey wants everyone to know we can’t change what happened to use. We can only Change how we feel about it!
Social media and contact information:
Dr. Marty K. Casey
Marty_k_casey IG
Podcast Transcript:
Damaged Parents: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents where traumatized dysfunctional, unnoticed people come to learn. Maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged. Someone once told me it's safe to assume 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way.
I would venture to say it's closer to 100%. Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about. In my ongoing investigation of the damaged self, I want to better understand how others view their own challenges.
Maybe it's not so much about the damage, maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it. There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience? My hero is the damaged person. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side, whole those who stared directly to the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover their purpose.
These are the people who inspire me to be more fully me. Not in spite of my trials, but because of them, let's hear from another hero. Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advice. The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them.
Today, we're going to talk with Dr. Marty K. Casey. She has many roles in her life, mother, wife, daughter, sister, auntie, grandmother, and more. We'll talk about how her biggest struggle was recovering from childhood trauma and how she found health and healing. Let's talk.
Welcome to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. Today we have with us Dr. Marty K Casey, with the unguninstitute.com and her nonprofit showmeartsacademy.com. And she's also a one woman show performer of It's Not a Man's World. Welcome to the show.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:02:23] Thank you. Thank you so much, Angela. I just want. Just throw this in here in the very beginning, most people are coming to, to, find out about me through my business, ungun Institute. I'm also the owner and creator of that as well. So it's a kind of a wide range if you're looking for me. So I want to make sure that they can find me.
Damaged Parents: [00:02:41] Oh, yes. I thank you so much for pointing that out. It's always best to help listeners find you.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:02:49] absolutely.
Damaged Parents: [00:02:51] We want it to be found. That's the important thing, even when we're talking about the struggle and that's actually, what part of the Ungun Institute does, right.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:02:59] Absolutely. That is correct. So anytime you're talking about, being relatively damaged, there's a song that says I once was lost. But now I'm found and that's from amazing grace. And I want to challenge our listeners today to have some grace for themselves. Our past does not define who we are, where we're going.
Damaged Parents: [00:03:21] sure doesn't. It sure doesn't. So we are here today to talk a little bit about your struggle and what happened to you and how you were able to find hope and courage along the way. So if you would start your journey, your story, your once upon a time, and I will ask you questions and then hopefully what we'll do is we'll round back to the business.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:03:44] Sure. Well, let me start here. If I could give this a title, I would title this today. Trauma is transferable. And trauma is transferable. Simply because it's an energy that we produce, after an event has happened, the way that I like to describe the events that makes it easier for people to remember, if you will go with me and look at this as being a trauma bullet, how many times have you been shot with a trauma bullet in your life?
For some it's been at birth, others has been through childhood and and then some just as soon as yesterday, and so trauma, you never see it coming. It catches you off guard. Now you can see trauma developing in some cases. And in my case, it was, I suffer from chronic trauma.
That means that there have been reoccurance of trauma bullets throughout my lifetime, but I want to take it back to when I first began to understand that, there was some effects in my life and that was in, in my childhood. I was a daddy's girl. And I, love my mom and my dad. My mother is still alive.
My father is not. Well, my father, unfortunately was an alcoholic, simply put, he was an alcoholic and the effects of how he was dealing with his own trauma that was transferred and passed out to him through his father. He had taken out those issues on my mother and their marriage and my brother and I, we so often watch them unravel.
It became disfunction. It became very toxic in the home. A lot of arguments, a lot of physical fighting, a lot of cursing out and just things that children really should not be accustomed to, and when I say that you become accustomed to that trauma, when it becomes a part of your household, you expect it.
You already know when it's going to come. You can see the look on someone's face. You can see the body language change, and you may say to your friends, Hey, come on, let's go outside and play. You kind of interrupting that because you can see that tornado brewing. Well, that's what I grew up with.
And. It became so bad that it had effects on my brother and I, and you don't even realize that you have been touched by it until it starts to show up in your relationships. So I want to fast forward a little bit, being a little girl, seeing this. My mother was, eight years old. When I found my mother face down in the floor where she had tried to commit suicide and I had to call 911
Damaged Parents: [00:06:16] And you're eight years old.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:06:17] I was eight years old.
Damaged Parents: [00:06:19] Were you terrified in that moment? What feelings happened for you?
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:06:22] I think I froze. I think I did what most people do when a traumatic event happens. It's like, Oh my goodness, am I really looking at this? My mom hurt. I stopped breathing. It was like, mom, mom, mom, and instantly it's been programmed in you. If something happens, something's wrong, you can't handle call 911.
So thank goodness that that wasn't, embedded in me. I had enough sense, and courage to call nine one one in that moment. And they were able to come and treat my mother. She obviously she had to go through some psychiatric treatment thereafter and I'm sharing that part of it because I want you to understand.
That the person that is really dealing with the trauma in that moment, which was truly my mother, but it was transferrable because when I found her and the result of how she was dealing with her trauma, it then affected me.
Damaged Parents: [00:07:19] So you had your own trauma
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:07:22] I had my own trauma inside of her trauma, inside of hers. And so here, she's going to the psychiatrist to the, doctor to be treated.
But what about the children? What treatment did we receive? We just got to go down to my grandmother's house and, stay there for the summer. You know what I mean? And just play outside all day. But what do you do with that hurt and pain. Hurt people, hurt people, healed people, heal people.
That's my model. And we'll get to that in just a little bit of where I use that now today in, my life. But I'm sharing that to say. I was literally affected by what I had witnessed with my mother and how she was dealing with the trauma that my father inflicted on her from the trauma, his father inflicted on him.
Damaged Parents: [00:08:11] I really love how you point out the chain of events, if you will. To show that it is transferable. He did that because of so-and-so mom did this because of dad that you experience a trauma because of mom, that when someone that we love experienced trauma, we also may experience our own trauma from that trauma.
And I'm wondering if I'm thinking you've worked with so many people that. The feeling of the person who's not in the trauma specifically might have this sense of, well, I shouldn't be feeling this way or, I should be something else. We get into those shoulds what are your thoughts on that?
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:08:58] Sometimes you don't even know what questions to ask or you don't even. And know what you're feeling, you're just responding to it. And that was the situation. In my case, when that happened, I was eight years old, fast forward. Here I am in high school. The hurt from the result of that is still showing up in me.
So now I, my temporary shorts, my Relationships were being damaged. They were not lasting simply because I was pulling from some emotional overwhelmingness of how was feeling, and I didn't know how to express that. And you have to put that somewhere. You have to work on that somehow.
So my mother received the help that she needed to work on herself, but here the children, myself and my brother, we were left trying to deal with the baggage. So in high school, I remember having an outburst or an issue, I should say with a teacher who had offended me, she had in my opinion, she had totally disrespected me as a student, and a human being.
And even as a black person and I responded. Versus me handling it in a way that I believe I would handle it now, I handled it with what I was shown and taught and what was it? I was exposed to. I handled it with physical violence and I hit my teacher, I was instantly expelled for 90 days from this particular institution.
And I knew sitting at home for 90 days. I would not graduate on time. So now I told my mother, I said, I'm dropping out. I'm dropping out of high school. I'm not, no, I'm not going back. They're not letting me back in. And so I'm not going to sit at home for 90 days, go back. And I don't graduate with my class.
My mother says, that's not an option. You're going to graduate. So my mother moved us from across town, from one district to a different district. Now, here I am now in a different environment. And it was like night and day. It was, I mean, seriously, it was a night and day environment, but it was exactly what I needed.
It was almost as if I was trying to. Before the other school breathe in very polluted air, the same issues that I was experiencing probably at home, those other students was experiencing at home. That trauma being transferable, here's a teacher trying to teach in the environments of individuals that do not know how to, uh, trying to teach individuals who don't necessarily She doesn't necessarily relate to their environment.
So it became toxic for her to come to work, her response, she responded and trauma, we responded to it. So here we go. So what I call that whole process of what I'm explaining right now, and I came up with this is ever, since COVID, If we're looking at those who have been exposed to, to, to COVID and we're tracing that in terms of who has been exposed to COVID and how they can affect others around them.
Well, imagine trauma tracing, imagine trauma tracing a matter. Go ahead
Damaged Parents: [00:12:21] I think what you're saying is that similar to how COVID spreads, you get one person gets it. So let's say one person gets traumatized trauma slash COVID
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:12:33] Yup.
Yup. Got
Damaged Parents: [00:12:36] then we've all most I, well, I've definitely seen where that one person goes somewhere and infects X amount of people. I can't remember all the numbers.
And then though all those people go and it starts increasing exponentially. And so what I hear you saying is the same thing happens with trauma. We don't even realize it for infecting other people.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:12:59] Yeah, it's the trauma tracing. So in, doing that here, I found myself in that other environment, I'm coming from my household. That's been affected. I'm coming into an environment with other children. Coming from households that probably have been affected. And here we have teachers coming from, maybe a different dynamic.
I'm just assuming, let's just say her life was great and peaches and sunshine. Right. But she comes into an environment that's toxic. So therefore she is now effected. And so the way that that tornado happens in that trauma, you get caught up in that. And so here I am, I got removed. Okay. I caught COVID and then I got better.
And then I got moved over to another environment. And in this environment, nobody has COVID. And you're not seeing that trauma tornado whipped through this school. And I was like, Oh, I can breathe without a mask.
And I couldn't believe the fresh air that I was taking in on a daily basis. So shortly after there was a young lady who, if you will, for the sake of the story, she called trauma and she finds me and she's about to infect me again. And I responded, like I would normally respond I'm back to the physical fight of it, because that's how I've learned to cope.
And my teacher, my music teacher pulled me aside and she says, Marty, I know what happened to you at the other school. And you're now at a new school and you're thriving, but it's almost as if you're being attracted to others who operate in the same manner that you are accustomed to. You are gifted young lady and doors will open for you, but they will close as quick as they open.
If you don't change, what's going on the inside. I am still friends today on Facebook with my music teacher, simply because she saved my life with those words. She gave me an opportunity to breathe, to receive the COVID shot and not be subject to being affected by this trauma. That was all around me because there are so many people that have been traumatized.
And when they're triggered, they respond in different ways. They shrink or they fight back or, they hurt other people in some manner, they pick up a gun and they just blast and open, a fire in spaces to people that they don't even know in it. And you ask yourself, why would you do that?
What makes someone do that? It's simply because the trauma is so overwhelming that it then turns to violence and the violence continues to add on to the hurt and pain of humanity.
Damaged Parents: [00:15:51] And I also heard you say it, or the teacher said it, that you were almost attracted to that trouble. So knowing the trauma or knowing what it felt like to live in that trauma, maybe that was just known. So this new way of being wasn't. Although you were trying, maybe it just wasn't as easy to live that way yet.
Like you still had to practice
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:16:17] I had to practice and I had to be exposed to something new. You become addicted to friction. I come from a father who was an alcoholic. I don't drink still to this day. I'm 50 years old. I do not drink because I know the end results of that, right. For me. And there's no judgment on anyone else who chooses to make whatever decisions they make.
I'm only speaking for myself. However, I was still drunk on disfunction.
Damaged Parents: [00:16:45] I liked that saying I was still drunk on disfunction
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:16:48] I don't drink, but I was still drunk on disfunction.
Damaged Parents: [00:16:52] But yeah, like you almost get a high from it.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:16:56] The hive. I'm going to use that as an analogy. My mother had taken these pills to try to end her life right. And I don't get high, but I was still high from the hurt and pain of what my mother attempted to do to her own life.
Damaged Parents: [00:17:16] Right
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:17:16] because trauma's transferable
Damaged Parents: [00:17:19] So help me make this differentiator. Or if there is even a differentiation here, the trauma could be an alcoholic family. It could be a loss or a disability. It could be a family member has cancer. It could be like, I'm thinking when you say trauma, it is not just related to living in a dysfunctional family.
I mean,
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:17:41] No, not at all. I'm just only speaking from my, where it started with me. What trauma is any disruption that causes you hurt and pain and it basically your emotional tracks suffers instantly. It can be from a car accident. It could be from the loss of a family member. You can only determine what has been traumatizing to you because you felt it, your mind, body and spirit told you this was traumatic.
This triggered you, or this will continue to trigger you. That is only, you can determine that.
Damaged Parents: [00:18:18] Oh, so only I can determine by what happens in my life. If it's trauma, no one else gets to decide for me. If the trauma I felt was, Oh, that's not a big deal. Or you should just get over it
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:18:37] Absolutely not. They cannot. Angela who can tell you how you feel today.
Damaged Parents: [00:18:41] yeah, not nobody except for me.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:18:43] nobody can tell you how you feel today. Now you can go to the doctor right now because let's just assume and saying, you're not feeling well, you're having some symptoms and you can describe to this doctor, this is what I'm feeling.
And then because of that doctor's background, they can say, well, you're showing signs of this or that let's run a couple of tests and let's see if that's really what it is so they can probe and kind of dig into, and maybe giving informative, opinion on what you're feeling, but nobody, sweetheart, no one in this world can describe or feel what you are feeling on the inside.
If we really understood that if we took ownership of our feelings and unapologetically. Be willing to say to others, I'm not feeling well. We can make all the difference in the world and showing up and helping somebody in real time.
Damaged Parents: [00:19:40] Yeah. And I think that ability to say that without being in a way where with safe people, if you will, so that I'm validated. Or the person is validated in that. Oh yeah. That really sucks to be in that position right now and not go to the person who's going to say, well, suck it up, buttercup. That was nothing you can do better.
Or you're so strong. You can just, blaze right through this. I mean, it seems like so much of even what you're saying is tied to how people respond and even the language and how we talk to ourselves.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:20:20] We truly need to normalize the ownership of others being able to say I'm hurt. And we not judge them and we not shunned them and we not push them away and we not try to call it something else because that just doesn't fit in our agenda today. I don't want to hear that. You're not feeling good because we have so much, we need to do, everybody's got to push.
No, we need to normalize that they can have that ownership of how they feel. Because we would much rather do that then to keep allowing people to hold it in and hope that they can hold it up and not go around hurting other people in the process because they needed to let it go.
Damaged Parents: [00:21:08] Like something really happens when you say I'm hurting to someone else, like there is even just from your movements with your hands, which are the listeners can't see it, it seems like when someone says I'm hurting, like I saw like a sweep down that there's a release that happens just by voicing that emotion exists.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:21:30] That comes from first. Well, two things, I'm a professional actor. So I'm always about using my body emotions to speak, even when I'm not saying anything. So I'm, over-exaggerated in that area. I apologize.
Thank
Damaged Parents: [00:21:42] apologize. It helps me understand.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:21:45] goodness. They can't see all of this because yeah, it looks like I'm conducting an orchestra or about to land an airplane.
But anyway,
Damaged Parents: [00:21:52] great. If it was a visible visual podcast, I think it would be fantastic because it actually is another form of communication in my mind. So I'm good with it.
That's why I point out pointed out when, at what I saw with your body language. Because I think in that body language, in that sweepy motion, you were saying more than just those words.
And I wanted to see if I interpreted that correctly.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:22:20] You did interpret that correctly. And the bottom line is that's the letting go. The downward motion is to just let it go because it's almost as if you're holding something heavy and it's about to drop. At some point, you have to just let it go. You have to let it.
Damaged Parents: [00:22:41] And that's hard.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:22:42] Why? Why is it hard? I'll tell you why it's hard
Damaged Parents: [00:22:45] Yeah, I was going to say, why is it hard and how do we do that?
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:22:49] Because I'm holding it up to keep this from being more damaged than what I'm feeling in this moment. And I feel like if I let it go, it will drop. And then it will shatter into millions of pieces. And I will never be able to recover from it. But how about you? Let it go. And others around you catch it.
Others help you to carry it. That's what I want us to get to a point in a place where we can see someone carrying something heavy and we show up as humans and we help them to carry it. That's the most important part.
Damaged Parents: [00:23:28] That's making me think Yeah, a girlfriend of mine that, you know, her daughter has cancer and she was already disabled the daughter. And now at this point, it's the best way for me to show up and lift where I stand or lift figuratively or I think that's where I worked figuratively is to just send her notes of love. That I'm thinking of you, I care about you and so yeah, maybe we could talk about a little bit of how that works in your life. Did you just get flowers?
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:24:03] I know I was like, I didn't want them to ring the doorbell. So I was trying to rush to get this. Is that beautiful?
Damaged Parents: [00:24:11] Those are gorgeous. I had lots of pinks and whites and greens.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:24:15] my God. This is so gorgeous. I can't even, okay. So I'm here with, I'm hearing the con I'm concentrating again.
So
can you repeat a little bit of that for
Damaged Parents: [00:24:25] Yeah, I think it was, I was, I was saying, how do we do that? How do we make sure we're surrounding ourselves with people that can be supportive? And, and what I had told, what I, the story I had told was I've got a friend of mine, her daughter disabled. Doesn't talk. I can never remember the, the thing, but she's like 34.
This child was not supposed to live. She's amazing. I think she totally knows what's happening in the world. My friend though. The best way for me to support her is just to send her notes of love because right now she's, I don't think she's ready to for more. Right. And, and so I, my way of lifting where I stand is to do that and I'm thinking.
Because I think that's also something that needs to be talked about. Yes. We need to reach out and yes. How do we support in a loving way? Because sometimes I think people think support in a loving way is telling somebody how to fix their problem or take over for them or, I mean, I think you see where I'm going with that.
What are your thoughts?
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:25:30] Absolutely. Well, I really think that me say this, this is not a one size fits all. So you really have to look at the situation. Look at all of the, uh, I guess all of the, the points of who we're responding to. Uh, one of the things that sticks out to me is that you just, you just stated that your, your friend's daughter she doesn't really communicate, uh, on the same, on the same level.
So that, that is going to limit how you will then respond to show her help. And to give her the help that she needs, because the one thing that you don't want to do is for your help to be triggering to her and even more traumatic Because I have a nephew who has autism, and I just experienced that.
Even this, just this past weekend, he has very good input, very limited in the output, but emotionally he feels everything he still feels in. So therefore he responds and when he has When that level of frustration arises, where he's trying to communicate something and he cannot, and it looks as if no one's understanding what it is he's feeling, and he's trying to convey the frustration rises in him.
So we, we have to, we have to look at, we had to map all of that out before we can just offer help to, uh, individuals. And that's not just in those who may be dealing with, with, with Mental issues or even, uh, disabilities or whatever the case may be. This is just because we can't look at someone and determine what they've been through.
We don't know everyone's story. I have no clue what happened to you yesterday. I definitely don't know what happened to you when you were little and you, and you have no clue pertaining to me. So I say the safest way to deal with that is to communicate. Simply organically build relationships with each other and show a form of appreciation and, and communication to say that I love you that this came from a friend because I helped a friend over the weekend through unguent Institute.
And so now they're sending me flowers. What? That communication shows me, Dr. Marty, we appreciate you. That lands somewhere with me. So versus, negative, toxic energy being stuck on the inside of me. Now I have this, the love has compacted where those trauma bullets have been removed. We're now packing that with love.
Damaged Parents: [00:28:11] I like that visual and more packing those trauma bullets, where they were removed with love.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:28:18] Wow, positive love creativity re raising the vibration of appreciation and all of those things, anything positive that we can find we can use to pack the wound.
Damaged Parents: [00:28:33] That's fantastic. So in hacking those ones though, too, I'm also thinking that difficult conversations are going to come up and. Based on what I was hearing, I'm thinking with, with traumas and things, there's actually more of an avoidance, like when you were talking about holding the heavy brake or whatever it was, the heavy problem.
And then, and then being afraid to drop it, maybe that could also signify being afraid to have that conversation. So how do people even start. To get to that point of having those difficult conversations that are so uncomfortable and those emotions go sky high.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:29:12] If I had a, a one sentence response for that, then I would not have had to create unguents. I created this system of ongoing because we really don't have a lot of safe spaces to come to. Sometimes the people that we would normally reach out to help us in our situations somewhat may have been the same pulling from the same pool of people that heard us.
So we almost need to create another platform that allows people to safely, uh, come into a place in a space to do the work
Damaged Parents: [00:29:50] so where they could practice those tools.
Is that what
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:29:52] practice well, you can practice the tools anywhere, but you have to first know what the tools are. And so that's what, that's those tools. Some of those tools are built inside my system, and I'm sure that there are so many other, there are so many other modalities and systems and other things that are being offered.
But when I look at it in general of like, Psychiatrists and psychologists, or what have you, there's so many stigmas that are attached to that, and you have a lot of cultures and communities that feel like, and I'll just be honest, black men, black men, specifically, they did not grow up. Uh, being encouraged to go and talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist somewhat outside of their, their culture or their family about things that they'd be dealing with.
I can't even imagine my father's father or my father going to a psychiatrist or a psychologist just based off of, of how they were raised. Right. I want the generator. I have a grant, I have two grand sons. So I want my grandsons to know there is no judgment on how you feel everybody has feelings.
And if you're feeling something that doesn't feel right in your mind, your body and spirit, I want you to be able to go in on gun. I want you to UNGASS and when we're talking about a gun, a lot of times people think we're, so are you infringing upon my second amendment? No, I'm not even speaking about a physical gun.
Do you realize anything can be a weapon? Anything can be a weapon and no weapon formed against you shall prosper, but you also have to do the work to make sure that you recognize those weapons when they are forming. No.
What's what
Damaged Parents: [00:31:39] are those tough feelings
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:31:41] it's those it's it's it could be, it could almost be anything people can literally today say something.
And because you don't know what I've experienced. You don't know, you just triggered me. You what you said, you, it was just came, from your heart. And it was what you were thinking, but you may not know that what I just experienced yesterday, you just triggered me and I should, and there has to be a way that I can make you aware of that.
And hopefully you have enough empathy and compassion for me. That you would say, Oh, I did know that that was offensive to Dr. Marty, but now that I know, and I do care about her, that I, I will refrain from triggering her any further and vice versa. You should be able to have the same opportunity Angela, to tell me how you feel. And it not continue to be offensive and everything doesn't have to be black and white, black and white makes great.
Damaged Parents: [00:32:41] Right.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:32:42] So to a certain extent, we need to learn to, to be able to adjust in those gray areas.
Damaged Parents: [00:32:49] Yeah. And how do you do that? I know one tool of, uh, replacing, but with, and, but maybe, and yet maybe you have other tools on how to live in the gray scale, or sometimes I jokingly say, well, forget the gray I'm I'm living in Technicolor.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:33:09] that's too funny. There's many different tools. And of course I teach all of this through my system of ongoing Institute and I'm not using this as a time to have a shameless plug, but I also don't come into these spaces and take the opportunity to share my story. Without some end result. And the end result is I have something that can be a very effective and that can help many, many different people across the board.
I do. I do workshops on good workshops. I just had one this past weekend last Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And I'm just giving you an idea. There was blacks, there was whites and Latinos in this workshop ranging from 21 to 88, where you tell me where there is. A workshop where people can come and safely speak about their hurt and pain throughout life with a 21 year old black boy and an 88 year old white woman.
And they both are laughing with each other and feel like family when it was over with you. Tell me where.
Damaged Parents: [00:34:10] I don't know.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:34:11] Yeah. And so I'm saying if you go to UNGASS institute.com, if you have a, uh, organization or a company, or even in your own family needs to be ongoing. Whomever and wherever that is, we can create and tailor a workshops specifically for that group of people.
And we can get people back to feeling like family back to getting their joy back. We, I just made a post the other day. Don't let anyone or anything steal your joy, including yourself. Sometimes we victimize ourselves. Because we don't give ourselves enough grace to say, I am not what I was. So I want to get a little bit back to the original story of what you asked me, referring to trauma, being transferable.
Right. We know if we trauma trace, it started with my grandfather, which trickled down to my father, which then trickled to my mother and my mother to me. And then where do you think it went with me as I was doing the work. I had to work on myself. I began to do the work and high school, but right after high school, I had my daughter at 20 and some of that trauma that was still inside of me, trickled down to my daughter.
I have completed the work so that I could complete this, this system of ongoing Institute. And now that my daughter has a son, the book stops there. I refuse. For this trauma to continue to keep trickling down through my family. My grandson lives here with me and his mom, my daughter too. But I'm saying that to say, because I am stepping up to do whatever is necessary to stop this trauma tracing in my own family.
Damaged Parents: [00:35:59] Yeah.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:36:00] made mistakes as a mother and I made mistakes, not just simply because of what I was affected by, but simply just from, from ignorance, just not knowing. Not knowing I was making a mistake. I'm sure if my mother looked back on it now and she realized, well, in the moments that she was working on herself, psychologically, she, if she knew the end results of how it was going to affect my brother and I, she would have told her doctor, no, no, no, no.
Don't worry about me. I'll figure it out. Please help my children. I know my mother would have done that, but she had no idea. That those affects was going to lead somewhere. It led my brother to doing two terms behind bars. And for me, because that high school teacher who was not infected, recognized how sick I was from the inside, she handed me a Mike Angela, and she said, Marty, your power.
And your will to do something different in your life is in your talent. It's in your gifts and talents through an Gunn. I use the arts to help people discover who they are and that's what she did for me. When she put a mic in my hand, I was able to open up my voice and sing. Now you don't have to move the mountain, but give me the straight him too.
Now don't you take away my stumble and blocks, but just . Now Lord, I don't bother nobody. I just try to treat everybody the same. When I turn my back to pain, they scan my name. I sang that song in high school. And I still sing that song today in moments that I need to remind myself that I am not my circumstances.
Damaged Parents: [00:38:02] No,
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:38:03] am not my past. I am not those things that affected me back then. I am healed. And so therefore I shell also heal others.
Damaged Parents: [00:38:18] I love that we are at that point in the podcast where I ask if you have three tips or tools or points that you absolutely want to make sure that listeners walk away from this podcast with.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:38:32] Wow. I want to say to you again, I want to share my motto. And that is hurt. People, hurt people, healed, people, heal people. And I want you to stop today and ask yourself as you're listening to this, what type of person are you? Are you in this space today? Hurting others because you are still hurt and there's no judgment.
Or are you standing in a place where you are healing others because you have been healed. And again, there's no judgment, but I want you to ask yourself because you have to understand that in order to do something different, if necessary, you have to know who you are. The other thing I want to say to you is meet people in the center because in the center, that's where you will find compassion, empathy, humanity, and courage. When you find yourself being triggered, getting upset. And anxiety is high and depression is low. And all of those things that cause us to just feel like I just can't take it, this thing, or this person is making me feel so bad. Go down that line and ask in the center. Where's my compassion for them. What type of empathy can I find for them?
How do I connect with them and humanity and how can I gain the courage to change how I feel in spite of how they treated me.
Damaged Parents: [00:40:18] I am so glad your message is so beautiful. Your singing was amazing. I'm so glad that I get to be honored and that I was chosen to get to share that with the world today. Thank you so much, Dr. Marnie, you can find her@ungassinstitute.com.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:40:37] Thank you Angela for having me. And thank you for continuously meeting others in the center.
Damaged Parents: [00:40:45] Here's an additional little tidbit that Dr. Marty wanted you to know.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:40:51] So one thing that I want to share about trauma and how it affected me, even in my body physically, is that I shared with you how my brother ended up having to go to jail. Twice in his life. And it was because the trauma had not been being dealt with well, 25 years ago, when something very traumatic happened to my brother, the result of it affected me.
And I didn't know it, I sing and I act, and so I was in a show and I started having some issues with my ear. Again. Because I had lost my hearing 25 years ago. So I went back to an ENT doctor and he retested me for what they thought I had was manure's disease, which, which is a rare disease. And the doctor said to me, Marty, I think you were misdiagnosed.
You don't, I'm not showing signs of you having the nears disease with the work that we have been able to do on it. Now that's not what what's happening to you, but I will say this. Something caused your hearing loss, what traumatically took place in your life around the time that you lost your hearing?
And I said, Oh wow. It was when my brother got into trouble and the police came to arrest my brother. He says, in that moment, do you remember specifically what happened? And I shared it with them. He says you had a stroke, the trauma caused your brain and my emotional track to shut down. And it caused me to have a mini stroke and that caused my hearing loss.
And because I did not within. 72 hours, get the attention that I needed for my hearing. Now think about it. My focus was on my brother and what happened to him. It wasn't on me physically. So even when all of that was happening, I didn't catch it because traumas transferrable. I was stuck on what was happening with my brother.
And in that process, I lost my hearing forever. I will never regain my hearing again.
Damaged Parents: [00:42:58] It's so amazing how the body can respond, how the body keeps the score as Bessel van der Kolk would say.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:43:05] Yes. It really, really does because my body was trying to match and protect myself mentally, mentally. I was losing it. And so in order for my body, remember when I was talking about holding onto this, sometimes you just have to let go. So my brain was trying to hold on to it
and when my brain let go, my body caught it and then I lost my hearing.
Damaged Parents: [00:43:31] Amazing. Thank you for sharing that.
Dr. Marty K. Casey: [00:43:33] Yes.
Damaged Parents: [00:43:34] Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We really enjoyed talking to Dr. Marty about how she recovered from childhood trauma. We especially liked when she shared the impact of trauma on her body. After all the body keeps the score. As Dr. Bessel van der Kolk would say.
To unite with other damaged people, connect with us on Facebook. Look for damaged parents. We'll be here next week still relatively damaged See ya then.
