Episode 73: Navigating Severe Trauma, Mental Health and Addiction
Lisa Jo Barr
Lisa Jo Barr is the CEO of GO FOR IT! COACHING, specializing in coaching those in recovery from mental health and/or addiction issues. She has lived in experience with both. She is a prolific writer working on 3 books and has been published in Chicken Soup for the Recovering Soul, Daily Inspirations. She loves to swim laps, travel internationally and paint. She lives in Denver, Colorado.
Social media and contact info.
GO FOR IT COACHING Facebook group
LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisa-jo-barr-41b63914/
Podcast Transcript:
Damaged Parents: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents. Where traumatized addicted, tormented people come to learn. Maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged. Someone once told me it's safe to assume. 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way. I would venture to say it's closer to 100%.
Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about. In my ongoing investigation of the damage itself, I want to better understand how others view their own challenges.
Maybe it's not so much about the damage, maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it. There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience? My hero is the damaged person. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side hole.
Those who stare directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover their purpose. These are the people who inspire me to be more fully me. Not in spite of my trials, but because of them, let's hear from another hero. Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advice. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them.
Today, we're going to talk with Lisa Jo Barr. She has many roles in her life. Sister daughter, cousin, aunt, and more. We'll talk about how she struggled with mental health, severe trauma and addiction let's talk
Welcome Lisa Jo Barr to Relatively Damaged. And yes, we are laughing because we are talking about saying so, so we're just going to get it out of our systems and say so, so, so, so, so, so,
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:02:06] Oh, so-so we are so ready.
Damaged Parents: [00:02:09] Welcome. Welcome.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:02:11] Thank you.
Damaged Parents: [00:02:12] Thank you for coming onto the show. I'm so grateful that you're here to share your story.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:02:17] I'm honored to be here, Angela.
Damaged Parents: [00:02:19] I'm so glad now you are the CEO for Go for It coaching. Tell us why go for it, or what is it about that statement?
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:02:31] Well, go for, it means to. Go outside of your comfort zone and take the bull by its horns and really move forward with your dreams and your goals, or at least be willing to do so and explore what blockage is there and to burst through it.
Damaged Parents: [00:02:51] Okay. So maybe it sounds like go for it. In a way is a way to say step through those fears.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:03:00] Yes. Step through and beyond.
Damaged Parents: [00:03:03] Okay. And you're there to help.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:03:06] Yes I act almost like a tour guide, just guiding, but not doing the work for someone or giving them some guidance. I've got a four month coaching program that I put people through to get in touch with their values, purpose looking at boundaries, setting wealth, worthiness, money, and prosperity, and all sorts of other good stuff.
And it's really a fun process too. I really love what I do.
Damaged Parents: [00:03:37] Okay. Now your clients, when they're thinking of walking through the sphere, I mean, when they get to the other side, are they also saying, or what are they saying about fun? When they get to the other side.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:03:48] They are really, I would say the overall, response to my coaching program is enthusiasm and excitement for the future, which is. It's such a wonderful thing to experience and be witnessed to, I literally get really excited for my clients because a whole new world opens up for them. Whole new world of possibility.
Damaged Parents: [00:04:13] Yeah, and that's gotta be so rewarding.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:04:16] Yeah.
Damaged Parents: [00:04:17] Okay, so please share your story of your traumas. And along the way, I'll ask you some questions and really we're gonna, the goal is to get to where I want to say, where you were able to feel comfortable with addressing new potential challenges in your life, because I'm not certainly ever totally go away.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:04:36] Sure. So I will start at the beginning and then move from there. I was born in Washington, DC in 1972 parents who met in the Navy. My mother from Oklahoma, my father from Brooklyn, New York kind of opposite ends. And my father loved me, but he had a temper that he could not control. So I grew up in a lot of violence, a lot of emotional abuse watching my family go through.
It was like walking through a minefield where at any moment things could blow up in my face. I just, I was walking on pins and needles and it was really a struggle. As a teenager, I became very angry, very rebellious. I ran away when I was 14. I ended up in the foster care system for awhile. My father won me back and he managed to escape even a day in therapy. He didn't believe in therapy. He didn't believe in getting help at that time. Fast forwarding a little bit. I moved to Arizona when I was 20. I grew up in Littleton, Colorado. And fell in love with, some man out in, out in Arizona on a trip that I went there with a friend on new year's Eve and two weeks later, I moved out there.
I sold all my things and it was me and my cat. I was there for nine months and I started escalating and not sleeping and doing Kundalini yoga, which. Aggravated my energy. And I ended up going to San Francisco on a trip to visit a different man that I'd fallen in love with.
Damaged Parents: [00:06:19] Can I ask what escalating means?
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:06:22] Sure. Sure. My energy began hyping up. I became more sped up. I had. Ideas of grander, where I started thinking that I was going to be famous, which nowadays might happen at the time. I just felt like I was kind of hyped up all the time and working on a million different projects, going in a million different directions. And then I got on the, bus to go to San Francisco where I had my first manic episode.
Damaged Parents: [00:06:56] Okay. And what was that like?
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:06:59] Well, if you've ever done LSD, it was like a LSD trip. Basically. I would, I was seeing things. I was hearing things. I was delusional. It was really, and I was in it. I didn't know what was going on at the time.
Damaged Parents: [00:07:16] So you're on a bus alone. I mean, I think you're taking this trip alone and you don't even know that this is what's happening in you because you're in it. How did you find out, I guess is the best question?
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:07:30] Well, I ended up, I was supposed to go back to Arizona and I didn't. So I was in Golden Gate Park where I had sex with someone in public. I know there's kind of a theme of sex going on, but I'm 10 feet away from traffic. I had put all my belongings, my bag, everything I brought with me in a shopping card and just pushed it out into the road and walked away.
Then I took a taxi cab. Back to Berkeley, where my friend lived and I had no money. I had pushed everything into the street and the taxi cab driver. When he found out I didn't have the cab fare called the cops, the cops came, they arrested me, put me in the back of their car, started driving toward. The police station.
But as soon as I opened my mouth up and said, Oh, you're the secret police and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And everything like that, they literally, it was like the screeched and turned around and went to the mental hospital instead. I spent probably two and a half, three weeks. They didn't know what was wrong with me.
They thought I was schizophrenia, sick. They were putting me on all these medications that didn't work.
Damaged Parents: [00:08:44] You weren't using drugs or anything at the
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:08:47] Well, I was, smoking pot. I was actually doing some, acid, but that brought it out. That brought, I wasn't doing it all the time. But back then I was experimenting with a lot of drugs, which I don't recommend anybody does because it can really, Put you in a different world that you don't want to be in.
Damaged Parents: [00:09:10] Right. And it sounds like you were aware in the back of the cops car, and yet you still felt this paranoia and needed to say that. And then you get to the mental institution. What were your feelings about that? I'm not certain you could have them in that moment and I don't know.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:09:30] Manic episodes are so strange because I vividly remember parts of it. I remember details almost like they had a traumatic impact sizzle in my brain, but other parts are black blacked out. Like I blacked out and. Wasn't even aware that time existed. So when I went to the the mental institution, what I remember of it is that I was in this woman's office and she was trying to get information out of me as to who I was and where I was from so that she could contact my family.
And I gave her my parent's phone number. I knew that by heart. But then she said her name was Francis. And I said, Oh, Francis Goldfish that was my best friend in first grade or something like that. So I was like, Oh wow, this is Francis Goldfish from first grade. And I was like, wow, how I was responding to her like that.
And, so it's like anything that someone would say would remind me of it would bring back something in my memory and the two would fuse together. And come out very distorted and very delusional.
if that makes sense.
Damaged Parents: [00:10:40] I think it makes sense. I'm still trying to understand were you aware at that point in time that they weren't fusing.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:10:49] No,
Damaged Parents: [00:10:50] Okay.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:10:51] no, not at all. It was very real.
I didn't have any insight as to what was going on at the time, as far as, Oh, I'm delusional. You know what I mean? I was just delusional.
Damaged Parents: [00:11:02] Yeah. So you're in there two and a half, three weeks, and they're trying different medications and they're not working, I think is what I heard you say earlier. What happens next?
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:11:13] What happened next is my parents came out and got me and took me back to Colorado. I was living in Arizona at the time. I never saw Arizona again. I never saw my cat. I never saw most of my belongings. I didn't see, which was pretty intense, but they put me in a hospital here in Denver and my psychiatrist, his name was Mark diagnosed me with bipolar one.
And that's when I got put on lithium, I went through a massive, massive depression because. It's like as high up as you go, the harder you fall kind of deal. And I was way up there.
Damaged Parents: [00:11:54] When they put you on the medicine, you were way up there.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:11:57] I was way up there in San Francisco until I got stabilized in Colorado.
Damaged Parents: [00:12:03] Okay. And it sounds like part of that process was. Very hard in. You went from having this high energy high. Gosh, I don't know what else to call it and
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:12:16] a fake bliss. It's like, you're just bliss down and very irritated at the same time, because it's so much energy going through you and you exhaust everyone around you. It's a lot of energy.
Damaged Parents: [00:12:28] Okay. Okay. That makes, I can understand that and when they started you on the medication, it felt like a severe depression or was it too, too much in that, or is that just part of the process?
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:12:42] That's part of the pattern of being bipolar manic depressive is the higher you go. The harder you fall, no matter what medication you're on, it's just the nature of the disease.
So it had nothing to do with the medication they put me on. Although a lot of people who go through this may attach that to the medication.
Like this is making me feel depressed or bland or whatever, but it's just a natural coming back down because you have a chemical imbalance. It's like a roller coaster basically.
Damaged Parents: [00:13:16] Right. So it would be helpful for people to know that yeah, you started that medicine and you may also be on the down. Coming down and it might take some time for the medicine to start working or to help balance it out because, my understanding is the medicine is supposed to, decrease the high, the level of the high and increase the level of the low.
So they get closer together. Right what did that feel like to you?
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:13:43] What did which part feel like to me?
Damaged Parents: [00:13:45] Not getting to have that same. Well, what you were basically used to the higher high, the lower low is it, you had less of a range of motion if you will.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:13:57] Yeah. Yeah, it felt very. Bland boring. Pointless. Nope, Nope, no purpose, no excitements. Because I, I was addicted to adrenaline. I was like an adrenaline junky and drunk, addicted to intensity because that's what my life had always been. And this was diagnosed at age 21. I'm positive that it was going on beforehand.
I didn't just didn't break through a manic episode like I did when I was 21. Almost, almost exactly 21.
Damaged Parents: [00:14:31] Wow. So after they figure out what's going on. You get the medicine, what happens next? I just had heard that. Sometimes it's hard for. People with that disorder to stay on the medicine so that I'm interested in the process of what is happening inside of you and, yeah, what happens next?
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:14:52] Sure. Sure. Well, I kind of felt like an empty shell. I moved back in with my family, which was in the house that I grew up in, which was very traumatizing to begin with. All I looked forward to was that next cigarette. I was a smoker and going outside, sitting on the lawn chair and just smoking.
That's what I looked forward to. There was nothing else. I was devastated. Eventually that came around, I balanced out somewhat, but it still felt dull compared to those highs. It was like I had experienced the highs and nothing else was, could compare to that. So I was very dissatisfied in my life and I blamed it on the drugs.
The lithium, eventually I, I moved out, I moved to some, a friend's house and eventually into my own apartment, I decided. I didn't like it. So I was getting off these drugs because I needed to prove that I was not crazy. I needed to prove to myself and to the world. I internalized that. Society stigma that if you have mental health conditions, you're crazy or you're weak, or a combination of both.
And I didn't want those put on me. So I got off my medication. Within weeks I had another manic episode. I ended up in the hospital. I lost my apartment. I ended up in my parents' house again,
Damaged Parents: [00:16:23] Okay.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:16:24] same thing.
Damaged Parents: [00:16:25] gosh, that just sounds really hard.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:16:27] It was really hard.
Damaged Parents: [00:16:29] And I mean, what were your thoughts? Because you were sure you were going to prove everyone wrong that, you know, you didn't want to be quote unquote weak. So
getting back to your parents' house though, is almost like what were your emotions about that and how did you feel about that?
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:16:46] I was really pissed off because my parents decided to move my stuff back in with them while I was in the hospital. So I didn't keep my apartment. I felt devastated. I felt like. I'm a slave to this. I I'm not, I don't have the disease, but I am the disease. That's what I thought. And then I eventually moved into some, HUD housing, which is public housing.
I had a beautiful apartment. I decided at that point to stay on my medication and I was. I ended up working for the airlines and becoming very stable and going on a lot of solo journeys around the world. And I did feel good. I would have bouts of depression, but overall I felt somewhat stable. I still had, you know things were not perfect.
I had really strong emotions, even though I was on these heavy duty drugs. And then I decided in 1998 to get off the drugs again and prove that I wasn't crazy. And then I went to Rome, Italy, and I had a manic episode there, and lost everything I had brought with me and ended up in a hospital and luckily the psychiatrist there spoke pretty good English. So he really helped me a lot. To, just being there with nothing. So I had to get in touch with the consulate and my parents flew out and got me. So it was like history repeating itself.
Damaged Parents: [00:18:21] Right. now, do you have any recollection of what happened in Italy that landed you in the hospital?
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:18:27] Yes. I was staying at a youth hostel called Sandy hotel and I was staying up late. One of their policies was you had to be out of there by like seven 30 or 8:00 AM so that they can get clean and do their thing. So I was staying up really late and then getting up really early and not getting enough sleep.
Plus the city itself is so beautiful. It's like an outdoor museum and there's a lot of, it's very influenced by religion. And I, started having ideas of grandeur and I didn't quite piece it together. What was happening until I became really manic. And I eventually told, went back to the hotel and told the people that I had met there that ran it, that there's something wrong with my brain and I need you to call the ambulance.
Damaged Parents: [00:19:22] Yeah. And so, because you were aware going into the hospital, maybe wasn't as it wasn't like you were waking up all of a sudden I'm in this hospital and this happened a few times. What are you thinking at this point? Because of your belief that it meant you were weak and you were crazy.
What's going through your mind now.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:19:46] Hmm, that's a really good question. I was really glad to be alive. And, but I still thought I was the disease. At that point, I knew that I needed to stay on my medication. So I had a long stench of manic free period, which was from 1998, all the way to 2009. I had some depression. I had a lot of addiction issues.
I wasn't always stable and I didn't always make healthy choices for myself. But in 2009, the psychiatrist that I had decided let's take you off all mood stabilizers to see if you just have PTSD. Which was such a stupid decision on his part because I started the escalating again. I had the hypomania, which comes before the psychotic manic episode, and I started gearing up for that.
And. For some reason, I went to LA to a social media, conference at UCLA. And I lost my mind there. I absolutely just, it was just so dangerous too, because when you're manic, Your sense of intuition about who's safe and who's not just flat flew out the window for me. So I was making friends with very dangerous people.
I ended up getting raped in a movie trailer right off Santa Monica Boulevard while I was manic, which was horrendous. Yes. So having bipolar one and it not being medicated. Is life-threatening, it's some serious shit and people think I need to prove that I'm not crazy. Or, you know, it's the medication.
If it's not the right medication, speak up to your psychiatrist and say so they'll try a different one. I've been on several. Tens of thousands, but I've been on a lot of med changes and now I'm on the right cocktail. I call it a cocktail,
Damaged Parents: [00:21:50] So, and just because you find that the doctor believes this medication works, if, if you're not feeling quite right, maybe say something, I think because I'm thinking with what you're explaining, it might be really hard for doctors to hear that you don't like your experience on that medicine.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:22:12] If they're a good psychiatrist, they will listen. And I've had an experience more with good psychiatrist than one crap. I've had a couple of really crappy ones like that guy I just told you about, but. They have to start somewhere and everybody's brain is different. We all have different brain chemistry.
So it's kind of in a sense, like you're a Guinea pig in a way because they have to start somewhere. And then if you don't speak up and tell them, listen, I don't feel right. It might be because you're on that down slope, but if not, it could be some of the side effects from the drugs. That's why it's really important to study the drugs and study what the side effects are.
Because if you're experiencing side effects, there are alternatives. There are literally dozens of different drugs out there.
Damaged Parents: [00:23:01] Yeah,
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:23:02] And I don't mean the recreational with kind.
Damaged Parents: [00:23:04] thank you for pointing that out. So how did you, I'm thinking you're now at a point in your life where you are not. The bipolar one that is not your identity that you have that instead. How did you get from where you were into still in 2009 to this point?
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:23:26] Well, Okay. Let's see. I ended up back in Chicago, which was where I was living at the time. And I had blocked my father. He was, he had a feeling that I was going, manic and, he was trying to get in touch with me. And I finally said, you're stalking me. And I blocked him from my computer and from my phone.
And I had reached out to him. That's the only phone number I could reach. I remember when I was in LA, so I called him from there and told him that I had been sexually assaulted and first he didn't believe, and that enraged me. But anyway I got back to the Chicago. I started falling into the depression pretty heavily.
My father, you know, I had talked to him on the phone and he said, you give me the green light. Me and your brother, we will drive out there and we will pick you up and take you home. And I didn't want to do that. And I was crying. I was holding onto this Chinese antique beautiful dresser that I had, or actually a set of drawers.
And I was holding onto that for dear life and just balling because I felt like I was going to lose everything again. If I decided to go back, but I was about to go homeless. I had taken like over $9,000 out of my 401k blew it all on nothing to fix nothing to show for it. I was on a sabbatical from my day job until.
For three months and I wasn't due back for a while. I had no money. So I told my dad, okay, I'm I'm ready. I was very humbling, but they came and picked me up and I went back to Colorado. I stayed in my parents' house, which was the same house I grew up in and I had, I was put on some medication, one of which.
Irritated my sleeping pattern to the point where I had another manic episode within six months when I was in the hospital. Ironically, the same doctor Mark , who was my, the doctor who diagnosed me with bipolar 20 years before was my doctor when I was in that hospital. And he referred me to a place called Karis Community.
Which is a residential community for those who live with serious and persistent mental health conditions, to help them to lead happier, more productive lives. So I got in there, I had 17 other roommates who had different kinds of mental health conditions. And I had a mentor and we were outside smoking cigarettes and I was telling her some of my story and she said, look, Lisa, you've got to realize something.
I said, what? And she said, you are not the disease. And that was a turning point for me. Realizing, I don't have to carry around the shame and guilt. And from realizing that, you know what I have the disease, but I'm not the disease helped me to start getting serious about learning, how to manage it.
Damaged Parents: [00:26:36] That makes sense to me because I think if you're thinking it, it is you and you have to be fixed, that's very different from finding tools to help you manage it.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:26:49] Yeah. And I even had a bunch of tools, but, uh, cause I've been in therapy pretty much since I was 21. I had a lot of tools, but it, that blocked me from accessing them. That believes that I was the disease because I've always felt I had to prove it. And by proving that meant I have to get off my medication. So yeah, this place Karis Community it's in Denver to, in an area called Congress park. Saved my life, saved my life that they had. Failure therapist that you could check in with every day, if you wanted to, they had different groups, you did chores, you cooked for 18 to 24 people. When the came around to be your turn, you had to fall into your go to school or work 20 hours a week.
So there were, and they had goal setting. And I was thinking when they, when I was in goals group, I felt well, they really think we're human beings, so we're not crazy. They're taking us seriously. And 10 years later, after that experience, I was on the board of directors as the secretary
Damaged Parents: [00:27:59] Wow.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:27:59] being of service to this place that I fully believe in.
So amazing experience.
Damaged Parents: [00:28:04] Yeah. In my mind. Gosh, I read a quote somewhere that what you just said is reminded me of, something to the effect of we teach. Not, not that We treat people how as if they have what as if they are who they want to be, not as if they aren't, I can't remember. It was something to that
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:28:25] They believe it. It's almost like they believe in you more than you do. And you learn how to believe in yourself because you're being treated with that dignity or respect
Damaged Parents: [00:28:36] Yeah, which it sounds like was missing throughout your life
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:28:40] it. Wasn't. Yeah. And I had never experienced being around other people who struggled with mental health and I. Quickly grew to love these people. And that in turn helped me to love myself.
Damaged Parents: [00:28:55] So when you were in the hospitals along the way, when you were there, there were other people in there. What. And there was something different really beyond, beyond the Karis Community. It sounds like they, they did something so very different from those hospitals. it sounds like instead of just being there, you had responsibility instead of just waiting, you got to set goals. So all of a sudden there's this human. Yeah, that's really interesting because what I'm thinking of is that's probably the first time in many, many years that you had felt like I'm a human with something to give.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:29:38] Yes, absolutely. In a sense I was a quote unquote functional bipolar person. I had a career with United airlines. I worked in photo labs. I, did some freelance writing. But I never felt that strong sense of community. And, my being a human being, it was always me and my definition of myself, which was, I am bipolar.
I am depression. I am complex PTSD. There was so much shame around that too.
Damaged Parents: [00:30:13] Because that's how you were identifying as
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:30:16] Yeah. And I, I internalized the social stigma so much that I had to prove that I wasn't this thing, you know, but Karis helped me really put it in perspective and that they, because they treated us, humainly, I started treating myself the same way.
I started acting as if. I was, Karis treating me with dignity and respect.
Damaged Parents: [00:30:43] And that doesn't mean they were letting you walk all over. It sounds like there were clear boundaries and rules and guidelines, and I'm wondering how much that helped.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:30:53] Structure really helps me. Uh, it really helped me to have. Structure on so many different levels because it doesn't give you the quote unquote luxury of sitting around thinking too much because people with mental health, we think a lot and our thoughts can get real negative. So I started volunteering and being part of the community was another very important piece of this that I felt like I was part of something bigger than me.
That I was being productive. I was helping, instead of someone helping me all the time, I was a part of helping others. And that made a huge difference in my recovery.
Damaged Parents: [00:31:38] Yeah, probably gave you some self-esteem.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:31:41] Yes. Most definitely.
Damaged Parents: [00:31:43] Okay. Which, because you have that. I would think for me, if all of a sudden I started feeling better, I might start taking more risks or maybe, I don't know it was there, which leads me to think there was a huge sense of safety.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:31:56] There's a huge sense of safety in that. And Karis Karis Community used to be, uh, it's a big, huge house that nuns used to live at. And the executive director, his name is E.J. Barklage and he's just got the most graceful, peaceful, yet firm energy that is loving and caring and accepting. And the word Karis means grace in Greek.
And this place is so full of grace and it. It's like a, an arena for you to really heal and to connect with others. And there are different groups. There's addiction group, women's group, men's group mixed group. We have date, we had weekly, house meetings where everyone had to be there on Thursday nights.
And we hash things out, even things that were difficult to say, or to work through, we would work through it. And that really set the tone of the rest of my life.
Damaged Parents: [00:33:03] So having, because I'm thinking you also probably tested those boundaries to see
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:33:08] Oh, yeah. Especially me. I was very rebellious and I remember getting in arguments with some of the girls and, and I didn't want to come down to dinner and I was,, just like a rebellious teenager. Basically. One of the people that worked there was like, Oh, you're coming to dinner. All right.
You know, we just, and I was like, no, I'm not. And then I walked down the stairs and went to dinner.
Damaged Parents: [00:33:32] So they just helped you work through the emotions so that. Patiently I'm thinking. Cause sometimes I would think those, it takes time to get through emotions.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:33:41] Oh yeah. Big time. But something about this place, it was so. Wholesome and organic and healing that really the healing sped up the time that it took for us to make aha moments in our minds. Our emotions caught up quicker than normal, I think. Or at least that was my experience
Damaged Parents: [00:34:05] It sounds like what I'm really getting is that the unconditional love and while the behavior's not okay, you are okay.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:34:14] Exactly you it on that Angela.
Damaged Parents: [00:34:18] That's amazing to be able to find a place, especially in that state of, of loss. I mean, it sounded like you were really lost for a very long time in it. And to have someone or many someones come along and say, it's cool. We got you. Let's work through this together. This is a problem. You are not the problem.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:34:44] Yes.
It was a paradigm shift and it was, it was a life changer.
Really.
Because from that point forward, I was able to take responsibility for learning how to manage bipolar one and complex PTSD, which meant a lot of self-care staying on my medication, being a part of the community, being connected with others, having that connection.
And it led me to the helping field. I coach people who have mental health and addiction issues, including workoholism, that's a real addiction for a lot of people, but I also work in a mental health center here in Denver. As a peer specialist. So what that means is I have lived in experience with mental health and addiction, and now I help other people.
I work one-on-one, I do groups. I help run a healing arts group and I just, God has blessed me with the most beautiful life. And I always, I have been through hell and back many times, as you can tell, and it has not been in vain. And that's the beauty of life is that we can always help other people with what we've been through.
Damaged Parents: [00:35:56] Yeah, and I love what I'm hearing from you in that giving back, what was so freely given to you. Which was someone believing in you and that's, from my perspective, really hard to find it right now in this world. And I think that's amazing. They're lucky to have you look at, we're lucky to get, to hear your story and to share your story. I mean, it's, it's really amazing. I mean, to have gone to the, really the depths of despair that you went to find your way back. And I think what I'm hearing throughout the process is sometimes you just did your best to keep going.
So maybe in those moments, you didn't have hope.
You just kept going.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:36:37] I just kept picking myself up, peeling myself off that floor and, and trying different things and doing the same thing over again and over again and over again, but I wouldn't give up and that's another message I want to get out to people don't give up. Because there is hope even when you don't see it, you might be blinded to it.
But there's hope in that if I can do it, you can do it.
Damaged Parents: [00:37:02] I love the idea of just get getting back up, even if you don't know what the answer is or when it's going to come. Right. Because,
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:37:11] Yeah.
Damaged Parents: [00:37:11] okay. We don't know if that's maybe not for us to always know. Right. And I love that part of your message. So what are three tips or tools beyond that, that you would like people to know as they walk away from this podcast? So they can put into practice right now or in this moment.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:37:31] I would say, self care is not optional. We have to take good care of ourselves. That means physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. And it is a daily reprieve, meaning that just because I do it today, doesn't mean I can just let it all go tomorrow. We have to take good care of ourselves to get through whatever we need to go through.
And that means sometimes that means. Positive distraction watching some comedy or a movie or painting or poetry or, or taking a nap or going to sleep early. On another level, I means eating nutritiously, giving our body the fuel that it needs exercising. I like to swim laps. It puts me in a state of meditation spiritually.
What is your higher power? We all have one, or even if you haven't defined it yet, how can you rely on that higher power? Talk to that higher power, feel, feel its strength beneath your feet, holding you up, even in your hardest moments, make the connection. Stay connected to others be a part of, you know, the people that I work with have a hard time with socializing because they have some social anxiety or don't view themselves in a positive light.
People tend to like you, they don't start off the bat just thinking, Oh my God, you're such a freebie or whatever. Now people tend to like you and they want to know more about you and you do have something to offer. And then another tip I would have, and I don't know how many I've given, but is setting boundaries, setting boundaries with other people speaking up, advocating for yourself, creating that sense of safety, which boundaries are magical.
Damaged Parents: [00:39:21] Really are. I'm so glad we got to have you on the show today, Lisa. Thank you so much.
Lisa Jo Barr: [00:39:27] You're welcome. Thank you for having me.
Damaged Parents: [00:39:30] Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We've really enjoyed talking to Lisa Jo Barr about how she was able to recover from addiction. Mental health challenges and severe trauma. We especially liked when she said she's been to hell and back many times, and it was not in vain.
To unite with other damaged people, connect with us on Instagram. Look for damaged parents. We'll be here next week. Still relatively damaged. See you then.
