Episode 67: When You Don’t Know the Battles You Need to Fight
Fred RNTT
Fred was someone born with challenges then he had some more added on and began to slowly figure out how to make lemonade out of a constant barrage of lemons. His heart stopped roughly 50 times, so he figures if God wanted him dead... he'd be dead. He believes his purpose is to find ways to help people in their own struggles. He says if the devil says to you, “a wicked storm is coming your way” then learn to stand and say, “Move aside loser. I am the wicked storm.”
Social media and contact info.
Fred is a moderator in Gin Stephens’ Delay Don’t Deny Intermediate Fasting Support Group as Fred RNTT. Also in her new platform https://dddsocialnetwork.com (trying to move away from FB).
Damaged Parents: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents were confused. Forgetful fallen, people come to learn, maybe. Just maybe we're all a little bit damaged. Someone once told me it's safe to assume 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way. I would venture to say it's closer to 100%.
Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about. In my ongoing investigation of the damage self, I want to better understand how others view their own challenges.
Maybe it's not so much about the damage, maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it. There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience? My hero is the damaged person. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side hole.
Those who stare directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover their purpose. These are the people who inspire me to be more fully me. Not in spite of my trials, but because of them, let's hear from another hero. Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advice.
The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them. Today, we're going to talk with Fred relatively new to Toronto. He has many roles in his life. Co-parent brother, son and more. We'll talk about how he had multiple concussions due to his heart stopping and how he continues to strive for health and healing. Let's talk
Welcome to Relatively Damage. Fred. I'm so glad you're here and you've already been given me a tough time. So I think we're going to have some fun today. What do you say?
Fred RNTT: [00:02:11] I think this is going to be great. Thanks for having me on.
Damaged Parents: [00:02:14] Yeah. Yeah. I am super excited to hear about your journey because as I was reading your pre question interview sheet. It says the summer I died 20 times. And then I scroll down a little bit and I really started laughing. I don't know if you've ever heard of the movie Tin Man with Zooey Deschanel.
It's actually a mini series. And when I read a wicked storm is coming your way, learn to stand and say, move aside loser. I'm the wicked storm. I just about fell out of my chair. Tell us where that came from.
Fred RNTT: [00:02:55] It's just an attitude I've had to develop over time because so many Unusual things have happened to me. Medical wise a lot were diagnosed the large majority weren't diagnosed when they should have been. And my parents also had very, very difficult lives. So I sort of learned how to be resilient through osmosis, just watching them fight their battles.
So.
Damaged Parents: [00:03:19] Okay. So it came from watching others, and then you learning that these struggles are going to come and you've got to find your way through it regardless.
Fred RNTT: [00:03:30] And everybody has their own path in life, I think. Was it Scott, the, soldier that you interviewed.
Damaged Parents: [00:03:37] Yes. Scott Spears
Fred RNTT: [00:03:38] I think, through his talk about meditation and things like that. I think it's sort of a similar principle. Everybody's got to find their own path and, one day your path is this way and the next day, your path is that way and you have to adjust to it.
Damaged Parents: [00:03:53] Yeah, which I think for me has been hard. even when you're in that struggle, Is it I'm thinking it's still hard for you. I could be wrong. And how do you do that? I mean, do you get to a point where you realize, Oh my gosh, this is so hard and then pivot? Or how does that work in your life? Yeah.
Fred RNTT: [00:04:12] It depends on the day, but I remember talking to one therapist and I was like, why is life so hard for me? And he's like, Duh, because life is hard. So, I have much better therapist now. Her code name in my, in the books that I'm writing the summer, I die 20 times as Doctor Plie , she used to be a ballerina.
Uh, and then, so, she's been just amazing helping me through this and I've got an amazing community of friends that I couldn't have gone through this without. So it's, making sure you find the right people good, good people to surround yourself with that. Do all these amazing little things like you come home from the hospital and you don't have to worry about cooking for them. But I think a big part of it is making sure you try and keep the right attitude.
So I think we talked a little bit online about intermittent fasting. So I'm a moderator in a very big intermittent fasting group. And one of the most common pieces of advice I give on the group is you have to feed your brain as well as your belly. And, you have to keep listening to podcasts and learning and doing all these supplemental things that sort of inoculate you.
It's kind of like your vaccine against how bad you could potentially feel.
Damaged Parents: [00:05:31] Right. So when you go and listen to stories of struggle and find out how other people got through it is that that's helpful to you.
Fred RNTT: [00:05:40] It is. Even if I can't adapt to a certain strategy. I can't meditate because of my various brain injuries. If I try and meditate, I just fall asleep. So it's not, unless I want to take a nap, that's not really helpful. So, and that's just not something I'm ever going to be able to do. And if I go to a Doctor Plie and we start to talk about this every so often, cause it'll come up like every six months.
Do you want to give it another try? And I just fall asleep in her office. So it's just something that's not going to work for me
Damaged Parents: [00:06:11] Right. I bet you walk out of those appointments refreshed.
Fred RNTT: [00:06:14] and exhausted,
Damaged Parents: [00:06:15] Oh, really?
Fred RNTT: [00:06:16] Yeah. When I first started seeing her it was a lot because I don't have a lot of non-verbal ability to read nonverbal and, I've come a long way with that. So, You know, it's a constant session of 60 or 90 minutes trying to learn a new behavior or trying to reformat your brain to see something new that you haven't been able to see before.
So what we've learned is a lot of people, or most people process their non-verbals in the background. It's not in the forefront of their mind. So, because I don't have that ability to a large degree, I have to think about it consciously along with everything else that you're trying to think of consciously.
So it made me understand why when I was driving, I was just exhausted because other people watch the road and I'm driving and everything that needs to be processed, whereas the other cars, can I change lanes? Where's the stoplights and what speed should I be going? They learned to process that in the background and I have to be aware of it all the time.
So, so many things that I did just left me in a permanent state of exhaustion.
Damaged Parents: [00:07:32] Yeah, that sounds exhausting. So explain to us the. The struggle, because from what I understand, there were some things that, that you weren't diagnosed with as you were growing up. And then there were some other things that came along the way. Can you tell us what those things were? So maybe we can have a better understanding of what you're talking about.
Fred RNTT: [00:07:51] Sure. So I have a combination of ABI acquired brain injuries, which are the ones that come. You know, you're born with, or you have a stroke or something. And that's what happened to me. We learned eventually, when I was born or just after I was born, they believe I had a stroke. But nobody diagnosed it.
And so I had all these difficulties as a child that nobody recognized that I was having these difficulties with. And then when I was five, I took a real serious header. But playing with a friend of my sisters and I still have the the lump you can see on my forehead. So that was like concussion, number one.
And back then, you didn't have any protocols for concussions or anything like that. So I was just sort of left on my own, until I was in my early thirties, my sister was hanging out with This woman whose husband was a PhD and he worked with people with learning disabilities. So, they convinced me to come in and get tested and I got tested and they diagnosed me with a right brain dysfunction.
So I forget the exact percentage, but my right hemisphere was performing at something like 50% of what it should have been. So it leaves you with a deficit all on your left side, just like when you have the stroke.
Damaged Parents: [00:09:11] okay. So, because the right side is injured and it's not even that. Cause I'm hearing deficit. So do you have paralysis and things like that on that side of your body? Or what, how does it
Fred RNTT: [00:09:25] Yes, but we're not at that part of the story yet.
Damaged Parents: [00:09:27] Okay, I'm jumping ahead.
Fred RNTT: [00:09:29] So yes, I do have It's called Hemi paresis. So Hemi means half. So half of my body vertically is, has been affected by this. So, my left eye is legally blind. Nobody's been ever able to tell me why I can't see out of this. But now we know my fine motor skills on my left side are just trash.
You know, normally they I think these are the numbers. Like your dominant hand is at X and your non-dominant hand will be like 30% less, in fine motor and capabilities and stuff like that. My dominant hand is like 50% of what it should be. And my non dominant hand it, as I said is just trash. I can barely do anything with it.
Damaged Parents: [00:10:11] so how did they even figure out that? I mean, if you made it to the age of 30, before anyone even figured out what was happening or what
Fred RNTT: [00:10:22] Oh, I'm fricking smart. I'm just fricking smart. I have really good verbal skills. And that can mask things. And you know, most of my report cards, from what I've been told, were along, Fred would do much better in class if he would just apply himself or, shut up kind of
Damaged Parents: [00:10:38] Oh, dear.
Fred RNTT: [00:10:39] So it's, always on the student, it was never part of the teacher's skill set to say, Hey, maybe there's something wrong here. Maybe there's a reason he can't do this. Maybe there's a reason he can't write script. Maybe there's a reason he doesn't understand colors and stuff like that. So, finding out that there was something actually wrong was a huge relief.
And I spent, I called these guys the brain trainers. I spent probably two and a half years with them trying to reformat my brain. So that was a huge accomplishment, but they never told me. And it was probably beyond their skillset at that time. What exactly the right hemisphere dysfunction did to me.
Damaged Parents: [00:11:24] Right.
Fred RNTT: [00:11:24] So we would do all these puzzles and things that you would do as stroke victims to try and force your brain to activate different pathways.
And it helped a lot. I went from Basically giving up on, on having a university education, to getting an MBA with a double major, and eventually becoming a professor. So,
Damaged Parents: [00:11:45] Congratulations. That's a huge accomplishment.
Fred RNTT: [00:11:48] Thanks.
Damaged Parents: [00:11:49] sounds like a lot of work.
Fred RNTT: [00:11:51] Yeah, I would come away from those brain training sessions, like just wiped, as wiped as I feel coming from Dr. Plie now, it was nothing compared to, when I was starting off with the brain trainers and sometimes the exercises would be so difficult that I would get nauseous and I'd have to lie down in the office 20, 30, 40 minutes before I could get up and leave at the end of our sessions.
Damaged Parents: [00:12:16] Wow. That's really hard. And you kept pushing through this.
Fred RNTT: [00:12:21] Yes. And you know, it was a goal, it was a goal that was supposed to lead me to an end, but it sort of only took me part of the way there. So I still had a bunch of dysfunctions. I didn't gain any extra abilities with the left side of my body, my vision didn't clear up or, or anything like that. But I was much better than I was before.
And then I started working with Dr. Plie and, then the storm came,
Damaged Parents: [00:12:49] Tell us about your storm
Fred RNTT: [00:12:51] The storm came in the summer of 2009. And this is the basis for the title of the work. Because that summer I did actually die 20 times. We know for a fact, my heart stopped for a significant amount of times. At least 20 times.
It started with me thinking I was just passing out randomly and They couldn't find anything in the hospital I'd go. And they would do it. The standard tests though, here's a fat white male. So he must've been having a heart attack. So they test for them heart attack and they wouldn't see a heart attack.
So they test for enzymes cause your heart muscle dies and stuff like that. And those were really the only test they kept running on me every time I came in and they couldn't figure anything out. Eventually I was in one of the hospitals on an extended stay and they put a Holter monitor on me. So that's one of those portable monitors that monitors your heart.
And I had a couple of episodes, that they actually caught on tape and they finally analyze them and a doctor comes running into the room and he goes like, holy shit, your heart's been stopping.
Damaged Parents: [00:13:59] Okay. What did that feel like when he said that?
Fred RNTT: [00:14:02] Well, I was so battered by that time from, oxygen deprivation and hitting my head on all sorts of things. So I already had multiple concussions and I was, pretty loopy at that point. I mean, the. The thing I would hit my head on curbs. I would hit my head on pavements. I would hit my head on, you know, a counter, a sink counter and stuff like that.
So
Damaged Parents: [00:14:27] You would be standing and your heart would stop.
And it just would stop period anywhere.
Fred RNTT: [00:14:33] Anywhere. Yeah.
Damaged Parents: [00:14:34] I'd be afraid to leave my house. Were you afraid to leave the house?
Fred RNTT: [00:14:37] You start to feel that way, especially when you've got a doctor misdiagnosing you. So, I woke up at emerge at this hospital and I look up and I see someone who, to me looks like the clone of Osama Bin Ladin. And that's not what you mean. I want to wake up too. And, he diagnosed me with something called vaso vagal syndrome. So we have the vagus nerve, which is our primary superhighway nerve. And if you've heard of people who like pass out when they see blood or those types of things, that's vasovagal, syndrome, and you usually get it, you know, in your early teens, it starts to manifest itself, not in, a 45 year old man.
Damaged Parents: [00:15:19] Okay.
Fred RNTT: [00:15:20] So that was a wrong diagnosis. So he thought that, that was just going to keep happening to me. And I should perhaps get one of those styrofoam helmets and walk around with that for the rest of my life. Until they, they caught it on tape and found out that, Oh my God, you have a heart condition here that we have to fix.
And how are we going to do that? Well, you need a pacemaker.
Damaged Parents: [00:15:41] Okay.
Fred RNTT: [00:15:42] My cousin's an internist in Winnipeg, which is where I'm from originally. And I called him when this was happening and he diagnosed me in five seconds over the phone. And I went to the resident, on duty at the time. And I said, I need a temporary pacemaker.
This is what's happening to me. And she says, How do you know? I said, my cousin told me he, how does he know anything? Like they totally discount, the small town doctor and everything, and we could have gotten way ahead of this, but we didn't. So they scheduled me for a pacemaker surgery
Damaged Parents: [00:16:15] So eventually they did schedule you to give it.
Fred RNTT: [00:16:17] Yeah. Like as soon as they saw that my heart was actually stopping, they said, this is what we've got to do.
Damaged Parents: [00:16:24] So wait. Okay. I'm sorry. I just want to understand, so your cousin, you had talked to him a months before or after you found out or,
Fred RNTT: [00:16:33] Just after I was introduced to Dr. Ben Lauden in the emergency and he said I was going to have this. So,
Damaged Parents: [00:16:41] Got it.
Fred RNTT: [00:16:41] and probably seven days later is when they put the Holter monitor on me. And and then there were budget cuts. So that was a Friday that they put it on me. Friday afternoon I had two incidents in the hospital, but they didn't have any staff to read it until Tuesday afternoon because of budget cuts.
So, I had a number, more incidents while I was in the hospital. And once they realized what was happening, I was put on strict bed rest. I wasn't allowed to wander the halls and, annoying any of the other patients in that sort of thing.
Damaged Parents: [00:17:15] And being with your personality. I think that was probably a tough one for you.
Fred RNTT: [00:17:19] Yeah. I was far and away the youngest person in the ward and some of the people I met there were just heartbreaking. Like they knew they were dying. I met one guy with a virus in his heart valves that they could do nothing for. They couldn't operate, they couldn't give them a vaccine. They couldn't do anything.
So he just stood at the end of the hall, looking out a window just like, is this the day is tomorrow the day, like,
Damaged Parents: [00:17:45] My heart breaks for him. That's hard.
Fred RNTT: [00:17:48] yep. Mine too. So as you can see, I get a little emotional, just even telling his story.
Damaged Parents: [00:17:54] Yeah.
Fred RNTT: [00:17:55] so the scheduled meet for a pacemaker surgery and the surgeon, they only have one person who does this at this hospital. He was going on vacation. So they S they snuck me in for his last procedure before he went on vacation, which is sort of like when you book the last airplane, leaving the airport, like if that plane goes down, for mechanical reasons, you're screwed, you don't have a flight.
So I wasn't thrilled that I was going to be his last patient. Then they, left me in my room. I thought they should have put me in ICU or something. And I had two more incidents, right before that. So when I woke up and there was probably 10 medical people in the room and they were about to hit me with the paddles.
So, and the paddles wouldn't help really because. My heart needs a constant source of electricity. Those just give you one jolt.
Damaged Parents: [00:18:50] Okay.
Fred RNTT: [00:18:51] it I tried to explain that to them. They also wouldn't listen to me, which is why they wouldn't give me a temporary pacemaker. So I woke up for whatever reason my heart started again, and they're all very, very relieved.
And about four hours later, it happened again. So this time. They actually took my roommate. Out of the room and docked him in the hallway. And there were even more people and they're about to hit me with the paddles again, and my heart started beating again. And it was at that point, they said I don't think we should leave you alone.
And we should probably bump up your surgery. Like you think. So they carted me off to ICU and I had really, really good care in ICU. And then they I think they bumped a couple of other patients to, to get me an early and it was a brutal surgery. They worldwide, they do about 800,000 pacemakers a year.
So it's a pretty common surgery. And I think partly because I was so trash going into the surgery, but something happened in the surgery. And we don't know what, but I know by the way I came out, something happened and we haven't seen the files yet. So this is 2009. So there's a whole conspiracy theory behind this area, 51 kind of thing.
Damaged Parents: [00:20:10] So you just felt that much different after, is that, how you know or what,
Fred RNTT: [00:20:15] Yeah. I mean, think the worst hangover you've ever had multiply it by, multitudes. So I eventually Got a really good cardiologist, closer to where I live. And I asked him if I should have been that trash, because I've seen like 80 year olds coming out of the hospital the next day. And they're just like all perky and happy and everything.
No, nothing like I was. And he said, yeah, something wasn't right with him. What happened?
Damaged Parents: [00:20:42] Okay. So, and you're still waiting on those files.
Fred RNTT: [00:20:45] Which, may or may not come, but I've seen other files from my other surgeries and they really gloss over, most of the stuff that goes on. So my next surgery was even more fun.
Damaged Parents: [00:20:58] So you had to have another one.
Fred RNTT: [00:21:00] I actually have two functioning pacemakers,
cause they keep failing on me.
And I'm a hundred percent dependent on the pacemaker to stay alive. So when it fails, I fail. I'm told there's like only eight people in the world who have simultaneously functioning pacemakers. It's a real oddity. So part of my story. So hopefully I'm going to end up in the new England journal of medicine or something.
Damaged Parents: [00:21:23] That would be fun. I didn't even know that was possible. Do you know how that works or they're just both working at the same time so that if the heart stops or I don't know really how they work.
Fred RNTT: [00:21:34] So I can give you a quick pacemaker lesson or at least my pacemaker. So there's dozens of types of pacemakers that do different things. And then there's defibrillators, which are like the paddles. I don't have a defibrillator. I just have a pacemaker and my condition is called a full AAV block atrial ventricle.
So there's a little node in your heart muscle that sends electrical signals that tells your atrium to beat, and it pushes the blood into your ventricle. And then it tells your ventricles to beat, to push the blood out into your body. Something was going wrong with that transmission system. It was dying.
And when it started to go clunk. I was getting maybe. Five heartbeats a minute
Damaged Parents: [00:22:18] Wow.
Fred RNTT: [00:22:19] and then fully stopped. So, the pacemaker replaces that the pacemaker has consense things. So they know like if you want to ride your bike, your heart has to be faster. If you want to go upstairs, it has to be faster when that ceases, it knows to, go back to normal. so.
Damaged Parents: [00:22:38] Thank you.
appreciate that.
Fred RNTT: [00:22:39] welcome. So about four years later, all my symptoms started happening again. And because pacemakers almost never fail. Nobody knew what was going on, but I ended up in the hospital again and they figured out that one of the pacemaker wires. Was cracked the installation cracked and they think something, this is back to the conspiracy theory area, 51, something must have gone wrong in the first surgery where they somehow put a tiny crack in, they had difficulty, threading the wire through the veins and and it got worse and worse and worse.
So I had to go in for a second surgery and the simple plan was. They were going to, put in a new wire, when that happened. I coded, I didn't realize they do this while you're awake because my first surgery I've been fully asleep.
Damaged Parents: [00:23:30] Wait, you're there. You've got your chest open and you're awake.
Fred RNTT: [00:23:34] yeah, it's just a little slice. It's not like open heart. So they use I think it's a slightly more powerful, kind of a lidocaine that you use when you're getting your teeth worked on. But I wasn't comfortable right from the gecko for, a lot of reasons. And. I started having a little bit of anxiety and they started to open me up and I knew the pacemaker was failing right then.
And I said something like, Oh fuck, I'm gone. And then I was gone and it was, just the craziest scene that you could imagine. So. If you think when you see one of these scenes in an emergency room or an operating room in the hospital that, everything they need is right where they need every person that's right there and, stuff up.
It's not, it's just Bedlam. It was total Bedlam. Yeah, so, they aborted the surgery. They did give me a temporary pacemaker at that point, in surgery, but they have to go through your femoral artery,
Damaged Parents: [00:24:34] Okay, that's in your leg, right?
Fred RNTT: [00:24:37] yeah, so they thread the new wire up through there somehow ending up in your heart.
But because I was an emergency surgery for this, they didn't have time to use antiseptic or to freeze me. So, if you want to know what it's like to get speared in the groin, I can, cross that off my bucket list. That was unbelievably painful.
Damaged Parents: [00:24:57] I couldn't imagine.
Fred RNTT: [00:24:58] yeah. So, they try it again seven days later and they could not thread the new wire through, through the vein.
The vein had collapsed and so that's why they're guessing something happened in the first surgery. That, compromise the the first pacemaker wire led to this, storm. So my 20 minute procedure ended up taking three hours. The surgeons were on the phone, calling surgeons around the world saying, what do we do here?
And this is a really good hospital I was at. So it was kind of crazy, but they got me up and walking. And then it happened a third time,
Damaged Parents: [00:25:38] I can't believe that's crazy.
Fred RNTT: [00:25:41] and then it happened a fourth time,
Damaged Parents: [00:25:44] Oh man. Okay. I've got to ask. How were you feeling on this journey emotionally? Right? These things are happening to you, like unheard of things. And not just once, but more than once. Were you ever feeling hopeless or desperate or what were your feelings.
Fred RNTT: [00:26:06] Well, I think it, in a way it's sort of a blessing for most of my head trauma and things like that. So I've never been super in tune with a lot of emotions. I'm much better now. I remember when I started with Dr. Plie , she would give you this paper that they use with like five and six year olds. And it's got all these different faces.
It's like, this is happy. This is sad. This is, angry. This is perturbed. And all these things like a six year old would know a perturbed
Damaged Parents: [00:26:34] So you could see what it looked like on the other
Fred RNTT: [00:26:37] Yeah.
And try and imprint it.
Damaged Parents: [00:26:39] Okay. So you're trying by understanding them, trying also to get an understanding of what's happening inside of you.
Fred RNTT: [00:26:47] Yes.
Damaged Parents: [00:26:48] Okay. Okay.
Fred RNTT: [00:26:49] So, but just as an aside, there was one square in the middle of this thing for six year olds that was drunk. Like, I didn't realize drunk was an emotion.
Damaged Parents: [00:26:59] I didn't either.
Fred RNTT: [00:27:00] she's like, I, I've never noticed that. Oh my God. We've got to get that out of there.
Damaged Parents: [00:27:04] Yeah, that's funny. I love that you see joy in every moment. It seemed, it really does seem like that.
Fred RNTT: [00:27:10] I try. I'm pretty funny. I mean, I've done some improv. I've done some standup. I think just with our battery, a little bit. Witty. So, it, it does help.
Damaged Parents: [00:27:20] Well, yeah, so it sounds like that would be a real benefit though, to not be in touch with that emotion,
because it would be quite devastating. I think even from the emotional perspective, if you, if you're not having it, then, I mean, those situations that you're describing, I would be terrified in.
Fred RNTT: [00:27:43] I think I was too shocked and too PTSD, too post-concussion syndrome to really process it until much later. Right. I think, When I started writing my book and really got into it and started reliving some of these experiences, you know, it was making me very sad, very angry and very grateful. And all these things were coming, which makes writing a book, which is hard, even more exhausting. So it was it's been quite an adventure.
Damaged Parents: [00:28:13] Sounds like that would also help you because those feelings were coming up. Maybe Dr. Plie was able to help you identify. What that feeling meant to you?
Fred RNTT: [00:28:23] We haven't really worked on anything like that. A lot of what we work on now is more interpersonal stuff. I was in this situation, this person said X. I said, Y blah, blah, blah. And somebody seemed upset. What was really going on here? Kind of thing. Cause my non-verbal still aren't super good.
They're much better. But sometimes you just don't realize you're saying something. And somebody else can be offended or is sending you a signal to do something else. And you just don't know.
Damaged Parents: [00:28:54] It happens for all of us. And maybe, just for you more often. I don't know.
Yeah.
Fred RNTT: [00:29:02] I was out for a walk a few months ago with a friend in our neighborhood and we ran into a couple of people she knew. And so we chatted and chatted. And then after they left, my friend looks at me and she says, Oh my God, that chick was like, so into you. And girls can call a girls chicks
I cannot. And I'm like how do you know this? She was just staring at you like nonstop. Like, I'm just oblivious. So which will I guess bring me around to things I know now, about my brain injury that I didn't know before. So I have something besides the Hemi, paresis, I think it's called aphantasia.
Which is, I don't have the ability to visualize. So for most people, if you say, you know, visualize your favorite ice cream cone, dripping down on your hand, you can see it just like you can see the recording or real life. I don't have any ability to do that. So, It made me understand why my friends have such vivid memories of, adventures we were on and I don't, I can remember fact, but I can't, you know, I'd go golfing with my buddies and they'd say, remember that shot I made on the 14th hole. It's like, I barely remember that we played the 14 hole so I lose that whole part of the world.
Damaged Parents: [00:30:22] So when you say you remember facts, do you mean you remember facts from the event, or you just remember facts from books? What does that mean to you?
Fred RNTT: [00:30:36] From books from conversations from events. So for example, when I was, selling life insurance, I could go to a client's home and spend three hours with them. And I would see them 10 minutes later in the mall. I would have no clue who they were, but once they told me who they were or where they live.
Oh yeah, you've got the lab in the corner with the, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah. For that really cool dining room table, stuff like that. So that's another, I guess cohort two, the, aphantasia is the I have face blindness obviously I recognize that you have a face, but I can run into people that if they just changed their appearance in the slightest, I have no idea who they are.
Absolutely. None until they talk or say something factual than I, clue right in
Damaged Parents: [00:31:23] So, if I were to run into you or talk to you again, it would be helpful if I reminded you that we had this conversation.
Fred RNTT: [00:31:32] Absolutely
Damaged Parents: [00:31:33] Okay. That's actually really helpful to know because. I guess I don't always think about what could be happening in someone else. Right. And I think part of that's just being human and yet it helps me to understand that if that's what you need, then the next time we communicate, I need to remind you.
So does that include an email or a Facebook chat. I mean, in any situation, Hey, this is who I am. Do you remember? Tell me what level you would need.
Fred RNTT: [00:32:10] I know, I know like family members and stuff like that, but even the friend that I went on this walk with, I mean, we were neighbors. We know each other very, very well. I was outside the house talking to somebody else the other day and she came walking from down the street, but she was wearing clothing and sunglasses.
I had no clue who she was until she started talking to us.
I could hear her voice and recognize things. Some people I'm better with than others.
Damaged Parents: [00:32:38] Maybe don't take it. So personally, when someone doesn't recognize you in a totally different environment from which they're used to seeing you in, or if you've changed your, appearance significantly, that actually makes sense. That makes a lot of sense. Because if I walk around with this expectation that people are going to remember me and yet what if their brain works similarly to yours
then?
You're so witty? Then I don't have to take it personally. Because I'm more likely to take it personally, and I'm not sure with your brain dynamic, do you take things personally?
Fred RNTT: [00:33:15] Not so much,
Damaged Parents: [00:33:16] Right. So it would be kind of, that would be a foreign, a foreign idea to you, right?
Fred RNTT: [00:33:21] Yeah. And I don't know if you've ever been with someone and they try to introduce you to a third party, but they don't tell you who the third party is because they don't remember the person or the person's name or anything like that. So it's, actually pretty common. So if I'm in a situation like that, where somebody doesn't introduce me, I'll just say, hi, I'm Fred.
You are to take the pressure off. Cause it is an awkward social situation all around. And if I don't recognize somebody and like, please help me out, I'm having a moment. I don't go into the hole. Who the hell are you?
Damaged Parents: [00:33:52] Right, right. And it's okay. Not to recognize someone. And I think at least for me, that I get more mad at myself for not being on point, if you will, or be in perfect that I don't give myself that grace. And it sounds like you've learned to just be like, Hey, this is just how my brain works. And you might even reintroduce yourself and say, Hey, I'm Fred.
And they may, be like, Oh man, take off their sunglasses. All of a sudden, maybe you recognize or you hear their voice and they see that more of the story, right? Not the sunglasses coming off. And then it's like, Oh, okay. Yeah. And then they get it
Fred RNTT: [00:34:28] Yeah. I'm pretty recognizable because I've got this flaming orange hair and, you know, I'm stocky built. And so people tend to remember me. It's not often, they don't remember me. So
Damaged Parents: [00:34:39] right. But they would, but as far as like, Being someone that puts the pressure like me, I put the pressure on to remember and I'm supposed to remember, I was supposed to do this. After talking to you and realizing it's pretty normal because you said, guess what? This is actually pretty normal for most people I'm thinking well, that helps me relax a little bit and maybe I don't have to be so worried.
Fred RNTT: [00:35:04] Yeah, for sure. Uh, We do worry about stuff way more than we need to in general.
Damaged Parents: [00:35:10] right.
Fred RNTT: [00:35:11] So, like I had probably 2000 students over my teaching career. And I could not tell you the name of one of them. Like they were all face blind to me. So I go from class to class and occasionally when I'm out and about, a student who will come up to me and say, sir, sir, Fred, how are you? And blah, blah, blah.
I'm like help me out. Who are you? And they say, Oh, I took your economics class in 2009 or 2012 or whatever it was. Like, Oh, gotcha. Okay. I really don't. But if they want to tell me I was the greatest professor they ever had. I'm not going to stop them.
Damaged Parents: [00:35:47] I think that's a great plan. So what, or if there were someone going through something similar as you. Or even if they aren't. Three tips or tricks to get through life or tools that you want, you would, you have found helpful in your own.
Fred RNTT: [00:36:03] Well, I think probably everybody should have some sort of therapist, in the Old Testament. It talks about, you should have a rabbi. Everybody should have a rabbi, somebody to bounce things off of and get another perspective. Preferably somebody who's wiser than you and sees the world differently than you.
Because if you just have people giving you the same perspective all the time, it's pretty hard to grow. Second, you have to keep filling that brain with positive stuff. I mean, take that edge off any way you can, if it's, exercise or cycling like I do. Or like Scott does, if you can get into meditation or self-help books, whatever, you've got to keep doing that.
And, and my third that I didn't know about when all this was going on is intermittent fasting. So the people listening, can't see that this is the book Fast Feast Repeat from Jen Stevens, New York times bestseller. She's my fasting guru I moderate and in her group, answered thousands of questions on intermittent fasting.
It's as one of my cardiac doctors said, it's the most powerful nonmedical intervention that exists in the world today. And I've done more healing. To my brain, to my body from all the trauma from intermittent fasting, then everything else combined.
Damaged Parents: [00:37:20] Yeah, it sure is a great tool. And it's, it's spoken of in scripture. I mean, it has been used for thousands and thousands of years.
Fred RNTT: [00:37:29] Yeah. but now we know that it does things that they wouldn't have had any idea about back then about the healing powers and stuff like that. It may not sound like it, but I'm fasting right now.
Damaged Parents: [00:37:41] Yeah, no. And, we're having a great conversation. In fact my fast is up and when we get off this zoom, it will be my breakfast and it's almost noon here. So I'm with ya. I,
Fred RNTT: [00:37:55] I'm in the middle of a 45.
Damaged Parents: [00:37:58] Okay.
Fred RNTT: [00:37:59] So I finished eating last night and at our Friday night dinner tomorrow. That's when I'll that's when I'll break, the fast, longer, fast are incredibly healing.
Damaged Parents: [00:38:09] Physically. Yeah. Do some research. Don't try it without a doctor, all that great stuff, make sure that you've got a lot of support. You know, and also double check with clinicians. And I'm saying this for the listeners too, to make sure that it's something that your body can tolerate, before you start.
Fred RNTT: [00:38:26] I have a huge medical team, cause we haven't even gone through all my problems yet. I went to see a cardiologist and. I was waiting in the exam room and he threw this book at me, The Obesity Code by Dr. Jason Fung.
Damaged Parents: [00:38:38] Love that book
Fred RNTT: [00:38:38] said, buy this, read this, do this, but not until we check with all your other doctors.
So we had to, he had to send a letter out to six other doctors getting the buy-in from all of them.
Damaged Parents: [00:38:49] That's awesome. So you've got a team that's supporting you and it sounds like you've noticed a difference that you do feel better physically and you have more energy. I'm thinking.
Fred RNTT: [00:39:00] My brain is clear. I've lost a ton of weight. I don't know exactly how much cause I don't weigh, but I think when I started this almost intermittent fasting almost three years ago, I was a size 48 pant and I've just ordered size 38.
Damaged Parents: [00:39:14] Congratulations. That's an amazing feat. And so yeah, having all that extra weight off probably makes it easier to move as well.
Fred RNTT: [00:39:25] Yeah, I don't have an ache or pain in my body anywhere. And I played hockey. I played rugby. I played football. I was fat. I mean, at one point I was 340 pounds. So my body took a real beating and today there's no evidence of that whatsoever.
Damaged Parents: [00:39:41] That's awesome.
Except
Fred RNTT: [00:39:42] that I keep dying.
Damaged Parents: [00:39:43] Well, I'm sure, glad that I got to meet you between dying. Times
Fred RNTT: [00:39:48] Thanks
Damaged Parents: [00:39:49] you're welcome. I got a smile out of you. Thank you so much for being on the show today. Fred I've really enjoyed our conversation.
Fred RNTT: [00:39:57] Thanks for having me.
Damaged Parents: [00:39:58] Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We've really enjoyed talking to Fred about how he has learned to manage his challenges. We especially liked when he explained how intermittent fasting has helped him with the right clinical team to unite with other damaged people, connect with us on Facebook. Look for damaged barons. We'll be here next week still relatively damaged see you then.
