Episode 66: Healing to Happy

Laura P. Martin

Laura Martin is the founder of Healing to Happy – an international online nutrition company that helps women suffering from IBS and Anxiety to get back to eating normally using the gut-brain connection. After experiencing many traumas in her life, Laura's health took the hit. She spent years being at war with her body, and had to battle her way through anxiety, IBS, and autoimmunities... she knew there had to be a better way... After many failed attempts and lessons learned, she came up with the F.R.E.E. method that healed her way to happy and has now helped hundreds of women around the globe do the same through her online courses.

Social media and contact info.

www.healingtohappy.com

www.healingtohappy.com/facebook

www.healingtohappy.com/beaBhebloat

www.Instagram.com/lauramar7n_h2h

Podcast Transcript:

Damaged Parents: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents were lost. Self-destructive overwhelmed. People come to learn, maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged. Someone once told me it's safe to assume 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way.

I would venture to say it's closer to 100%. Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less fun. Like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about. In my ongoing investigation of the damage self, I want to better understand how others view their own challenges.

Maybe it's not so much about the damage, maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it. There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience? My hero is the damaged person. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side hole.

Those who stared directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover their purpose. These are the people who inspire me to be more fully me. Not in spite of my trials, but because of them. Let's hear from another hero.

Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only, and is not intended as advice. The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them.

Today, we're going to talk with Laura P. Martin. She has many roles in her life, daughter, sister, nutrition, expert, business person, and more. We'll talk about how she struggled with the loss of her mother, which led her on a path of self-destruction and right into abusive relationships. And how has she found health and healing. Let's talk

Welcome Laura to Relatively Damage by Damaged Parents. We're so glad you're here today.

Laura P. Martin: [00:02:08] Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here.

Damaged Parents: [00:02:11] Yes, yes. I know. I love every time lately, when I talk to someone new who wants to be on the podcast, they're excited to talk about a struggle and. I'm not sure. I'm always excited to talk about my struggles, but tell me about that. Tell me why, why the excitement.

Laura P. Martin: [00:02:28] I think there needs to be more. Spoken on people going through their struggles and what you come or what you gain out of it, but also like, what was your journey through it? What did you, what were the insights along the way? How did you keep going? And I personally really resonated with people when I heard that.

So whenever I get a chance to share the stage or any platform speak on a podcast, anything like that, it just, I don't know. It helps me align more with the whole purpose of where I want to go and how I want to contribute to society.

Damaged Parents: [00:02:58] So, was there ever a point where you didn't want to talk about it or you were afraid to talk about it?

Laura P. Martin: [00:03:04] I mean, yeah. I mean, when I was in it, because I didn't have the vocabulary around where I have now. Right. Like I think when we're going through struggles, right. So I had lost a mom super young. I had been through my own eating disorders along the way, suicide and stuff like that. After that, getting into Really toxic relationships, very abusive, like almost got killed, all that kind of stuff.

Right. And so when you're in that. How do you take it on like, something's wrong with you? You take it on, like you were the damaged goods or you caused this and all this kind of stuff. And when you actually start to make moves and you see like, okay, I'm not actually responsible for the things, or I'm not at fault for the things that happen to me, but I am responsible for how I'm choosing to perpetuate the cycle and moving forward.

And so that's kind of where that is moving from there.

Damaged Parents: [00:03:50] Yeah, no, I just, I think it's important to talk about and understand because I actually hadn't asked that question before I thought, you know, this is really interesting question. I want to understand what's behind that. So thank you. You are here to talk about those struggles that you just mentioned.

So if you would just start a software, it starts for you. And then I'll ask you questions along the way, and we can investigate what it was like and how you found courage and things like that. That would be fantastic.

Laura P. Martin: [00:04:20] Of course. And like one of the biggest blessings that I had no idea that it would have me ending up like. Doing the work that I do now. So

 one of those things where it's just like hanging on. But yeah. So from an early age, I was, I don't know, 13, I think when I was first diagnosed with depression and then after that was a series of just like perpetuating that cycle, telling myself I was broken because.

X. Why is that? And, you know, medications are the only fix. And, you know, at the same time having a lot of health issues, like I struggled with IVs, which is what I work in now, right? Like healing people with the gut-brain connection and some perpetuating the cycle. I always thought I was broken and I was always really angry and really temperamental.

And I, struggled with eating disorders. I struggled with suicide attempts. I struggled with not. Being an advocate for my life. I let life happen to me as opposed to making life happen for me. And then as I went through college years and things like that, I put myself in sticky situations and sexual assault cases happen and stuff like that.

And then went on in my last year of university. My mother actually unexpectedly died and that led me down. Perpetuating that cycle, right? Like I had known this was coming. She was an addict. I had known this was coming, but the way it all happened was very unexpected. And all of that.

And so instead of

pausing and reflecting and what can I learn from this and how can I move forward? I went great. Cool. And I packed my bags and I moved to Asia

Damaged Parents: [00:05:45] Wait, so mom pass it. Mom's an addict. She passes away. You had expected it. And when it happens, it's kind of like, I'm just gonna get out of

Laura P. Martin: [00:05:54] well, cause she didn't die from addiction. She died from falling down a flight of stairs. So it wasn't something that was expected. It was, we, she was in and out of like rehab. She was really fighting. Right. And then luck not luck, but like. How do you even say it? Like that's complete wrong word, but how something just fate would have it of just like, this is how this is going to go.

And it really shook up, obviously the family and things like that. And so didn't know how to respond to it. Still don't know how to really respond to something like that at 22 years old. Right. Like you don't know, you don't have like family to really like, even then it breaks up a family. And

Damaged Parents: [00:06:31] I have a question about that. What was it like as a support person for someone with an addiction?

Laura P. Martin: [00:06:36] I wasn't, to be honest, I, I was her mini me growing up. I was her like very weird clothes. And then at 16, because I didn't know she was an addict. Like, it's one of those things where like, Why would, I know that I didn't two and two didn't go together. She was like a very high ranking ER, nurse. She was written about in medical journals.

She was like thriving in the community. She was a high functioning alcoholic. Now that I look back on it after my parents' divorce is when things took a turn, I moved in with her and that's when I saw stuff in at 16. When you see stuff like that, you like, everything sits there and you get very angry and you're like, What the heck just happened.

And it wasn't until I went on to university and I was studying psychology and I was sitting in one of my classes and we were talking about addiction and it just flashed over me of like, Oh my goodness, my mom's an addict. Like I didn't connect the two. And I realistically didn't connect the two until I dated an addict, like five years later,

Damaged Parents: [00:07:31] So, although you had that, like flash it's and you made the connection, it didn't really settle.

Laura P. Martin: [00:07:36] sink in. Right. Cause you don't know, you think people with addiction, you're just, okay. That's just it, right? Like that's or whatever. Cause like, to me, I was like, just stop. Like I don't understand why don't you just stop? And I didn't get it for the longest time. And so this was weighing on me.

What have you. But then finally in that class I was like, Oh my God, like the deaths to my mom. The mom that I grew up with, that's what I had to come to terms with is that's the mom that mom was gone, but this present woman that here is in and out of rehab and trying, I didn't know she was in that rehab until she passed.

And I saw her medical bills in her journals. Right. Like she didn't tell us cause she was so embarrassed. And so once I finally came to terms with who she was like, thank goodness for that last year. I was like, you know what? Like you are frustrating beyond all hell, but like, I love you to bits because this is who you are and you're sick.

Right? Like you are, you, are you your friend? I don't get it, but I, I love you. Right. And so thankfully I had that and then I got the phone call. And she was actually as like a makeup present to me was planning Thailand for me. Cause I had graduated university early and she was planning this for me.

And so in the middle of that, so she passed in November. I was leaving in January, so I was like, okay. So I went away and I was like, I'm going to figure out. I'm going to find myself probably being broken for quote unquote, what you tell yourself is it doesn't matter your location. Like here, you're going to run into that same cycle until you actually take responsibility for your health.

And so I went there for two months, met a guy, stay for three months, came back. I ended up selling everything I owned because I came back and I was like, life is just kind of broken here, moved out there where no one knew me ran away from like, at the time I was like, my brother's like, you're running away from your problems line.

No, I'm not. Now I looked back at it. I'm like a hundred percent. Yes I was. And so now I'm looking at it and like, I fall in love with this man who is very toxic and ends up again, being an addict. He wasn't an addict when I met him, but his life choices led him down that road. And it wasn't until that, like, after my life was threatened, I have scars all over my body.

I got involved in that life for a long time, but the difference was I could stop. He couldn't. And I didn't get that until I finally found my way into the 12 step programs and going to these like Island and N and support groups and stuff like that. And really, and like, I had a lot of shame around that.

I didn't tell people I was doing that, but now that's to have take responsibility in that way. I have so much pride. For taking those steps and being like, I don't know what I'm doing anymore, but I really, it was one day, like I was contemplating suicide. I was like on my balcony. What have you? That I sat there and I was like, I don't actually want to die.

I just don't want to live.

Damaged Parents: [00:10:06] I actually crossed your mind. I re I you're contemplating suicide end at the same time or within a flash of a second. Well, I don't really want to die. I just don't want to live this way. So how do I change it?

Laura P. Martin: [00:10:18] Correct. And thinking of my brother, cause my brother is my partner in life. Right. Like he is my best friend. He has saved me from everything. It was just like, I can't do that to him. Like, it can't do that. And so it was just like, okay, like I don't want to die, but like can't live this way anymore.

And that's what kind of started me on. My human journey and my health journey, except the same time I had a lot of health issues, right? Like I'm struggling with IBS for modal and imbalances. I never ate like any, like I had a very disordered relationship with food because of my IBS and all these gut healing protocols and everything out there was like, Hey, you have to eliminate all these kinds of foods.

And it was like, how do I do that? When I have an eating disorder like that doesn't make sense. And I still want to heal my gut. Like.

Damaged Parents: [00:10:58] Now your IBS is irritable bowel syndrome. Right? So explain that a little bit.

Laura P. Martin: [00:11:04] Yeah. So I that's what I specialize in. Right. So I went and I was sitting in a cafe one day and I was like, at the time I was teaching English in Thailand and I was like, I don't, I'm not an English teacher. Like, I'm a glorified babysitter, but I'm not, not an English teacher. I'm not responsible to be doing this, but I don't like, what do I want to do?

Like, I don't want to go back to America and get into sales. What have you. And so I went back and started studying nutrition. My friend was like, ah, like you have a really, you really like food, but like in a really disordered way. So my, you go learn about it. Same way I did about like mental health. And so going through that, I understood.

Okay. So the foods that I'm eating and all this kind of stuff, cause I had digestive issues. So IBS is. A lot of us think it's a food issue, but really it's a gut brain dysfunction. And I didn't know that for the longest time, like trying all these diets, eliminating all these foods, cutting all these certain food groups.

I was down to eating smoothies and soups. Like I couldn't digest anything. I was 40 pounds lighter than I am right now. Like if that's, you know, dramatic, like very tiny mind you also like controlling my plate because of the relationship I was in. Because. I was going through recovery with him. And so like was still in that.

And so this was like my little outside kind of thing, pulling me, getting me strong enough to actually finally leave that relationship and choose myself. But so what I came to know and love and now teach across the world is that in order to heal the body, we have to heal the gut brain connection. And if you have irritable bowel syndrome, it basically means there's a dysregulation between your gut and your brain.

And it doesn't have to do with these foods or anything like that. It really does have to do with what is our nervous system doing? How are these two things communicating together and how can we fight this inflammation that's happening in the body so that you can ultimately heal your gut and heal your brain.

So after I went down my studies and all that kind of stuff, just really experimenting and using. My trauma and my story and my past, all these kinds of things. And using that to perpetuate business, which I wouldn't say is the best way of going about business. Like fear is a great motivator. Don't like, I mean, I ended up starting like an international company because of it, but like it wasn't a stable foundation for stuff.

And after, you know, healing, all these kinds of things and working certain programs and coming up with this method that I now teach is actually how I got myself off of medications, off of diets office, any kind of things like that, which is the game, which is the end game.

Damaged Parents: [00:13:24] The fear. When you said you started your business out of fear-based explain what the I'm not certain. I totally get what you mean by you were afraid.

Laura P. Martin: [00:13:34] So, like I said, I'm still in that relationship. And so after I left that relationship, I didn't want to catch up to myself yet. So I threw myself into work. I threw myself into creating community. I threw myself into everything. And so it was another trauma response, a lot healthier than drugs and alcohol, but still a trauma response.

And it wasn't until I was actually sitting in a cafe one day, I hit my number. I did everything like I can remember this moment. So crystal clear, I'm sitting in a cafe. I shut my computer in a moment. I should have been so happy. I was crushed. And that's when I first called my first like therapy, not my first therapist, but hired a new therapist and hired a life coach because I was like, Oh my goodness.

Now I have to face my problems. Like all the things I had been running away from for the last five years. Right? Like you got the money, you got the business, you got out of the crappy relationship, all this kind of stuff, but then you have to deal with all that stuff, right? Like you can't run forever. And that was the biggest wake up call,

Damaged Parents: [00:14:28] So it took a therapist and a life coach.

Laura P. Martin: [00:14:31] that a coach therapist. I got a nutrition coach. I had a functional doctor. I had a natural path. I had a whole team of people helping me because I dunno, I chose to take responsibility for my life finally.

Damaged Parents: [00:14:44] And that's interesting that you say that because intake and responsibility that required you asking for help from not just one or two people, but a whole team of people. So, so did that take courage and.

Laura P. Martin: [00:14:57] Yeah. And it, I think after a while it was finally more of like pride. And that's something that like anyone that is listening, it's one of those things that if you see the evolution of stuff, like the first question you asked me, right? Like I thought I was alone in it. I didn't tell anyone about it. I was ashamed of it and all this kind of stuff.

And now I'm like, wait, no, I need it. I still have a team of mentors and coaches and all those kinds of people around me, whether it's for business, for life, for relationships, all that kind of stuff, because you're never in it alone. And as soon as you can step away from that and realize that that's when you actually can start to move that pendulum forward to have success.

Damaged Parents: [00:15:32] okay. How do you get there though?

Laura P. Martin: [00:15:34] Okay. Yeah. I mean, so my first step was again, choosing to wanting to live. Like I knew there was something better out there. So I started to surround myself with people that believed in that. So I had a really good, I actually, when I was in Bangkok, I was in Thailand. I created this health community there called Bangkok ex-pats healthified because Thailand is a very party, party place.

And I was like, wait, where are the people that like, want to do stuff that's healthy? And so I created that around me. I was like, okay, like if I can't find it might as well, just make some events, they both come eventually, right? I'll align with that. And then I just started doing things at my higher self would thank me for right.

So like what is, when I would go to the gym, I would go for walks. I would eat the right foods. I would make sure I was eating enough food because I was just so anxious. I was never eating. I've been eating enough food, even that was so uncomfortable for me. And I just started talking more, you know, like talking with myself, I started journaling every day.

I still do. I have books from, I mean, I've been journaling since I was like 10, but like, those ones started to it. Wasn't just like, this is what I did in my day. It's more of like, this is what's going on in my mind and getting that out there and knowing that okay, like these are just thoughts. They don't actually control me.

Damaged Parents: [00:16:46] Were you journaling the negative sides and investigating them

Laura P. Martin: [00:16:50] Yeah. So something, something with my therapist that she would always suggest is like, write down your negative thoughts and then be able to flip that, like where in your life is there evidence that that is not true. And so, because the story you tell yourself in your brain, you're going to perpetuate that you will find evidence all the time to be like, Oh, like you said, even this morning in the gym, like, someone's like, Oh, like something about my workout.

And I like responded just like not thinking so, so early in the morning, I was like, Oh, That was, that was dumb. Did it like your brain will do funny things. And then you're like, and like, and the end of my work and I'm like, that doesn't actually matter. Like none of that matters at all. So when you can get that on paper and like, write that out, flip it to show actual proof in your brain by turning that into like a question, turning that.

Okay. So one of my life actually proves this not to be wrong because that actually switches your neurochemistry and your brain to turn it into a question as opposed to a statement. And then if you choose to answer it, you can find some relief.

Damaged Parents: [00:17:44] So the negative comment was your negative comment to someone else, or

Laura P. Martin: [00:17:50] Oh no, no. They just made a comment and I said something back where it was just like, it was just like, Oh, like, are you good? Cause I'm moving. And so they're like, Oh, are you gonna miss being like that super fit girl on them? Like that, those, the crazy workouts. Are you going to miss that? And I'm like, well, I just did like a weird laugh.

And it was just like, that was weird. It's like those fit your interaction, like in my head. And then I was like, wait, hold on. Like. That doesn't mean, like, I'm just like pause for a second. Took myself out of the perpetual cycle of like the story that I was telling myself is and realizing

cares and got on with my workout.

Damaged Parents: [00:18:20] Okay. Right. And you just happened to laugh. And your thought in your mind was that was a really weird laugh and you'd just started like the belittling yourself for it in your mind or,

Laura P. Martin: [00:18:30] Oh, yeah, like I'm a highly anxious person. Like I, those are not don't get me wrong. Like I used to have the worst social anxiety can not go out. Cannot do anything like that is my old trauma response is hung up on brain is hyperactive. That's just what it does. So if I laughed from, with my brain was like, What was that?

And then like thinking of how that was portrayed by someone else. And then you sit there and you're like, there's no social. There's no proof in that at all. That is just your brain doing circles. So move on to the next thing that we should actually be thinking about.

Damaged Parents: [00:18:59] Right. I just, I it's an interesting thought process. I mean, cause I think I've been there too where I've made a weird noise or something and all of a sudden I'm judging me more than anyone. Nobody else really cares. Right. But in that moment, the idea that you went negative about what that sound meant.

And then it sounds like you can carry it with you a little bit longer and it took you a few minutes to catch it. So. What can you give an example? Was it just like the negative thought was going through your mind and all of a sudden something clicked and you're like, wait, this is a negative thought, what question can I ask myself?

Or how does that work?

Laura P. Martin: [00:19:35] Yeah. So again, this goes back to the team of people that I've had surrounded me. Like these are thoughts that used to drown me from day to day. Right? Like I have students so trapped in my mind. So that would have ruined my day because I would be thinking about that like all day, I'd be think, Oh, what do they think until the next time I could rectify that situation?

Damaged Parents: [00:19:52] Oh, wait, hold on. Hold on. You just said the next time you could rectify it. So maybe the next time you saw that person, you would go up to them and talk to them about the really weird laugh you made or

Laura P. Martin: [00:20:01] Not even that just  cause when you see that person again, you're like, okay, cool. Like they're not thinking about it anymore. Like it validates that they're nothing, it's just this thing that like with mental health and I say this a lot with like my clients that are struggling with like eating disorders and stuff.

It's not. Ill intended, but it's a very selfish thing because all we're doing is thinking about us and the way people view us and how we're doing and what we can do. How is this going to make me look? How, like, me, me, me, me, me. Right. And so that is what I see with mental illness. That is what I see with eating disorders.

As what I see with all these kind of things, not to say. It's ill intended. And it's a selfish thing because we're struggling, but it is something that we're only thinking about ourselves in those moments. And when you have a team around you that can like sit there and they're like, Oh, well, why do you think you're important in this situation?

Like what makes you think that person is going to be thinking about your laugh the entire rest of the day? Like what makes you think you are so cool, but that's a thing and it just like takes you out of here you go. You're like, you're right. You're right. Like medicine is not it. And so now after. Having these conversations.

So many times working with incredible professionals, using my own tools that I've created my methods and all this kind of stuff that I use in my clients. I'm able to just like, literally like this sequence of what was going on in my mind was maybe a minute long. Like not even. And it's one of those things where it just now like snaps and you're like, move on to the next thing.

Like you have so many other things where you'd be thinking about today that laugh is not one of them.

Damaged Parents: [00:21:26] But I love that you pointed out that it still happens in your mind, even though it's much faster than it used to be. It used where it used to take all day. Maybe now it only takes a minute or less for you to recognize

Laura P. Martin: [00:21:39] human. Like that is going to always be a thing. I am me. And that's the biggest thing of that I've realized going through these traumatic experiences and what have you, and how I've seen them as I've grown up in Richard, within that, I used to carry that around. Like I was. The abused one, the girl without a mom, I'm a girl, like all these kinds of things, these stories that I would tell myself, and now I sit there and I'm like, yes.

Okay. Like these things, of course, they're important. Of course they are, but they're not a part of my current version of myself. Right. And so when we aren't so focused on that and dragging that story with us, we're able to step into the new normal and be like, okay, like, This is just what it is. I am, I will still have triggered responses because those things aren't going anywhere.

They are part of my life. They are calm they're in me. Right. But they don't control anymore. Right? Like these stories that I tell myself are no longer in that space.

Damaged Parents: [00:22:29] I think I really liked that idea that I'm still going to be triggered. And it's what I choose to do in that moment is basically what I heard you say. So I am interested in when you started healing your gut, if you will, did that also shift the mental side of it? Do you think it was both things.

Laura P. Martin: [00:22:51] 8000%. And that's, that's what shook me up because I went to my natural path and I was like, like going on about my gut. Like I was, at that time I was eating all the right stuff. I was. I was a specialist in gut health and I couldn't poop, like what was going on. It did not make sense.

I was like, what's going on? You're just like, Oh, do you want to talk about how your depression is linked to your IVs? And they're like, froze. I was like, wait one. Wha, what do you mean I'm depressed because I was so used to being this, kind of person, like, what do you mean? Like, what do you mean I'm depressed?

This is just my normal and two, I was like, what do you mean? And so that's what drove me to, because my background was psychology, foreground, nutrition, and then got my specialty and digestive health. They kind of made a baby and I was like, Oh. And so explaining that it was like, This whole gut-brain connection.

So 90% of our serotonin, our happy hormone, 50% of our dopamine, we have neuro epinephrine and gaba, all the things that keep us calm and like happy are housed in our gut. And so we're chasing all this stuff of inflammation and medications and what have you. And I'm not to say like, medications are wrong. Like they have saved me in times, but.

They're just a band-aid over a bleeding wound. You have to get to the core of what the bleeding wound is. And so when we have like cuts on our hands, right? Like we're able to see that inflammation. We put a band-aid on it. We're good. What have you really able to address that? That's what depression and anxiety are.

It's inflammation in your brain. It's setting off in most cases, right? Sometimes there is actual chemical imbalances, but that is actually very rare. Majority of the time. It is just inflammation in the body due to a miscommunication going on. So when you can get to the root cause of what that actually is, you're able to step away from that.

Damaged Parents: [00:24:28] Correct me if I'm wrong, you had a business in gut health and, and you go to someone and they're like, what about yours basically?

Okay. So it's really easy even when you're in the midst of it to have a blind spot, it sounds

Laura P. Martin: [00:24:43] Exactly. So I had just started my company at that time. That was. Four years ago now. And I was like, Ooh, like I kind of feel like a fraud. Like how can I help everyone else? I run seminars, I do this kind of stuff. What is wrong with me? And like, I didn't understand. And then, you know, imposter syndrome, what have you, and then finally linking these kinds of things.

And that's at the time when I was preaching like elimination, diets, and low FODMAP and doing all this, and I was like, hold up, like this doesn't make sense. Especially for women that do struggle with eating disorders. Putting those kinds of labels on good and bad foods is not going to work.

Damaged Parents: [00:25:17] Explain that a little bit,

Laura P. Martin: [00:25:19] Yeah. Yeah. So low FODMAP diets and elimination diets are when you are resetting your gut, it's like the four RS and you have to remove foods like gluten, dairy, soy, sugar, and lagoons. For me it was like shellfish peanuts, eggs, salmon, avocados, like. Was the girl to eat then spinach, kale, like I couldn't eat anything.

And that's why I was just down to drinking smoothies and soups all day. And really at the height of it, it became such a fear around food because every single thing people have struggled with IBS, it's not about weight. Right. Like, they're not eating because it's weight anymore because you're literally afraid of food because you don't know if you're going to like cramp up and have to go poop instantly.

Or if it's going to flare you up and it's going to leave you on the floor and your skin's going to flare up or things like that, like it's actual fear of pain. Right. And so this is what it leaves you on, but what we. When I know, love to be true now, is that the stress and everything like food is not the issue, right?

Like I healthy body can digest all types of food. And when we can get to the root of that, we can actually heal the body and get path to eating normally and living normal lives and not thinking about food or. What social outings we have to avoid and like all the, what kind of clothes, like you can just be a normal human again, and like live optimally, which also plays into that anxiety and depression.

Right? Like when you're sick and you have an autoimmune issue or you have something like that, like it's kind of like a silent battle. Right. Like, it's not like a bleeding wound where people are like, Oh my goodness, like, what's wrong with you? Things like that. They're like just eat a burger, get over it.

And you're like, I freaking wish I could eat a burger. Like, I really wish that was a thing I could do right now. You don't understand,  but it's a silent thing. And that weighs on your conscious, that weighs under confidence, which then perpetuates, the cycle. So it's a dual approach that you have to do to heal both.

Damaged Parents: [00:27:04] So when you started working on the anxiety and depression, You were able to go back to eating regularly? Not regularly. I don't know if regularly is the right word.

Laura P. Martin: [00:27:14] Yeah, I

Damaged Parents: [00:27:15] How did you go back to, what did you go back to, I guess is the question because, you know, there's all these things out in society that say, you've got to eat this way.

You got to eat that way. You have to eat this way. And if you're depressed, then this is the best diet. If this, if you have anxiety or like you were saying, you know, you've got to eliminate all this. How do you go back? How do you

find a new normal.

Laura P. Martin: [00:27:35] it's exhausting. It's a thing. That's what like it's reverse dieting and actually getting in, like, what I work with my clients on is understanding functional foods. So eating foods that are optimal to rebalance your blood sugar levels heal your microbiome, boost your metabolism.

Elevate your stomach acid, because when you do that, your gut turns into this like awesome battery acid for second kill off pathogens, and you're not sick anymore. And it gets back to all this kind of stuff. And additionally, you start to eat for rocket fuel for your brain. So you're no longer struggling with brain fog or mood swings or anxiety or depression.

Of course, you're going to have situations in your life that come up and those things happen. It happens like babies, you know, they give you kind of brain fog cause you're functioning on three hours of sleep. It just happens. But there are certain things when this becomes like a chronic issue, that's when you really got to an end and that's what was happening with me.

And so when you can actually get to functional foods, your body can handle things like pizza night and some wine and going out to eat and like. Yeah. I'm, I'm like this huge chicken wing kick, like right now. Like, I just love to convenience, like being able to enjoy that. Normally it's not to say like, I'm eating that stuff every single day, but I definitely have it at least once a week.

Like, it's one of those things and I don't call it a cheat day. I don't call it. I call it date night. Like I just it's a normal day. Right? Like it's not something that is feared or anything like it used to be.

Damaged Parents: [00:29:02] It's almost like, instead of looking at it negatively because looking at it positively. So, because I think. A lot of people when they say cheat night, right. Or cheat day it's I must have everything I possibly can have that I shouldn't have. And then maybe even the next day, there's this residual beating yourself up over having it instead of, Oh, I'm going to have a nice evening and enjoy some things and come back tomorrow to being healthy or something like that.

Laura P. Martin: [00:29:33] I always call that the food hangover with my clients. I'm like the food hangover actually gets you worse than the food itself. Like you were so caught in your thinking brain. Oh, this is going to flare me up like this, this pizza tomorrow. I'm all I'm going to feel it like you're so trapped in your mind.

But you can't look at food normally again, if that it's the food that's flooring you up, it's the stress that you have about the food that's giving you a flare up , and that's what happens because you can have someone that is like staring at this burger and it is delicious and it has everything they want.

And they're so involved in it and they're like prepping their body. They're savoring it, all that kind of stuff. They're eating it slow. They taste all the flavors like juicy. What have you. They're going to digest that better than you with your kale salad over here. Thinking about like, Oh my goodness, dah, dah, dah.

Thinking about work, thinking about relationship, thinking about what is in this salad. Is this going to flare me up? Dah, dah, dah. You're going to flare up more than if that person that's just seeing that. Delicious burger next to you because their body is way more in tune with what they're eating. And then their digestive enzymes are actually going to be able to break that down.

I'm not saying again, you're not going to get a burger every day, but if you're in it and you're relaxed and you enjoy it and you move on with your life, your body can handle things like that. That is what it's meant to do.

Damaged Parents: [00:30:47] Now, I'm just wondering though, like if someone has. Cause I'm thinking it can go both ways. Let's say somebody has stress in their life and then that can trigger the gut thing. And also if there's maybe an allergy or something then, and that can vice versa, trigger the depression and anxiety and again, and then, so how do you, I don't think even, I don't think it's always a cycle.

I just know sometimes it's probably going to happen. So how do you, I don't want to say justify I guess be okay with knowing that this is just part of that journey. Maybe I'm not sure if that's how you work at it, but

I'm trying to get this question out and I'm struggling.

Laura P. Martin: [00:31:27] I got you. I got you was show the starting point of that is that there's a huge difference between allergy and food sensitivity. So allergy is like, say you eat a peanut, you need an epi pen because you will die. If you do not get that EpiPen, that's an allergy. A food sensitivity is when you eat that same peanut, but you feel a little brain foggy a few hours later.

Dah, dah, dah, dah. You can heal food sensitivities. That's what we were misguided. Like everyone loves these food sensitivity kits all the sudden, and like all these, that's a human response. And this is why you'll see a lot of food fear come up because you'll get these tests done. And it's most likely to foods you've recently eaten.

That's why I do not ever recommend these to my clients because one huge waste of money too. Gives you unnecessary food fear. Three, it is not accurate your body in a natural state. Will have these human immune Globen responses that will respond to food digesting in the body, every healthy human does that.

That's why your, most common foods will usually show up when you have different markers of, and when the body is, uh, the gut lining is weakened. That's when you'll start to see it break through and start to cause this inflammatory response. So it's not food, that's the issue. It's not that peanut in and of itself.

It is the weak gut lining that the peanut is essentially going through. That's the issue. So if you keep eliminating foods, you keep doing this. You're actually just damaging the gut digestive system because you're not keeping the digestive enzymes strong. So you have to get to the root of what is actually causing it, which is not food.

It's usually slow metabolic function weak leaky gut. Got brain dysregulation and things of that nature and not the food itself.

Damaged Parents: [00:33:11] Okay. So, I'm struggling. I want to understand this. Okay. So, because I see two sides to it. So let me just go, I guess, from the food side first, and maybe then that will clear up the mental side for me. So. Someone eats a food they're sensitive to, but that sensitivity may not necessarily be what's causing the brain fog.

Laura P. Martin: [00:33:36] They'll eat the food, right. And they will get the brain fog that's going to happen. But if you're only focusing on that food and you're eliminating that food and you're not getting to the root of why they can't digest that food to begin with, they're going to continue getting that brain fog.

They're just going to start. This is where you see people. They'll start by saying eliminating dairy. And that's fine for about two weeks. And then all of a sudden gluten starts to flare them up and that's fine for about two weeks. And also they get down to like, not eating tomatoes because they read one time.

They shouldn't have lectins. And so they're starting to get more and more sensitive to all these foods because digestive enzymes are like a muscle. So my clients, after working together, what they realize is they can get back to eating foods normally, because we got to that root cause. Yes, you have to take out gut irritants, like raw foods and.

Things that we're not actually paying attention to like polyunsaturated fat nerdy stuff. Right. But when you actually remove those things and get to the root cause and heal the gut, you can get back to eating normally again. These foods will cause reactions, right. But removing that will not get you back to feeling normal.

It'll feel good for about two weeks, but then some other food is going to cause you a flat because you're not healing that digestive system.

Damaged Parents: [00:34:46] Okay. So, and then at the same time, so you've got this issue over cure with, with digestive enzymes and things like that. And I'm gonna. I want to assume, but I've got to ask it anyway because I've learned that's not a good thing that just going in taking digestive enzymes is not necessarily helpful because you've got to, you've got to strengthen your own personal gut

Laura P. Martin: [00:35:08] Correct. And if you get too reliant on them, your body will stop making its own.

Damaged Parents: [00:35:13] Okay. So that would become a problem. And then at the same time, you've got to be working on the emotional side of what's going on. It may be some of the beliefs behind what that food means.

Laura P. Martin: [00:35:24] exactly. And so, because your stress is going to contribute to everything, your stress is going to impact the way that you are looking at your food, your stress levels, your digestive enzymes, the. Cause back in the day when we were stressed out, right? Like cave women, time, caveman time, whomever is listening.

We are, there was either a saber tooth tiger or a famine coming when we were stressed out things that we did not need to be doing. If that was happening, eliminating any ways we needed to save as much fuel as we could or producing children. So, this is why you'll see people that are very stressed out.

They'll start having irregular periods or really bad PMS, things like that. Hair falling out, skin issues, all that kind of stuff, as well as bloading cramping, diarrhea, irregular bowel movements, things like that from so. Stress is such a big one that we miss. And you have to look at this as a dual approach.

You cannot heal mental illness, or I hate saying mental illness, but anxiety, depression, brain fog, mood swings, any of that kind of stuff, without looking at nutrition and lifestyle and also therapy and stuff like that. And you cannot heal your gut health without looking at nutrition and lifestyle and therapy and stuff like you can't do one without the other.

You have to work with them together.

Damaged Parents: [00:36:40] So, which brings to mind. I have heard that the gut is also considered like the second brain or something like that. Can you speak to that on any level?

Laura P. Martin: [00:36:50] So there is actually two reasons. It says, so. One meaning that what I touched on earlier, we know we have a serotonin dopamine GABA and norepinephrine. We have 48 neurotransmitters in our gut as not as many as our brain. Right. So we have the same amount and they're always in communication. So this is the second reason.

Why it's called that because it runs entirely on the system called the enteric nervous system. And they're connected through this thing called the wandering nerve. And so you don't have to tell your lungs to breathe your food, to digest your heart, to breathe any of that kind of stuff. It runs entirely on its own, which is why we call it the second brain.

And actually 80% of the communication goes from our gut to our brain.

Damaged Parents: [00:37:33] Okay. So as you heal your gut, your brain can get better. So back to your journey, my bad for distracting us.

Laura P. Martin: [00:37:40] No, it's good. This is something that I don't think people talk about enough about. But yeah, so as I started to realize, like when I was quote unquote eating healthy, but I wasn't eating enough of the right foods at the right times in the right order. And so as I started to do that and pay attention and also surround myself in with the right.

Support I no longer had these suicidal thoughts. I no longer had these panic attacks that like, I used to be crippled on my floor. Like if I had to go to a workshop, I would come back and I'm like, shaking. I couldn't focus. I was out for the count for like days.

Damaged Parents: [00:38:14] Workshop, you were still

Laura P. Martin: [00:38:15] Yeah. Oh yeah. Like I just, again, my thinking brain is like, what do people think?

Like thinking reassessing all of this kinds of, Oh my God, it's exhausting. It's still exhausting living in my brain. Don't get me wrong. But. Not as much, I got, I got better resources now to deal with it. But I no longer felt that way. And so that's what kind of peaked my interest because I was like, okay, like, why not give it a shot?

And so like started looking into different like doctors and doing live courses and going back and getting more certifications in that and kind of diving deeper into what I should be eating and really focusing on that kind of step. And when I came to know love and to be true is I can't tell you last time I got angry, like I used to be known for the Fowler temper which is my mom's temper.

And so I it's like everyone has a Fowler temper, and I'm like, actually we just have really bad blood sugar levels and like dysregulation going on here. Like, I don't know why we normalize that. I can't tell you last time I got angry. I always thought those people that were like super happy. I thought they just had a lot of coffee in the morning.

Like I had no idea and I'm one of those super annoying people, but like, people are like, what is wrong with you? And like, I love it. I have enough energy to like go out and play and like, I have enough to get through, like I run an international couple to have that enough energy and still have a really good relationship.

So I come home and I'm able to actually spend time with my partner and have energy around that. And it's not just me. Right? Like it's the women that I work with that have been struggling for years. Like 30, 40 years. They've been on medications. They've been struggling in and out of doctor's appointments and surgeries to try and get over stuff, you know, to be able to come off of their medications.

So much so that their husbands then come work with me. Cause I was like, why does my wife have so much energy? What did you do to her? And then they come and work with me. I'm like, you want some of the juice? I see it. But to have things like that, like that is what gets my heart beating in the morning and just makes me so excited.

I'm just, it's never being broken. Right. And I think that is. My biggest lesson and something I always tell my girlies is like, you can't be at war with your body and win like it doesn't work all of these symptoms as painful, as embarrassing as crushing as they can be. They are just signs from our body that something is off and something somewhere, it needs to be calibrated a little bit better.

And when we can look at it in that way, we give ourselves permission for being human. And we can really answer that call with more love and we can surround ourselves with the right team and what we actually need to help us get to that elevated person that we know we're meant to be. Yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:40:39] Okay. So how do you start loving those parts of yourself? Because I think what I hear you saying is you've learned to love that you have scars on your body. You've learned to love that you've struggled with this. You've learned to love that you have a really super busy mind. So if. Someone's listening and they're, like you, how do they start?

How do they even start with that first step?

Laura P. Martin: [00:41:00] Find that someone somewhere that you resonate with, like, for me, it was podcasts. I lean and then did that. Like, I stopped listening to music for like a solid two years because I just needed to hear that people out there thought like me and then leaning to community is like, and that's why community to me was so big, like creating the group in Bangkok there's resources.

Like I have a Facebook group, stuff like that. Like look to find your tribe. And that's the biggest thing. Cause when you realize it's not just you, that makes all the difference. And you know, we like to think that we're the only one that gets it. And now this is different from, and probably like people even listening to this, like, no, it's different to me like my story, but the more you listen to it, the more you seek out people that actually resonate with you and strikes you that's when you actually see people that have come out of it as well.

You know, but the first step is take responsibility, right? Like again, repeating, but like you're not at fault for whatever you're struggling with right now. You're never, you never are, but you are responsible for how you're responding to that. And if you want something to change, you have to take one action.

It doesn't have to be something like life-changing, I'm going to go higher. Team of five people. I'm like do this. Cause like my mind do this took me five years to get to where I want it to be. And like, for me, I mean, it was a close death call, so I hope no one gets to that one, but like, Journaling was a big one.

Like that was my point of, okay, where can what's going on right now? And how can I flip the way that I'm seeing this? And as I started to do that, I started to feel, okay. So maybe in a way that my higher self would want me to go maybe to the gym today and like align with that. And then these little action steps, but yeah, the first, first step would be, is aligning with a community that you can feel like you belong in.

Damaged Parents: [00:42:42] yeah, okay. You had said five years, it took you, so one of the things, maybe what I'm hearing that you didn't say out of that is that you can't just make a decision. Right? This moment you can make a decision, right? This moment, maybe the expectation. If you're going to have an expectation of how long it's going to take, it's going to be a long time.

And it's a long process before you can even look back and say, yeah, I was there and it's okay.

Laura P. Martin: [00:43:11] Yeah. The one thing is, is, a mentor said it to me one time. Of course you want to have these desires and these things, and you want to, you know, you want your five-years to be up and you just want to be feeling like a golden pony right away. But the thing about tomorrow is who you are tomorrow.

Is stepping you one step closer to who you're going to be that next day. If you try everything at once you were going to fail, this is when you use resolutions are just trash. Like they don't, they don't last, but if you can, you're like, okay, so this is, you need to have a blueprint, right? Like you have to go, okay.

Like where do I actually want to be? Like, I don't want to be here anymore. So where do I want to be? Okay. So what is one step I can take today that would align me in that maybe it's getting eight hours of sleep. Maybe it's having an extra serving of vegetables. Maybe it's calling, making that hard conversation and giving forgiveness.

Maybe it's going on a walk today, but what is that? And then build upon that pick one consistent habit you can build upon. That's just the way the brain works. If you're putting too much on, it's never going to become a habit, it actually takes what is it? 90, 63 days, 90 days to actually create a habit.

It's not the 21 days.

Damaged Parents: [00:44:14] So it sounds like little tiny things at a time. And slow and steady, like the turtle. Okay. So you basically gave us , just recently a few things, but usually at the end of the, of the call, I, I asked for three things, three tips or tools. It doesn't, it could be things we've already talked about. It could be that you would like people to focus on.

It could be something we haven't talked about that you're like, wait, somebody really needs to know this. So three things.

Laura P. Martin: [00:44:40] Number one check in with yourself. What is the one thing to you that you feel is missing, right? Like that your higher self is missing. So whether that's more sleep, whether that's connection and community, whether that's responsibility and purpose, whatever that has to you, like at least identify what that is right next.

What is one action step you can take towards that. So that is. For me, it would be like making sure you're getting enough sleep because no one makes good decisions when they're half, half rusted, no one. And then what's the other one,

honestly, like reaching out. That was such a big one for me. Like knowing you're not alone, but taking massive action to change that. Because no, one's going to come knocking on your door and be like, Hey, do you want to be friends? Cause we're alike. Like, that'd be awesome if people did that, but you have to be active in the fact of finding a community of belonging.

Damaged Parents: [00:45:31] Well, and that actually makes sense. Your last point, because what you were saying at the very beginning of the podcast is no, one's really thinking about how I laughed this morning. They're just not. And if that's the case, they're not going to know what I need. So I need to go ask for it.

Laura P. Martin: [00:45:46] And wasn't even asking for it. Like I often see, like when I get in a funk or something, I'll be like, Oh, like, what am I missing? And then I'm like, Oh, like, I haven't really talked to anyone other than like, people that work for me or like my clients. And like a couple of days I should probably call my friend.

Like this isn't even like calling her being like, Hey, I'm lonely. It's just like, how are you? And like, how's your diet? Like, what do I need right now? But how can I also be in service as I do that? Right? Like you can't just call someone and be like, I'm duh, duh, duh, duh. Like I need help. You don't want to put that on anyone's shoulders either, but like, if you need community, create that community in your life, put it, set it in your calendar, call a friend.

Join some kind of something happening in your community right now? And join something on Facebook, see something there and move forward.

Damaged Parents: [00:46:27] And just be who you

Laura P. Martin: [00:46:28] Yes. Yes.

Damaged Parents: [00:46:30] So, whatever that means in that moment,

what a great message to leave the listeners with, be who you are and love it.

Laura P. Martin: [00:46:38] Exactly.

Celebrate that everywhere.

Damaged Parents: [00:46:40] Thank you so much, Laura. I've really enjoyed getting to talk to you today.

Laura P. Martin: [00:46:45] Thank you so much for having me have a good rest of your day.

 Damaged Parents: [00:46:47] Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We've really enjoyed talking to Laura about how she overcame her self-destructive behaviors and stopped engaging in abusive relationships. We especially liked when she reminded us the story we tell ourselves is most often what we create in our lives. To unite with other damaged people connect with us on instagram look for damaged parents will be here next week still relatively damaged see you then