S2E3: Listening to the Unheard- an autism journey
Samko and Mishka Sibert
Mishka Sibert is an Inner Child Healer, Coach & Channeler for special needs siblings and moms and she’s also Founder of Happy Autism - a creative online business where her non-verbal autistic brother Samko is playing an important role of Creative Director advocating loud through his art. She hosts their very own Happy Autism Podcast where she shares my deeply personal and transformational stories from childhood and learnings to raise awareness for the mental health of special needs siblings and advocate for autism and showcase what amazing things autistics CAN do.
Through her gifts, vast knowledge, and experience she acts like a bridge between the neurotypical and beautifully neurodiverse world.
Social media and contact information:
IG: @mishkasibert @happyautism
email: mishka@happyautism.co
website: happyautism.co
Podcast Transcript:
[00:00:00] Damaged Parents: Welcome to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents where supportive, cheerleading, loving people come to learn. Maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged. Someone once told me it's safe to assume 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way. I would venture to say it's closer to 100%.
Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about. In my ongoing investigation of the damaged self, I want to better understand how others view their own challenges.
Maybe it's not so much about the damage, maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it. There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience? My hero is a damaged person. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side, whole.
Those who stared directly in the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover their purpose. These are the people who inspire me. To be more fully me, not in spite of my trials, but because of them let's hear from another hero. Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children.
This podcast is provided for informational purposes only, and is not intended as advice. The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them.
Today, we're going to talk with Mishka Sibert. She has many roles in her life, sibling to her brother with autism, founder of Happy Autism, daughter and more. We'll talk about how she learned to support and communicate with her brother. And how doing so help their family thrive. Let's talk.
Welcome back to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents today, we've got Mishka Sibert, an amazing woman. Her website is HappyAutism.co. She is just a beautiful spirit. And I know you're going to want to hear her story. Welcome to the show.
[00:02:17] Mishka Sibert: Thank you very much. How are you doing today? I love your t-shirt by the way.
[00:02:22] Damaged Parents: Oh, thank you. Yes. Yes. The Relatively Damaged t-shirt can be found on our website, at damagedparents.com. But I love this because it's a, all the different colors and you have a t-shirt on as well. And I'm betting. We can find those at HappyAutism.co. Am I right?
[00:02:38] Mishka Sibert: Yeah, look at us, girls promotion love shout out to the magic.
[00:02:45] Damaged Parents: Right, but there's something special about the art on your website. Tell our audience about that.
[00:02:53] Mishka Sibert: Yes. It's my brother. when he was 12, he started going to art therapy classes because he could not, be still and concentrate and he would not sit and he tried for like more than three minutes. so she said, I'd go into new school. And I said it going to University in London. and he started going into new school, that'd be had big changes in our life.
And he came home and brought this really beautiful first three paintings. We were like, whoa, this is really beautiful. Actually one of them was angel and another was flowers for mom. Another one was the one that.
we have in our spectrum collection. And it was the one, when I looked at it, I was like, this is no way my brother painted this.
What? Like, he doesn't know how to draw write read, like, he's not able to do so many things. And I was always believing that there's something. Like first I wanted him to be a model. Like I was always taking pictures of him and I was like, he's going to be connected to fishing for sure.
Like I just knew that I was like I had this feeling. And then, so he was painting. And we were just so in love with this. And we were like, Okay.
I knew he's got a future. I just felt it. I knew it somewhere. And we were just supporting him and really helping to express his own feelings and calm down.
and as it started developing and more and more, we realized he is very talented and now. My dream was always for him to be creative and independent and not for any teacher or anyone tell him what to do. So I documented it in an article that got lucky to got fund from Adobe and it was amazing.
And it was very emotional journey for me as a filmmaker to share a very personal story of my brother, but also to capture the beauty of our relationship and showcase how I believe in him. And how was leaning into trust instead of control and I was letting him guide me and show me what he wanted to say with his art.
So that's why we have. It's on our clothing because we want to make sure that he advocates for himself. He's earning his own money. He's the creative director of my business and he's making creative decisions and he's being seen and heard, even though he's nonverbal, he's got a very loud voice.
[00:05:01] Damaged Parents: I love what you said in the very last, even though he's nonverbal, he has a very loud voice. So I also heard you say he's the creative director for the business. I mean, those are big roles and he's, non-verbal
[00:05:14] Mishka Sibert: Yes. I know.
[00:05:16] Damaged Parents: I love that. That just says that that there's so much value in what he has to bring to the table.
And it sounds like even without being verbal, without communicating in the same way that we do you very much learned how he does communicate. And what was that journey like? Cause you were, what? Nine, when he was born.
[00:05:38] Mishka Sibert: Yes. I was nine when he was born. The thing is that, you know, he had this kind of regression, I think, happening around the age 2 around, so he started saying some words and making sounds of like, animals and like, riding a motorbike or car and all this kind of things. Like we had to kind of think it's funny because at the time I was actually recording something like podcasts for myself, just for myself, I was just being creative since
I was basically forever because my granddad was a TV director. So I was all around artists and media since I was a baby, literally. So, you know, My mom was performing pregnant in the theater, so. I am just an artist since I was a fetus, but anyway, so I was just like recording that and I was recording the sounds.
And I remember I was going in a tape and he, you have to say certain things. And then regression happened around two and half years and he stopped speaking less and less, and he was not saying any word, the only word he can say properly was mama. He calls me mama. He calls my mom mama. Well, I probably for a reason, cause I was like you said, kinda mom.
And he says maybe it just a few words, but , they don't really have a meaning in terms of our own language, but he can express himself, those words in a way that they have meaning in terms of him using his tonality, he's using his gesture, he's expressing his emotions through facial expression and also through energy and emotion.
So I started tapping into my own spiritual gifts as those kids. And I didn't know that what I'm doing actually, to be honest, now I know it's chatting and I know it's energy reading, and I know that we have this telepathic energy connection between us that I just know, and I can tap into his energy and know what he's feeling and what needs he needs to have met and like how he feels about things.
Like it just sensed it. He just sends his energy and I read it because I'm extremely intuitive and extremely sensitive and extremely empathic. And that kind of unlocked even more within me because I had, huge desire that are to understand him, like, he's my brother like, I didn't even know what autism is. So I was like, he's my brother.
And I felt very sad and heartbroken that I wanted to understand him. And I want to communicate with him. I want to play with him. So I was constantly just around him, like little needy little Mishka. And she wanted so much to connect with my brother, which I kind of like my mom. And I said, we kind of fell in love with him.
He's pure beautiful soul he's very special and very unique. That's how the journey came from being with a nonverbal, like now I understand him and I know, and I treat him. Like for me, the big thing was to start treating him. Like he understands, even though my mom's many questions as many times, even in his teenage years, even now when he's 18, but I had the feeling like I had to believe and trust my intuition and knowing, and I was like, let's try like, what we can lose?
Let's try that. He understands, let's try giving him the role. Let's try asking him questions and let's try having beliefs and going beyond our own limitations. And I was working a lot about my fears and limitations. And I'm like, what if there is more beyond what I believe to be true? What if there is more beyond what psychologists say and they would just say and told us when he was little, like he will not be able to do-do-do-do.
They didn't tell us what he will be able to do. He told us what he won't be able to do. So I was like, no, no, no. Let's see, I'm a believer. Let's just completely just crush all of this break, the walls. And my mom's shocked each time. He's like, whoa, he understands you. He really just understand a lot. And he understands what you're saying.
I don't talk to him like slowly, I would actually talk to him. Like, listen, bro. Yeah. I even like set a tone that it's like a business alike. I'm going to talk to him this weekend. I'm going to actually record a video about this because of how we talk, because it's very fascinating. It's in our last episode of Viral Dependent as well, when actually filmed us having these conversations.
And you can see like he's really listening and paying attention and he's showing he's very independent and I wanted to make him feel that he's got a voice and I really value him. My job was to let go of control and lean into trust and really, really let go of this control and just surrender and let him take control and tell me, and lead.
That was huge lesson for of me, but really changed our whole relationship and our business because I didn't want to be the one that constantly does everything and has to make the changes constantly be the strong woman and blah, blah, blah. I wanted him to be the man that comes and says this, and that's how it is.
And I respect that. And it's amazing. He's so confident in it.
[00:10:26] Damaged Parents: Yeah. I'd love that and at the same time, you, it sounds like had to step out of the way
[00:10:30] Mishka Sibert: Yes.
[00:10:31] Damaged Parents: because it sounds like in some ways, Your beliefs were even limiting the possibility of communicating. And when you were able to let go of that and say, no, let's just behave as if and now look, and I really liked that.
You talked about how there's like this intrinsic value that comes from that connection. He feels value and you feel value. Like it's a relationship. and while you are more capable, in some ways he's got this other artistic talent, this is different artistic talent. He's very capable in that way.
And he has his own opinions. And I think we forget to think about that as a society. You know, I think there are those of us who know that, and then there are those of us that just forget or we get into life and that's on the back burner.
[00:11:21] Mishka Sibert: True. Very true. It's very transformational for me and I very beautiful this whole journey, because we choose, you know, spent so much time together during quarantine. And since March, 2020, like it's just, we actually launched our own collection we would be launched our brand , in March, April, 2020.
So we like super productive. We spent so much time together filming YouTube videos and we're doing this and documentary and collection, and he's got five streams of income and he's got like so many things and we were just like, he was loving it. I was loving it. And he just is virtually saying no, like really boasting his no , with his energy and the way he just like, says it he doesn't have to say it he
shows up with this no when he doesn't want me to go and ask him and I would give him advices or whatever, he's like, It's just kind of like pushes me. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, I've got this. Okay. I've got it. Because before he was also constantly just leaning for the guidance and looking at me and doubting himself, like, should I use this color?
Should I use this brush? Because that's what he was taught at school. And I told my mom let's ditch his art classes. He's been going there for six years and I spoke to his teacher. And she didn't kind of click, you know we weren't aligned in beliefs and I was like, okay, fine, mom, let's end this art classes.
, I'm just taking the mentorship into my own hands. In that way that I know that I can mentor him in a way that I understand him and see him may see him. That's the whole point. It's like, I see him. I don't put him in a box.
[00:12:59] Damaged Parents: What is it that I think Susan, David says Sawubona. I see into you.
[00:13:04] Mishka Sibert: Yeah.
[00:13:04] Damaged Parents: what that word means. I love that word. Like that's what I'm hearing from you. I see him.
[00:13:09] Mishka Sibert: Yeah.
[00:13:10] Damaged Parents: not his physical limitations, not his limitations in this world, for lack of a better way to explain it. I see him this spiritual being that he is.
[00:13:20] Mishka Sibert: Exactly. Yes. You beautifully said it and put it into words because that's exactly how it is with us. And that's why I'm like huge advocated to like showing people, like I'm like a bridge I call myself the bridge and I call what happens under the bridge between the worlds we can say in your typical, in your diverse worlds, I can say physical, spiritual world.
Even when my mom sometimes calls me and she's like, Yeah. Like she sent me a voice message and for my brother and she was like, no, she sent me a voice message about herself taking a break and she wanted to go to spa or whatever for a few days. And she was trying to find you know, she was trying to organize like a assistant that would come with her so she could play with Samko in a pool, whatever and my mom could relax relaxed or something like that And, you know, she just want it to have a break and since Samko is on these with her only, I'm not there. He's aware that I'm away. And he knows he took this role really seriously. I told him that you need to have your men family right now. Like you need to help my mom. And he was there helping her. But what happened is
that he just said something in a voice message, like he wanted a part of the conversation. And he was like yo-yo-yo-yo or something like. Because that's his word yo-yo-yo and he said something , and I called my mom. I'm like, mom, I feel that Samko need your validation, that you're not going to leave him, that he's feeling kind of have fear of abandonment and that he needs your assurance that he needs to be reassure of your love and that you're not gonna leave him because he feels fragile and vulnerable because he's dependent on you.
And he also feels that you're going for changes and you're meeting new people and so on. And you're not constantly with him. Like you're in quarantine. So just talk to him, Like have an honest conversation with him and having a very mature and adult conversation with him. He's an adult. So she can see that exactly like what I need to hear, because sometimes I need to be reminded that to include him in a conversation.
I was like, yes exactly, he wants to be in a conversation and he wants to be aware. So she had a conversation with him, man. He was and I called him that he was super happy. He was like, Yeah.
So things like that are really important. You know, sometimes we forget about these things but it's very important.
[00:15:31] Damaged Parents: Yeah, it's kind of like, I'm going to make a Winnie the Pooh reference, but and although depression is not the same as kind of like making sure Eeyore invited whether Eeyore chooses to come or not. Right. Like the choice is there for them, I don't know if that made sense, but it did in my mind.
[00:15:48] Mishka Sibert: That's important. If you did in your mind, that's all good.
I feel you.
[00:15:53] Damaged Parents: Okay. I'm glad. I'm glad. So growing up though so, I mean, nine years old having this brother two years later, you're 11 when he starts regressing and much of a childhood? What happened there? I mean, I'm thinking there was probably some struggle along the way where this connection did not exist or maybe even you didn't want it to exist.
I don't know your whole story. So I would love to hear what that journey was like.
[00:16:19] Mishka Sibert: Well, yes. Like there was not much about Autism out there. We had some books, you know, we were told horror stories, whereas not much information or help or resources. So my parents struggled a lot but they were fighting over, trying to figure it out things. Even though they were told that we will have to go the same way constantly and just have routine.
My parents were like.
no, no, no, we're going to travel. We're going to go to places that are unknown. We're going to go to new places because we cannot stop traveling and going to holiday just because we're told that we are limited in this way because of well, it was very stressful obviously because we were already traveling with him so whatever, and it was very stressful.
And there was one moment. Which actually happened earlier before he was diagnosed. And I spoke about that in my podcast and it was very emotional for me. So share that, because that was one of the big kind of, uh, situations that cause kind of trauma and anxiety within me, which I wasn't aware until.
Like a few months ago and which is crazy. Right? and it was about that we were in Croatia, we were in a hotel room and I woke up in the evening to my brother crying in his little crib. He was 10 months old. And so I was at the time I was nine. So he's crying like hysterically and like a baby of course.
I don't see my parents anywhere. I don't have a phone. I didn't know. They left. I , couldn't leave the room. I felt like I'm in a prison. And like, imagine like I'm there sitting on a bed, woken up from sleep and he's crying and I'm just so stressed out because I don't know what to do and how to help him.
Like I was just, I remember that was sitting on a bed on the edge, the, of the bed, and it was just sitting there and trying to hold in him and trying to calm him down, crying with him. He was so hopeless and helpless. I have no idea what to do. I'm just a child with another child. And my parents, just nowhere.
So I felt very abandoned in the moment. And I felt that so overwhelmed by this, that I am having this huge responsibility for another life. And I had a baby, like, this is a life it's a very fragile being it's 10 months old.
You can't do anything. I can't even walk. Right. So I'm just holding him and I remembered that I spoke a little English, so I called and receptionist, and I told them, just crying in a phone is like, Hey, I don't know. My parents are, like, this is the room 402, whatever. and just like, could you just like find him or something? And then they came and of course it took care of the situation. And my mom completely forgot about the situation. And I told her now, and I told her how I realize that even though nothing's happening, my brother is just so chilled out.
He's very aware of danger. When he was a kid, he would constantly, we would go for a walk and he would choose run. Like I would try to hold him in my hand. But he would not care about any danger. They would be a dog walking past as he would go and push the dog. And I had always horror situations like, Okay.
the dog bite him did, I will have a problem with the owner.
If there's some child, he will push a child because he wants to have physical contact or some communication. They will shout at me. There's another danger.
Then we have cars around going very fast. They will kill him. So I have horror stories in my head. I'm like 12 or 13 and he will just not hold my head and he will fight me. He will spit at me, have a meltdown. It's just too much. So these would happen a lot. And the first year of after his diagnoses were just the worst and he would have meltdowns, he would have this crazy, just like crying constantly.
Even if my grandparents came to visit us, he would just cry. to like scream, cry, like, like if someone was like cutting him or something, like he was horrible. And I would not have a calm moment. I shared a room with him. We literally have bunk beds. I had no space. I had no private space at all.
And I didn't feel safe. And also, I just felt constantly stressed. This is a big thing for me than I realized that when I left to study in London, I would burn out and I would have panic attacks in the lounge. Crowded places. I was anxious a lot, and I feel like London wasn't a dream city but then I didn't realize how much I need.
calm spaces and how much I need quiet and peace and quiet for me and how much I need nature. So I was very, very, very much struggling in that city, even though it was like my dream and professionally, it was wonderful. But spiritually and mentally was the worst for me. But then it forced me to actually pay attention to my mental health and started really digging deep and taking care of myself.
[00:21:14] Damaged Parents: Yeah.
[00:21:14] Mishka Sibert: This was very big thing. So even though there's nothing much happening, like even around him, like I tell them I cannot travel with him. Like, , I cannot, because I know that this responsibility is going to be on me and I'm already responsible for, you know, it was just like, I would always carry someone else's responsibilities.
And I had to put the very strict boundaries in my relationship with my family.
[00:21:35] Damaged Parents: So you're talking about, like when you were growing up, you didn't want to travel with him or does he not travel? You don't travel with him now still, or?
[00:21:43] Mishka Sibert: Um, No, we travel, but , it was always stressful. So he loved traveling right now. He really does love that, but it was a lot of stress for us and still yes, even though, you know, I'll just go beyond kind of like when he was little, he wouldn't do things like priority boarding and things like that.
A special needs kind of assistance. Now I do that. I'm like, let's spoil us not him. He's spoiled already, but let's spoil us. Let's get the support, like he's 18, but I now I'm asking for support. We. should have done this like ages ago, but we didn't know about this. So now I'm just like, yeah.
treat us like Kings and Queens, because like we're so stressed. We need to just like chill.
[00:22:23] Damaged Parents: Well, and that's a hard journey, I think too, because , it sounds like you took on so much for yourself. You know, You were talking about being worried for him all the time. What you had to think about everything that would possibly go wrong. In your teenage years, I'm thinking that this is happening and all of a sudden, so now maybe there's this idea that that is your job.
So how did you shift? I mean, it sounds like you just stayed in that because that's what you knew for some time, but when did that shift and when did it open up and go, oh, wow. Maybe I don't need to be this way anymore.
[00:22:57] Mishka Sibert: That's a very good question. Because of course. It's straight away like it took some time. I started seeing negative effects very big ones are two catalyst is moments for me and my life. One was in 2016 when I burned out like very bad burn out. And I said, I have a depression and anxiety and panic attacks.
Like it's just, everything was bad. I was just like a zombie. two times in my life, I was a zombie. 2016 and 2019, 2016 was when I burned out. And I realized that I'm just stretching myself too thin. And I'm just trying to please everyone. I'm constantly just saying yes to everything.
I'd taken too many responsibilities in my life.
[00:23:36] Damaged Parents: So when you say zombie, is it more like, that you were there and going through the motions or is it more like, just numb to the world do you see what I'm saying? , what is your definition of zombie?
[00:23:49] Mishka Sibert: For me, it's just like having no life. Cause I'm very much, you know, like people knew me as a very positive was very happy and just very like kind of light and bubbly and joyful and , good energy. But there's another thing, many people didn't know that I hiding a lot behind a smile.
Like I did not process my feelings as a child. I didn't even know how to navigate my emotions. And I was constantly tired a lot because I didn't know how to manage it. Obviously Most likely I was depressed as a child as well, because I had suicidal thoughts when I was 12. I felt like I'm a burden to my mom and I'm adding more to her.
And when she, just like told me off for not making a bed. And I felt like this is the worst thing ever. And it's funny, you know, that was around the time when my brother was diagnosed. So I was like, maybe if I jumped out of his window, like she will no longer have that many problems. And I will just lift the weight off of her shoulders.
They were my thoughts when I was 12 and I didn't, of course do it, but because I'm here. Right. But like, it's just for me realizing that now, like I just kind of remembered that moment last year. When it kind of, my inner child came to me show where me, I was like, this is something you need to release these emotions.
So I released this emotion from the age of 12 at the age of 26. And it was a lot of us, a lot of pain of loneliness and not feeling seen and heard and feeling neglected and abandoned. And just feeling like whatever I do, I will never be enough. And that I'm not enough because. I mean, I called this, the helper character and that's to call a sacrifice mindset.
These two kind of like things I call was just like, define that, I was earning love for being the helper because I realized that, oh, so this is how I get this attention that I'm really seeking. This is how I get deep love. People tell me, well, you're such a good sister. Oh, it's so amazing what you're doing for a brother.
Like now you kind of tr- no I wouldn't say trigger me, but seems like, yes, but like, I didn't want it to be my only identity that I'm special ed sibling.
[00:25:53] Damaged Parents: It's like what I'm hearing you say, because we talked earlier about your brother and how you see him. And yet it sounds like you didn't feel seen for so long
that your, soul , was just scared and sad and suffering.
[00:26:09] Mishka Sibert: Yes exactly. Because you know, a sibling that I spoke to at a beautiful young event around my age who have bothers or siblings that are on autism spectrum. And they told me that, yeah, that like you were talking about this and they're like, wow, the first time someone actually understands me, like my whole life.
Nobody understood me. Like, no one, no friends, no, my parents didn't understand. Like no one I feel seen for the first time. Like, this is just so beautiful. I would cry. Like we cried, like both of us, we were just literally felt like we are sisters on the soul level and it was so beautiful. And we're like, oh, like we're giving something, through our inner children that we wished we had when we were children.
Someone that could be unsafe. It's like, yeah, you met her as well. Like. you do matter. And, cause we had to make a kind of mindset. That's like, oh my needs. I'm not important because they're not special. Like right I don't have any disability or anything like that, or it's not seen. So because this happens actually too late diagnosed autistics that are women.
And I spoke to one of them Vicky. And she said that her sister is more visibly disabled than she is. , She was diagnosed very late. I think it's 27. I'm not sure. And she said that, yes. So I was overlooked constantly and neglected as a child. So she was a very fighting hard to get her diagnosis and it took her three time to actually get the diagnosis so she could be seen and validated that yes, she's got right to get help and support, which is crazy if we look at that.
It's just that we have to fight to be seen. That's like, it's a big thing.
[00:27:46] Damaged Parents: Yeah, I think that might be part what you said was really important. And I think that might be part of the problem is that people aren't just inherently seen and heard, it's like, you have to fight there's this, no, I am struggling. And even just in how you have to get supports from government or, things like that.
If you don't go take on this identity of, I am not operable. It seems like right. That I am fully disabled, then there's like, well, you don't need help. And that's not true. Like we all need help. Just some of us might need it differently than other people. I think. And the other thing I heard or that I picked up on that I thought was really interesting was that you had these feelings of not being seen and heard.
And it seems like it was really clear that you could see that in your brother, but it took some time for you to recognize that even in yourself and to start. Maybe loving that part of you that didn't get that. And when you did that, was it freeing? Was it just like a piece? What feelings came with that?
[00:28:59] Mishka Sibert: Well, in that. 2016, when I burned out, my friends talked about this kind of regression therapy inner child something like it's like one method. And I immediately was like, Woah and that's where I started doing this, you know, inner child and trauma work. And I did it with a practitioner for three hours.
I was just crying and crying and crying and releasing so much that I handled. And they sat on me. It was so freeing because this woman, I was actually healing another wound and this woman was so supporting us. So such a strong person that was in my room, sitting there and just saying, keep going, keep going.
Don't give up, you've got this. You can do it Mishka and I was just releasing so much pain. And after that session, I felt like I'm on a cloud. I felt so light and felt so free, peaceful. So I started doing those sessions and I did a few of them with her. And then later on, I started learning how to do that for myself.
And I started going through a lot of spiritual healing dealing with different modalities but for the big one at the moment that it changed my life was this one and that was the connection to my inner child. And I just realized that what I do. I see the inner child in people, and I have very special connection to children as well.
And especially those ones that are like autistic or special needs so I see them, right. So I started seeing myself,
[00:30:25] Damaged Parents: Yeah. Your spirit lights up when you're like, I see them. And I'm thinking, yeah, I know that like when you said it, that resonated is true and just based on our conversation, how could you not see them, you've been around your brother for so long that you recognize it and that's just, oh, that's so beautiful.
[00:30:44] Mishka Sibert: Very, very beautiful.
For me, I just realized, wow, like, this is my purpose. This is the whole kind of like the circle lights up, all the puzzle connects and it clicks like, of course, like I had to start seeing myself more. I was seeing myself and the little girl inside of me and listening to her and caring for her and re-parenting her and given her what
my parents could not give, because obviously they were not, provided everything as children and he's like generational. So I say doing this work and a lot and a lot, and just like feeling myself and accepting myself and loving on myself and having compassion for everything and releasing this guilt and forgiven myself on everyone.
And that's how I could. See myself, even in my brother, even more. And that's what helped that relationship. That was the key thing, healing myself in order to heal our relationship and all the trauma that I experienced with him. And that's how we could establish healthier and healthier relationship where we both seen equally. And that is the biggest thing for me. It's that the middle, it's not just sacrificing myself and being in the caregiver role, but actually to allow myself to have my own life and identity without that special needs sibling box and also being there for him and having this beautiful connection with him, that is the kind of the middle. Where I wish and all the siblings were in their own way. There'll be a seeing their own unique way, because what I see is so much pain and so much trauma and so much resentments towards their siblings and so many toxic, a very, very hurtful relationships between families and siblings. Sometimes they cut their family completely.
And I say very nasty things and their parents, you'll see them, it's just very painful for me and heartbreaking when I read those stories and messages.
[00:32:43] Damaged Parents: So the parents sometimes with the autistic children, don't spend time with those kids or, shipped them off or whatever. And then, okay. I didn't realize that was still happening.
[00:32:54] Mishka Sibert: Yes. , it's still under so many adults, siblings that are really like, even they try to do help their sibling, but their parents are like, standing away , and just not accepting and not seeing things because siblings don't, siblings see things differently, right. If there is something happening and if the parents are letting them, the sibling, that for example, is autistic take advantage of their own situation and just be abusive or take good advantage in the negative way.
Like the sibling sees that many times and the parents don't want to see that they don't want to hear, which is very painful because it's not a good for anyone. It's not good for the autistic one to, to be manipulative , and being, you know, like it's, it's such codependency and happening over there.
So I could see it in my brother when he was little. I could actually see that when he was spoiled and when he was taken advantage of the fact that he's the center of attention. I spotted it. I was like, man, and there's something happening. Like he knows what he's doing. He's very aware. It's just like, oh Yeah.
thank you for telling me and I'm so grateful that my mom was like that, that she was actually listening.
And she was trying to always be fair and treat us with fairness and equality, which is why I'm so grateful for that. Because in that way, my voice could be heard in some ways. And obviously she tried to be the best mom and she feels a lot of guilt when I was trying these things with her. But I told her mom, like, I don't blame.
You know, , I love you. And I'm so grateful for you. It's my job to heal all of this. And I'm very blessed and grateful that I know how to do that. And I can show others how to be that. And then I can guide them and help them
[00:34:32] Damaged Parents: Yeah.
[00:34:33] Mishka Sibert: because we're all in this together. Like your inner child, who was not seen many times do you have mother wounds you have father wounds you have own things.
So I helped her heal that also showing her, and that's how she knows now, like what's happening and she can feel more. She can feel whole and we can be whole people it's we're not perfect. Okay. Of course not , but we are able to have those tough conversations and. As part some could have been on toxic behavior and really try to bring as much healthy approach as possible, but it's a journey.
[00:35:09] Damaged Parents: Yeah, I've really loved your, because you're an inner child, healer and coach and channeler, which we didn't say. I did not say that at the beginning of the podcast, but I don't know that you're just an inner child, healer, coach and channeler I think you're like. A family healer the something amazing, like, just from how you're talking about, it's not about just the autistic child.
It's not just about the child. That's not autistic. it's not just about the parents. It's like this whole family unit and you can see how it connects. And I really think that's beautiful. yeah, we are at that point in the podcast, though,
where I asked for three tips or tools, I do not tell you ahead of time, I'm going to ask for this.
So the only way you would know is if you listened So, Because I believe that the universe. Whatever, however you choose to believe that whatever we're supposed to hear as listeners or in this specific podcast will be what pops into your mind in this moment. So three tips or tools,
[00:36:08] Mishka Sibert: Okay. And three tips on tools,
for what specific you would, like to know anything
[00:36:13] Damaged Parents: anything , we're going to trust the universe, God, or your beliefs.
[00:36:18] Mishka Sibert: Funny, because first thing came to me, which I would not, if you asked me to form or something like that I wouldn't probably put it there, but straight what came to me is the breathwork cause that's what I'm focusing on. A lot of now being present and being in my body, being in body and feeling safe in body is life-changing so breathwork and embodiment.
Those two tools for me are absolute life-changing and. And inner child talk is the third one, which I can just describe it a little. It's basically is like, imagine your self as a little child, or you can even look at a photo and tell that little girl or boy what you wish your parents would tell you. And say those things like you're beautiful.
You're smart. I love you. I'm here for you. You're safe. And just to kind of like, this is the connection that you can start having with that part within you and really listen, even if you could journal, like I tell my clients journal, ask your inner child what they want to tell you what she wants to tell you what he wants to tell you.
Like, just like start writings. Like, what does my inner child want to know, like, how does my inner child want me to treat her or him? And this way you can create this beautiful connection and also like provide for yourself the deepest, most beautiful love and compassion and healing that there is
I believe
[00:37:46] Damaged Parents: I'm so glad I got to have you on the show. We've got Mishka Siebert here with she's from Happy Autism. She's on Instagram with both of those tags @mishkasibert and @happyautism, or you can go to her website, happyautism.co. And I hope you buy a shirt.
[00:38:03] Mishka Sibert: Yes, support my brother and us
[00:38:04] Damaged Parents: That's right. That's right. Thank you so much.
[00:38:10] Mishka Sibert: Thank you so much. It was such a pleasure and such a beautiful,
conversation, and I really love your energy and everything. Thank you very much.
[00:38:18] Damaged Parents: Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We've really enjoyed talking to Mishka, about how she helped to keep her brother engaged in life. We especially liked when she spoke about how important and vital her brother is in the company they have together to unite with other damaged people.
Connect with us on Facebook. Look for damaged parents we'll be here next week. Still relatively damaged. See you then.
