Episode 68: From Fear to Fulfilment

Emma Lyons

Founder of Experience True Self, Emma has over 10 years’ experience helping 100s of people to create more fulfilment, joy, and abundance in their lives through her energy healing work and Kundalini yoga.

She has first-hand experience of transitioning from a planned career as a Human Rights lawyer to energy work and yoga. On this journey she had to overcome deep-seated fears that held her back for many years from stepping into her power and becoming successful. This, combined with her detailed understanding of trauma and its impact on subconscious belief systems, means she can easily guide people to release the limiting beliefs and fears at the core of procrastination, impostor syndrome, lack of confidence and self-doubt that can hold people back from finding fulfilment, joy, and success in their lives. She teaches how you can have it all in your business and personal life and helps purpose-driven women find their sweet spot of success balancing making great money and finding true fulfilment doing what they love.

Social media and contact information: Facebook: Female Passion-Driven Entrepreneurs: Success through fulfilment, abundance and joy https://www.facebook.com/groups/impactpassionpreneur
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/emma-lyons-b482021b3/  
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb5VNY45rB8TKUpS3NHX8VQ
Insta: https: //www.instagram.com/experience_true_self/
clubhouse:  @emmalyons

Podcast Transcript:

Damaged Parents: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents where fearful unfulfilled lost people come to learn maybe just maybe we're all a little bit damaged  Someone once told me it's safe to assume 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way. I would venture to say it's closer to 100%.

Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than. Like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about. In my ongoing investigation of the damage self, I want to better understand how others view their own challenges.

Maybe it's not so much about the damage, maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it. There is a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience? My hero is the damaged person. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side, whole.

Those who stared directly into the face of adversity with unyielding persistence to discover their purpose. These are the people who inspire me to be more fully me. Not in spite of my trials, but because of them. Let's hear from another hero. Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advice. The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them.

Today, we're going to talk with Emma Lyons. She has many roles in her life, sister, sibling, cousin, friend, healer, and more. We'll talk about how she had a planned career as a human rights lawyer that didn't fall in line with her purpose. And how she found health and healing let's talk

 Welcome back to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We've got Emma Lyons with us. Founder of experienced true self. Emma has over 10 years experience helping hundreds of people to create more fulfillment, joy, and abundance in their lives, through her energy healing work and Kundalini yoga. Thank you for being here, Emma.

Emma Lyons: [00:02:17] It's my pleasure to be here Angela and great to connect with you.

Damaged Parents: [00:02:22] Yeah. it's fantastic. Okay. So for those that don't know, energy healing work and Kundalini yoga, we need to know.

Emma Lyons: [00:02:30] Okay.

Well, energy healing work. It's all about um, another way, when you're you feel an emotion you've got like that energy, it's It's like, you feel something in your body and it's not a physical thing necessarily. Or you might feel a tightness or something like emotions they can, when we don't release them, when we don't express them, they kind of get stuck there.

I'm like, you don't want to get something stuck in your throat. I mean, I know I've had that, you know, an often It can be, something that you want to say that you're not saying, or you're not expressing something. And it's like that, like energy can get stuck in your body. Or in your energy system.

And it might be holding you back from doing or saying things are, it's all about belief systems. You know, If you have like a belief system that something is impossible, you won't even try. So the work that I do is to kind of find those energy blocks and those beliefs blocks,  and then, releasing them.

So there is a kind of talking component to the type of healing I do. And then we kind of clear out the energy. So it's like, talking therapy. And then we're we go that extra step to release whatever is in the way blocking there because we, we hold onto these things because part of us feels like this is what we have to do to be safe.

Like the child parts of you, very typical one. I work with a lot of entrepreneurs and, they have a lot of money blocks. You might've been told as a child that you know, that, rich people are bad. We have to work really hard to make money.

Do you know people who are rich are greedy? you know, Then when you're, when you've grown up, when you're an entrepreneur and you're trying to make money, you're trying to make more, that voice that little child is like, no, if we make too much money, then my family won't love me. Then it won't be part of my tribe.

And that's like a survival thing for that part of you. So while you're consciously want to move forward and, reach the next level of success, if it doesn't feel safe for you at a kind of deep, emotional, energetic level, if you like. You are gonna sabotage yourself. I've seen it in myself as well. You know, We get really close to getting something and then it's like, you pull the rug out from underneath your feet and then you're right back. This is like classic, you know, self-sabotage and it's because of the part for part of you, but maybe it's not the conscious part does the conscious part of you wants to be rich, wants to be a millionaire.

But if you have like this trauma, these beliefs deep in your unconscious. You're gonna, you're not going to let that happen because you know, making a few bucks is less important than safety and survival. Does that make sense?

Damaged Parents: [00:04:54] It really does. One of the things you said was the energy gets stuck. And then you also talked about emotions and I recently read a book where it actually, I think it said something to the effect, that E motion. Energy in motion. Yeah.

Emma Lyons: [00:05:11] Exactly. That's really perfect. That's a perfect segue because emotions, they want to move know, when, when we suppress it, oh, I shouldn't be angry. Oh, I shouldn't. We push it down. We push it down and  you know, maybe we smoke or do something to drink or do something we want to numb ourselves because it doesn't feel good.

Let's be real, you know, and rather letting ourselves really express and be that emotion. We push it down and it comes up in other ways, you know, it doesn't go away. Children know how to really be totally in the moment with their emotions, like they can be really, really angry, have a tantrum on the next day, like the are the next moment, rather, it's all forgotten.

And they're like, they've totally moved on. But as adults, a lot of people, you know, we have to relearn how to do that. We're like, hold on to it. And it becomes this resentment. so say for example, anger, it lasts like five seconds, I think, you know, pure anger. And then after that, it's type of hardness into resentment and that's what we hold on to.

And that creates like blockages in the body. And it will hold you back from the success that you want.

Damaged Parents: [00:06:14] Got it. Okay. Now, Kundalini yoga.

Emma Lyons: [00:06:18] So Kundalini yoga it's like first of all,  I think a lot of the yoga that we have in the west, it's very much really about the physical body. And I think in some instances it's become like a, Instagram, yoga and how great it looks. Well, I really feel like that's kind of getting away from what yoga is all about.

Yoga is a consciousness practice and the postures are one, component of reaching that state of union. But, it's original form. Yoga was the posture is obviously. But also meditation. So almost the postures are a way of preparing yourself to get into that state of union to get into that meditative state and the postures in itself can be a meditation.

 And so meditation, projection of the mind visualization, also different modra or hand postures. Yeah and  I'm think I feel like I'm leaving something out. so it works on lots of different levels. And I think the yoga that we have in the west, a lot of times, the real focus is on the body, which is great, but it kind of leaves out these other.

Big elements that can really help people oh and mantra was the one that I forgot. So a mantra it's just, these are all just different components to help you reach that union stage. And what I feel like in some types of yoga, people have kind of taken it on. It's become a kind of ego thing.

It's become a kind of competitive thing, which to me it's not, it's, there's nothing wrong with it, but I would argue that it's not yoga anymore because it doesn't have that awareness around it. Doesn't have that idea of creating the union with between yourself and the universe, all that is whatever, whatever you want to call it.

Does that make sense? So I feel like in the west, a lot of times people we've kind of lost that connection a little bit.

Damaged Parents: [00:08:01] Yeah. So what I hear you saying is that yoga in the pure sense is really a union between who someone is and where they are in the universe and creating. The bond for lack of a better word, like wasn't an avatar, the bond or whatever they called it.

Emma Lyons: [00:08:24] Yeah. So it's like you becoming connected to everything you recognizing that you're more than your physical body. You unifying with your higher self with, recognizing that there's no separation, that a separation is an illusion. This is what yoga is all about us. And I feel like.

Sometimes, if we just focus on the posture side of things, you know, when it becomes a competitive thing, it can, become very ego driven,  which is kind of the antithesis of what yoga is really about, which is, breaking free of the ego and recognizing that we're all connected.

Damaged Parents: [00:08:57] Yeah, that makes a lot of sense to me, based on everything you're saying and brings me around to the question you had planned to become a human rights lawyer.

Emma Lyons: [00:09:09] Yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:09:10] What happened because you say after that you found your purpose. So I really want to hear the journey.

Emma Lyons: [00:09:16] Okay, well, I always wanted to help people from when I was a child. I'm very empathic so I can feel other people's stuff. And I was like, I want to help people that was like the drive. And I thought, working in human rights would be a really good way of doing that.

So I thought human rights law I'll become a human rights lawyer. And so I went off and I did a master's in human rights law. And then I did like a law course, like to prepare to go on off to, become a lawyer. And after I did all that. When I did my human rights thing, I was in the west bank actually as well.

So I was there. And then I came and did the more national law side of things. And then after, dragging myself through that a few miserable years, You know, It's a bit dry, it's quite intellectual. As opposed to human rights law, which is, a slightly different thing, international law I realized that I just couldn't go on, I couldn't do it anymore.

That it wasn't this wasn't, it's not something to get into, you know, if you don't really want to. And I just realized that, you know, it wasn't for me. And then I had this, you know, it was freaky. It was really scary at the time. Cause I felt like I had no purpose anymore. It felt like, who am I? Why am I here?

What am I supposed to do? So it was kind of like I had that dark night of the soul existential crisis where I just didn't know who I was. I felt like life had no purpose. you know, It was really struggling. It was really feel felt there was no point in going on.

Damaged Parents: [00:10:36] So it was before you realized. Before you had that feeling of, I have no purpose before you made the decision, then you're like, now what there's I have no purpose. What did you recognize inside yourself that you thought, well, I need to really look at this road. I'm going down.

Emma Lyons: [00:10:54] Well, this is the thing, cause I am. I didn't know. I had no idea. I had no idea. I had like zero idea and I was just like, my mind was going crazy. I was not in a good place. like I said, I was like, what's the point anymore? So it was having those kinds of really negative thoughts and I felt really hopeless. And I started looking for healing for myself actually. And this is how I came to Kundalini yoga. I'd actually came across Kundalini a book about Kundalini when I was traveling in Latin America a few years before. So , I started looking for Kundalini yoga, and Kundalini yoga is a very kind of like, it's not just purely physical for me.

It really went very deep, but went to the depth that I needed. And once I did a few classes about it, I was like I have to teach this and I didn't know where that was coming from. And I also came across this I was out of mind, body spirit exhibition. I came across this, these people, doing energy work.

I did it. And then I decided, instead of paying someone to do it, I'll learn how to do it myself. So I was all about my own healing journey at that point. Then, when I started going to the classes and learning about it, people were remarking. And then I have like an aptitude for it.

And it was very easy for me. And I was able to see and feel things and kind of get to places that, might've been more difficult for other people or they might not have seen or felt. So I realized I had an aptitude for this. And then, I realized that this is what I want to do. But that wasn't the end of the journey.

Cause I, I initially thought, once I figured it out, All the stars will align, the sun will shine upon me and the path will open and everything will become clear. And, that's just not the way it happens. That's not the way it happened for me anyway, I should say because we, you really have to meet, meet your destiny halfway.

And you know what I realized is  I had all these limiting beliefs about, I can't do what I'm passionate about. If it's easy, you can't make money doing that. Remember when I told my mom, for example, if you don't understand this work at all and probably never will. When I told my mom I wanted to do this, I got like a half hour lecture down the phone as to why that was a terrible idea.

And it's just very fear-based and I still kind of get that. So I don't really talk about the work that I do with my parents. Cause they're just not on that wave length, but that definitely set me back quite a bit as well. And also you know I've taken on all the stuff like I was saying. The child, part of me wants my parents to love me, wants them to approve of me.

So for years I was like struggling to get this thing working. And that part of me was like, no, we want our parents to love us.  If we do that, they won't love me. You know? So it's not a logical thing. It's very much an emotional thing. And it wasn't conscious because consciously I want it to be successful, but on a deeper level, it was not safe for me.

So I was holding myself back for a long time. I had every single sabotage going, I thought I had to choose. I thought I had to choose between doing what I loved and, I couldn't make money doing that way are, or, get some kind of nine to five to support myself.

Those were the choices that I thought I had. I thought I couldn't make money doing what I loved. And I really feel like, Yeah.

that's one of my missions now to really help people recognize that they can have both, you don't need to choose between doing what excites you? What makes you feel alive and making great money?

You can actually have both. You can find success. And that is true success. Actually, when you find your sweet spot and you're doing what you love and you're making great money, because I see lots of people they're doing what their love, they love and they're struggling. Because there's this really, there's also this deep seeded belief.

That money is bad. No, you shouldn't make money for healing  I had all these limitations and they were all self-inflicted. It took me a long time to really work through them and come out the other side and really make that decision that this was what I was going to do when I really feel like I'm very driven to do this.

For me there it's like this or nothing, I don't know what else that I could do. And I felt like this for a long time, but it's taken me a while to really overcome those, negative belief patterns that I had within myself that were getting in the way of me actually doing it and really committing to it and then not committing to be successful.

Damaged Parents: [00:15:03] Right. And it sounds like when you figured out where your purpose was, I mean, you really felt it in your heart, it sounds like.

Emma Lyons: [00:15:10] Absolutely. Yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:15:12] And then you got into your head about how it was going to happen.

Emma Lyons: [00:15:15] Yeah. Yeah, definitely. And also I.

had a, I did get into my head about how it was going to happen. Also. I had like, well, how am I going to make money doing the, this I'm not good enough. I'm not, they're doing it, but they're much better than me. You know, I was comparing myself to other people. I thought that me personally, I'm not good enough to make money doing this, you know, so I had a lot of self doubt, a lot of fears around also visibility blocks, which is a lot of, being seen, you know, what are people going to say?

What are my parents

going to say?

Damaged Parents: [00:15:47] What do you mean

by visibility blocks?

Emma Lyons: [00:15:50] I mean, you know, when you, especially when you do this kind of work, that's a bit more, outside the box, you know, if you, if you like there are all these fears that can come up about are, even if you're not, even if you just do, setting up your own business, you know, all these fears about what are people gonna think.

What are they going to think of me? you have to put yourself out there. You have to unashamedly, put yourself out there and not give a damn about what anyone thinks. And I really cared about what other people thought of me. That was another huge obstacle that I had to overcome.

Fear of being. rejected, you know, getting the sales part, Right.

Recognizing that, you know, sales is a service. It's not like you're trying to push something on someone it's like offering this as a service. And knowing that what I do is valuable. Cause what I see a lot of people, they want to do very valuable work, but if they don't on some level recognize the value of what they do.

Other people. Have that same feeling and don't recognize the value of what they do either. So success is very much an inside job. It's not because the strategies, this why I'm so passionate about this because I've done loads of courses about, sales and marketing and everything.

But the thing is, if you don't have the rights and it's not even a mindset, it's like slightly deeper than a mindset that, you know, if you don't, if you're not clear that this is what you want and you're, you haven't cleared out the traumas and the stuff that's going to keep you going around in circles.

That's exactly what you're going to do. Keep going round in circles. And it doesn't matter how much you spend on the best coaches until you deal with this stuff. Like what was it? Um, Carl Jung said, you know, if you don't clear out that stuff from the subconscious, you're going to call that fate

I can't remember the exact quote. Now, you'll have all this misfortune and you'll just say that it's fate, but it's actually, and this can be difficult for people to recognize, but it's also really empowering when you recognize that you're actually creating that, that fate cause then you can change it all.

You can change all. It's not like you're on unlucky. It's like you're creating this pattern and that gives you the power to change it so it's not some fatalistic universe, it's you can actually change yourself. You don't have to change anything outside yourself. Success is 100% an inside job, and you've got to really, really, really believe in yourself.

Otherwise. No one else will.

Damaged Parents: [00:18:07] Yeah. And it sounds like what you're describing. When I think of that, I think of self fulfilling prophecies.

Emma Lyons: [00:18:13] Yeah. Yeah.

And people do that. They don't recognize they're doing it they think they're unlucky. They think, you know, everything's against them. They think, it's too hard, they don't recognize that they're creating that within themselves. And now I've done that plenty myself.

I'm not doing this in any kind of judgemental way. But the idea is that this is empowering actually, because if you're creating it yourself, then you have the power to change. Once you take responsibility for the way things are. Since that can be challenging for some people. It's like, if I want to leave down the set of keys, I have to pick it up first.

And it's the same with, trauma, drama, and most stoke emotions. You've got to look at it first, so you don't need to re-experience it. You don't need to retraumatize yourself. You don't need to lie on a couch and talk about it for 10 years. You just need to recognize it's there. Recognize what it's doing there.

What's the purpose of it cause it's not there for no reason you're holding onto it because it feels safe. It's maybe  it's all you're used to. Like if you all, you know, is disappointment that's the normal, that's the comfort zone for you?

That's the comfort zone for your child. That's the comfort zone for you? You know, It's going to be very, very hard to break out of that until you recognize. Okay. So this disappointment and you recognize that you can be safe without carrying us. Cause that disappointment is like a shield. It's a protection so that you won't be disappointed again, and it's not rational, but that's the way it works.

We think that by holding on to this, it's going to keep us safe  from it happening again. But actually the opposite is true. It keeps recreating that pattern.

Damaged Parents: [00:19:45] Okay. So by holding onto it, it sounds like I'm going to create it more in my life than less. So if I'm trying to avoid. Disappointment So we're on the same page. If I'm trying to avoid at all costs disappointment and I'm holding on because I'm scared, then I'm going to basically rinse and repeat and keep doing this over and over and over again.

Emma Lyons: [00:20:10] 100%. That's exactly how it works because you've got this vibration of disappointment in your energy field. That's like your comfort zone. So you're going to keep recreating this pattern of disappointment. Like for example, me, I was stuck in this pattern for while a long time. Disappointment frustration, disappointment, frustration, Tony Robbins calls it a crazy eight

These are the primary emotions that you feel, if you kind of think about what are the main emotions you feel in your life, and often you'll find that you kind of rotate between two or so main, main emotions. And if you want to break out of that, you know, requires no looking in. Well, how is it serving me?

Cause, cause it is serving, you are some part of you thinks that it's serving you because it's keeping you safe from more disappointment. You know, If you let go of disappointment, I'll be even more disappointment because I'll buy into something bigger and be more disappointed.

So what's the point in life. So you hold on to this, the hold onto this. Cause it's like keeping you safe from more disappointment coming in.

Damaged Parents: [00:21:09] Yeah. It's almost like what I'm hearing you say is letting go of the idea of control. I mean, you have to let go of the disappointment, which sounds like almost a free fall.

If it's something that I've held on to, for instance, my challenge is not disappointment, but let's say it's something I've held on to for so long.

If I let go. That's that can be terrifying. So I'm thinking you've walked through those feelings yourself and can tell us what that's like.

Emma Lyons: [00:21:40] Well, Yeah.

because this becomes your identity. We take on these feelings and we kind of conflate it with who we are. So we don't know who we are with that disappointment or sadness or frustration or anger or whatever, we all know, like you might not be addicted to alcohol or drugs or something.

But most people are addicted. Some, they have some kind of emotional addiction, like, because emotions are, it's like chemistry in the body, when you feel anger, certain chemicals are released and your body can actually get addicted to that, I'm sure we've all met people who are angry at them for no reason.

They're like addicted to getting angry, nothing happens and they'll find a reason to get angry. But you know, if you keep recreating, say let's pick another one. Anger or sadness. Say sadness.

You have like, you keep recreating that sadness.

You always find a reason to be sad. You'll always find a reason to be sad. And you know what you look for you find. Cause if you look around the world today, There are many reasons to be sad. And if you look around your life, no, you couldn't find some reason to be sad about something because what you look for in find, but in the Bible they say seek and you shall find, and that's really true.

So what you're looking for you find like if you look around the room now and look for brown, look for things that are brown, just in a few seconds. Right? So look at, so those things you find anything that was brown?

Damaged Parents: [00:23:07] Of course I did. it's like asking me , not to think of a pink elephant.

Emma Lyons: [00:23:11] Yeah, exactly. Well, I'm sure. Look, a few. If you look closely, maybe you kind of made the things that are slightly black you made them brown for the sake of this exercise, because what you're looking for, you conflate, you're looking for. So anything that can be kind of brown, you make it brown, so you see, you see more of what you're looking for and , you create, more, right?

Damaged Parents: [00:23:31] Yeah. And it's reminding me of confirmation bias.

Emma Lyons: [00:23:35] Absolutely. That's exactly what it is. Yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:23:38] Because I believe it's there or that there has to be brown things here. I will look around, although I know I have brown things, I definitely have brown things, but you know, that I will also confirm that that's what is here. Anyway, and then I might even take it further in the rest of the day.

like, let's just say, that's an emotion, right. And we're using instead of a color, then maybe the rest of the day, instead of letting this moment be how it is, maybe I'll take that. And I will confirm throughout the day that this is just a bad day, that the whole day is bad. Not just that moment was challenging.

It's just the whole day went bad.

Emma Lyons: [00:24:15] Exactly. So something happens in the day and it ruined my day, but no. You ruined your day, because you were thinking about that thing over and over again, that thing that happened this morning, and you keep thinking about it all day. So you know, it wasn't the event. It's what, cause it's not what happens to you in life.

That's really critical. It's how you respond to that. Like when we're in reaction mode, that's when we're not really in the moment. We're not really asked. We're being led by our patterns, by our negative patterns, and we're not really being fully present.

We're not fully in the moment. We're not fully there because we're stuck in the past. What happened yesterday? What she did to me, what he did to me, what my mother did to me, what my father did to me, how bad a person I am, , and from there you can't move forward. You're like, you stick yourself,

but no one else can stick yourself except you.

Damaged Parents: [00:25:08] Right we could be our own worst enemies.

Emma Lyons: [00:25:10] Yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:25:11] and so how did you get to a point where, I mean, We're having this fantastic conversation. And it seems to me there's a tremendous amount of wisdom, but behind an experience. So how did you get there though? How did you transition?

I mean, you started going to the Kundalini, yoga, you felt deep inside, that's your purpose, and yet you still struggled. what did you do to learn and grow into who you are now?

Emma Lyons: [00:25:36] Well, it really required a decision because a lot of the times um, I realized looking back now I was kind of on the fence and I see that with a lot of people they're sitting on the fence and wondering why life is so painful and they haven't made a decision to really step into this, you know, sitting on a fence, even physically sitting on a fence, it's very painful.

But you know, also if you're like neither in, nor out you're kind of sitting on the ledge, you haven't decided either way. It was painful. It was really painful. So it's about really making a decision that you're going to go all in on this. And that requires a level of commitment. So it really requires that a commitment to yourself, not to anyone else that you are going to, you're going to change no matter what and recognized that you go to you, the only person who can change is you.

And it required me getting support from other people. When. Doing working with people, you know, to change those patterns and also, being aware within myself. I know all about how this sabotage can manifest and how it stops people. So now I'm really in a very good place to help people overcome those, types of issues.

So it's really my passion to help people to really live their passion. Because that's what we're here to do. We're here to, follow our excitement, you know, as best we can and we make it, a huge, big thing, when you need to have like a big grand plan or big career, but actually in every moment that you can just look out, right, what are the things that I can do today?

And which one is more exciting out of the, all the options of things that I can do. And then just do that. And then the next moment do the same thing. Take the choice of all the options that you can do now. This really simplifies the thing. And the more you follow that, the more synchronicity brings more exciting things for you to follow.

And then, because we all know. What excites us if we're really honest. And often we tell ourselves we don't know, and that's that's another avoidance pattern. Cause we do know what excites us. We've just got to trust ourselves enough to just start following that and trust that our excitement can support us.

The excitement is the way forward. It doesn't need to there's this old, idea that you have to work hard and that it has to be hard and it's a struggle. it's just really having, and it's just, it's just not true. It doesn't have to be that way. You can do things, you can follow the joyful path.

You can do things the exciting way and not seek accelerated path to growth. I'm not saying you don't have to be committed. I'm not saying you don't have to be disciplined. You absolutely do, but it can still be joyful. You can be joyful and excited while being disciplined while being committed and enjoy the journey rather than cursing it and saying, I shouldn't be here.

Damaged Parents: [00:28:16] Yeah, it sounds like. when you made that commitment, because you had struggled for awhile, that those ideas, and then made the commitment and said, no, this is absolutely what I'm doing. And it sounds like the first time there was this sense of rightness, if you will. And then the second time, maybe a little bit more rightness happened that feeling of, okay.

I'm definitely on the right path is in am I on the right track  and what did it feel like to you?

Emma Lyons: [00:28:46] Yeah, there's definitely a certainty about us and also like it requires being empowered not, other people cause you know, like, uh, Jim Carrey says, you know, people aren't going to like you, no matter what you do know, some someone's going to disapprove of you. Someone's going to criticize you.

So why not? Just do what you love, you can, so it really requires that level of alignment and empowerment and  you know that can take a little bit of work because I think in the world, we're kind of, we're very much, we're trained in a sense to be disempowered because that's all our parents knew.

Our parents knew. You have to study hard, you have to get a job to make money to survive. And it's all very hard work and all of that stuff. Like my parents still talk to me about it. They're still really coming from that fear place, are you making enough money? and they're very coming from that fear-based place.

you know, As a child, especially as an empathic child, like me, you take all that stuff on and, when your parents are feeding you, they're not just feeding your physical food. They're also feeding you all their ideas, all their belief systems. you are absorbing that, especially before the age of seven, you take it all into your energy field.

And that becomes who you are. Because as a child, you want to be accepted by your parents. You want them to love you. And, you want to help them. You want to heal them. You want to be on the same page as them, because it's a life or death thing, you know, if they don't look after you as a child, you have no one.

Damaged Parents: [00:30:15] Right. So now when you're around them after you made your commitment, until now, I'm thinking, how did that change your behavior when you would get those messages from your parents or whoever else in your life? How do you, I guess, how do you cope with that now is the best question.

Emma Lyons: [00:30:32] Well, I mean, I just don't talk to people like the best advice I can give to people is don't share your dreams with, the dream snatchers, the people the disbelievers, the people who are going to put you down. And there are lots of people like that, because and it doesn't always come from a bad place, like in my case, parents they're fearful.

They want you to make enough money and they want you to be safe. They want you to be happy and they don't understand how you can be happy and unsafe and do something that's not in their little box of reality. They don't understand what it is to be an entrepreneur.

They don't have that in them. So the best advice I could give people is just don't share your dreams with people who aren't on the level too, understand and affirm that for you. And keep it to yourself or share it with people, who are going to support you rather than pull you down from sometimes it's from a jealous place.

But very often it's from a safety place. They're concerned that if you go off and do this strange thing, that you're going to lose all your money, that something bad is going to happen. So it's coming from a place of love. But it's not really helpful when you're moving in a totally new direction and you're like a trailblazer and you have a mission that you want to achieve and get out in the world.

Damaged Parents: [00:31:48] Yeah. It sounds like too. What I really loved about what you said is you recognize that they were coming from a place of love.

Emma Lyons: [00:31:56] Absolutely.

Damaged Parents: [00:31:57] In that, while you don't need to share your dreams with them, or even, especially probably the struggles of being an entrepreneur right now, because they wouldn't be supportive.

Okay. It'd be like, oh, you need to go back here. You need to go do this again. You need to go to get your nine to five, and at the same time, you're not holding on to that anger or frustration or disappointment, that that's them. And you're seeing like, this is really coming from love. I really, I just think that's fantastic.

How did you get there?

Emma Lyons: [00:32:27] well, you see all these emotions, like we just talked about it. I probably did feel angry, I definitely did feel angry with them at certain points, but I've kind of released that. I've let that go. Like you said, surrender up through my own healing work as well.

Rather than push it down and pretend it's not there. You've got to feel it. And then release it so surrender. And also recognizing that it doesn't come from a bad place. Like they're not vindictive my parents, for example, most people aren't vindictive. They're just scared.

It's coming from a place of fear. you know, It's not helpful, but you know, maybe you choose better who to share your dreams with next time. Find someone who can understand that dream and who can support you with the oven, know who not to share it with. Who's not a good fit for that. Who's not going to know how to handle that information.

And it's just going to be like, oh my God, it's so scary. You can't do that. It's not, they're going to like, push it down, push you back in your little box. And that's not what you want, cause that's no way to live. that's like, if you have a dream, I mean, I think that the saddest thing for people is, when you die, like, Wayne Dyer says die with the music still inside you.

Damaged Parents: [00:33:38] That just I'd love that because it makes me think of that resonating, confirming feeling that happens inside of us.

Emma Lyons: [00:33:47] Yeah, So many like a Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich talks about all the potential you're looking for potential the place to find it. Isn't the graveyard.

cause so many people die.

Damaged Parents: [00:33:58] Yeah,

right.

That took me a second.

Sorry about that.

Emma Lyons: [00:34:04] That's okay. Because so many people, they die, they don't, they just follow the party line. And then just do what's expected of them and they never, they have this book, they have like, everyone has an amazing gift to share. And most people aren't sharing it because they're too scared.

Damaged Parents: [00:34:22] Yeah, they're afraid.

Emma Lyons: [00:34:24] Yeah, They're afraid you don't want to be too big. You don't want to stop that too much. What will people think don't want to be the tall poppy? Because people want to cut that down,

Damaged Parents: [00:34:32] yeah, I had actually never heard that, saying until I want to say  a few weeks ago, and I was fascinated by the idea of, standing, standing tall and being true in who you are, you know, but maybe all the other puppies are like, well, but we're down here and we like it down here.

So you need to be over here with us kind of thing.

Emma Lyons: [00:34:52] Yeah.

So you want to be, I mean, we're tribal creatures, we want to be, we want to be accepted. So and that's important. So we put down what we really want and we joined the rest of the tribe because it's not socially acceptable, even as children to be different. Even as children, children who are different children who have different ideas about things; in a sense, there, there is that you can understand why people would be scared, especially doing things that I do, like this slightly left field I've work, like the woo woo kind of thing. It gets a lot of slack because people don't understand what it is.

And when people don't understand something, what do they do? They criticize, they pull it down. they're scared. that offends them because they don't understand it doesn't fit into their concept of, Newtonian Concrete Reality.

Damaged Parents: [00:35:44] Yeah. And I was thinking about that the other day. It's like when you get that gut instinct, that something is right.

And then maybe you won't understand it, but there's no research on it yet. Or how many times have people been told that something was in their head. And yet now, today that's diagnosed as a, chronic disease or something like that.

I try to think of it like, okay, well, you know what, I don't, I don't want to discount that because how much do I really know? I don't, I don't know. I don't know.

Emma Lyons: [00:36:11] Exactly. I mean, the thing when people say it's science, yeah science is great, but science is always evolving. You know, So they're always exploring new ideas. So something like, a few hundred years ago, the science said the world is flat, for example um, to say otherwise was really to do, My point is not to negate science.

My, my point here is just to say, well, you know, science is, it's all about exploring and experimenting and seeing what happens. And I think that it's very dangerous when we think we know it all. And now that's what I see with some people who think, That for example, science has all the answers because you know, the reality is it doesn't like for example what's the word quantum physics, for example, it's very strange.

There's still not, there's so much, they don't understand even in the human body and the way that they have, for example, in Western medicine, they have like divided partition and everything out. And they don't see the whole body as a system. So I think that's I don't want to say mistake, but it's something that Western medicine is perhaps missing.

whereas, you know, when other older medicine, traditions. You know they saw the body and the system even, in the west before Western medicine came in. The body was seen as a system. It was treated as a holistic thing and we still have that in Eastern medicine, like Chinese medicine, they have the meridians, they know about all these things.

They treat the body in a holistic way. I think the Western medicine that we have now, it's very compartmentalized and it's great. If you have.  car accident or something like that. But I feel like they're, there's, they're missing this holistic seeing the whole body and how it works together.

Damaged Parents: [00:37:50] Yeah. The funny thing is, I mean, cause there were a couple of really neat points, we're never at our best if you mean, as far as science goes because it keeps getting better. And so if we stop and say, okay, we're at our best, that's all we're ever going to get, then how come  we keep learning new things, right.

Emma Lyons: [00:38:08] Exactly.

Damaged Parents: [00:38:09] The next thing is that in Western medicine, it was not that long ago that meditation was looked at as Woohoo. And now what do they recommend? Even counseling was a soft science and not approved and get now they're bringing it in. So I think it's really interesting that, and that again is more approved on, oh, we learned this really does work.

Well, let's provide that as a service now,

Emma Lyons: [00:38:36] Yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:38:37] The idea that we will can continue to get better in science. From my perspective, I think, and from what just talking with you is that science will continue to prove things that we already knew, but forgot. Does that make sense?

Emma Lyons: [00:38:51] Yeah. I am just telling, I feel like we have really gone off course as humans. We have really, we're very disconnected from ourselves and I really feel like the pandemic, which has been um, in the past year or so. It's all about really reconnecting ourselves with ourselves. And I, I feel like a lot of people have.

Taking the opportunity. It's been a very challenging time for everyone, right? I'm not discounting that, but I feel like for some people, for a lot of people, it's been an opportunity to start reconnecting with themselves. We've, quarantine to really reconnect, right. Am I doing what I'm really passionate about?

You know, Is this what I want to do? I've seen lots of people, changing careers, out of obligation. But I feel like quite often this can be a blessing in disguise because they know they weren't doing. What they really wants to be doing. They were just, you know, passing away the days. That's no way to live.

Life is meant to be fun. Life is meant to be joyful. It's not meant to be hard slog hard work the whole time, that's an old idea and it's just not true. So my whole message is that You can do what you love. You can make great money. You can have it all. You don't have to choose one or the other.

You can have your sweet spot of success, but just requires you to, go a little deep with yourself and, clear out those deep inner blocks. And those, what I often find is, you know, when I work with people belief systems and feelings, they didn't even, they weren't even aware that they had, and you know, they can, they go, they go like this.

It only takes a second. You don't need to have therapy for a few years or anything like that? It is like releasing layers and people definitely have to be ready, but I really feel like now is the time for this.

Damaged Parents: [00:40:36] Yeah, I think it's probably a good time for people to reconnect with who they are. Okay. We are at that time, the podcast where I surprise my guests by asking for three tips or tools. We could have mentioned them already. Maybe not whatever the universe brings to your mind is what we want to hear.

Emma Lyons: [00:40:55] Three tips for, being happy for doing what you love.

Damaged Parents: [00:40:59] Whichever three you want. That's a, it's really wide open

Emma Lyons: [00:41:03] Okay.

Damaged Parents: [00:41:04] three tips or tools for the listeners to walk away with.

Emma Lyons: [00:41:08] Right. So the first one, I think I've already said, but I'm going to say it again. You don't need to have a grand plan about what you want to do. Just look at right now in this moment. Think about the things that you can do, the things that are exciting that you can do right now and then choose the one that's most exciting.

For you in that moment that you can do and then do that. And then the next moment do the next thing that's most exciting and, and start living like that. So that was the first one. The second one is don't believe all your thoughts. So if this belief comes up that I'm not good enough.

I can't do it. Recognize that is not really true is not true. Or is that just recognize that it's just a, it's just a belief. It's just a thought. It doesn't because these belief systems, they reinforce themselves and they're very tricky, but they only have power when you believe them. They don't have any power in and of themselves.

So question your beliefs, question, the thoughts that come into your mind, question, your beliefs. And now the third thing is to investigate yourself, investigate yourself. . So what I'm, I'm scared of, doing this thing, starting my business. What's the worst thing that could happen?

What am I really scared of here? Don't be afraid to go there because through that that's the path to liberation or find someone who can help you  guide you through that. Which is the work that I do. And I help people to kind of release those underlying things that are in the way. So I could actually tune in to people and kind of see what's going on there and guide them just to see that themselves so that we can release it.

Damaged Parents: [00:42:36] I think that's beautiful. Fantastic. Emma Lyons. She is a Female Passion Driven Entrepreneur on Facebook. You can find her on Instagram @experience_true_self and on clubhouse @emmalyons. I'm so glad we got to have you here today.

Emma Lyons: [00:42:56] Yeah. Perfect. It's been great.

 Damaged Parents: [00:42:59] Hey listeners. Emma got back to me after the show and she wanted me to let you guys know. She wants to offer you a free gift. It's Theta Healing. Meditation. Healing Self-esteem to Attract Success. She says it will give you the confidence to attract clients more easily, feel fulfilled in your purpose.

And manifest what brings you joy?

Check it out. 

Mention, Relatively Damaged. For your free gift from Emma. 

 Thank you for listening to this week's episode of relatively damaged by damaged parents. We really enjoy talking to Emma about how she found her purpose and learn to stand tall in it. We especially liked when she reminded us to feel our feelings and then release them. To unite with other damaged people, connect with us on Instagram. Look for damaged parents.

We'll be here next week. Still relatively damaged. See you then.