Episode 39: Hey You…Keep Pushing

C. Eric Collier

C. Eric Collier is committed to living a larger life. His story comes from overcoming adversities his goal is to inspire others to do the same. He is a coach, mentor, and farmer . He speaks to inspire individuals to act towards setting the old you to meet the new you. He considers himself a farmer because I'm not created to help everyone , so he plans our future growth for Wednesday that person is ready, or in support of the next coach or farmer. He just keeps pushing because he knows no one will do it for him . His life equals his responsibility.

Social media and contact info.

 Book a free 30-minute coaching session with Eric @ https://www.1momentumshift.com/book-c-eric-collier. Type in the comment section, #K33pPushn21

Additional links are available @ https://linktr.ee/cericcollier7

Podcast transcript:

Damaged Parents: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Relatively Damaged Podcast by Damaged Parents where marred soiled, splintered people come to learn. Maybe just, maybe we're all a little bit damaged. Someone once told me it's safe to assume. 50% of the people I meet are struggling and feel wounded in some way. I would venture to say it's closer to 100%.

Every one of us is either currently struggling or has struggled with something that made us feel less than like we aren't good enough. We aren't capable. We are relatively damaged. And that's what we're here to talk about in my ongoing investigation of the damage self. I want to better understand how others view their own challenges.

Maybe it's not so much about the damage, maybe it's about our perception and how we deal with it. There's a deep commitment to becoming who we are meant to be. How do you do that? How do you find balance after a damaging experience? My hero is the damaged person. The one who faces seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on the other side hole.

Those who stare directly into the face of adversity with an ELD persistence to discover their purpose. These are the people who inspire me to be more fully me. Not in spite of my trials, but because of them. Let's hear from another hero.

Today's topic includes sensitive material, which may not be appropriate for children. This podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advice. The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them.

Today, we're going to talk with, C. Eric Collier. He has many roles in his life, husband of 30 years, father of three, pop pop of six inspirational coach speaker and more. We'll talk about how, when he was entering high school, his parents split. And in one home, he dealt with drug addiction, alcoholism, and domestic violence. And in the other home, it was more of a mental game. In both homes the children simply wanted their parents to stand up for them and say, these are my kids and they belong here too. We'll learn how he found health inhaling let's talk

C. Eric, welcome to Relatively Damaged by Damaged Parents. We are so glad you are here today.

C. Eric Collier: [00:02:22] Thank you, Angela. I'm so glad to be here. I appreciate you. And the opportunity to be on your show.

Damaged Parents: [00:02:27] Oh, yeah. Yes, totally. For sure. You're such an amazing gentleman. Just in the brief minutes, I've gotten to have a conversation with you and I'm not sure if you meant to drop it, but I did hear it's your birthday on the day we're doing this interview.

C. Eric Collier: [00:02:42] Yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:02:42] It is. Okay. Well, happy birthday.

C. Eric Collier: [00:02:45] Thank you very much. Thank you. Glad to have one.

Damaged Parents: [00:02:48] Yeah.

Right, right. And, and what a great gift to give the world to share your struggle and to share not just the struggle, but how that turned into your journey and the adventure of life. I just really appreciate that. You're willing to give a gift on your birthday to so many other people.

C. Eric Collier: [00:03:07] Oh, thank you. That's what I loved. My whole mission is to help others. I speak so that I can inspire and coach individuals through the process of adjusting their mindset and perspective so that they can dig deep inside to access that power within and just keep pushing towards the goals that they're trying to accomplish.

And so that's, it's all about giving me. To help other individuals out. So I enjoy this

Damaged Parents: [00:03:33] Well, Eric gets so important I'm trying to remember. There's a show. Oh no, it was on Bones, Dr. Sweets. I don't know if you watched that one on his birthday. He would always give gifts.

C. Eric Collier: [00:03:44] Oh,

Damaged Parents: [00:03:45] To other people about what, how they impacted him. And that was, and so this is what that's, what that was reminding me of was how important it is to give.

And the amazing thing I think about giving without expectation of getting back is that then you get to love the world. I'm thinking you think the same way.

C. Eric Collier: [00:04:04] Yes, definitely. It's something that I truly enjoy doing. I like what. It, I've heard it quoted as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. And I've heard, quoted from Muhammad. I lead it. And of course, Barack Obama, that services part of your rent, paying your rent on life. And you know, our, our, excuse me to walk this planet.

And so that's just being a service and helping others. That's where you get your true joy. I tell people all the time, I enjoy my job. I like my job, but. I don't get the inner joy that I get until I'm working with young students and young adults to coach them and mentor them. And I'm speaking to others, helping them figure out exactly which direction to go next and fight through that adversity that they face.

And so that's when I'm happiest because I'm helping them helping somebody to go. Ah, that's it. And so when that happens, things, when that happens for them, I love it.

Damaged Parents: [00:04:57] Yeah. And I, it sounds like what you really recognize is that there are many things that you get in this life that are gifts from other people that maybe you don't recognize. So when you give, you're able to give back, what's been so freely given to you.

C. Eric Collier: [00:05:12] Yes. Yes. It's, like I said, that's, that's what makes it beautiful because I'm somebody who I'm a big believer on connecting. And so I believe we get lost in life. When we start looking at life as solely a journey that we take or path that we take, or a game that we play now, I agree they're a part of life, but my whole.

View is that his life is about creating this life puzzle and our journey and a path. And the game is all about collecting those pieces and connect them with the pieces that we need to put together. This unlimited puzzle that we've been given in here. And so with that, I connect to you, you connect to others, I help you.

You help me and it's just get through my problems, my, my challenges that I'm facing. And it. We connect. And so, like I said, it, it just creates this big puzzle of individuals, helping individuals, people who are learning more about what their purpose in life is. And they're walking that journey, you are taking that path and then playing a game to create that puzzle.

And so I really, truly love, like I said, just connecting and helping people out. That's that's to me. That's awesome. Wow.

Damaged Parents: [00:06:15] Yeah, most definitely. You and I are  on the same page. I think with that. Well, so speaking of that puzzle and that journey, as you know, this podcast is about that struggle and the emotions behind it and how you kept moving forward. So will you please tell us your story?

C. Eric Collier: [00:06:31] Oh, sure. No problem, Mike. I am well, I'm the oldest son, but, uh, one, the middle of three. And you know, throughout life has all been about adjusting. Like I said, my setting perspective, adjusting, adapting, and overcoming a lot of challenges. So my parents split up at. When we were when I was four years old. And so at that moment, there was a lot of adapting, adjusting and overcoming overcoming the fact that my father wasn't in the house anymore overcoming the fact that we had to struggle financially.

My mom, we talked about making $10,000 one year. raising three children. So not having the clothes. Yeah. You go through the being bullied. You go through living in neighborhoods where, you know, you're just barely getting by. And so we adapted and adjusted and adjusted, but we always overcome, we have family, we have support.

And so that helped to help my mom raise the three of us. As my parents begin to, uh, excuse me. As I begin to hit high school age, my parents remarried. And so at that point on it created a different obstacle that we had to adjust to and hurdle over. And that was the blending of families. And that was a huge challenge to us.

I had always been the. Oldest the male of the house, right. It's the protector. And so at that moment, my mom remarried and that changed the game a little bit, but not only did that, but in that brought the alcohol and drug addiction that he brought in into domestic violence that came in with it. And so I found myself in the middle of protecting my mom and protecting my brother and I was placed in the household.

And so there was a class and in, so in that I became the middle guy. And the middle guy becomes the wrong one. And so that caused a class between my mom and I. And so I would be cast out of her house and in up over my father's house, it was the same thing. And where. She brought in. She had her three children and my dad had his three children, but we weren't acknowledged in that group.

Right. So fighting for our place. There became a clash with me and my dad. And it would eventually come with both parents saying to me, look, if anybody has to go, it's going to be, you. And so that was tough for me when I'm looking at my parents who might always still have my back and would support me and understanding everything that I'm telling them is true.

That wasn't the case.

Damaged Parents: [00:08:51] When, when both, so both of your parents came to you and said, if anyone leaves it's you, and this is in two separate households at the time,

C. Eric Collier: [00:09:00] Two separate households two separate days, same verbiage.

Damaged Parents: [00:09:04] Okay. what was going on?

Like, what was your behavior that they would say this to you and maybe what was happening inside of you that you were behaving that way?

C. Eric Collier: [00:09:13] right. Well, a lot of it was my not wanting to accept somebody, treating my mom in that manner one, and then not wanting to be cast aside by my parents as though we're not here in this house that we don't exist. And it was basically my love for my parents. I talked to my parents and I understand now, you know, you do what you think is right at the time.

And I don't fault them. We went through our thing and we talked it out. We're good. Now we have a great relationship. But at the time it felt as though, Hey, what about me? What about us? Your kids? You know, we've been your kids forever. These people just came and now how do you, but.

That was really tough. And I was sweat at 15 years old up by him on alcohol, just go out and do my thing, you know, high school and partying, but in the partying and having fun hanging out. But at the same time, I was using that to bury my Sperry, how I felt at home. You know, I really was, I really did not like that whole process.

So it was tough. And we really, like I said, we. We'd go through it. We go through it. We went through,

Damaged Parents: [00:10:14] Yeah. And teenage years are really hard too, I think because you're trying to figure out who you are and. not just at home. So now you are not just trying to figure out who you were at school and with your peers, but you're also trying to figure out who you are in mom's house and who you are in dad's house and what that identity looks like, which sounds like a lot of pressure to me.

C. Eric Collier: [00:10:41] it w it was tough and, and it did affect schoolwork. It affected a lot and I can't, I it's not, I don't blame it all on that, but there's like you said, I'm trying to figure out who I want to be, who I am, and as well, but actually that was a devastating blow.

 Yes, I was in high school and when all of the arguing and fighting really came to a head, it was basically, if anybody's going to go, it's going, gonna be you. And so I would end up eventually after this huge clash with my mom's husband in 30 miles away, living in a hotel, working on a night shift in a town, I had no, I had nobody.

I knew nobody. I didn't know where I was, but I knew how to get from the hotel to the job and back. And so I pay my bills each week and I'd live off of whatever I had left, but I tell my parents, I'm happy that those things happen. To me, because our happened for me. That's the way I look at them.

They happen for me, not to me because in that, what's developed from that is a strong mindset where I don't give up on anything. I don't quit. And I keep focusing on moving forward. Now there was a time where I was not found myself, not dreaming, no goals, no vision, but with somebody who was willing to take me under their wing, mentored me, it helped me change my mindset to even get back

Damaged Parents: [00:11:57] Right now, can you please explain for us the difference between to and for and why that makes a difference?

C. Eric Collier: [00:12:03] Okay. So a lot of times we get caught up in what's happening, what's going on. And we started feeling as though it's happening to us, like, and it's to bring us down and keep us down and yeah, we start taking it in and when they emotionally, you know, we're, we're controlled, why are our emotions?

Right. Or our senses. Right. And so emotionally we start. Allowing those senses, those feelings, those emotions to bring us down. And so, Oh, it's only me. What was me? This is happening. My world is terrible. You know, all this they're against me, but what happens is you realize that right? Every adversity, every piece of every challenge and an obstacle that comes your way is a test.

It's an opportunity for you to get stronger, to get better. There's something that, that event that's going on with you, that you have to go through that storm that I say, right, you have to go through the storm because there's something in you that says you need some work in this area in order to get your life to another level.

Right. And so we go back to that gain that we need to play, to create our puzzle. So every game on every level, there's a beast that we got to conquer. Right. And that's that fear that we set up inside our heads. We don't even know what it is. We haven't even challenged, but we create this huge fear that takes us into the deep dark hole.

John Milton says that a mind in itself is its own place and can make a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven. And we do that. And so that beast that we have to conquer, that's that adversity that we're facing at that moment, that storm we're going through. And once we get through that, we're able to think on a different level, our creativity figures things out a little bit, it starts shaping our future a little bit better and we're stronger for it.

And that's huge, man, , when you can become strong here and be able to control those emotions and con and think your way through problems, instead of what I used to do was. Was banging up doors puts it holes in walls, breaking stuff, and just losing my mind. And that's, that is where you're out of control you.

Can't you're not able to think those problems through. You're not able to think, identify the opportunities in the problem. And so when I say for me, that's what I mean, that that was for me to take on that challenge, that opportunity, that test, that was presented to me to figure out who I really was.

Damaged Parents: [00:14:16] it almost sounds like you're going from, why me to what's the purpose of this.

C. Eric Collier: [00:14:22] Yes. Yes. And that's it, it takes a while because you don't always think that way. You're like, Oh my gosh, listen to what happened to me. Oh my God, this is terrible. It was, well, it was worse as bad, and nobody else is going through this, but everybody's going through something nobody really wants to hear you whinningand and complaining about your problems.

And so. You whining and complaining in your problems keeps you sitting in those problems. And now you, that's why you find people five, 10 years later sitting and thinking, sitting and wallowing in their problems, their pity, their parties. I find people who walk down the halls because I talked to everybody and there are people who come down the halls and you just know exactly what they're going to say.

When they come, Hey, how's it going? I'm here is this no day in this we're in or whatever. So what's going on? Oh, they're out to get me. Oh, they won't. They won't promote me. Oh, they're doing this to me. They're doing that to me. Well, okay. What are you going to do about it now? What is the opportunity in that challenge that you're facing?

What can you do to change things? Because that's another part of it. Being able to focus on what you can control because I can't control what happens to me. Right or what comes my way? All I can do is control how I react. And once I learn that I can react, here's here with, excuse me, control how I react here, my efforts, my thinking and what I do next, man.

Again, it changes the game

Damaged Parents: [00:15:42] you're, in high school, you're working, you're going to school. You're paying your bills. Did you find that mindset back then or did it take some time? What was that process like?

C. Eric Collier: [00:15:51] So, so actually I may have misspoke. I just, I had just graduated

high school. At at, uh, I just graduated high school. I was still at home and I was waiting to go to the military. But in that there was a huge, huge, big battle that took place or a fight that took place. It got me there, but either way. Yes, I was in, this other town, but.

What it does is so I'm very stubborn. That was one of the problems, but I'm very stubborn. And so one of the things that my parents taught me, I started playing sports at when I was six. And one of the things they always taught me was you never give up. Right. You can't quit. Right. And also I learn that I don't like losing, right.

So me losing is, is, is a tough pill to swallow. Right. So I always said, you know, look, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna prove you wrong. And so that was always my, my mindset. Look, I'm gonna do this. I'm going to go out and I'm going to be a big baseball player because that was my goal at the time was to play major league baseball.

And so my mindset was. Wrapped around playing baseball, becoming a major league. And that was going to be my out. And that was going to take me where I wanted to go. I wasn't going to have to deal with that anymore. I wasn't going to be bothered. I was going to go do my thing. And so that's part of what drove me.

I just refuse to lose that's where it was.

Damaged Parents: [00:17:09] So because you refuse to lose your mind set started shifting from that to to for or it, or did that happen later? Like when you were in the military.

C. Eric Collier: [00:17:21] that actually happened later on. It's funny. It didn't happen until later on in life. It's funny. No matter what you learn, if you don't apply what you learn, it doesn't kick in right. Until you start applying it. You see examples of it here and there, but you don't, it doesn't really click with you until when you decide to accept it and understand it.

But. I would operate in that manner. On several occasions going and getting through bootcamp, they look, it was tough times at bootcamp. I had a reality check. I was ready to fight at bootcamp. And when they took me into, when they took me into the room and they said, you ready to fight? And I'm like, yeah.

And five of the drill instructors came out and I was there by myself. Perspective, changed a little bit. So my mind became, look, I gotta be a little bit smarter. And so I had to work harder and it changed my attitude in that. Because I couldn't fight my way out of it. I had to learn to control my emotions and that's what I did unknowingly, but it wasn't until man, I wasn't, until years later that I learned that I have to, I have control over my life.

And that was, and I'm going to be honest with you. So the timeframe we're talking here is. Early at bootcamp in the eighties. Right? So 87, 88, 87, 89, or excuse me, 88. Yeah, 87 timeframe. And so as I grew up, like I said, still fighting and still battling refusing to lose it. Wasn't until 30 years old. Where I've found myself basically living a life on a hamster wheel.

And a guy basically explained to me, look, man, you haven't done anything in the last five years. Your life, your future is looking bad if you're not trying to change anything now. And so your next five to 50 years is going to look like the last five years of your life. And so at that moment, he started taking me on a personal development journey.

So it started changing my mind, set a little bit more on focusing on taking control of my life. And in that it was still take. So more years until I was laid off in 2013. So this is how recent, this is a 2013, and I went through a 352 day layoff where I couldn't get hired. I mean, emotionally, it was a roller coaster.

I would get hired, be fired before I could even get the job because financially being laid off my bills, weren't getting paid. So as at that moment, I realize there's opportunity in this. Right. I had to keep my faith. I have to keep focusing on what I can control and I have to understand that this is happening.

There's something in me right now that has to go through this, that I have to learn from it and become a better person. And my life really started to change at that moment. It, uh, wow. I can't even explain it, but it really started to change how I view things and how I took control of my situation was just awesome.

I mean, praying a lot more. And talking to myself a lot more, man, you talking about, I like what people see where, you know, you need an accountability partner. You need a coach, you need a, you need a mentor. That's great to have. But when you wake up in the morning, there's nobody there, but you, and so how do you keep yourself going?

How do you keep yourself fighting through the pain? Right. And so I did a lot of talking to myself, but my self talk was all about how great I was and how I'm getting through this and how I start talking about how, how grateful I was that I was at. I had the end goal that I had already, that I was looking for.

And it hadn't even gotten there yet, you know, so being grateful for it. And that's where my mindset really

Damaged Parents: [00:20:47] Okay. So it sounds like that year was really hard. 352 days, I think is what you said. Right? So. 352 days lay off after layer, after layer off and you're finding a way to be gentle with yourself is what I'm going to call it, or be nice to yourself right there. I'm thinking there were still really dark days.

C. Eric Collier: [00:21:07] Oh yeah.

Damaged Parents: [00:21:07] What I really want to know is what those felt like and how you shifted out each time or.

Yeah. How, how did you figure out that you were even in that deep dark hole where maybe you're feeling, thinking this is happening to me? Not for me. And then shifting out.

C. Eric Collier: [00:21:24] So we go back to 30 years old when, when the reality set in and I had no dreams, no goals, no vision. I'm married. I got three kids and I just got out of the military. And at that moment, I was like, man, I'm not doing anything to create the future that I want. Everything that I was wanting to do was all just a hope and a wish that somebody would knock on the door one day and everything will be cool and it wasn't about to happen.

Damaged Parents: [00:21:48] So you were waiting for someone to show up with your wish.

C. Eric Collier: [00:21:52] That's basically how you're operating. Right? I can say I consider it to be a, what we call an in when maritime the Navy dead in the water, right? You have no engine, nothing driving you forward in life. You're not focusing on anything. You're just out there sitting out there waiting on something to happen, hoping eventually you'll get to where you want to be.

And so I had no dream, no goals, no vision that I could wake up every morning and say, this is what I'm doing. This is where I'm going. And so with that, I was just waking up hoping that when I got 67 years old, I'd be under a dry tire and live life like I wanted to, but I couldn't do that when I was, when I was going through that process.

So I was just dead in the water at 30. And so, because it changed my life around working on my mind, reading, hanging out with people who were like-minded individuals who were had goals and visions and were working towards them, really turned my life around then. So during that time, fast forward, 2013 to November.

2014, that was man listening to a lot of videos. Cause at this time we now have YouTube, but listening to them, a lot of videos and reading and just working on my mind because I was already in a different place. I had already started working on myself with personal development. So that's, that was my go-to Les Brown, Tony Robbins, Jim Roan.

I want to say his name is Norman Vincent Peale. And so. Bella's thing though. That's where I went to her own Nightingale. And so with that is kept safe in my mind. And I start realizing as in that, I'm going to be better for going through this and yeah, emotionally, wow. Being told we can't hire you because your bills are behind, but I'm like, look, I'm laid off.

That's why my bills are behind when I'm working. They're good. Right. But they're just man. So it was a process.

Damaged Parents: [00:23:35] They wouldn't hire you because your bills were behind.

C. Eric Collier: [00:23:39] Right in the field that I work in your, credit and your bills, you have to be and so when you fall behind, then that puts your job in jeopardy. And so there's a process that you go through and some companies want to hire you and bring you on board and know exactly how long it's going to take to bring you on board, the worse, your credit and money.

Get the longer stretches out the less time they can wait to spend waiting on bringing you on board. And so, yeah, I'd get the Mr. Collier. We want to interview your great Mr. Collier we want to hire you. Great, Mr. Collier You're coming on board. This date. Great, Mr. Collier sorry, we can't bring you on board. It would happen over and over again.

Yeah, it was tough. And emotionally, when you talk about your husband, your father. And you had a man at a house you're responsible for your income is what takes care of the house. And you're responsible for making sure things are happening around here. And so when you get to the point where you no longer have control over, who's listening to you, who's taking your resume and who's bringing you in is like, man, I'm.

I'm filling out applications, app after applications. And it started in November 26th of 2013. So you had to go through that holiday period where people were off, nobody was around and then you got your wife saying, well, what'd you do today? Well, I put in these applications, I put in these more submitted my resume.

I got a call. I got an interview and yeah. Nothing. And you're like, man, so eventually, you know, that takes a wear on her as well. Cause she had gotten laid off in 2009 and went through it. So it was a tough timeframe where I had to being head of the house. That's the way I see it. I'm just, I'm the man, my job.

That's my responsibility. May be wrong in some politically correct ways, but Hey, that's the way I see it. That's my job. My job is to make sure that his house is taken care of. And so with that, you start feeling. Less of a man, you start feeling I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing, what I was put here to do.

And so you start battling some things that monster, as subconscious mind starts talking to you, man, you no good. You, not, you never going to be able to get him out of this. You're just not good enough to get another job back in his field and believe it or not, I would start thinking, man, I need to get out of this field and just settle for a job with way less pay and everything else.

But yeah. It's that refusing to lose attitudes. I'm like, nah, I'm not doing

Damaged Parents: [00:25:53] So your mind would still go there. It would still go to that negative spot and you'd have to say, wait, hold on a second. What am I thinking? It sounds like. Cause it was like, okay, that you're living by values and not by the mindset. So even though your mind still would go there, your value, the part of who you are says, I'm not going to stop.

I'm not going to lose. So then your mind would automatically shift. I'm thinking though that you're still having to teach yourself a little bit about how to do that throughout the process.

C. Eric Collier: [00:26:30] Oh yeah. I consider myself under construction for life. You know, I'm not perfect. I don't have all the answers. I don't know. I don't get everything right. The first time is sometimes it takes me a long time to get it right. So I understand that. You know, and so with that look, I just keep doing, and if it's wrong, I tweak it and go from here.

I look at fail as first attempt I learned. Right. So I had to take an assessment of how I'm operating, how I'm thinking, how I'm acting. And so in that I've got to tweak things to the right white right way, and it may not be right, but I just keep tweaking it until I get there. That's my whole mindset.

I'm under construction for the rest of my life. There is no doubt about that. So I have to keep learning and I have to keep growing my mind and I have to keep getting stronger. So I have to keep putting myself in situations where I'm taking risks and I'm challenging myself to do the things that I've never done before.

Those things that I would probably look at and put limits on and go, nah, that's too much, you know? And so, and always doing more. So that's, that's where I live

Damaged Parents: [00:27:27] Okay. I've got a really interesting question. You said something about doing things, right? And then you talked about failing and not getting things right. The first time. And I'm just wondering if it's possible that sometimes we could getting it right. Is just impossible. I don't know, but I'm thinking and I'm going, Hmm. That's actually just a really interesting thought, which is why I thought it was a really interesting question. What do you

C. Eric Collier: [00:27:55] Right. It's all relative right from the eyes. We're looking at it right from the eyes and we look at it from, right. So our verse, my verse, the right. May not be your version of right. It's just, if I get the result that I'm looking for, right. Or a majority of the result I'm looking for, I did some things, right.

I got something right there. I'm good with that. And I'm willing to move forward. So getting it exactly right now, we never play our perfect game. I like what. Make saving coach of the Alabama Crimson. Ty says, he said, it's hard to teach the King of the Hill that he's got more work to do because he's, unbeaten.

He's winning all the time, but yet there's more he could do to improve and to play, to get better because he hasn't played his perfect game yet. And so you may never play your perfect game. You may never get it exactly right. But you can get it right to the point where you're still winning and you're still moving

Damaged Parents: [00:28:43] So it almost sounds like you can never be the best. Ever or, or for, let's see, you can get to a point where in that moment it is your best. And yet that can still be improved upon, I think that's what you're saying.

C. Eric Collier: [00:28:58] Yes. Yes. I guess definitely you can have a sports team go undefeated, but yet there are things that they're going to, they can still work on to be even better than what they were. Even though they were able to be

Damaged Parents: [00:29:11] Right. Right. So how do you keep that mindset? Those that eat, because it feels so good, right? It feels so good when you're in that place and you're like, I'm winning and this is awesome. So, so how do you keep that mindset that well, I can still do better.

C. Eric Collier: [00:29:26] Right. Well, I keep my goals up to the point where within, I don't know if I'm going to reach them or not, but I want them up there as high as I possibly can. I think big. I want to think big at all times, because at the moment I start thinking at a level on things that I can accomplish with no problem.

And I start living in the fact that, Oh man, I'm successful. I'm accomplishing my goals. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. I'm not creating that huge picture I'm living within this, this, these limits. Right. And so, you know, the only puzzle that has limits is that store-bought puzzle that has the.

Limits that where you set the edges, when you start putting it together, right. This is a life's puzzle. And so it doesn't have any edges it's not unlimited. And so my goal to create a huge puzzle that I see for myself is all about being unlimited and pushing it as much as I possibly can. I want to put it up there and then go get it.

And so that's where I do more as one of the things do more. And I just keep pushing because nobody else is going to do it for me. That's my main motto right

Damaged Parents: [00:30:24] Yeah, it sounds like it's really important on your goal list to have things on that list that you think might be out of reach, or maybe even some that are certain you're certain they're out of reach for right now. And yet there's still possibilities. Maybe.

C. Eric Collier: [00:30:41] Right. I want to, not only say, I mean, that's crazy, but I want everybody else to go, man. That's crazy. That's real crazy. There's no way that's ever going to happen because that's, that's how I know I'm playing big, playing a small, got me. Nowhere. I've been on that side. Plenty of small.

I guess I got this job. I've got a nice salary. I'm comfortable. I don't need anything else. I'm good. And so with that, you stop learning. You stop working on yourself because Hey, this is as good as it's ever going to get right here. Right. For somebody who doesn't have a high school or as you only has a high school diploma, no college degree, man.

A six figure income. I'm great. I'm good. I can work.

I can ride it out from here. And so when you do that, that's when you stop taking care of me, Inc. Right? Me incorporated, and me incorporated takes a hit. And when me incorporated takes a hit those, your loved ones that you have around you start taking a hit as well, because.

When that all, when that getting laid off hits you and you realize, man, that company that was supporting me had said they were going to support me and have me right back in here, that didn't happen. They didn't do that. You know? So now you left on your own. What do I do? And so I got people to feed. I got bills to pay.

So what do I do? And so that's why. Me Inc is important. You got to take care of me. You got to get your mind focused on a goal that is going to challenge you and keep you going when you wake up in the morning and I got to got to go do this. I can't lay in the bed. I can't wait. I got too much to do. And so you find yourself.

Doing those things that, you know, you have to do until you can do the things you don't, you know, you want to do. And so when that I've worked two jobs, I've done. I get up in the morning, mean I work, I get up at two 30 every morning. I'm either working out or I'm working on my mind, focusing on where I work.

And so with that, I come home. From 12 hours of working. And I started focusing on what I need to do to get my myself to the next level. And so I do those things day in and day out because I want to create the habits that keep me working and keep me focused. And once I get comfortable, I start falling behind.

These are happening. And so we'll be honest with you. When you look at how we are creating, we created to produce, right. We created to create and produce we're made in his likeness. So when you made in his likeness, if you aren't doing those things, Your mind starts telling you, man, I'm that I'm not good enough.

I'm not, I'm lost. I'm I'm I'm I don't know what to do. And so I've found that when I start talking to when I'm coaching individuals and they say that I start asking them those questions, that woke me up at the age of 30. You know, what is God, you closer to accomplishing the goals that you set over the last five years.

And they answered just like I did. I don't have any goals. I'm not working on anything. Right. Well, where do you see yourself in five, 10, 15 years? Uh, I don't, I don't have a clue. And so with that, once you start stop focusing on something for a future, having something to work towards, man, that's when your life becomes that boring day to day on the couch, spin social media, video games, just nothing you, you feelin'.

Like you're useless, you're feeling lost and you sit and watch everybody else. And you're going, man. I wish I could do that. Man, look at what's happening for them, man. You know, that's way out of my ballpark, but I'll sit and watch them on television, but they had a goal of the vision to get there. And so you have to do the same thing just because you come from where you come from, look the way you look, things happen to you and that it may have hit you mentally, physically.

What have you, you can still come out on top. You just have to get your mind focused on the goal that makes your heart. Well, I say, make your heart sing. Right.

Damaged Parents: [00:34:14] Right. Well, also I'm wondering a couple of things. What happens if you change from half to, to get to.

C. Eric Collier: [00:34:21] That's a good question. And I say it goes back to. It goes back to how you view life. You know, some people look at it as I have too is like, is a must right. A must and get to to me, man. it's an opportunity every day to be able to wake up and you breathe it.

Damaged Parents: [00:34:37] you think maybe, cause it sounds like when, like even some of your clients that have come in that that are scared or they haven't had goals and I'm going to venture to say scared, right? Because there's a possibility that. That you may not reach that goal. It, when, when you start working with them, I mean, and you're asking them to set these goals.

I'm thinking they're probably a little bit scared and terrified. And how do you work, help work through that so that maybe they can get to, I don't have to set the goal. I get to set this goal type thing.

C. Eric Collier: [00:35:06] right. And, and, and you're right that get to men, it's an opportunity each day and you wake up to get things right. To do something different, to do, improve your life or help somebody else's. But the one thing that I like to focus on is giving them small challenges to work on throughout the week. So that they're accomplishing certain things.

They're accomplishing things that they probably didn't think they did would even help make them happy. Right. And so, I'll give you an example. If you tell me that you enjoy writing you like poetry and S all right. So let's, how about writing? How about, let's do some writings. Let's talk about, let's write down some of the things that you would like to do in your life.

Right. And so as they write them and they just start writing, well, I can only think of one today. Well, how about, try it again, spend a little bit more time, maybe about a half an hour, just sit down and think about some of the things and that one becomes 10 and 15 and just starts to go on bigger and bigger and bigger.

And so that starts igniting a little bit of a fire and getting them to think about, okay, well you say you want to be happy. What does happiness look like to you? And so then you start writing about what happiness looks like to them. And so they start seeing it a little bit more and they start, they just start thinking about what it looks like, and they start answering to you what their happiness looks like.

It helps to ignite their fire again. And so I just try to find things that get them to feel better about themselves. And that's, that's huge when you start doing that because it, a lot of it is the fear that they, you set in your mind. Well, I can't do that. I'm not good enough. What does everybody else gonna think about me?

Or what if I, if I do this, if I start chasing these goals or working towards these dreams, my husband or my wife might leave me. Right? So there's so many, I mean, you know, your mind takes you to a deep hole. Your mind really takes you into a deep hole is scenarios that, that. Play out in your head. And you're like, wow, I don't know where that came from.

I I've, I got experience working with individuals who have, depression and anxiety. And so when you sit and you work with them and you listen and you, you find you're like, where did that come from? But that's what their mind just starts going into these. What if scenarios? And so you have to reel them back in.

So are these real life-threatening. Activities that are going to take place are these things of what if that you just start creating in your mind. And so you have to get them to come back. And so you try to get them to spin that around to a positive thing. And so it's tough, but it's challenge, is it?

Damaged Parents: [00:37:26] So I hear you saying what if as a negative. So the, and I've heard that a lot. A lot of people use what if to go negative and, and so how do you shift that? What if to positive? Because for me, I, I don't know, I've heard, don't use, but use and so. It could be maybe, well, yeah, my, my husband or my wife might leave me and they might not.

That's also possible. So instead of looking at it as either, or maybe looking at it as both, do you think that's also helpful?

C. Eric Collier: [00:38:04] I think it is helpful. You have to find a way to spin it into the positive. Let's not let your mind cause your subconscious mind starts storing all that negative stuff. We talk about a lot in our coaching sessions that you, one negative thought you're going to need up to at least 17 positive thoughts to reel that back in to a positive side of the house to get you back on the right's.

Right? And so if you rattle off 10 negative things about yourself, calling yourself a dummy idiot, fat, ugly, and all these different things. Now you multiply those times 17 you're in the whole big time. And your mind may not ever come out of that. And so you want to spin those around to the negative. So those that, what if this happens, they're gonna, well, what if it doesn't happen?

And what if they do decide to stay with you and what if they support you and what if they start working with you to make sure that comes out. And so now you start spinning that around and have to think about that. Huh? What if that happens now? Whether or not that lasts for the whole week? It's up to them, but you have to give them things to work on and try to change that mindset and that perspective on how they're seeing things.

Because once we start looking at things different, like Dr. Wayne Dyer said, things begin to change. And so we got to do

Damaged Parents: [00:39:15] It sounds like those negative thoughts are still going to happen though. Even once you've learned those tools, it's recognizing that in that moment that the negative thought is happening and what you're going to do about it though.

C. Eric Collier: [00:39:28] Yeah, I, I look at it as okay. You know, I'm 52 years old. So I've been around for a while. We had this thing called the radio and it had two knobs on it and we had to dial it in. Right. And sometimes that radio station would come spot on and you could hear it just as clear as day. And then sometimes we would fade on out.

And that's the same thing with our attitudes, habits and behaviors. When we're trying to fit, when we're trying to make these changes, is there, there. And we, because we were so used to operating in that old way of thinking and, and performing, then we tend to fall back into those, but we had to keep doing it day in and day out and make it a habit.

So one of the things that my mentor first told me was 30 days makes it a habit, right. You start creating a habit. And so I would try to make that a 30 day timeframe and sometimes I'd make. Few days and then fall back out of it, but you just get back on it and you just keep trying, and that's a difficult thing, but once you start experiencing life, doing those things, operating in the manner of those, let's say, if you're trying to be a successful businessman, how does a successful businessman operate, right.

Or woman operate, how do you think they should operate? And so when you start operating, how do you think they should operate? Then you start accomplishing a little bit more than what you were experienced before.

Damaged Parents: [00:40:42] And shifting. And, so if somebody is in that negative and depressed and anxious, you said they would, that they would take small, small steps. You would ask them to take small steps each week to, to be successful. I'm thinking also though, that them having you to call into, to give ideas about those positive thoughts is also helpful to have someone in your life that can say, and this is also possible.

What are your thoughts on that?

C. Eric Collier: [00:41:11] I it's something that's, helped me out because I didn't always have that. And so, you know, we always had the, you could do anything you want, you can accomplish anything you want in life. If you just, if you just put your mind to it, but there was always that caveat, you know, your background, your race, your color, your education, and all these different things.

And so it wasn't until, like I said, my mentor started. Teaching me some things about personal development, but then I got to meet Les Brown himself. And to hear him say, you have greatness in you. Uh, as it, as I'm sitting there talking to him, it was an eye-opener for me. And so having that, it changes the game because you have somebody you've never met before believing in you.

And so when you have somebody who believes in you, that's all it takes some time.

Damaged Parents: [00:41:57] Is it, sometimes it just takes that one person to say, you can do this and it, and it doesn't, I don't, I don't know that it has to be anyone that has, I, I dunno if cloud, I don't think cloud is the right word. It just needs to be someone who says, I believe in you. And I know you can do this and, and they will support you and lift you up,

C. Eric Collier: [00:42:19] Yeah. Cause the, the guy who eventually became my mentor, I met him that day. That day. I was the first time I met him and he stood there in my living room and he asked me those three questions, you know, what have you done over the last five years? What are you doing now to change things? If you don't change things, what do you think 10 to 15 life is going to look like?

And that was the first time I met him, but all I want to know was how do I change this? And so. His belief in me really sparked a fire. It changed the game. I wasn't 30 years old. I wasn't reading anything else. It wasn't doing anything outside of drinking. My alcohol, watching basketball, football, and barbecue and all those other stuff that's here, my family, but it wasn't until that happened at the game changed for me.

And just having somebody who didn't even know me just took me under his wing.

Damaged Parents: [00:43:05] So it sounds like what you realized was my life could be so much better than even where it is right now.

C. Eric Collier: [00:43:11] Yeah, exactly. And, and it's not about competing. It's not competing with, I want what you have, or I can do better than you, it's about saying, look, if you can do that, I knew I can do it. And so, you know, if you came from where you came from, I know I came from where I came from. I can do it too, and that's all you need.

And I look at so many of us get caught up, like what, where I was at a certain age. You're not supposed to dream anymore. You're supposed to go to work. Work 40 years of your life. So you can retire. You got to take care of your kids, take care of your family. Then after all of that happens, you can start focusing on you and having a great time, but that's not how life design you supposed to be.

And the impact of others lives. You're supposed to be enjoying life, but we get caught up in surviving life. That's not what this is. That's not where happiness lives. That's not where we're being an impact lives. Those who are impacting lives are doing every day. And so that's what you want to get into custom of doing.

Damaged Parents: [00:44:06] That's awesome. Okay. Three tips, tools, or just, and it doesn't have to be anything we've already talked about, but three things you want the audience to walk away with to make their lives better.

C. Eric Collier: [00:44:19] One at some point in time and you realize what's going on in your life that you're waking up every morning saying there's something that's gotta be better. Right. It is. So something has to be better and that you have to take an assessment of how you're thinking, how you're acting and what are the results that you get.

And when you do that, you can start changing the game for yourself. I like to say that you just keep pushing because nobody else is going to do it for you. I use that because I look at. Well, my kids, when my son got to the age where he could drive, he wasn't taking this, he wasn't studying, he wasn't taking his test.

He wasn't trying to get his license. He was just basically sitting around. He goes, yeah, I want to drive. I want to drive. So he was waiting on somebody to knock on the door and give him his driver's license. We can't get like that in life. Once we get like that in life. That's why we find ourself in that depression that worry, that fear state, where we're not trying to accomplish anything.

And again, we're just surviving life. So you just have to keep pushing so that you can do what you want to do later on in life. And then just. Access to power that's in you, you have so much more in you. You were put on this earth, like I said, to create and produce, and we have these talents and abilities that the world is waiting on.

We are here to solve a problem. You and this show is solving a problem is bringing attention to a problem. If you didn't do that, who would do it right? You would sit around, Oh man, I should, I should do that. I should have started this show and I could have brought attention to it. But. It never happened.

Right. So doing it, getting out there and bringing attention to the problem that you had this gift for, you don't know what it is, but I'm telling you, if you just sit and think about the things that you really truly love to do, man, I love talking. I love helping people. This was a no brainer. Once I figured it out.

Damaged Parents: [00:45:57] that's awesome. I'm so glad I got to have you here today.

C. Eric Collier: [00:46:01] I'm so happy that I got a chance to come on here and talk to you. You're awesome. Thank you very much. I love, I love what you're doing. I love that you are a warrior mindset and in action, I think that fighting through the challenges that you've gone through, to be an example for your kids and those who are around you that look.

These are going to happen, but you just can't sit and wallow in it. You got to get up and do something, make something happen. And so I love that. And I wanna, I wanna wish you much success in anything I can do to help you. Please let me know, because I would love to help out.

Damaged Parents: [00:46:34] Oh, awesome. Thank you so much. C. Eric. So glad to have you here.

C. Eric Collier: [00:46:39] Yeah.

 Damaged Parents: [00:46:39] Thank you for listening to this week's episode of relatively damaged by damaged parents. We really enjoy talking to Eric about how he learned to keep pushing when things got tough. We especially liked when he spoke about being larger than life. Learning to shed the old you and meet the new you.

To unite with other damaged people connect with us on tik tok look for damaged parents will be here next week still relatively damaged. See you then.